What I'm Here For
by starvingstudent
Summary: Meredith runs, but this time lets Derek find her...' MerDer from Susan's death to 'yes' with all of the steps in between.
1. Found

_**AN:**__** My first Greys fic. **__**May be a stand alone, but I'll prolly add chapters.**_

_**Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Greys Anatomy. I own nothing.**__** I am simply borrowing the characters and will return them unharmed...**_

_**AN January 16**__**th**__**, 2008: I have replaced chapters 1 through 34. No plot changes, just fixing typos and wordings and a random AN that ended up in the middle of a chapter...**_

Derek hesitated before stepping out into the rainy Seattle evening, the memory of recent events weighing heavily on his mind. After Meredith had pulled from his grasp in the lobby and disappeared down the hallway he had been momentarily captivated by the lone man sobbing in the hard plastic hospital chair. His heart went out to the man, who was obviously in agony, but the vivid memory of watching Thatcher slap his daughter across the face without any visible regret showing through his expression prevented Derek from approaching him. He shook his head as he pulled his focus away from the man and turned to head down the hall after Meredith.

Derek had been unable to find his girlfriend as he had quickly searched the halls and on call rooms. He had even ventured down to the basement to check by the extra gurneys; a place he knew the interns often frequented. She had been no where to be found. And she wasn't answering her cell. Convinced she had fled the hospital and headed for home, Derek made to follow after her.

He cursed the rainy weather as he strode quickly across the parking lot to his car, only sacrificing some speed to weave around the larger puddles. In the year he had lived in Seattle, he had long since given up trying to keep his shoes dry. He was approaching his car.

Derek paused suddenly when he realized Meredith's car was still parked only a few spaces up from his own. He hesitated behind it, unsure of what to do now. If the jeep was still here, it must mean its owner was still here as well. And if Meredith was un-findable and not responding to his pages or calls, she obviously wanted to be alone. But, with the events of the day in his mind and the sight of her being slapped burned in his memory for the rest of his life, there was no way he could leave her alone until he knew she was alright. And even then it would be a fight to get him away from her side.

He quickly circled her car, glancing in the windows to make sure she was not inside. It occurred to him that one of her friends may have driven her home. After a moment of indecision, he stepped away from her car, and headed past the three bumpers separating him from his car. Meredith's house was not far away. He would drive there now, and if she wasn't there, he would come back. He sighed at the thought of having to explain the happenings of the past few hours to her roommates if they were home and she was not. Pulling his keys from his pocket, he rounded the back corner of his car, and paused at the sight awaiting him.

The figure huddled on the ground against the drivers side door was masked by the darkness and by the jacket wrapped tightly around her, but he immediately knew it was Meredith. Quickly stuffing his keys back in his pocket, he stepped forward and crouched down beside the soggy form leaning against his car.

"Meredith?" He asked gently as he reached out a hand to her face. He carefully lifted the weight of her head up from its awkward resting place on her shoulder and wiped the wet hair from her face. Her eyes were closed, and her face was pale, save for the bluish bruise forming on her left cheek. "Mer." He tried again, louder this time. Leaning in closer, he used his other hand to gently shake her shoulder. He was getting worried as he was forced to move his hand from her shoulder to her neck to check her pulse. "Meredith!"

Suddenly, she jolted awake, clutching tightly onto his arm as she gazed around with wide, bloodshot eyes, trying to focus on something familiar.

"Hey," Derek said soothingly. "Its okay, Mer. It's just me."

She focused on him and her breathing rate came back down as her body visibly relaxed in front of him. Her red eyes quickly took in her surroundings as she caught her breath.

"How long have you been out here?" Derek asked in concern as he helped her to her feet, keeping his hands at her waist for support even when she was standing solidly on her own two feet.

Meredith shook her head slightly and she coughed before answering. "I don't know. I must have fallen asleep," she said, her voice hoarse and scratchy.

Derek scowled slightly as he worked his hands around the collar of her jacket, trying to keep her as dry as possible. "You're soaking wet," he stated. "And you're freezing." He pressed his hands against both sides of her face. She immediately flinched away from his touch, her sore cheek seeming to bring back the memories of the horrible day she had had. Tears filled her already puffy eyes and the dullness in them made him forget all lectures about getting sick.

"Oh, Mer, I'm so sorry," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her quivering, water-logged form. He was thankful when she allowed the tight embrace, even welcoming it as she wrapped one arm around him just as tightly, the other hand clenched around a fistful of his jacket as if she was holding on for dear life.

They stood in the embrace for several minutes, Derek whispering soothing statements as he simply let her cry, both momentarily oblivious to the rain. Eventually the grasp on his jacket relaxed and she slid her hand back from around his shoulder. She stepped back slightly, her sad eyes avoiding his. "Thanks," she whispered quietly, as if embarrassed by her emotions.

Derek tilted his head as he gently lifted her chin so that her eyes met his. He smiled down at her. "It's what I'm here for."

This rewarded him with the smallest wisp of a smile as she nodded, but remained silent.

"Okay," Derek said, deciding to simply take charge to get her home. "We need to get you out of the rain before you end up with pneumonia." He steered her around to the other side of his car. "Do you have everything you need?" He asked as he opened the passenger door and helped her inside.

"I think so," Meredith said. "I kinda left in a hurry. I wanted to find you, but I ... I just couldn't be in there anymore. I needed to get outside."

"Okay," Derek said as he shut the door and hurried around to the driver's side.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as he settled himself in the seat beside her.

Her comment surprised him and he paused, his hand grasping the key in the ignition, but not turning on the engine. "For what?"

When she met his eyes, her expression was lower than he had ever seen. "For running away from you." Her puffy, bloodshot eyes were dark. "And then running away from my life. Again." The contrast of her white face and darkening bruise in the pale streetlight made her small injury look all the worse. "You must have looked for me." She shook her head and her soaking hair was so water logged it barely moved with the motion. "And after my promise yesterday..." She trailed off. "I'm just so sorry that I keep screwing up, Derek. I don't mean to, I really don't, I just..." Her low voice cracked as she became trailed off and a silent tear ran down her cheek.

Derek took a breath before responding, tears pricking his own eyes at the sheer emotion in her voice. He offered her a small, supportive smile. "Its okay, Meredith. I found you, and you don't keep screwing up." His hand found hers resting on her thigh and he covered it, squeezing her fingers reassuringly.

She shook her head, her green eyes darkening. "No, it's not okay. Barely a day and a half ago I told you I wanted to be better, to let you in, and already I'm running away from you, when it's you who should be running away from me."

It was Derek's turn to shake his head. "I'll never run away from you, Mer. I'll always show up, remember? I don't need you to always come running to me. I don't expect it, especially when something like this happens." He smiled at her as he reached his hand up to cup the right side of her face. "Sometimes it's okay to run and trust the other person to find you, Mer, as long as you're not running from me. And you let me find you, and you didn't run when I did find you. And that's okay."

Meredith leaned into his hand, but remained silent, unsure of his words.

"I love you so much, Meredith. And all I want is for you to let me in." The back of his throat stung as the tears filled his eyes again. "That's all I want," he repeated.

Meredith closed her eyes and nodded against his hand. When she opened them again they were still bloodshot and puffy and dark, but a small light had been reignited. "Thank you," she said quietly.

Derek removed his hand from her face and turned on the car, immediately boosting the heat up to full blast. "It's what I'm here for," he said, repeating the same words from earlier.

"I'm glad."

"Hmm?" He asked.

She offered him a brave smile. "I'm glad that you're here."

Derek's heart soared as he put the car in reverse and guided it out of the parking spot. There wasn't anything better she could possibly say to him.

"And I..." She trailed off for a moment, looking away from his eyes. She took a breath and looked back, meeting his eyes square on. "I love you, too."

Derek smiled. Okay, that had been the second best thing she could have told him. This was definitely the best. They didn't say it often, perhaps due to the circumstances surrounding each of their initial admissions, but Derek made a mental note that they needed to say it more. He needed to say it more. Hell, he'd say it a million times a day if he could; it was the number of times he felt it.

They remained in comfortable silence as he navigated the car out of the parking lot and onto the familiar route to her house. Once he was on the highway and free of the twists and turns, he reached out and laced his fingers through those on her left hand. She smiled at him and gently squeezed his hand.

"You feeling any warmer?" He asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, I think so. I shouldn't have let myself fall asleep in the rain." She scoffed at herself. "I got changed and out of there so fast that I didn't even really process much until I was outside at my car, suddenly realizing it was raining. And I didn't want to go home without you, and I probably shouldn't be driving, and I couldn't go back inside, so I decided to wait by your car. I knew you'd come out eventually."

"You didn't want to leave without me?"

She shook her head. "It's stupid, I know, but I-"

Derek cut her off. "It's not stupid. You didn't want to leave without me. You waited for me. That's a good thing, Mer. It means you are reaching out, learning to trust me. That's a good thing." He smiled, the love he felt for the woman beside him swelling in his heart. "I'm happy, Mer, you make me happy."

She smiled, the small light in her eyes flickering higher. "That's what I'm here for."


	2. Home

_**AN: Thanks so much for the awesome reviews. It motivated me to get started right away on another chapter. I have at least 3 more planned out. Hope you enjoy.**_

Derek pulled his car up to the house and turned off the engine, glancing sideways at his silent girlfriend. Her dark mood had brightened briefly during their rainy drive home, but she had withdrawn back into herself and become silent once more. After brief contemplation Derek had allowed her to remain quiet, deciding she needed some time to process all that had happened. No one had vocalized the events of the past few hours, but he felt it safe to assume that she had not only lost her new 'fake mommy,' but also any chance she had of forming a relationship with her father.

"Hey over there," he said lightly. "We're home."

She turned to meet his eyes, her own bloodshot eyes in stark contrast with her pale face in the dim light of the car. However, instead of the dull stare he was expecting, she surprised him with the finest wisps of a smile. He cocked his head slightly, returning the smile without grasping its causation. Much later that night, when he was holding an exhausted, finally-sleeping Meredith protectively in his arms he would realize just how easily the term 'home' had rolled across his tongue.

She didn't look away, but their shared gaze was weakened when she blinked several times. Derek's expression turned sympathetic as he watched her eyes fill with water, holding the maximum volume before a single drop finally gave way to gravity and spilled over her lower lid, initiating a steady flow trailing down her cheeks. He reached a hand out to cup her face, wiping a tender thumb across her cheek.

"You okay over there?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

Meredith opened her mouth to respond with her usual 'I'm fine,' but something stopped her. She shook her head. "No, not really," she finally admitted.

Derek nodded his head, not really knowing what to say to make her feel better. Before he could conjure up something deep and supportive he saw a shiver run through her form, still wet from her rainy nap. With the car, and with it the heater, now off the effects of the rain and cold were getting to her.

He reluctantly pulled his hand away from her cool face. "Let's get you inside."

Meredith allowed him to help her out of the car and lead her up to the door. Her body was in autopilot, simply doing the motions necessary and nothing more.

With one arm around Meredith's shivering form, Derek pushed open the door and guided her into the front hall. He helped her remove her soggy jacket and was in the process of hanging it up along with his own when he heard footsteps coming out of the kitchen.

"Hey Meredith, we're out of-" Alex's voice cut off as he took in their dark appearance. "What happened?" He questioned.

Derek glanced at Meredith whose shattered expression left his heart aching. He knew she wasn't up to explaining the situation, and he definitely wasn't about to do it in front of her. "Just had a bad day," he told the younger man.

Alex didn't seem sure, especially when Meredith made to move past him towards the stairs and he caught sight of her left cheek. "Hey, are you okay? What happened?" He repeated.

Derek shook his head at Alex, motioning not to push the issue at this time, but Alex's eyes flashed at him in a way he had never seen and an arm snaked out to grab his wrist as he tried to follow Meredith. He was taken aback by Alex's actions, especially when the young doctor would not loosen his grasp as Derek tried to pull away.

"What the hell did you do to her?" Alex practically hissed at him, anger quite evident in his eyes.

"I didn't do anything to her," Derek answered as he tried to pry his arm away. Meredith stopped at the stairs, realizing he was no longer behind her. She turned to face them, a quizzical look momentarily overtaking her numbed expression. Derek didn't want to deal with Alex right now. All he wanted to do was get Meredith upstairs.

"Like hell you didn't," Alex said, turning his attention to his roommate. "Mer, what did he do to you?"

Derek froze as he watched for her reaction. He didn't want for her to have to deal with this right now. He just needed to get her up the stairs.

Meredith took in the question and contemplated her answer as her eyes shifted from Alex to Derek and back again. She shook her head slowly. "Nothing," she answered quietly, confusion lining her voice. Although she knew Alex could be an ass, she also knew he would only behave so defensively if provoked. He had proved himself to be a good friend.

"No," Alex shook his head, his grip still not loosening on Derek's arm as he glared at the older man before turning his attention back to Meredith. "I'm sorry Mer, but you can't come in looking like you do, with a-." He hesitated briefly. "With your face looking like it does and try to tell me he didn't do anything. And don't think I'm going to let him anywhere near you if he's hurting you."

A look of understanding passed across Meredith's face as her hand came up to her cheek, her fingers brushing over the bluish skin as she remembered the pain she had been numb to only moments before. "He didn't do this, Alex, now let him go."

Alex was thrown off by her simple, honest statement. He loosened his grip, but did lot let go.

A faint smile graced her delicate features for a moment as she gently shook her head. "Derek would never hurt me, Alex. It's okay," she said. "Let him go," she commanded quietly.

Derek suddenly found his arm free and his heart aching at the sheer honesty and belief she had spoken those words with. He nodded at Alex as made his way to where Meredith was standing. She was still staring at Alex. As he came up beside her and laid a comforting hand on the small of her back, she leaned into his warmth.

"It's okay, Alex." She repeated, meeting his eyes. A look of understanding passed between the two interns. Derek suddenly sensed that Meredith may have further knowledge that explained this situation, and as he glanced back at Alex, he felt his mind reprocessing his experience with the young doctor, and was surprised to find the level of respect he held for him rising.

Then Meredith trembled under his hand and he was ushering her up the stairs and into the comfort and security of their room. Later that night when he contemplated the ease at which he had spoken the work 'home,' he would include in his thoughts the realization that some time recently her room had become their room.

They didn't speak about the encounter with Alex as they peeled off their saturated clothes; they didn't need to. Derek tossed her a robe as he donned his own and grabbed towels before heading across the hall.

Meredith silently turned on the shower, stepping under the scorching spray with Derek right behind her. She found herself in his arms and turned to face him, his arms pulling tighter around her middle as she reached her arms up, around his neck. Overcome by a wave of emotion, she blinked away tears and pressed her lips tightly against his. He was responsive and she immediately deepened the kiss, pushing into his mouth. All she wanted was to forget the horrible day. She needed to forget. And she forced all thoughts out of her head and pulled him closer still.

She moved her hands from his neck to his shoulders and slowly down his chest, lower and lower still until suddenly they weren't moving anymore. She fought against the loose hold around her wrists, but wasn't successful, and Derek was suddenly stepping back, breaking their kiss. Trying to catch her breath, Meredith gazed up at his panting face, meeting his worried eyes momentarily before squeezing hers shut and forcing herself against him once more. He didn't, however, allow her advances this time. He released a hand and lifted an arm to chin, gently forcing her face towards his as he patiently waited for her to open her eyes. When she finally did, she looked away as if embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," she muttered. "I just..." She trailed off.

"It's okay," he whispered, pulling her closer, trying to comfort her.

She tried to resist, but ended up allowing herself to be propped up against him. "I just want to forget," she whispered.

"I know," he said and his arms were around her. "I know."

"I need to forget." Meredith gave into the embrace and wrapped her arms around him again, only this time not urgently. She rested her forehead against his and closed her eyes, taking a deep, comforting breath. When she opened them again they were filled with fresh tears.

In one movement, Derek cupped the back of her head and gently guided it down to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her sobbing frame. He rested his own head atop hers, trying to be as close as possible as his own eyes filled with tears, unable to see the woman he loved so much in so much pain. But there was nothing he could do right now except hold her, and let her cry until there was nothing left, periodically whispering comforting statements. And when they finally stepped out of the shower the hot water had dried up, leaving a tepid stream flowing from the faucet above.


	3. Numb

Clad in flannel pants and an old tee, Derek made his way down the wooden stairs and turned to head into the kitchen. He had spent the better part of an hour in the shower, holding Meredith tight in his arms until the last of her tears had been shed. She was now lying in bed, wrapped up in as many blankets as Derek could find. She was quiet and subdued, and Derek hoped he was doing everything she needed from him. He knew she hated to ask for help, but the fact that she was accepting his comfort and support made him hopeful that she was glad he was there.

As he pushed the door open and entered the kitchen, he met Alex's eyes. The younger surgeon was sitting at the kitchen table, coffee mug held tightly in his hands. He seemed to be waiting for something; news, information, an explanation. His expression was apprehensive, uncertainty mixed with confusion, and maybe a little embarrassment.

"Hey," Derek offered, nodding his head.

"Hey," Alex responded, somewhat hesitantly. The normally confident doctor suddenly seemed unsure of himself in Derek's presence. But Alex wouldn't be Alex if he wasn't upfront. "Look man, I'm sorry about-."

Derek held up a hand, motioning for Alex to stop. "It's okay, Alex, no hard feelings."

Alex still seemed unsure.

Derek offered a short smile. "I'm glad she has friends like you," Derek said, nodding. "People to look out for her. I'd rather you do something like this than not do anything when she really needs it."

"Okay." Alex said, nodding as he gaze Derek what he could only assume was a look of approval.

"However," Derek continued. "Let me make one thing very clear. I would never, ever hurt her, especially not like that." And it was true. After Meredith's drowning experience, he had even felt guilty for the cracked ribs and bruising on her chest from the extensive CPR he had performed.

Alex nodded. "Good."

And with that the tension between the two doctors dissipated. Derek continued past Alex, opening the lower storage cupboard to grab a clean towel. He then opened the freezer and fished through it. He pulled the icepack out of the freezer. Izzy had burned herself baking one day while he and Meredith had been eating breakfast. Meredith had sighed and jumped up to fish the icepack out and dropped it on the counter beside her roommate without a word. Apparently she and George had bought it within the first month on living together because they were tired of losing their frozen goods to Izzy's accident prone baking binges.

Derek wrapped the towel around the icepack and proceeded to get a bottle of water out of the fridge and poured a glass of orange juice. He paused as he came back around to where Alex was sitting at the table.

He stood awkwardly across the table from the younger man, carefully balancing the items he was carrying. He hesitated briefly before speaking. "It was Thatcher," he finally said, no explanation necessary for explaining what 'it' was.

Alex's head shot up. "Her father?" He asked, incredulously.

Derek nodded sadly. "Susan, uh, she took a turn for the worse. She contracted an infection."

"And he was mad at Meredith?" Alex asked, anger evident in his voice.

Derek sighed. "She turned septic in a matter of hours. There was nothing anyone could do." He paused between statements. "She passed away a few hours ago."

Alex gasped quietly. "Oh," was all he said.

"Yeah," Derek said.

And there was silence in the kitchen as they both took a few moments to process the implication of Derek's words.

Derek finally took a breath. "So," he said. "I have to..." He motioned towards the door.

Alex nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, of course."

And with that Derek left the kitchen, hurrying back up to Meredith.

He gently pushed open the bedroom door, smiling at Meredith, who he was glad to see was sitting up in bed, leaning against the headboard. The pile of blankets were sitting at her waist, but she looked warm enough in the oversized sweater she had stolen from his closet one of the times they had stayed at the trailer after getting back together.

Derek set the water bottle down on the bedside table and handed her the glass of juice. "Here," he said. "Let's get your blood sugar up."

Meredith took the glass without protest. "Okay, _doctor_." She rolled her eyes gently.

Derek smiled, glad she was up to a little humour. "That's right," he said as he pulled back the covers and settled in bed beside her. She leaned up against him and he responded by wrapping his left arm around her, pulling her close and placing a kiss on the side of her head. They remained silent for a few minutes as Meredith drained her glass. When she was finished, she pulled away to place the cup down on the table and then leaned back up against Derek, laying her head down on his shoulder. Derek picked up the ice pack, gently laying it against her cheek. She thanked him quietly, moving her hand to hold it in place.

"How are you doing?" Derek asked, leaning his head on hers.

She sighed and didn't respond right away. "I don't know," she admitted.

Derek remained silent, absentmindedly running his fingers up and down her left arm.

Meredith snuffled softly. "She was the closest thing I ever had to having a mom," she said quickly. "I mean, I had a mother, but not a _mom_. Susan was the closest I ever got. And I failed her."

"Hey." Derek cut in, lifting his head off of hers. "You didn't fail anyone. You did everything you could. That was not your fault."

"I should have caught it sooner. If we'd gotten her into surgery sooner, then maybe..." She kept her head on his shoulder, not lifting her head and meeting his eyes.

"The problem with medicine, Meredith, is there's always going to be maybes, always going to be what ifs. But there is no way of predicting these kinds of things. It was a simple, straight forward procedure. You know that. Inpatient procedure, in and out. To contract an infection from that is possible, but not to respond to antibiotics given one day after is extremely rare. And to turn septic that quickly... There was no way of predicting it. No way of stopping it."

"We could have done something else," Meredith was defensive. "We could have not done the surgery."

"You had no reason not to. At the time it was the best offering for the patient."

Meredith didn't respond for several moments, only dropping the ice pack and moving her right hand up to stop his hand from its ceaseless path up and down her upper arm. She grasped her hand tightly onto his, and he squeezed back, trying to convey as much support as he could to her. He gave up this method relatively quickly, dropping her hand and turning his body to wrap both arms around her again and pulled her body close to him. But this time it was different from the shower. It was less intense, less emotional. This time it was quiet and comfortable and supportive. Meredith participated in the new position, ensuring every body part belonging to her was weaved with one belonging to him. She rested her head against his chest, right beside the hand that was clutching a fistful of his shirt. She listened to his even breathing as his right hand now began to move up and down her back. Then she began to speak.

"She reached out for me."

It was so quiet Derek almost didn't hear it. "Hmm?"

"Susan. She reached out for me. We were wheeling her into surgery and she reached out for me and grabbed my arm. For just a moment she held my arm, so tight. She was so scared. And then she let go and..." Meredith trailed off for a moment. "And then she didn't have a pulse. We never got it back." Her voice was cracking and she gripped his shirt even tighter. "We couldn't get her heart to beat," she repeated. "No matter what we did, we couldn't get her back. We tried for so long...and then I had to call it. And then I just felt...numb. I stood there for so long as they..." Her voice cracked again. "As they covered her body."

"I'm so sorry, Mer," Derek whispered soothingly, not knowing what else to say.

"I couldn't save her. I did everything I could, but I just couldn't save her. And I just stood there, numb, trying to figure out how to tell Thatcher."

Derek nodded as he silently remembered sitting on the floor in the corner of Ellis Grey's room for an hour after he had called time of death, feeling as if he had failed them both. And then after Bailey had finally found him and told him Meredith was alive, all he could think about was how he was going to tell her about her mother. He hadn't been allowed to save her, and he hadn't been able to save her mother.

Meredith shrugged. "I guess I didn't do a good job telling him."

Derek shook his head. "He shouldn't have done that. There's no excuse for it, no matter what, Meredith. There is never an excuse for that." He brought his hand up to gently run it across her face and she pulled back as he did so, meeting his eyes. Derek hesitated before speaking, knowing it wasn't the time, but after the confrontation with Alex he felt a strong need to tell her. "I would never do that to you, Meredith, never."

Meredith smiled, still meeting his eyes. "I know that, Derek." There wasn't an ounce of doubt in her voice.

Derek nodded. "I know, I just..." He sighed. "I know that I've made some stupid mistakes, and I've hurt you, but-" He shook his head. "I would never hit you," a lump formed in his throat at the memory of watching her father strike her. "I would never do that," he felt the need to repeat. "And I will do my absolute best to never hurt you again, in any way."

Meredith smiled. It was small and short, but genuine. "I know," she said again, and he knew she meant it.

Meredith gently broke eye contact, laying her head back down on Derek's shoulder. "I feel numb," she said.

Derek nodded. "That's okay," he said.

"I wish I could build a time machine and go back and save her."

"I know the feeling," Derek said, his thoughts on a certain decision he had made several months prior.

Meredith was quiet for some time; Derek had even begun to believe she had fallen asleep. "Thank-you," she whispered quietly. "For being here and for being you."

Derek smiled. "It's what I'm here for."

"I'm glad."


	4. Goodbye

Seated behind the wheel, in the back of the parking lot, Derek sighed as he stared out the windshield to the beautiful, but ominous building before them. The crowd of people waiting patiently for entrance had almost all passed through, and he knew that meant it was time for them to wander out of the car. He glanced to the passenger seat to where Meredith was seated, his right hand in her lap, clutched tightly in both of hers.

He cleared his throat. "I think it's time."

She nodded her agreement, but made no move to leave the car or release his hand, her lightly touched up eyes filled with sadness. Her hair was pulled back, revealing her face for the first time in days, but the dulling bruise was covered up well and only noticeable to those who knew to look for it. Derek couldn't help but focus on it every time he looked at her.

"Are you ready?" He asked gently.

She took a breath. "Do I have a choice?"

"You always have a choice," he answered, his eyes conveying nothing but love and support.

She hesitated, staring down at their entwined hands. She took a breath. "I just feel like I shouldn't be here. They don't want me here."

Derek tilted his head, not needing to ask who _they_ were. "Oh, Mer, your father..." Derek sighed. "Your father shouldn't be handling things this way. You deserve better."

Meredith nodded her head, but remained silent. He knew she didn't believe him.

Squeezing her hands tightly in his, he spoke the most comforting words he could. "You really do deserve better, Mer. You should have had a father who was there for you, is still there for you. Parents shouldn't get to pick and choose when they're there for their kids. Susan understood that. She wouldn't want him to do this. She wouldn't blame you." He paused to allow her to speak, but she remained silent. "It wasn't your fault," he repeated for the umpteenth time in the past three days.

Meredith finally responded by nodding her head, gripping his hand tightly. "I know, but I still feel guilty."

"I don't know how to make that go away for you," Derek admitted softly.

"He doesn't want me there." She repeated.

"That's why we're going in as late as we can," Derek reminded her. "We'll sit in the back and leave as soon as it's over. Thatcher doesn't need to see us. We're here for Susan. To say goodbye."

Meredith nodded, her teary eyes meeting his. "To say good bye."

Derek's heart went out to her. Her downtrodden tone caused a lump to form in his throat. "I love you," was all he could think to say.

She met his eyes, as if searching for any reason to doubt him. Then, to his surprise she smiled. It was small, but it was there. "I love you too," she whispered. "Derek, I'm scared," she admitted, an intensity in her voice that he rarely heard.

He offered a comforting smile, tilting his head slightly. "You can do this." He gave her his best McDreamy smile.

Meredith nodded, more to convince herself than him before releasing his hand and opening her door. Derek quickly stepped out of the driver's side and met her in front of the car, taking her hand as they silently approached the funeral home.

000

The ceremony was just beginning as Derek sat uncomfortably on the hard bench of the back row, Meredith tucked in close, his right arm wrapped supportively around her waist. With his left hand he pulled at the tie that suddenly seemed too tight around his neck. He hated funerals, always had; ever since he attended his father's funeral at the young age of eight. Although he had been young, he could still remember the horror of losing a parent. As he glanced at his girlfriend, he tried to imagine what she was going through. She had now lost two parents in less than two months; three if you counted the father with whom she had been building a relationship.

Meredith sat quietly through the ceremony, taking comfort from the man next to her. The service was nice, and before she knew it she was in tears again. They sat together quietly, tears slowly sliding down Meredith's cheeks as she said goodbye to the only _mom_ she had ever known. The tears came down stronger as her half-sister Molly gave a heartfelt goodbye to her mother during the eulogy. And then suddenly, it was over and people were filing out to the reception in the front lobby.

Meredith jumped in surprise at the solemn people moving past them. She glanced over to meet Derek's worried eyes. She offered a sad smile, motioning to him to slide off the bench, knowing they had to go before Thatcher and his _real_ daughters made their way past them. Meredith nodded to Derek, motioning she was ready to leave and he silently took her hand and led her out of the pew and through the lobby to the doors.

As they stepped out into the sunlight together, Meredith felt her heart lighten more than it had in days. She had said goodbye to the only person had ever really wanted to be a parent to her. And maybe, just maybe it really wasn't really her fault that Susan was gone. She squeezed Derek's hand, both to assure him she was alright, and to remind herself that he really was there. Maybe, just maybe, not everyone leaves.

Derek smiled at the pressure change around his hand and he easily returned the gesture. Things had gone better than he had expected. Not only had they avoided _the family_, but they had managed to avoid answering any questions regarding their presence at the funeral. If he thought about it, many attendees most likely assumed they were friends of Molly or Lexie. They were just about at the car, Derek reaching into his pocket for the keys when they stopped dead.

"What the hell are you doing here?" The unmistakable sound of Thatcher's voice shouted from behind them. Evidently they had not been as invisible as he had believed.

Derek spun around to face the man who was fast approaching them, Molly trailing behind him, calling him back. Meredith had released his hand and was now standing away from Derek, trying to face her father on her own.

"You shouldn't be here!" Thatcher boomed. "You killed her! You killed my wife! You don't belong here!"

"Dad!" Molly's voice cut in as Thatcher stopped for a breath. She tried to grab his arm, but he pulled it out of her grasp. "You killed my wife," he repeated. "She was everything to me, and you killed her. How could you show up here, after everything that you have done to me, to us? You took away my wife, my girls' mother, a grandmother." Thatcher shook his head, his bloodshot eyes widening even more. "Get the hell away from here."

"Hey," Derek finally cut in. Meredith was obviously mute, unable to defend herself against the cruel onslaught of her father's outrageous accusations, and he couldn't stand it anymore. "Calm down," he demanded of the older man. "This wasn't her fault," he stated, knowing it wouldn't do any good.

Thatcher turned his attention to Derek, taking a moment to focus, as if just now noticing his presence. He shook his head at Derek, and when he spoke, his voice was harsh. "Don't stand up for her. She doesn't deserve it, not after what she's done. She's just like her mother. Destroys everything good. My advice to you is to run for the hills."

Derek shook his head, anger welling inside of him at the shocked expression on Meredith's face. It was all he could do not to punch the older man, grieving widower or not.

"This wasn't her fault," he repeated, fighting to keep his anger under control. "Sometimes these things just happen-"

"No," Thatcher cut in, turning his attention back to his daughter. "They don't just happen, they always happen around _them_." He practically spat. "Just like her mother," he repeated.

"No, I'm not," Meredith had finally found her voice. Her eyes were brimming with tears, her nose red against the pale backdrop of her face, and she was quivering slightly. But she kept her voice even, no hint of a waver. "I'm not her." She repeated. "And I am so sorry about Susan, I-"

"Don't you dare say her name!" Thatcher yelled, stepping violently towards her, only to be intercepted.

"Don't even think about it," Derek stated, as he stepped in front of his girlfriend, blocking Thatcher's path. He would let Meredith take the lead as much as she could, but hell would freeze over before he would let Thatcher near her with that look on his face.

This only seemed to further upset the already unhinged man. He tried to push past Derek.

Derek grabbed Thatcher wrists and held them tight until the man ceased his struggling. "Look," he started. "What happened to you and your family was tragic, I feel for you, I really do. But this is not the way to handle things. I promise you, you will regret this later. Susan wouldn't want you to do this." This seemed to make an impact as Thatcher stopped pulling away from Derek's grip. "We just came to say goodbye, and now we're leaving. Okay?" The older man didn't respond, but his breathing slowed and he had completely stopped fighting to get away from Derek, who now, cautiously, released his grip on Thatcher's wrists.

Thatcher didn't make a move towards them, simply stood still as they began to turn back towards the car. "You aren't welcome anymore." He said quietly, no emotion in his voice as Meredith turned back for a moment. "You aren't part of this family, and you never will be. I don't want to see you anymore."

Meredith swallowed and nodded solemnly, parent number three permanently scratched off her already short list. She paused for a moment, eyes watery, red eyes and light blue cheek in sharp contrast to her pale face in the sunlight as she met his eyes and held the gaze for a short time. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Then she turned, avoiding Derek's sympathetic eyes as she opened the car door and sat herself down in the passenger seat.

_**AN: Sorry about the excessive delay. I have re-written this a few times, and it still doesn't seem right. I really don't like that she needs Derek to stand up for her, but from what we've seen in the show, she may in front of her father. And, of course, there needed to be a confrontation. Anyway, the next couple **__**chappies**__** are planned and should be up faster than this one. **_


	5. Believe

Derek glanced worriedly towards the passenger seat for the umpteenth time since leaving the funeral home. Meredith was silent, bent over a large, open medical text. Immediately upon settling in the car, Meredith had said she was fine, pulled her book from its resting place in the backseat and opened it up. All outward signs pointed to the fact that she was hard at work, but Derek hadn't seen her flip the page in more than ten minutes. He sighed and glanced at the car clock; she only had an hour until her exam. Memories of the stress he had been under while preparing for his intern exam flooded his thoughts, and he hadn't been dealing with anywhere near the non-work related stress she was dealing with. Compared to her experience, his internship had been a walk in the park. Derek was worried and knew he had to do something.

"Meredith?" He gently prompted. "Are you okay over there?"

"Mmmhmm," was coupled with a slight nod.

Derek sighed. "Do you even know what you're reading?"

"Mmmhmm," she repeated, nodding once again.

"Mer, the book may as well be upside down. I know you're not taking in anything."

"You don't know that." She countered.

"Do you know how long it has been since you turned your page?" He countered.

"Of course," she muttered, waiting a few moments before flipping the page.

Derek rolled his eyes and scoffed gently, loving the woman beside him for her stubborn streak, despite the issues it created.

They continued in silence for a few minutes, Meredith dutifully flipping the page ever minute or so. Derek knew she still wasn't processing anything on the page. He also knew she would never admit it. He glanced worriedly at the clock once more and shook his head. He had all the faith in the world in her knowledge and ability, but at this moment, he was worried. She had thus far survived a year of hell, broken up by very short spurts of happiness. And if she failed her exam today, he knew she would be devastated. And he didn't know whether she would ever return to the work she was so good at. She didn't deserve that.

Derek looked out at the highway. They were only a few miles away from the hospital. He saw a turn off sign and in a moment of spontaneity he signalled and turned off the highway, following the road, before pulling off into a parking lot and stopping the car far away from other cars. He put the car into the park and turned off the engine, before Meredith finally looked up.

"Are we ther-" She began as she looked out the window. "What are you doing?" She looked at him, confused. "Where are we?"

Derek hesitated, not entirely sure of what to say. He wasn't quite sure himself what he was doing, but he knew he had to do something. He ignored her questions and undid his seatbelt, reaching across the center consol of the car to gently pry the book out of her grasp. He closed it and placed it on the floor.

"Hey..." she tried, but let the book go with little protest.

Derek took her hand and decided to be open. "Meredith, I'm worried for you."

Meredith shook her head, trying to pull out of her grasp. "Don't be, I'm fine."

He shook his head. "No, Mer, you're not fine. Whether you admit it or not, you're not fine and you don't have time to pretend you are. We have less than an hour before you have to write that test."

"Which is why I have to study," she said, motioning toward the book.

"No, no you don't. Meredith, you know your stuff. Trust me, you'll be fine. You just have to trust in yourself. You have to believe in yourself. Just like I do," he added.

Meredith was silent as her form began to quiver slightly and silent tears ran down her cheeks.

"Oh, Mer," he whispered, emotion rushing through his heart. He clutched her hand tighter. "I just don't know what to say to make everything okay."

Meredith made a noise that sounded vaguely like a laugh. "Nothing you could say could make everything better," she said. "But you being here makes it as okay as it can be."

"Good, because that's not going to change."

"I think I'm finally starting to believe that."

They were silent as she collected her thoughts.

"I'm going to fail," she finally whispered, as if divulging a secret.

Derek shook his head. "No, no you're not."

It was Meredith's turn to shake her head. "I don't know anything, I can't focus," her voice cracked as the tears started again. "I don't even know what I don't know enough to study it."

"That's because you know enough of what you need to know." Derek tried, hoping she would believe him.

She ignored him and continued, her somewhat hysterical tone sounding hopeless. "I can't do this," she said, looking away from him and closing her eyes tight. "I can't do this. I don't know enough, I...I'm not good enough." She trailed off.

Derek squeezed her hands tightly. "Listen to me, Meredith. You can do this. I know you can. You know more than necessary, believe me, I've helped you study. You're a great doctor, and you are going to make a wonderful surgeon. You're going to be one to beat, trust me. You are more than capable, more than good enough. You can do this."

When she finally looked at him, there were tears billowing in her eyes, the redness below them in sharp contrast and making them shine. She shook her head slightly before closing her eyes as she took a breath, causing the flow of tears to spill over and run down her face. Her lip quivered just slightly as she spoke. "How do you have so much faith in me?"

Derek smiled and reached up to cup her face. "Because I have no reason not to," he stated simply. "Even though I am just a little biased, you are a wonderful doctor. You have so much potential, and everyone sees it, Mer. The chief has commented on it several times, even Bailey. And you know what it takes for Bailey to say something. You've had a shitty year, Mer; one you didn't deserve, and I know a lot of that was my fault, but here you are, giving me another chance, because that's who you are. I love you so much and I know you're going to do great things."

Meredith sniffled. "I love you, too."

"You've had the hardest internship that I've ever heard of, and yet you still made it. You've had to deal with family problems, death, you've been hospitalized yourself twice. You've been there for your friends every time they've needed help. Add to that everything I caused for you. And you still made it," he repeated. "You never gave up, you never fell behind or looked for special treatment, which with your history you could have gotten from the Chief. You making it through this year is you making a statement; that nothing is going to stop you from reaching your goal. You know your stuff, Mer. I know you do. And I know you are going to kick ass on that test, even give Cristina a run for her money."

He was rewarded by the sweet sound of laughter at his comment.

"She'd kill me if I beat her."

Derek smiled. "Even so, you have what it takes to be at the top, Mer. Don't belittle your knowledge and your talents. Go into that test with some faith in yourself and blow them away."

Meredith nodded slightly, then paused for several seconds before nodding again, more emphatically. She took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "Okay."

"Okay," Derek repeated. He smiled at her, and she smiled back. "You okay now?"

Meredith nodded. "I think so. I just need one more thing," she said as she reached to take off her seat belt.

"Anything," Derek said.

She pulled him closer as she leaned across the car. "A hug."

Derek smiled as he wrapped his arms tightly around her, ignoring the awkward position as he breathed in her hair. "That I can definitely do."

"Thank-you for being so great," Meredith whispered against him.

Derek closed his eyes as he gripped her a little tighter. "It's what I'm here for."


	6. Two for Two

Derek stepped into the lobby of the hospital, keys slinging loosely from his fingers. He glanced at his watch. Meredith had been in the test for six minutes by his count. He could only hope she had remained calm during her dash for the testing room. By the time they had left the parking lot, gotten back on the highway, and arrived at the hospital, the time had almost run out. Instead of parking, he had driven Meredith right up to the front doors, gave her a quick kiss and an 'I love you' as she collected her pencils, water bottle and snack and rushed out of the car.

He strode across the lobby and stepped up to the elevator, pushing the button and waiting patiently. A glance at his watch told him he had over an hour until his only scheduled surgery of the day. A mechanical beeping signalled the arrival of an elevator. Derek smiled as he realized exactly which elevator it was. He stepped on still smiling and the doors just started to shut as he heard a familiar clicking of much-to-expensive, horribly-uncomfortable-looking shoes on the lobby floor. "Hold the elevator, please!" The expected voice called out and he dutifully waved one of his two-million-dollar-a-year hands between the elevator doors just in time for his ex-wife to squeeze through.

"Hey, it's you." She said as the elevator doors began to close again and she quickly punched in her floor. "Thank-you. I'm late, I just got back. I was in L.A. visiting Naomi and Sam. Did you know they're divorced too? I-" She seemed to notice his attire and tilted her head slightly. "Nice suit, who died?" She asked jokingly.

Derek sighed, knowing it wasn't Addison's fault, there was mo way she could have known.. "Meredith's step mom," he said quietly.

She was taken aback. "Oh, my God!" She said, a hand flying to her mouth. "I had no idea. I'm so sorry." She shook her head. "God, I'm an idiot, I'm just having a bad week." She paused. "Though obviously not as bad as Meredith's. I'm so sorry, Derek. I didn't know." She repeated.

He nodded. "It's okay. You weren't here."

"She was such a wonderful person," Addison stated, remembering the time she had spent treating Molly and Laura. "Was she sick? I never knew..." She trailed off as the elevator stopped and the doors opened to reveal an empty hallway. Someone had obviously pressed the button and abandoned the long wait for the faster choice of the stairs. The doors closed and they found themselves moving once more.

Derek hesitated, but knew it was all over the hospital anyway. "She came in for an endoscopic gastriplication procedure for hiccups." He scoffed. "She contracted an infection and turned septic, fast. To fast for anything to be done." He shook his head. "They tried, but there just wasn't any time."

Addison shook her head again, an expression of genuine sympathy striking her features. "Poor Meredith. So, I guess I can assume the funeral was today?" She gestured at his attire.

Derek nodded.

"Does she have the rest of the day off?"

He shook his head. "Intern exam," was explanation enough.

"Oh, that's right. Wow, that's stressful enough as it is."

Derek sighed. "Yeah, but she's okay." He hoped he was telling the truth.

"How's Molly and her father taking it?" She asked gently, having grown close to the family during Laura's ordeal.

Derek closed his eyes for a moment, wishing she hadn't asked that question. But he also knew Addison would hear all about that situation as well. Sometimes he really hated the hospital gossip line. "I honestly don't know. Not well. They're not talking to us."

"What. Why?"

Derek shook his head. "Thatcher is blaming Meredith for Susan's death."

Addison shook her head. "That's absurd."

Derek shrugged. "She was the intern on her case. He thinks she talked her into it or something. Thinks she did something wrong. She didn't do anything wrong."

"That's ridiculous."

"I hear you." Derek nodded. "He won't listen to reason."

"It's probably not that bad," she tried. "Maybe give him some time."

Derek sighed, knowing Addison was wrong, but also appreciative that she was trying. He tilted his head slightly in contemplation. There weren't many people he could go to talk to these days, and he needed to get this off his chest. "He hit her," Derek finally spoke softly.

"What?"

"He hit her, when he found out, he hit her. Right across the face. Right in front of me. I couldn't...I didn't..." He trailed off, looking down.

Addison's hand went up to her mouth. "My God, that's...horrible! I'm so sorry. Is she okay?" Her question was genuine.

Derek nodded. "She's pretty resilient."

Addison smiled. "So, I've noticed."

Derek returned her smile, but failed to respond, unsure of how much she was willing to discuss with him, and unsure of how much he was willing to discuss with her. Not to mention how happy Meredith would be knowing he was discussing any of this with his ex-wife.

Addison chattered on, unaware of Derek's hesitation. "Wow, all that and she has to write the exam today...how is that girl still breathing?"

Derek flinched at her choice of words, the events of the previous month still fresh in his mind.

It only took her a moment of contemplating Derek's shocked expression before she realized her mistake. "Oh!" And her hand went to her mouth for the third time. "Oh, Derek, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. Look at me, two for two. I'm so sorry," she repeated.

Derek took a breath. "It's okay."

Addison tilted her head and sighed. "I really am sorry, Derek."

Derek nodded. "I know. And it really is okay." He almost smiled. "You always did have a way of saying the wrong thing, with the right intentions of course." He was trying to lighten the mood.

Addison snorted. "Thanks," she said sarcastically. "But seriously, Derek, I am sorry about Susan. She was a good woman."

Derek nodded again. "Yes, she was."

Addison gave him a quizzical look. "Are you okay?" She asked. The elevator stopped, beeping as it indicated arrival on the requested floor. Addison sighed and stepped off, assuming the conversation was over. Derek surprised her by following her out of the elevator and keeping pace towards her office.

"I don't know," Derek said, honestly. "I don't know if I'm okay."

Addison remained silent for a few moments as they headed down the hall together. She waited for him to respond, unsure of just how much prodding he would take. She didn't know him as well as she once had.

Derek sighed, unconsciously running his hand through his hair. "I need for her to get through this test. I need for her to pass," he finally said.

Addison slowed her pace, turning to face him. His words made sense in her mind, but she couldn't place his tone. "She will," Addison offered.

Derek finally stopped, turning fully to face his ex-wife.

"But what if she doesn't?"

Addison tilted her head, trying to read his expression, trying to understand what he was really getting to. "She'll do fine, Derek. She's a good doctor, a good surgeon. And you know I wouldn't just say it." She paused with a wry smile, but when he didn't respond, she continued. She sighed. "Look, worse-case scenario, she fails. It's not the end of the world, Derek. It'll sting for a while, but she'll buckle down and repeat the year and then you'll both move on. Something you can laugh at in a few years. No one would blame her, not after what she went through this year."

Derek shook his head. "No. No, she can't fail," he said. "Because if she fails, I don't think she'll ever come back and..." he trailed off.

Addison tried to be supportive. "She'd come back," she offered. "She'd have to, she's too good at what she does not to. Richard would make her come back."

Derek still shook his head. "No, she can't fail," he repeated. "It would kill her, and it would..." he trailed off.

"What?" Addison asked softly, reaching out to lay a comforting hand on his arm.

Derek paused for a moment before pulling away, offering her a small smile as a thank-you for trying. "Never mind," he muttered. "It's nothing." And with that he made to head back down the hallway they had just come up.

Addison hesitated. "Derek," she finally called out, right before he turned a corner. He stopped, turning to face her as she hurried up the hall towards him. "Whatever it is, it's not nothing, Derek. And you don't need to tell me," she sighed and took a breath, "but you need to tell her."

Derek nodded. "I know," he said simply.

"Are you going to talk to her?" Addison asked.

Derek simply shrugged and turned the corner, disappearing in the mess of people frequenting the busy hospital hallway.


	7. Thirtythree

**"That's time, people. Please place your pencil down on the table in front of you**** and stay seated****. I will collect the tests before you are allowed to leave."**

A series of groans erupted from various parts of the room. Meredith looked up; she had just started the second review of her answers. Dutifully placing her pencil down on the table, she sighed, grateful the test was finished. Overall she was confident with her answers, but only time would tell. She passed her test papers to the proctor as he walked by. After he passed by, she met eyes with George, who offered her a shrug and a wry smile. She returned the smile, revelling in the feeling of being done. No more studying and stress, she couldn't change what had happened now. A sudden swell of gratitude towards Derek hit her. That he knew her enough to stop her from studying in order to calm her down...

**"****Okay, people, you can go." **

Meredith filed out of the room, only to be pulled out of the line as she tried to walk by.

"How did it go? Did it go okay? Did you know the answer to thirty-three, cause I wasn't sure. First I thought **A** for sure, but then when I went back, I thought maybe **C**. I'm not sure. Do you know?"

Meredith had to laugh at her best friend's antics. "Cristina, I have no idea what you're talking about."

Christa gave her an incredulous stare as they made they're way out of the testing room, bumping into their three fellow interns. "How could you not know?"

"Know what?" Izzy asked.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "The answer to thirty-three."

Izzy nodded. "The nephrology question? I wasn't sure either. I chose **A**."

"Damn," Cristina muttered. "I was thinking **A**, but then I changed to **C**."

Izzy thought for a moment, and then she nodded. "You may be right, Cristina. It definitely could have been **C**." George and Alex nodded their agreement. They turned to Meredith.

She shook her head. "I still don't know which question you're talking about. There was more than one neph question."

"She didn't have trouble with thirty-three?" Alex asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Evidently not," Cristina replied.

"Oh, well then," Izzy said. "We shouldn't be seen speaking to her."

"Exactly what I was thinking," said Alex with a smirk towards Meredith that told her he, along with her, had no idea what question they were talking about, but he was going along with it anyway. She shook her head at him and he quirked his eyebrows in response.

They turned to go.

"Hey, this so isn't fair," Meredith called. "Come on guys. Seriously? Cristina!"

Cristina turned to her person, a glint in her eyes. "I'm sorry Mer, but I have a wedding to prepare for."

"And I suppose that in preparation you still expect me to throw your bachelorette party?"

Cristina only nodded. "Of course. I'll see you at seven. Come on, guys," she added to the rest of the group, who turned to follow her down the hall.

"Cristina!" She called, but to no response. "Izzy! Alex!" Izzy glanced at her with a laughing smile and Alex simply raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "George!"

George paused and turned to face her. "Apparently we're not talking to you, Mer." He shrugged. "Sorry." And with that he turned and hurried to catch up.

Meredith laughed. "You guys suck!" She called after them. Her friends definitely had their quirks, but she wouldn't have it any other way. She glanced at her watch, wondering if Derek was still in surgery. It had only been scheduled to start two hours ago, so he must still be there. She headed towards the gallery.

OOOOO

Derek closed his eyes and took a breath, stretching upwards in an attempt to work some of the tension out of his back. He rolled his neck side to side a few times before resuming his work. He glanced at the time, and in doing so, caught one of the scrub nurses giving him a look of concern. It was not unusual for a surgeon to take a momentary break to stretch his body, but it was unusual for him to have done so as often as he had in the past three hours. He was unsure as to be surprised by how quick or how slow this operation was progressing. In one way it seemed as if he had just begun, in another he felt like he had been standing over that table forever. Meredith should have been out of her exam for a little over an hour by now and he wondered if it had gone okay. He hoped it had more than anything. Derek shook his head free of all external thoughts and refocused on his patient.

It was close to an hour later, well past the critical phase of the surgery that he looked up again, this time, his gaze climbing higher than the wall clock and meeting the eyes of the lone woman sitting in the gallery. He was not performing a ground breaking operation, so it was no surprise to him that the gallery was empty upon his commencement of the surgery. But he had not even noticed her entrance. If she had now been out of her exam for two hours, he wondered how long she had been sitting there. Surely not the whole time. But he couldn't recall glancing up at the gallery before, so he couldn't be sure one way or another.

Meredith smiled when she saw Derek look up at her. He had been so intent on his work that she was pretty sure he had not previously been aware of her presence. She offered him a bright smile. He returned it, but even behind his cap and mask, she knew it did not nearly reach his eyes. He seemed off. She smiled again, nodding her head, trying to communicate that her test had gone well, that she was thankful to him for saving her, that she loved him. She hoped she could convey that much to him with a smile and a nod.

Derek stared upwards as long as he felt he could without concerning his surgical team. Meredith smiled at him, and it didn't look false, didn't look like she was putting up a false front. He took that to be a good sign. She smiled again, nodding her head in the process, and he knew. Knew her test had gone well. Knew she wasn't upset about it. This put him at ease, at least for the time being. He nodded back up at her and got back to work, a weight off his shoulders as his pace picked up and his skilled fingers fixed the remainder of the damage.

After he passed his patient off to a resident to close for him, Derek glanced upwards towards the gallery, noting his girlfriend's absence; he hadn't even noticed her leave, nor had any idea how long she had been gone. He scrubbed out and made towards the waiting room to tell the patient's family to good news. The tumour had been removed successfully.

"Hey," a familiar voice called to him as he stepped out the door of the surgical area and into the main hallway.

He turned, smiling at her hurrying form. She must have just left the gallery. "Hey, yourself. How did it go?" He questioned as carefully as he could, his heart thudding.

"Great," she said as she lifted her arms up, around his neck, barely slowing her pace in the process.

Derek laughed lightly as her weight slammed against him. He returned the gesture, his arms wrapping tightly around her waist. Ducking his head, he buried his nose into the crook of her neck and breathed her in.

"At least I hope it went great. I think it did," she continued, still holding him tightly, her arms around his neck and one hand wrapped around the curls near the bottom of his head.

Derek pulled back far enough to see her. He nodded his head. "That's good."

Meredith nodded as well. "Yeah, it is. I got to check over the whole thing once, and was just starting a second review when I ran out of time, but that's okay, right?" She smiled up at him and breathed.

Derek nodded again. "That's okay, Meredith, that's good. If you review too much, you second guess yourself."

Meredith smiled and pulled him close again, closing her eyes as she took a moment to lay her head on his shoulder, momentarily happy to simply be close to him.

Derek glanced around warily as he rested his head against hers, taking a moment to simply revel in her nearness. The hallway was all-but deserted, but you could never be too careful in Seattle Grace and he knew she didn't like to make big shows of their relationship at work. But right now, he decided he just didn't care; he just needed to be close to her. He leaned his head onto hers, breathing in the lavender of her hair. She sighed, shifting slightly as she breathed and then relaxed into his grasp again as he gently rubbed her back.

When she finally pulled away, she rested a hand gently against his cheek. "Thank-you," she whispered.

He placed a hand over hers. "For what?"

She smiled. "For being you, for making me calm down, for knowing I could do it. Knowing that you had faith in me...well, it really helped. I think it was the only thing that got me through that test."

Derek swallowed, feeling a stinging behind his eyes. He didn't know what to say to that. Apparently Meredith understood and moved the conversation onwards as she gripped his hand gently and pulled it downwards, now holding it between both of her hands. She squeezed tight.

"So, anyway, I have to get going soon, got to go get drinks and food and things for Cristina's party. Izzy is supposed to help me...but I'm not sure if she's talking to me yet..." She shrugged.

"Why isn't she talking to you?"

"Oh, none of my friends are talking to me," Meredith responded. "Because I didn't have trouble with question thirty-three."

"What was question thirty-three?"

Meredith shook her head. "I have no idea." She laughed.

Derek had to laugh at the antics her friends got up to. He had never quite known friendship like theirs. When he was at her place in life, he had already been married, so the whole friends being family thing had just never happened. He didn't quite understand it, but he was glad she had it.

"So, anyway, I have to get going. I guess I won't see you till the wedding tomorrow, or are you planning on crashing my party?" She asked jokingly.

"Oh, right, I have to tell you. Apparently Preston's best man bailed, so he asked me to step in. I'm throwing my own party tonight."

Meredith laughed. "You're throwing a bachelor party?"

He nodded.

"Where? In the trailer?" She joked.

"Oh, ha ha," he said. "Make fun of the trailer. If you must know, I'm having it at Joe's."

"Joe's? Not very exclusive." She raised an eyebrow.

He shrugged. "Hey, give me a break. He asked me like five minutes before surgery. A little short notice."

Meredith laughed. "What's the guest list like?"

Derek shrugged. "I'm up to two."

"Who?"

He smiled. "Me, and Preston."

She laughed again. "Derek, you two don't count."

"Then I got nothing."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, then seeing as you'll be in town tonight, why not stop by when you're wild party is over."

He smiled, his hands finding her hips as he leaned close to her. "I may just take you up on that."

"Good, because the whole Best Man, Maid of Honour thing," she stated. "Too good to ignore." She leaned upwards and kissed him, pulling away after a few seconds before smiling and vacating the space in front of him. He watched her wander down the hall and sighed, sending an umpteenth silent prayer to whoever would listen that she had passed the test. Because if she hadn't... No, he couldn't think like that. Not unless he had to. His heart constricted at the thought. He pushed it from his mind, and focussed on the patient's family he had to inform, and then he had a party to throw.


	8. Par Tay Time

Derek lifted his glass, only to realize it was empty. He shrugged and glanced at his _wild_ party of four: his new semi-friend, his ex-best friend, his ex-wife and himself. He shrugged; it was the best he could do on such short notice. Richard wanted to stay with Adele and everyone else had been busy. He had even invited Alex and George. Alex had seemed interested, but pulled out when he heard Addison and Mark would be there, and George had been scheduled to work that night.

Looking around the small table he noted that one, everyone's drinks were low, and two, it was his turn to buy. He mumbled his intentions and got up to head towards the bar. He was almost not the least bit wobbly on his feet. They had only had two or three rounds so far. Maybe four, but no more than that. All in all, it did seem to be going well. It was nice to be out with these people again. Addison occasionally sent him concerned glances, likely from their conversation earlier, but seemed intent to let it go, which he was grateful for.

And then there was Mark. As much as he hated to admit it, he did miss his friend. And ever since that fateful day where Mark had sat beside him on the floor for an hour, not speaking, simply belaying his support...well, it seemed to Derek that they had turned a corner. He found himself less angry at Mark, less motivated to cut him out of his life. He wasn't ready to forgive and forget quite yet, but the alcohol was definitely making him think that maybe one day...

Upon reaching the bar, he signalled to Joe for another round. The bartender nodded and motioned it would be a few moments. It wasn't until he felt a form bump his elbow that he was aware of a presence beside him. He glanced sideways and nodded a polite greeting.

"Hi," the brunette beside him said, smiling.

"Hi," he returned, glancing at Joe to see if there was any progress on the drinks front. Joe was busily mixing some sort of drinks that Derek couldn't make out from the opposite end of the bar, but he definitely wasn't pouring beer.

"Can I buy you a drink?" She spoke.

He was taken aback by her question, unsure of how to respond. "Wow, that's very forward."

The brunette shrugged. "Bad day," she said. "I get to be forward today."

"I know the feeling," Derek said. "I've had a bad day too. I've actually had quite a few bad days..."

She smiled. "So, what do you say, one drink?"

Derek blinked, trying to gauge how the conversation had led him here. Maybe there had been more rounds than he originally thought...or maybe he hadn't eaten much today, making the alcohol to food ratio far higher than expected. He shook his head slightly and offered the girl a small smile. "I'm actually with some friends," he tried to let her off easy. "It's kind of a bachelor party."

She nodded. "That's too bad."

Derek suddenly felt compelled to continue. "And I'm kind of in love with my girlfriend." A smile came unwittingly to his mouth at his own words. He would never tire of using the word love in relation to Meredith. He would tell the whole world if he could...she would kill him, but he would still do so.

The brunette seemed taken aback. "Oh, I'm sorry, you just seemed... kind of sad."

"Like I said, I had a bad day, actually kind of a bad week...month...year." He muttered the last two. "For the most part, anyway."

The brunette laughed gently. "Trust me, I know the feeling, at least about the last week. I could give you a run for your money." Her tone had changed, he noted, from one of enquiry to more camaraderie. He may be somewhat intoxicated, but he was pretty sure she wasn't a threat.

Derek scoffed. "Oh yeah, give me your best shot."

Then, before brunette had a chance to respond, something hard collided with the back of his head. "Owe!" he cried out as he whipped his head around to meet the glare of his ex-wife.

"What the hell are you doing?" She demanded.

He held a hand to his head. "Owe," he repeated, ignoring her question. "What was that for?"

"What do you think you're doing?" She repeated, motioning at the brunette, who had a stunned look on her face, her eyes wide.

It was then that Derek understood. He rolled his eyes. "Addy, this is so not what you think."

"It really isn't, we were just talking," the woman offered. She turned her attention to Addison. "I take it you're the girlfriend?" She asked, as if making sure Addison knew that she was aware this man she was talking to in the bar had a girlfriend.

Derek almost laughed at the stupidity of the situation. How he got himself into these situations, he would never know... And they had definitely never happened before he met Meredith. She had quite the influence on him. However, he forced himself not to laugh. He knew it would end badly for him if he did.

Addison didn't respond.

Derek rolled his eyes. "No, she's not my girlfriend. She's..." He trailed off, deciding not to explain further. The stranger in the bar that he would probably never see again didn't need to know about his awkward relationship with his ex-wife. He changed his tone. "I don't date people who hit me for no reason," he joked, trying to make light of the situation.

Addison glared at him and he cringed, angry-Addy had always been intimidating; apparently a divorce certificate did not change that. "Tell me again what you were doing?" She demanded.

"I was waiting for drinks and started talking. Just talking, nothing more."

"Have you even ordered yet?" She challenged.

Joe chose to show up at an opportune moment, placing four beers down on the bar. "Here you go, sorry about the wait." And then he was gone again.

Derek smirked. "Good timing, Addy, you can help me carry the drinks." And with that he nodded a farewell to the woman at the bar, grabbed two of the beers and headed back to his table, leaving Addison fuming at the bar with the last two beers.

Addison, of course, lectured him back at the table, in front of Mark and Preston, who at least stood up for him. Having Addison lecture him on cheating seemed hypocritical, but he bit back any comments he thought of, not wanting to destroy the party. He simply repeated time and time again that he loved Meredith and would never, ever cheat on her. The conversation had been innocent. Soon, Addison was called away anyway, when the woman who was carrying Joe and Walter's potential child passed out at the bar. And then soon after, Preston bid his farewell, not wanting to be tired and/or hung over for his wedding the following day. He had had a few more drinks by then and when Mark suggested they stay for another round, Derek could think of no reason not to.

000

Meredith awoke and tiredly tossed and turned on the couch, trying to get comfortable. By the clock on the wall, she hadn't been asleep long. She had expected to party well into the night, but the bachelorette party had wrapped up just after midnight.

Cristina had disappeared sometime during the party, and once they realized she was gone, had found her passed out, draped across Meredith's bed. As much as Meredith loved her best friend, she didn't want to spend another night fighting for covers and space on the bed. Izzy, of course, had her own bed and somehow when Alex had failed to return from the hospital, Callie had gotten his bed. Meredith could remember playing the gracious host, but now was regretting it. She was uncomfortable and turned over again, suddenly realizing there was still toilet paper wrapped tightly around her torso in the form of a dress. Obviously they had gone through more alcohol last night than she had previously believed. She laughed at herself and made to sit up when she heard movement on the stairs. Maybe it was Cristina and she could make a play for her bed and barricade the door.

A familiar form stumbled into the front hallway, and she smiled. When he had failed to show up, she had assumed he had crashed at the hospital, or gone home. But by the late time, and his uneven steps, she could tell that his _wild_ bachelor party had been wilder than expected.

"Derek," she called as quietly as she could, sitting up straighter.

He turned towards the sound of her voice, groping his way into the living room. "Meredith? Is that you?" He said a little too loudly.

She giggled at the tone of his voice. "I'm right here, on the couch."

He paused for a moment, eyes adjusting to the darkness before he smiled and moved to sit beside her.

His weight collapsed onto the cushion beside her, and an arm snaked out to pull her close. He kissed the top of her head, whether he meant to, or because he missed her face, she didn't know. "Thank god," he muttered, pulling her close. "I almost got into bed with Cristina. And let me tell you, she was not very happy."

Meredith laughed at the thought. "Derek, you're drunk," she accused, her tone light.

He shook his head and scoffed, his eyes closed. "No, I'm not."

She continued laughing. "Oh, you so are."

He shrugged. "Okay, maybe a little, but it's okay, because I took a cab," he explained proudly.

She rolled her eyes. "Do you think you could have even found your car?"

He opened one eye and glared at her before closing it. "Prolly not," he muttered.

She laughed. "Well, I'm glad you're home."

He sighed, pulling her in tight. "Me too." Even in his inebriated state, he failed to miss how easily the term _home _rolled off her lips. He smiled.

"I take it, it was a good party."

He nodded. "I guess. Addy and Mark came. Addy left pretty early, then Preston. Then it was just me and Mark. He suggested another round, though I'm pretty sure it was more than one more round." His pressure on her relaxed as he leaned his head back on the couch, his eyes remaining closed, an arm still draped loosely over her shoulder.

Meredith shook her head. "You and Mark got drunk together, just the two of you?"

Derek shrugged. "Yep, we did. I guess I'm forgiving him. Can't stay mad forever, especially when what he did led me to you."

Meredith smiled at his words, knowing he may not know or remember what he was saying, but it meant something to hear them.

"Oh," Derek said suddenly. "If Addy tells you I was hitting on a girl, it isn't true."

"Excuse me?"

Derek shrugged, not moving his head from the back of the couch. "I was waiting for drinks and this woman started talking to me. End of story. She said she had a bad day. I told her I had a girlfriend. Nothing happened between us, but then Addy hit me, and then she was sure I was cheating on you. But I wasn't, I swear. I would never."

Meredith had to smile at the matter-of-factness of his words. She shook her head at his state and decided to let the subject go for now, she would get better answers tomorrow anyway.

"Do you believe me?" He asked gently.

Meredith almost laughed. "Of course I believe you, Derek."

"Good, now can we get to the whole Best Man, Maid of Honour thing?"

Now Meredith really laughed. "Derek, it's like three in the morning and you're drunk."

He barely shrugged. "So?"

She rolled her eyes. "Are you up to the Best Man, Maid of Honour thing, Derek?"

He seemed to contemplate this for a few moments. "No, probably not. But can we tell people I was if they ask?"

She had to shake her head at him. He was drunk and barely conscious. And still he was worried someone would think less of him as a man. "Of course," she answered, wanting to ask him who he thought would be asking about their sex life the next day, but refrained.

"Good, can we go to bed now?"

Meredith smiled. "I hate to tell you this, but the couch is bed tonight."

"Why?"

She laughed. "Cause Cristina usurped my bed. Remember almost getting in bed with her?"

Derek took a moment before responding. "Right, I forgot. Hey, don't tell Addy by the way. She'll hit me again."

"I won't," she comforted him, laughing slightly. "Now come on, Derek," she said as she pulled him down beside her, pushing her back up against his chest and wrapping his arms around her. She smiled as he tightened his embrace by himself. She lay quietly as he shifted against her, adjusting to the couch, and then slowly drifted off to sleep. She then let his even breath against the back of her neck lull her to sleep as well. She didn't wake up again until morning.

_**AN: Look at me, three updates in the same week! **__**lol**__**. I'm totally on a roll. So, this was another lighter chapter to brace some of the not-so-light stuff. And I know there was at least one request to exclude **__**Lexie**__** Grey, but I want to stick with the actually show as much as possible, just **__**changing what would have happened**__** should Mere**__**dith and Derek had handled thin**__**g**__**s**__** differently. **__**Anyway...**_


	9. clicks and flashes

Faint clicking and flashes of light.

These were the first things that penetrated Derek's sleep muddled brain. And as they slowly brought him closer to consciousness, the annoyances became more systematic and not simply random occurrences. The clicking grew louder and it was always accompanied by the light flashes.

Barely aware, Derek was unable to place the source or meaning of the annoyances. He groaned slightly as he shifted, pulling closer to his still slumbering girlfriend. He pressed his face into the back of her head, into her hair, breathing in the familiar scent. But there was more clicking, more flashes. He couldn't effectively shield himself.

"Oh, aren't they cute?" Izzy's voice drifted into his subconscious. He didn't know what she was talking about... and it hurt too much to wonder. He squeezed his eyes tighter, trying to make the splitting pain behind them dissipate. One more click followed by one more flash. And he felt Meredith move.

"Seriously!" He heard her voice, still scratchy from sleep. "Seriously? You guys are so dead." And with those words she was suddenly absent from his arms. There was a screech and sounds of a struggle. He groaned and opened his eyes, blinking hard as he adjusted to the light. He could see movement, but couldn't make any sense of it at this angle. Slowly, careful of his stiff limbs, he struggled into a sitting position. He immediately knew this was a mistake when his head and stomach shouted out in protest simultaneously. He ended up in a half-sitting pose, head in his hands with his elbows resting on his knees, waiting for the world to stop spinning.

As the dizziness and nausea decreased in magnitude the scuffling ceased with a triumphant, "ha," from Meredith. He ventured to open one eye, then the other, blinking furiously. After a moment of adjusting, the room came into focus. He spotted Meredith, a camera in hand, glaring at a guilty Izzy and Cristina. The origin of the clicking and flashing now made sense to him.

"Do I take pictures of you when you sleep?" Meredith was ranting. "No, I don't because I'm a good friend. That's why."

So they had been taking pictures of him and Meredith sleeping. But, why? What he wouldn't do for his brain to be functioning on a higher level right now.

"Oh, come on, Mer." Izzy's voice again. "You were so cute, we couldn't resist."

"Oh no, Barbie," Cristina cut in. "I will not be any part of thinking anything is cute. I simply thought it good to have blackmail pictures available for future use."

Meredith shook her head. "Blackmail pictures. Seriously? I just threw you a freaking party, and you want blackmail pictures?"

Cristina shook her head. "I didn't mean of you. I meant for him," she motioned toward Derek. "And hey, I deserve this, he tried to get in bed with me last night."

"He what?" Izzy demanded, turning towards Derek. "You what?"

It took Derek a moment to decipher her question, then quite a few moments to attempt to withdraw pertinent information from the depth of his foggy mind. He could remember stumbling out of the cab the night before, having trouble making his key work, then fumbling up the stairs. He had found his way to her room, removed his shoes and jacket. Then he had sat on the side of the bed, just starting to lay down when the figure on the bed turned over to reveal... someone who was very much not Meredith...and very much not happy.

_"Don't even think about it, McDreamy!" __Cristina__'s voice rang out. "Get the hell out!" And he had._

He was still trying to pull back the memories of what had happened after that when he realized the three girls were staring at him. Izzy, still clad in her pyjamas, had a surprised expression on her face, while Cristina, wearing what she had probably been wearing the night before, looked amused, but not surprised. Meredith just looked sympathetic. And what on earth was she wearing? He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head as he regarded her.

Then Izzy started laughing, pulling his attention away from Meredith's outfit. "Oh, my God, is he hung over?" She asked. "Are you hung over?" She turned her attention to him.

Derek wanted to shake his head, but didn't think he was up to the task. He sighed, not wanting to weaken himself in the eyes of people who were still technically his interns, at least for the next couple days. "Maybe a little," he finally admitted. And then Izzy and Cristina were laughing at him.

"Shut up," Meredith told them. "And get him some ibuprofen."

She shook her head as she turned her attention to Derek. "I'm sorry about that." She said sympathetically.

He shrugged. "S'okay," he muttered, motioning for her to join him on the couch.

She smiled and collapsed onto the couch beside Derek, smiling when he snaked an arm around her. "How're you feeling?"

"Better now." He told her, leaning his head into hers. "Morning," he told her.

She laughed. "Morning." And for a few moments, she simply revelled in being close to him, all negative thoughts attributed to the past week momentarily forgotten as the feeling of Derek's hand sliding slowly up and down her side calmed her.

"Meredith," he said after a moment, his hand stopped its movement. "What are you wearing?"

"Hmm?" She questioned as she opened her eyes, glancing down at her clothes. She jolted when she realized she was still wearing the toilet paper dress from the night before. She jumped up. "Shit," she muttered as she tried to come up with a suitable explanation. She spun around when she heard movement behind her. Izzy and Cristina had re-entered, ibuprofen and water in hand, respectively. Meredith glared at Izzy, it had been her stupid idea in the first place.

"Hey, Mer..." at the sound of his voice, she turned back around to face Derek, only to be momentarily blinded when the camera she had left on the couch, that had somehow ended up in his hands, went off. She stood with a shocked expression on her face as he smirked at her. Izzy and Cristina were laughing as they passed her, bringing Derek his necessities.

"Thanks, guys," he said gratefully as he took the pills and drained the water.

"Good job, McDreamy. I'm impressed. I didn't know you had it in you." Cristina said.

"Yeah, that was hilarious," Izzy was nodding emphatically, turning to stare at Meredith, who was now glaring at her boyfriend.

"I can not believe you just did that," Meredith told him.

"Well, we're just going to leave you two alone to talk," Cristina said as she grabbed Izzy's elbow and making to leave. They were both still laughing.

"Hold on a sec," Derek said, standing up. "Izzy," he said, holding out her camera. There was a pause as Izzy and Meredith realized at the same time what was going on. And Izzy was closer. She grabbed the camera out of Derek's hand and bolted, right in time for Derek to grab Meredith and prevent her from following Izzy, who was now on her way up the stairs. There was no way Meredith could catch up before Izzy could reach her room, and more importantly, lock her door.

Meredith yelled at her roommate, as Derek held her struggling form as still as he could.

Cristina was appraising him, one eyebrow raised. She smirked. "Well, McDreamy, let me just say that I'm glad I'm not you right now." She turned her attention to Meredith, who had stopped struggling, but was still in his arms, stunned at his sudden traitorous behaviour. "Well, Mer, thanks for the party. I have to get going. Uh, let me know if I have to make a wedding party change, will ya?" She motioned at Derek. And with that she was gone.

Meredith turned in his arms, pushing away from him.

"I cannot believe you just did that!" She was on the verge of yelling, standing in front of Derek, not caring what she was wearing anymore. "I was protecting _you_, and this is how you repay me, Derek I swear..." She cut off at the smile on his face and twinkle in his eyes. He held a small, black square out in his hand, as if some sort of peace offering. "What..." She cut off when she realized he was holding a photo card. Then she laughed, grabbing the small object out of his hand. "You're an ass, Derek." She swiped out playfully at his chest.

He laughed as well, and pulled her close again. "Hey, be nice. I'll always have your back, Meredith."

Meredith smiled, pulling him closer. "I know, I just forgot for a moment."

He smiled. "So, now that I got you your prize and your revenge over Izzy when she realizes what happened, are you going to explain the outfit?"

She sighed, pulling away to arms length and staring down at herself, suddenly feeling the need to pull the makeshift dress off. Or, at least, what was left of it. The strips that had once been hanging gracefully from her waist were in shambles, some having ripped off overnight and the remainder hanging bent and awkward. "We were playing a game...and somehow I got volunteered. We were supposed to take turns, but somehow I don't think we ended up doing that."

Derek laughed at her embarrassment.

Meredith smiled. "Cristina wanted to set me on fire..."

He smirked. "Well, I think you look very pretty." He placated, only half filled with sarcasm.

"Shut up, Derek, and help me get it off."

He placated her by holding onto the end, while she spun circles in front of him.

"That's better," she said when she was free of the paper dress.

He shrugged. "I liked the look." He smirked. "And I can see it whenever I want." He held up the disk.

"Give me that," she demanded, her small fingers not having to work hard to pry open his larger hands and claim her prize.

She pocketed the disk, mock glaring at him before sinking into his arms, leaning her face up against his chest. "How's your head?" She questioned.

He sighed happily. "Better now."

"That's what I'm here for," she muttered. And then they were both laughing.

_**AN: So, due to a semi-challenge by skye3, I plan to update everyday for one week. **__**Lol**____** So, wish me luck, because there's a good chance the last update will be one paragraph long. **__**ha**____**ha**__**, I hope not. Oh, and I wanted to take chance to say a big thank-you to everyone who is reviewing, you are keeping me motivated and ensuring I know the story is being understood. Thanks! **_


	10. We have a wedding to get to

Derek hurried through the hall towards the locker room, hoping to catch Meredith before she left for the wedding hall. He had finally succeeded in removing Burke from surgery, leaving the groom to shower and change before driving to the hall. So far Derek though he was doing a stand up job as best man. He had stood as a groomsman at all four of his sisters' weddings, but he had never been best man before. He had always assumed he would be Mark's one day, assuming the plastic surgeon ever got married. But now, this may be his only shot.

He quickly headed for the intern locker room, his heart thudding as it had since he had heard the preliminary results had been released to the interns in question. When he had written the test, the first results had taken at least a week, and it had come as quite a surprise for him to hear some of Weston's interns talking animatedly about their passing.

Turning the last corner, he arrived at the door and reached a hand out, only to have the door open in front of him. Meredith's fellow interns flooded past him. Meredith smiled at him and handed Izzy the dress, saying she would meet them at the church. And then they were gone, and the door swung shut, leaving them in silence.

Then she smiled. "I passed," she said quietly, a hint of a smile playing on her lips.

He let go of a breath he didn't know he had been holding as relief swept over him in waves. His lips curled up into a happy smile. "Good," he said, pulling her into a bear hug; wrapping his arms tightly around her. "Congratulations."

"Thank-you," she whispered as she returned the hug. After a few peaceful moments she spoke again. "Thank-you, Derek," she repeated. "For everything. I don't think...If you hadn't..." She shook her head, and pulled back just far enough to stare him in the eye. "I don't think I would have gotten through this week without you. I would never have passed the test."

Derek shook his head. "You would have been fine without me."

Meredith disagreed. "No, I wouldn't, I really wouldn't. You've been there for me all week, Derek. As much as it scares me, you've been there. And that...that feels really good. Really right."

Derek allowed a smile at her words, knowing they were only partly true. "You would have been fine without me," he repeated. "Great, in fact."

She scowled and tilted her head. "Why won't you let me thank you?" She asked, a critical gaze sweeping over his face.

Derek shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. "Because you don't need to thank me, Mer." He really didn't want to discuss this particular topic any further.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I think I'm rubbing off on you too much."

He smirked, tightened his grip around her waist. "You can rub off on me as much as you want."

"Derek!" She scolded him, but there was laughter in her eyes.

He reached one hand up to the back of her head, and pulled her close, meeting her lips with his. He had definitely succeeded in taking her mind of the original topic.

Meredith was still trying not to laugh when Derek's lips came crashing down on hers. She quickly responded, pulling closer, one hand gripping around his neck, the other wandering down to the hem of his shirt. She groaned in frustration as her hands slid under his jacket to meet a tucked in shirt.

Derek's hands were doing wonders as he rubbed them over the bare skin on the exposed part of her back, his fingers tangling in her hair. In her ploy to un-tuck his shirt, she barely noticed him gently steering her backwards, pushing them against the lockers. Up against a solid surface, Derek's body pushing against hers, Meredith moaned into his mouth as the kiss deepened once more. His fingers were working the tie on the back of her dress when she realized what was happening.

"Derek," she tried to speak, and he moved his mouth away from hers to slowly work his lips down to her jaw and neck. She tried not to moan. "Derek," she said again.

"Mmm," he mumbled, as his assault continued.

She was breathing hard as she reached behind her head to disengage his hands and pull them around to rest in front of her. He lifted his head up, panting as he stared at his own hands, clutched tightly in hers.

She almost laughed at his questioning expression and leaned forward to place a quick kiss on his lips. "We can't do this now," she muttered.

"But we need to celebrate," he whispered, leaning into her, his lips coming dangerously close to hers.

She shook her head. "Yes, we do, but not now."

He muttered something incoherent and leaned in to rest his forehead against hers. He was still breathing hard.

She smiled, her lips so close to his. "We have to get to the wedding."

He nodded against her, but made no move to leave.

She closed her eyes and breathed in, deep and refreshing. How her life had changed. Her mother was still dead. Her step-mother was still dead. Her father still wasn't talking to her. But it all seemed okay right now. It all seemed like something she could handle. She had passed her last official test. By the end of the week she would be a full fledged surgical resident. And Derek would be there, celebrating with her. Happy for her. Proud of her. And most importantly, he would be there. He would simply be there, with her. She had never had something like that. Never had support she could lean on, could trust to be there. But slowly and surely she found herself trusting the man in front of her. She found herself believing that he really would still be there tomorrow. He wasn't running for the hills. He really did love her.

She sighed happily and angled her forehead away from his, pushing her lips up against his, gently, not insistent like before. She kissed him for several seconds before pulling back and looking him straight in the eye. "I love you, Derek," she told him.

He smiled, blinked once or twice as his lips tightened, just a bit, almost unnoticeable. "I love you too, Meredith." There was something about the look in his eyes, something about the tone of his voice. There was something there that she couldn't quite read. Happiness, relief, thankfulness, and something more...sadness, guilt maybe? She gazed into his eyes, searching for an answer that wasn't there. Or maybe he wasn't ready to give it.

She tilted her head. "What's the matter, Derek?" She asked softly.

"Nothing's the matter," he whispered. "I'm happy for you."

She shook her head. "But you seem...off."

He shrugged. "It's been a stressful week. I'm just relieved it's almost over."

She paused and contemplated his words for a moment, knowing there was something else, but not sure how tangible it was, not sure how far to push to issue. But then he smiled the McDreamy smile, which still made her melt, and she found herself smiling back.

"So," he was saying. "We have to get to the church, get through the wedding and the reception, and then," he raised an eyebrow suggestively, "We can go home and celebrate."

She was still laughing as he took her hand and led her out of the locker room.

_**AN: Update number 3 for this week! **__**Yay**____**Obviously shorter, middle chapter before the wedding.**__** Again, I'm trying to follow the story line as much as I can. Look for another update tomorrow.**_


	11. Momentary Freak out

"Are you okay?" Burke's questioning words pulled Derek from his thoughts. The relief that Meredith had passed her test was mixed with his thoughts on the meeting he had with the chief that morning. Coupled with everything else that had occurred through the week... and it was needless to say Derek was somewhat distracted. He really wasn't giving the best man gig his full attention.

"I'm fine. You need anything?" Derek asked, reaching forward to adjust Preston's tie. "Need a mint? Get away car?" He asked jokingly, happy with his best man skills when he made Burke smile.

"If it's the chief thing, don't worry about it. You deserve it," Burke told him, breaching a subject Derek really didn't want to talk about right now, especially not with Burke, right when he was about to get married. He still wasn't sure how he felt about it.

"Richard didn't pick me to be chief," Derek told him.

Burke looked taken aback. "We all assumed..." He trailed off. "Who did he pick?"

"I don't know, but it wasn't me." Derek said, avoiding making eye contact. He really didn't want to talk about this now.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Burke asked again.

Derek smiled and shrugged. "It's just been a really stressful week. I guess I'm still working through everything. But don't worry, because today is your day. It's all about you today."

Preston smiled. "You really are a good best man."

Derek smiled. "I sure am." They both laughed.

After a few moments Derek took a breath and tried to read Burke's expression. "Okay, now it's my turn. Are you okay? You look...I don't know...off?"

Burke shrugged, sloughing off the question. "I'm fine. A little nervous maybe?"

Derek smiled, surprised to see the other surgeon admitting to being nervous. "You sure that's all it is?"

"Weren't you nervous?" Preston questioned.

Flashes of his wedding came flooding back to Derek. _Pacing in the back room, waiting for the ceremony to begin.__ Mark pulling a flask out of his jacket pocket__, a knowing smile on his face__. Being told it was time to come and stand at the altar. __Mark pushing him through the door.__ The sea of smiling faces staring up at him.__The inability to differentiate between any __faces in __the__ sea of__ guests.__His throat getting tighter.__ Mark trying to joke with him, trying to make him relax. __The music starting to play.__The doors at the back of the church opening.__ The smiling faces moving their attention off him. __The__bridal party making their way up the aisle.__Losing track of the number of bridesmaids walking past him.__The music changing__ A__ddison__ making her way down__ the aisle, led by her father. __His throat tightening.__ Knowing he should be feeling something, but not feeling anything. He was too numb, too nervous._

Derek laughed and nodded. "Hell yeah, I was nervous."

Burke returned the laugh, but sobered quickly. "But it didn't work out," he said. "Maybe you were nervous for a reason?" And suddenly the conversation was serious.

Derek hesitated, surprised to be in the position he was in, but knowing his words could have increased effect if he failed to properly explain. "It didn't work out," he agreed. "But I was really young when I got married. We were both really young. And we grew apart. You guys will be fine," he said, trying to sound confident, knowing it was what Burke needed right now. "You're older than we were, more settled. If anything you can grow closer, not further." He hesitated. "I didn't know who I was then. It... it took me a long time to find out who I am. You know. You'll be fine."

Preston nodded, and Derek smiled. He hoped he had helped. They remained silent for just a few moments before the music began and the sea of faces turned expectantly to the back door, which remained closed.

And remained closed.

Still closed.

Derek gulped as he glanced at Preston. The other man was tense, his jaw set tightly. There was still no movement from the back of the church. "I should go see what's going on," Derek said quietly.

Burke shook his head. "No, I should go."

But Derek shook his head. "Sorry, but as best man, I can't let you break the bride-dress rule, the women tend to be very strict about that." He tried to make a light joke and quietly made his way past Burke, as if the congregation of people in the seats in front of them wouldn't notice if he didn't make any noise. "I'll be right back."

As he made his way down the aisle, he smiled at the guests, trying to look confident. He passed Addison, who was sitting alone at the edge of a bench, and she gave him a concerned look, to which he simply shrugged. When he reached the doors, he pushed one open just far enough to slip through.

The situation that met him on the other side came as no great surprise. Cristina was freaking out. Meredith was trying to calm her. Both Izzy and Callie were standing back, away from each other, obviously unsure of what to do.

"I have no words, Meredith. No words!" Cristina was near hysterical.

"It's going to be okay," Meredith was trying.

"Stop saying that! It's not going to be okay."

"Well, then what do you want me to say?"

"I don't know Meredith, just something else!"

There was silence while Meredith struggled to come up with something to tell her best friend. Derek cleared his throat.

"Is everything okay?" He asked gently.

"No, McDreamy!" Cristina really was closing in on a complete meltdown. "Everything is not okay! Okay? I have no vows."

Meredith sighed. "She had her vows written on her hand, and when she scrubbed in this afternoon, she washed them off."

Derek tried not to smile. He really did. He tried not to laugh. He tried really hard. And then Cristina was glaring at him, and he knew the yelling was about to start again. He held up a hand.

"So, write them back on," he stated, going with the simplest suggestion. Okum's Razor was always the best plan of attack.

"How?" Cristina demanded. "We don't have a pen," she motioned toward their outfits. "And I don't even remember what they said in the first place. Callie wrote them on my hand. I can't remember what they said," she repeated. "Which is why they got written on my hand in the first place."

Derek shrugged, reaching into his inner jacket pocket, and pulling out a pen. He tossed it to Callie, who eagerly stepped forward, grabbing Cristina's hand. The atmosphere of the room was calmer. Meredith smiled as she approached him, leaving Cristina, momentarily, in Callie's capable hands as the two tried to remember the original words on her hands.

"Ah, you're my hero," she spoke softly, jokingly, as she reached her arms up for a short hug.

He laughed and returned to hug. "It's what I'm here for," he whispered, making her laugh harder as they pulled away. "Anyway, I have a groom to get back to," he told her. "Just wave or something when you're ready."

She nodded and leaned in for a short kiss. "Thank-you," she whispered. "You saved us."

He shrugged. "Just doing my job." Then he smiled and raised an eyebrow. "I'm running for the best Best-Man of the year award."

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Don't you lose points for the bachelor party?"

"Hey! That's not fair. It was a great bachelor party for the amount of time I had."

She smiled and shook her head. "What ever you say, Derek."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "It had the same number of guests as your party, and you had way more time to prepare than me."

She rolled her eyes. "It's not my fault Cristina doesn't like people."

He mock-glared at her for a moment before leaning in to plant a kiss on her cheek and turning for the doors. "See you girls soon," he called before pulling open the door and disappearing through them.

All the way back up the aisle towards Preston, he tried not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. He couldn't meet any of the guest's faces in fear of laughing. Preston remained stoic, standing stock still at the altar, not portraying any emotion across his face. He met Derek's eyes discreetly, and Derek nodded, trying to relax the man. Preston wouldn't want anyone to know if he was anxious, but Derek knew he would be freaking out inside if he were ever in the same situation. The door at the back of the church not opening when the music started rarely ended well.

He stepped up to the front and turned to address the guests. "Don't worry, everything is going fine. The girls just have a... small technical issue," he said, successful in keeping the laughter at bay, but not the smile. "It'll just be a few moments." Then he turned away from the crowd and stepped towards Preston.

"Apparently your bride-to-be had written her vows on her hand," Derek whispered. "And just noticed now that she had washed them off when she scrubbed in this morning."

Burke's laughter was a welcome response. The man seemed calmer. "That sounds like Cristina."

Derek returned the laughter. "It sure does. They really aren't like other girls, are they?"

Burke shook his head. "No, no they're not." He really did seem calmer, more relaxed. The anxiety was washing away. He wasn't about to be stood up and embarrassed in front of his friends, family and coworkers.

"They just need a few minutes to re-write them, that's all. Meredith will motion when they're ready."

Burke nodded. "Okay." And he still seemed calmer, still a little tense, but calmer. And not anxious. And the guests, seeing the groom and best man laughing together were calmer. They turned their attention away and went back to quietly talking amongst themselves.

"You hanging in there?" Derek questioned lightly.

"I think so."

He wasn't sure how far to push things with the man beside him. Derek didn't know him well enough to read much past the surface. "You sure, man?"

Burke took a breath and nodded. "Sure. It's natural to be nervous, right?"

And even though he was pretty sure the question was supposed to be rhetorical, Derek nodded anyway. "Yeah, yeah I think so." He was still concerned, but the back door was opening and Meredith was nodding at him. He motioned to the priest and the music was starting again.

Callie made her way down the aisle, an apprehensive expression masked behind the smile. He could practical hear her silent, inner monologue with every step:_ don't trip, don't trip, I hate heels, don't trip, __don't__ trip._ He caught her smiling at George as she passed him on her way up the aisle. Then Izzy began her walk, a bright smile spreading across her features as she easily made her way up the aisle, no fear of tripping and falling in front of over a hundred people evident in her movement. Derek was surprised to see her give George the same smile Callie had, but the return from George was different, and that was...strange. But he had no time to debate it because Meredith was on her way, glancing behind her once or twice, as if to make sure Cristina was still there, and not running the other way. She held a happy smile on delicate features. She met his eyes and smiled at him, just him, for a moment as she carefully made her way up the aisle. And suddenly Derek's throat was dry as all he could do was smile back at her. Then she was taking her place across the altar, still smiling at him, and the music was changing, and everyone was silent. Cristina started making her way up the aisle, not quite smiling, but looking happy. A little apprehensive, but truly happy.

He heard Burke breathe deep and then fail to exhale beside him, and he glanced at the groom. This was the moment everything else was supposed to melt away, but he was still standing very still, not portraying any emotion. Derek nudged him gently, trying to break him out of the trance he was caught in. Burke's breathing caught and he nodded in response, taking deep breaths. He wasn't as tense, but he still wasn't showing any emotion, not the smallest flicker of a smile. Derek was worried, but there wasn't anything he could do now.

Cristina reached the altar, smiling at Burke as she did so. He finally broke and returned her small smile before going back to expressionless. Derek sent a concerned glance towards Meredith, titling his head just slightly towards Burke. Meredith's eyes flickered to the groom for a few moments, and then back to him, worry coloring her features. They stared at each other for a few seconds, both deaf to the words of the priest. And then Derek's throat went dry as Burke started shaking his head.

"It's okay, man," he whispered as quietly as he could.

Burke shook his head harder. "No," he said quietly. "No."

He had caught the attention of the priest, and of the girls.

The priest paused, turning to Burke. "Is everything okay?" He asked softly.

Burke was still shaking his head. "No." He whispered.

Cristina stepped towards him, reaching for his hand. She looked worried, and scared, and maybe a little vulnerable. "Burke," she spoke quietly.

He stopped shaking his head, looking up and meeting her eyes. They stood motionless for a few moments. Then, "I'm sorry," he said, dropping her hands. "I can't. I'm sorry. This isn't..." he trailed off before turning suddenly, and then he was gone, turning on his heel and disappearing through the door beside the altar that he and Derek had entered through.

Cristina raced after him, followed closely by Meredith. Derek hesitated before following as well, leaving Callie and Izzy alone with the priest.

"Burke!" Cristina was calling before she caught up to him. "Burke, it's okay. I'm sorry I had a momentary freak out, but it was just about the vows. That's all. I'm ready to do this. I really think I want to do this.

Derek stopped beside Meredith as the two watched in horror at the demise of their friends' relationship.

"I wish you would know," Burke told her. "I want you to know, not to think. I want you to want to be walking down that aisle.

"I do," Cristina pleaded. "I love you." She begged.

"But you don't want to, not really. If you wanted to, you would know, not think. And if I loved _you_, not who I want you to be, but _you_, then I wouldn't be making you do this. I'm sorry," and with that he was gone. Cristina stood stock still for several seconds, before her breathing hitched and she turned towards Meredith and Derek, tears just welling behind her eyes, but refusing to fall. She opened her mouth a few times, but no words formed. Meredith rushed to her side.

Derek remained still and silent as he watched Meredith comfort her best friend. He didn't know what to do in this situation. Eventually he stepped forward and spoke quietly. "Cristina, do you want me to go after him?"

She shook her head. She had still refused to let a single drop of tears leave her eyes. Meredith had wrapped an arm over Cristina's shoulder, supporting, but not quite hugging. Derek hesitated.

"I'm going to, um," he trailed off, motioning over his shoulder towards the door into the hall. Meredith nodded at him, telling him she understood and turned to lead Cristina away. He needed to go and make an announcement, and Cristina needed privacy.

Derek took a deep breath before working up to opening the door. As soon as he stepped through, all eyes were on him. George had left his seat and joined his wife at the altar, where they were conversing quietly. Izzy was addressing the guests, trying to keep them calm and quiet. He met Addison's worried gaze in the crowd. He shook his head slightly, and she understood, her expression darkening. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"Can I have your attention," he began, which was stupid, really, because all eyes were on him anyway, the hall was silent. Izzy had paused mid sentence when he had re-entered, and stood frozen, turned towards him. "It, uh, it seems the groom has left the building...so you can all go home. There isn't going to be a wedding today." He shook his head sadly. Cristina's mother was sitting in the front row, tears streaming down her face. Burke's mother looked shocked and was shaking her head. "I'm sorry." With that he shook his head, and turned towards Callie, Izzy and George, hoping everyone would just leave.

"What happened?" Izzy asked him.

He shook his head. "Burke left. He said..." He trailed off, not wanting to share the horrible conversation he had witnessed. Cristina didn't need that. "He just left, didn't want to get married."

"That's horrible!" Izzy exclaimed. "What an ass, to do that to Cristina. Is she okay? Where is she? We should go help her."

Derek shook his head. "Of course she's not okay; no one would be after that." He snapped, then took a breath, calming himself. It wasn't Izzy's fault. "Meredith's with her. I think we should leave them alone for now." He spoke lightly.

Izzy was going to protest, but George nodded. "He's right. Cristina wouldn't want a bunch of people with her right now."

Izzy glanced at him, holding the gaze just longer than she should have and nodded, looking away. "Okay, you're right." Derek didn't miss the suspicious glance Callie threw between them.

"So, what do we do now?" Callie asked, looking to him.

Derek shook his head. "I have no idea." He had never been in a situation like this before.

"Derek," Izzy was suddenly saying, nodding her head towards something unknown behind him. He turned to find Cristina's mother standing there.

He turned to face her.

"Could you...could you take me to my daughter? I know she won't want to see me... but I -I need to know she's okay. I need to know." She asked, tears still running freely down her cheeks.

Internally, Derek hesitated, knowing Cristina had thin patience for her mother, but maybe in this situation... He offered a small smile. "Of course," he answered, leading her towards the door and holding it open for her, ushering her into the quiet room behind. They were barely entering the hallway across the room when Meredith came speeding around from the other end.

"Derek, thank god. Cristina's gone. She took off. I need to follow her, but I don't have a car here. Can you drive me?" She asked quickly. "Oh, hi Mrs. Rubenstein," she sputtered when she spotted Cristina's mother behind him.

"Is Cristina alright?" She asked.

Meredith hesitated. "I...I don't know. She's Cristina..."

Mrs. Rubenstein nodded knowingly. "Please, when you find her, please tell her I'm thinking of her, that I love her. I know she won't want to see me right now."

"Of course," Meredith nodded.

"And thank-you, for being there for her," she continued. "My Cristina has always been different, every since she was very young. She's never trusted people, never gotten close to them, but she seems to trust you. I thank you for that."

Meredith nodded, tears welling in her eyes. She remained silent, seeming to not know how to respond.

"Please call me when you find her, tell me she's alright. I need to know she's alright."

Meredith nodded. "I will."

And with a sniffle, Cristina's mother turned and headed back for the wedding hall.

Derek stood still for a moment, stunned, before the sight of his trembling girlfriend broke him out of his trance. He stepped into her, wrapping her tightly in his arms and let her cry for a minute. She clutched tightly to his shirt, as she struggled to get her emotions under control.

When she pulled away her eyes were red, but her expression was determined. "I have to go after her," she whispered.

He nodded.

"Can you drive me?"

He smiled, and shook his head gently, reaching into his pocket. He reached the keys out in the palm of his hand towards her. "Her mother is right," he stated. "She only wants to hear from you right now."

Meredith nodded and closed her fingers around the keys. "Thank-you."

He squeezed her hand for a moment before letting it go. "Check in at some point tonight?"He asked. "Let me know how things are going."

She nodded. "Okay."

"Are you okay?" He questioned.

She shook her head. "I never thought... I mean I though maybe getting Cristina to actually walk down the aisle may be a challenge, but I never expected Burke to... I can't imagine what she's feeling right now."

Derek shook his head. "Me neither."

Meredith opened her mouth, as if to say something, but then thought better of it and remained silent.

"Meredith?" He gently prompted, but she shook her head. "Hey," he spoke gently, stepping forward and reaching a hand up to cup her cheek. She closed her eyes, leaning into the pressure as she reached a hand up to hold onto his hand. And they stood like this for a few seconds before she opened her eyes again. "I love you," he whispered, knowing that right now, at this instant, she needed to hear it. _It's not us. I would never do that to you._

Meredith's breathing hitched and she let go of his hand, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around his neck, holding on tightly. Derek responded by wrapping his arms around her for the second time in just a few minutes. He held her tightly, running a hand up and down her back, belaying his support. "I love you too," he heard her whisper, and then, "So much."

Derek nodded and held her tighter, momentarily forgoing the running of his hand up and down her back. He knew he didn't have to say anything, knew she knew this wasn't them, this would never be them. Knew all she needed right now was exactly what she was getting. She just needed support. And the fact that she trusted him to give it...

"I love you more," he said lightly, when her grip on him started to lighten.

She laughed through her tears, and leaned back to meet his eyes. She rolled hers. "Why does everything have to be a competition?"

Derek shrugged. "It's a surgeon thing."

She rolled her eyes again. "Well then, _I_ love _you_ more."

It was Derek's turn to roll his eyes. "We can debate this later," he muttered.

She smiled. "You just know you're going to lose."

He laughed, leaning in to place a quick, supportive kiss on his lips and pulled back smiling. "I really do love you, Meredith," he repeated.

She nodded. "I know. I'm actually starting to know." She smiled. "And I love you too." She sighed. "I need to go," she motioned over her shoulder towards the door.

He nodded. "I know."

She started to pull away. "Are you going to be okay without your car?"

He nodded. "I have my phone and my wallet. If I can't find a ride, I'll take a cab back to the hospital." He offered a smile. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

Meredith nodded. "Okay. Thank-you."

"It's what I'm here for."

And her gentle laughter was the last thing he heard as she disappeared down the hall.

_**AN: Update number four...Check! Still going strong, only three days left... **__**Thanks to everyone responding about the **__**interm**__** exam results, though I'm still not sure of the process.**__** Because they said **__**the bottom five people get booted from the program... and the fact that we know Callie was number one, I think I can assume they give a ranking. So, I think I'll maybe that? Agree? Disagree? **__**Input?**__** As always, thanks for reading.**_


	12. Hitching a ride

By the time Derek stepped back into the would-have-been wedding hall, it was all but deserted. He scowled as he hurried down the aisle, hoping there were people he recognized still in the reception hall between the doors and the parking lot. There were not. How could all of the doctors have already left? Passing quickly through the reception hall earned him curious glances from some of the guests who had hung around to talk quietly with each other. Derek shook his head. He had no idea who they were, or even whom they were related to, but some things never change, no matter the situation. People loved to gossip. People loved a scandal. It was pathetic, really.

He was still shaking his head when he pushed through the double set of doors, and out into the sunlit parking lot. Amazing how such horrible personal circumstances were juxtaposed so severely with such bright and shiny weather. Especially in Seattle.

Glancing left and right quickly, Derek failed to recognize any of the intern's cars. Having spent so much time living with them, he would recognize their vehicles. They weren't here. And come to think of it, Bailey hadn't attended the wedding, that he'd noticed at least. So she was out. And the Chief was out. He had opted to stay the hospital with his wife. Derek was running out of possibilities. He hurried through a row of cars to evaluate the second row. Still out of luck.

Derek was just stepping out of the third row of cars when he noticed a familiar, overly expensive and pampering red convertible heading down the row towards him, an equally familiar red-head behind the wheel. He sighed in relief, and waved a hand. But the car didn't slow, so he stepped out, into the path of the vehicle, trying to get Addison's attention. He was eventually successful, when she slammed on her brakes, causing him to jump out of the way, even though the car stopped before the space he had been standing. Just.

She stared at him in shock.

"You trying to kill me?" Derek asked jokingly, earning a glare from his ex-wife.

"Excuse me?" She said. "I'm pretty sure it was _you_ stepping out in front of _my_ car."

Derek shrugged. "I had to go to extreme measures. You weren't stopping."

She stared at him, hard, for a moment, before softening her expression. "Sorry, I just didn't see you till the last moment."

It was then that Derek noticed the redness in her eyes, and the slightly dark streaks running down her cheeks. "You okay?" He asked softly.

She nodded, a determined look appearing on her face.

He almost laughed at her, at her expression. Even if they hadn't been married for eleven years and he could still read her pretty well, he could have told she had been crying by the mascara lines alone. "Really? Just crying for the hell of it?"

She shook her head. "I wasn't crying, Derek."

He raised an eyebrow, and smiled before shaking his head. "You know you can't lie, right?" And he sighed and chose to take pity on her by motioning for her to look in the mirror.

There was a pause as she leaned into the middle of her car, stretching up to look into her rear-view mirror. "Damn it," he heard her mutter. He waited patiently as she pulled a Kleenex out of her purse and dabbed it across her face. When she looked back out at him she was appeared more put together, a stranger wouldn't be able to tell she had been crying. "Okay," she admitted. "You caught me." She gave him a curious stare, as if suddenly wondering why he had tracked her down in the parking lot. "Do you need something?"

Derek nodded. "I need a ride back to the hospital."

She rolled her eyes and titled her head, motioning for him to hop in.

"Thanks," Derek said as he collapsed into the passenger seat, pulling on his seat belt.

"Where's your car?"

"I gave it to Meredith. Cristina took off and Mer had to go after her."

Addison nodded in understanding. And they continued in silence for a few minutes.

"Tough day, huh?" Addison finally spoke, breaking both of them out of their trances.

Derek nodded. "Yeah... I feel horrible. I don't know what to do in this situation. Meredith went after Cristina, but should I be looking for Burke?"

Addison remained silent for a moment, contemplating his words. "I don't think so, Derek," she finally said. "I think he needs to think right now. If he needs someone, he'll find them himself. He's the one who left, not the one who got left."

Derek nodded. "I think you're right."

Addison smiled for the first time during their car ride. "Derek, don't you remember? I'm always right."

Derek snorted and rolled his eyes. "Oh, you so aren't."

"I was too! When was I ever wrong about anything?"

"The hideous living room set." Derek stated, no need to think.

She rolled her eyes. "That was one time, one little mistake."

"Little mistake? It was hideous, and uncomfortable, and to be perfectly honest a little creepy. And you demanded that we have it. I didn't like it, but you needed it."

"It looked nice in the catalogue." Addison tried, but it was a weak attempt.

He laughed. "Whatever, you were wrong."

And then they were in silence again, both contemplating the event they had just witnessed. Addison steered the car easily off the highway and started heading toward the hospital. Derek glanced at her worried expression.

"Are you okay?" He repeated his question from earlier.

She sighed and nodded. "I'll be fine. It just makes me sad. I really thought those two would make it. Burke told me his vows yesterday, and he seemed so...sure. I don't know. I guess it's just been a really hard week. Did I tell you Naomi and Sam got divorced?"

Derek nodded. "I think you mentioned it. That's too bad. They seemed really tight."

"Yeah, they really did."

"What made you go out there?"

Addison's demeanour changed abruptly, and Derek knew he had hit a nerve.

"No reason," she said quickly, but there was something in her tone. "I just wanted to see them. I missed Naomi. And you should see them down there, Derek. They have this huge office, where they do co-op medicine. They have psychiatrists on staff and a paediatrician, oh, and an alternative medicine guy."

Derek raised an eyebrow. "Sounds chaotic."

She laughed. "Oh, it was, but it was also..." She trailed off.

"What?" He questioned.

She shrugged and seemed to contemplate things for a few seconds. She glanced quickly at him, before resuming her gaze on the road. She sighed. "They have an opening for an OB," she finally stated.

Derek was taken aback. "What?"

"They have an opening," she repeated. "And they offered me the job."

"Are you going?"

She sighed and used the job of navigating the hospital parking lot as an excuse for not answering. It wasn't until they were safely in her parking space, car in park and engine off before she spoke again. "Maybe. I'm thinking about it. Definitely thinking about it. I think it would be good for me. I could get a fresh start."

Derek nodded. "Fresh starts are good."

She glanced at him and smiled. "They are. And I know that because of what I see in you, Derek. You're a different person here. A happier person, more relaxed, more settled. You've found yourself, and now I need to go and find myself."

"So, you're not just thinking about it anymore, you've made a decision." He stated.

She shrugged. "Maybe I have, but I just haven't admitted it to myself yet."

"Well, that's good, I think," Derek told her. "I'll miss you."

She rolled her eyes. "No you won't, but that's a good thing. Fresh start."

He nodded. "Okay." He hesitated. "Addison, what else happened in L.A.?"

She shook her head. "Nothing important." And then she was getting out of the car, effectively ending the conversation.

Derek sighed as he unhooked his seatbelt and opened the door. There was obviously something going on with Addison, but he had too much else going on right now to dwell on it.

He distinctly noticed Addison walking one step ahead of him toward the hospital doors, as if ensuring he could not re-start the conversation.

"I just have to check on some patients," Addison told him as they walked through the front doors together. "I'll be about an hour. Do you need a ride home?"

Derek shook his head. "Thanks, Addy, but I'll be fine. I can catch a ride home later. I'm sure Izzy or Alex will be in tonight."

Addison hesitated, as if surprised to hear that _home_ for him was now associated with Izzy and Alex. Then she pursed her lips and nodded. "Okay. Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

Derek nodded. "Thanks for the ride."

000

"Derek!"

He turned his attention away from the OR board at the sound of his name. The chief was heading down the hall towards him.

"Chief." He nodded a greeting.

"What are you doing here? Did you get paged?"

Derek shook his head. "The opposite actually. I'm looking for a case, but there's nothing," he glared at the board. "Absolutely nothing."

Richard shook his head. "Why aren't you at the wedding?"

Derek sighed. "You haven't heard..." He trailed off.

"Heard what?" Richard asked immediately. "Derek." He prompted to the younger surgeon's silence.

Derek took a breath. "There was no wedding."

Richard sighed and shook his head. "Did Yang...?"

He shook his head. "Burke, actually. Said he couldn't go through with it. Left Cristina at the altar." He shook his head. "Bastard," he muttered.

"Preston took off?" Richard exclaimed. "I don't believe it."

"Well, believe it."

They spent a minute in quiet contemplation.

"How's Adele?" Derek finally asked, trying to move the subject onwards.

"Doing better. It'll take time for her to- us, it'll take time for us to get over losing the baby," Richard corrected. "But we're going to do it together."

"You're getting back together?" Derek said, more a statement than a question.

An uncharacteristic smile spread across the chief's face. "We are."

"Good." Derek nodded. "Good, glad to hear it."

"It is good." He paused and stared at Derek, a pensive expression, as if evaluating the younger man. "How's Meredith doing?"

"She's fine," Derek nodded.

"Has she spoken to Thatcher since...?"

Derek shook his head. "No. No, not really. We went to the funeral. Thatcher wasn't happy."

Richard shook his head. "Is she okay?" He asked again, as if needed more assurance.

Derek was aware that Richard felt certain protectiveness over Meredith, but he also knew Meredith was uncomfortable with this. He sighed. "Not completely," he said honestly. "But that's to be expected with everything."

"Everything that's happened this month you mean?"

Derek hesitated. "Yes, of course, this month," he said quickly. "It's been hard this month." He sighed. "But it's going to be okay. We're working through things. She's alive, she's dealing with losing her mother, we said goodbye to Susan, and she passed her exam. She's going to be okay. We're going to be okay." He repeated, almost as if trying to convince himself.

The chief tilted his head. "Are _you_ okay, Derek?"

Derek immediately nodded. "Of course."

"Okay, it just seems like you're trying to convince yourself."

"It's nothing big," Derek corrected. "Just stressed. It's been a rough week, that's all. Just a rough week. And now the wedding disaster... It's just stress."

"Okay, then go home, Derek. Go take the rest of the day. Go relax."

"No, I can't," Derek said.

"You just said there were no cases. Take the opportunity. Go de-stress."

"I'll find something. I need to be busy."

"Don't do this to yourself, Derek. You'll turn into me. Why don't you go spend time with Meredith."

"She's with Cristina."

"Of course. Well, I don't know what to tell you, Derek. You seem..."

"I'm fine," Derek cut him off. "Go," he said. "Go be with Adele. I'm fine, really." He plastered a smile on his face, trying to convince the chief, even if he knew he couldn't convince himself. And with that, he nodded to Richard and headed down the hall, on track to the ER. He needed something to do, something to occupy his mind.

_**AN: So, I almost lost the challenge, because my internet sucks and I almost couldn't get online today. **__**lol**__**. But, in the end, I prevailed, and here is update number 5 of this week. Seriously, it took me like 6 hours to get on. **__**Anyway, so obviously a shorter chapter, more Derek centric.**__** I know some of you are getting frustrated with the time it's taking to get to his problems, but I'm just sort of letting the story work itself out... and this is where it's taking me. Thanks for reading.**_


	13. Welcome home

"That'll be seventeen eighty," the cab driver said, pulling Derek from his thoughts. He was surprised to look out the window and find himself in Meredith's driveway. He hadn't even noticed. He pulled out his wallet and handed the driver a twenty, muttering for him to keep the change. Opening the door, he stepped out of the cab and made his way up to the front door. After stalking potential cases in the ER for over an hour, he managed to take a simple craniotomy off a resident. By the time he had finished the surgery there had been absolutely nothing to keep him at the hospital. There were no patients. He had been unable to find Izzy or Alex, and was stuck cabbing it home.

His key turned easily in the lock as he let himself in, making to go straight up the stairs, but heard a noise in the kitchen. He made a slight detour, bypassing the stairs and pushing open the door. He was greeted with the not-so-unfamiliar sight of Izzy hard at work in the kitchen, the counter tops already piled high with a variety of baked goods. In the relatively short time he had spent residing in the busy home, he had experienced this phenomenon many times.

"Dr. Shepherd!" She exclaimed as she jumped at his presence. "You scared me."

"Sorry," he shrugged. "I just got home from the hospital. Heard a noise..." He trailed off, hoping that was explanation enough.

Izzy smiled. "I'm baking," she stated.

It was Derek's turn to smile. "I noticed." He hesitated, not able to fully discern the boundaries of his place in this home. "Everything okay?" He asked lightly.

She shrugged. "I'm just off. I'm working through some things."

Derek nodded. "I know the feeling. It hasn't been easy lately, on anyone."

Izzy nodded her agreement and they both sighed.

"Did you want a muffin? Or a cupcake maybe? And if you want to wait, I have a cake in the oven. It should be ready in ten minutes."

Derek laughed. "No thanks. I'm not all that hungry."

"Okay, now it's my turn. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Izzy smiled. "See, now that's Meredith rubbing off on you. You're obviously not fine."

He nodded his agreement, unable to hide his smile at Izzy's conclusion that he was starting to absorb one of his girlfriend's traits, regardless of which one it was. "I'm just tired. It's been a tough week."

She nodded. "Okay."

He motioned to the door of the kitchen. "So, I'm going to go get some sleep."

"Meredith's not here," Izzy added as he turned to leave.

Derek turned back at the door. "I know. She called while I was in surgery, left a message. She's with Cristina, at her apartment. Burke, uh, Burke was gone before Cristina even got there. Took his stuff and disappeared."

"Oh, my God," Izzy muttered. "Poor Cristina."

Derek nodded his agreement.

Then Izzy turned a questioning gaze to him. "So you knew she wasn't going to be here, but you came anyway?"

Derek nodded, suddenly unsure of himself and his very presence in the house. He never really knew where he sat with the interns; Meredith's friends, her family. "Uh, yeah, I did, but I can go if you're uncomfortable..."

But Izzy was shaking her head. "No, don't go. I didn't mean it that way at all. I guess I just hadn't realized we'd officially gotten a new roommate." She was smiling.

Derek hesitated. He hadn't had this conversation with Meredith yet, and here he was having it with Izzy. "Oh, well, we really haven't made anything official." He stuttered. "Plus, I couldn't go to the trailer, cause Mer has my car." He offered as an excuse, but it didn't matter. Izzy was still smiling that smile at him.

"Sure," she said, and he thought she was going to let it go as he bid a quick goodnight and made for the door. "Dr. Shepherd," she called to him, and he paused, palm resting against the door.

He turned his head, leaving his hand resting against the cool wood of the door, his escape route. "Yeah?"

She smiled at him. "Welcome home."

He sucked in a breath as the words, and subsequent meanings behind them, entered his brain. His throat dried and he didn't even bother attempting to form words. He simply nodded to Izzy and pushed through the door, quickly making his way up the stairs and into the familiar room down the hall.

It wasn't until he stood alone in the room, safely on his own side of the door before he registered the unfamiliar prickling sensation behind his eyes. Blinking furiously, he swallowed hard, determined not to allow his emotions to get the better of him. Everything was okay, he kept reminding himself. Everything was okay. And it would keep being okay.

Having effectively fought off the actual downfall of tears, he made his way into the bathroom, stopping to stare at his reflection through watery eyes, causing a slightly distorted visual of himself. He scoffed at the reflection. Right now, he looked how he felt. Fuzzy, numb and not quite himself. If he was completely honest, he'd add in some other adjectives, but he wouldn't let his mind go that far. Right now fuzzy and numb were good. He could cope with fuzzy and numb.

Sighing, he went and brushed his teeth, vaguely wondering how long his and Meredith's toothbrushes had shared a cup. It was a nice cup too. He liked it. It was simple, blue, ceramic. Probably bought on a whim. Probably not worth much. But he liked it. Because it was simple, and blue and matched her toothbrush. It was nothing like the bathroom set he had used in New York. The overly expensive pink set Addison had ordered from a catalogue that were porcelain and breakable. This was nice; blue and mismatching with the soap tray and ceramic. And yes, it would probably break if it were to be knocked off the shelf, but that would be okay. It would be cleaned up and anther cheap cup would be purchased as its replacement. But he hoped the cup wouldn't be broken, because it was cheap and blue and mismatching, and he liked it. He wondered why he hadn't noticed before.

And then there was the toothpaste thing. He had been very particular his whole life. He liked certain things the way he liked them. He didn't always like change. He had been using the same brand of toothpaste, the same flavour, since he was fourteen. Up until the last few months, that was. Now he used whatever was in the bathroom, without blinking an eye. When had that happened? Why hadn't he noticed? As he read the name on the label of the tube, he shook his head, knowing he would have balked at the brand if it had ever appeared in his bathroom in New York.

He spit out the remaining toothpaste and rinsed his mouth, wiping his damp face on the towel hanging beside the sink. A single towel; which was meant for actually using to dry oneself. Not some fancy, expensive decorative towel that he wasn't allowed to touch. He smiled. How life had changed.

After relieving himself at the toilet, he re-entered the bedroom, stripping down to his boxers and pulling an old tee shirt out of one of the drawers. It was rumpled, having been barely folded and shoved unceremoniously into the drawer by either one of them following the last load of laundry. It hadn't been ironed and folded and placed into its correct, assigned position in a large vanity closet by a maid. It was tee shirt for crying out loud. It was rumpled and came out of a drawer with other tees, pants and for some odd reason, a scarf and mitts. And he loved it.

He donned the tee, and crawled under the covers, sighing as he let his weight rest down on the mattress for a few moments, barely moving. Then he rolled over, facing Meredith's side of the bed and pulled her pillow into his chest, wrapping his arms around it, hugging it to himself tightly. It was only then, in the protective darkness of the room that he allowed himself to give in to the stinging behind his eyes, to give in to the hopelessness he felt, the fear and dread that filled his mind. He drew a deep breath, hugging the pillow even closer. Everything was okay.

Everything is okay.

Everything will be okay.

He closed his eyes tightly, revelling in her scent on the pillow. Revelling in all the memories surrounding him in this room. The room that may just be the first place he'd ever really felt at home. He loved every nuance, every dent in the wall, every item of clothing mixed with another. He felt like himself here, like he could be himself without worrying. He felt like he actually had a life, a real life. One that he could hold onto. Everything was okay.

Everything will be okay.

Everything will be okay.

Everything will be okay.


	14. Late nights

Meredith glanced over at her silent best friend, slumped over in the passenger seat; forehead leaned up against the glass. Cristina hadn't said much after she'd awoken from her fretful sleep and demanded they vacate the apartment. So they had quickly and efficiently packed up Cristina's most important belongings and shoved them into Derek's car, which they were now driving back to Meredith's house. Well, Meredith was driving, Cristina was... drifting. She hadn't said a word since she had closed the car door and jammed on her seatbelt. Meredith got it; at least she hoped she did. It was some sort of closure thing that Cristina was doing so silently. Leaving the apartment. Moving out. It was a closure thing. It had to be. She could only hope it was a good thing.

She sighed, glancing tiredly at the clock. It was well after midnight. She had gotten about an hour of sleep on Cristina's couch before Cristina had jolted her awake. It wasn't near enough, even for her intern adapted body. Not when she had been burning the candle at both ends trying to study for the exam, deal with Susan's death and then throw a party the night before. She was exhausted.

She wondered what had happened to Derek. She had called him, but had gotten his voice mail. She assumed he was in surgery, and wondered if he was still at the hospital. Her phone had been turned off all evening, not wanting to be distracted. Cristina deserved her utmost attention right now. But still...she could really do with hearing his voice right now. She almost smiled at the thought, and settled for a content sigh.

Remaining silent, Meredith easily navigated the streets toward her house, pullied into the driveway and shut off the engine. Before she could speak, Cristina was up and out of the car, already opening the back door to pull out her overnight bag. Meredith followed as quickly as she could.

"You mind if we leave everything else till tomorrow? I'm too tired to unload tonight." Cristina said more than asked. Meredith was still stepping out of the car.

Meredith nodded. "I'm sure its okay. Derek's probably stuck at the hospital anyway. He won't care if his car is full."

Cristina seemed to jolt a bit, as if just noticing she had not been in Meredith's jeep, and that the vehicle before them was, in fact, Derek's car. "Good," she finally said. And with that she was striding up to the front door.

Meredith hurried after her best friend, quickly opening the door and ushering the two of them inside. It was dark in the front hall and the whole house smelled of baked goods. She sighed, hoping Izzy was reacting to the stress of the non-wedding and not something else. If something else was going on, then she felt guilty, because she hadn't noticed.

Meredith pushed past Cristina, just meaning to stick her head in the door to check on her roommate, but was surprised when Cristina pushed her through the door.

"Hey!" Izzy exclaimed. "You guys are here. Awesome. You want some muffins? Or cupcakes? Or maybe some cake, I made two; different flavours. I'm trying out some new recipes."

"Calm down, Martha Stewart," Cristina said. "Who're you trying to impress." But she made her way to the counter anyway, picking out a cupcake with yellow frosting.

"Izzy, what are you doing up so late?" Meredith questioned.

Izzy shrugged, avoiding the question. "Just feel like baking."

"You know, Izzy, you should stay up all the time baking, like all baking and no sleeping. You could make a living at it. Cause these are good cupcakes," Cristina was already starting on her second, this time she chose one with purple frosting.

"Are you okay?" Izzy asked after a stretch of silence in the kitchen, the only noise being Cristina's hurried chewing.

Cristina nodded. "Yes, Izzy, I'm fine, and no, I don't want to talk about it. But I will take you up on a piece if cake."

"Oh, okay." There was a stretch of excitement in Izzy's voice. "You can try my new recipe. I think its better, but I can't be sure. And no one else was here, except Derek, and he didn't want any." She pulled out a large knife and expertly cut out a piece of cake.

"Derek was here?" Meredith questioned, watching Izzy expertly scoop the cake onto a plate without it losing any of its form. She almost shook her head. Her roommate had such an array of unusual and unrelated talents.

Izzy easily passed the plate across the counter to Cristina with one hand, while reaching for a fork with the other. She nodded. "Uh huh. Still here actually. Got home a couple hours ago. Said he was going to bed." She dropped the fork down on Cristina's plate. Then she smiled, turning her attention to her roommate. "And Mer, if he's going to live here, I mean really live here, you have to get him off the health kick. It's not good for my ego. I don't think he's ever tried my baking."

Meredith was slightly stunned, but chose to ignore most of the words that had come spewing out of Izzy's mouth. "So, he's here? Now?" She asked, her thoughts on other things. She hadn't even realized...

Izzy nodded.

"Okay," Meredith said, happy at the knowledge that she was simply in the same building as him. Although she was struck by the sudden compulsion to run upstairs, just to see him. That's all she needed right now. She just needed to see him.

"It's okay, Meredith," Cristina was saying between bites of cake. "You can sleep with McDreamy. I can crash on the couch."

Meredith shook her head. "No, you won't. I can't let you sleep on the couch." And she wouldn't, not tonight. She would not let her best friend sleep on a couch the night she was supposed to be in a fancy hotel, in a super pricey honeymoon suite. "I'm sure there's something..." She thought quickly. She could drag Derek out of bed. They could share the couch again. She smiled a little at the thought. Two fully grown adults sharing a small couch for the night hadn't been the most comfortable, but it had been nice. Especially when she had awoke in the early hours of the morning, his arms wrapped just as tight around her as it had when they had fallen asleep hours earlier. She had only been aware for a few short moments, but when she had shifted slightly before falling back to sleep, he had unconsciously shifted behind her, tightening his grip. And she had fallen back into the depths of sleep feeling loved, a smile playing on her face.

"Oh!" Izzy suddenly piped up, pulling Meredith from her thoughts. "You can have Alex's room. He's not here."

"See? Problem solved." Cristina muttered through a mouthful of cake.

"Oh-kay," Meredith sighed as she tumbled into the counter seat beside Cristina. She yawned and picked at a muffin. Even in her exhausted state, she had to admit the muffin was good. How could Izzy be so good with patients _and_ with baking? It seemed implausible to her. Give her a scalpel any day, just leave the measuring cup behind.

"Good muffin, Iz," she nodded to her roommate.

Izzy smiled happily. "Do you want a piece of cake too?" She picked up the knife again, hopeful. She really did like sharing her food. And she really did make a lot when she was on one of her binges. Before George had moved out, he and Meredith had made jokes about Izzy's future children; Izzy's future, very fat children.

Meredith shook her head. "No thanks, maybe tomorrow." She yawned.

"Why don't you go to bed?" Cristina asked, now half way through her cake slice.

Meredith shook her head. "No, I'm alright." She didn't want to leave her best friend alone.

Cristina paused, fork on the way to her mouth, and stared a Meredith, considering her for a few seconds. Then she rolled her eyes. "Go to bed, Mer," she demanded. "You're obviously exhausted."

Meredith shook her head again. "I'm fine, Cristina."

Now Cristina was glaring at her. "I don't need a babysitter, Meredith."

"That's not what I'm-"

"Oh, don't lie to me. I know exactly what you're doing. Poor Cristina!" She exclaimed. "Burke left her at the altar, and now she can't be left alone. Now she needs a babysitter." Cristina had dropped the fork back onto her plate, still glaring at Meredith. Izzy had backed away from the counter, not wanting to be a part of the argument.

"Cristina..." Meredith began, not sure what to say. Other than breaking down and crying when Meredith had shown up at the apartment, Cristina had yet to have any sort of outburst.

"No, don't Cristina me, Meredith." She continued. "Today was a crappy day, probably the crappiest day of my life, or at least a close second. But I'll be fine. I don't need a babysitter. I'll be okay." She glowered at Meredith.

Meredith hesitated before responding. "Hey, you're my best friend. I'm allowed to be worried." She spoke, meeting Cristina's eyes evenly as she stared back.

They stood, stock still for several seconds, staring each other in the eye. It was almost reminiscent of staring contests from grade school. Then Cristina snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Whatever," she muttered, going back to her cake.

Meredith smiled, the tension noticeably dissipating from the room. Izzy cautiously re-approached the counter. Meredith grabbed herself a cupcake. It had blue icing.

"Good cupcakes, Iz," she echoed her own earlier praises of the muffins as she peeled the wrapper off half of the cupcake and took a large bite.

"Thanks, but I know." And the rest of the tension was gone as they all laughed.

Meredith yawned again.

Cristina rolled her eyes again. "Seriously, Mer, go to bed. I'll be fine. The iron chef here is obviously not going to bed any time soon. I'll have company" she said. "And as many baked goods as I can eat." She added. "Carbohydrates make good therapy."

Meredith hesitated, barely succeeding in suppressing another yawn. "Are you sure?" She finally asked.

Cristina nodded emphatically.

"Okay, then I guess I'll go to bed. If you need anything, just come and get me."

Cristina scoffed and rolled her eyes again. "Yeah, I'll just come and pry you out of McDreamy's arms."

Meredith sighed. "Cristina."

"Hey, I don't need to walk in on anything. I've seen enough of the two of you."

Meredith felt her cheeks redden, but tried to make light of it. "It's not my fault you come over at all hours and don't knock."

Cristina scoffed. "Whatever," she muttered.

Meredith smiled. "So," she prompted.

"Fine, I'll come and get you if I need you. But don't expect me to need you. I'll be fine." Cristina had forgone the eye rolling and was back to digging in to her cake. She'd already motioned Izzy for a second slice.

"Okay," she agreed. "Goodnight." She nodded at both Cristina and Izzy as she stepped away from the counter, still piled high with muffins and cupcakes. She made a quick, pointed look at Izzy, silently telling her to come and get her if Cristina needed her, but was too stubborn.

"Nghhht," Cristina muttered through a mouthful of cake.

"Good night, Meredith," Izzy called, nodding her head in acknowledgment of Meredith's request. She smiled, already mixing a new batch of something that would become a delicious baked good.

Meredith sighed as she made her way up the stairs. There was definitely something going on with Izzy. But that would have to wait until another day.

She pushed open her bedroom door, a smile pushing through the tiredness evident on her features. Derek was sprawled out on his side, right in the middle of the bed, her pillow clutched tightly in his arms and his legs splayed. He didn't wake as she shut the door behind her. He also didn't wake as she quickly made her way through the bathroom, brushing her teeth and readying for bed.

Derek still hadn't stirred when she stumbled out of the bathroom, stripping down to her underwear, and wandering over to the dresser to pull out some pyjamas. She reached out for the handle of the second drawer, but paused before moving her hand down a drawer and pulling out a tee shirt, much larger than any in her wardrobe. She donned the tee and smiled at the feeling of the thin, soft material. There were definite pluses to having him around.

She turned to smile at him, and it was only then that she realized he still hadn't moved. He was usually such a light sleeper, waking to small sounds and movements. She eased herself onto the bed, tilting her head as she smiled at his still expression. Something was definitely going on in his world. Even in sleep, his expression wasn't fully peaceful. She sighed, reaching back in her mind, trying to bring forth a memory that would explain his behaviour. He had been so supportive all week, and only started acting funny after the tension was over, after she had passed her exam. So, he had put his own suffering on the back burner... for her? Had she been so distracted by her own life that she hadn't even noticed his pain? She swallowed hard, trying to rid herself of the lump taking up residence in the back of her throat. She had let him down.

The thought brought tears to her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, tenderly brushing a stray hair out of his face. He stirred, but didn't wake. "I love you, Derek. And I'm here for you, too." With that, she gently pried her pillow out of his arms, and quickly replaced it with her own body. He immediately tightened his arms around her, pulling in close before resettling, his breathing returning to normal.

Even in her exhausted state, she remained awake for several minutes, just listening to him breathe behind her. She wasn't a very lucky person. She hadn't had an easy life. And she really hadn't had an easy week. But right now, at this moment, with his strong arms around her, she was thankful. She was thankful for everything, because it had led her to this point in life. She had started out the year with one parent, and somehow had lost three. She had almost died twice. She had been there when her friends had lost loved ones. And her best friend was in pain, having gone through a horror Meredith could barely imagine. But right now she couldn't stop the small wave of happiness sweep over her as she lay there in his arms. Because she had him. She breathed deeply, closing her eyes and slowly drifted to sleep.


	15. Small talk

His mind was fuzzy as it fought to stay in the recess of sleep, and it took all the cognitive ability he could muster in his mostly unconscious state for Derek to wonder why he was waking. Eyes still shut tightly, he tried to close off his mind, struggled to return to the unthinking recess of sleep. He was just about to drift back off into blissful oblivion when the answer came to him. At first he was confused by the dull static noise coming from an indiscernible direction, but he soon came to the realization that the noise was coming from the alarm clock. It must have been bumped off its set radio station and was caught trying to produce signal from a point between two radio waves.

He groaned and pulled closer to Meredith, burying his face in the back of her hair, hoping the noise, and attached connotation, would just go away. He tightened his already shut eyes, as if pretending he didn't need to get up made it true. The annoyance continued. Derek sighed. He was so tired. He just wasn't sleeping well these days. The noise was still there, and he knew he had to bite the bullet and get up.

It was then that he realized Meredith was wrapped tightly in his arms, the warmth from her body heating his. He frowned, trying to remember her coming home the night before. He couldn't. He took a deep breath and pulled away from her, lifting himself up on an arm and reaching across his still slumbering girlfriend to turn off the alarm. She didn't stir. He smiled.

Settling back down, he re-wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulling her closer, manoeuvring her so she was more on her back. He wiggled as close as he could possibly get, resting his head up, above her shoulder, his face nestled in against her cheek. His arms were still wrapped possessively around her small frame, and his legs were now threaded through hers.

"Mer," he whispered to no response. "Meredith." A little louder. "Time to get up." Even louder. She groaned and shook her head. He smiled and placed a kiss on her cheek. "Morning."

"Whhhatimeissssit?" She mumbled.

"Almost seven," he told her, knowing she had a shift at eight. The successful interns were being given two weeks off to recover from their year before they would be expected to take on their own batch of interns. And Meredith had just one shift left before her time off.

"I d'wanna go t'work," she muttered, turning her head into his, and pulling closer, her right hand finding one of his. "Stay here. Sleep."

He smiled. She could be so cute in the morning. "You have to go to work, Mer."

"Why?" Her eyes were still closed.

He smirked. "You can't miss your first day as a full-fledged resident, can you?"

This brought a smile to her face, and when she opened her eyes they were sparkling.

"There you go," Derek said.

She turned in his arms, her smile now directed at him. "Morning," she told him, finally returning the greeting. She leaned in, and their lips met for several seconds. When they pulled back, she sighed and let her head rest on the pillow, just inches from his. His slipped his fingers through hers.

"Yes, and speaking of mornings, when did you get home?"

"Late," was her answer. "You were out for the count. Didn't even flinch the whole time I got ready for bed."

He shrugged as best her could in the position. "I guess I was tired. I haven't been sleeping great."

"Everything okay?" She was concerned.

He nodded. "Fine, just a stressful week. Haven't gotten much sleep."

Her look darkened slightly. "Are you sure that's it?"

Derek hesitated before nodding. "Yeah, why?"

Now it was her turn to attempt the awkward shrug. "I don't know, Derek. You just seem off. Something more then stress. You didn't even move last night," she repeated. "And ever since my exam, you've been..." she trailed off, trying to come up with the right word.

"Meredith, I'm fine," he repeated.

She rolled her eyes. "You sound like me," she muttered. And she sat up, prompting him to do the same. She turned and sat cross-legged facing him, while he sat leaning against the headboard, legs stretched out in front of him.

Meredith sat as close as she could, and reached out to take his hands in hers, squeezing them tight. "I know something is going on, Derek. I can feel it." She paused, allowing her words to take effect. "And I know that historically, you and me, we're not so good at the talking thing. But I thought we were changing that."

He leaned forward, closing his grip on her smaller hands. "Meredith, it's nothing, really. Just stress. Don't worry."

But she was glaring at him. "Derek," she warned. "This week sucked, in a lot of ways. And you were amazing. You are the only reason I made it through this week. You were completely there for me. Now it's my turn. Tell me what's wrong." She demanded.

He swallowed, knowing he was caught, but not wanting to discuss the matter. Not now. Not like this. "I'm just so relieved the week is over," he said. "I'm so glad you passed your test." It wasn't a lie. It was definitely what he was feeling.

She shook her head. "No, it's something more than that. You were amazing before the test. You calmed me down, got me ready, then after you were... off. I've never seen you look so uncomfortable in surgery. Then you wouldn't let me thank you, in fact you actually denied having helped me. And you've been tired, and... weird, for two days now. And every time you don't think I'm looking, you've got this depressing look on your face. Something is wrong."

Derek opened his mouth to respond, but no words came to mind. He hadn't realized his behaviour had been so obvious. Either that, or he hadn't realized how well she could read him...and by the expression on her face, he was leaning towards the latter.

She was continuing. "And you got drunk!" She exclaimed. "With Mark, of all people. Derek, the last time I saw you drunk was..." she trailed off for a moment, thinking. "Well, it was almost a year ago. And the last time I saw you do anything voluntary with Mark, was never!"

"Mer, you're ranting," he said lightly, trying The Smile.

"Oh, don't try the McDreamy look, Derek. It's not getting you off the hook this time. Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" Her voice cracked, just a bit, unmasking her sudden vulnerability. She was worried something serious was wrong, and she didn't need that.

A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed, hard. He broke eye contact for a few seconds, and when he met hers eyes again, there were tears in his.

Meredith felt her eyes well in response to seeing him in such pain. "Tell me," she gently prompted.

He took a breath. "I'm so glad you passed," he whispered, repeating his earlier words. When she looked like she was going to interrupt, he shook his head, effectively silencing her. "I'm so glad you passed, because if you hadn't, it would have been my fault." He managed to utter the horrible thought, but looked away, not able to look into her sympathetic eyes as he said it.

She gasped. "What? Derek, no. You're the only reason I got though the exam. Life has pretty much sucked lately. But you were there. Everything's fine. How could you think any of this is your fault?"

He seemed to come to a decision and looked her square in the eye. "How could you not?" He asked. "I've made this year a living hell for you. One week shouldn't count for anything. If you had failed, it would have been my fault. You're talented, and you're amazing, and I almost destroyed that."

Tears had yet to escape the deep recess of his eyes, but they were streaming steadily down her cheeks. "Derek," she whispered. "This year has been a living hell," she agreed. "But it hasn't all been bad." She squeezed his hand and offered him a small smile. "You were responsible for a very small amount of the bad stuff, in comparison. And you were responsible for a big chunk of the good stuff."

But Derek was shaking his head. "I chased you, even when you told me not to. Then I lied to you. Then I didn't pick you. I left you for months, but wouldn't let you move on. Then I asked you to pick me, and when you did, I needed space..."

She cut in. "That was months ago. I don't care what lead us to here, Derek. I only care that we're here now. You're here. And I love you. And that's all that matters. You had nothing to do with any of the recent crappy stuff."

"I pushed you," he stated.

"What?"

"I pushed you to get closer to them. To Thatcher and Susan."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "You didn't push me. You weren't even there. You supported me. You came to dinner. You moderated when Susan brought groceries. You supported me." She repeated. Her tone softened. "And not knowing them wouldn't have stopped Susan from dying."

"No," he agreed. "But, maybe, you're father wouldn't have..." It had been a week, and he still couldn't say it.

Meredith shook her head. "I don't have any less of a relationship with my father than I did a year ago. And still, none of the recent stuff has anything to do with you. Why would you think that?"

He hesitated, still meeting her eyes, but not portraying anything useful. He looked full of pain and uncertainty. He sighed. "I love you so much, Meredith. And I just..." He trailed off.

"I love you too," she prompted, "so much."

He closed his eyes for several seconds, still holding tightly to her hands. She squeezed his fingers, reminding him of the lifeline she represented. When he re-opened his eyes, they were filled with more doubt and pain than she had even seen. She had never seen him so vulnerable before. "I hurt you," he whispered, as if saying it louder made it more real. "I never realized how much until recently. I was in so much pain, that I didn't realize how much you were suffering, or for how long. I'm so sorry."

"I know you're sorry, Derek, but stop stressing about it. It's water under the thing, or whatever..."

"It's not to me." He told her. "Looking back, I can't believe how stupid I was, or how blind I was. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you. If you had failed that test, I don't know what I would have done. I wouldn't have been able to look you in the eye. You deserve so much better than me."

Meredith chortled before she could stop herself, and at his confused expression she said, "sorry, Derek. I'm sorry." She swallowed, preventing any more laughter. "It's just, I'm usually the one who thinks I don't deserve you." She smiled, just slightly, and moved her hands, so that their combined four sets of digits were mixed together between them, creating one heap of indiscernible fingers. "Look, I haven't lived the best life. A lot of crappy things have happened to me. I haven't always been the best person. And I've been pretty much alone for my whole life. But the past year... even with all the crappy, not so bright and shinny stuff, I wouldn't take any of it back. For the first time in my life, I have people who care about me. I have a family to go to, that doesn't have anything to do with blood. I have a job that I feel confident in. And I fell in love with an amazing man." She smiled fully now. "And you have played a huge part in most of that, especially the last part."

"I still hurt you so much."

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter anymore. You've more than made up for it. I'm happy, Derek."

He opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by a shrill beeping cutting through the aura of the room.

"Damnit!" Meredith exclaimed, dropping his hand and reaching for the beepers sitting on the table beside the bed. "It's yours," she passed him the now-silent beeper.

He took it and held it up, squinting to read the writing travelling across the small window. He sighed. "I have to go in."

"Nine-one-one?"

He shook his head. "No, not yet anyway. Big accident of some sort. They'll need me soon." He swung his legs over the side of the bed and got up, still staring at her.

She smiled at him.

"I'm glad you're happy, Meredith."

She nodded. "Me too."

He turned to head into the bathroom, but she called his name and he turned to face her, standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Derek, you may have been saved by the beep, but I do plan on finishing this conversation tonight." She knew they had more to discuss. There were still things he wasn't forthcoming about.

He nodded. "Okay."

"Okay," she echoed, nodding as he disappeared into the bathroom.

_**AN:**__** Okay, so I believe that the new season begins this week... maybe even today... But I'm not sure, **__**cause**__** I'm out of the country for school and Grey's is not playing here that I've been able to find, which sucks. I know that by usi**__**ng this site I will probably find out what happens, but I am going to try not to. **__**So, please refrain from telling me stuff, or correcting stuff I might write. With that said, however, I would like to ask you guys to tell me a few things from the new season, namely: where do **__**Cristina**__** and Meredith go on vacation and for how long, what happens with the chief thing, who does **__**lexie**__** get as a resident, and what's her reaction to Derek. Does Bailey get more interns, and does Callie. What happens with George/Callie/**__**Izzy**__**, and Alex/**__**Ava**____** Okay, I think that's it, and more than I thought. **__**Lol**____** Oh, and the test results... if they get more results, like a score or placement? And what happens to George and the whole failing thing... Thanks! **___


	16. When do we leave

Derek weaved his way through the occupied tables in the busy cafeteria before finding an empty table on the outskirts, away from most of the people. He dropped his tray down on the table and collapsed gratefully into the chair. Thanks to a massive pile up on the freeway, Derek had performed several surgeries, keeping him effectively too busy for a break all day. Other than a few caffeine fixes, with big thanks to the scrub nurses, he had not eaten at all.

Reaching for the bottle of water sitting on the tray, right beside the large salad, Derek unscrewed the cap and took a large gulp. And then another. And another. After downing half the bottle, he replaced the top and set it back down with a sigh. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was tired, wanting nothing more than to go home, curl up in bed with Meredith in his arms, and get some sleep. Their conversation that morning had done some good in settling his nerves and his mind. He believed her when she told him she was happy. He believed her when she said she didn't blame him. And most importantly, he believed her when she told him she loved him.

He removed his hand, opening his eyes and blinking at the onslaught of the light, trying to blink away the developing tension headache. He only had a short time for a breath and bite to eat before he would be back in surgery. He would perform at least one craniotomy this evening, maybe two. There was one patient from the crash they were keeping an eye on. He had a slow bleed, very minor. Hopefully it would clear up on its own. Derek was very hopeful. He didn't want to be here all night. He wanted to sleep. And he knew he and Meredith still had to finish their talk. And although they were still new to the 'talking thing,' as Meredith called it, he was certain she would want to continue that talk tonight. He hoped they would have a chance.

The headache was rising again, at the mere thought of explaining himself to her. This morning he had been ready to tell her everything, but now that he had a chance to mull over it, he was horrified at the thought. He shook his head, as if that would rid his mind of the negative thoughts. Glancing at his watch, he pulled his tray closer, knowing he had to eat now if he wanted the chance.

Closing his mind off to the distractions and white noise of the busy lunch room, he picked up his fork and dug in to his salad. He was halfway through it when a tray was set down in the space beside his. He was surprised, having not heard anyone approach. With a mouthful of lettuce, he glanced sideways, smiling as he immediately recognized the tired form collapsing into the chair next to him.

Meredith smiled back to him. "Hey," she spoke, exhaustion evident in her voice.

He swallowed. "Hey. Long day, huh?"

She sighed and nodded. "You can say that again."

Derek smiled. "Long day, huh?" He repeated. Earning himself a glare from his girlfriend. "What? You told me to say it again."

Meredith shook her head. "Why do I put up with you?" She laughed, shaking her head.

Derek's throat went dry and he swallowed, knowing she was joking, but unable to stop the onslaught of emotions that came from the simple joke. He didn't respond; he couldn't come up with anything to say, so he stuffed another forkful of salad into his mouth.

Meredith titled her head, just slightly. "You okay?"

He nodded, swallowing his bite. "Just tired."

Her eyes tightened, suspicious. He suddenly felt naked, as if she could see through everything, could read his every thought. He knew she knew he was lying. They remained staring at each other for several seconds, before she nodded and turned to her plate. She knew she had hit a nerve, but she was going to let it go. For now. This was hardly the time or place, especially when neither of them were done working with patients for the day.

He hesitated, glancing around for any possible source of conversation. His eyes landed on her plate and he smiled. "Healthy dinner." He commented.

She rolled her eyes, plucking a fry from her plate and plopping it in her mouth. "What's wrong with my dinner?" She challenged.

He shrugged. "Well, it is better than left over pizza and grilled-cheese."

She laughed and shook her head, swallowing another fry. "I bet it tastes better than your salad."

"I happen to like my salad, thank-you very much."

She reached over, grabbing a single lettuce leaf between two fingers. She made a face as she held it in front of her face. Scrunching her nose, she opened her mouth and started chewing, making a big show of swallowing. "Disgusting," she muttered.

He laughed aloud. "At least you're trying, that gives me hope. It may have taken a year, but we have progress." He swung an arm out and rested it lightly around her waist. "There's hope for you yet."

She snorted, but leaned in to his body. "Who says I'm the one with the problem?"

"Are you kidding me?" He questioned. "You're a doctor. You know what that stuff is doing to your blood vessels."

"My cholesterol is just fine," she countered. "And I enjoy my food."

He sighed, knowing he wasn't going to win this one. "Whatever," he muttered.

She smiled, somewhat triumphant, and her smile widened as he reached across her to grab a fry off her plate.

He plopped the fry in his mouth and made a production of chewing and swallowing, just as she had done with the lettuce. She laughed. It was music to his ears and put him at a sense of ease. He took a deep breath before pulling his arm away to finish his meal. He really needed to get his patient into surgery as soon as he could. Anything that would get him home sooner. Meredith sighed as the pressure of his arm around her lifted, but she remained close.

Shoulder to shoulder, the pair ate in comfortable silence, only broken by Meredith's light laughter every time his fingers strayed towards her plate of fries. Derek soon finished his salad, but found himself unwilling to leave the quiet atmosphere of the table. He replaced his arm around her waist, smiling to himself as she breathed and leaned back into him.

"How much do you have left tonight?" Meredith questioned.

"At least five or six hours," he answered. "I have one craniotomy left for sure, one maybe, and I need to check my post-ops."

"So, we're looking at midnight?" She asked.

He nodded. "At the earliest. You have anything left today?"

"I'm going to scrub in with Callie as soon as an OR clears up."

"So, does it feel different?" He asked.

"What?"

He smiled, proud for her. "Being a resident."

This brought a bright smile to her face. "No, not really," she laughed. "Now I answer to Callie instead of Bailey. And I still can't do anything by myself. I don't get grilled for questions as much as before... although it's been really busy today. Ask me about the questions another time."

Derek laughed. "I'll keep that in mind."

"It is nice to know, though," she continued. "You know? To just know I'm not an intern anymore."

He nodded. "Yeah, I remember." He smiled. "Congratulations, by the way. I don't think I've told you that."

He was rewarded when she smiled back at him. A large smile; unguarded. Something he wasn't used to seeing from her. Something he had barely been on the receiving end of for the last several months. "You have, actually," she answered, still smiling.

He smirked. "Oh, well then, I take it back."

She laughed, pulling away and gently shoving his shoulder. "Don't be an ass, Derek."

He was about to retort, but was cut off by a third tray slamming down onto their table.

"McDreamy being an ass again?" Cristina asked, dropping heavily into the chair beside Meredith.

Derek sighed. The mood was effectively broken.

Meredith rolled her eyes, pulling closer to Derek again. "Just a little," She said lightly. She sighed. "What's up, Cristina?"

Cristina shrugged. "I've been in surgery all day. Bailey said she wouldn't let me in on her appy until I had something to eat. So I'm eating."

Derek remained silent, not sure of what to say to comfort the younger surgeon.

"Obviously you're hungry," Meredith was saying. "Or you wouldn't have let Bailey blackmail you with an appy. Maybe something bigger, but definitely not an appy."

Cristina glared at her and the two best friends were locked in a stare war for several seconds, before Cristina snorted and broke contact. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I am hungry. But I want to get in as much as I can today, so I don't go through withdrawal."

Meredith laughed, turning in Derek's grip to face Cristina better. "Why would you go through withdrawal?"

"Because," Cristina said, reaching her hand into her lab coat pocket, and pulled out a small, rumpled folder. "You and I are going on vacation."

Derek snapped his head at Cristina's words, his grip tightening on Meredith's waist without thought.

"We're what?" Meredith demanded.

Cristina slammed the folder down in front of Meredith. It had an airline logo on it. "We are going on vacation. I have two first class tickets. Fully paid for. So we are going on an anti-honeymoon."

"An anti-honeymoon?" Meredith questioned. "Come on Cristina, seriously?"

Derek felt like he was holding his breath.

"I am serious, Meredith. Free, first class ticket to sunny paradise." Her tone was sarcastic. "We have two weeks off, why not? It will save us from getting yelled at for sneaking into the gallery and stuff."

"Cristina-"

"Please, Meredith." Cristina cut her off. "Please. I just need to," she trailed off, glancing at Derek, clearly uncomfortable. Her voice dropped to a near-whisper. "I just need to get away. Please."

Derek felt Meredith tense. He knew she was torn between him and her best friend. And Cristina needed her more than he did right now. "First class, eh? You can't say no to first class." He made his voice sound light and joking.

Meredith turned to face him, questioning, her eyes asking whether he was serious, whether he was okay with this. He smiled, and nodded, just a little, very discreetly. Her mouth tightened she nodded back, silently thanking him. She turned back to Cristina and took a breath. "When do we leave?"

"First thing tomorrow morning."

_**AN: Okay, so I totall**__**y asked in my other story, but I'**__**m asking it again. Did anyone else know that if you click on the little arrows beside the title it would take you to the most recent chapter? **__**Seriously?**__** Am I the only one who didn't know that? **__**lol**___


	17. Don't forget the kitchen sink

After a long explanation, followed by a multitude of questions for him to answer, Derek bid farewell to the family of his most recently saved patient. After his last scheduled surgery the night before had gone long, the patient they were keeping an eye on went into distress, and he was right back into surgery. The sun was now coming up, dawn just peeking through the dark, cloudy morning. He sighed heavily. He had no idea if Meredith was still at the hospital or not, having not seen her since dinner the evening before. Regardless, she and Cristina were scheduled to leave in just a few hours.

He bought himself a coffee and wandered towards the elevator, pressing the up button and leaning tiredly against the wall to wait. Just seconds later the elevator dinged and the doors opened. He pushed himself off the wall and stepped to the door, surprised to find himself face to face with Meredith and Cristina.

"Hey," Meredith spoke as her eyes landed on him. She and Cristina were dressed in street clothes.

"Hey, I thought you'd already left."

She shook her head. "Just going now, actually. Cristina needs to pick up a few things at... her old apartment, then we're going home to pack."

Derek nodded. "Okay, I should see you there soon. I just have to get changed."

"Okay," Meredith answered. "See you soon."

Cristina shook her head. "Mer, give me your keys." She demanded.

"What? Why?"

She rolled her eyes. "Lend me your car. I'll go get my stuff. You can go home with McDreamy." She spoke. "There's no reason for you to come with me."

Meredith was silent for several seconds, and Derek held his breath, expecting her to protest, but she nodded and gave Cristina her keys. "Okay, thanks. I'll see you soon." And she stepped onto the elevator beside Derek. The door closed and they were away, alone for the first time since Cristina had interrupted their meal with her vacation plans.

She turned to face him. "Derek, I'm sorry. This is horrible timing, but..."

He nodded. "Cristina needs you," he stated. "Don't be sorry, you're being there for your friend."

"But we're just starting to talk and stuff. I don't want to ruin it."

He smiled. "You won't ruin anything. We have stuff to work through, but nothing that can't wait two weeks."

She sighed. "I just hate leaving when I know you're in pain."

His breathing hitched, just a bit. And his heart felt like it was in a vice grip. However, before he could respond, the elevator stopped and the car doors opened. He took a large gulp of coffee as he stepped out onto the floor, welcoming the scolding liquid as it flowed down his throat. He was so tired. Meredith followed him to attending locker room.

He stopped at the door, turning to face her, and smiled. She looked so tired. And so worried. "It really is okay, Meredith. I'm okay. You're here, and we're okay, and you passed. Right now things really are fine."

She sighed, her upper teeth biting down on her lower lip, as she met his eyes. He almost smiled at her expression, not used to being the person stared at like that. Like she knew he was holding back something, but didn't know how hard to push. It made him a touch uncomfortable.

He pushed his mostly full coffee cup into her small hands. "I need to get changed. You look exhausted. Have some coffee."

Opening his locker, Derek quickly stripped out of his dirty scrubs and pulled on jeans, a button up and a light sweater. He dumped the scrubs into the laundry bin, pulled his bag out of the locker, and re-connected his beeper and phone to his fresh pants. He hung his bag on his shoulder and pushed out the door.

Meredith was leaning against the wall opposite of the locker room, coffee cup still in hand. She smiled when he exited. "Ready?" She asked.

He nodded. "Absolutely." And the pair broke into stride beside each other as they headed back towards the elevator. The door was just closing as they walked up, and Derek managed to stick a one-million-dollar-a-year hand between the doors. They re-opened and Derek and Meredith stepped into an empty car.

He yawned, despite himself and smirked as he reached over to pry his coffee back out of his girlfriend's grasp. "You leave me any?" He added sarcastically at the significantly lighter weight of the cup. He took a sip.

She rolled her eyes. "You told me to have some. Do you need me to buy you another one?" She raised an eyebrow, her eyes sparkling as she tried not to laugh at him.

He laughed, taking one more sip. "Nope, I'm good." And he passed the coffee back to her.

She smiled thankfully, and the elevator car stopped its descent.

They exited the elevator together, striding through the lobby towards the doors, only slowing down for Meredith to dunk the now empty coffee cup into a garbage can.

000

"I found the suitcase," Derek said as he walked through the door of Meredith's room, suitcase in hand. Apparently the concept of going away for two weeks hadn't connected with the concept of packing until Meredith had walked into her room and realized several things: she hadn't done laundry in a while, she didn't know where her suitcase was and, most importantly, she was quickly running out of time.

"Oh, Derek, thank-you." She said as he hoisted it up, onto the bed, careful to avoid the piles of clothes haphazardly strewn on top of it. "Thank-god. What would I have done if it wasn't here?"

He shrugged, a smirk fluttering across his face. "Well, you would had to have spent most of the trip naked."

She glared at him, but he could still see a laughing gleam in her eye. "You're an ass," she muttered, as she began scooping piles of clothes into the suitcase.

"What are you doing?" Derek asked, amused.

"Packing."

He laughed. "Seriously? You call that packing. All of your clothes are going to be wrinkled when you get there."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well I pulled most of them out of the laundry, so they're already wrinkled."

He shook his head.

"What?" She asked as she held a shirt up to her nose, sniffed, wrinkled her nose, and yet, tossed it in anyway.

"Meredith, you just packed, like four sweatshirts."

"So?"

"So? So, you're going to Hawaii. It's warm there."

She breathed out, taking a moment to glare at him before pulling out two of the sweatshirts. "There. Is that better?"

"I'm just trying to help."

She scoffed and returned to her closet. Derek took the opportunity to pull some of the piles of clothes out and start folding. She rolled her eyes at him, but didn't protest. After she had effectively packed half of her wardrobe, and many pairs of shoes, she turned to him. "What am I forgetting?"

"Kitchen sink?"

She glared and threw a shirt at him. "Shut-up. I don't usually pack this much, but I don't have a lot of time to think about it, okay? I've never done the vacation thing, so I have no idea what to pack and I'm doing my best to not forget anything in a very short amount of time."

He held up his hands. "Okay."

"Now, what am I forgetting?"

He smirked. "Well, you're going to an island, where there's a beach, so you may want a bathing suit."

She laughed. "Right." She pulled a mangle of suits out of a drawer in her dresser and dropped them onto the suitcase. "What else?"

"Toothbrush?" He supplied, the item alone opened up a large category of bathroom stuff.

"Damn," and she disappeared into the bathroom for several minutes, giving him time to pull out a few unnecessary items: winter boots, half on the infinite pairs of socks, a particularly revealing bathing suit. This freed up a fair amount of room and he just managed to tuck a specific item between the folds of a pile of shirts when she re-entered, dropping an arm load of toiletries down on the bed beside the suitcase. She stuffed an array of shampoos, conditioners, body lotions etc into a plastic bag, and stuffed them into the suitcase. Followed by a make up bag. Hairdryer. Toothbrush and paste.

"You won't need the towel," he reminded. "They'll have them at the resort."

"Okay," She answered, pulling out towel, along with two pairs of pants and a few shirts. "I really don't need these." She continued her removal project by taking out a pair of shirts, another sweatshirt, two pairs of shoes, one pair of sandals. "There, I think that's better. I just need to grab my jacket from downstairs." She paused, staring at the suitcase, her expression pensive. Then, out came another pair of shoes. More pants, two more shirts, one blouse. The suitcase was now surprisingly empty.

Derek smiled and shook his head at her antics. He was pretty sure she had unpacked more than was left packed.

There was movement in the hall, and Cristina appeared in the doorway. "I'm all packed. You ready to go?"

Meredith nodded. "I think so."

"Good, I'll call a cab."

Derek shook his head. "You don't need a cab. I'll take you to the airport."

Cristina paused, cell phone in hand. "Great."

Meredith smiled. "Thanks, Derek." She sighed as she surveyed her suitcase and nodded. Then pulled handbag closer and rummaged. "Okay, I have my cell, my wallet. I won't need my keys," she tossed them onto the bed. "Don't need my nametag." It landed beside the keys. "No beeper." It landed beside the nametag. "Do I need anything else?" She posed to Derek and Cristina.

Cristina shrugged. "All you need is a ticket and a credit card." She stated.

Derek rolled his eyes. "And a passport."

"Oh!" Meredith exclaimed. "I almost forgot." She laughed as she dug through the top drawer in her bedside table for her passport. She tossed it into her purse. "We good?" She asked.

"Camera?"

She pulled it out of her closet and dropped it into her suitcase.

"If you're taking your cell, you'll want your charger."

It was immediately unplugged and joined the camera.

"Sunscreen?"

"Don't have any. It's never sunny in Seattle. I'll have to buy it there."

He thought. "Something to read on the plane?"

She paused. "I don't really have anything..." she trailed off, her eyes landing on the Nature: Medicine journal lying on the table on his side of the bed. She tilted her head and smiled.

He rolled his eyes. "Take it."

It was added to her carry-on.

"I think you're good."

"Great!"Cristina said. "Then let's get going. Plane leaves in two hours." She led the way down the stairs, Meredith trailing behind her, suitcase in hand. Derek took the rear, carrying the purse she had left on the bed.

Cristina picked up her suitcase from the bottom of the stairs, and the two girls headed out to the car. Derek rolled his eyes as he grabbed his keys from the front hall table, and stopped to pull Meredith's forgotten jacket out of the closet. He tossed it over the arm that was holding the forgotten purse.

000

Pulling up to the departure gait, Derek put the car in park, and Meredith and Cristina were out like a flash. They had been stuck in traffic on the way, and would have to hurry to get checked in on time. The suitcases were already out of the trunk by the time he made it to the back of the car.

Cristina took a few steps away, and Meredith turned to him. She reached up her arms and wrapped them tightly behind his neck.

"Thank-you," she whispered. "Thank-you for being so good about this."

He closed his arms around her. "It's what I'm here for." She laughed. "But seriously, Meredith. She needs you. And you need this too. You've had a hell of a year, and you deserve a vacation."

She stayed silent for several seconds, her only reaction evident in her arms tightening their grip around his neck. "I love you," she finally whispered.

He kissed the side of her neck. "I love you too."

"You'll be okay?"

He nodded as much as he could in the embrace. "I'll be fine."

"And you'll still be here when I come back?"

He smiled. "Absolutely. There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

She breathed and pulled back a bit. "Thank-you," she said again, before slamming her lips against his in a long, deep kiss that left him breathless.

After she pulled away, they spent several seconds simply staring into each other's eyes.

Then she nodded. "Okay, I have to go."

He nodded. "You have to go."

"And we're going to be fine."

"We're going to be fine."

"And we're going to finish our talk when I get back."

He smiled. "And we're going to talk when you get back."

"Okay."

"Okay."

One more quick kiss.

"I love you so much, Mer."

She smirked and her eyes danced. "I know. But I still love you more."

He rolled his eyes. "We so don't have time to continue that now."

She smiled, taking one deep breath before pulling away.

"Have a good trip. Have some fun."

"I will. Hey, I'll see if I can buy you a tropical shirt." She joked.

He laughed. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Okay."

"Okay."

They stared for a long moment before she smiled, nodded to him, and was gone, she and Cristina hurrying into the airport.

He watched for as long as he could see them, sighing when she disappeared out of his sight. He turned back to his car, dropping behind the wheel, fastening his seatbelt before pulling out of parking space. He drove back to Meredith's, utterly exhausted; mentally, physically and emotionally. He had been awake for over twenty-four hours, had barely eaten, and wanted more than anything to fall asleep with his girlfriend in his arms.

Unlocking the front door, he stumbled up the stairs and into her bedroom. Pushing the mound of clothes and other rejected items off the bed, he stripped down to his boxers, pulled back the covers and collapsed. Pulling the blankets over himself, he pulled Meredith's pillow into his arms and breathed in her scent. Two weeks was a long time. A lot could happen in two weeks, especially two weeks away from the stress of her life. The mess of being with him. Two weeks was a long time.

His breathing hitched as he pulled the pillow tighter, tears welling in his eyes. Everything was going to be fine, he told himself. Everything was fine. And it would continue to be fine. Everything would be okay.

But two weeks was a long time.

_**AN: Sorry I'm a little slow on the updates lately. I'm trying to gauge where the story will go after the next few planned chapters, so I'm hesitant to update **__**to**__** soon. And I totally forgot in the last chapter to thank everyone who either reviewed or **__**PM'd**__** me with info on what's going on with the show. I actually managed to find the **__**ep**__** online yesterday, which is awesome, but **__**don**__**;t**__** know if it will happen again. So, the only thing I really still need to **__**know,**__** is if they get more results from their exams, which I don't expect to happen, but you never know. **__**Lol**____** So, thanks for the info, **__**i**__** really appreciate it. **_

_**AN2: Okay, so I need to rant a little. I re-read a few chaps online, because I couldn't remember if a certain topic had been discussed by certain people, and **__**its**__** easier to look online then open every chapter in word one by one. In one recent chapter apparently changes didn't get made like they should, and it stated that the interns stared that day, and the new residents didn't get them, which is what I was thinking originally. And no one mentioned it, which is okay, not a big deal. BUT, why did no one mention there is an **__**authors**__** note right in the middle of one of the chapters? **__**Seriously?**__** I was like, **__**wtf**__**? No idea how that happened. I will fix it when I have time to re-upload. But, please point out acts of my stupidity in the future? Thanks. lol**_


	18. Starting Over

The hospital seemed emptier without the mass of interns that usually frequented the hallways at all hours. The soon-to-be residents with interns of their own had now been off for a week, giving the hospital one more week to prepare for the shock of the returning residents plus the new batch of interns. However, just because there were fewer doctors around, didn't mean there were any fewer patients demanding treatment, and without interns to do the grunt work, Derek had found himself surprisingly busy. Something many of the other Attendings, namely Mark, complained about, but which Derek was quite happy about. It kept his mind off things. Namely Meredith.

However, he was in a relatively good mood today, having returned home the night before to have Izzy hand him a postcard. It had been from Meredith. And it had been addressed to him. At her address. Meredith had sent one to Alex and Izzy as well, but it hadn't made his any less special. It was the fact that she had sent it to her own address, knowing he would be there to get it. For the first time in six days, he had fallen asleep happy, instead of exhausted and depressed, the card safely on the table beside him. It had, in all effect, become his lifeline over the past twenty-four hours, pulling him out of the hole of depression he seemed to be wallowing in. His exhaustion and stress had made things seem worse than they actually were. Because one week down, and things were still okay. Only one week left. And he had a postcard, which had now taken up residence on the bulletin board in his office.

Having checked his post-op patients, he headed to his office to finish some paperwork, sighing as he passed the now vacant office, still boasting the _Head of Cardiovascular Surgery_ plaque, but lacking the name plate that once sat underneath it. The day after the girls had left, Derek had walked in the front doors of the hospital, surprised to see Burke, clad in street clothes, box in hand, exiting. One glance at the older man's face, and Derek knew this would be the last time Burke left Seattle Grace. Having given his notice and emptied his office, he was taking the last load to his car. Preston had bid a short goodbye to his friend, only pausing to make Derek promise to tell Cristina himself about his leaving. And then he was gone.

Derek sighed heavily and got to work. It was over an hour later that he heard a knock at his door, raising his head to find his ex-wife standing in the doorway.

000

"Hey," Addison said as Derek looked up from his work. "Sorry to bother you, but do you have a minute?"

Derek dropped his pen. "Sure, you need a consult?" He made to get up.

She shook her head. "No, nothing like that. It's just...I leave tomorrow and I feel like I really need to talk to you before I go."

He sat back, regarding her warily, obviously unsure of her intentions. However, he nodded and motioned for her to take the chair opposite his desk.

She smiled thankfully and took her seat, shaking her head slightly at the sheer difference in his office, compared to the one in New York. The old one had been larger, sleeker, much more modern. She should know. She had decorated it herself. The furniture had been fancy, a custom matched set, built for style not comfort. The shelves had been stacked neatly with organized sections for texts, journals and records. She had arranged an array of pictures along the wall, all in matching frames of course. His many degrees had been arranged prominently along the most visible wall, lined up chronologically, all perfectly level.

This new office was smaller, but much more inviting. The furniture didn't match, but was comfortable, from the old, oak desk to the large, off coloured couch at the back. The shelves were mis-matched, and held piles of textbooks here and journals there. A filing cabinet sat in the back, two drawers open, one more than the other. The wall was a light shade of blue, and the only decorative thing on the wall was an old frayed picture of a neuron, one commonly given away at medical conferences. Derek had probably inherited it with the office. Only his med school diploma hung on the wall, beside the desk, most likely on a pre-existing nail. There were only two picture frames in the room. One sat on top of a text book on the shelves behind Derek. She recognized it as an old picture of his family, taken years ago, when Derek was still in high school. The other, smaller, picture frame sat on his desk, facing him, so she could only see the back. However, she was pretty sure she knew what it held. And the bulletin board, on the wall beside his desk, had a postcard of a breathtaking coastline, pinned prominently above the mass of notes and reminders. And she didn't have to guess who it was from.

"So, uh, this is usually the part where you start talking," Derek prompted gently, pulling her from her thoughts.

"Right, sorry. I was just noticing your office."

He raised an eyebrow. "You've seen it before," he said, but turned around in his chair, as if to see if anything big had changed and he hadn't noticed.

She smiled and shook her head when he was facing her again, eyebrow raised. "I know, it's just... I guess I never noticed it before. I never noticed _you_ before. You're comfortable here. I thought you had changed, but really you finally gave up pretending, didn't you?"

His face was passive, but she knew she had made the right deduction.

"I'm sorry I forced you to be someone you weren't, Derek. I see how happy you are here... how different you are... and it makes me wonder just how miserable you were in New York."

"Hey," he cut in. "I wasn't miserable. You didn't make me miserable. I don't think I even realized how much I needed to get away from that lifestyle. It wasn't your fault, Addy."

She smiled. He really was a good guy. Some things would never change.

"I'm glad you're happy now Derek. I'm glad you're figuring out who you really are."

"You too," he said. "L.A. will be good for you."

She smiled. "I know it will. I'm looking forward to it, actually."

"Good."

"Yeah, and I leave soon, which is why I needed to talk to you."

He nodded. "You already said that."

"I know. I'm just gearing myself up." She sighed and took a breath. "I really did love you, Derek. When we got married, there wasn't a doubt in my mind. And I can't even pinpoint where we went wrong along the way, but we did."

Derek nodded. "Me too."

"And I knew we were drifting. I knew I was losing you, but I couldn't fix it. I felt so helpless, but now I realize why I couldn't fix it. We didn't belong together anymore, Derek. We really didn't. I was out dragging you to fundraisers and charity events all the time, trying to make you into something you're not. We were fine in med school, when everyone lives in the same sort of housing and eats the same food and doesn't have time for anything but school. But we graduated and we got successful and started making money, and I was ecstatic, but you... you were happy without the money, weren't you?" She already knew the answer, so continued before he could answer. "You became a doctor to become a doctor, end of story. You don't want the fancy dinners, and the huge houses. You want to help people, and live comfortably. And you need to do that with someone who wants the same things as you."

"Addison-." He tried, but she cut him off.

"I'm so sorry, Derek, that I almost ruined your chance at happiness. I should have just let you go, let you be happy. But I couldn't. I was still living in the dream of the perfect life. I knew you made the wrong decision, Derek. I knew you would rather be with her, but would stay with me out of obligation. But I let it happen anyway. I let it continue. I guess I just hoped that you would... change your mind or something. Then you two got back together, and I was hurt, and I felt stupid. And it wasn't until the day of the ferry crash that I realized.

"You never felt that way about me, Derek. We never had that. She, Meredith, is what you need. It wasn't an affair, it wasn't revenge," she said, finally agreeing with what he had voiced so many months ago. "You really did find the right person to be with. The person who will let you be you. And I almost took that away from you. So, Derek, I am truly sorry."

He stayed silent for several seconds, obviously digesting everything she had told him. "Thank-you," he finally spoke. Open. Honest. "But, Addy, it wasn't all your fault. I made the decision."

She nodded. "I know, and thank-you for giving me the chance to make us work, Derek. Now there are no regrets, now what ifs."

He nodded his agreement.

She smiled. "She's good for you, Derek. As much as I tried, I've never been able to hate her. She obviously loves you, and she's young, but she doesn't back down, does she?" Addison almost laughed. "She'll keep you in line, but she'll let you be you. I really am happy for you."

"Thanks."

Addison smiled, choosing not to comment on how the light was suddenly reflecting more off his eyes. "I need you to promise me you're going to make it work," she said. "Whatever has been on your mind, you need to tell her."

He looked at her in surprise and she rolled her eyes. "Derek, we were married for eleven years. I can still tell when something is bothering you."

He smiled at her. "Oh."

"You deserve to be happy, Derek. Let her in."

He nodded. "I will."

"Good."

He cleared his throat. "So, why are you telling me this?"

She sighed. "Because, I need to get it out of the way before I tell you what I have to tell you next and you never want to talk to me again."

"Oh, god..." He sat up a little straighter, preparing for a blow.

"Derek, I am so sorry about Mark. I know our marriage was rocky, but there was no excuse for what I did. And, funnily enough, you know what kills me the most? Not only did I kill a marriage, but I killed a lifelong friendship." She paused, noting Derek's expression. He was obviously somewhat uncomfortable with the subject, but was going to let her speak her peace.

"I can't blame it on anything," Addison continued. "We weren't drunk. He was just there, and we were talking on the couch. And then..." she trailed off, taking a moment to collect herself. "You need to know that I started it. I initiated it. I kissed him. And then, suddenly, we were in bed, and you were there, and..." She stopped explaining. They both knew what happened next.

"After you left, I moved in with him." She had already told him this, but she still felt the need to explain it. "We lived together for months. I tried to convince myself that I hadn't thrown away my marriage on a fling. And Mark... he kept fighting for me, even after you and I were back together, but Derek, it was the same thing for him, really. But he stood to lose so much more. He lost his best friend, his only family. And you know Mark's emotional level..." She rolled her eyes. "He needed this to mean something. I think he's only now realizing what it was."

Derek took a deep breath. "Okay."

Addison hesitated. It was the moment of truth, but she floundered. It would be so easy to not tell him. It would be so easy to never mention. He would never learn the truth anyway. But she sighed, knowing she had to tell him. "And there's one more thing, Derek."

The tone of her voice got his attention.

She looked away, unable to meet his eyes when she told him. "I, uh, got pregnant when I was living with Mark."

She couldn't ignore the intake of breath coming from the other side of the desk, and she risked a quick glance at his shocked face before looking away again.

"It wasn't planned, and I wasn't going to tell him, but then I did, and he went out and bought this Yankee's onesie, and for a while, things were okay. But then reality hit and I realized what I was doing. Mark and I were living in a facade. Hardly the place to raise a child. So... I had an abortion, and then got a call from Richard..."

When she finally gained the courage to look back up at his face, he was motionless, expressionless, staring forward, but not looking at her. She shifted, uncomfortable, but glad she had finally gotten that off her chest, glad she had come clean and told him. He had a right to know. Even if he demanded she leave his office and never spoke to her again. Even if he never stopped hating her, he deserved to know.

When he finally focussed on her eyes, she was taken aback by the intensity of his gaze, the pain that was still there, over a year later.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He finally spoke, quiet, not giving away anything he was feeling.

"The same reason I didn't tell you about us living together. I knew you'd never pick me." She remained honest. He deserved it, after all she put him through; he deserved it.

He was silent again. It lasted so long, that she was overwhelmed with the urge to fill the silence.

"I'm sorry, Derek, I know I keep saying it, but I really am. Sorry, I mean. I really am sorry. I managed to bulldoze the life you were trying to create, and I lied and I hurt you. And I'm sorry. But you needed to know. You had a right to know. So I told you. Because I'm leaving and you needed to know." She paused, trying to gauge how badly he was reacting. She wasn't sure he had heard any of what she had just vocalized.

"You're right," he finally spoke. "If you had told me, I wouldn't have picked you. But I never asked. I never asked what you had done for the months before you came to Seattle. And we did try again. And you're right about one thing. At least now there are no regrets, no what ifs."

She held her breath. "You're not mad?"

He sighed, looking utterly defeated. "What's the point?" He shrugged. "What's done is done. It didn't work out. We're both trying to start over. I know you, Addy, I know how hard it must have been to have an abortion."

Addison's eyes filled with tears and she nodded, but stayed silent.

"It was good for a while," he said, obviously trying to brighten the mood.

She smiled. "It really was."

"But its time to move on, no pain, no regrets, no blame."

"Thank-you," she whispered.

He stood and she followed suit, meeting him beside the desk for a tight hug. She smiled as he kissed the top of her head and sighed. "Goodbye, Addison," he whispered.

She smiled and pulled away. "Goodbye, Derek." And she nodded at him, before stepping out of his office. Out of his life.

_**AN: So, just a side chapter. I felt that Derek and Addison needed closure, and we needed to see how Derek was doing alone for two weeks. **_


	19. Lots to deal with

The elevator door dinged, announcing its arrival at the floor before the doors opened to reveal its occupants. Derek snapped his head up from the chart resting on the nurse's station, only to be disappointed yet again. A number of young, nervous doctors stumbled off together, travelling as if in a flock towards the intern locker room. He sighed, turning his attention back to his chart. He had been in for over an hour, and had already rounded on his patients. He was just making notes on his only scheduled surgery for the day.

The elevator dinged again, and again Derek lurched his attention towards it. A very determined Dr. Bailey stepped off, striding across the floor.

"Morning, Dr. Shepherd," she said as she passed him, barely slowing.

"Dr. Bailey," he greeted, although doubted she had heard him. Ever since she had been passed over for Chief Resident, the Nazi had been back in action. Cold, demanding, always on the run. She wasn't going to let anyone or anything get in her way. Derek shook his head, feeling bad or her. She had to be hurt and embarrassed. She had obviously expected the job and, in his mind, she deserved it.

Another ding and another elevator load of people who weren't Meredith filed past him. Her flight home the night before had been delayed. She was supposed to have landed over an hour ago, giving her and Cristina just enough time to go home, drop off their bags and head to the hospital. But they hadn't shown up yet. He checked his cell for missed calls, even though he knew he wouldn't have any. He had been paying extra attention to listen for his ring tone. He hadn't seen her in two weeks, you'd think an extra couple hours wouldn't make that big a difference. But he was dying to see her, to hug her, to kiss her. It had been too long.

He had spent the last week buried in paperwork, catching up on ever last thing he could possibly do. He had barely left the hospital, returning home late every night and leaving early every morning. Alex had gone away for his two weeks off, returning the day before, obviously unhappy. And Izzy...well Derek wasn't sure what was wrong with his girlfriend's roommate. She had been basically alone for two weeks, save for his presence in the house, and had done more baking then he had thought possible. She was obviously depressed and upset, and yet he still couldn't bring himself to ask her what was wrong, to attempt to comfort her. He still didn't know where he stood in her life. So, his solution on trying to help her had been accepting her offers on baked goods. Her many, many offers.

He had had more muffins and cookies and cupcakes in the last week than he had probably ever had in his life. And although he had to admit they were delicious, he had a limit. He felt like he had gained ten pounds. But he couldn't say no. After giving in to her sad face one day when he was feeling vulnerable, he couldn't refuse her. And it seemed to make her happy, having someone to bake for. He needed Meredith back to act as a buffer. He needed her.

He felt a presence beside him and turned to find George staring hesitantly at him.

"Dr. O'Malley, what can I do for you?"

George stumbled slightly before speaking. "Dr. Shepherd, have you seen Dr. Grey?"

Derek raised an eyebrow at the younger doctor's formal tone, but said nothing to mention it. "No, I haven't. She and Dr. Yang should be here any moment. Their flight was delayed." He offered as explanation.

George looked disappointed. "Oh, okay, thank-you. Will you just...tell her I really need to talk to her?"

"Of course," he said, and then inwardly sighed. "Is everything okay?" He asked in a much less formal voice.

The younger man hesitated. "Yeah, everything's fine," he said flatly. "I just...well...Meredith is my resident."

"Your resident?" Derek asked, confused, before realization dawned. He hadn't actually read the list of interns who would be continuing as residents. "Oh." He stated.

George nodded. "Yeah, and I don't think she knows. And I just need her to treat me like..." He trailed off.

"Like an intern." Derek supplied.

"Yeah."

He nodded. "I'll let her know when I see her."

"Thank-you." And George was gone.

Derek shook his head at the mess that had become of Meredith's friends while she had been gone. Alex was brooding, Izzy was depressed, and George was starting over. He sighed, wondering how much of her attention would need to be allotted to her friends, especially adding in the fact that he had no idea how Cristina was faring. He felt horrible for being so selfish in his thoughts, but he just needed to see her. It had been too long. And not thinking about things, and staying as busy as possible were starting to break down. He was failing.

He hadn't even heard her voice in fifteen days. She had sent him three postcards, all of which were pinned up in his office, and a few short e-mails when she managed to find some internet access. He loved her for trying, for staying in touch, but he needed to hear her voice. Her first e-mail had announced that her cell phone did not work in Hawaii, and something about the hygienic deficits associated with the public phones at the resort.

Derek was so engrossed in his thoughts, and pretending to read his chart, that he didn't even notice the familiar presence standing beside him until it bumped his hip.

000

Meredith ran up the stairs on Cristina's heels, arriving at the floor with barely minutes to spare. They're plane had been so late leaving, stranding them in the airport for most of the night. Then, they had been unable to get a cab right away, forced to stand in line and wait, making Meredith regret turning down Derek's offer to pick them up. Once home, they had spent as little time as possible getting changed and ready to go. She had been amused to notice that Derek had done the laundry she had left strewn across her bedroom, and it was obvious he had resided in her room while she had been gone. She had changed into an extra pair of scrubs she had come home in once and had never taken back, grabbed her pager and name card from their position on her dresser, Derek again, and had met Cristina at the door. Cristina had driven, and Meredith was pretty sure they had broken every speeding law on the way to the hospital. She didn't know for sure however, because her eyes had been closed for most of the drive.

As they ran through the front doors of Seattle Grace, a mass of people were already waiting to board the elevators, so when Cristina had made a beeline for the stairs, Meredith hadn't hesitated. They reached their floor and pushed through the door. Meredith was exhausted. Spending most of the evening in the airport hadn't been restful, and she hated sleeping on planes. And after the stress of getting to the hospital on time began to fade, she suddenly realized the hard part was barley over. She had four new interns to her responsibility, and a thirty-six hour shift to work. Although she had been upset at the news that the first intern shift this cohort was only thirty-six hours, she was now grateful. She couldn't handle forty-eight right now.

Cristina ran ahead to their new locker room, but Meredith slowed, recognizing a familiar figure leaning over the nurse's station. She would recognize that hair anywhere. She smiled, her fatigue instantly fading as she stepped up beside him, gently nudging him with her hip when he failed to notice her presence.

He turned towards her immediately, a light smile playing across his face.

"Hey," she said brightly, her smile matching her tone.

"Welcome home." And he pulled her into his arms, hugging her tight.

She returned the gesture, not caring about the fact that they were in the middle of a crowded hospital floor, where she was about to meet her interns. "I missed you," she whispered into the hug, and it wasn't a lie. His arms tightened around her and she smiled as a kiss landed on her shoulder. He turned his head slightly in her grip, breathing deep and she knew he was smelling her hair, taking in the lavender scent of her conditioner. There was a pause and then he let her go.

"I didn't think you were going to get here on time."

She smiled. "Me either. The plane was so late, and then we couldn't get a cab..."

He laughed, his head tilting just so as he fixed his attention so completely on her that it nearly took her breath away. Hints of the McDreamy smile played on his lips.

"What?" She asked, suddenly self-conscious.

He shook his head. "Nothing, I'm just glad to see you."

She smiled back at him, fully taking in his expression, recognizing a look in his eyes as the one that had been plaguing him before she had left. She reached and took his hand in hers, squeezing it tight. She had hoped he had been okay while she was gone, hoped things weren't as bad as she had feared. But he still looked pained. She stopped herself from questioning it, knowing that topic would have to wait for another time. She settled for staring into his deep, crystal blue eyes for several moments, losing herself as the surrounding hospital commotion faded into the background. All she could see was him, and suddenly her throat was dry and her heart rate was increasing. She had forgotten the intensity of the effect this man held over her. "I love you," she whispered with the sudden urgent need to say it. Funny how two weeks without saying it had become far too long in such a short period of time.

His modified McDreamy look immediately became full-fledged. "I love you, too."

"Ahh, only back a few minutes and already making goo goo eyes at her McDreamy," a familiar sarcastic tone tore through their moment together as Cristina appeared beside them, shoving a white bundle into Meredith's arms.

Meredith sighed, taking her lab coat from Cristina. "Thanks," she muttered.

"Okay, I'm off to meet my slaves," Cristina stated as she turned on her heels and headed down the hall towards the locker room.

Meredith shook her head.

"She seems to be doing okay?" Derek said, with a hint of a question.

She nodded. "Yeah, I think so. She was really distant for a few days, you know, refusing to talk, refusing to admit anything was wrong."

Derek smirked. "I know someone just like that..." He said, pretending to think.

She huffed and smacked him lightly on the arm. "Hey! I'm changing, or growing, or whatever." She mock glared at him before breaking into a smile. "Anyway, it took her a couple days to break down, and we talked and then she seemed...better. Not perfect, but pretty good."

"That's good."

"Yeah."

"Especially good, cause you're going to have your hands full dealing with some things here," he warned.

Her eyes snapped to his at his words, concern flooding her mind. "What?" She asked. "Why? Is everything okay? Are you okay?" She had thought he would be okay, that he would be able to wait a few weeks. He had convinced her it wasn't that serious, but for him to flat out admit that something was wrong, right in the middle of the hospital, right now...

But he was shaking his head. "Not me, Meredith. Don't worry, I'm okay."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Good, sorry. I just thought after... well I wasn't sure..."

He smiled, squeezing her hand. "I'm fine, Meredith." He repeated.

"Then what...?"

He sighed. "Something's wrong with Izzy," he started. "She's been baking non-stop since you left. Seriously, I've gained like twenty pounds," he laughed.

She was surprised. "You ate Izzy's baking?"

He nodded. "I couldn't help it. There was no one else there and she looked so sad..."

Meredith laughed at the thought. Derek, the health nut, not being able to say no to her roommate.

"So, anyway, Izzy is depressed, and Alex is brooding over something. He came home yesterday, barely spoke at all. And George..." he looked around, eyes searching for the young surgeon. He knew George wouldn't have time to find her now.

"George failed his exam," he whispered.

"What? No. He said he passed." Meredith exclaimed, unable to believe it. "Oh, my god, what does that mean? Is he even here? Is he coming back?"

"He's repeating his year, and he's your intern."

Meredith felt her lower jaw drop. "What? He can't be my intern. I can't be his...his resident. Who's bright idea was that?"

He smiled at her, shaking his head. "I don't know, and I just heard. George tried to find you before his shift. He wanted to tell you to treat him like any other intern."

Meredith took in his words and nodded. "Yeah, I ...okay."

"Oh, and Bailey is back to being the Nazi. She got passed over for Chief Resident. Did you know that? Webber gave it to Torres."

"Nope, didn't know that either. I swear, you leave for two weeks..."She rolled her eyes. "And let me guess, Webber gave Chief to Mark?" She said sarcastically.

Derek laughed aloud at this. "Actually," he said. "The Chief decided to stay."

"He's staying? After all that, making you guys jump through hoops, he's staying?"

Derek nodded, realizing he still hadn't told her about the Chief thing.

"Anything else I should know?"

"Yeah, actually. But it's good news. Well, not _good_ news. I mean it is good news, but saying so makes me sound like an ass so..."

"Derek," Meredith prompted. "You're starting to sound like me."

It was his turn to roll his eyes. "Addison's gone."

Meredith looked at him in surprise. "Gone?"

He smiled. "She took a job in LA. Left last week. She's gone."

Meredith felt a weight she didn't even know she had been carrying lift off her shoulders at his words. She had nothing against Addison anymore, hell, she actually kind of liked the woman, and she hadn't feared Derek would suddenly change his mind, but the fact that she was gone... The fact that she no longer felt the pressure to live up to the woman's image... Meredith smiled. "Wow," she whispered.

"Yeah," he met her eyes.

"Yeah."

And suddenly he was dropping her hand and backing away. She looked at him confused, but he motioned towards the hallway, and she spotted three unknown interns and George, walking her way. She sighed and quickly donned her lab coat. "Wish me luck," she muttered.

Derek laughed good naturedly. "You'll do fine."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, and Derek? Even if I have to deal with every one of my friends freaking out about something this week, you still come first. And we have a talk to finish."

He regarded her for a second, before nodding. A level of apprehension seemed to dissipate from his eyes. "Okay."

"Okay." Her interns were close. "Thank-you, Dr. Shepherd."

He nodded his head. "Dr. Grey." And he picked up his chart, striding away from the desk.

She regarded the four doctors in front of her, trying not to focus her attention on George's pleading face. She nodded discreetly at him, as if to reassure him that she had spoken with Derek. She took a moment to consider each intern individually before speaking.

"I have five rules, memorize them."

AN: My chapters seem to be getting longer and longer... This is the longest one yet, and the next one, already written btw, is a good 400 words longer. Lol. Apparently I have too much to say. I'm supposed to be focusing on school, and yet keep going on writing binges.


	20. Amazing

Meredith looked suspiciously down the hallway, both directions, before stepping off the empty elevator car. After the surprise attack from her new sister, she had been actively avoiding a confrontation. She made her way to the nurse's station and picked up the phone, her fingers automatically dialling the ambulance bay to be put through to the dispatcher. She really needed to find that arm. She spoke to several people, none of whom had seen the arm, but promised to look. She wondered how it was possible to lose an arm.

"That's right, Grey. Okay. Thanks." She hung up the phone with a sigh, her fingers coming up to grasp the chain around her neck, a habit she had picked up over the past two weeks. She dropped her hand and turned, feeling his presence before he spoke.

"Hey," Derek said.

"Hey. I'm looking for an arm. A severed arm. Have you seen it?" she questioned, knowing how absurd she sounded.

He smiled. "Have I seen your severed arm? No, no I haven't. But I'll keep an eye out for it," he joked.

Meredith shook her head and smiled. "Thanks," she muttered sarcastically. And she was about to continue when a newly familiar figure, now etched permanently into her memory, appeared in front of her.

"Hi," Lexie said. "Look I'm sorry about before. Don't block the bay doors, I know that now. I was just so nervous about meeting you..."

Meredith regarded her quietly, cursing herself inwardly for having been caught in the open like this. She had no idea what to say to the girl. No idea.

"Hey, aren't you the girl from the bar?" Derek was asking.

Lexie turned her head, as if only just taking in his presence. "What?"

Derek nodded. "You're the girl from the bar." He stated with more confidence.

Meredith narrowed her eyes, realizing exactly what Derek was talking about.

"Oh! Yes, oh my god," Lexie stumbled. "Yes, hi. Sorry, I didn't recognize you right away. Oh. My god. That's so funny. What are the odds?"

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd, what are the odds?" Meredith asked. She knew it wasn't his fault, knew he had told her the truth when he told her about the girl hitting on him in the bar. He hadn't done anything wrong. But how the man had managed to catch the attention of a new intern two years in a row, and her sister of all people. Well, she wasn't going to make it easy on him, not right now. She was exhausted and stressed, and was actively trying to avoid Lexie.

Derek scoffed at her question. "Hey," he started, but didn't continue, knowing she wouldn't want to have this conversation in front of a new intern, who had tried to pick him up at a bar. Their bar.

Lexie seemed unaware of his hesitation, turning her attention towards Meredith. "I really am sorry," she repeated. "I just really want to talk to you. I was hoping we could..." But Meredith was shaking her head, backing away.

"I have to go check my patient," she muttered.

Derek gave her a questioning look, wondering why she was so eager to take off. He was sure she wasn't trying to avoid him. "Meredith..." But she was gone.

Beside him, Lexie sighed. "She hates me. My sister hates me."

This caught Derek's attention. "Meredith is your sister?"

Lexie nodded. "Half-sister. We just met today. I didn't even know she existed until a few months ago." She looked at him and seemed to snap out of it. "Wait, you're Dr. Shepherd, right?"

Derek nodded, trying to assimilate the knowledge he had just been given. Really, what were the odds? He sighed, trying to see which was Meredith had turned at the end of the hall.

"I'm supposed to be getting you for a consult. Dr. Yang said it was really important."

"Okay," he allowed her to lead him down to the pit, wishing he could have gone after his girlfriend.

000

Hours later, Meredith sat slumped in a hard, waiting room chair, waiting for Derek to finish checking on his patient. Her surgery had been a success, and she was optimistic that her patient would keep her arm. She was absolutely exhausted, and wanted nothing more than to fall asleep, in her own bed, with Derek's arms wrapped tightly around her for the first time in more than two weeks. She closed her eyes for several seconds, basking in the thought.

"Meredith?" The questioning voice broke through her trance and she sighed as she opened her eyes, meeting an almost matching pair.

"Dr. Grey," she greeted the other doctor, feeling weird using her own name.

Lexie regarded her half-sister warily. "Look, I really am sorry about blocking your path earlier, I was just so nervous about meeting you. It won't happen again."

Meredith nodded. "Okay." She just couldn't deal with this right now. If she closed her eyes again, would Lexie just disappear?

"Okay," Lexie repeated. "I, uh, do you have a few minutes? I thought that maybe we could talk?"

Meredith repressed the urge to laugh in her face. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't know what you expect to happen here, but I'm exhausted. I haven't slept in three days."

"Oh, okay," Lexie was obviously disappointed. "Maybe tomorrow...?" She ventured timidly.

Meredith sighed, trying to swallow down all the feelings and emotions that came attached to being in the presence of the half-sister who grew up with everything she hadn't. She knew it wasn't Lexie's fault, but she really didn't need the reminder of what she didn't have, a reminder of what she was lacking.

Before she could say more, Meredith spotted Derek cautiously approaching them, and she was suddenly reminded at what she did have. She sighed in relief and stood, nodding at Lexie. "Night, Dr. Grey."

She walked up to Derek, fully aware of Lexie's eyes on her back. Meredith was not a jealous person, but she was exhausted and confused and taken completely by surprise by her half-sister showing up in her hospital. The younger woman had everything Meredith missed growing up, and she was in Meredith's hospital. But Meredith was going to make it perfectly clear that her McDreamy was off limits.

"Ready to go?" Derek asked, his expression obviously apprehensive over the way she had taken off earlier. She hadn't had a chance to speak with him since. She smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, let's go home." She took looped her wrist through the crook of his elbow, and let him lead her out the front doors towards the parking lot.

It wasn't until they were settled in his car that he spoke again.

He turned his body, as much as could behind the wheel, to face her. "Look, Meredith-"

She shook her head, placing a finger on his lips to silence him. "I know, Derek. I know. And I'm sorry. It wasn't about you. I had just found out she was my sister, and then that she was the girl from the bar..." She shook her head. "I just couldn't deal. I'm sorry."

Derek removed her finger from his lips, threading his fingers through hers. He gave her the look, their look. "Meredith, let me get one thing straight. You will always be the girl from the bar for me."

Meredith snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Seriously," Derek said.

She smiled. "And you will always be the guy from the bar."

He smirked. "Yeah, the one you took advantage of."

She scoffed at him. "You seriously want to re-start that now? Seriously?"

Derek shrugged. "There's no re-starting anything. It's a fact, always been a fact. I was vulnerable and good looking and you took advantage. Oh, and I love you more," He added with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes, using his hand to pull herself over the centre consol to meet his lips. She kissed him for several seconds before pulling away, "You're an ass," she muttered, settling herself back on her side of the car.

Derek laughed and dropped her hand to start the car.

000

Meredith jolted awake at the hand on her shoulder. She sat upright, blinking her eyes to find herself in her own driveway. She barely remembered leaving the hospital. She yawned and looked over at Derek, who was observing her with a bemused expression.

"Tired?" he asked.

She nodded. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep. Wow, I didn't think I was that tired." She laughed and stepped out of the car. Together, they made their way inside, Meredith shaking her head at a snoring Cristina flaked out on the couch. Cristina had made it perfectly clear that she was not going to sleep in her old apartment ever again, and had jumped at Meredith's offer to crash on the couch until she found a new place.

"I guess you two have something in common," he whispered in response to Cristina's snoring and she smacked him. He laughed and shook his head, stepping back to let her lead the way up the stairs.

Once they were in the safety of the bedroom, Meredith sighed with relief. Derek was right, something was going on with all of her friends. Bailey was different. She had to get used to reporting to Callie, especially since she was technically her boss's husband's boss, which was weird and awkward. And now she had a sister to deal with on top of all of it. But Meredith was determined not to let her sister be the straw. She had been through too much to allow something like this to break her.

She and Derek took turns in the bathroom. "Thanks for doing laundry, by the way," Meredith said, as she stepped out of the bathroom, her teeth now minty-fresh. "I told Cristina, and she thinks you're whipped."

Derek turned towards her, clad in only boxers and an old, thinning tee. He scoffed. "I am not."

She laughed. "Suuuuurrrre you aren't."

He narrowed his eyes at her, but remained silent. Whether he couldn't come up with a retort, or knew it was true so he didn't bother, Meredith didn't know. She smirked and stripped off her shirt as she wandered towards her dresser for pyjamas.

Derek surprised her by hooking an arm around her waist as she tried to walk by and spinning her to settle against him, wrapped in his arms. "I missed you," he muttered, as he buried his face in the crook between her neck and shoulder.

Meredith revelled in the feeling of his hands on her bare back. She sighed and wrapped her arms loosely around his middle, simply enjoying the closeness. His hand moved up and down her back, lulling her gently. She closed her eyes and let her head rest against his shoulder as they stood there. It was unspoken, but understood, that neither of them were up to doing anything tonight. It had been a long gruelling shift, so there would be no welcome home sex tonight. And there would be no continuing of a certain conversation tonight. But right now, delaying sleep for this purpose was more than tolerable.

Derek's hand slowly wandered higher, heading up towards her hair in large, lazy circles, when his fingers caught the chain on her neck. She gasped as she realized, and pulled back, grabbing hold of his hands as they left her waist. She smiled at him, suddenly self-conscious, but not because she was standing in front of him in only scrub pants and a bra.

"Thank-you, Derek," she whispered, her eyes held steady by his. "I wanted to thank you in person. Then I was late and forgot," she winced at her own words. "But I love it. It meant... Thank-you. Though, you really didn't have to..."

He smiled at her. "You are most welcome," he said, combining his hold of her hands into one of his to raise his free hand to run his fingers along the simple gold chain around her neck, running them down to stop at the custom pendant hanging from it. "It's looks good," he said.

Meredith bit her lip, remembered finding the enveloped as she was unpacking her suitcase.

_She swung her suitcase onto the queen sized bed with a sigh. __Cristina__ was doing the same beside her. After a marathon shift, a long flight and an extended a__rgument with the resort manager which__resulted in __Cristina__ having__ their reservations changed from the honeymoon suite__ to a regular suite__ for which Meredith was grateful, they were finally here.__Not that she didn't love her best friend,__ but she would prefer not to spend the next tw__o weeks dodging questioning glanc__es from other vacationers and hotel staff.__ Although she was certain she would have to deal with that from Alex when she got home anyway._

_She unzipped her suitcase, smiling at the neatly folded clothes. A glance at __Cristina__'s suitcase told Meredith they packed alike, and she laughed as __Cristina__ pulled out balled clothing and shoved them into the drawers on her side of the room._

_Meredith turned back to her own belongings, trying to be careful to keep everything nicely folded as she arbitrarily assigned her drawers to different categories of clothing. __Her pants going in the bottom, followed by shirts.__ It wasn't until she was on the third drawer up; pyjamas, that she pulled out her favourite sleep shorts and old tees she had stolen from Derek's wardrobe that an envelope fell out of the pile as she was walking from bed to dresser._

_She placed the clothes in the drawer and stooped to pick it up. Flipping it over, she read her own name,__ scrawled in immediately recognizable__ neat, cursive writing. She smiled to herself and shook her head.__ She hadn't even had a hint of him sneaking s__omething into her suitcase. G__lanced over at __Cristina__, who was still unpacking, Meredith__ placed the envelope down on the bed for the time being. __Cristina__ didn't need her to open it in front of her right now. _

_Once they were both finished packing, __Cristina__ announced she was going to have a shower, so Meredith decided to go for a walk. She pocketed the envelope and grabbed her cell ph__one, planning on calling Derek while she opened the envelope._

_However, when she had wandered out onto the beach and took a seat on an empty chair, Meredith realized her cell phone was not going to work. __Something about roaming capability__ not being installed__ She cursed the __phone,__ technically she was still in the US. The thing should work. __She tried one more time before giving up and dropping the useless communication device onto the small bar table next to he. It really was a nice resort, a number of table and chair sets of different sizes were strewn across the beach, and she spotted a waiter wandering the occupied tables, obviously taking drink orders. She shook her head when he glanced at her. __Drinking could wait until later. _

_She surveyed the happy vacationers strewn out across the beach. It was mid afternoon, but it was somewhat cloudy and a little on the cool side, so it wasn't too busy. She had some peace and some pri__vacy, which was just what she needed. _

_Meredith pulled the now slightly bent envelope out of her pocket, flattening it across her thigh before carefully tearing open the top. She pulled out a card, the front displaying a universal 'congratulations.' Upon opening the card, a small satin bag fell out, landing on her lap. It was tiny, fitting easily in her palm, but heavy enough that she knew it held some form of precious metal.__ Rubbing two fingers __on either side, she felt a chain__ Even though she wasn't one fore jewellery, Meredith was pretty sure it was a necklace._

_She sighed, trying to balance her emotions. __Happy that he had thought of her__, and that she obviously meant enough to him __to warrant this__. Uncertainty of receiving a gift from him, especially something that was obviously going to be jewellery. She hoped he didn't think she expected this kind of thing. She closed her fingers around the bag and opened the card._

Meredith,

Congratulations, which you can kind of figure from the front of the card. Apparently hallmark doesn't really have a specialty card for every occasion. The closest I could find was 'congrats on your promotion,' but that doesn't really hold the right sentiment. So, I thought I would start from scratch with a simple congratulations.

So, congratulations, Meredith. You are going to make an extraordinary surgeon, and I'm not just saying this because I'm slightly biased, I'm saying it because it's the simple truth. And not because it's in your blood, not because of your mother. Because of you. Because of who you are. You're an amazing person, and I am so grateful that I get to be a part of your life.

So, feel good about yourself. You made it. You had the hardest internship than any other I've ever heard of, but you made it. You proved to yourself and everyone else that you, Meredith Grey, deserve to be here. That you belong here.

I know you don't think you deserve it, and I know you're not a jewellery person, and you're probably holding the bag in your hand, unopened, but I had to get you something to mark this occasion. It's what I'm here for.

Love Always, Derek

_By the time Meredith had finished reading his words, she had tears in her eyes and she sniffed, wiping the back of her hand across her face. Why did he have to be so damn poetic? She glanced at the fist still tightly wrapped around __the small bag. And why did he have__ to know her so well? _

_With shaking fingers, she pulled open the small draw string and flipped the bag over to spill the contents out onto her palm. She sighed with relief when she realized it was nothing too fancy, nothing sparkled, nothing gleamed in the sunlight. Slowly, she lifted the chain upwards towards the sky, watching as the two leads straightened into a line, eventually revealing the charm hanging loosely at the bottom._

_She squinted. Was that a...? She hooked her other palm under it, pulling it in close for inspection. Then she started laughing. Laughing as tears streamed down her face__. But she didn't care. He was truly amazing. How had she gotten so lucky? Without wasting any time, she unhooked the latch and fastened it around her neck, her fingers running down the chain on both sides once it was secure. One hand came to rest on the pendant, her fist tightening around it for several seconds. She smiled. The card went safely back into her pocket, and the chain didn't come off for the rest of her trip. _

Snapping back to the present, Meredith smiled at Derek and tilted her head. "Thank-you," she repeated. "You are an amazing man," she whispered. "I don't know how I got so lucky."

He smiled down at her, dropping the pendant to settle against her chest once more. "I'm the lucky one," he whispered, leaning in to rest his forehead against hers. "I love you, Meredith."

Meredith closed her eyes, breathing in his simple nearness. "I love you too, Derek." She was reminded that, although they were close and they were talking, they still had a long way to go. But right now, at this exact point in time, she had nothing but faith. She knew they would get there. She knew without a doubt that they would work things out, they would get their happy ending. They would one day get to that endpoint, the one that still scared her, but suddenly not as much as before.

After several minutes, Derek placed a kiss on her forehead and they silently resumed getting ready for bed. Meredith pulled off her scrub pants and pulled on a large tee, before crawling into bed. Only moments behind her, Derek exited the bathroom, flipped off the light switch and then was under the covers beside her. He pulled her in close, his arms around her middle to meet with her hands. He wriggled a few times, getting comfortable before coming to rest behind her.

"G'night," he whispered through her hair.

"Night," she echoed, smiling sleepily as exhaustion overtook her and she was lulled to sleep by his even breathing on the back of her neck, the chain shifting so the miniature scalpel hanging from it lay against the pillow under her chin.

_**AN: **__**WooHoo**__**, 20 chapters! **__**Yay**__** for me, especially seeing as this story started as a one to two shot. **__**Lol**____** But I've really enjoyed writing it so far. And I would like to send out a huge thank-you to everyone who has been reading and giving me feedback. It's really helped me to sculpt this story into what is has become. I finally find myself with real internet access, so will be attempting to keep up with responding to my reviews from now on. I've tried to answer questions in the past, but have had to drag my computer into the school to get access to do so, and to simply post my chapters. **__**So, big thank-you to everyone for the reviews and support.**__** Your feedback has been amazing. And just on a funny note, two reviews in a row for the last chapters used the term 'more longer chapters I say,' which I thought was hilarious.**_

_**I know everyone is getting frustrated that they haven't talked yet. It seriously wasn't supposed to be so delayed, but the story just story of wrote itself like this. They will talk soon, I promise.**__** Thanks for sticking with me. **__**It was supposed to be this chapter, but I felt the story needed an upbeat chapter before it, and I loved writing this chapter.**_


	21. Avalanche

In the early hours of the morning, Derek found himself inexplicably awake. He lay still for several minutes, listening to the gentle breathing coming from the woman wrapped tightly in his arms, and revelled in the feeling of the barely noticeable expansion within his arms with every breath she took. He smiled at the familiar smell of lavender, his nose buried deeply into her hair. Derek felt more rested that he had felt for two weeks. The simple act of sleeping with her back in his arms had done wonders. He shifted, tightening his arms as he pulled in closer, his right leg stretching between hers to optimize contact; every additional square inch of skin touching, the better. He just wanted to feel her right now, to know she was still here. Even in her unconscious state, she shifted to accommodate him. Her breathing changed for several cycles, and he was afraid she was going to wake up, but she relaxed once again, her breaths evening out.

Derek took a deep breath and smiled as he settled his forehead against the back of her head, happy to just hold her as she slept. He would never get tired of doing so. He liked to think that it proved that she trusted him, that she would stay asleep in his arms, even as he shifted. And she looked so peaceful when she slept. It broke his heart that he couldn't remember ever seeing her so relaxed, so vulnerable, while she was awake. But he was determined that one day, she would trust him like this while she was awake. He would make it happen, would prove his love and devotion, no matter how long it took. If she would let him, he would do anything for her. He would fix everything he had broken, and he would prove she could trust him awake as much as she obviously did while she slept.

He simply couldn't believe how much he loved her. It hit him on a different level than anything with Addison ever had. Not that his marriage had been false; they had loved each other, and it had worked for quite a few years before the start of a gradual decline that dropped off the moment Addison had slept with Mark. With Meredith, however, Derek actually, physically ached for her. When she hurt, he hurt. When she was sad, he was sad. When she smiled, he smiled. It was as if he had been conditioned to feel whatever she was feeling. With Addison, he had comforted her when she was upset, but he hadn't actually known what it was like to feel someone else's pain until now; until Meredith.

Derek closed his eyes, breathing her in as she lay there, unaware, trusting. He wanted to remember what this felt like, just in case. He wasn't one to be sentimental, but this was definitely a moment he wanted to remember; not that he didn't want to remember every moment spent with her, he just felt it with this moment in particular. He just loved her so much.

His mind was slowly growing foggy again, after spending weeks without sleeping for more than a minimal number of hours, it was pushing for more sleep now. And the thought of falling back into near oblivion brought a smile to his lips. To simply let the world fall away, the only thing keeping him grounded being the woman in his arms. He sighed happily, allowing himself to drift back down into sleep.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Derek groaned, his foggy mind instantly clearing at the realization of the annoying noise. He groaned and immediately chastised himself for forgetting to turn off the alarm the night before. And the horrible beeping sound made it so much worse. They usually set the alarm to music, as Meredith had mentioned she much preferred it as a way to wake up. It was far less jolting. But, when she had been gone, he had switched it back to the buzzer, to ensure he got up in the morning. Not sleeping well didn't go well with getting up early, and being jolted awake was the only way he could ensure he would wake at the appropriate time.

At least neither of them had to be in today. The interns were given the day off to recover from their first shift, which meant their residents were off as well. With the interns being required to work so many hours, there was no reason their residents should be working when they weren't, especially in the first few weeks and months as they were still learning the basic rules. And Derek, having been in every day for almost three weeks, purposely scheduled himself the day off, knowing she would have it off.

He quickly pulled away from Meredith, reaching towards the alarm clock on the table beside him to turn off the noise before she woke up. But it was too late. A groggy Meredith rolled towards him, blinking sleepily.

"What timesit?" She mumbled, pulling close to him, burrowing her head into his chest.

"Early," he answered, wrapping his left arm over her shoulders. She responded by shifting upwards to lay her cheek on his shoulder, her left arm sprawling across his chest. He smiled and closed his arm over her, pulling the covers up to keep her warm. "I forgot to turn off the alarm," he whispered. "Go back to sleep," he commanded gently, placing a kiss on her forehead.

Meredith sighed against his neck, the gentle puff of warm air making him shiver slightly. "Okay," she muttered happily.

He smiled as her breathing began to even out once again, as he gently rubbed his hand up and down her back, putting his own mind at ease she responded to his touch and her body slackened. Meredith's breathing was just returning to the deep, sleep indicating breaths from before, when she tensed.

"What?" He asked quietly, his head tilted to the side, speaking into her hair.

She sighed against him, raising her head off its perch on his shoulder. "Great," she muttered. "Now I have to pee."

He snorted as she rolled over him, heading into the bathroom. After a minute he heard the toilet flush and then the sink running for a length of time. When she returned to bed she rolled back over him, quickly resuming her position on his chest, he could smell mint. He smiled.

She was laying close, her head resting comfortably on his shoulder, though not pressed into his neck like before, and her legs were quickly entangled with his as she drew shapes along his chest with her left hand. After a few moments, he claimed the roaming hand with his own and they lay quietly together.

"Morning," he finally broke the silence. Obviously they weren't getting back to sleep.

"Morning," she answered with a happy sigh, squeezing his hand. "This is stupid," she grumbled.

"What?"

"It's like six in the morning and we both have the day off."

He smiled and shrugged awkwardly from his position. "But we've been sleeping since nine last night."

"True," she stated, stretching her limbs out around him. "At least it's nice to be up in the morning. It's quiet." She said, turning her body slightly so that she could prop her chin up on his chest and look him in the eye. She had a point. No one was working this morning, so her roommates were taking advantage of the free time to catch up on sleep. There was no banging in the kitchen below them, no footsteps outside their door, no muffled sounds of Alex and Izzy once again fighting over the bathroom. It was simply quiet.

Derek smirked. "We could make it not-so-quiet." He raised an eyebrow. He was rewarded with the sound of her laughter as she rolled her eyes at him.

"How is it guys can make anything dirty?"

He shrugged again. "It's a gift."

She kept laughing, laying her head back down on his shoulder. "Why _do_ I put up with you," she muttered sarcastically.

Derek froze. He knew it was supposed to be a joke, and he wanted to be able to simply laugh it off, mutter something in his defence and move on to a new subject; but he couldn't prevent the way his heart tightened with her words, the way his throat went dry and his chest felt like it had dropped out of his body. He couldn't help but feel like he was living with her on borrowed time. He rubbed his hand up and down her back, trying to act normal as he raced for an appropriate response, but it was too late. She had noticed his reaction, and was turning once more to be able to look up at him.

One look into her eyes and he knew there was no way he could talk himself out of this one. There was no way she would let their talk go any longer. She looked concerned, and worried, and yet determined. It was now or never.

"Derek..." She said softly, and it was she needed to say, all he needed to hear.

He nodded in response, indicating he understood. They needed to talk. They would talk.

She lifted her small body completely off him, shifting into a sitting position while he sat propped up against the headboard. She crossed her legs and moved to sit as close as she could, echoing their position from only two weeks prior. She reached for his hands and squeezed them, motioning for him to begin. And she still had a horribly concerned expression masking her features,which had been serene and relaxed such a short time before.

But he remained silent, having no idea where to begin; what to say first. He needed to say so much. He needed to apologize so much. And most importantly, he needed to convince her to stay with him once he got everything out. He needed to convince her he was going to change. And he had no idea how to do that, only that if he failed, he lost everything.

"Derek?" She questioned him after he had been silent for some time.

He met her eyes. "I don't even know where to start."

She tilted her head, her eyes conveying her worry. "How about the beginning?" She supplied.

He almost laughed. "I don't even know where the beginning is..." He sighed, looking at her again and he shook his head at just how lucky he was to have her in his life, just how amazing she really was. She was his beginning.

"You really are amazing, you know?" He whispered.

She straightened her head. "What? That's not..."

He smiled. "You're amazing," he repeated. "An amazing person. An amazing surgeon. You're going to do great things, I just know it."

"Derek-" She tried to cut in, but he shook his head.

"You're going to help so many people." He spoke almost proudly, before shaking his head. "And I almost took that away."

"What? No. Derek, you didn't take anything away."

"You had such a horrible year, and when I think back to before the test, to how upset you were. Meredith, I just knew that if you didn't pass the test, if you convinced yourself you were going to fail... If you hadn't passed, you wouldn't have gone back."

Meredith paused; her grey-green iris's shifting back and forth slightly as she obviously tried to bring forth memories of that painful day. "Maybe you're right, Derek," she finally conceded. "If I had failed, I probably wouldn't have gone back." She admitted. "I wouldn't have been able to do it again."

"You would have given up on a career you are so perfectly suited to." It wasn't a question, just a statement; no blame, no judgment, just a statement. He hadn't needed her to confirm anything. He had already known.

"But I didn't fail," she said. "I didn't fail because of you. The fact that you had faith in me, Derek... It made me have faith in myself. You knew to stop the fake studying, and you knew exactly what I needed to hear. You got me into the mindset I needed, and it worked. I passed..." She trailed off, obviously not knowing what the problem was.

He sighed. "I shouldn't had to have talked you up, Meredith. You shouldn't have needed that."

She scrunched her face, obviously trying to understand. She knew not to be hurt by his words, he wasn't blaming her for not being strong enough. But why did he seem to be blaming himself? "Susan had just died. Thatcher yelled. I shut down. Derek, that had nothing to do with you."

"I still pushed you to get close to them."

She rolled her eyes. "Are we seriously going back to this? Derek, just because you supported me trying to get to know them doesn't make any of this your fault."

He closed his eyes for several seconds. "If it was a one time thing, maybe..." He opened his eyes, conveying his grief and frustration to her as he met her gaze. He sighed sadly. "Meredith, I have made decision after decision that has involved you, that has hurt you."

"That's not true..." There were tears forming in her eyes.

"But it is true," he stated, dejected. "How many times have I hurt you this year?"

"Derek..." She begged.

"How many times have I lied to you?"

She remained silent, tears streaming down her cheeks, still gripping his hands tightly.

"Maybe she was right..." he finally whispered.

"Who?" Meredith asked quietly. She looked completely lost, like the conversation, and the world, was passing her by. Try as she may, she just couldn't catch up with his thoughts.

He ignored her question. "Maybe I am just this horrible thing that _happened_ to you. I've certainly caused plenty of damage." He spoke heatedly. "I'm the reason you almost failed. I 'm the reason you were unfocused."

It was the last term he used that made her realize of just whom he had been speaking. "No." She said sternly. "No, absolutely not. Don't even go there." They had never discussed what Ellis Grey's words to him had been on that fateful day barely a month prior, but now she was sure she knew exactly what had been exchanged.

He looked up at her tone. "Meredith-"

But she was shaking her head. "Don't go there," she repeated. "Derek, my mother has ruined every relationship I've ever had, or tried to have. If anyone has damaged me, it was her, not you."

"But I did," he said, and his painful tone quieted her. "I damaged you. I hurt you. And not just once." The tears welling in his eyes began to spill over, one at a time drifting slowly down his cheeks. "I hurt you again and again."

"That's not true-"

"It is true!" He exclaimed, leaping off the bed, unable to sit so close to her, unable to accept her support when he knew he didn't deserve it. "It is true." He repeated as he began to pace back and forth along the side of the bed, leaving Meredith sitting alone, staring at him. She had turned to face him, but hadn't said anything.

"How many times did I stand there and smile when you asked about my life? Huh? How many times did you ask for details? And I took you out to the trailer, and I told you things about my life, and you looked so happy to be there with me... and I just couldn't tell you about Addison. So, I asked you take it on faith. And you did. You trusted me. And I was lying right to your face the whole time. I can't even figure out how I justified it to myself."

"Derek..." She began, but her voice trailed off. He knew she had nothing to say. He had no excuse, and it was worthless for her to stand up for him.

"You trusted me right up until the point where my wife walked up to us and introduced herself. After _months_, Meredith. _Months_." He shook his head as if he couldn't believe he had let it go so far. As if he was just now realizing how stupid he had been. "And how many times did I tell you I was getting the divorce? And you put yourself out there. You put everything on the line. You asked me to pick you. You told me that you loved me. And I betrayed that..." He trailed off before looking her right in the eye for several moments, contemplating. "You've never done the relationship thing before?"

She shook her head, unsure of where he was going, but her eyes gave away her wariness. She knew he was well aware of her relationship inadequacies and inexperience.

"And you'd never said that before, had you?" His voice cracked as his breathing shuddered. He already knew the answer. Had just suddenly known it one day. Had suddenly, out of the blue, realized just how badly he had screwed up. No one waits that long to say it when they don't mean it. And no one should finally say it, to not have it reciprocated. And other things had suddenly made sense. George hadn't been too weak, he had told Meredith how he felt.

She met his eyes for several seconds before gently shaking her head. "No," she whispered, looking away.

His jaw tightened. He had known, but having her clarify it was harder than he expected. Because now she knew that he knew. Why hadn't he just said it back? He had certainly felt it. Instead, he had left her, destroying what should have been a magical moment of their first I love yous. Her first I love you ever. He had destroyed it. He had pulled the beating heart out of the chest, dropped it on the floor and stomped on it, turning his heel as he mashed it into the ground in a final effort to avoid it ever becoming whole again.

"And I went back to her." He forced himself to continue. "I moved her out here to Seattle. Don't think I don't know how much slack you took from the rest of the hospital, even if I ignored it at the time. And even though I was in love with you, I made a go with Addison, even though I had no reason to, even though I didn't really want to. Hell, I even told her I had fallen in love with you. But I never told you."

Her eyes jumped back up in surprise. "You told Addison..?"

He sighed and stopped pacing. "I told her at Christmas." He shook his head. "I knew I had made the wrong decision, but I let it happen anyway. I strung you along for months. I was selfish, completely caught up in my own problems. You almost died, and I _still_ didn't do anything. I couldn't stand being away from you, so I forced you into a friendship you didn't want. I was jealous of you trying to move on, trying to be happy. I called you a..." He couldn't even say the word.

Derek felt utterly defeated. The talk was very much not going the way he had hoped. Everything he had been repeating over and over in his mind over the past weeks sounded so much worse out loud. He sighed, dropping his eyes towards the floor. "Have you ever woken up one day and realized you just aren't the person you thought you were?" He asked, but they both knew it was a rhetorical question. "I'm a surgeon. A good surgeon. And I know that. I laugh at the pompous, arrogant, self-involved stereotype, and even play it up, but I never realized I actually fit it."

"No, you don't."

He nodded, collapsing back onto the bed beside her, pulling one leg up to rest his hands on, leaving the other dangling over the edge, his foot resting on the floor. "Yeah, I do. I was so focussed on myself, that I didn't even see you. Not really. But now it all makes sense. You were dealing with so much, and I should have been there with you. I could have been there when you met your dad, or when you found out about Susan and Molly. I should have been there the whole time. And if I wasn't such an ass, I would have been."

"Derek, nothing would have stopped Susan from dying. Nothing would have prevented the crap that came with Thatcher this year. From the first time I looked him up and showed up on his front porch... it was like an avalanche. Out of control. Nothing could have stopped it."

"But I still could have been there for you. Then you wouldn't have..."

"Slept with George?" She supplied.

He sighed and leapt up again, unable to sit still and have this discussion. "It's not just George. I get it. The whole thing. Everything you did last year makes so much sense now. The guys at the bar?"

She cringed, but stayed silent.

"You were looking for something." He spoke. "And it worked once."

She looked up and met his eyes and he knew he had assumed right. She had found love at Joe's once, why not again?

"It was my fault, and I still called you a whore. You are not a whore." He spoke very clearly, meeting her eyes head on.

She nodded, a fresh batch of tears readying in her eyes.

"Everything makes sense," he repeated. "I chased you, and I left Addison, and I asked you to pick me. And you did, but I wasn't ready. And I made you wait. And then I wondered why you didn't trust me?" He scoffed at himself and began pacing. "I knew you were new to the relationship thing, you kept telling me you were. But I just expected you to know things. I expected you to talk, even though you had absolutely no reason to trust me. And then I-"

"Then you what?" She asked quietly.

"I failed you. I got distracted by the chief thing. And I was tired, and you told me what your mother said to you. You were open, and you told me, but I didn't tell you. I never told you what she said to me, why I treated you like I did. And you... I almost lost you. I failed you. And I failed your mother. I couldn't save either one of you. And I swore to myself that I would never let anything like that happen again, but then I smothered you. And you started to pull away because of it, and I wasn't there for you."

"You were..."

He shook his head. "Meredith, I made love to you, and then drove you from my bed without going after you. I didn't show up. I promised I would always, but I didn't show up. That's not forgivable." He cringed; remembering the night, where he had simply lain there, staring up at the raindrops hitting the sky light above him while she rushed to pull on her clothes, and sprinted from the trailer. He had heard the door shut behind her and then her car door, but the delay between her getting in her car and actually starting it and driving away had been long. Very long. She had given him a chance to chase her, a chance to show up. And it killed him to realize she had probably sat there for ages, crying until she gave up hope and drove home feeling completely rejected.

"I told you I wouldn't breathe for you anymore, so you went to your friends, because they had always been there. And then I got jealous that you weren't coming to me."

Meredith sat on the bed, legs bent up in front of her with her arms wrapped tightly around them. Tears were now freely streaming down her face, and she remained silent. There wasn't any reason to argue. He had figured it out. She hadn't been giving up on their relationship; she had been struggling to figure out what he wanted from her. And she had done everything she though he had asked of her.

"I drove you away time and time again. Looking back, I can't even believe what I did."

She rested her chin on her knee, silent, staring at him as he stopped pacing and stood in front of her, arms wrapped over his torso, protective. "So, yes, Meredith. I made this year a living hell for you. I almost got in the way of you becoming the surgeon you deserve to be. If I had never come to Seattle, your life would have been so much better. No one would have compromised your position, you wouldn't have been the subject of hospital gossip for months, you wouldn't had to have dealt with heartbreak after heartbreak..." He trailed off.

"Derek, so much happened that had nothing to do with you..." She finally spoke again.

"You would have met a family you hadn't known about before," he conceded. "Assuming Molly would have been transferred to Grace without Addison working there, of course, which was my fault again. You would have dealt with it however you wanted. And Susan still would have died." He admitted. "But no one would have pushed you. You still would have held a bomb in your hands. Your mother would still have been lucid and you still would have been pushed off the pier, but you wouldn't have had any reason to give up."

Meredith shook her head at his last point and she spoke again, her voice low, whispering, but not weak. "No, no that's not right. Derek, without you, I..." She trailed off, meeting his eyes, suddenly looking very determined, very sure. "Without you, I wouldn't have had any reason to fight back."

Derek disagreed, quickly resuming his pacing. "I'm the reason you gave up."

"No!" She exclaimed jumping if the bed. "No." She repeated as she approached him quickly, grabbing his arms in her small hands and forcing him to stand still and listen to her. "Derek. You aren't the reason I gave up. She's the reason I gave up. You-" Her voice cracked.

"I made you give up." He tried to pull away from her grasp, but she held on tight.

"No." Her voice was rising. "You are the reason I came back!" She yelled at him, suddenly not caring how early it was, or how much of her conversation was reaching her roommates prying ears. "My mother was lucid and she said horrible things. And she got to me, and to you. And I saw my whole life how she saw it. A big, fucking disappointment! I let her get to me. I believed her, that everything I had done so far in life was wasted, because I was still ordinary.

"Derek, do you have any idea what I said to her to piss her off so much? She asked what my life was like, and I actually thought she cared to know. So I told her about you! I told her how happy I was with you. I told her how great it was to be with someone I really loved. I told her I felt like I knew who I was now. Because being with you makes me happy, no matter the crappy stuff! And she called me ordinary, because less than a year into my residency I hadn't chosen a god damned specialty!" She stopped for several seconds, breathing hard before continuing in a lower voice. "That's why I gave up, Derek. That's why for one second, for one stupid, fucking short second, I wondered if she was right. I wondered if I really was just ordinary, if everything that I felt for you and all I had accomplished in life was worthless, if I should just give up trying to be more. And then it was too late. Then it was over." She swallowed hard before continuing. "You gave me a reason to come back, Derek."

She released his arms, pulling away quickly to retreat to her previous spot on the bed. She curled up her legs again, her arms wrapped protectively around them, tears falling freely down her face, as she shook with left over emotion.

Derek stood stock still, watching her carefully, almost as if he was dissociating with his body. He felt unable to move or speak. They had never discussed the accident past his accusations that night in the trailer. He had blamed her, and he had blamed himself, but he had never thought of it how she was now putting it. He had no idea that her mother, in one short argument, in one small, insignificant period of time, had the ability to make her daughter doubt everything about her life, including herself.

"You didn't fail me, Derek, or my mother. She wanted to die. There's no way you could have saved her. But you did save me. I wanted to live, and you saved me. You pulled me back." She shook her head. "I don't know what you're looking for here, Derek. Yes, the last year sucked in a lot of ways. And yes, you hurt me. But you are not that person, Derek. You aren't the person you're convincing yourself you are.

"Your wife cheated on you with your best friend. That entitles you to have some issues too. You hid things from me because you were scared. And you went back to her because you felt obligated. It sucked, Derek. And it hurt, but I get it. You didn't ever do anything to purposely hurt me. And you walked away before I picked you, so that's not all your fault. We took some time and started over. And it wasn't perfect, and maybe it was a bit rushed, but it was good for a while. Then crappy things kept happening, and we didn't talk, but we figured it out." She was still shaking as she finished. "We figured it out." She repeated. "We staring talking, and we were getting back on track. I thought we were getting back on track."

Derek took a deep, shuddering breath, and unable to watch her shake in front of him anymore, approached the bed. He sat down as far back as he could beside her and placed a hand on her quivering back. She shuddered and leaned in to him, resting her head on his shoulder, but didn't remove her arms from around her knees. Eventually she stopped shaking under his hand.

"What if I am that person?" He finally asked in a whisper.

She raised her head, meeting his eyes from only inches away. She shook her head. "You aren't." She stated simply.

He sighed. "I feel like a horrible person, like I've been lucky to get away with it so far, but any day now, you're going to wake up and realize who I am... And then I'm going to lose you forever." His voice cracked.

He watched Meredith's beautiful grey eyes fill with tears as she watched him helplessly.

"You have given me so many chances. I just feel like this is the last one and I've destroyed it." He admitted, unable to meet her expressive eyes anymore. He felt broken inside. Absolutely broken, unable to mend the picture he had had of himself into anything worth caring about. He hadn't even realized how much he had screwed up until he had admitted it all. He hadn't realized how pathetic he had become. Where had he gone wrong in life to end up this person? He didn't deserve her, he didn't deserve another chance.

But then there was movement beside him and her arms were around him, pulling him into her warm body while he cried. He welcomed the contact, gripping at her arms as she pulled him down and rocked him gently, whispering soothing noises. And he cried. He cried for his mistakes, he cried for hurting her, he cried for almost losing her forever. He cried for the person he had set out to be in life, for person, the sense of self he had lost along the way. He cried. And she held him.

Even after the tears had stopped, after she had stopped whispering phrases to calm him down, Derek stayed where he was for several minutes, still gripping tightly to her arms. And she made no move to pull away.

When he was finally ready, he let go of her arms and sat up, looking away as he brushed his hands against his face, suddenly embarrassed.

But Meredith wouldn't have it. She reached out and hooked her fingers under his jaw, turning his head back to look at her, using her other hand to wipe his tears. It was the first time that he noticed she was crying to.

"We make quite a pair, don't we?" She finally asked lightly, through her own snuffles.

He smiled, but didn't speak, still unable to.

She sighed, staring into his eyes. "Derek, I really haven't done this before, and I don't know what the protocol is supposed to be here, but I also know that I didn't know how to do any of this a year ago. You've taught me how to be in a relationship. Derek, you taught me how to love someone, how to be loved. And I do love you, Derek. I love you so much. So much. We still have a ton to work out, I get that. And I still have a lot to learn, especially about what happens when the relationship leaves this point. But I'm positive it will be you to teach me then. I'm not giving up ever again. So, you said that you feel like this is your last shot? Let's make it our last shot. Let's make it the chance that sticks. No giving up, no walking away, no excuses. Let's make it work this time."

He swallowed several times, trying to comprehend that she was still here, offering him a future. "I don't want to hurt you again," he whispered.

She smiled. "But you will, right? We both will. That's part of being in a relationship? We'll both make mistakes, and we'll fight and say things we don't mean, but we'll get through it, and we'll talk about it. It can't all be smiles and roses right? Then there wouldn't be make-up sex?"

He actually allowed a smile at her words, and staring into her eyes, he knew that she really did trust him. She really did believe in him. And she still really did want to be with him.

"Why?" He whispered, unable to comprehend why she was still here voluntarily.

She smiled softly, knowing exactly what he meant by his question. "You are a good person, Derek. I have faith in you. And I have faith in us. When I told you, that when I met you I thought I was done, that I had found the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with? I still mean it. I still feel it. We got sidetracked. That's all. I still want it."

Derek took in her words, and allowed himself to begin to hope that she really was here saying these things. She actually wanted a life with him. "Really?" He asked quietly.

She smiled brightly, removing all remaining doubts he had about her intentions. "Absolutely."

He felt a weight lift off his shoulders at her words. "I love you so much, Meredith, and I promise I'm going to be better. I'm going to make you happy."

"You already do."

He smiled at her, grateful for her encouragement. "I promise you, you aren't going to regret this." He said. "We're going to talk, and we're going to be happy, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life proving you can trust me again."

"I believe you," she whispered, and then her lips were on his, and he was losing himself in the feeling of being in love. And when she pulled him down on top of her, he didn't hesitate. He shifted her body further up on the bed, hovering over her as his lips left her, and began to trail kisses down her jaw line to her neck.

She moaned and buried a hand in his hair, her other hand reaching for the hem of his shirt. His trail of kisses got cut short as she pulled his shirt over his head, and rolled them so she was laying across his body, recapturing his lips in a deep kiss. He fell into the kiss, his hands travelling under her shirt, as he revelled at the feeling of her soft skin under his finger tips. He played them across her back before slowly inching around towards her front.

She tensed at his fingers hit a particularly ticklish spot on her side and she broke the kiss, breathing hard. He smiled at her before sweeping his hands upwards, pulling her shirt off in one easy, practiced move. He tossed the garment away and pulled her back down into the kiss, groaning at the feeling of her skin against his.

He flipped them again, straddling her legs to keep most of his weight off her as his lips continued their assault down her neck and across her chest towards her breasts. His eyes caught sight of the small scalpel hanging around her neck. And he looked up, meeting her eyes. She smiled at him, trusting, loving, and he knew in that moment that he hadn't destroyed everything. He had obviously done something to deserve her love.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered, returning to her lips. He kissed her.

"Derek," was all she said when he pulled away just far enough to stare into her eyes.

"I love you," he spoke, rewarded when she smiled up at him.

"I love you too, Derek." And there was no hesitation in her response. No second thoughts. Then she smirked and the hands that were buried in his hair were pulling him down for another long kiss.

_**AN: Okay, so this chapter totally, and completely, Kicked. My. Ass. I have revised so many times. And it still doesn't feel good enough. I've been building to this for so freaking long, that I guess nothing would feel like enough, but I just feel like I'm forgetting something that needed to be addressed here, but I've completely lost the ability to be objective. This is why professional writers have editors... **__**Ahhh! Lol. So, I hope this answers some questions. I don't like to summarize my chapters in my AN, but I do want to make it clear that Derek was okay when he felt useful, when he felt he was helping. It was when the pressure was off, when Meredith was doing okay, that he was breaking down. Which is why after the week of hell, and he test and everything, she started to noticed something wrong. I'm not sure that was clear, but it was the way I was trying to write it. And there are some things she needs to tell him, and a few lesser important things that were purposely left out here, but will be in the next chapter, sort of like an aftershock type chapter. Lol. Please tell me if things were clear, or**__** if not why? It's the first chapter I've ever actually been nervous about posting. **___


	22. Blackmail

The second time Meredith awoke that morning was very different from the first, which was funny, really, because here she was, waking for the second time, in the same morning, and on the outside very little was different. She was still at home, she was still in her room, in her bed, and Derek was still there with her. And she was waking up in his arms again, albeit this time she wasn't wearing any clothes, but that was really just a small detail. The mechanism responsible for waking her was different. Not the alarm this time, but sunlight, streaming in her window, and slowly encroaching on her eyes, letting her know it must be close to noon. So, on the outside, very little was different. The sun woke her, and she was naked.

On the inside, however, everything was different. She hadn't expected Derek's problems to be so deep, so painful, and she suspected that he hadn't either. But, in a way she was appreciative of their talk, because, as hard as it had been on them, they had gotten everything out on the table. They had discussed what needed to be discussed, and had even gone so far as to make plans for the future. Not concrete plans, but plans; expectations. And even though it was still a little scary, the whole thinking about the future and putting yourself out there thing, it was one of the best feelings in the world. Because here they were with plans. Plans that she had played a major role in implementing. Her old self wouldn't believe it.

Meredith Grey had actually had a real, adult conversation. She had talked, and she had listened. She had made suggestions, and had countered claims that weren't true. And most importantly, she had supported her partner when he had needed her. And she hadn't run away, not even metaphorically. Meredith Grey had made it through an adult conversation, and she was okay, and her partner was okay. And now they had a future to plan for. This really wasn't _one_ of the best feelings in the world; it was _the_ best feeling in the world.

The relatively shallow breathing against the back of her neck told her Derek was already awake. She smiled and turned in his arms, coming face to face with him.

"Morning again," she whispered, pressing her lips against his.

"Morning again," he responded with a smile, reaching for her hand and threading his fingers through hers. He looked happier than she could remember seeing in a long time. His eyes were free of the pain she had become accustomed to over the past weeks, and the sparkle had returned in full.

"This is a much better way to wake up," she said, pressing her naked body into his.

He smirked. "It is a much better way to wake up. We should wake up like this every morning."

She laughed. "We should."

He smiled and they spent several moments just happily staring at each other.

"You good?" Meredith finally asked.

He nodded against his pillow with a smile. "Yeah, I'm great." He hesitated before continuing. "Thank-you, Meredith."

"There's nothing to thank me for, Derek. I love you and I want..." But he was shaking his head so she trailed off.

"No, I didn't mean for staying with me, although I gotta say I'm loving that," he said with a smile. "I meant for letting me get everything off my chest. I feel kind of stupid now. I know I overreacted, but at the time... Mer, I just felt like I was..." he trailed off, unable to come up with the right words.

"Drowning?" She supplied.

He didn't flinch, but he did stare at her for several seconds before responding. "Yeah, but you saved me, again."

She smiled at his words. "So, we're doing the talking thing?"

He nodded.

"And the sharing thing?"

Again, he nodded.

"And the openness thing?"

He nodded again, although he sent her a questioning look, having realized she was heading somewhere with this.

"Then I still have some things to explain, or really one particular thing."

"Okay," he said evenly, although she could feel him tense against her.

"Don't worry," she told him. "It's not a new thing, more of an explanation of something I've already told you." She hadn't told him before because she had been scared, scared at what had happened to her, and scared about what it had meant. But now, they had talked, and things were good, and open, and he deserved to know. And it was going to be okay. Even though she was naked, and should be feeling vulnerable sharing these kinds of memories, there was something comforting about their equal state of undress, coupled with the events of that morning, that made Meredith feel like they were in some sort of protective bubble. She could tell him what had happened.

He nodded and propped himself up a bit higher, leaning his head against the headboard, his shoulders on the pillow. And he opened his arm to her. She smiled and wedged herself up against him, pulling his arm closed around her, and gripping tightly to his hand as she did so. Even if she felt able to tell him, it didn't mean it wouldn't be hard for her do actually do so. She still needed his support.

He took an exaggerated breath. "Okay, go." He joked, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

She laughed, grateful for the moment. She laid her head against his shoulder and sighed. "Derek, when I said I came back for you, I meant it...literally." She paused, and waited to see if he would respond, but he remained silent. So she continued.

"And, trust me, I know the science, Derek. I know that neurotransmitters do weird and wonderful things when people die, and ketamine ends up increases dopamine and everything. I know that, I do. And I accept that what happened to me may well have simply been a trick of the brain, but whether it was real or not, I had a real death... whatever. And I've thought about it, a lot, and I realized that whether or not it actually happened, it still _happened_, you know?" She barely paused after her question, not even giving him a chance to respond. "I still had to admit things to myself, and I still made the decision to come back." She pulled her head off his shoulder and craned her neck to look at his face. She needed to know what he was thinking. He stared right back at her, evenly meeting her gaze. He didn't look alarmed, merely thoughtful, wondering. "I made a concerted decision to fight, Derek. I chose to come back. I chose to live. And you were the main thing I was fighting for." She turned her head back and resumed resting is against his shoulder. "I need you to know that. Whether I was fighting with the afterlife, or just my own brain chemistry, or whatever in-between, I _chose_ to be here. To keep living. To come back to you."

He tightened his grip around her, and remained silent for several seconds, silent and contemplative. Finally he pressed his lips against the top of her head. "Was it real to you?" He asked softly.

She nodded against him.

"Then that's all that matters."

She smiled at his words, at the support inherent in his words. He breathed and rested his cheek along the top of her head.

"You want to tell me about it?" And there was no pressure, no hurry.

She took a deep breath. "One second I was in the water. And I... stopped swimming," she said, using his term for it. "I fought for a long time, but then I stopped, for just a second, and I went under. Just like that. I didn't even have time to start swimming again. One second I was going under, and the next I woke in the hospital, in a trauma room. But it was almost empty, almost no equipment. Only people."

"Who?"

"Denny," she told him. "Denny and Dylan."

"Dylan?" He questioned, though there was familiarity to his tone, like he knew the name, but couldn't place it.

"From the bomb squad."

"Right," and his body tightened more, as if he still wanted to protect her from the events of that horrible day.

"So, basically they told me I was dead. And I told them it was the ketamine-neurotransmitter thing. And we argued, and they argued," she added with a small smile. "Oh, and then I told them that, no offence, but if I was really dead, the first person I would want to see would be Doc. And then he jumped up on the gurney with me."

"You saw Doc?" Derek asked.

She smiled and squeezed his hand. "Yeah. He stayed with me a lot. And my mom's old scrub nurse Liz was there, and... Bonnie was there too." She could tell by his reaction that he remembered Bonnie. "So, we were in the hospital, but it was empty except for us. And they kept trying to get me to talk about what happened, but I didn't want to. And Bonnie had this thing where she kept bleeding and she's pass out and then she'd just disappear. It was like she was stuck there, and Denny too. But Liz and Dylan could leave. Like they had, I don't know, no unfinished business or something. Dylan actually told me that he... he..."

"He what?" Derek asked softly, prompting her to continue.

"He told me that he was okay with what happened. He said that he completed his task, that he saved me." She felt the tears welling in her eyes. Not long after they had gotten back together, a late night movie involving a bomb had spike feelings about the incident at the hospital, and they had discussed everything that had happened that day.

She took a breath and continued. "So, they would go, and Bonnie would disappear after she did her little bleeding thing. So, most of the time it was just me and Denny, and Doc. And it was weird, like time didn't really exist. We'd be talking, and then everyone would be gone, or I'd be someplace else. And Denny kept trying to get me to talk, but I wouldn't. But then he lectured me. He told me I couldn't stay, because Izzy lost him, and George's dad died, and Cristina watched her dad die when she was nine. And then he said that it was a miracle that you exist, that you believe in true love and soul mates-" Her voice cracked and she took a moment to collect herself, not even trying to stop the tears that trained down her face. "And he said that you were waiting for me, and if I didn't go back, it would change you."

He breathed deep behind her, and she didn't have to turn around to know he was crying. She squeezed his hand and pulled herself as close to him as she could get.

"And then we were in the hallway between OR 1 and 2. I was sitting on the floor against an empty shelf, and Denny was sitting against the wall across from me. And Doc was lying with his head in my lap. And I admitted that I stopped swimming. Then Denny did this thing, where he smiled and looked all peaceful, and he said that sometimes when people you love are in exactly the same place as you at the same time that you can almost feel them. But all you get is moments." She swallowed, trying to keep her emotions at bay as she relived the emotional experience.

Derek snuggled his head onto hers again, and whispered soothing noises as he rubbed his hand up and down her arm. After a few moments, she nodded and grabbed his hand back into hers. She gripped it tightly, as if it were a lifeline.

"You okay?" He asked softly.

She sniffed. "Yeah, its just...hard, you know, to think about how close I came to..." She shook her head and took a deep breath. "Then Denny and Doc were gone, and I was alone, and the water started coming in. And I ran from the water, and found everyone together, and I wanted to go back, but they said I may be too late. And then I could barely breath, it was like there was no oxygen left in the room. I freaked out about how stupid I was to have had intimacy issues, and that just moments weren't enough. I needed more than just random whiffs of you." She stopped for several seconds, not sure what to say next.

"And then... I saw my mom." She felt Derek stiffen behind her. "She was dressed in scrubs, and she told me I shouldn't be there. Then she... she...she told me I was anything but ordinary and she hugged me and then told me to run. And I did. And I woke up in the ER with Cristina latched onto my feet." She let out a deep, shuddering breath as she finished the story.

"You knew," he said after a long moment of silence.

"Hmm?"

"You knew she was dead, as soon as I walked in to your room. You knew."

"Yeah," she answered. That was one of the things she couldn't justify to herself when she had tried to convince herself it was literally all in her head.

"Yeah," he responded.

Then her breathing hitched and she started crying in full. Derek sat up, pulling her with him, and turned her to face him, hugging her close. "Hey, hey," he whispered into her hair. "It's okay. It's over. You're here." He gently rocked her as she cried. "I love you, Mer. Thank-you for coming back to me." He waited until she cried herself out, but even when she stopped, she remained plastered close to his chest.

"So that's it," she finally mumbled. "My near death whatever in all it's glory."

"Has Izzy ever mentioned feeling Denny in the hospital?" He asked gently.

Meredith shook her head. "I've never asked."

"And Cristina's dad?"

She shook her head again. "The only dad she's ever mentioned was her step dad. I'm kind of afraid to ask about her real dad. Denny said they were in a car accident, and he bled out in front of her while they waited for an ambulance."

"But you haven't asked?"

"I'm kind of afraid to ask. What do I do if it's true?"

Derek obviously didn't have an answer for her, as he remained silent, simply taking to stroking her hair. He sighed. "Thank-you for telling me."

She smiled. "I know I sound crazy, but..."

"You don't sound crazy, Meredith, as you said. Even if it was just neurotransmitters, it meant something to you. That's all that matters."

"Thank-you," she whispered into his chest.

He smiled into her hair. "It's what I'm here for."

000

Meredith was smiling as she pushed her way through the door into the kitchen in search of coffee. After laying together for close to an hour, she and Derek had finally decided to vacate the safe haven of the bedroom.

"Hey," Izzy said lightly from her spot at the table, newspaper sprawled out in front of her.

"Hey, Iz." Meredith greeted her roommate as she hit the on button on the coffee maker.

"Sorry, I just had the last cup," Izzy apologized, motioning to the mug serving as a paperweight on the newspaper.

"No prob," Meredith wandered over and collapsed onto the seat opposite of Izzy. "I can wait." She rested her chin in her palms, supported by her elbows up on the table, and debated which section of the paper to steal. But Izzy was eyeing her. Not an 'I'm watching you, don't touch the paper, I got it first,' look but an 'I want to say something, but I'm not sure if I should' look. Meredith tilted her head. "What's up?"

Izzy hesitated, obviously realizing her motives hadn't been quite as transparent as she had believed. "Oh, well, I... uh, I was just wondering if everything was okay?"

"Okay?"

"Yeah, I heard yelling this morning, a lot of it, and not good yelling if you know what I mean. And it was really early, so I just hope that everything is okay, that you and Derek are okay."

Meredith smiled. "Everything's fine, Iz."

"Oh, okay that's great," she answered, but sounded unsure.

"Derek and I are fine, and not Meredith fine, actually fine. Great in fact. We just had some things to work out."

"But you guys seemed to be doing really well before the anti-honeymoon thing. Oh, was he mad at you for leaving?"

Meredith shook her head. "No, nothing like that. We actually weren't fighting, just had to... I don't even know what to call it... have a real adult conversation. And we did. And everything's good."

Izzy smiled. "Good. I'm glad, because nothing else is allowed to change around here, at least for a little while."

Meredith laughed at her roommates words. "Agreed. Life has been far too crazy lately for my taste."

"Yeah," Izzy agreed, but her smile didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Okay, now it's my turn. Is everything okay with you?"

Izzy looked up, surprised. "Fine. Everything's fine. Why?"

Meredith shook her head, now she knew something was wrong. "Well, to start, Derek told me you basically spent the last two weeks baking enough to open a shop."

"Hey, it's not my fault I had nothing else to do. You and Cristina went anti-honeymooning. Alex took off. And George... wasn't around. And no hospital. I'm not used to having so much free time to do nothing but think... and think..." She trailed off.

"Think about what?" Meredith prompted gently.

Izzy met her eyes, long and hard, contemplative. Then she took a breath and opened her mouth, as if to say something, then closed it quickly, shaking her head. "Nothing important."

"Iz..."

"No, nothing. Nothing important." Her voice had raised an octave and her eyes had taken on a sudden shine as she avoided meeting Meredith's worried gaze.

"What happened?" She questioned, her heart tightening with empathy for her roommate. Izzy had been through so much in the past year. She needed someone to be there for her if she was having problems. And Meredith hadn't been there.

Izzy sighed. "I can't."

"Yes, you can."

"No, Meredith, I really can't talk about it. Not yet."

Meredith sighed, knowing not to push. Izzy was a very open person, so if she was keeping something to herself, she had her reasons. "Okay, we don't have to talk about it, Iz. But I'm here for you, whatever you need, and whenever you need it. I'm here for you, Iz."

"Thank-you."

Meredith felt a smile come to her lips. "That's what I'm here for. But seriously, are you going to be okay?"

Izzy nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good."

There was a creak from the hallway and both girls turned their heads to see Derek push through the doorway, his damp hair still plastered to his forehead. "Morning," he called to Izzy.

"Morning... Derek," she responded after only slight hesitation. It had been a late night conversation that had lead to her beginning to call him by his first name.

_Derek was exhausted. It was close to two in the morning and he was just getting home after working since a little after six that morning, not that he was complaining. Working monster shifts meant he could keep his mind off Meredith more easily. And his body only had to keep up with the lack of sleep for another three days until she got home. _

_He locked his car and made his way inside, unsurprised to be greeted by the sweet smell of baked goods wafting from the kitchen. He closed and locked the front door behind him before hesitating in the front hall. He was so tempted to simply disappear up the stairs and sleep, but was caught in indecision about whether he should check and make sure Izzy wasn't going to burn the house down. Turns out he didn't have to decide. _

"_Dr. Shepherd?" Izzy's voice called from the kitchen and the door swung open, to reveal the normally cleanly dressed surgeon draped in a bright pink apron with splotches of batter and flour marring its color. Add that to the fact that her hair, messily pulled back in a pony tail was covered with a layer of off-white powder and there was a streak of dried batter across her cheek that he was pretty sure she didn't know about, and you've got a woman you'd never guess to be a surgeon. She smiled brightly when she spotted him by the door. "Oh, great! It is you. I heard a car outside. I just tried a new cookie recipe. The second batch just came out of the oven, and they're the best cookies ever, way better than last night's. Come and try!" And she was gone, having disappeared back into the kitchen. _

_Derek groaned to himself, his hand unconsciously going to his stomach. He had lost count of the baked goods he had ingested in the past week. But ever since he had given in and accepted one offer of a muffin for breakfast many days ago, she hadn't let up offering more, and he hadn't been able to say no._

_So, he plastered a smile on his face and entered the kitchen, not even starting at the plates of cookies strewn across every surface and the mound of pots and pans piling up in the sink. He had seen it all many times. _

"_Here, sit," she prompted, pulling out a chair for him and motioning towards the plate of cookies on the table. "Try these. I'm telling you, I've done it. The best cookie recipe ever."_

_Derek sat, cautious not to bump anything off the table. He picked up a still-warm cookie, broke it in half, and slowly raised one half to his mouth, her eyes on him the whole time. He bit down and even he couldn't stop his eyes closing for a moment as he savoured the taste._

"_You're right, Izzy. These are definitely the best cookies I've ever had."_

"_Oh, good! It's not just me then."_

_He popped the second half into his mouth. "Definitely not you. Definitely the best recipe ever. You can stop trying now and sell it for millions and retire early." He joked._

_She smiled at him. "I can't just stop now, Dr. Shepherd. I'm a surgeon. I crave perfection. They may be the best, but they're still beatable."_

_He smiled back at her, unable to prevent her enthusiasm from transferring to himself. He reached for another cookie. She turned back to the oven, pulling out a cooked sheet of cookies and tossing in a new one, and then wandered over to the table, taking a seat across from Derek. _

"_They need five minutes to cool," she told him, reaching for her own cookie. _

"_So, only cookies tonight?"_

_She nodded. "Yeah. I realized that attempting the worlds best recipes were better done one at a time. Keeps you more focussed."_

_Derek laughed. "I like the strategy."_

_She laughed back._

_Derek finished his third cookie and yawned. "Well, I'm going to get some sleep," and he made to get up._

"_No, not yet. Could you just wait a little longer? They're almost cool enough," she motioned towards the cookies sitting on the stove. "And I made them with a little tweak and I need someone objective to compare them to the last batch."_

_Derek hesitated. _

"_Please, Dr. Shepherd?" She begged. _

"_Derek," he corrected._

"_What?"_

"_Derek," he repeated. "It's my name."_

"_Oh, I don't know if..."_

_He smirked. "If you want me to test your cookies, you will call me Derek."_

"_Are you seriously blackmailing me into calling you by your first name?"_

_Derek nodded. _

"_But, you're my boss..."_

"_Izzy, you're not an intern anymore. You're a resident. And if you want to call me Dr. Shepherd at work, that's fine, but at home it's Derek."_

_She hesitated for several seconds before smiling. "Okay, Derek, I'd be delighted for you to stay up and test my cookies."_

"The coffee's almost ready," Meredith called. "Izzy drained the pot, so I had to make more.

Izzy scoffed. "Sure blame the roommate. It's not my fault you didn't drag your ass out of bed until after twelve."

"Hey, it's my day off," Meredith countered as Derek pulled a chair in beside her.

"Says the girl who went to Hawaii for two weeks."

Meredith laughed. "Yes, but two weeks in Hawaii with Cristina? Not the most restful vacation."

"Whatever," Izzy muttered, turning her attention to Derek. "And you, I thought we had an understanding?"

Derek paused, meeting her challenging eyes, knowing she was joking, but unsure as to what the joke was. "What did I do?"

"You told on me!" She laughed. "Derek said you baked every day," she muttered, using a bad impression of Meredith's voice.

"Hey, I don't sound like that." Meredith cut in.

"Well, he still told on me, Meredith. And he's mean," she continued, still talking to Meredith, but staring at Derek. "He totally blackmailed me."

Derek scoffed. "I didn't blackmail you."

"You did so."

"No, I didn't. I traded. You wanted something, I wanted something. We both got it."

"What are you guys talking about?" Meredith questioned.

Izzy answered before Derek could. "Your boyfriend here, blackmailed me. I needed someone to test my next batch of cookies and he said he wouldn't do it unless I called him Derek."

"You used cookie testing as a way to get her to call you by your first name?"

Derek nodded.

Meredith laughed. "I'll have to remember that in the future. And here I've been doing it for free for a year. Just think of what I could get her to do."

Derek laughed at her words and the look on Izzy's face.

"Hey, that's not fair-" She tried to protest, but Derek had swung his arm over Meredith's shoulder and the two of them were laughing at her. She glared at them. "Fine," she stated, "be that way. I don't care. Just remember, next time I need you to test my baking that I still have questionable photos of the two of you. And I won't hesitate to use them." She joked; but was unprepared for Meredith and Derek's reaction.

Meredith felt tears building in her eyes as she laughed, clutching to Derek's shirt after he had turned towards her, laughing just as hard as she. His arm tightened around her shoulder.

"What? What's so funny? Seriously, guys?"

This only made them laugh harder. Meredith now found herself wrapped in Derek's arms, tears streaming freely down her face as she laughed.

"Seriously?!" Izzy demanded.

Meredith breathed, trying to ward of the laughter. It felt good to laugh again. She sucked down a breath. Then two. "Izzy, when was the last time you used your camera?" She asked, her thoughts on the memory card still sitting in the drawer of her nightstand.

"What? Why..." She trailed off, her eyes shifting back and forth swiftly before it hit her. Then she took off from the table, rushing upstairs to check if her theory was correct.

They clearly heard her pound up the stairs and then down the hall to her bedroom. Then-

"Damnit! I hate you guys!" Her muffled scream filtered down into the kitchen.

Derek smiled, pushing himself out of the chair. "Coffee?" He questioned.

"Absolutely," Meredith answered.

_**AN: Okay, so you know what happens when you build to something for so long, and then it passes and then you're like, well wtf do I do now? Yeah, that's kind of what happened with this chapter and why it took so long. The last chapter took so much time and planning, and I always had a plan for this chapter. I really felt Meredith needed to tell Derek about what happened when she was dead, part of the communication thing. And then one more thing was supposed to be discussed, but I was writing it and it felt wrong. After the last chapter, it just doesn't need to be now. So, this should leave us with only one major thing to be discussed still. So the second half of this chapter was pretty much filler, but would have been somewhere anyway. Izzy had to realize about the stolen photo card and Derek needs to be feeling at home. So it was a little awkward, but there was nothing else to finish the chapter. And I'm sorry to say that this story, which was really only originally a oneshot, needs to start winding down soon and I know where I want it to go, just not so much with the how to get there. So, I'm really sorry if updates take a bit of time for the next chappie or two. I just want to make sure everything happens to lead to the end. Thanks for sticking with me for so long!**_


	23. Everyday life

Meredith found she couldn't effectively wipe the happy grin from her face for more than a few minutes at a time. So far her record was somewhere around eight minutes. She would force the happiness from her mind, focus on work, attempt to be an adequate role model for her interns... but then something would happen. Something would remind her of Derek and the happy smile would flutter back onto her face uninvited. She couldn't help it. She, Meredith Grey, was happy. She and Derek had spent the entire previous day together, just happy to be spending time with each other, no schedule to follow. It was nice. They had gone for a walk through the city, and walked along the boardwalk hand in hand. She smiled at the thought.

She sighed as her interns gave her another questioning glance. Only her second shift with interns and she was sure she was already being labelled the crazy resident. Good for her. Her mother would be so proud. Forcing a more neutral expression to her face, she inwardly chastised herself. She needed to be making a better impression on the four individuals she now silently referred to as thing one, thing two, thing three and... George. Because George didn't deserve to be a thing, he was George, and as sorry as she was that he had to repeat his internship, she was glad he was assigned to her. She could honestly say she had the best intern.

"Dr. Myers, can you present?" She prompted her intern. He looked worried and kept sending nervous glances towards Dr. Riley, the upper year cardio resident who was standing, arms crossed menacingly on the other side of the patient. Dr. Riley was practically glowering at her and her interns, his dislike for teaching and hostility towards interns displayed openly. He was almost like Mark in that respect, although Meredith found Mark rather human in comparison to this man. Mark was selfish, Dr. Riley was cold.

"Uh, Dave Alders, post-op day two from a double bypass surgery on Monday-" Dr. Myers' shaky voice was cut off.

"You don't need to say Monday if you just said two." The arrogant surgeon reprimanded as if it were some horrible faux pas, and not a simple repetition. "You're wasting our time."

Dr. Myers gulped, his fellow interns seeming to draw away from him as he tried to regain his bearings. "I'm so sorry, Dr. Riley. I'll try not to-" But he was cut off once again.

"Still wasting my time. If you want to be a surgeon you need to learn to be efficient or you need to go home right now. You're wasting the time of a hospital full of doctors who have better things to do than-"

"Dr. Riley," Meredith heard herself cut in as she suddenly remembered she was in charge of Dr. Myers. "Might I remind you that Seattle Grace is a teaching hospital and it's only Dr. Myers' second day. He's doing fine."

Dr. Riley stared at her in shock, his dark eyes narrowing as she glared right back, refusing to back down. "I don't need some punk second year resident talking to me like that." He spat. "I won't be requiring any help today, Grey." And with that he was striding out of the room.

Meredith rolled her eyes at his behaviour as she turned to face her interns. George was staring at her with something resembling surprise and maybe a little admiration. Thing one through three just looked shocked. Dr. Myers especially looked a little pale. She wasn't about to be nice to her interns, George excluded of course, but she also wasn't about to let some other cocky surgeon yell at them just because he had obviously woken up on the wrong side of the bed that morning.

She turned her attention to Dr. Myers. "Don't let him get to you. Riley is an ass, it's been well established. You were doing fine, it was him that was wasting our time." She turned her attention back to the group. "Lets go, we'll find something else to work on."

As he interns shuffled out the door, she returned the chart to its hook on the foot of the bed and smiled at the patient. "Everything is looking good, Mr. Alders."

"Thank-you, dear," the elderly man responded.

Meredith met her interns in the hall and led them towards the nurses station, keeping her eyes peeled for Callie. An attending she didn't recognize walked past, her eyes only taking in the navy blue scrubs. It reminded her of Derek wearing navy blue scrubs. And then she realised she was smiling again, even as she was cursing at herself for the absurdity of the reminder. An hour earlier the incessant smiling had been triggered by the term 'craniotomy.' She needed to get herself under control before she ended up in psych.

She led her interns down to the main surgical floor, and was relieved to immediately spot Callie in a conversation with another resident at the nurse's station. She approached the desk, making it clear she was waiting for Callie, but not interrupting her conversation. She was unsurprised when thing one, two and three stayed back. George sidled up beside her, glancing around to ensure privacy before he leaned in close.

"Are you high?" He whispered.

"What?" Meredith exclaimed at his question. "What could possibly make you ask me that?" She continued in hushed tones.

George gave her a look. "You've been manic all morning and then you told off a seventh year resident."

"I have not been manic. And Riley deserved it."

"He may have deserved it, but that still doesn't explain why you're manic."

"Riley did deserve it, and I am not manic!" She exclaimed, even while trying to keep her voice low and innocuous to anyone around them.

"You've been weird and smiley all morning. It's creepy."

"I'm happy. Since when is being happy creepy?"

"When it's _you_ being happy." He countered.

"Touché," she admitted. "But it's true."

George was just about to retort when Callie suddenly pushed her way into their conversation.

"What do you need, Grey?" She asked quickly.

Meredith blinked at the invasion, not immediately able to decipher Callie's question.

"Dr. Torres," George cut in, his voice sounding fully professional. "I think it is my duty to report to you that one of your residents is high." There was a twinkle in his eye.

"I am not high, George." She scoffed at him and turned her attention back to Callie. "And I have to report to you that my intern is harassing me."

"I'm not harassing her..."

"Guys!" Callie cut in, her tone exasperated. "I'm sorry, but I so don't have time for your petty argument things. Assuming you're not actually high," she said to Meredith, "Do you actually need anything? Cause if you don't I need you to not waste my time. I'm stressed out of my mind."

Meredith cringed. "Sorry, Callie. We... I need a new assignment. Riley doesn't want our help anymore."

Callie's eyes narrowed at her admission, but she didn't comment. "Fine, there's a patient coming into the pit in five minutes. I just got the page. Go."

"Thanks, Callie."

Meredith stepped away from the desk, her interns jumping to follow her. She smiled. This time not about Derek. This time about the fact that she was a good resident. And her interns were eager to follow her. However, the act of smiling and realizing it was the first time she had smiled that day that hadn't been precipitated by Derek-y thoughts made her think about Derek. And now she was smiling wider. "Damn it," she muttered under her breath.

"What was that, Dr. Grey?" George called almost knowingly from behind her.

"Nothing, O'Malley," she responded, refusing to turn her head to face him. She wouldn't give him the benefit of knowing he had caught her.

0000

Meredith set her tray down on the table between those belonging to Cristina and Izzy, and across from Alex. She collapsed into her chair, her eyes still on George sitting alone across the cafeteria. She had tried to force him to eat with them, but he had refused, apparently wanting to remain in anonymity as long as possible. The simple act of eating lunch with four residents would raise eyebrows. Questions would be asked. And it only took one comment by anyone plugged into the Seattle Grace gossip line for everyone to know his secret.

She sighed, turning her attention to her fellow residents. "This isn't right. George should be sitting with us, not all alone."

She saw Izzy glanced over, her large eyes full of sympathy and concern. "He wouldn't sit here?"

Meredith shook her head. "Doesn't want everyone to know he's repeating yet."

Izzy turned her attention back to Meredith. "Are you sure?"

Meredith paused, her hands holding her sandwich out in front of her, teeth about to bite. "Am I sure that he doesn't want everyone to know? Yes, he told me."

"No, I mean are you sure that's what he doesn't want to sit here?"

Meredith pulled the sandwich away from her mouth, focusing curious eyes on Izzy. Derek had told her Izzy had been baking the whole time she was gone. "Why? What's going on? Are you two fighting again? Cause I thought I heard him come over last night?"

Izzy's eyes grew wide. "What? No. Nothing's going on, we're not...fighting," she swallowed. "Everything's fine. Its fine, you know, it's me and George. We're fine. Good. Fine."

Meredith hesitated. Something was obviously going on, that much was clear, but Izzy looked terrified that whatever it was would be brought up. So she nodded. "Okay, Iz. Just checking."

Alex was staring oddly at Izzy, and Cristina was watching her with an amused expression, as if she would any minute go for the attack. Meredith focused a pointed look on both of them. This was not a subject to be brought up here. But she was going to bring it up soon. Her own life was finally coming together, why shouldn't her friend's life follow suit? And Izzy obviously needed support with something.

"So, I heard you went postal on Riley this morning," Cristina said, effectively changing the subject.

Meredith roller her eyes. "I didn't go _postal_."

"You really pissed him off. He's been ranting all day. My interns won't stop talking about it."

"Mine either," Alex said, and Izzy nodded her concurrence. "You better watch out, or you'll be known as the new intern-lover."

"It may actually be too late for that," Cristina added.

Meredith rolled her eyes again. "I'm not an intern lover. Riley was way out of line."

"So, you really did stand up for you intern?" Cristina asked.

"Well, yeah-"

"Intern lover." Alex cut in. He and Cristina laughed.

"Whatever," Meredith muttered, though she smiled at their antics.

She turned her attention back to her sandwich as Cristina started bragging about the cardio procedure she had assisted with that morning. Alex seemed to be listening intently, and Izzy to a somewhat lesser, but still interested, degree. Meredith, however, found her attention drifting back to the previous day. The day she now regarded as Day 1 of her new life, or the rest of her life, or the second half of her life... or whatever. Day 1. It almost sounded better by itself, more ominous. Or was it actually Day 0, and today was Day 1? Because The Talk had happened yesterday, and today was the first full non-conflict day. She completely closed herself off to Cristina's ramblings as she pondered the thought. She still liked thinking of yesterday as Day 1, because it implicated something special. And today wasn't particularly special. Just a normal day, definitely not Day 1 worthy. Day 2 worthy, but without the capital. Okay, so yesterday was Day one, today is day 2. She nodded to herself, and forced her attention back on to Cristina.

Only a few sentences into trying to catch up with what her best friend was saying, Meredith felt a presence behind her and turned to find Derek approaching their table, coffee in hand.

"Hey," she greeted happily. She had left before him that morning and then he had been in surgery all morning and into the afternoon, so she hadn't seen him since she had dragged herself out of his warm arms in the earlier hours of the morning.

"Hi," Derek responded, smiling warmly at her. There was something different about the tone of his smile that she couldn't put her finger on. He had been doing it since they had woken up the second time the day before. It was completely new. And she loved it.

"Hey, Dr. Shepherd," Alex extended his own greeting, cluing in the rest of the table to his presence.

"Hi, Dr. ... Derek," Izzy stumbled but managed to say.

Cristina shifted her gaze between Derek, Izzy and Alex, as if trying to place where on that continuum she fit, and how she should address him now. "McDreamy," she finally muttered, nodding in greeting.

Meredith snorted and turned her attention back to her boyfriend. "You want to sit with us?"

"Well, I was just planning to get a coffee and get back to my paperwork," he responded, unsure of his place. He obviously hadn't been expecting to bump into them, but hadn't been able to resist saying hi when he had spotted her.

"Paperwork can wait," Izzy cut in before Meredith could respond. And she slid over to a chair closer to Alex, allowing Derek to take the seat next to Meredith.

"Okay, I guess it can wait a few minutes," he responded, taking a seat and pulling his chair closer to Meredith as he did so.

Meredith smiled, thankful to Izzy for making Derek feel welcome. She couldn't do it all on her own, and she didn't hold out much hope for either Alex or Cristina helping out.

"Damn it!" Izzy suddenly exclaimed.

All eyes were on her and Meredith sent her a questioning look.

Izzy glared at both Meredith and Derek. "I forgot I was supposed to be mad at you two."

Meredith almost laughed. "What?"

"Why, were they interrupting your sleep again?" Cristina voiced.

Meredith glared at her, feeling Derek fight back a laugh beside her.

"They stole my card." Izzy told them, ignoring Cristina's question.

"They stole you car?" Alex asked.

"No, my card. My photo card."

Cristina had an evil glint in her eyes. "To take pictures of-?"

"Cristina!" Meredith exclaimed, cutting of her best friend before she had a chance to finish her sentence. Cristina laughed.

"Why would they steal your photo card?" Alex asked, ignoring Cristina and Meredith.

"Because they make mean, card stealing roommates."

"Right..." Meredith spoke. "We're the mean roommates, when you're the one sneaking sleeping pictures of us."

Izzy glared at her for several seconds. "That's so not the point," she finally muttered. "The point is, you two stole my photo card."

"Wait," Cristina butted in. "You stole the card back when we woke you two up?"

"When was this?" Alex questioned.

Cristina turned to him. "After the stupid bachelorette thing. Meredith and McDreamy were sleeping on the couch. Izzy went all lovey-dovey and pulled her camera out. Meredith took her down and stole the camera. Then McDreamy gave it back to her." She turned to Derek. "So, _you_ must have swiped the card. Impressive."

"Thanks," Derek said with a proud nod.

"Especially since you were hung over," Cristina continued. "And you just realized now they had the card?" She asked Izzy.

Izzy shrugged. "I don't usually check to see if the card I put in my camera mysteriously disappeared from my camera."

Meredith laughed. "We gave it back to you."

Izzy mock glared at her. "I'm not talking to you, Grey," she muttered. "You either, Shepherd."

Meredith laughed, rolling her eyes in good humour. She took a sip of her water and leaned closer to Derek, who easily responded by wrapping his arm loosely around her waist. Even he was laughing. And with that, Cristina was back to her story telling about her morning surgery.

"How was your surgery?" Meredith questioned after he cautiously sipped at his coffee.

Derek shrugged. "Uneventful. Very routine."

"That's good."

"Mhh-Hmm," Derek nodded, sipping from his coffee. "What about you? Interesting day?"

Meredith sighed. "I had a little confrontation thing with Dr. Riley, then got a trauma case. It was okay."

Derek regarded her. "Yeah, I heard about the Riley thing."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "How is it everyone knows about it? It so wasn't a big deal."

"A second year resident telling off a seventh year resident? That's a big deal."

"I didn't tell him off, I just..." She trailed off, not able to come up with the right words. "He was being completely irrational. He yelled at Myers for saying 'post op day two from Monday.' Seriously. Who does that?"

Derek laughed. "Dr. Riley is an ass," he whispered. "But don't tell anyone I said that."

Meredith smiled. As an attending, he really shouldn't be voicing those types of opinions with anyone other than the Chief or Riley's department head, but his secret was safe with her.

"I'm proud of you," Derek told her quietly, momentarily tightening the arm around her waist to pull her in close. "You're a good teacher."

Meredith rolled her eyes in good nature. "A good teacher? It's only me second day."

"And look how good you are already," Derek spoke, not missing a beat.

Meredith laughed quietly. He sure was biased. But she loved him for it. He slowly released his added grip on her and she sat fully upright again, still happy to feel the warmth of his arm comfortably around her middle. She felt completely at ease.

"You just have paperwork left for the day?" Meredith questioned.

Derek nodded. "Yup, another hour or two. I managed to get myself caught up in everything while you were away, so I want to try to keep it that way for as long as I can."

"I give you a week," she told him.

He laughed. "That sounds about right." He shrugged. "How about you?"

"I'm off at seven."

He smiled at her. "Do you want to grab dinner or something?"

She nodded at him. "Yeah, dinner sounds nice. But no where fancy or anything. I'm not up to the whole dress up thing or whatever tonight."

He smirked. "Are you up to the whole dress-down thing tonight?"

She gasped at his words and playfully pushed him away. "I can't believe you just said that!" She hissed.

He laughed, tightening his arm so she couldn't pull away too far. "Believe it," he told her, placing a quick kiss on the side of her head. "So, should I pick you up here at seven? I need to run out to the trailer and get my mail. I haven't been there in a while. I can do that while you finish up and then we can get something to eat."

Meredith nodded. "Sounds good."

"Alright then, I need to get back to my office so I don't delay our little plan. I'll see you in the lobby at seven?"

"Yup," she leaned in for a quick kiss.

He smiled and stood after she pulled away. "See you later," he called to the other three occupants at the table.

Alex and Cristina chimed in quick responses. Izzy, however, regarded Derek, her eyes narrow.

"I'll have you know," she told him, shifting her gaze to Meredith and then back to him, letting him know she was including Meredith in whatever she was about to say. "I'll have you know I am planning to buy a lock for my door when I leave tonight. There will be no more stealing of this roommate's prized possessions." She pointed to herself, a sarcastic smile on her face.

Meredith snorted. A dozen comments came to mind, regarding the fact that Izzy's photo card was hardly a prized possession if she didn't even notice it was missing and they hadn't touched anything from her room, but Derek beat her to it.

"I thought you weren't talking to us?" He shot back, a twinkle in his eye.

Izzy sat flabbergasted as she obviously spun to come up with a witty comeback.

Derek laughed, leaning down to press his lips against the back of Meredith's head. "Bye," he said into her hair, and then he was gone. She joined Alex and Cristina in laughing at Izzy's still stunned expression.

"McDreamy so got you," Cristina sputtered.

"Shut up!"

"You totally set yourself up, Iz." Alex added.

Izzy grumbled, glaring at Meredith.

"Hey, don't glare at me. I didn't do anything." She held her hands up in mock surrender.

"Yeah, but you suck," Izzy muttered. She gathered up her things. "You guys all suck." And she stood from the table and strode out of the cafeteria, leaving her friends laughing in her wake.

_**AN: So, just a nice, light, happy chapter. After debating way too much on how to proceed, it finally occurred to me to just sit back and let the chapter write itself, so its a little off the path, but still going to the right place and inadvertently gave me a nice subtle lead in to the next topic I plan to tackle. So all in all, it worked out very well. Also, sorry about the massive delay due to my exams taking precedence over my fanfic, if I ruled the world it would be the other way... although if I ruled the world I wouldn't have exams... Anyway, I would like to point out my seven updates in seven days in my defence and promise the update again soon. Thanks for reading as always.**_


	24. Mail dilemmas

Meredith closed her eyes and breathed in a sigh of relief as she settled herself down into the hospital lobby chair that suddenly seemed much more comfortable than usual. Apart from the whole fourteen hour shift, keeping track of four other people, avoiding Dr. Riley, saving lives, and trying to convince thing one through three, and George, that she wasn't crazy was exhausting. The irrational smiling had diminished to an almost completely controllable consequence of extreme happiness through the early hours of the afternoon, but after her brief encounter with Derek during her late lunch, Meredith had been feeling the edge of her lips twitching habitually once again. And having George ask her if she was high at every chance was ruining her attempts to hide it. She was sure her interns thought she was crazy, but she shrugged it off. They were probably right.

She lifted her wrist and peeked one eye open just long enough to focus on the digits displayed by her watch. It was a little after seven. Derek had left a message on her phone telling her he was running late. He'd missed his ferry and had been forced to wait for the next one. He'd be as quick as he could.

Shifting her body to find a more comfortable position, Meredith actually debated lying down across a row of seats, but she quickly dismissed the idea. People in this hospital didn't need another reason to think she was crazy. So she'd settle for snoozing in an upright position. If her internship had taught her anything, it was how to sleep anywhere and anyhow. But she wasn't actually going to sleep. She just wanted to rest her eyes. Just wanted to let her tired body drift a bit as she recuperated from her day. She wasn't going to sleep.

At the feeling of a hand on her shoulder, Meredith jolted upright, her wide eyes immediately locking with familiar blue ones. "Derek," she breathed, her heart settling back into its rightful place in her chest.

He surveyed her with playful eyes. "So, maybe you aren't up to the whole dress-down thing tonight," he joked.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, but held her tongue. Whatever she said he would be able to twist. If she agreed, he would be right and he would win; if she argued, she'd find herself proving him wrong and he'd still win. Of course she'd be winning too, but she still wasn't going to vocalize anything.

"I wasn't sleeping," she told him as she took his offered hand to pull her up off the chair.

"Of course not," he responded, both his voice and expression betraying his words.

"I wasn't. I was just resting my eyes. I just sat down. I must not have seen you..." She trailed off as she looked down at her watch. It was seven-thirty. Damn. She'd definitely been sleeping.

He was smirking at her when she finally looked back up at him.

"Fine, I was sleeping." She admitted unhappily. "And don't look at me like that, mister my-shift-started-after-yours-and-ended-before-yours-and-now-I'm-making-fun-of-you-for-being-tired."

"When did I make fun of you?" He asked, one eyebrow raised, a smile still playing on his lips.

"Shut up," she muttered, allowing him to rest a hand on the small of her back and lead her out towards the car.

"Are you up to going out tonight?" He questioned as they approached the parking lot, his tone genuine, not sarcastic and joking as it had been before.

She sighed and leaned closer to him as they walked along, causing his hand to hook around her side. "Yeah, I'm looking forward to it." The cool outside air was waking her up.

"You sure?" They were approaching his car and he was shuffling with his other hand to pull out his keys.

"Mmm-hmm," she nodded as she reluctantly pulled away from his warmth to walk around to the passenger seat. "I'll be fine, just need to wake up again. I really didn't mean to fall asleep." The car beeped once as Derek finally managed to extract his keys and hit the unlock button. Meredith pulled open her door, but her eyes caught something through the tinted windows of the back seat of his car. She collapsed into the seat and craned her head around to examine his rear seats. Then she started laughing as he settled himself in beside her.

"How much mail to you get?" She asked him, motioning her head towards the mound of envelopes strewn across the fabric of the seats.

Derek laughed. "Apparently I haven't been out there in longer than I thought." He shrugged and started the car.

Meredith shook her head as she turned her body back around to face the road. They fell into a comfortable silence as Derek navigated the parking lot and hospital roads back out onto the highway. Once most obstacles were successfully manoeuvred around, he silently reached out and grasped Meredith's hand. She smiled at him and squeezed his hand in response, her thoughts filtering back to the pile of unopened mail resting ominously behind her. She knew he hadn't done it on purpose, but maybe some subconscious thing? Or maybe nothing at all. He had probably settled the letters on the passenger seat to rip open at red lights during his drive back, only to toss them unceremoniously into the backseat upon arriving at the hospital. No hidden meaning whatsoever.

She sighed quietly to herself as she gave up debating the possible hidden meanings intrinsic in the mail on the seat behind her, choosing to focus on the sudden issue she had most likely created for herself from scratch. She risked a glance at her handsome driver. He looked content and confident, his blue eyes focussed on the road, save for the occasional glances in his rear and side view mirrors. He really was a careful driver. He definitely didn't look distracted. Definitely didn't look like he was waiting to get a reaction out of her. Okay. So. She breathed. Derek most definitely had no idea what she was thinking right now. He was simply driving along, oblivious to the three ring circus act performing in her mind.

At least it gave her time to think.

But all she could think about was the ominous pile of letters littering the seats behind her.

One part of her was screaming 'there's nothing to think about, just ask!'

But the other part, the part that usually screamed at her to run the other way as fast as she could, the part that was almost always the one that screamed the loudest, that part of her was telling her to slow down. Telling her, not screaming. It said to slow down, to think. So she tried to think. She really tried.

_There's nothing to think about!_ There was the first voice again.

Meredith let out an exasperated sigh.

"You okay over there?" Derek questioned, glancing quickly at her.

Meredith rolled her eyes at herself. She didn't need Derek thinking she was crazy on top of everyone else. "Fine, sorry, just thinking."

"About what?" His question was so light, so innocent, so unknowing. And it would be sweet that he was being dreamy and caring and all he wanted was to know what was going on in her life. It would be sweet if it wasn't the last thing she wanted him to be in on right now.

"Uh, nothing important," she muttered, trying to be inconspicuous.

"Mer..."

She scrunched up her face. Barely thirty-six hours and she was already withholding. Wonderful. One more thing to add to the checklist. Manic. Check! Crazy. Check! Sleeping in the lobby. Check! Withholding from Derek. Check!

"Don't _Mer_ me, Derek. I'm not trying to keep anything from you, I promise. I just... can't even make out what I'm thinking right now enough to tell you. It just hit me, suddenly, out of nowhere, with no warning... which is a stupid thing to say, because seriously, all of those things mean the same thing. And if Dr. Riley was here, he would give me shit for wasting our time by being repetitive. Because man, does that man have a stick up his ass about something. But anyway, I'm getting off topic. I'm thinking. And I will let you in on what I am thinking about when I can properly wrap my head around what I am thinking about."

They had stopped at a red light. Cars on the cross street were ambling by them on their green. Derek was staring at her, an amused expression across his features. He stared at her for several seconds before the corners of his mouth twitched. "When George told me you were high today, I though he was kidding."

Meredith's bottom jaw dropped. "George did what?" Plan to kill favourite intern the following day. Check!

Derek just laughed, turning his attention back to the road as the cross street traffic stopped and the light before them turned green.

"I was so not acting high," she muttered. "Just because a person is happy and wants to smile every once in a while, the person is labelled as high? Seriously?"

Derek chortled and shook his head as he guided the car into the parking lot of their favourite little Italian restaurant. He found a parking spot near the door and pulled in, putting the car in gear and turning of the ignition.

Meredith sighed, squeezing his hand, and smiled when he turned to face her. "Seriously, Derek, I promise it's nothing bad. And I promise I'll tell you when I'm ready."

He smiled warmly at her, leaning across the center console and pressing his lips briefly against hers. When he pulled away, he only pulled back a few inches, keeping his eyes in line with hers. "Mer, if you had just told me you needed time to think the first time, you could have saved a lot of thinking time you wasted rambling. Not that I don't love the rambling. More rambling I say." He smirked.

Meredith huffed at him, playfully pushing him away with her palm against his chest. He laughed as he unbuckled his seatbelt and opened his door. Meredith did the same, stepping out and walking around to meet him on the walkway in front of the car.

He smiled, tilting his body as he held his arm out. She laughed at his exaggerated invitation and hooked her wrist through his elbow, leaning close to him as he led them both inside. Derek had called ahead, so the maitre d' was just checking to see what table they were assigned to. It was only a short delay, no more than a minute. But in that minute, Meredith made her decision. She was telling the second voice to shove it, and she was going with the first voice.

Standing in the foyer of the restaurant, her arms still tucked carefully around his elbow, her side brushing up against his, she made her decision. The first voice was right. There was nothing to think about. She knew what she wanted. He was warm and handsome and dreamy, and amazing and thoughtful and caring. And she loved him. And he loved her. And that was all she needed to know.

And the happy, manic smile was back in all its glory, plastered across her face. Derek gave her an odd look, but chose not to say anything. It wasn't until they were being led to their table, Derek releasing his arm and placing a hand on her back to guide her in front of him as they navigated the tables that it hit her. She knew what she wanted, but how should she go about getting it? And how would it work? Because neither of the two possibilities staring her in the face seemed suitable suddenly.

What did one do at this point in the relationship? Meredith had certainly never been there. She had no idea. And she wasn't supposed to wait for Derek to initiate every step, right? Because that was hardly balanced. Derek could definitely initiate the next one. It was bigger. And she wasn't ready for it yet, but this step she was ready for. Just had to figure out how to bring it up. And it's not like she could ask him, cause that would ruin the moment if she asked him for advice on how to bring the topic up, not to mention ruining the surprise. Was it supposed to be a surprise? Or should it be pretty obvious by now? She would wait for the right opportunity and casually slip it into the conversation. Then it could go either way.

She had a plan.

The arrived at their table and Derek pulled back her chair, ever the gentleman. She smiled and thanked him as she took her seat and he sat across from her. They had been seated at a small table along the edge of the room, near a window that would be giving them an excellent view of Seattle downtown if it wasn't getting dark.

Meredith smiled as the waiter approached their table; she ordered a glass of wine and happily took her menu. Other than the odd comment about the menu and possible food choices, they remained happily quiet as they skimmed through their choices. Their drinks arrived and they made their orders.

"Well," Derek said, smiling at her as he raised his glass. She mirrored his efforts. "Cheers," he said, clinking his glass against hers.

"Cheers," Meredith said with a smile, only faltering for a short moment. Was now a good time to bring it up? It wasn't very discreet, but it was opportune. It would give them something to cheers to. But it was also very upfront, not casual like she had planned, and then she would already be going against her plan. She should wait. Or should she just say it. She could break a plan she had made on a whim only a few minutes ago. Or... By the time she came close to making a decision, the moment had passed, leaving her inwardly cursing at herself for not being prepared. She quickly brought the glass to her lips.

They chatted about the first few days of her residency, but Meredith didn't think bringing up her question to be very opportune while ranting about Dr. Riley.

Then they talked about the surgeries he had lined up for the next week. Still no good.

She almost thought she was getting close when he touched on Izzy and her incessant baking the week before, but the conversation went towards junk food stuff instead of home stuff. Derek told her of his plan to avoid all baked goods until his stomach stopped rejecting the notion. He had suffered a long occupation by the muffin-nazi while she had been gone.

Their meals arrived.

They talked about George and how he was coping with repeating his year.

They talked about Callie being picked as chief resident.

They talked about the weather. It had been uncharacteristically sunny for the past few days. Maybe Meredith and Cristina had brought the warm weather back with them from Hawaii.

It was getting late. Their plates were almost clear. Meredith was stuffed, and knew she couldn't even pretend to order dessert to prolong the conversation. If she was going to make her move, it had to be soon.

Derek was talking about a new technique he had read about in a journal. She had no idea how to fit in to that topic. Hmmm. Journal article. Mail. Neurosurgery. Mailing address. 3D imaging. New keys. They just didn't add up.

Their plates were cleared and Derek slipped the waiter his credit card. Meredith had to hurry. It was now or never. She needed an intro topic. She needed...

"Meredith, are you okay?" Derek questioned her. She glanced up at him. He was staring at her, concern lining his beautiful blue eyes. She swallowed, her mind racing to come up with something suave.

"Mail!" She spat out, immediately chastising herself. Couldn't she, for once in her life, do something calmly? She collapsed her face into her hands, shaking her head as she groaned.

Derek narrowed his eyes, obviously searching his mind for any indication as to what she was thinking. "I'm sorry, what?"

Meredith sighed. She lifted her head, her shoulders slugging forward in defeat. She had waited all dinner for the perfect opportunity and now here she was, coming out of right field, already putting Derek on edge. "I was thinking about your mail, in the back of your car."

Derek almost laughed. She could tell by the way his expression tightened, like he was trying to prevent it from morphing into something inappropriate. His mouth twitched, but he remained relatively straight faced. A stranger may not be able to tell the difference. "So, you've been spacey all evening because you're thinking about the mail in the back seat of my car?" His eyes twinkled. "Unless, of course, you were worried because you had planned to make use of the backseat and the letters were in the way, because that's not a problem. I can remove them quite easily."

Meredith glared at him. "You won't be getting any in any seat of your car ever again, mister," she told him. "We've already been caught once. And it's not going to happen again."

Derek smirked. "I love it when you're bossy."

Meredith could barely hold back her smile as she continued to glare at his smirking face. "Shut up, Derek."

He rolled his eyes good naturedly. "Anyway, Mer, what's on your mind?" He asked. "We never got past the mail on my backseat."

"No, you never got past the mail on your backseat. _You_ made it dirty."

"Technicality," he told her, waving his hand.

It was her turn to roll her eyes.

"So," he prompted.

She sighed. "I don't want you to go get your mail anymore."

He tilted his head. "You don't want me to get my mail? I don't understand..."

"I mean, I don't want you to have to go get it; it should come to you, where you're living."

Derek sucked in a breath, suddenly foreseeing where she was going.

"Your mail should go to where you're living," Meredith repeated. "And you're obviously not living at the trailer. So..." She trailed off. "I'm sorry; I'm not good at this. I don't know what I'm supposed to say here..."

Derek smiled warmly at her. "Meredith, are you asking me to move in with you?"

She quickly shook her head. "No."

"No," he repeated, his demeanour half-deflating. He looked confused and a little insecure.

"I mean, not no, but not yes. At first I was thinking yes, because you basically live with me anyway. Even Izzy and Alex call you their roommate, but..."

"Here you go, Sir. I hope you enjoyed your meal." The waiter said, placing the receipt on the table with Derek's credit card, completely oblivious to the fact that he had interrupted Meredith's first potential speech at adequately expressing herself while remaining coherent to the world outside of her head.

Derek thanked the waiter and turned his attention back to Meredith, momentarily ignoring the receipt. "But," he prompted.

Meredith took a breath, trying to calm her shaky nerves. She shouldn't be nervous. "Derek, I have a beautiful house. And it's been great living there for the year with Izzy and George and Alex, but that house will always be my mother's house. And as many good memories as I have now, I have horrible memories from that house that will never go away. So, if we're going to do this," she said, motioning between the two of them. "If we're really going to do this, the whole long haul thing, then I need for us not to do it in my mother's house. And I really want to do it. And I want to live with you. Just you. Officially."

Derek blinked at her. Once. Twice. Then he was smiling. The corners of his lips turned upwards, reaching towards his eyes, which were bright and sparkly like she'd never seen them. "Really?" He asked, reaching across the table for her hand.

She smiled back at him, her nerves dissipating as she reached her hand up and placed it with his on the table. "Really." She squeezed his hand.

"I love you, Meredith," he told her, still smiling happily at her. She'd never get tired of that dazzling expression focussed so intently on her.

"I love you, too." She responded. "So?"

His eyes narrowed as he considered her question. "So?" he repeated, obviously unable to decipher its meaning.

She huffed and pulled her hand out of his. "So?" She repeated again. "So, do I get an answer? Kind of out on a limb here..." she trailed off.

He rolled his eyes good naturedly at her tone, and he was up and out of his seat in a flash, pulling her to her feet and into a tight embrace. "I'd love to live with you, Meredith. More than anything."

_**AN: So, I went somewhere new for me, tried to follow what I perceive to be Meredith's inner rambler at work... a lot like my own thought process at times. Lol. Hope it was a happy chappie. (wow, sorry, lacking a little in the sleep department..). Anyway, I felt it was important that Meredith initiate a step and have it go well for her. And the use of the mail was triggered from last chapter. Seriously, I had no preconceived notions of this chapter at the time, just wrote Derek going to get his mail and triggered the idea. Lol. I love it when things work out like that.**_


	25. Guilty Pleasure

"So, if you don't want to live here, where do you want to live?" Derek questioned, his voice cutting through the quiet of the dark bedroom. His right hand continued its pattern, sliding up and down her forearm.

She smiled into his chest, the manic smile from the day roaring its head once again. Shifting her arm, she managed to stop his movements, claiming his hand in hers. She sighed. "I don't know. I guess I never really got past the whole Derek-had-to-go-get-his-mail-but-he-shouldn't-have-to-and-oh-my-god-I-want-to-move-in-with-him trail of thought."

He chuckled, his chest vibrating underneath her head. "You got past it enough to ban me from moving in here with you." He joked.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, that's as far as I got with it." She lifted her head for long enough to glare at him. "And I didn't _ban _you from moving in here. I banned _us_ from living here. I won't have it. I'm putting my foot down."

He laughed out loud. "You're putting your foot down?"

"Mhh-hmmm, foot is down."

"Good to know." He told her. "So, not here, and you obviously wouldn't want to live at the trailer, so that kind of leaves us stranded and homeless at the time being..."

"I never said I didn't want to live at the trailer." She lifted her head off his chest again to meet his eyes.

He raised an eyebrow. "You want to live at the trailer?" He questioned.

She sighed, pushing herself further up his body to rest her head on his shoulder. He didn't hesitate to pull the blanket up with her as she moved, and the small gesture made her smile.

"I don't know," she finally told him. "I mean, I'd love to live at the trailer. You know how much I love it out there, but it's really far away from the hospital. And I'll still be working crazy hours for the next couple years, at least until I stop having interns. I'd spend more time commuting than sleeping."

He nodded, his head rubbing up and down against her hair as he shifted. "That's understandable."

"Although," Meredith spoke, pondering an idea. "I guess we could move in there and just keep my room here. Then I could live at the trailer with you, but crash here on late nights when I have to be back first thing in the morning."

She thought he would appreciate the idea, but he was shaking his head again. "No."

She snorted. "No? Just like that? I thought you'd want to live at the trailer."

He sighed, his outtake of breath separating strands of hair on her head. "I'd love to live out there with you, Mer, but I want to live _with _you. It's not the same if you're not home a few nights a week. I won't have it; I want to go to sleep with you every night, wake up with you every morning."

Warmth spread from her heart throughout the rest of her body at his words. She sighed contentedly, her left hand grasping tighter to his right. "Really?"

She felt his lips come down on the top of her head. "Really," he whispered, the sound muffled by her hair. "This is me putting _my_ foot down," he said, causing her to giggle.

"Okay, so where do you want to live?" She asked.

He laughed into her hair. "That's what I asked you."

She giggled. "Right. I forgot; or not actually forgot, but got distracted by the trailer stuff."

"So..?"

She laughed. "I don't know. Not too far away from the hospital... that minimizes commuting time and maximises living together time."

"I like that."

She yawned into his shoulder, her tiredness from before seeping back into her body. "What kind of place should we live in?"

"Hmm?" He spoke into the top of her head, interrupting his deep, even breaths.

"What kind of home should we have?" She repeated.

"A happy one," he mumbled.

She rolled her eyes. "Obviously. But do you see us happy in an apartment?" She paused, giving him a chance to input his ideas. He remained silent. "Condo?" Still silent, his breathing even against her scalp, but not deep enough for him to be asleep. "House?" Still nothing. "Box on the street?"

His breathing changed at her last words, as he laughed gently. "I'd love to live anywhere with you, but I'd prefer we not live in a box."

She laughed. "Okay, I'll scratch box off the list. Are there other options than apartment, condo and house? Do you prefer any of them?"

"I want what you want," he murmured into her hair. "It's your choice."

She shook her head, ignoring his protests as she pulled herself off of him. "Derek, you have to help me with this," she told him. "I want you to be happy with wherever we live."

"I will be," he grumbled, his arms snaking out in an attempt to pull her back down.

She dodged his insistent hands, manoeuvring her body to sit up, keeping the blanket around herself to ward off the cold. "Derek," she chastised. "I thought the whole point of the adult conversation and real relationship stuff was to make these kinds of decisions together."

He sighed and perched himself up on his elbows. "It is. We decided to move in together; decision made _together_."

She narrowed her eyes. "Don't you mock me." She pointed a finger at him jokingly.

He smiled up at her and grabbed her outreached hand, threading his fingers through hers. His sparkling blue eyes signifying his happiness with the situation. "Sorry," he told her, his tone not portraying that he actually felt sorry at all. He smirked. "Don't look at me like that. You know you don't want my input anyway. Do what makes you happy and I'll be happy."

She stared at him for several seconds, confusion lining her brain at his comments, especially the way they were uttered; as if completely usual, expected, understood. She scrunched her face and shook her head. "Okay, as part of the whole adult conversing thing, I have the obligation to tell you that I don't have any idea what you're talking about. I want your input. That's why I'm asking for it. And you need to be happy and comfortable too, so you are going to be an equal part of this major decision thing, or you _will_ find yourself living in a box on the street."

He smiled at her joke, but it faded quickly as he processed the rest of what she said, and his expression took on an almost... pensive appearance. And the pensiveness soon gave rise to understanding, as if something had suddenly just clicked into place in his mind. Then he smiled.

Meredith sat, cross legged, blanket wrapped over her shoulders, her head tilted to the side as she smiled back at him, completely in the dark as to his odd behaviour, but glad he was smiling. And when he sat up and reached out for her, she let him pull her body back down to rest against his. He kissed her before laying her head down on his shoulder again, his arms wrapping tightly around her body and he breathed in her hair. Meredith remained silent; confused, but happy to be close to him again.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," she responded.

"You really want my input?" He questioned, almost disbelieving.

"Of course," she responded, her face scrunching up in confusion at his honest tone. "Derek, I can't make these decisions by myself. I thought it was supposed to be an us decision?"

"I guess it is."

"You _guess_?"

He sighed. "I've never been expected to give input on these types of decisions before; I've never had a say. I guess I just never questioned it before."

"What do you mean you've never had a say?"

"With... Addison, well, as soon as me first moved in together, she took over all the house related decisions. I didn't get a say. And I stopped trying to give one. I never realised..." He trailed off.

She smiled sadly against his shoulder, understanding what he was telling her and feeling just how much effect his realisation was having on him. In her mind, she remembered going out to dinner with him, early on in their relationship, before Addison had shown up. They had tried a newly opened restaurant that had turned out to have good food, but a horrible decor. Derek had told her the hideous furniture pattern reminded him of an old living room set he had once had. At the time she assumed he had inherited some old furniture free as a struggling college student or something, but now she realized it had more likely been expensive new furniture that Addison had chosen without his say.

Derek was still silent, his hand rubbing lazy circles over her back under the covers.

"Well," she spoke up. "Don't think I'm going to let you get away with any of that." Meredith spoke jokingly, trying to lighten the situation. "I'm so not able to make these kinds of decisions by myself, Derek, even if you actively try to avoid them. I need you help."

He was silent for several moments. "I can picture us in something smaller; an apartment, maybe a condo. I think a house is a bit much. We don't have much stuff."

She smiled. "Okay, I'll scratch house off the list. Anything else?"

"It's your turn."

"What?"

"It's your turn to give input. You said close to the hospital, I said apartment or condo, it's your turn."

Meredith laughed. "Sorry, I didn't realize we had regressed to elementary school where we have to take turns on the playground."

He snorted.

"Okay, my turn," she started, her eyes closing as she tried to imagine their future home. "Somewhere with a view," she finally said. "Of the water or something naturey."

"Naturey?"

"It's a word."

"It's so not a word."

"It is so. Naturey: To do with nature."

He snorted again.

"Okay, so it may not be an _official _word, but I said it and you understood what I was saying, thus it is a word."

"Fine," he conceded, and she didn't have to turn to look at his face to know he was rolling eyes at her.

"And it's your turn."

"Big windows," he said. "It's the only thing I don't really like about the trailer, it's really dark, even with the skylight. I like lots of sunlight."

"I can do sunlight. And a bathtub, a big bathtub like we have here."

"We could make it a Jacuzzi tub." Derek suggested.

"Oh, that's even better," she said, and they fell into silence. She felt the tug of sleep as his breaths against her hair began to even out once more. "It's your turn," she mumbled.

"Nope, it's your turn," he countered.

"How is it my turn? I said bathtub."

"And I said Jacuzzi, which you agreed was better than just a bathtub, which cancels out yours, so technically you owe me two."

She scoffed. "You're so cheating."

"No, I was playing fair. I trumped your idea and you agreed."

"You stole my idea and changed it to avoid being creative."

"Maybe we should call it a tie for tonight?" He suggested.

"Okay," she agreed easily. She had made her big relationship step for the day. The specifics could wait for the next day; it wasn't like she was going to change her mind. "I love you," she mumbled.

His arms closed around her tightly as he kissed the top of her head. "I love you too." And they both closed their eyes and drifted off, thoughts on their future, on drifting off to sleep together in a new place of their own.

000

Meredith glanced suspiciously around the cafeteria for the umpteenth time as she sat eating her late-lunch/early-dinner. She had been on her feet all day alternating between the pit and the clinic, and had only just found enough free time to steal away to the cafeteria for a well deserved meal. And the best part was her friends were all in surgery, or so she hoped. She knew George was, and she had checked the board to find the names Yang, Karev and Stevens all listed for surgery right now. But she still couldn't help feeling like she was going to be caught at any moment. Even though she wasn't doing anything wrong, she still felt guilty and wanted to keep certain things quiet for just a little while.

After assuring herself she wasn't being spied on, Meredith turned her attention back to the newspaper section on the table before her. Swiping another fry off her plate with her left hand, she read the next add on the list before shaking her head and marking a big X across it with the pen in her right hand. She placed a question mark beside the next blurb, and then crossed out the next two. The fifth one caught her attention, and she was leaning close to the table, her attention on the ad when a hand fell on her shoulder.

Meredith suppressed a yelp as she flew upright, her hands automatically snapping into action as she flipped over the newspaper. "I wasn't doing anything!" She stated as she whipped her head around, only to find Derek standing beside her, a quizzical expression on his facial features.

Relief washed over her as she smiled up at him. "Oh, good, it's only you."

He snorted and pulled a chair over to sit close beside her. "Ah," he said sarcastically. "_Only you_. I like it. It's nice to feel the love."

She rolled her eyes and leaned over to nudge him playfully with her shoulder, smiling when his arm snaked out to wrap around her waist. "You know I didn't mean it that way. I just thought you were one of my friends."

He tightened his hold on her middle as he leaned in to place a kiss on the side of her head before releasing her and settling beside her. "So, what are you hiding from your friends?"

Meredith flipped the newspaper back over to reveal the rentals section.

"You don't want to tell them we're moving in together?" He asked, and although his voice was light, she could tell he was hurt.

"No, it's not that," she said quickly. "I just... I really just want this to be an _us_ thing for at least a little while." He still looked confused so she continued. "I mean I love my friends, but they have a way of involving themselves in everything that goes on in my life, and I really want some privacy with this for as long as I can. It's not that I don't want to tell them, I promise. I'm really happy about it, and I want to tell everyone, but I know things will change as soon as I do tell them, so I just need some time."

He considered her for several moments before nodding. "Okay."

She sighed, staring back at him, knowing he couldn't grasp what she was telling him. She loved her friends. And she loved Derek. And she didn't want to keep them separate. She was ecstatic that Derek was starting to bond with her friends, glad he was making progress in that area. He and Izzy were even on a first name basis. Meredith didn't want to keep the two most important parts of her life separate, but she didn't know how to integrate them in this case. And she didn't want to feel guilty to either party, thus the wanting to keep her happiness a secret for just a little longer.

She tilted her head slightly. "But it's not okay, your not okay."

He gazed at her. "I'll be okay, Meredith. Even if I don't get it, I understand that they're your family and you need their approval. I can wait."

She shook her head. "First of all, it's not their approval I'm looking for, and I don't want to wait. I want to live with you yesterday. And most importantly," she paused for effect, and reached over to squeeze his hand. "Most importantly, you are my family too, not just my friends. Don't think I don't think that or feel that way. Cause I do."

She could swear she recognized tears welling in his eyes as he blinked a few times. Although he appeared to be about to speak a few times, it was several moments before he actually did. "Thank-you," he finally whispered.

Whether he was thanking her for realizing his importance in her life, or simply for stating it, she didn't know, but her heart went out to him either way. Sometimes she forgot the problems in his past. Meredith made a mental note to be better at reminding him of his importance more regularly.

She didn't know how to respond to his quiet words. So, she smiled and offered more of an explanation. "I love my friends, but I know what will happen when I tell them. Cristina won't care, or at least she'll pretend not to care. And I'll feel guilty for being so happy while she's still so depressed about Burke. And Izzy will be annoyingly excited and will try to be involved in the where-do-we-live and how-should-we-decorate things. And then she'll realize that moving out means I'm leaving her alone with Alex, and that won't make her happy. And she'll be even more upset when she hears I'm offering my bedroom to Cristina, who needs a real place to live as she is still sleeping on my couch. And they'll both bitch about having to live with each other, and with Alex. Although Alex probably won't care much."She smiled at Derek. "We could tell Alex."

He smiled back at her. "We can tell whoever you want whenever you want." He squeezed her hand.

Meredith squeezed back, happy that he was happy again. She was getting better at the whole comforting thing. "Okay." She slid the newspaper over to rest closer to him. "I grabbed a paper from downstairs. Found a couple places that look somewhat promising."

Other than their conversation the previous night, they hadn't discussed the subject any further. It had been an early morning and she had been busy all day.

"Okay," Derek told her, but there was something a little off about his tone as he leaned over to read the ads she had circled.

"What?"

He glanced over at her. "Nothing important."

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What?" She asked again, more demanding.

"Well, I didn't realize you were looking for homes this way."

Meredith shrugged. "What other way is there?"

"Well, I put a call into a realtor this morning."

Meredith paused. "A realtor? How does that work?"

"She'll find some places and then take us to go see them. And don't worry, she got all the criteria; view and Jacuzzi."

Meredith laughed. "And big windows."

He smiled back at her. "Is it okay that I called her?"

She nodded. "Yeah, of course. It just never even occurred to me. But it sounds much easier than searching the classifieds."

"It is, much easier," he told her, his eyes sparkling as his arm retuned to her waist and he placed another kiss on the side of her head, only lower this time, before resting his chin on her shoulder. The feeling of his warm breath fluttering her hair as it hit her neck made her shiver, but in a good way. "It's very efficient," he was saying. "Leaves time for other things."

She giggled at his words. "Does it now?"

He smiled as he nodded gently on her shoulder. "It does."

She sighed happily and leaned her head to the side to rest against his forehead. "Well, I'm glad it's all efficient and everything, but I've already used my time for today. I need to get back to the pit soon."

He grumbled his disagreement, his arm tightening around her.

"I love you," she blurted out, suddenly overwhelmed with the need to tell him.

"I love you too," he mumbled through her hair.

She reached out and grasped his other hand, pulling it closer as she threaded her fingers through his. "How soon can we go looking?"

"The realtor said she'd call me back tomorrow and set up a time. It can be as soon as we're both free."

"Good," she told him. "Because I don't want to wait."

"I don't want to wait either. I'm glad I chose yesterday to go pick up my mail." He joked.

She laughed at his words. "Are you mocking me?"

"Maybe a little."

Before she could respond, a loud beeping sound filled the quiet silence between them. Meredith groaned as she lifted her head up and dropped his hand to reach for her beeper.

"I have to go," she said after reading the text filtering across the screen. She closed her eyes and sighed, taking one last moment to absorb the happiness of the situation before twisting her head for a quick kiss and pulling out of his warm embrace. "We'll finish this later?"

He smiled at her. "Absolutely."

_**AN: Okay, so I know I suck with the lack of updates. I had the first half of this chapter written, then decided it needed to be different, re-wrote it, and decided the new version sucked even more, so I came back and modified it, then wrote the second half. Then modified the whole thing again... and well, you get the picture. Sorry. Oh, and I also just wanted to say that I'm not an Addison hater. I know there are some Addison negative aspects of this story starting to come out, but I really don't mean them against her, just against their old relationship.**_


	26. efficacy vs efficiency

Meredith wandered around the bright, open foyer in potential new home number five. Her eyes were lifted upwards, staring at the bright blue sky three stories above them. She followed the line of skylights to the mahogany spiral staircase leading down from the open upper floor above them, and down to meet Derek's eyes.

She wandered towards him, tucking her body in beside him. "Maybe my way of house hunting is better than yours," she said jokingly.

He closed his arm around her waist and rolled his eyes at her. "This was a small, unforeseen complication," he whispered, his eyes on the realtor who was talking away about the size, history and location of the mini-mansion they found themselves in.

"A _small_ complication? This is a freaking huge complication." Meredith spoke, making a point of pointing out the size of the houses they were being taken to see. This one was huge, and was definitely not the largest one they had seen that morning. "Did you give her any other criteria than Jacuzzi, view and windows?"

"Of course. I specified small, starter home."

"Well, she obviously didn't listen."

"Thank-you for pointing that out," he responded sarcastically.

She smirked. "You know, the classifieds may be time consuming, but at least when you go to look at the two bedroom apartment, it's a two bedroom apartment. And the one and a half story condo is one and a half stories. The small starter condo or apartment isn't a freaking mansion."

He sighed and mock glared at her. "This isn't a mansion."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, it's not a small starter home."

He shrugged his shoulders. "No. No, it's not."

"How do you two like it so far?" Their overly enthusiastic realtor, named Bridget, turned her attention back to them with a large, white-toothed smile and seemingly unblinking eyes. She kind of reminded Meredith of Izzy at Christmas, if she were on drugs and sleep deprived.

Meredith suppressed a smile and glanced up at Derek.

Derek smiled politely at the realtor. "It's still very large," he started.

"Yes, and very open. Lots of light, as you can see," she pointed up at the sky lights above them, as if they could have missed them. "And you haven't seen the view from the upstairs bedroom yet."

"I'm sure it's wonderful," Derek spoke before she could lead them up the stairs. "But what I meant is the house is much larger than we are looking for. All we really want for right now is a starter home. Something small."

Bridget turned lifted one manicured eyebrow at Derek, shifting her attention towards Meredith and then back. "Dr. Shepherd, for a couple in your profession, this is a starter home."

Derek paused before speaking. "Well, I guess we're just not like most others in our profession. We're really just looking for an apartment or a small condo."

Bridget looked shocked and turned her attention towards Meredith, as if expecting support.

Meredith shrugged. "We don't really take up much space."

Bridget looked completely flabbergasted. "Well, I, uh, I need to make some calls. Please excuse me." And with that she stepped out the large wooden double doors onto the wrap around porch, her cell phone out and open before she was out of sight.

"I think we scared her," Meredith stated through her barely controlled giggles.

Derek nodded his agreement as he closed his arms loosely around her middle. "I don't think I've ever loved you more than I love you right now. She completely expected your support there."

Meredith laughed and buried her face in his shoulder. "Why would two people who are never home need this much space?" She mumbled into him.

"I don't know." Derek ran his hand up and down her back as she sighed happily.

Meredith lifted her head up, meeting his eyes, a gleam reflecting back from hers. "Do you think we could make a run for it?"

Derek laughed. "You want to ditch her?"

Meredith shrugged. "Well, we're obviously not making any progress. And we only have one day off work this week."

"I guess we could try to-"

"I've made a call into my office, and there's at least one place we can go see that's more... uh, to your liking. It's not far from here." And with that she motioned for them to follow her out the door to the car.

Meredith sighed as Derek released her and made to head out the door. "We could still run," she whispered as she took his hand and let him lead her after Bridget.

"We could," Derek replied, squeezing her hand. "But we'd have to walk home from here, and my car is still at her office."

"So, you're not willing to sacrifice your car for our escape?"

Derek laughed. "I like my car."

"More than me?"

"Of course not," he replied immediately. "But I think you could suffer another hour so we don't have to sacrifice the car forever."

Meredith snorted. "I suppose we could go to one more place," she told him with an exaggerated sigh.

He leaned close and planted a quick kiss on her cheek. "You're making my car very happy."

"Whatever," she muttered as she released Derek's hand to tuck herself into the backseat of Bridget's car.

With a mock glare at his girlfriend for once more leaving him to sit in the front beside Bridget, Derek sighed and resigned himself to the passenger seat.

It only took a few minutes to navigate the roads away from what Meredith now silently referred to as 'mansion town.' They pulled up to an apartment complex on the outskirts of the city near the hospital. Bridget quickly parked the car and stepped out, barely leaving Derek and Meredith time to follow before she hit the lock button and motioned for them to follow her into the front lobby.

"We're meeting the landlord," was all Bridget offered as explanation, her enthusiasm suddenly much lower, as if realizing this gig wasn't about to get her the large commission she had expected.

Meredith snorted at the attitude change. "I like her better like this. She's almost normal now."

Derek laughed as he reached for her hand and glanced upwards at the building. "Well, this is looking more promising," he commented.

"Yeah, unless of course she plans on us renting the entire building," Meredith joked.

He rolled his eyes, but stayed silent.

Meredith smiled at her small victory. "It does look promising," she commented as he led her inside.

A pleasant looking older man was just entering from the hallway opposite the front doors.

"Hello, folks," he spoke as he offered a hand to Bridget. "I just got a call from your office, you must be Bridget. I'm Ron." He turned to Derek and Meredith. "And you must be Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey?"

"Derek," Derek answered, shaking his hand. Meredith followed suit.

"It's nice to meet both of you," Ron said, smiling warmly. "I hear you two are looking for an apartment. Are you newlyweds?"

Meredith only paused long enough to suck in a breath before her mouth opened and a jumble of words came flowing out unbidden. "Oh, no. No, we're not newlyweds. Not newlyweds at all. Or married. We're not married. Not married or newlyweds. Just...dating. Wanting to live together. Not married. Not getting married. Not that we won't ever get married," she glanced at Derek, her eyes wide. "I mean, we haven't talked about it, so I probably shouldn't be talking about it now, but here I am, doing what I do best; rambling about things I shouldn't be. But no one is shutting me up, so here I go again. Not married, no plans for marriage any time in the near future, but maybe eventually, or-"

"No, we're not newlyweds," Derek cut in, finally taking pity on his rambling girlfriend. He dropped her hand to wrap his arm around her waist. "And yes, we're looking for an apartment."

Ron smiled warmly at both of them. "Alright then, let's go have a look at it then." He motioned for them to follow him into the elevator.

Meredith felt her face redden as she averted meeting eyes with Bridget, who was throwing her a questioning expression that told Meredith that Bridget thought she was completely insane. She pulled away from Derek's arm, swiping him across the chest with her hand as she did so. "You couldn't have stopped me sooner?" She hissed at him.

He laughed and fought to grab her hand back. "I thought it was cute."

She rolled her eyes at him as she stepped onto the elevator, only weakly attempting to pull her hand free of his.

"We have sixteen units," Ron offered as the doors shut and the elevator car began to travel upwards. "Four on each level above ground. Me and my family live in half of the building's ground floor, and there are storage lockers for each unit on the other side of the ground floor. Each unit has an open living room-dining room, and a kitchen, bathroom and bedroom on the base floor, with a master bedroom and bathroom in an upper loft. The one we have available is the northwest apartment on the upper floor." The car beeped to signal the correct floor as it came to a stop and the doors opened.

Meredith and Derek followed Ron down the hallway as he fiddled with a large key chain, searching for the correct key. Bridget huffed as she trailed behind. It only took a moment for Ron to find the correct key to open the door of unit fourteen. He swung open the door and motioned for them to enter first.

With Derek's hand resting lightly on her lower back, Meredith walked through the doorway and her breath caught. After walking under the overhanging second floor, the room opened up into a full two floors, large open windows lining the wall all the way up to the roof, complete with its own set of sky lights, an obvious perk of being on the top floor. The open concept gave a magnificent view of the bay below them.

"Wow," Meredith murmured as she threaded her fingers through Derek's, squeezing tightly.

"Yeah," he replied.

After knowingly giving them a few moments to take in the view, Ron spoke up. "So, off to the left we have the second bedroom and bathroom. The second bedroom is often converted into an office. And the door over there is the laundry room. There's also a closet back here by the door," he motioned behind them, back to near Bridget who was sulking by the door. "Obviously the wide space here along the windows is the combined living room and dining room." The only feature distinguishing the two rooms was the floor; thick carpet for the living room, and mahogany hardwood flooring for the dining room. "The doors across the room lead to the balcony. And the kitchen is here on the right." He motioned to the kitchen wrapping around the corner to the side. The windows along the back wall showed a peek of the forest area along the side of the bay. Large silver appliances were intermingled with light beige and blue cupboards. A half wall with a narrow counter top jutted out to define the parameters of the kitchen. There was enough room in the center of the kitchen for a small table.

"Do you want to see the upper floor?" Ron motioned towards the staircase to the right of the door. Meredith nodded and made her way up the stairs, Derek on her heels. Ron followed them, but Bridget chose to remain sulking by the door. There was a small alcove at the top of the stairs, complete with a linen closet. They made their way through the open door into the master bedroom. There were large windows along the back wall, showing the same view as the kitchen. To the left was a half wall, allowing a full view through the windows overlooking the living room. The right wall was broken up by three doors.

"There are two walk-in closets," Ron said, motioning to the furthest two doors. "And this is the master bath. " He opened the closest door. The bathroom was complete with a large Jacuzzi tub.

Meredith walked back into the bedroom, crossing the open space to overlook the room below the loft bedroom. She leaned her elbows on the ledge of the half-wall, gazing happily out the windows across the room at the view. She felts Derek's presence behind her only a moment before his arms snaked around her waist and his chin came to rest on her shoulder.

"We could wake up to this every morning," he whispered.

Meredith sighed happily and leaned her head into his. "We could," she agreed. "We should."

"Really?" Derek questioned.

She nodded her head against his. "Really. I love it. How soon do you think we could move in?"

Derek chuckled. "Well, it's empty, so probably as soon as we sign a lease."

"Then let's get that lease."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, I love this place."

"No, I mean are you sure you want to move in so soon?"

Meredith pulled her head up and away from his far enough to look him in the eye. "Of course. Why, don't you?"

"No, I do. I was just..." He trailed off.

"Just what?"

He sighed, resting forehead against hers. "I guess I just expected you to want to take some time."

She leaned her forehead into his. "Why? I told you I want to already be living with you."

"I know, but there's a difference between saying you want it and actually..."

Meredith felt her heart lurch as she realized the basis of his questioning. Since _the talk_ things had been much better; Derek had been better. He had basically been back to his normal, cocky self. She hadn't realized how close to the surface his insecurities still were.

She leaned her face in to kiss him, returning her forehead to lean against his when she pulled away. "Derek. I don't want to take any time. I love you and I want to live with you. Here. As soon as we can move in. I don't have anything to think about."

"Really?" He questioned quietly.

She smiled. "Really." She squeezed his hands.

"I love you too." He placed a kiss on her forehead before pulling his body away from hers, only keeping contact through the intertwining of their fingers.

Derek turned to Ron, who was standing discreetly in the corner, letting them have their moment. "We love it. Can we see the lease?"

Ron smiled at them. "Absolutely. I can get you a copy to read through overnight. I can hold it for you until tomorrow, but be sure to call me first thing in the morning if you want it. I put an ad in the classifieds last week. Phone's been ringing off the hook."

Meredith snorted despite herself. "I knew it," she muttered.

"What?" Derek asked, turning a questioning expression to her.

Meredith laughed. She hadn't realized he would have heard her. "Oh, it's just that we wasted an entire morning with Mrs. Psycho-unblinking-mansion hunter, when I showed you the ad for this apartment three days ago."

He narrowed his eyes. "No, you didn't."

"Two floors, two bedroom, same neighbourhood. I circled the ad and placed it right in front of you."

Derek scoffed. "Whatever. All that matters is that we found this place regardless."

Meredith smirked. "All that matters is that we found this place _and_ that apparently my way is most effective."

"My way still found the apartment. That means they're equally effective."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, then my way is most efficient. We wouldn't have wasted any time."

Derek shrugged. "Whatever."

She laughed, dropping his hand to tuck in close to his body. "You just don't want to admit you were wrong."

He wrapped his arm around her waist. "I'm a surgeon, I'm never wrong."

She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Sure," she muttered sarcastically.

"I'll admit you may have been right, but I wasn't wrong."

Meredith sighed. "This is the way our life is going to be forever, isn't it?"

Derek smirked and laughed and kissed her forehead. Even Ron laughed at her words.

_**AN: I suck for not updating sooner, but life sucks for not letting me. And the important thing to keep in mind is I updated now...**_


	27. moving out

Meredith collapsed onto the bed, crossing her legs in front of her as she scooted away from the edge, and turned to face Derek, who was sitting up against the head of the bed, legs strewn out in front of him, his eyes darting back and forth as he read the contents of the medical journal in his hands. He glanced up and smiled warmly at her before going back to his place on the page. He knew from the look in her eyes that she needed to talk, but he also knew she needed to organize what she was going to say first. She was silent for several minutes as Derek quietly read about a new clipping technique. She sighed, and he blindly reached out to take her hand.

"We could just not tell them," Meredith finally spoke.

He looked up, dropping his journal to his lap. "What?"

"My friends. We could just not tell them that I'm moving."

Derek felt the corners of his mouth curl up despite himself. "You don't think they'd notice?"

She shrugged. "They're all very caught up in their own problems right now. They may not notice."

He laughed at her joking expression. "They'd notice eventually. Izzy would barge in one morning and you wouldn't be there, and that would at least make her suspicious, especially if she finds Cristina instead."

Meredith scrunched up her nose. "Yeah, okay. I guess you're right." She sighed dramatically. "I just don't know how to tell them."

"Well, it's okay if you want to take some time..."

"Derek!" She exclaimed. "Stop offering me more time. Let me tell you one more time just how much I want to live with you. I don't want to wait."

Derek smiled at her as he felt his insecurities melt away at her words. Every time he voiced them she would scoff and yell at him. But every time her reaction told him the same thing. She really did want to live with him. She really didn't want to wait.

"Okay, just making sure," he told her.

She rolled her eyes, squeezing her hand as she did so. "Well, stop making sure. I'm not used to being the calm, rational one."

Derek laughed. "Well, you're doing a very good job for someone not used to being rational, but I promise I'll try to get back to it as soon as possible so you can go back to being the irrational one."

She mock glared at him, though her sparkling eyes gave her away. "Thanks for that," she muttered.

"You're welcome."

It had been a week since they had found the apartment and had heard that morning that the paperwork had gone through. They would officially take possession first thing Monday morning. It was currently late Saturday evening, and they both had the following day off. They had decided to head out to the trailer for the night, with plans to pack up Derek's remaining stuff. However, once they had arrived, they quickly realized he didn't have much left there that he would need at the new apartment. They would leave all of his fishing gear and what Meredith had termed his 'out door man stuff' at the trailer. After that, there wasn't much left for them to pack up and shove into his trunk.

Meredith sighed and leaned forward, sinking her head into her hands. She made a strange strangled noise.

Derek chuckled as he reached a hand to run through her hair. "What can I do to help?"

She tilted her head so that she was resting her chin in her hands and could look him in the eye. His hand slid down her head to cup her cheek. She smiled. "You're already doing it."

"Well, I'll have to keep doing it then."

She smiled, and he lost himself in her eyes for several moments before she spoke up again. "It's going the change everything," she admitted.

His smiled faded and he nodded. "It will change a lot. Are you-"

"Derek Christopher Shepherd! If you ask me if I'm sure one more time!" She sat up straight, effectively pulling away from his hand.

He laughed despite himself. "Hey, that's totally uncalled for, bringing the middle name into this. I was going to ask if you were okay with this, the fact that things will change with you and your friends."

She regarded him through narrowed eyes for several moments. "Fine, I apologize for bringing in the middle name." She sighed, and reached for his hand. "And _I'm_ fine with things changing. I'm looking forward to it, actually. I want to move forward, Derek. I just feel... guilty, I guess, like I'm leaving them behind. There's the whole Izzy and George thing, that holy crap, I so didn't see coming," she spoke of the revelation that had only come days before. "And Alex is still sulking and shacking up with Lexie," she rolled her eyes. "And Cristina... well, she's just not doing well. She's still getting over Burke, even if she pretends she's fine, and Hahn is shutting her out of all of her surgeries..."

"You can still be there for them," Derek offered. "It's not like you're ditching them. And I would never keep you away from them."

"I know," she told him. "I know you'd never do that. I guess I just don't know what it's going to be like. I've never lived with a guy before. I have no basis to know what it's going to be like."

"It's going to be great," Derek spoke. "You and I will work together every day, and then come home together every night. And we'll have a room that Izzy can't barge in whenever she and Alex are fighting over the bathroom. And you won't have to worry about walking in on your sister naked."

"Good thing," she cut in.

He rolled his eyes good naturedly and continued. "And we won't have to dig Alex's old laundry out of the machine when we need clean clothes."

"And there'll be no evil stares across the breakfast table any more..." She smirked.

"Exactly." He smiled at her. "And they'll always be welcome. They just won't all be there all the time." He really didn't mind her friends, and it had been novel practically living with them for a while. He had been married so young, that he hadn't truly experienced the whole roommate thing. But their constant presence and demand for Meredith's attention was starting to wear on him. He was looking forward to taking this step with her more than he could believe. The thought of being able to spend an uninterrupted evening with her without having to escape to the trailer for it was comforting.

"But, how do I tell them?" She questioned.

He shrugged. "That's for you to decide. You know them best."

She huffed, making him smile widely at her pouting expression.

"You could start with Alex," he suggested. "You said before that he wouldn't care."

She shook her head. "No, Cristina would kill me. I have to tell her first; it's a thing."

"A girl thing?"

She shrugged. "I guess. I just know I have to tell her first. Oh!" She exclaimed. "I could tell Cristina first, and then just tell Izzy. She'll tell everyone else anyway, it could save us the trouble."

He laughed, using their joined hands to pull her close to him. She laughed and collapsed into his chest, her arm automatically snaking around his torso. They lay in comfortable silence for several minutes, Derek running his hand up and down her back as he closed his eyes and listened to her gentle breathing. Her hand began to draw loose circles around his side, causing shivers to run through his body.

"So," he began.

"So." She repeated.

"This could be our last time staying in the trailer."

"I thought it was going to be our 'vacation home' for when we actually have any time to get away?" She held up her hand and made quotations with her fingers.

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, but technically this is our last night staying in the trailer with the trailer being a permanent home for me."

She scoffed. "Like you ever stay here anymore," she muttered.

He almost laughed at her obliviousness. "But it's still my official home, and we're here for the _last _time."

"Oh!" She said, laughing as she pulled her head away from his chest. "I get it. Sorry, I was a little slow on the uptake there. You're obviously feeling sad." She raised an eyebrow at him. "So we need to find some way to say a proper goodbye to the trailer." She manoeuvred her body as she spoke so that she was kneeling beside him, her face leaning in close to his.

He could feel her hot breath against his cheek. "I am. Very sad," he spoke. He lowered his voice down to a raspy whisper. "How do you think we could say a proper goodbye?"

She giggled. "I'm sure we'll think of something..." And she pressed her lips against his. Derek responded eagerly, wrapping his arms around her, steadying her body as she moved to straddle him. She sank her weight down onto his lap and ran her hands up his chest to curl her fingers through his hair. He groaned into her mouth.

"Feeling less sad?" She questioned, pulling her lips only far enough away to be audible.

"Mmmhmm," he mumbled, his hands working to pull her lips back to his.

000

Meredith jumped as she heard the front door slam shut. She dropped the unfolded towel into the box on her bed and stepped quickly away from it, turning as she did so. Both of her suitcases had been dragged up from the basement and lay open and half full on her floor. There were a number of smaller cardboard boxes strewn across her bed. Derek was carefully wrapping up the pictures from her wall. He laughed at her reaction, and stuffed the frame in his hands into the closest box to him.

"Jumpy much?"

"Shut up," she muttered at him, making him laugh. She quietly pulled open her door just a few inches, listening for any movement on the stairs. There wasn't any and after a few moments she heard the television come on downstairs.

"It must be Cristina," she whispered.

"Okay," he spoke, surprising her when his voice came from right over her shoulder. She jumped.

"It's not nice to sneak up on people." She closed the door.

He closed his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. "I wasn't trying to sneak up on you; you were a little busy spying on your best friend."

She scoffed. "I wasn't spying. Spying suggests stalking. I was eavesdropping."

Derek snorted. "Fine. I wasn't sneaking up on you. You were just too distracted by your _eavesdropping_ to hear me."

She leaned the side of her head against his forehead. "That's better." She sighed. "I should go tell her. No one else is home. It may be my only chance."

"Okay," Derek said, loosening his hold on her, but making no move to pull away until she did. She gripped his hands and sighed. Derek followed suit as he buried his nose into her neck.

"I don't want to hurt her," Meredith admitted quietly.

"I know."

"But she'll be happy that she gets a real room with a real bed, right?" It had been a very short discussion that had led to the unanimous agreement between the two of them to buy new bedroom furniture that would just be theirs, not ever shared with anyone else. Meredith would leave her furniture with the house until she decided what would be done with it, assuming her friends ever moved out.

"I'm sure she will. And she'll get the on suite bathroom, which will make Izzy jealous, so she'll be happy with that."

Meredith cracked a smile and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, she will." She took a breath. "Okay. I'm ready. She pulled away from him and paused with her hand on the door knob. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck," Derek responded obediently. "And don't worry, it'll be fine."

Meredith smiled back at him as she swung open the door. "I hope so."

000

Meredith made her way down the stairs and collapsed onto the couch beside her best friend. "Hey," she started.

"Hey." Cristina mumbled, her hand resting on the arm of the couch as she keyed the remote, surfing through the channels. "There's nothing on," she muttered, hitting the power button and dropping the remote onto the table beside her.

"Nothing going on at the hospital?" Meredith asked, knowing Cristina was not scheduled to be in today, but had headed in earlier in an attempt to get in on a surgery.

Cristina sighed. "Nope, Hahn's still black listing me. She's got her new best friend in surgery with her. I couldn't even watch."

Meredith smiled sadly at her best friend, knowing how hard it was for her to watch Izzy favoured in the cardio department. "So you just gave up and came home?"

"I don't give up," Cristina stated immediately, causing Meredith to smile. "I'm strategizing."

Meredith laughed. "Good for you."

"And this isn't home," Cristina added.

"Well, you're certainly here a lot."

Cristina sighed. "I know. I'll find a place soon. I've just been so busy at the hospital."

Meredith sucked in a breath and regarded her friend for several moments before speaking. "Don't," she finally stated.

"Don't what?"

"Don't find another place. Stay here."

Cristina rolled her eyed. "Mer, I can't sleep on your couch forever."

Meredith shook her head. "No you can't. But you can have my room."

Cristina laughed. "We can't share a room permanently Meredith. People will start talking."

It was Meredith's turn to laugh. "Yeah, that would be bad." She paused. "How bout you stay there by yourself."

Cristina looked up, her expression changing as if she suddenly realized there was something more to Meredith's words. "And where would you live?" She asked carefully.

Meredith took a breath. "I'm, uh, I'm moving in with Derek."

Cristina's expression didn't change, but she was silent for several moments. "He's not making you move into the trailer, is he?"

Meredith smiled and shook her head. "No. We found an apartment, so I can be close to the hospital."

"When?"

"Well, we take possession tomorrow morning."

Cristina actually looked surprised at this. "How long have you been looking?"

"We found it a week ago, and just heard back on Friday that everything went through okay. We only decided to move in together a few days before that."

Cristina regarded her for several seconds. "As your person, I'm required to make sure he's not forcing it."

Meredith's heart went out to her best friend, the woman who had been put through the ringer in the past year. Burke had pushed her far past her comfort zone at every step of their relationship, including moving in, but Cristina had allowed it because she had loved him. And now she was a broken shell, trying to move on with her life personally and professionally. Meredith offered her a smile. "No, he's not forcing it. I actually asked him."

Cristina scoffed. "Yeah, like I'd believe that."

"I did! You'd be proud of me. I actually initiated a step in a real adult relationship. I'll admit I wasn't exactly calm and rational about it, but I did it. I want it."

"Are you scared?" Cristina asked quietly, her low tone and downcast eyes letting Meredith know she was allowing herself to be somewhat vulnerable.

Meredith shook her head. "No, I'm not scared. A little apprehensive maybe? Like I'm not sure what to expect, but I'm really looking forward to it."

Cristina sighed. "What's it like?"

"What?"

"Being ready."

"Oh, Cris..." Meredith slid over towards her friend, her arm moving up on its own to wrap around Cristina's shoulders.

Cristina allowed it for about two seconds, which to be honest was two seconds longer than Meredith expected. Then she shrugged her shoulders, ridding herself of the contact. "Hey, don't get all touchy feely with me."

Meredith laughed and pulled her arm back to herself. "Don't worry. I won't." She playfully bumped her shoulder into Cristina.

"Good." Cristina bumped back. "So, what does it feel like?"

Meredith sighed, a happy smile coming to her lips unbidden. "It feels pretty good."

"This is not to be construed as me being supportive or touchy feely or anything, but I'm..." Cristina trailed off and took a deep breath. "I'm happy for you," she mumbled.

Meredith had to fight off laughter at Cristina's hesitation. She didn't want to scare off her best friend, who had just taken a big step. "Thanks."

They were silent for several seconds, the closely knit pair both wondering how their relationship would change. Then Cristina spoke up.

"Izzy's going to be so pissed off that I get the good room."

_**AN: Life is still crappy, more updates are coming when I have a chance to write.**_


	28. perfect

"That's the last box," Derek called as he dropped the box onto the floor by the front door. Standing upright he twisted his upper body back and forth several times before stretching his spine upwards.

"Great!" He heard Meredith's voice call from upstairs, where she was putting sheets on their new bed. They had gone furniture shopping on Friday evening before heading out to the trailer, and they had been lucky to have it delivered that morning. And Ron had been nice enough to meet the delivery truck, as they were both at work. It allowed them to move in right away.

Derek made his way towards the kitchen, thirsty after his ordeal of moving the majority of boxes up from the parking garage. He smiled as he glanced at the open space beside him. They had found a couch and love seat set, but that was all, and the normally large furniture pieces appeared relatively small in the empty living room. He stepped around the half wall into the kitchen, and made his way to the sink before reaching upwards and pulling a glass down from the cupboard above. He made a mental note to add dishes to their list. Meredith had left most of the dishes from her house, as they were mainly her mother's, and she was bound and determined to leave as much Ellis-infected things behind as possible. Derek had packed his trailer dishes, but they numbered very little, and would probably be taken back to the trailer once they were settled and had a chance to go shopping.

He drained the glass and placed it in the sink before turning and heading for the stairs, quickly taking the steps two at a time, he reached the landing and made his way through the door, smiling softly at the sight of Meredith smoothing out the brand new bright and shiny sheets on their brand new bright and shiny bed. Life was finally coming together, and bright and shiny seemed to actually be on the horizon. He made his way across the room and collapsed onto the bed.

"Hey!" Meredith exclaimed, taking a light swipe at him. "It was just about perfect!"

Derek laughed and sat up, quickly grabbing a loose hold on her, and pulled her back down with him. She didn't resist and settled easily in his arms, her head resting comfortably on his shoulder. "Trust me," he said. "It _is_ perfect."

"Mmm," Meredith mumbled her agreement. "Perfect," she whispered. Then she yawned.

Derek yawned in response. They had finished packing up her room the night before and had managed to add most of the boxes and suitcases to the stuff they had packed up from the trailer that was already in the cars, before Izzy, George or Alex had gotten home from the hospital. Then they had spent most of the night saying goodbye to the house, just as they had the night before to the trailer. After a long day at work, it was already dark when they had pulled into their assigned parking spaces in the underground garage. And it had taken a little more than an hour to unload the vehicles.

It had been an exceedingly busy day at work; wet weather resulted in slippery roads, which led to an excess of minor accident victims requiring attention. Meredith had not had a chance to talk to her friends. Cristina was on call tonight, and was under strict orders not to mention anything to Izzy, George or Alex. And of course, Meredith's now former roommates, unaware of the 'former' part of their titles, would just assume she and Derek had gone out to the trailer.

Meredith yawned against his chest and shifted slightly, relaxing against him when she found a more comfortable position. Derek ran his hand up and down her back, smiling as his finger tips brushed against the thin chain around her neck; the one that she still refused to take off. Addison had always craved and 'requested' rare and expensive pieces that she only wore once or twice a year, and otherwise sat unused in a fancy wood and velvet box. And when she would wear them, she'd bring them to his attention and ask him if he remembered it. Somehow she could keep straight which piece had been for which holiday which year, but he couldn't. She had picked them all out, and he rarely got to see them anyway.

With Meredith, he knew neither one of them would ever forget the necklace currently fastened securely around her neck. Meredith definitely wasn't the flashy-jewellery-wearing woman, which he had come to accept as general to women during his marriage. Meredith was the low key cherish-and-wear-it all the time type. And he loved it. Every time his eyes caught a glimpse of the pendant, or his fingers ran over the chain as they had just done so, he was reminded of how much he loved the woman in his arms. He was reminded of how special she was, and it only served to reinforce just how important it was for him to spend not one day less than the rest of his life with her. He knew without a doubt in his mind that he would love her forever. And he was determined to make her trust him again, fully and absolutely. He would make her realize families could be good things. He would make her happy. There wasn't a doubt in his mind.

"I love you," he whispered.

She sighed happily against him. "I love you, too." She lifted her chin off his chest and smiled at him.

He smiled back, enjoying the happy sparkle in her eyes. It was rare, but he was gradually seeing more and more glimpses of it.

"You happy?" He questioned.

Her smile widened and she nodded. "I don't think I've ever been as happy as I am right now."

The utter vulnerability and honesty in her words caused tears to spring to his eyes. "Me too," he choked out.

"Oh, Derek," she said gently, her hand coming to rest on his cheek.

"I'm okay," he told her through blurry eyes. "I'm just amazed that we're here, that we're doing this." He smiled softly at her. "You're amazing."

Meredith smiled warmly at him, her hand running from his cheek, up into his hair as she pulled herself upwards along his body, pausing with her lips resting just millimetres above his. "You're not so bad yourself," she whispered, closing the space between them and kissing him deeply. He smiled into her mouth as he responded eagerly. After saying goodbye to two houses, it was time to say hello.

oooo

Meredith hesitated at the edge of the cafeteria, her fingers tightly gripping the tray as she spied on Izzy, George and Alex from a distance. She had hoped to grab a quick lunch without bumping into them, but of course her plans had been thwarted when she found the three of them just starting their lunch. She couldn't avoid them forever. She took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"Hey Mer," Izzy greeted her as she set down her tray across from the blonde. George and Alex chimed in their own greetings from either side of her.

"Hey," she responded, falling silent as she lost her nerve and found herself without any inspiration as to what to say. The mood at the table seemed quiet and strained, which didn't surprise Meredith. Things were still a little awkward between her and Alex after catching him with her sister earlier that week, and it was no secret he was still pinning over Ava. And Meredith didn't have to glance around the cafeteria to know that a significant number of its occupants were staring at their table. As much as it made her relieved to know that for once they weren't staring because of her, she was sorry for Izzy and George and the new line of talk they had inadvertently instilled in the hospital gossip line.

"How's it going?" She asked as a general question to the table, trying to assess the overall mood more accurately.

Alex made a noncommittal sound somewhere between a snort and a grunt and went back to his lunch. Her favourite intern sighed and offered her a tired smile. Izzy rolled her eyes and even laughed a little at the inability of the men at the table to verbally express themselves.

"It's going," she answered. "Letting the talk run its course..." She shrugged and motioned discreetly to the room of hospital staff not so discreetly staring their direction.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, there's not much else you can do. I know the feeling."

Izzy snorted. "I know. You're like the expert."

George laughed and nodded his agreement. "Yeah, Mer, we really don't have anything to worry about for long," he said motioning to himself and Izzy, "It shouldn't be long before you do something that will take the spot light off us."

"Crap," Meredith muttered to herself, realizing just how right George was. She hadn't even considered the reaction of the Seattle Grace Gossip Line to her and Derek's newly shared address. Not that it would have changed her decision, but she would have had some warning.

Izzy immediately picked up on her mood change. "What?"

Meredith sighed. "I think George was right."

She laughed. "That you'll do something to take the heat off us?"

Meredith nodded.

"Well, if you could do it soon, we'd really appreciate it..." Izzy started jokingly, but trailed off as she recognized something in Meredith's expression. She leaned over the table conspiratorially, as if the extra few inches would give them privacy. And it attracted George's full attention. "You already did something, didn't you? Spill," she demanded, and her strong word caught Alex's attention. Meredith now had the full attention of her three roommates... former roommates. If it wasn't now or never before, it certainly was now.

She took a breath, and copied Izzy's move by leaning in as well. The blonde grinned broadly at the prospect of new gossip. Meredith paused and closed her eyes. "Derek and I decided to move in together," she blurted out.

Silence reigned the table for several seconds, only to be broken by a squeal from Izzy. "You what!" Izzy exclaimed.

"Shhh!" Meredith hissed, glancing towards the surrounding tables in an attempt to ascertain whether Izzy had attracted too much new attention. She sighed and shook her head as she was quickly reminded that their table was the center-point of the gossip line anyway.

"You're moving in together?" Izzy hissed.

Meredith rolled her eyes, but nodded.

"That's so exciting!"

"Shhh," Meredith repeated. "I'd like this to stay a secret for more than twenty-four hours, please."

Izzy nodded emphatically, her eyes still wide. "This is so exciting," she repeated. "When did you decide to move in? Where are you going to live? Are you going to live at the trailer? Cause it may sound romantic, but I've lived in a trailer, and let me tell you, not a lot of room..."

Meredith smiled at her friend's infectious enthusiasm. "Did you stop to breath?"

George raised an eyebrow in amusement and shook his head.

Izzy rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Meredith. Spill. When did this happen? _How_ did this happen?"

"What do you mean how did this happen? You don't have to sound so surprised. I am capable of having a long term relationship."

Alex snorted before Izzy could respond, causing both women to glare at him. "Sorry Mer, but you don't exactly have the best track record."

Meredith narrowed her eyes as she surveyed him. He evenly met her gaze. After several seconds she sighed and gently rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'll give you that. But I'm working on changing that."

"Good luck," Alex muttered. To the untrained ear he was cold and sarcastic, but Meredith knew better.

"Thanks, Alex," she told him, appreciative of his quiet support. Alex didn't respond, simply shrugged his shoulders, but it made Meredith smile.

"Focus Meredith. I need details." Izzy commanded.

"Derek and I decided to live together."

The blonds scoffed. "Yes, you've said that. When did you decide?"

"Last week."

"Last week! And you're only telling me know! Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I didn't realize Meredith and Derek and _you_ were a couple," Alex spoke up.

"Shut up, Alex," Izzy muttered, waving a hand at her roommate. She turned her attention back to Meredith. "Have you found a place yet? Have you started looking? When are you moving? Does this mean you're moving out?" She paused. "That was stupid. Of course it means you're moving out. How soon are you moving?"

All possible comments about Izzy's lack of oxygen flew out of Meredith's mind at her friend's last question. She bit her lip and stayed silent as she struggled to come up with an appropriate response.

"What?" Izzy prompted.

Meredith hesitated briefly. "Well, I kind of already did..." She trailed off at Izzy's incredulous expression.

"When?"

"Last night," Meredith said meekly. "Look," she spoke up before Izzy could cut her off with more questions. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before I moved out, but it happened really fast. We only decided to move in together last week, and then we found the apartment right away, and we signed the lease and took possession yesterday morning. So we packed up and moved in after work last night..."

"You already moved out?" Izzy asked. "Then how are we going to have a goodbye party?"

Meredith snorted before she could help herself. "Sorry, Iz. I guess it's too late for that," she joked, silently hoping Izzy would just let it go. The last thing she wanted was a party thrown for her by Izzy. The last one she had attended hadn't ended so well for her. Being caught naked with her Attending in the back seat of his car by her resident... not exactly her proudest memory. And the odds of drinking too much alcohol as a method of surviving an Izzy-thrown party, and somehow ending up back in Derek's car... well, it wasn't an impossibility.

"Can I have your room?" George spoke up, quietly accomplishing two tasks: saving Meredith from Izzy's party planning and putting first dibs on the room.

"Nope. I'm calling it," Alex spoke up quickly, his hand flying up. "I get her room. You can have your old room back," he told George.

"You can't just call it," George shot back. "I asked first, and she likes me more."

Alex shrugged. "Maybe so, but I still called it. There are rules, man."

"No there aren't. It's her choice. And I asked first," he said, glancing pointedly at Meredith. "I need somewhere to sleep that's not a sleeping bag on the floor of Izzy's room."

Alex scoffed. "You can have your old room back when I move into Meredith's room."

"Boys!" Izzy exclaimed. "Stop arguing. It's Meredith's choice, and obviously she's going to choose me." She looked expectantly at Meredith.

"Oh, well, about that..." Meredith trailed off. "I kind of already gave it away."

"What? To who?"

Meredith flinched. "Cristina."

"What! You're leaving me alone with George, Alex and Cristina!?"

"Yeah, that's a kick in the ass for you," Alex said, smirking.

"Alex, shut up!" Izzy hissed at him. She turned to Meredith. "Come on, Mer. If you're going to make me live with these crazy people, you need to at least give me the good room."

"Sorry, Iz. I already promised it to Cristina. You can bring it up with her."

Izzy paused and pursed her lips in thought. She shrugged. "I could take her."

_**AN: So, things are starting to look up. It seems that I won't be joining the DD club with Cristina and George any time soon. Yay for that... Anyway, hopefully I will be able to update a little more regularly now.**_


	29. Freaking Out

To her, and Derek's, surprise, their decision to cohabit didn't come as a shock to the Seattle Grace Gossip Line. Other than a small influx of well wishers, there hadn't been any talk, there hadn't been any gossip, and most of all there hadn't been any staring. It had been a week, and it was now common knowledge that she and Derek had moved in together, but the hospital didn't seem to care. It was as if the idea of them moving in together was ordinary. Expected. Nothing worth discussing. Izzy and George were still a hot topic. Meredith and Derek were quite a cold topic. And Meredith loved it that way. She had forgotten what it was like to live life in relative anonymity. And it was a welcome change, even if she did feel sorry for Izzy and George, who she knew was struggling with their new found spotlight and some other, very personal issues that she had unfortunately been on the receiving end of.

"Meredith!"

Meredith only half flinched at the sound of her half-sister calling out her name from down the hall. Things had been slightly better between them since Meredith had talked Lexie through the final days of her mother's life. Meredith had ceased her determination to hate the other woman, or she had at least decreased its magnitude. It wasn't Lexie's fault. It really wasn't. And if Meredith kept repeating that over and over in her head, then eventually she would start to believe it in full.

"Hi Lexie," she greeted as the brunette hurried up to her, charts stacked haphazardly in her arms.

"Have you seen Dr. Yang?" Lexie question quickly, eyes darting around for any sign of her resident. "I need to find her, cause she said she wanted the lab results right away and I can't find her anywhere."

Meredith sighed inwardly, knowing her best friend was being a tad harsh on her interns, but also knowing there was nothing she could do about it. "Have you tried paging her?"

Lexie quickly shook her head, her eyes wide. "Oh, no. She told us never to page her unless it was an emergency. And I really don't want to piss her off any more."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "That sounds like Cristina," she muttered.

"Okay, so you don't know where she is?"

Meredith shook her head. "I haven't seen her in a couple hours." She only hesitated briefly before deciding to divulge more information. "Hahn's in surgery right now. Have you tried the gallery?"

Lexie shook her head. "No, I haven't. But I've tried everywhere else. I'll go check. Thanks, Meredith." And with that, she was gone.

Meredith laughed to herself, for once not minding the smile spread across her features. Maybe that was because it had been two weeks since she and Derek had moved in together, and a little over three weeks since The Talk. It was currently day twenty-five of their _new life_ together. The one where they were going to communicate and be mature and be happy. And so far it was working.

The novelty of the situation was starting to fade into a comfortable routine, in which Meredith, for the first time in her life, felt at peace. For the first time in her life, she felt relaxed and happy and... home. She had never been so sure of anything before. Derek was there every night when she fell asleep, and Derek was there every morning when she woke up, and it was only his name on the answering machine along with hers. The manic grin that had plagued her three weeks ago had now faded to a gentle smile. Life was good. Finally.

Meredith sighed contentedly as she rounded the corner into the last hallway before the nurses' station, completely unaware and unprepared for what was about to happen. She caught a flash of blond hair before she was blind sided by a larger frame and pulled behind a cart, a hand clamping down over her mouth to prevent any noise.

Meredith lurched, fighting against her restrained arms.

"Stay still," Izzy's voice hissed at her, causing Meredith to at least calm down at the knowledge she was being restrained by someone she knew. She paused and stopped fighting as footsteps passed them. She ripped her friend's hand off her mouth as she recognized George's back as he led three women past them. Once they had disappeared around the hallway Izzy released her hold.

"What the hell was that about?" She demanded, jumping away and backing into the hallway.

Izzy followed her out from behind the cart, rolling her eyes. "You are so lucky I was running interference."

Meredith shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

"I just knew he was going to pass you in the hall. So, I stayed ahead of them. You so owe me now." Izzy told her. "Even though you're a horrible friend who steals my photo cards and gives away the room I had dibs on." She added.

"You never had dibs..." Meredith trailed off, shaking her head. "Wait, why were you running interference? Who were those people?"

Izzy's eyes widened. "As best as I can tell, they were McMommy and McSisters."

"What?"

"The older woman was Derek's mother. I'm guessing the other two are sisters. You said he had four, right?" She asked, but didn't pause to wait for an answer. "She was asking at the nurses' station where to find Dr. Shepherd. George offered to take them to his office and she introduced herself as Carol Shepherd. The other two didn't talk, but they look like her. And they all look like Derek."

Meredith felt her heart skip a beat at the name Carol Shepherd. She knew that name. And if Izzy thought the other two were sisters, then they probably were. If you were a mother flying across the country to convince your wayward son to give up his slutty intern girlfriend and likely move back home before it was too late, then the best people to take with you to accomplish said task were your daughters. Meredith sighed. Apparently twenty-four days of happiness was all she was going to get for now. And more in the future wasn't looking so good, not when it was going to be three against one. Twenty-four days didn't hold up well to people who had known him for decades.

"Damn it," she muttered.

Izzy laughed. "It'll be fine, Mer. Not all families are like yours."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Thanks for that."

Izzy shrugged. "You know what I mean. Some families actually want their members to be happy. And Derek is certainly happy."

"If you're so sure, then why did you drag me behind the cart to hide?"

"To give you some warning."

Meredith sighed and nodded gratefully. "Yeah, okay. Thanks, Iz."

The blond smiled brightly. "Do you know how you could thank me?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm not making Cristina switch rooms with you."

Izzy scoffed. "Fine. See if I do you any more favours. You said he's got a big family, Mer. More will show up eventually. And maybe next time I won't be so nice."

Meredith actually smiled at her former roommate's words. "Thank-you, Izzy," she repeated.

Izzy narrowed her eyes at her for several seconds before shrugging as a bright smile returned to her features. "Whatever. Let me know how meeting the future in-laws go."

Meredith jumped. "Future in-laws?"

It was Izzy's turn to roll her eyes. "Seriously? Meredith it's no secret you two are headed that way. If you didn't have so many freaking issues, you'd already be there." And with that she turned on her heel and disappeared down the hall, leaving Meredith speechless and alone.

000

An hour later, after checking on her patients and making sure her interns weren't killing anyone, Meredith stumbled into the tunnels underneath the hospital floors, craving comfort. She turned the corner and headed for the familiar gurneys no one ever seemed to use. It wasn't until she had almost reached the beds that she recognized the surgeon sprawled out across the gurney furthest from her.

"Cristina?" She called out, causing the rumpled doctor to sit upright.

"Hey, Mer," she offered.

"What are you doing down here?"

"What are _you_ doing down here?" Cristina countered, swinging her legs over the side of the gurney, a letter clutched tightly in her hand.

Meredith sighed, plopping herself down beside her best friend. "Derek's family is here."

"His whole family?"

Meredith tensed, realizing for the first time that she had no idea if there were more than three that had made the trip to Seattle. It could be a lot more than three against one. A whole lot more. One mother, four sisters, four brothers in law, nine nieces and five nephews totalled to twenty-three in her books. And that was only his immediate family. He had definitely mentioned a few aunts and uncles. And they all had multiple kids. One especially, his mother's sister maybe? She and his mother had a friendly competition about how many grandkids they had. He had a huge family. Certainly they hadn't all flown out to see him, but when the numbers were added up, she just didn't have the same backing as Derek. She had five, and that was including him. Derek, Cristina, Izzy, George and Alex. That was it. If he started counting distant third cousins, twice removed, then she could probably count the chief, and maybe Lexie. That would still be only seven. Not even comparable with the number of nieces that he had. She sighed and turned back to Cristina.

"Only three that I know of."

"The other three sisters?"

Meredith shook her head. "Two sisters, and his mother."

Cristina raised an eyebrow. "Wow, they sent in the big gun."

"Yeah."

"Well, what's she like? She can't be worse than momma Burke."

Meredith smiled wryly at Cristina's bitter tone before she sighed, dropping her smile. "I don't know. I haven't met them."

"Then how do you know they're here? Are you spying?"

She shook her head. "They came to the nurses' station. George took them to Derek's office and Izzy ran interference. She caught me in the hall, pulled me out of sight. And right in time, too." She shuddered at the thought of what would have happened had Izzy not been there.

Cristina laughed. "You know, I never thought I'd say this, but those two make a good team; leading the enemy, running interference. I'm impressed."

"Yeah," Meredith agreed. "Although, I'm more grateful then impressed."

Cristina shrugged. "So, you're hiding out here in the basement, avoiding them?"

"Yup."

Her best friend smiled. "Glad to see the old Meredith is still alive and well. I was getting worried, I thought McDreamy had poisoned you with all his happiness crap."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "It's nice being happy."

"Yeah, but you know with a guy like that, you'll always have to contend with the family."

"I... I guess I just never really realized it before. I knew they were there, but they were so far away... I'm not ready to meet them. I'm not. I haven't had enough time to be..." She trailed off.

"Be what?"

Meredith sighed. "I don't know... normal, maybe? I feel like I'm going to freak them out and they'll hate me and..."

"You think the McFamily will scare McDreamy away from you?"

Meredith nodded, forcing the sting of tears away from her eyes. "Everything seemed so perfect, you know? I was happy, which is a big deal for me. And apparently twenty-four days is all I get. Twenty-four freaking days." Her breathing hitched and she silenced herself.

Cristina rolled her eyes and hesitantly reached her free hand around to place gently on Meredith's shoulder. "Look, this is not to be construed as me being at all comforting, but Mer, seriously, you're freaking out. McDreamy loves you, so much that it's actually quite pathetic. But it's true. He's a grown man, and definitely not a momma's boy like Burke. He's not going to let them chase you away. You just need to stand up for yourself, and don't ever let her take your eyebrows."

Meredith laughed despite herself as a single tear overflowed her lower lid and trailed down her cheek. "Yeah, okay. Thanks, Cris."

Her best friend roller her eyes and quickly removed her hand. "Whatever."

Meredith smiled as she wiped her hand across her face. "Okay, now it's my turn. Why are you hiding out down here?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Cristina..."

Cristina sighed and lifted her clenched hand, releasing grip on the twisted envelope and slowly pulled the sides outward, straightening the rumbled stationary. "This is my problem."

Meredith leaned over for a better look, tilting her head as she tried to read the text through the deep wrinkles on the paper. "What is it?" She asked, as she caught a glimpse of the Seattle Grace symbol in the top left corner.

"Have you picked yours up yet?" Cristina asked, either ignoring or not hearing Meredith's question.

Meredith shook her head. "What is it?" She repeated.

Cristina turned towards her, her eyes wide, matching the stunned expression across her face. "What is it?" She repeated. "Seriously? Do you not know what day it is?"

Meredith very cautiously shook her head.

Cristina scoffed and roller her eyes. "Seriously, Meredith. I don't know how you get by in life."

It was Meredith's turn to roll her eyes. "Well, are you going to tell me what it is, or keep insulting me?"

"It's been six weeks," Cristina stated, as if that explained everything.

Meredith pursed her lips as she tried to think back to what had occurred six weeks ago.

"Seriously!" Cristina exclaimed. "Our results were available this morning."

"Results..." Meredith trailed off, thinking furiously. "Oh!" She exclaimed as she realized. The day after their intern exam, they had received preliminary scores; scores which had told them whether or not they would be eligible to return as residents. However, the tests were sent away to be compared with other hospitals' from all over the country. They were all ranked within their hospital. And Seattle Grace was ranked with the nation's other teaching hospitals. And they had been told the results would be ready in six weeks.

Meredith smiled. Of course Cristina had been the only one to mark it on her calendar. She had probably waited by the Chief's office until he came in that morning. For everyone else, all that mattered was not being the bottom five. For Cristina, all that mattered was being number one. She looked back at her friend. "So, I assume you weren't first in the US?" She joked.

Cristina glared at her. "You know they don't rank us like that."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I know. I was making a joke."

"Well, this isn't something I want to joke about right now."

Meredith rolled her eyes again. "Sorry," she said, trying to sound sincere. "So, what's the problem?"

Cristina pulled the crumpled letter out of the envelope and passed it over to Meredith.

Meredith took the document and smoothed it out over her knee before lifting it and scanning downwards. "Wow, Grace made third in the country. That's good." Then she reached the bottom. _Dr. Cristina Yang, Seattle Grace Surgical Intern, Score:92, Rank:2__nd__._

"You were second at Grace. That's a good thing. Congratulations," Meredith said, cringing. She knew this was not a congratulatory thing for Cristina.

"Shut up."

Meredith laughed. She just couldn't help it.

"Shut up, Meredith."

But she kept laughing. Cristina swiped her arms across Meredith's shoulder in an effort to make her person stop. But Meredith just couldn't help it. There were tears rolling down her face before she could vocalize her thoughts. "I'm sorry, Cris. I just... Do you have any idea..." She trailed off as she fought to get her giggles under control. She took several deep, cleansing breaths before turning to her best friend.

She sighed. "Cristina, I'm so glad you're my person. You know why? Cause we're both so not normal."

Cristina raised an eyebrow, but remained silent.

Meredith shook her head. "Here we are. I'm living with a wonderful man, and am freaking out cause his family is in town. And here you are, horrified that you ranked second in the third top hospital in the country. And we're both hiding out in the basement." She shrugged. "It's times like these that I'm glad you're my best friend."

Cristina stayed silent for a few seconds before shrugging and allowing herself a small laugh. "Yeah, okay. You've got a point."

"Yeah," Meredith repeated, sighing. "So, what do we do now?"

"Well, there's nothing I can do now. The test is already over. You, however, have a family to meet. And you need to figure out how to convince them you aren't a slutty intern-turned resident who stole their son-slash-brother away from his perfect wife." She smirked at Meredith. "At least my problem doesn't involve any future planning, except of course hunting down whoever beat me and making sure to discredit them at the first opportunity," she added, only half sarcastic.

Meredith laughed. "Yeah, good luck with that."

Cristina shrugged. "Yeah, you too."

000

As Meredith made her way back up from the tunnels after a relatively helpful therapy session with Cristina, she passed the OR board, immediately noting that Derek's surgery was still listed, meaning he was either still in, or just out of surgery. Furthermore, that meant that he had not been in his office when George had taken his mother and sisters up, which meant they were loose in the hospital somewhere. This all led to one very important conclusion; Meredith would have to watch her back for the rest of her shift.

She was hungry but decided not to risk a trip to the coffee cart or cafeteria. Public areas were far too dangerous. She would be better off sticking to less frequented areas, at least until Derek was out of surgery and confirmed to have taken his family far away from her. She found herself an empty exam room, and seated herself in the corner near the hallway windows in order to blend in, and yet be able to watch the hall. She lifted the receiver off the wall beside her and paged her interns. Then she waited. Only George and thing two were on today. George called in to say he was working on a patient in the pit, one that was not surgical, but he didn't have time to talk. Thing two called from the gallery phone to say he was observing Dr. Sloan, who had just started a facial reconstruction. Yes, Dr. Shepherd was in here. He closed half an hour ago.

Meredith hung up the phone and sighed, burying her face in her hands. Half an hour. That meant Derek had talked to the patient's family and grabbed a coffee. With any luck, he had either run into his family, or had been informed of their presence, wherever it was that George had stashed them. She sighed and glanced at her watch. The Chief was probable still in. She could go and pick up her results. That would keep her in less public areas of the surgical wing.

She shoved herself out of the comfortable chair and made her way to the door. After a quick glance both ways down the hall, she closed the door behind her and made for the stairs. There was no way she was going to be caught in an elevator car with the Shepherds, and knowing her luck, that was exactly what would happen. She reached the correct floor and hurried across the catwalk, smiling in relief when she noticed the office light was still on.

Patricia had long since gone home for the day, but it was no secret that Adele was filing for divorce, leaving Dr. Webber even less reason than usual to go home at night. She bypassed Patricia's desk and knocked on Richard's door.

"Meredith," he greeted warmly as he swung the door open.

"Hi, Chief," she smiled at him. "Sorry to bother you, but Dr. Yang told me the intern test results were in, so I thought I'd come pick mine up."

"Of course," Richard nodded, turning away to riffle through a pile of envelopes sitting on a filing cabinet. "Here we are, Grey," he muttered as he reached the G's.

He turned back and handed Meredith the letter with a warm smile.

"Thanks, Chief."

"Not a problem, Dr. Grey."

She turned to leave.

"Oh, and Meredith," he called her back. "Congratulations."

Meredith furrowed her brow. "Thanks, Chief," she said with a nod. She had passed six weeks ago. Why would he congratulate her now? She shrugged, deciding he must do that with all of his interns.

She found herself an empty hallway, far away from the hustle and bustle of the working hospital, and far away from certain family members who may be wandering the halls. Plopping down on an empty gurney, Meredith slipped her finger underneath the lip of the envelope, and slid her nail across. She pulled out the letter and unfolded it, smoothing it out over her knee, just as she had done with Cristina's. She skipped over the paragraphs, as she had already read them. Seattle Grace Hospital, number three. Yay again.

It wasn't until she reached the bottom that her throat went dry.

_Dr. Meredith Grey, Seattle Grace Surgical Intern, Score:94, Rank:1__st__._

A rush of emotions swept over her as she remembered the horrible day leading up to the test. Susan's death and subsequent funeral. Her drunken father hunting them down in the parking lot, telling Derek she wasn't worth it. _Don't stand up for her. She doesn't deserve it, not after what she's done. She's just like her mother. Destroys everything good. My advice to you is to run for the hills._

But Derek hadn't run. He had driven her back to the hospital. He had forced her to stop her frenzied attempt to study. _Meredith, you know your stuff. Trust me, you'll be fine. You just have to trust in yourself. You have to believe in yourself. Just like I do._ He had loved her, and supported her and had faith in her. He had given her a reason to have faith in herself. He had said everything she needed to hear to be ready to write the test.

_You know your stuff, Mer. I know you do. And I know you are going to kick ass on that test, even give Cristina a run for her money._

_She'd kill me if I beat her._

_Even so, you have what it takes to be at the top, Mer. Don't belittle your knowledge and your talents. Go into that test with some faith in yourself and blow them away._

She sniffed as she realized there were tears streaming down her face. Everything he had said was right. For her to end such a crappy year on this kind of a note. Well, he had called it. She was making a statement. A statement that said she was where she belonged. With a sudden new sense of confidence, Meredith nodded and wiped the tears off of her face.

If she could face dating her Attending, her Attending's wife, a sick best friend, nearly being blown up, almost losing a friend, her friend's father dying, her dog dying, appendicitis, a suddenly lucid, and yet still disappointed mother, drowning, the death of her mother, the death of her step mom, and being shunned by her father... If she could face all of that and still come out okay, then she could face Derek's family. She could. She really thought that she could. All she could do was try, and hope they like her. And she was sure Derek loved her, so his family could at least tolerate her for his sake. She took a deep, shuddery breath as she glanced back down at the sheet she was clutching in her hands. She re-read it, as if making sure a second read through wouldn't change the results. Then she read it for a third time. Nothing changed.

"Crap," she muttered to herself. "How am I going to keep this from Cristina?"

_**AN: Okay, so I've been struggling with motivation for this fic for a while, but I've finally decided where to end it, and pretty much how to get there. And I've decided to write part of what I wanted to do as a sequel. It was just necessary that some of Derek's family come into the picture now. But I think I like the way it's going to head now. Updates should be much more frequent now that life is improving, and motivation is back. I have no idea how many chapters are left in this story. Lol. And I know that there was no interaction between the two of them in this chapter, but it was starting to run long, and the next chapter has a lot as well, so it was best to split them. Thanks for reading.**_


	30. Family Ties

Derek took his large coffee gratefully and thanked the coffee cart attendant with an appreciative nod. He breathed in the comforting scent of hazelnut wafting from the small hole on the top of the lid as he turned to head back for the surgical floors, hoping to run into Meredith. He had just finished informing his patient's family on a slightly complicated, but nevertheless successful operation. He was tired, but held high hopes the coffee would be enough to kick start his energy level again. He and Meredith were both scheduled to be off relatively early that evening, and he was hopeful they could do something that night. With their hectic jobs, it wasn't often they had time to go out.

Humming quietly to himself, Derek was half way across the lobby on his way back to the elevators when he did a double take at a small group of family members seated across the waiting room. He stopped dead, staring, trying to convince himself that he was not looking at his mother, Anna and Natalie. He blinked. He blinked again. But there was no escaping it. There they were.

Shaking his head, Derek manoeuvred around the sections of chairs and approached his family, a small smile on his face, despite the surprise at recognizing them. His mother and Anna sat beside each other, both absorbed in a magazine, looking ever the mother-daughter pair with their matching wavy brown hair. Natalie, the only Shepherd child to inherit their father's sandy hair sat kitty corner, her nose buried in a novel.

Derek stopped before them and cleared his throat, causing all three heads to pop up.

"Derek!" Natalie exclaimed, dropping her book on the chair beside her to jump up. She threw her arms around Derek's neck and hugged him tightly. "How's my favourite little brother?"

"I'm your only little brother," Derek responded automatically; it had been their thing for as long as he could remember. Natalie was only eighteen months older than him, so they had practically grown up together, which made her the sister he was probably closest to.

Natalie pulled back, but left her hands on his shoulder to survey her brother. "You're looking pretty good, baby brother." Her voice was light and amused as she tilted her head at him.

Derek rolled his eyes, knowing from experience to simply not bother arguing with her choice of terms. "What are you doing here?" He questioned.

"We gave up waiting for you to visit us, so we came to see you," his mother cut in, practically shoving her middle child out of the way so she could hug her only son. Natalie was nice enough to take the coffee cup out of his hand so he could properly greet his mother. Her fine boned arms wrapped tightly around his frame, one arm over his shoulder and one tucked under his opposite arm. She hugged him close, and he responded warmly, closing his arms around his mother.

"We've missed you," his mother told him when she finally released her grip. She stretched herself up on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"I missed you too, mom," he told her, knowing it was what she wanted to hear.

His mother smiled and rolled her eyes good naturedly at her son. "No, you didn't, but it's nice to hear anyway."

"Well, then, you've got me," he joked.

She shook her head, her blue eyes bright with laughter. "Your sister is right. You are looking good," she commented.

"Just because he moved across the country wouldn't mean he'd ever give up the diet," Anna, said.

Derek glared at his younger sister as she moved in between him and their mother to hug him. "I'm not on a diet. I choose to eat well. I'm a doctor."

She shrugged and pulled back. "So? I'm a doctor and I allow myself to eat food that actually has taste. And Nat's a doctor and she eats good food too." She waved a hand at their fair haired sister. "And Kathleen and Nancy-"

"I get your point," Derek cut in.

His mother laughed. "Be nice to your brother, girls," She chastised lightly. "And it's not the diet. Something else looks different." She narrowed her eyes, as if a smaller view would help pinpoint exactly what it was about her son that had changed.

Her daughters joined in and the three women stared at him, their matching blue eyes squinting as they studied his face, searching for any sign that stood out and said '_Hey! Look at me. I changed.'_ He rolled his eyes and stole his coffee back from his sister.

"Maybe he just has more wrinkles," Anna piped up with a smirk, causing Derek to roll his eyes. Being the only sister younger than Derek, Anna made sure to get every slight in she could to make up for their more than three year difference.

Derek huffed. "I'm wrinkle free," he shot back. "And stop staring at me," he commanded to all three of them.

"He looks calmer, less stressed maybe," Natalie suggested, ignoring Derek.

"Yeah," Derek agreed. "Less stressed because I don't have to deal with you lot all the time."

His mother scoffed and smacked him across the chest gently. "Derek," she chastised. "Be nice. We're family."

"Yeah," Anna nodded. "You know you love us."

"How long are you staying?" Derek asked sarcastically.

Natalie rolled her eyes. "Shut up, Derek. Mom said you sounded lonely, so we came to see you."

"When did I sound lonely?"

"Derek, sweetie, you called me." His mother told him. "You've been out here for over a year, and every time we've talked it's been because I called you, or because you were returning my call. But last month you called me without any prompting, and you sounded down, so your sisters and I decided to fly out and visit."

Derek sighed as he realized his mother was right. He hadn't initiated any contact with his family since he had moved to Seattle and called to give them his new address and number. They had been shocked to say the least. He hadn't told any of his family about Addison and Mark. He had hidden himself away in a hotel for two days before he got a call from Richard. It seemed like a sign, so he had immediately agreed, packed up as much as would fit in his car and drove to Seattle. It was two weeks after that fateful night that he finally worked up the courage to call his mother.

"_Hello, Dear," she had said. "It's nice to hear you voice."_

_"Yeah," he had responded dully, his voice leaving him as he realized he had no idea what to say to his mother; he had not idea how to explain. _

_"Is something wrong?" Her voice grew concerned._

_"No," he told her. "I'm just calling to give you my new address and number." It may be harsh, but it was the truth. It was a good start. _

_"Your new address?" She questioned, her tone still concerned._

_"Yeah, I, uh, I moved, mom. Sorry I didn't tell you before. It just happened really fast." He sputtered as he realized how much this would upset her, and how much he needed for her to not lecture him. He just couldn't handle that right now. She needed to understand. _

_"Moved where?" There was just a touch of dread in her voice._

_"Seattle."_

_"Seattle?! Derek, is this some kind of joke?" Her voice was raised, and regardless of her question had no sense of hope in it. She believed him. _

_"No." He answered anyways. "I took the position of head of Neuro at Seattle Grace. I drove out here last week. I start tomorrow."_

_She sighed, obviously contemplating her next words. "Is Addy with you?" Her tone was flat, only a shimmer of hope evident, like she expected his negative answer, but needed to ask anyway. _Have I lost a daughter in law? Are you getting divorced? Is there any hope?

_"No." He had responded, his voice cold. He needed her to know there was no hope. She had to let go and leave the subject alone._

_"Oh, honey, what happened?" Sympathy. Pity. Wonderment. _

_"I don't want to talk about it."_

_"But..." A little anxious. _

_"Mom. I just don't want to talk about it." He cut in. "I-I can't talk about it." His voice cracked._

_"Okay," she had said. "We don't need to talk about it. But when you're ready, I'll always be here to listen." She sounded sincere and understanding, but still motherly. _I love you son. I want to help you. I hate when you're in pain.

_He didn't respond. He couldn't._

_"How do you like Seattle?" She asked, obviously trying to calm him down with a new subject. _

_He had sighed. "I don't know. I don't really... It rains a lot. But it's quieter than the city, so that's something."_

_"Have you met any people yet?"_

_"There's a mixer tonight for the new batch on interns, but I don't think I'll go."_

_"Interns? So, I take it this is a teaching hospital?" He had had his own practice in New York, but his sister worked at a teaching hospital, so his mother knew the terms. _

_"Yeah, one of the best in the country."_

_"Well, Derek, you should go. Then you'll at least meet your new co-workers, they'll be there too, right?"_

_"I think so," Derek sighed as he contemplated spending the evening at the mixer: meeting the new interns, but having no way of answering any of their questions because he hadn't started himself yet, Richard introducing him to all of the Attendings and residents who attend the party; sticking out as the new guy. He definitely didn't want to do that. And he didn't have anything to wear, as he had left all of his formal clothes in New York. He apparently had no eye for fashion, so Addison had picked them all out and he wanted nothing to do with them right now. "I really don't think I'm going to go. I'm just not up to it. Maybe I'll go out and get a drink or two instead."_

That had been the only time he had initiated contact with his mother until the previous month. Meredith had been gone for eleven days and he was lying in bed, awake early in the morning, unable to fall asleep; unsure of whether he had slept at all that night. The sky was still dark outside, but the sun was already beginning its journey across the sky above his mother's house across the country. And when he had suddenly felt the strong urge to call her, he had his phone in his hand, ringing, before he had realized exactly what he had been doing. If she realized the time difference, she hadn't mentioned it. And when he got off the phone, he felt better. He missed his family, and it was wonderful that he could call and after just a short conversation he could feel a little better about his life.

Derek sighed and pulled his attention back to the three women still staring at him. "You could have at least told me you were coming."

"What, and give you the chance to make yourself too busy to have time for us? I don't think so," Anna said.

"I would not..."

"Oh, yes you would," Natalie joined her sister.

Derek rolled his eyes, but knew enough to stop arguing. He wouldn't win against them. He never won. "How long have you been here?"

"A couple hours. We landed late this morning and checked into the hotel. We showed up here a little more than an hour ago. One of the doctors took us to your office, but you weren't there. Then he said you were probably in surgery and brought us here to wait."

"Who brought you here?"

His mother pursed her lips. "I can't remember his name. Very well mannered young man. Said he was an intern."

"And speaking of interns," Natalie cut in and Derek tensed as he knew exactly where his sister was headed.

"Yeah," Anna added without missing a beat. "When do we get to meet the intern Nancy told us about?"

"Meredith, was it?" Natalie again.

"You still together?" Anna.

Derek sighed as he surveyed his sisters, commonly referred to as the Shepherd Sister Tag Team. His mother didn't give him any support; if anything she looked proud of her daughters. "Yeah, we're still..." _Crap._ He trailed off as he realized he had twice now forgotten to inform his mother right away of an address change.

"Is she here today?"

"When can we meet her?"

Derek glared at his sisters. "You have to be nice to her. You only get to meet her if you promise to be nice."

"We're always nice," Natalie told him.

He scoffed. "You're rarely nice. And Nancy was horrible to her."

It was his mother's turn to roll her eyes. "Oh, Derek. I love all of my children, but we all know Nancy isn't exactly the best representative for this family."

"That's an understatement," Anna added. Being the youngest, she had been on Nancy's receiving end more than anyone else.

"Derek," his mother spoke up again. "You've been with this girl for some time now, and if this is a serious relationship, then you need to introduce her to your family."

"It is serious," Derek said, suddenly defensive.

"Good. I wouldn't expect anything less from my perfect son." She placated. "We'd like to meet her because she obviously makes you happy, not to scare her away."

He narrowed his eyes at all three woman, surveying them one at a time, searching for any reason to doubt their intentions. It wasn't that he didn't trust them. He loved his family, and was continually grateful for the loving atmosphere he had grown up in, especially with the intimate details about Meredith's less that loving childhood environment he had learned about. But being one of the youngest had its drawbacks, as did being the only boy. He had a number of overprotective, nosy sisters. And one supportive, but equally protective mother. All they ever wanted was what was best for him. In their mind. And right now, Derek wondered if they would be prone to believe Meredith wasn't best for him. Not only had he failed to discuss her, their relationship or his feelings for her to any extent with any of his family, but he had failed to execute damage control following Nancy's visit. Now the only base they had for any opinion of his girlfriend was whatever it was his sister had passed on months before. And he wasn't naive enough to believe it was all warm and fuzzy.

"And we promise to be nice to her," Natalie added with a roll of her eyes.

"I mean it," Derek told them.

"God, Derek, if she scares off that easily..."

Derek shook his head. "You need to give her a chance to realize that our family is a good family."

"If she's looking for a perfect family, we may be far from it," Anna joked. "We're all a little out there."

Derek allowed himself a smile. "True, but we're pretty good."

His mother smiled proudly. "We're a great family. And if Meredith is going to be part of your life, then she'll be welcome."

"Good. Because she's a big part of my life." He added with a smile.

His mother smiled warmly back at him. "Maybe that's what's different." She had narrowed her eyes and was appraising him.

"What?"

"You're happy, Derek. Happier than I've seen in a long time. Seattle's been good to you."

Derek smiled back at his mother and nodded. "Yes, it has." And they all fell silent.

"So, it seems like a nice hospital," Natalie commented, choosing to start a new subject.

"It is. Have you seen much?"

She shook her head. "No, not really. We got from the front desk to the nurses' station, and then up to your office. Then right back here. The doctor that took us up to look for you said you were probably in surgery and would most likely come through here to inform the family. We were keeping watch for you."

He rolled his eyes. "A lot of good that did you."

"Hey, we found you."

"No. _I_ found _you_. You didn't even see me," he shot back at his older sister.

Natalie waved a dismissive hand at him. "Whatever, we still made contact one way or another; only the ends matter, not the means."

He scoffed and shook his head, but remained silent. One thing that growing up in a house as the sole male among five females taught you was when to keep your mouth shut. An argument like this could drag on for eons, no matter how right you actually are. Women flocked together. He wouldn't get any support.

000

Derek's eyes tracked back and forth across the OR board as he looked to recognize his girlfriend's name. He wasn't sure to be disappointed or relieved when it wasn't there. As much as he wanted to introduce Meredith to his family, he was apprehensive about throwing her in without any warning. It was getting late into the afternoon, and his mother and sisters were insisting they take him and Meredith out to dinner to clear the ice. And that didn't leave a lot of time for Meredith to get used to the idea of meeting his family. Actually, that didn't really leave any time for Meredith to get used to the idea. Her being in surgery would have been a good excuse for why she couldn't come out that night.

It wasn't that he didn't want them to meet. Both parties were very important aspects of his life. He loved his family. And he loved Meredith. His family was always there, always supportive. But Meredith was... everything. She was the love of his life, his best friend, his future. He winced at the thought of continuing his life indefinitely this way; two important, independent features. They needed to meet eventually, and all he could hope for was that they could at least tolerate each other and get along. He didn't dare to believe they would like each other, at least not for a while. But in the future...he hoped they could. He hoped his family would absorb Meredith and show her what it was like to be part of a real, functional family. She deserved to know what it felt like to be loved unconditionally, to have the support of a sibling, the understanding of a mother and the respect of nieces and nephews. And maybe one day more...

He knew she had her own family, and he respected it completely. The five interns had turned to each other for the familial support and understanding they all seemed to be lacking in one faucet or another. They were supportive and protective of each other; Derek had experienced that first hand when Alex had refused to allow him near Meredith only weeks ago when he had suspected Derek of hitting her.

_Don't think I'm going to let him anywhere near you if he's hurting you._

Meredith had a wonderful family, one he hoped to one day feel a part of too. But she deserved to know what it was like to have a functional family, one with different generations; parents and grandparents and kids and aunts and uncles. She deserved it. After all that she had gone through in her childhood... He was determined she would one day know unconditional love and acceptance.

He sighed and turned away from the board, hesitating in the busy hallway as he contemplated his next move. He had poked his head into the gallery already, only to find one of Meredith's interns watching Mark perform a facial reconstruction. The intern told him he had talked to Meredith within the past hour, but didn't know what she was doing.

Sighing, Derek pulled his cell from his belt clip and hit speed dial one, hoping he wasn't interrupting anything too important. It was true that she was technically off in just a few minutes, but the hospital had a way of sucking you in for hours past your scheduled exit time. Her phone rang several times before she picked up.

"Hello." Her voice sounded frazzled and rushed.

"Hey," he spoke. "You busy?"

"No, I think I'm done for the day," she responded, but her voice still had an odd quality to it.

"You okay?" He asked, suddenly concerned. "You sound off..."

She sighed into the receiver, causing a wisp of static to flow out of his phone. "I'm..." She trailed off and scoffed gently. "I don't even know what I am. I'm not not okay, if that helps anything."

He laughed and shook his head at her answer. "Not not okay, huh? I suppose in this case two negatives don't make a positive?"

She laughed in response. "Maybe not."

"Where are you?"

There was a pause, where all he could hear was several rounds of increased static as she breathed. "I'm, uh, on my way to the main floor. Where are you?" He could hear footsteps and knew she was on the move.

"I'm looking at the OR board. Can I meet you in your locker room?"

"Sure."

"If you're on your way back now, where were you?" He questioned gently, knowing she was hiding something. He could hear it in her voice, in the way she had discreetly avoided his first attempt at the question.

"I'll tell you at the locker room."

"Fair enough," he responded, flipping his phone shut and turning on his heel to head for their meeting place.

Pushing open the door into the resident locker room, Derek was relieved to find it empty. He strode across the floor and collapsed onto the bench closest to Meredith's cubby. He wondered suddenly why it was called a locker room if they had cubbies and not lockers. Although cubby room sounded kind of stupid.

Derek laughed to himself as he shook his head with a smile, realizing again just how much influence Meredith was having over his thoughts.

"What's so funny?" Her voice rang out as she stepped through the door, just catching the end of his chuckle.

He turned and smiled at her as she approached. "Nothing."

She eyes him suspiciously, but didn't push the subject as she plopped herself down beside him, leaning her weight against him as he closed his arm around her back.

"I was hiding," she whispered several moments later as she sat up with a sigh.

"Hiding?"

She stared at him, obviously hesitating, her green eyes meeting his, but shaking slightly. Her lower lip was sucked into her mouth and trapped underneath her upper row of incisors.

"What is it?" He asked gently, reaching for her hand with his free arm. He squeezed her fingers.

She let out a breath. "I, uh, don't know if you know this, but your family is here."

Derek started, not even having considered the possibility that Meredith would have found out. "Yeah, I do know. I just bumped into them in the lobby." He told her. "I had no idea they were coming."

She nodded. "I know. I know you would have told me."

"I'm sorry."

"Derek, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"But you said you were hiding. If you're not ready, that's fine..." His chest tightened as he realized just how much pressure he was putting on the situation with his unrealistic expectations. The Meredith he was now living with was amazing. She was absolutely perfect. They were communicating; talking and discussing their days, their lives and their future. But the Meredith he loved was also skittish in new situations like these. She resisted change if she wasn't comfortable. Moving in together had been amazing. And she had initiated it because she realized she was ready. Meeting the family may be too much for her right now. That was a lot of change in a short amount of time. Moving in together _and_ meeting the family. That held a certain amount of expectation. That signalled to the rest of the world that their relationship had changed dramatically. Even if they hadn't exactly been casual before, they were certainly quite serious now. He sighed. Of course she had been hiding from them. He had no right to expect anything more.

She shook her head, effectively cutting him off. "If you wait until I feel completely ready, then I'll never meet them," she told him honestly, even going so far as to offer him a small smile. "I only freaked out for a little while. And I really didn't want to bump into them or something in the halls without you. That I can't handle yet." She bravely offered him a smile, telling him she was doing okay. She was still swimming. _I need to meet them someday, why not now? I just need you there with me. I can't do it without you._

He felt his heart swell at her honesty and the realization of just how far their relationship had progressed, and just how much ground he had made up in making her trust him again. They really were talking now. They really were communicating. "You want to meet them?" He asked for clarification.

She narrowed her eyes and smirked. "I might not go so far as to say I _want_ to meet them, but I _will _meet them."

He laughed in full. "I can accept that. You'll like them, Meredith. I promise it won't be as bad as you think." He could only hope he would be keeping his promise.

"Is it just the three of them?"

He nodded. "As far as I know. Just mom, and Nat and Anna. They're the nice ones."

She smiled. "Anna's the youngest, right? And Natalie was..."

"A year and a half older than me."

She nodded, committing the information to memory. Then she sighed, and her expression turned pensive. "How much ground do I have to make up?" She asked suddenly.

He tilted his head. "What are you talking about?"

"How much do they already hate me?" Her voice cracked just a little.

"They don't hate you, Mer." He tightened his hold on her.

She scoffed and raised an eyebrow at him, as if daring him to disagree again. "Seriously? Come on Derek, in their eyes I'm the slutty intern who stole you away from your perfect wife. I'm younger than you. I'm just starting out in my career. My family is a fraction of the size yours is... I don't bring anything to the table."

He shook his head, his jaw clenching involuntarily as he willed her to stop. "You were never a slutty intern, Meredith. And really, you had nothing to do with my divorce. And to be honest, Mark had very little to do with it. He maybe just sped up the process. We weren't happy for a long time. And I think my mom and my sisters realize that, at least my mom does." He sighed and made sure she was still meeting his eyes. She had been so strong for him over the past few weeks, he had to make sure she was receiving the same quality of support he had been. "And the other stuff... it just doesn't matter enough to stress over. You are younger than me. You are just starting out. That's not something we can change. But I promise you without a doubt in my mind that this is not a mid life crisis thing, Meredith. I love you more than anything. And they'll respect that." He leaned his head closer to hers, gently finding her lips with his. When he pulled back he left his forehead leaning against hers. "Trust me, Meredith, you bring more to the table then you'll ever know."

Her eyes welled, even as she nodded against him. "Thank-you, Derek."

"Oh, Mer," he twisted his body on the bench and enveloped her in his arms, breathing in her hair as her body shuddered once and then calmed. When she pulled back her eyes were bright, but dry, and she was smiling bravely at him. "You sure you're okay with this?"

"Yeah, I think so." She nodded. "You can't do the relationship commitment thing without doing the family thing, right?"

He shook his head. "No, not if you want to do it right." He smiled lovingly at her. "And give it some time and you'll fit right in."

She smiled back at him, the context of his words and their long term meaning not lost on her.

"So, they wanted to go out to dinner tonight, if that's okay with you. I was thinking the Italian place? It's getting late and that would save us from going home to change." The Italian place was very casual. They had shown up in street clothes, straight from work more than once.

She nodded her agreement. "Yeah. That sounds good." She stood and pulled open her cubby door. After a quick glance around the room as if to ensure it really was only Derek in the room with her, she stripped off her scrubs pants and replaced them with jeans. Then she pulled on a light sweater where her scrub top had been. He laughed lightly when she pulled a small make up kit out of the back of her cubby, causing her to swipe her hand at him.

"Don't laugh at me, Shepherd! If I want to make a good first impression on any of your family, then I need to at least not look like I just worked a twelve hour shift."

He smiled and shook his head. "You look fine."

"No, I look tired." She argued.

"No, you look beautiful," he told her, causing her to scoff and ignore him. She continued to apply her make-up and then pulled a hair brush out and set to work trying to calm her long, wavy hair.

After shrugging her shoulders at her reflection in the small mirror on the door, she tossed her brush back in, pulled out her purse and picked up her dirty scrubs off the floor. There was a crinkle as she gripped her scrub pants to pull her beeper off her waistband. Her expression immediately changed; surprise and realization mixed in with something else...

"What's up?" He asked.

She turned fully to face him, her hands wringing her scrub pants. She opened her mouth.

The door to the room slammed open, effectively breaking the sudden connection between them. Cristina nodded a greeting to him as she strode across the room towards her cubby, two down from Meredith's. She pulled out a small notepad and a pen before quickly drawing two short lines and tossing the book back onto the shelf. "It's not Alex or Smithson," she told Meredith.

Meredith tensed, but nodded, obviously knowing exactly what her best friend was talking about.

"What's not Alex or Smithson?" Derek questioned lightly, recognizing the name Smithson as another resident in their year.

Cristina turned and glared at him as she pulled fresh clothing out of her cubby. "Nothing," she muttered. She turned her attention back to Meredith. "Smithson said he was seventh. Alex won't fess up, but I know it's not him cause for one, he's Alex, and two, he'd be bragging."

He narrowed his eyes and glanced at Meredith, who just shook her head, motioning for him to not push the subject. He shrugged and nodded his agreement.

Cristina huffed and moved around the bench, so as not to change right in front of him. There was rustling as she pulled off her scrubs and changed into new clothes.

He turned his attention back to Meredith. "So, what's going on?" He asked gently, trying to steer them back to the conversation they were about to have when Cristina had interrupted them.

She paused, her eyes flicking to him and then to Cristina, and then back to him. She shook her head. _Not now. _

He nodded, silently belaying his understanding and agreement. _Okay._

She stuffed something into the back of her cubby and closed the door. "Okay," she turned to face him. "I think I'm ready."

He stood and leaned in to kiss her. "I'm glad," he whispered, barely reacting as Cristina stormed back around the bench to her locker beside them.

Meredith rolled her eyes at her friend's antics, but smiled warmly back at him. "It's going to be alright," she whispered, more to herself than him, her voice only shaking a bit.

He nodded. "It's going to be alright," he agreed, his voice much more confident, trying to force a little more confidence into her.

She nodded and took a breath. "Okay, I'll be okay."

He reached for her hand. "You'll be great."

"Bye, Cristina," she called to her friend as they headed for the door.

"Bye, Mer. Have fun meeting the McFamily."

Derek snorted at the name despite himself. "McFamily?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Cristina's term."

He shook his head. "As much as I love you, there may always be this little bit of you that I just don't get," he joked.

She smiled brightly at him as she giggled. "Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be."

"Maybe."

She paused right as they stepped out into the hallway and turned to face him. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Always know what to say to calm me down?"

He smirked. "It's what I'm here for."


	31. burst your bubble

Meredith gulped as the elevator dinged to announce its arrival on the ground floor. The doors slid open and suddenly she was following Derek out of the car, and into the lobby. The lobby where his mother and two of his sisters sat waiting.

Derek suddenly paused in his forward motion and turned to face her, effectively blocking her view of the waiting room, and most importantly blocking anyone in the waiting room's view of her.

"Last chance," he told her, his head tilted just to the side in concern. "If you need more time, I don't mind." His smile was warm and understanding, though his eyes begged her to follow him. _I love you and I'll give you as much time as you need, but it'll be fine now. Please give it a try._

She met his eyes and forced herself to shake her head. She could do this. He loved her and she loved him and that was enough. She could do this. She had made it through the year and still ranked first after her test. She could do this. "No, I'm fine to do this now, Derek."

He pursed his lips, his eyes narrowing as he assessed her. "You look scared," he whispered.

She smiled lightly. "That's because I am scared."

He smiled reassuringly and reached to squeeze her hand. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she breathed. Then she took a breath and nodded.

He understood and dropped her hand to turn around, and began leading her to the far corner of the chairs by the window.

Meredith immediately zeroed in on his mother, recognizing her from her familiar features. Derek had inherited a lot from her. Apparently so did at least one of her daughters. The younger woman seated next to her was almost a perfect match. Both had dark, wavy hair, blue eyes and smooth complexions. They even had identical facial structures. The only difference Meredith could see, and she was only guessing because they were sitting down, but it looked as if daughter was a little taller than mother. The other woman sitting kitty corner to them was also obviously a sister. She had the long, wavy hair, only this time in sandy brown instead of dark, almost black. _Natalie_. Meredith made a mental note. Derek had told her Natalie was the only sibling with different coloured hair. Something about a lot of adoption and milk man's baby jokes growing up. This must be her. That would make the other one Anna. Unless, of course, the sandy haired sister had died her hair. But then Derek had told her it was Natalie and Anna, and the only other explanation was they died their hair each other's natural color. And that was stupid.

Okay, so Natalie and Anna. And Carol. Or was it Mrs. Shepherd? Meredith didn't know, and it was too late to stop and ask Derek how she should address his mother. She was stupid. She should have thought about that sooner. Now it was too late and she would have to wing it. This was it.

It was Natalie whose eyes first picked them up as they rounded the last set of chairs in their approach. She smiled at Derek and then Meredith felt eyes on herself. She wrung her hands nervously, sure this was about to be a memory she would look back on in years and regret doing something stupid. She always did something stupid, or said something stupid, or failed to do or say the smart thing, which ended up making her look stupid.

Natalie opened her mouth, obviously announcing their approach to the other two, as suddenly Meredith had three sets of eyes on her. She tried to offer them a friendly smile, but ended up averting her eyes. This was it. She was spotted. There was no way out of it now. There was nowhere to run. She slowed just so and ended up trailing a step behind Derek, as if delaying the meeting as long as she could, even if only the amount of time it took to take one more step. It was one more step she needed.

He came to a stop in front of his family, who were quickly standing up. She stopped beside him, shifting her weight, unsure of what to do next. "H-hi," she offered quietly, nodding a greeting, swallowing hard as her throat went bone dry.

Then Derek's hand was resting supportively on her lower back. "This is Meredith," he was saying, and then he smiled down at her. "Mer, this is my mother Carol, and my annoying sisters; Natalie and Anna."

"It's nice to meet you, dear," Carol spoke, stepping forward and holding out a hand.

Meredith shook. "It's nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Shepherd." Meredith greeted, grateful to find her voice.

"Oh, don't call me that," Carol responded with a flick of her hand. "Mrs. Shepherd was my mother-in-law. Please call me Carol."

Meredith nodded. "Okay." There was no way she was calling the woman by her first name until she was forced to. It may be some kind of test or something. She had no idea. Was this normal? She really wished she was better with families. She wished she had some sort of experience.

"I'm Natalie, Derek's favourite sister." Meredith had been right in her assessment. The sandy haired sister was Natalie.

She heard Derek groan as she stepped forward and shook Natalie's hand.

"He just pretends Nat's his favourite. I'm actually his favourite." Carol's look alike said, playfully shouldering her sister. "I'm Anna." Meredith had been right again; standing upright Anna was definitely taller than her mother.

Meredith could help but smile at the sibling banter, especially when Natalie argued back.

"I don't have a favourite sister," Derek said, joining in the sibling rivalry argument... thing. "I hate you all equally."

"Derek!" Carol chastised. "You don't hate your sisters."

Derek rolled his eyes good naturedly, ignoring the smirks he was receiving from his sisters. "Whatever you say, mom."

Carol clicked her tongue and turned her attention back to Meredith. "Did you and your siblings drive your mother crazy, too?"

Meredith opened her mouth and only stuttered once before she could speak coherently. "Oh, no. I, uh, didn't have any siblings. I was an only child." Her throat was suddenly dry again, bone dry. And her heart felt like it was going a million beats a minute. The only thing keeping her grounded was the feeling of Derek's hand still resting on her back. She felt her breathing hitch. She was ruining it. She was already freaking out. She didn't fit in. And soon they would know it.

"You're an only child?" Natalie asked, but continued immediately, failing to wait for an affirmative response. "You're so lucky!" She exclaimed, causing her sister to roll her eyes and her mother to swat at her.

Meredith felt her heart rate slow as her breathing evened out. She was still on guard, but not ready to explode. Suddenly her throat wasn't so dry and she found her voice again. "Yeah..." She didn't know what else to say. She knew it was a joke, but Natalie probably had no idea just how lucky she was to have grown up with the family she had. And Natalie had no idea what it was like to grow up alone. But disagreeing would only prove to make the situation a hundred times more awkward for Meredith.

"So, are you two up to grabbing some dinner this evening?" Carol questioned.

Derek nodded. "Yeah, we were thinking of suggesting this little Italian place in the city. It's quiet and pretty casual."

"Sounds perfect."

000

Meredith collapsed into the passenger seat of Derek's car, thankful to be away from scrutiny for at least the seven or eight minutes it would take for Derek to lead his family to the restaurant in the rental car they were following behind in. She was hugely grateful he hadn't offered to drive everyone in his car, or let a sister hitch a ride with them. She needed a few minutes to collect herself before she faced at least an hour straight with these people, and probably much longer.

Derek sat himself down beside and reached a hand over to squeeze her leg reassuringly. "That went okay, right?"

She glanced over to him, immediately meeting his expressive eyes, filled to the brim with worry, love and...hope. He was hopeful. She knew he wanted for her to get along with his family. She knew it. And she was willing to do as much as she could to make them like her. She just needed to calm down.

"Yeah. Yeah, it was okay." She nodded. Her heart was beating much slower than it had been before, but was still faster than she wanted it to be. She would kill to be the calm, rational, normal person who could meet her boyfriend's family and be perfect for them. Polite. Charming. Interesting. Coherent.

He tilted his head and lifted his hand to her face, lightly rubbing his palm along her cheek before he rested it against the side of her head, his fingers buried in her hair. "You sure? You seem a little... not sure."

She smiled at him, trying to be reassuring. "I'm sure. I'm just... nervous. But I'll be fine. Just don't mind me if I freak out a little on our way there."

He chuckled and removed his hand to start the car. "Fair enough."

He left her alone for a few minutes as he navigated out of the parking lot, making sure his sister had successfully made all the turns behind him. It wasn't until they were out on the highway that he reached for her hand. "You really are doing well," he commented. "They seemed to like you, and I don't think they noticed your little panic attack."

She glanced at him in surprise. "How do you...?" It had only lasted a few seconds really. She had been sure no one had noticed.

He smiled wryly. "Mer, it felt like your heart was going to explode out your back."

She sighed and nodded. "Yeah, sorry about that. I just... they asked about my family and I just... I don't know. Panicked." She exhaled furiously. "I wish I could just be normal."

He shook his head, his eyes leaving the road briefly to meet hers and then returned. "Meredith, you could never be normal."

She rolled her eyes. "Thanks for that."

He chuckled. "You know I don't mean it that way. You are amazingly not normal and I love you for it. If you were just another normal person, then you wouldn't be you. And I love _you._"

Meredith felt her heart jump at his words. Not sped up, just jumped once and then return to its slowly decreasing rhythm. She smiled and took a deep breath. "I know. And normally I'm okay with that, with who I am, but in extreme circumstances like this, I wish I could just be normal. At least temporarily."

"Extreme circumstance, huh?" He asked, eyeing her, his blue eyes sparkling. "You make it sound like this could be some sort of reality show: Extreme Relationshipping: Meeting the Family."

She laughed despite herself. "Shut up, Derek. This is extreme for me."

He sighed and reached for her hand. "I know it is. I hate it, but I know. And I'm so happy that you're doing this for me, Meredith. I wish more than anything that I could say something to reassure you. But it really will be okay. You know that no matter what happens, it won't change anything between us, right?"

Meredith felt a sudden sense on calm at his words. She did know. She did. But hearing him remind her with his voice so... sure. Honest. It helped make her believe. She nodded. "Yeah, I think I know that."

"Good. Cause it's true." He squeezed her hand. "I love you, Meredith."

She smiled. "I love you, too." She took a cleansing breath. Her heart rate may actually have returned to normal. "Okay, so am I really supposed to call your mother by her first name?"

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, sorry I should have warned you. She hates Mrs. Shepherd. Makes everyone call her Carol."

"Okay. Anything else I should know?" If she was going to so this, she needed to be prepared. Derek spent the remainder of their short drive to the restaurant filling her in on his mother and sisters.

000

"This place is lovely," Carol commented as they sat and each picked up their menus. They had been seated at a small round table off to the side of the room. Carol was seated between her daughters, Natalie to her right and Anna to her left. Meredith and Derek sat across from her, Derek beside Natalie.

Meredith had been grateful when Derek had discreetly slid his chair closer to hers as he sat down. She needed to extra support right now. With him close she could begin to believe it was two against three instead of one against three with one floater.

"Hmm," Derek agreed with his mother as he trailed his eyes down the specials menus across the room.

"How often do you come here?" Anna asked.

He turned to her and shrugged. "Not too often. We don't really get a lot of free time."

Meredith nodded her agreement. "Yeah, I guess the last time would have been a few weeks ago..." She trailed off with a small smile at the memory of her awkward, rambling, incoherent, and yet successful, appeal for them to move in together.

Derek smiled as he obviously remembered too. "Good times."

"So, how long have you been in Seattle, Meredith?" Natalie questioned.

"About fourteen months, but I grew up here. My mom and I moved away when I was five. I hadn't been back since."

"Where were you before?"

"Boston was home base, I guess. But I was away for school."

"Where did you go to med school?"

"Dartmouth."

"Oh, that's a good school," Natalie commented. "My husband went there."

"Your husband is a doctor too?" Derek had told her once that all five of them had gone through med school, but he had never mentioned his brothers-in-law and their professions.

Natalie nodded. "Yeah, Phil. He's a GP."

Meredith nodded, thinking back to that fateful night Derek had taken her out to the trailer for the first time. They had laid awake most of the night talking about their pasts. "Okay, and you were the sister in...Peds?"

"Yup. That's me. Pretty impressive that you got it right actually, one in four chance and all."

Meredith laughed. "I'm just lucky, I guess." She turned to Anna. "And I'm pretty sure you were the other surgeon?"

"Following in her big brother's footsteps," Derek cut in before his younger sister could respond.

Anna rolled her eyes, ignoring Derek and focussing on Meredith. "Yeah, I'm the other surgeon. I'm just doing my fellowship, actually. At Mount Sinai."

Meredith nodded, committing the information to memory. She was determined not to forget anything.

"And you're in your second year of residency?" Anna asked, turning the conversation back towards Meredith again.

Meredith nodded, on guard for any comments or call outs to her age. "Yeah."

"That's cool," Anna said easily. "I'm sure you're still worked until you drop all the time, and then picked up and made to work more. I forgot what it felt like to not be exhausted all the time until probably my fourth or fifth year."

"Great," Meredith said. "I guess I have a lot to look forward to." She smiled when everyone laughed at her joke. Things were going okay.

"Are you two working tomorrow?" Carol asked.

Meredith nodded. She was on six until six again.

"I have a surgery scheduled for the morning," Derek answered.

"We should plan to do something tomorrow night," Carol suggested. "Meredith, how early are you off?"

"Six. I may be able to get away sooner, but it involves someone agreeing to take my interns..."

Anna laughed. "I've been there. Good luck with that."

Meredith laughed back. "Yeah, but they're not that bad really. I think I got the good ones."

"But not better than your group was, of course?" Anna asked jokingly.

Meredith hesitated. "Oh, of course not. Although, if I had to deal with the group my resident had to deal with... I don't know how I'd get through the day."

"That bad?"

She shifted her head back and forth. "No, we were good at what we did, we just got in trouble a lot. Not that it was our fault... okay, it was rarely our fault to begin with. It's just... a lot of stuff happened last year."

Anna laughed. "It couldn't have been that bad."

Even Derek scoffed. "You wouldn't believe it if she told you."

"Maybe it's a story better left for another time then."

"Definitely," Meredith nodded gratefully. What she really didn't need right now was rehashing her intern year. That was one way to scare off the McFamily for good on the first meeting.

"Well, why don't we plan to all do something tomorrow evening," Carol suggested. "And tomorrow afternoon Derek can take us out to see this trailer he's been living in." She turned her expression on her son, a mix of disbelief, disapproval and a little bit of humour like only a mother can feel. "Because ever since Nancy came home confirming that you actually were living in a trailer, Derek, well...I just need to see it for myself."

"Oh, yeah," Natalie added. "Der, I forgot about that. How can you possible live in a trailer? Why don't you just live in town like a normal person?"

"He does..." Meredith said, confused, and then trailed off when she glanced at Derek. His tense expression immediately made her realize she had said something wrong. He met her eyes and sent her apologetic look. She didn't get it.

"You moved again?" Carol questioned, her motherly look now losing its humour, leaving only disbelief and disapproval.

"You didn't tell them?" Meredith asked quietly, but it was a statement, not a question.

Derek turned to her and shook his head. "No. I'm...sorry. I meant to. I just...didn't."

She nodded, but didn't speak. She didn't want to be the one to announce their new cohabitation to his family. She had been under the impression they knew. She had thought that was probably why they had come. But this changed everything. They had been nice so far, but who knows... They could just be humouring Derek. They could just be putting up with their son/brother until he came to his senses, ended his midlife crisis and moved back home. Any ground she had made was probably gone.

Derek nodded, turning back to his mother. "I did move. I know I didn't tell you...again," he added before she could add that herself. "But I was going to. I just, well I've been busy. And I knew it would...well, I knew you'd have a lot more to say about it this time."

She narrowed her eyes as she analyzed him and he motioned towards Meredith with his head, his eyes pleading with his mother to not take it out on her. It wasn't Meredith's fault. It was his fault. Again.

Things weren't going as he'd hoped.

Meredith remained perfectly still; the only sound she could hear was the hammering of her heart, the blood pounding past her ears. Carol's gaze flickered from her son to Meredith, and then back. Then over to Meredith again, longer this time. A look of understanding passed over the older woman's face and she turned her attention back to Derek.

"Sorry about the wait," the waiter greeted as he showed up at both the best and worse possible moment, completely oblivious to the atmosphere at the table. "Can I take drink orders? And is everyone ready to order their meals?"

Ordering was very quick for everyone. The impending conversation would not wait for long. When the waiter rounded on Meredith, she ordered a wine. She would definitely need something to help her get through this meal now.

"You moved in together." It was a statement. No hints of a question. Carol was not looking for any form of confirmation.

Derek nodded. "We did. I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he repeated.

Carol shook her head. "That's twice Derek. Last time you called me a week later and told me you'd up and moved across the country. This time you didn't even tell me. Where's it going to be next time?"

He shook his head. "No where. I'm staying in Seattle. I just moved into town, that's all. I have no reason to leave."

"We thought that last time," Natalie cut in, her voice tired and hurt. And it was the first time Meredith realized he had left people behind when he moved to Seattle. He had hurt people.

He sighed. "I'm sorry about last time, I am, but if you had any idea what was going through my head..." He trailed off. "I just needed to get away. I was hurt and embarrassed and just couldn't deal with talking to anyone."

As much as Meredith was trying to become invisible, she couldn't stand watching Derek in so much pain. She quietly reached over to take his hand, offering silent support. The three Shepherd women didn't so much as glance at her, so she took a breath and went back to thinking invisible thoughts.

"We know that, Derek," Carol agreed. "But what's your excuse for this time?"

"It happened really fast," he admitted. "We talked about moving in together and found a place really fast, and took possession right away... It's only been a couple weeks," He argued.

Carol sighed, obviously disappointed. "Derek, you didn't even give us a heads up that your relationship was headed in this direction." Anna and Natalie remained silent, allowing their mother to get everything off of her chest, but their expressions gave away their agreement.

Meredith felt her eyes flick up to regard Carol as she realized the conversation was heading towards her. Her throat was dry again, and her heart was sure getting its work-out for the week.

"Mom, if you had any idea what's been going on lately you'd leave it alone," he argued.

"That's the point, Derek. We have no idea what's going on in your life. You don't tell us anything."

"I want to. I just..."

"Derek, not even to include that you've barely been divorced six months, but you moved in with a girl that you haven't even introduced to your family. You don't do that, Derek. We deserve more than that. What's next, you call us up and say you got married a week ago? A month ago? We're your family, Derek. Your family."

_Yup,_ Meredith was right. The conversation was about her. They hated her already. She wasn't good enough for Derek. At the present moment, Meredith would gladly give everything she had to be anywhere else.

Carol turned to her. "Meredith, I'm sorry, because you seem like an awfully nice young lady, but we've never even met you before. What would your mother say? Does she know?"

Meredith froze, her jaw tightening. _She'd be fucking disappointed.__ And not because she hadn't been told._ "Oh, well, my mother, uh, passed away a few months ago."

Silence.

The oxygen seemed to disappear from the room. It was hot. Everyone was staring.

Derek squeezed her hand.

She found she could breathe again. Just a little.

"I'm so sorry, dear," Carol told her, her voice nothing but genuine. Natalie and Anna chimed in their condolences.

"It's never easy losing a parent," Natalie added, her voice portraying understanding. Meredith knew their father had passed away when they were all kids. "Are you close with your father?"

Meredith closed her eyes, wishing the table would just swallow her. They already hated her. Now they were just going to kick her while she was down. She couldn't do this. She couldn't explain her non-relationship with her father. She couldn't let Derek's family in on the lack of family in her life, not when they already hated her. She didn't need to give them another reason to think she wasn't good enough for Derek.

"Nat," Derek spoke softly, and she knew without looking that he was motioning for her to stop.

But Meredith found the strength to open her eyes and shook her head. "No. No, we're not close. Not close at all." She could only hope she wouldn't be requested to expand on that.

Natalie responded with something that was an awkward cross between a nod and a shake, letting her know she was dropping the subject. She looked guilty, but it wasn't her fault. Meredith wanted to tell her that, but she just couldn't find the words. She was very close to not being able to deal with the situation any longer.

Derek squeezed her hand again.

The waiter arrived with their drink orders, and it seemed to take eons for him to set the five glasses down on the relatively small table, as the five people seated around the table sat stock still; waiting, silent. Their waiter remained silent, however, obviously realizing and respecting the tense atmosphere this time. He nodded when the fifth glass was settled on the table and quietly wandered away.

"Look," Derek spoke quietly, taking the initiative on the conversation that obviously needed to take place. "I'm sorry. I screwed up. Again. I left New York because I just couldn't deal." He sighed and dropped Meredith's hand to wrap his arm around her waist. He slid his chair closer to her and pulled her in tight, obviously needing the contact and comfort as much as she did. "I would love to have introduced you to Meredith sooner, but there were just things that got in the way. It's only been in the last few weeks that everything has settled down."

Meredith averted her eyes, staring down at the table cloth with a sudden fascination. The only thing that was keeping her upright was the strong arm around her middle. This was why she didn't do families. She didn't mesh well with families and things like this happened. Derek didn't need this.

"I can't take any of the last year back," Derek continued. "And trust me; there are many things I would love to take back if I could." He pulled her tighter for just a moment and she knew exactly which decision he regretted most. "All I can do is apologize and try to make up for it in the future."

"Derek," Carol spoke softly. "We just want to be a part of your life."

He nodded. "I know. And I want you to be, all of you. So here it is." He smiled gently, glancing over at his downcast girlfriend. "I'm in love with an amazing woman. And we moved in together last week. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but it happened really fast."

Meredith lifted her eyes hesitantly. "It's my fault," she said quietly. Derek didn't deserve all the blame for this. "It was my idea. I... I'm sorry. I didn't even think about what you would think. I'm not used to... It just never occurred to me. I'm sorry."

Derek shook his head. "This isn't your fault, Mer."

"It is my fault, and I keep..." She sighed, lowering her voice, despite the fact that the three women across from her could likely hear a whisper in the quiet restaurant. "I didn't even think. I asked, and of course you agreed to do it right away, cause with my history you were worried you may not get another chance to say yes. You kept asking me if I wanted more time, but I never asked you. And I should have."

Derek turned in his chair, and suddenly his other arm was wrapped around her as well. Meredith shook gently, fighting off tears. She was in a restaurant, meeting her boyfriend's family, and she couldn't get through the first twenty minutes without crying. And as much as she should push Derek away and put on a brave face, she just didn't care that she was wrapped in his arms, fighting off tears as they stared. She was beyond caring. They already hated her; so this couldn't do any further damage. And she really just needed a hug right now.

"Meredith," he whispered, his chin resting on her shoulder. "None of this is your fault. I promise you that. I didn't want to wait any longer either. They're mad about things that happened long before this past week. This was just the icing. It was wrong to both them and you to not tell them about us. You both deserved better." He said the last sentence a little louder, allowing his family to hear as well.

"I'm sorry," he apologized to his mother and sisters as he pulled his second arm away from Meredith, and turning to face forward once again. He kept his other arm wrapped tight around her, holding her close; something Meredith was grateful for. She took strength out of the contact. "I promise I'll be better. I'll try to keep you up to date with my life." He nodded to back up his statements. "Until very recently I wouldn't have known what to tell you anyway, but I'm back on track now."

Natalie and Anna remained silent, their eyes flicking back and forth between their brother and their mother, obviously waiting for Carol to make the first move. Meredith watched the family dynamics quietly, wondering how she had ended up in the situation. Here. Now. Only a few hours ago she had still been smiling. And then out of nowhere she was accosted in the hallway by Izzy, and it had only gone down hill from there. Sitting in silence with Derek and his family, waiting for the other shoe to drop, was definitely not how she had planned for their night to go. A quick dinner, or some take out, and a quiet evening at home. That was how she had planned their night to go.

Carol sighed and nodded her head. Finally. "Alright, Derek, but we're going to hold you to that promise." She shifted her eyes to Meredith and then back to her son. "I'm glad you're happy," she offered, a small smile even flashing across her face. "Why don't we all just start over?"

"Thanks, mom."

She waved her hand dismissively. "There's nothing to thank me for. I'm your mother. It's my job. Now, why don't you two tell us about your life?"

000

Meredith rested quietly, her head resting against the cool glass of the window, listening to the motion of the car gliding over the pavement below them as Derek drove home hours later. Dinner had been okay. After a few glasses of wine she was even tempted to say dinner had been good. After Derek and his family had sorted out the whole not talking about his life thing, it had been much less stressful. It seemed Derek had trouble communicating with more people than just her. It also seemed like his family was very forgiving. He was lucky.

Carol, Natalie and Anna had turned out to be quite nice people. They seemed friendly and genuinely interested in her life. They had even stayed far away from questioning her about her family or her past beyond where she had gone to school. They had laughed and had talked about themselves. His sisters and her had shared stories of working in the hospital. They had talked for hours, right through dinner, and dessert, and even staying to order a coffee or two. All in all, the evening had gone well.

But there was still one conversation that kept replaying through Meredith's mind. It had started as a small comment, and had ended quickly, and at first she had thought nothing of it, but after a while she kept coming back to it. Something was off about Derek's response. Something didn't make sense. She hadn't even thought about it. She had been so busy at the time that she had shrugged it off.

_'Derek, your sister told me you were running for Chief?"_

_Derek had nodded. __"Yeah, mom.__Chief of Surgery."_

_"I didn't know that, Derek," Anna cut in. "That's really cool."_

_Derek nodded. __"Yeah."_

_"But you didn't get it?" His mother asked. "How many were running with you?"_

_"There were four__ of us. __Me__Addy__, Mark and another su__r__geon__ named Preston Burke."_

_"Preston Burke?__The Cardio surgeon?"__ Anna asked._

_Derek nodded. _

_"I heard he left Seattle Grace."_

_Derek nodded again. "He did."_

_"And so did __Addy__," Natalie stated.__ She scoffed. "Please don't tell me they put Mark in charge of anything."_

_Even Meredith laughed along with everyone else._

_"No, don't worry. They didn't."_

_"So, they didn't choose any of you? __How come?"__ Carol asked. _

_Derek had hesitated. He glanced at Meredith and quickly looked away and sat up straighter. "Oh, well, I guess it didn't matter anymore. Chief Webber decided not to retire."_

_"They put you through hoops, and then at the last minute the man decides not to leave?" Carol shook her head. "That's not fair to anyone. You should complain."_

_Derek paused, avoiding looking at Meredith. He shrugged. "It's not a problem. It really doesn't matter."_

And that had been it. The conversation had moved on from there, but there was something strange about Derek's response. She could remember how much he had wanted that job. He had kept her up all night ranting when the Chief had asked Burke the first time. He had worked so hard making plans, meeting with the Chief, looking for the support he knew he deserved. The Chief had asked him to Seattle with the promise of Chief. Derek had deserved it.

She sighed against the glass, her breath causing a small fog to appear, and then immediately begin to dissipate. Why hadn't she questioned the Chief's decision to stay before? It certainly was unusual and completely unfair to the four who had been vying for the position.

"You awake over there?" Derek called quietly.

She pulled her head away from its resting place and nodded. "Yeah," she answered quietly. She was exhausted. It was late. She leaned her head back against the headrest and watched the headlights cut through the dark road in front of them.

"I really am sorry," he spoke gently.

She shook her head. "It's okay, Derek. With everything that happened in the last year, I get it."

"You sure?"

She nodded. "Of course. It just took me by surprise. I never even considered whether you had told them. Hell, I never even considered that they would care. I was freaking out trying to figure out how to tell my friends, and you were probably doing the same thing. And it must be way harder over the phone."

Derek reached across the consul and took her hand. "I wasn't freaking out. I knew I needed to tell them, but I was hoping it could wait awhile. I was in love with how well things were going. I didn't want to add another potential roadblock." He spoke hesitantly, but honestly, as if the initial direction of the conversation with his family had made him determined to tell her everything.

Meredith laughed. "Well, don't worry. We're good at breaking through the roadblocks. And they didn't really pose a roadblock, maybe one of those spiky bump things that cause you to slow down, but definitely not a complete block."

Derek chuckled. "Was it that bad?"

"No, it really wasn't. They seemed really nice," she told him honestly. "The first bit kind of sucked, but afterwards, well it went better than I expected."

"Good."

"I really liked Anna. We have a lot in common, so it was easy to talk to her," she said, referring to the surgical residency part of their lives. Anna was just finishing and Meredith was just starting. "But Natalie was great too, and your mom seemed really... motherly. Complete opposite of Ellis."

Derek nodded sadly. "Yeah, she is." He squeezed her hand. "You deserve to know what its like to have a good mom, Meredith."

She smiled at his words. "If you're saying what I think you're saying, then please don't push right now, Derek. I'm okay meeting them and talking and stuff, but I can't do more. Not yet. The whole getting close and doing... girly stuff. I just can't handle that. Not yet." She hoped he would understand.

"But maybe one day?" He was smiling.

She nodded. "Maybe one day."

Derek sighed with relief and squeezed her hand as he steered the car into the entrance to the underground lot for their building. He dropped her hand to manoeuvre into the spot beside her jeep, and they both got out of the car.

In the sudden silence, Meredith's mind wandered back to the conversation about Chief. It was late. She was exhausted. All she wanted to do was fall into bed and sleep for hours. And she had to be up bright and early for rounds the next morning. But she needed to talk about it. She at least needed to ask. It was strange.

"Derek," she began as they stopped beside the single elevator. Derek pushed the button and they listened as the engines kicked in to bring the car down to the basement level.

"Hmm?" He asked, his arm falling easily over her shoulder as they waited.

"Why aren't you upset the Chief decided to stay?"

Derek tensed beside her, and she knew instinctively that he knew something about the situation that he hadn't shared with her. "Things worked out for the best this way."

She narrowed her eyes. "Things worked out for the best? How can you say that? You were so intent on getting that job. And your mother was right. It was wrong of Webber to make you all jump through hoops and then decide to stay."

The elevator dinged, echoing through the basement. The doors opened and they pulled away from each other to board. Derek settled himself against the side wall and ran his hand back through his hair. Then he took a breath and stepped forward, taking her hands in each of his.

"Look, I never meant not to tell you this, Meredith. I promise. But things kind of spun out of control. You were dealing with Susan and your father. I was freaking out. Then next thing I knew, Burke left and you and Cristina were on your way to Hawaii for two weeks... and I just kind of forgot. I promise you, I never meant to keep it from you, I just didn't think about it again until my mom asked this evening."

Meredith tensed. This was something big. She tried to prepare herself.

Derek opened his mouth...and the elevator dinged to announce its arrival on the fourth floor. He sighed and let go of one of her hands, choosing to hold on to the other. They walked together to their door, hand in hand.

As soon as the door was closed behind them, Derek turned to face her and took her other hand again. "Richard gave Chief to me."

Meredith's eyes widened. "He what?" She didn't understand.

"Richard gave Chief to me," Derek repeated. "On the day of the non-wedding. He offered me Chief. I turned him down."

"Why would you do that? You wanted that job so much."

He shook his head. "I thought I did, too. But in the end, it wasn't important anymore. And Richard wasn't ready to leave. I told him to have it back. It gave him a second chance to do everything right."

"A second chance to do everything right? What does that mean?"

Derek sighed. "He blames the job for what happened between him and Adele."

Meredith paused. She sensed the hidden meaning in Derek's words. "And you thought we wouldn't have a chance either?"

Derek shook his head. "It wasn't like that."

"Did you ever stop to wonder if he maybe wasn't the best example? Having a long term affair with my mother twenty years ago may have contributed to the destruction of his marriage more than the job."

"I wasn't trying to use him as an example. He told me..." Derek trailed off suddenly, as if realizing he was going too far.

Meredith's eyes shot up. "What did he say to you, Derek?"

Derek sighed and closed his eyes for several seconds. When he finally opened them again, his blue eyes were dark and pained. "The morning I went in asking for his support... well, I went back again that afternoon and he told me he couldn't give it to me."

"Why not?" She demanded.

"Because... because of you," he spoke softly. "He said the job would interfere too much, that it wasn't worth it."

Meredith sputtered as she struggled to find something to say. "So, he blacklisted you because you were in a relationship? Did he do the same to Burke?"

Derek shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Then why just you? I don't understand. Who does he think he is? The relationship expert? And why does he suddenly care so much about your happiness?"

Derek sighed sadly, meeting her eyes. "Look, I don't want to tell you this, but I promised myself I would always tell you the truth."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's not my happiness he was looking out for."

Meredith felt her blood run cold.

"Apparently he made your mother a promise before she died, that he'd watch out for you. He said he wouldn't give me his support because he thought the job would destroy us."

"You didn't come home that night," Meredith whispered. She clearly remembered calling him, his cell ringing until his voicemail picked up. Time after time; call after call.

Derek shook his head. "No. I had to think."

Meredith felt tears suddenly well in her eyes and she wrenched her hands out of his, stepping back.

"Meredith-" Derek stepped towards her, his hands out, trying to recapture hers.

She stepped back again. "Please. Don't."

He sighed, but respected her pleas and ceased his approach. "Please, Meredith. You need to understand. It was never about not wanting you. If I had to choose between you and a job, it was you, Mer. No question."

"Then why...?"

"It wasn't long after you drowned. I was freaking out about that. I still thought you had...given up on me. I wasn't thinking clearly. And after everything that had happened... I guess I just didn't want to end up with nothing."

"I don't understand..."

"I came to Seattle to be Chief."

"Then you should have taken the job," Meredith cut in, suddenly feeling the overwhelming need to tell him. To tell him to go the Chief and demand the job. He needed it. He had come for it. It was the only reason he had come to Seattle in the first place. She couldn't be the reason he didn't get his dream job. And she didn't even want to think about what would happen when his family found out...

Derek shook his head. "No, just listen. I came here to be Chief. My life was in shambles, Meredith. My personal life was... gone. I lost my wife and my best friend in the blink of an eye. I couldn't talk to my family about it. I was hurt and...embarrassed. How was I supposed to call my mother and tell her I was getting divorced because my wife slept with Mark?" He sighed. "When Richard called and offered me a job with a promise of being Chief, it was like a sign that I could succeed at something, even if I had failed everywhere else. That's why I came to Seattle." He paused for a few moments, cautiously stepping forward.

Meredith allowed his approached and even let him take her hands again. She looked up at him through blurry eyes, but refused to let the tears fall.

"Richard calling _was _a sign," Derek spoke. "I just didn't realize why for a while. Being Chief was my dream because at the time, it was all I had to hold on to. But then I had you. And you were a much better reason to be in Seattle. Meredith, you make me happier than I've ever been before, happier than I ever thought possible. I'm so thankful I had a reason to accept Richard's offer when I did. I can't imagine what my life would be like without that single phone call. But when he told me I couldn't have both... I just couldn't separate the two in my head. Becoming Chief was so ingrained... I was stupid, because it's really not a choice. I just hadn't realized that my dream had changed so dramatically without me noticing."

The tears were now streaming steadily down her cheeks, but Meredith just couldn't bring herself to care. "Derek..."

Suddenly she was in his arms, her head resting against his chest as he rubbed his hands up and down her back. "I'm sorry, Mer. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before."

"I can't be the reason you gave up your dream."

He shook his head. "You're not. You're the reason I have a dream. I don't want the job anymore. There's no incentive."

"But..." She tried to protest, but he shushed her gently.

"No buts. I want you, Meredith. I want to be happy. I don't want to throw any of it away to sit behind a desk every night doing paperwork and dealing with hospital politics. I want to be with you."

"You don't have to throw anything away. The Chief isn't always right. We can be together and you can be Chief. We'll make it work. We'll prove it can be done."

"I don't want the job anymore. Really. I want to cut. I want to help people. I don't want the added stress of running the entire wing that Richard has. Department head is extra paperwork enough. I'm happy where I am."

"But what if in a few years you change your mind?"

He shrugged. "Tell you what, when Richard decides to retire again, we can revisit the idea. Until then, there's really no point."

Meredith sighed against him. She was exhausted. She had dealt with a long, emotional day. She nodded. "Only if you promise me you'll actually think about it. I can't be the reason you don't get your dream job. I can't. I won't. There can't be any reason for you to look back in a few years and regret being with me."

He shook his head. "Never going to happen."

Meredith wasn't so sure, but she nodded and pulled away. She wiped her hand across her face and offered him a small smile. "Okay. I'm just going to head up to bed." She hated leaving him alone downstairs after such a harsh conversation, but after the day she had, she just couldn't find the energy to fix it. She staggered up the stairs and through their bedroom before locking herself in the bathroom. She broke down half way through brushing her teeth and allowed herself three minutes to cry before she washed her face and took a deep breath, hoping her red eyes would be accepted as tired, and not having been crying. She stepped out of the bathroom and silently passed Derek on his way in.

She stripped out of her clothes and tossed them in their combined laundry hamper before pulling on an old tee and slipping into bed. She turned to face the wall and wrapped the blanket around her body just as the door to the bathroom opened again. She heard Derek sigh as he stepped into their room and shuffled across the floor to his closet. The familiar sounds of him changing into his pyjamas filled her ears and then the springs on the bed shifted as he sat. She waited, but he didn't lie down.

He sighed again. "Meredith, do you want me to sleep on the couch?"

She was surprised by the question. The thought of a night alone to deal with the revelations regarding him and his decisions was tempting. But the thought of sleeping without him... "No. I want you to sleep here."

"Are you sure."

"Yes."

The springs shifted again as he lay himself down beside her. He didn't touch her. They would often fall asleep curled up to each other. And he would always at the very least lean over and kiss her goodnight. He obviously wasn't sure how welcome he was to do that. And she wasn't sure if she wanted him to.

"I love you," Derek whispered gently, obviously not able to let all of their nightly traditions slide despite the atmosphere.

"I love you, too," Meredith responded. And she was in tears again. They streaked across her face as she struggled to keep her sobs in control. She didn't want him to know she was crying. But it was too late.

Strong arms wrapped around her lower torso. "I'm so sorry, Mer," he whispered.

"I know," she managed to say through her tears.

"What can I do?"

She shook her head. "You're already doing it. I'm just exhausted. I can't continue this tonight."

He nodded against the back of her head. "Okay. We'll get some sleep and talk tomorrow."

Meredith sighed thankfully and snuggled closer to his strong chest as her breathing fell back into a normal rhythm. She took some comfort in the fact that they could still sleep so tightly bound together. It was a good sign. They would get some sleep and talk more tomorrow. She sighed sadly as she realized she hadn't told him about her rank, but now was definitely not the time to do it.

_**AN: Well, I didn't expect the chief revelation to end up like this, but it just flowed this way. This was, btw, the last thing Derek needed to get out that didn't fit in The Talk. If I've missed anything else, please let me know. I was surprised to see how long this chapter was when I glanced down at my word count and debated at making it two chapters, but this was already like the third chapter for this single day... **__**lol**__**, and I didn't want to make it four. I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading.**__** Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays and all that!**_


	32. a night off

"Here it is," Derek announced as he navigated his car down the winding dirt drive toward the trailer. His only patient of the day had sailed through surgery that morning, and no other neurosurgical patients had presented themselves, unfortunately leaving Derek free to play tour guide to his family for the entire afternoon. And all Derek wanted to do was drag Meredith out of the hospital at six, and do whatever it took to make all of the events of the previous day up to her. The speed at which things went from wonderful to horribly tense and stressful really hit home the importance of being open right from the beginning.

The morning had been awkward; very few words had been exchanged. After a stressful evening and a relatively sleepless night, they had slept late, leaving very little time to interact as they rushed to get ready for work. And because Derek had been planning on this little tour guide gig, they had been forced to take separate cars. He had smiled supportively at her as she had stepped into her Jeep. She had smiled back and nodded. And that was the last time he had seen her.

"It's a beautiful piece of land, Derek," his mother offered from the passenger seat beside him. She had been relatively silent since they had departed the ferry boat and begun the short drive through the country roads to his land.

He nodded noncommittally as he pulled up to his former, now overgrown, parking space. The sound of his three passenger doors opening filled his ears and he sighed and followed suit. He stepped away from the car and paused as Natalie appeared beside him, her arm looping comfortably through his.

"Derek," she said with laughter in her voice. "I just..." She giggled. "I just didn't believe it until I saw it. You actually lived here?"

Derek nodded.

"I mean, really, Derek? You moved out of the Hampton's and into a trailer? For a year?"

He rolled his eyes as he allowed a small smile to flitter to his mouth.

Anna joined them, also displaying her amusement with the situation. "Yeah, Derek. I don't actually know what's funnier, that _you _lived in a trailer, or that you made _Addy_ live in a trailer. That is something I wish I could have seen." Although Anna had been friendly with Addison, she was the only sister that had never completely warmed up to her former sister-in-law.

Carol turned and smiled gently at her three children laughing together. "Your sisters are right, Derek. I can't believe you made Addison live out here."

Natalie nodded. "It was a good way to get your revenge."

Derek scoffed gently. "It was never meant to be revenge."

"Oh, please, Derek. This would have been torture for her. I understand why you and Meredith chose to live in town."

"Actually, Meredith loves it out here too. It's just too far away from the hospital for now. She'll have interns and early rounds for a few years yet. We talked about living out here, but it would have meant too much commuting."

"You mean Meredith would actually _want_ to live out in the middle of nowhere in a trailer?"

"What's wrong with living out here?" He asked, suddenly defensive.

"Nothing, dear," Carol responded. "But we're glad you put your time in and have moved on now."

"What did you mean by it's too far away for now?" Natalie asked suddenly.

"Hmm?"

"You said it was too far away while Meredith had so many hours. Are you planning on downgrading back to the trailer in a few years?" She asked sarcastically.

Derek rolled his eyes good naturedly. "No, well, not long term at least," he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, hesitating about whether or not to continue. However, his words had attracted the attention of Anna and his mother, as well as Natalie, so the choice was made for him. "We were kind of thinking about moving out here in a few years, and building a house."

"A house?" His mother questioned.

He nodded. "Yeah, we both love the land," he said defensively. "It's beautiful out here; you really need to see it in the morning to fully appreciate it."

Carol shook her head at him. "Sweetie, I didn't mean it in a bad way," she spoke softly, her face taking on an expression he couldn't quite place. "I just hadn't realized..."

"What?"

She smiled at him, her eyes suddenly moist. "I hadn't realized you had thought so far ahead...with Meredith."

Derek resisted the urge to become even more defensive. "Well, I have," he told her. "We have."

"So, you two are... pretty serious?" Anna questioned.

Derek nodded. "Of course. Do you think I'd be living with her if we weren't?" Three pairs of eyes very discreetly avoided meeting his. He scoffed. "Seriously? You think I'm_ that_ guy? What, do you think this is just some kind of mid life crisis thing?"

"Well, Derek," Carol began gently. "What are we supposed to think? You disappear from New York, have some sort of affair, go back to Addy, and then suddenly you're getting a divorce and you're back with the intern. And now you've rushed and moved in together."

"I thought we dealt with all of this last night." He stated.

Carol sighed. "We dealt with a lot last night, Derek, but it still doesn't explain everything that happened last year."

Derek sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling the beginnings of a tension headache coming on. "Mom..."

"Derek, we're your family. We're allowed to be concerned."

"But you have no reason to be concerned," he cut in. "I'm sorry that you don't approve of my choices, but nothing you can say could possibly make me change anything. I love it here. I love Seattle. I love my job. And, most importantly, I love Meredith. And that's not going to change."

"Derek, we didn't mean to offend you. You just can't see it from our point of view. We had no idea what was really going on. You didn't tell us anything. And after last night, Meredith seems like a very nice young woman, and is very good for you, but how were we supposed to know that before?"

"Yeah, Derek," Natalie added. "Without an explanation, a lot of things that we heard about kind of screamed mid life crisis."

Derek stewed silently for several seconds, trying to decide how sincere they were being. He breathed and a small amount of the tension dissipated. "Fine. Maybe from your end it looked like a mid life crisis. But really..." He trailed off and sighed, knowing he owed them an explanation on his behaviour, especially if they were ever going to accept Meredith's place in his life. "I know it looked bad, with Addy out here and everything... but the truth is, I should never have gone back to her.

"I came to Seattle, and I was a wreck, and I met Meredith... and suddenly everything else just...didn't matter anymore. I felt like I could breathe again. And then when Addy showed up...I made a mistake. I felt obligated, but I always regretted my decision. And even though I was honestly trying to work on my marriage, I never stopped loving Meredith."

"And the prom thing Nancy told us about?" Anna asked hesitantly.

Derek sighed, realizing his hope that Nancy hadn't shared that tidbit of information had been sadly misplaced. "I just couldn't live in the facade anymore."

"Don't you regret it at all?"

"Of course I do. Not only did I hurt Addy and sink to her level, but I forced Meredith into a situation she was actively avoiding. I destroyed something that should have been..." He sighed. "I marred something that should have been perfect."

"Awe," Natalie said, smiling at him. "You really did fall in love, didn't you?"

Derek felt his cheeks flush as he rolled his eyes, actively avoiding his sister's knowing gaze.

"Awe, it's cute," Anna added.

"Shut up," he muttered.

"So," Carol started, her eyes shinning. "You're talking about building a house."

He met her eyes and nodded. "Yeah."

"Are you talking about anything more than just a house?"

Derek didn't have to ask for clarification to know exactly what she was talking about. He nodded. "One day," he responded quietly. "We've talked about some things, but in more of a general future way. But we're not in any hurry right now."

"Good," Carol responded. "You moved far too quickly last time." Once they were living together, Addison had pushed very quickly for a ring, although they were engaged for well over a year while Addy planned the wedding.

Derek smiled at her comment, knowing its meaning meant he was gaining his mother's support.

"But you are saying I will one day have another daughter-in-law?" She clarified.

"I hope so," Derek nodded.

"If you've talked about it, shouldn't you be more than hopeful?" Natalie joked.

He smiled. "I guess. We'll get there one day. Mer's just..." he trailed off, realizing he was approaching the line where he may soon begin telling his family too much. But one look at the three sets of questioning eyes and he knew he was committed to telling them something. "Mer's a little...hesitant about moving forward to quickly. She hasn't really had any good experiences on the family front."

"She did seem a little sketchy about her parents," Natalie commented.

He nodded.

"What happened?" Anna asked gently.

He shook his head. "That's not for me to tell you," he said. "Look, she hasn't had a great life so far, but despite of it, she's amazing. She really is. If you just give her a chance, you'll see."

"Yup," Anna stated, nodding towards her sister. "He's definitely in love."

000

Derek turned the key and gently pushed open the door to the apartment, unsure of what type of mood he would find his girlfriend in. After his revelations of the night before, he wouldn't blame her if she wasn't talking to him. It was almost seven, and he knew she was already home because he had parked beside her jeep.

"Hey," he called out, deciding to make the first move to talk and let her direct the conversation that obviously needed to take place.

She stepped out of the kitchen, a glass of orange juice in her hand. "Hey," she responded quietly, her voice scratchy from exhaustion. She was wearing plaid pyjama pants and her Dartmouth tee shirt, which pointed to the fact that she had already had a shower, and her hair was dry, so she had likely only gotten as far as blow drying before her tired body forced her to the kitchen for some much needed fuel. "Is it seven already?" She glanced backwards at the clock on the microwave. She scowled. "Derek, I'm sorry. I got home late and I just needed something to drink. I can go and get dressed and I'll be ready in five minutes."

He smiled warmly at her. She was exhausted and they weren't quite alright, but still, here she was trying to please him by dressing up and going out with his family, even though she looked like all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for a good twelve hours. "Don't worry about it," he called as she headed for the stairs. "We're not going out tonight."

"But, I thought..."

"Mom and the girls were up for an evening of shopping," he explained. "And we're both exhausted. I rescheduled for tomorrow night if that's okay? We both have tomorrow off, so it'll give us more time to get ready. This wasn't fair to you."

"No, its fine," she countered quickly. Too quickly.

"Its okay, Meredith. They don't think any less of you, I promise. They'll be here for another couple days."

"But they came so far to see you."

He smiled gently at her. "They did," he agreed. "And they spent all afternoon with me, making fun of the trailer," he added. "But right now, it's more important I spend time with you."

She hesitated, as if she wanted to argue, wanted to tell him he was wrong, but her tired eyes thanked him for not making her go out tonight. Because if any shred of him wanted her to put on a happy face and pretend not to be utterly exhausted for a few hours, she would do it in a heartbeat.

"Meredith, I am so sorry about yesterday."

She nodded, placing her glass down on the half way separating them from the kitchen. "I know."

"And I swear, I never meant to not tell you about the Chief thing, I just...it slipped my mind. You got back, and we talked, and things were so good, and I just never thought about it again."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, just, please, don't keep things like this from me anymore."

He shook his head. "I won't. I promise."

She sniffed and stepped forward, her open arms inviting him close. He quickly closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms tightly around her middle.

"How much were you freaking out?" She asked a few moments later, her voice muffled as she spoke against his shoulder.

"Hmm?"

She loosened her hold around his neck to pull far enough back to meet his eyes. "The night you didn't come home. After you talked to Richard. How much were you freaking out?"

He sighed. "More than I should have been. And more because I knew it shouldn't be a choice, but I was having a hard time accepting that."

She nodded. "I understand, why you freaked out, I mean. I understand. If you had thought I'd basically given up on us, then I totally understand."

"It's still no excuse, though." He added, making sure she knew how wrong he knew himself to be.

"Maybe not now, but back then..." She shrugged. "We know we were horrible at doing the talking thing and the communicating thing, but we decided together to let that stuff go and move on. So, I guess as long as you don't still feel that way, which you obviously don't if you gave up Chief..."

"I absolutely don't feel that way anymore," he responded, knowing she knew but still needed to hear it. "And I made the right decision. About Chief, I mean. I made the right decision."

She tilted her head. "Derek."

He smiled and leaned his forehead against hers, his smile widening when she met his pressure. "If I was Chief, we wouldn't have nearly as much time to spend together and we don't have much as it is. And I love spending time with you."

She smiled and closed her eyes and nodded against him. "Me too."

Derek sighed happily at the realization that they had made it through their first conflict since their big talk, and yet, the happy bubble they had been living under still hadn't burst. "So, do you want something to eat, or do you just want to get some sleep?"

"Sleep," she mumbled.

"Good. Me too." He pulled his forehead away from hers and placed a loving kiss on her forehead before releasing her and following her up to their bedroom. Meredith made a beeline straight for the bed, while Derek was delayed with brushing his teeth and getting changed. He stepped out of the bathroom, stripped down to his boxers and pulled an old tee over his head before peeling back the covers and slipping into bed, his arms automatically reaching out to find the warm body he was now so accustomed to sharing a bed with.

She sighed happily as she shifted to accommodate him, linking her fingers through his as his strong arms wrapped around her lower torso. "I do love you," she mumbled.

He kissed the back of her head. "I love you, too."


	33. Time to Celebrate

Meredith stepped out of the resident locker room, feeling fresh and ready for her shift for the first time in days, and briskly headed for the nurse's station. After finally getting a good night's sleep, she had spent the previous afternoon and most of the evening out with Derek and his family. And surprisingly, it had gone rather well. It wasn't that they weren't nice to her during their first outing, but they had seemed more...neutral towards her and her relationship with Derek. However, the previous day they had seemed more...in favour. Happy, even. Upon prompting, Derek had admitted to a discussion he had had with them when they had headed out to see his land. Apparently they had been updated quite accurately on the goings on of the previous year and informed that she was going to be a permanent fixture in his life. A permanent fixture. Permanent. It made her smile. It meant he was going to be a permanent fixture in her life. And that was something she had never had before.

"Hey, Mer," George called out as he met up with her at the nurse's station, suppressing a yawn.

"Hey, George. Tired?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I was on call last night."

She scrunched her nose. "Did you get any sleep?"

He shrugged. "A few little bits, but it was a busy night, I got a lot of pages."

"Well, you're off early today, right? That's something."

He nodded. "Oh, I'm counting the hours."

She laughed.

"So, how's it going with Shepherd's family in town?"

She shrugged. "It's going okay, I think. A couple awkward parts and all, but I think I'm gaining ground, with his younger sister at least. Anna. She's just finishing her residency, so we have a lot in common. And Natalie is really nice, but more protective of Derek. It must be an older sister thing."

"And his mom?"

Meredith hesitated briefly. "I'm not too sure where I stand with her. I think that she doesn't hate me, but is maybe a little untrusting of our relationship? Derek hates it, but I kind of get it, you know? Our history is kind of working against us, so if she needs some time to realize I'm in this, then I think that's okay. I'm not going anywhere." She rambled, but was pretty sure she was getting her point across.

George smiled broadly at her, his eyes crinkling despite his tiredness.

She narrowed her eyes at her favourite intern. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just...you're all grown up," he told her, with only a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

She rolled her eyes and took a playful swipe at him. "Shut up."

"Hey," Their former resident's voice seemingly came out of nowhere. "Don't hit you interns." Bailey paused at the desk beside them as she jotted down some notes on the chart in her hands.

"He was asking for it," Meredith joked.

Bailey glanced away from her chart. Her eyes darted towards her and to a smirking George, and then back to her. "I'm sure he was, but no matter how many times he asked for it last year, I never hit him."

George scoffed at her accusation, but Meredith laughed, finding Miranda Bailey to have a sense of humour now that she was no longer the woman's intern. "Good point. I guess I just haven't developed your patience yet, Dr. Bailey."

The short surgeon rolled her eyes. "Don't _even_ try to butter me up, Grey. And no more hitting your intern here. As newly appointed Chief Resident, it's my new rule. No hitting interns, and no hitting _on_ interns, something far too many of the residents _and _Attendings in this hospital have been doing on too regularly of a basis for my liking." And with that, she passed her chart across the desk to a nurse and was gone, disappearing down the hallway into the mass of people before Meredith could even begin to think up a retort. It wasn't like Derek obviously breaking that rule the previous year had been her fault... And it especially wasn't as if they were the only ones.

"She told you," George muttered, causing her to roll her eyes.

"Careful, Bailey's not around, I can hit you now," she threatened playfully, holding up a small fist.

He laughed, but they were cut off before he could retort.

"Meredith," Cristina called breathily as she rushed up to the desk, collapsing between them, effectively causing George to roll his eyes and move around her if he still wanted to be a part of the conversation. "I tried to call you yesterday." She stated, her voice rushed as if she were in a hurry.

Meredith nodded. "I know. I got your message and called you back. You didn't answer."

"I was in surgery."

Meredith blinked. "Then what's the problem? We were both busy."

Cristina scoffed. "You weren't even on yesterday," she explained, her tone still breathily. "The only thing worthy of not answering your phone is surgery. And sometimes sex, but I know you were out with the McFamily, so I'm assuming you had your clothes on."

Meredith laughed and exchanged a look with George, who had an amused smile gracing his face and raised an eyebrow when Meredith met his eyes. "Sorry, Cris. I was busy doing the girlfriend thing, meeting the family and all. They're actually pretty okay. I've won over at least one sister, and maybe the other. And I think his mom is starting to like me..."She began to expand on her exploits of the previous day.

"Whatever," Cristina cut in, holding her hand up. "We have more important issues at hand. We need to figure this out."

Meredith shifted her eyes a few times. "Figure what out?"

Cristina rolled her eyes and breathed out, clearly exasperated. She glared at her person, but leaned in, obviously trying to keep the information as top secret as possible. And she shoved George away when he attempted to lean in to hear.

"Hey, you're not allowed to hit interns," George mumbled, as he staggered to stay evenly on his feet, but Cristina ignored him.

"We need to figure out who ranked first," she hissed, her elbow resting on the desk as she leaned in as close to Meredith as she could. "I've managed to find out that it's not Robinson or Monroe."

Meredith felt her heart rate increase. She had forgotten she needed to hide that single, important piece of important information from her best friend for as long as she could. "Cristina, can't you just let it go?"

She shook her head. "Of course not," she retorted. "And you promised you'd help."

"Well, I've kind of been a little busy, with the whole Derek's family is in town and all and... wait a minute! I never promised I'd help you."

"Well, you're my person. You owe it to me to help; it's like a rule or something. You're being a bad person." Cristina accused.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Just like you've been helping me with the whole project: make Derek's family stop hating Meredith?" She countered.

"I have my own problems, Meredith," she muttered and quickly turned on her heel and headed down the hall, leaving Meredith shaking her head.

"I'll talk to you later, then," she called jokingly at her departing best friend, laughing as Cristina's interns sped down the hall after her. She knew Cristina wasn't mad at her. And she also knew she would be accosted once again some time later that day. She'd have to watch her back. She had been lucky this time, but would benefit from being prepared. The more second year residents Cristina interrogated, the closer it would bring her to Meredith. She had already had the entire previous day, when Meredith had been off with Derek and his family, her mind far away from the hospital, intern tests and rankings.

"What was that all about?" George asked gently, respecting that he may not be given access to any information, but his curiosity forcing him to at least try.

She sighed. "It's...a long story. Cristina is just being..." She shrugged and rolled her eyes. "Cristina." She concluded. George would understand. "I'm sure it'll all be out in the open in a few days."

George nodded, silently accepting her answer.

Meredith sighed and glanced at her watch. She sighed at the late time. "Okay, it's five after seven, where is everyone else?" She asked, referring to her other three interns.

George smirked and tilted his head, his gaze hovering on a point somewhere over her left shoulder.

Meredith craned her head to follow his gaze, spotting her other interns huddled across the room, their eyes focussed on her. She furrowed her brow and turned momentarily back to her favourite intern. "Why are they over there and you're over here?"

George shrugged. "Cause, I'm not afraid of Cristina." He smirked. "And they are."

Meredith snorted and rolled her eyes. "Seriously." She shook her head and sighed, waving the three younger doctors over. They shuffled quickly towards them, automatically forming a semi circle to await her directions.

"Okay," she began. "Dr. O'Malley, Dr. Webber has requested you this morning. Go prep his patient in 5204 and scrub in. Afterwards prep Dr. Hahn's valve replacement for his afternoon surgery."

"Of course, Dr. Grey," he responded, and headed off down the hall.

"Dr. Myers, you can scrub in with Dr. Bailey, but you'll have to find her. She went that way five minutes ago." She pointed in the direction Bailey had headed.

"Thanks, Dr. Grey," he called as he hurried down the hall, as if he could make up five minute in one sprint. He still had so much to learn. Just because Dr. Bailey had short legs, didn't mean she wasn't as fast, or faster, as those gifted with more height.

"And you two," she said, turning back to her remaining interns. "Go to the pit. And I'm feeling generous. If any surgical cases present themselves, feel free to scrub in if you can." They both nodded and headed for the elevator.

She sighed and turned back to the desk. "Can I have Brad Conner's chart, please?" She requested.

The nurse behind the desk nodded. "Here you go, Dr. Grey." She smiled as she passed the chart over the desk.

"Thanks, Liz," Meredith called as she accepted the chart and headed down the hallway towards her patient for the morning. She was to be scrubbing in with Mark on a facial reconstruction. He had requested her for it earlier in the week when the patient had first been admitted. He had also demanded she not include an intern stating something about enjoying his low mortality rates as a plastic surgeon and not wanting to mar his reputation by including an, apparently, incompetent intern.

"Good morning, Mr. Conner," she called as she knocked on the door. "Oh," she said as she spotted Mark standing bedside. "Hello, Dr. Sloan."

"Grey," he responded with a smirk and a nod, remnants of his patented McSteamy face prominent.

She fought the urge to shake her head. Mark would always be Mark.

"It seems that Mr. Conner, here, has spiked a fever overnight," Mark told her. "So, we won't be operating this morning. You'll need to get yourself a new case."

Meredith nodded. "Okay." She turned to head out of the room, surprised to feel a presence following her. She paused down the hallway from the patient room and turned to face Mark. "What's up?"

Mark rolled his eyes. "Four days," he muttered. "It took us four days to get him stable enough for surgery, and then, according to the nurses, the idiot spent the last two days making out with his sick, infectious girlfriend. And now the dumb ass is sick and it took me an hour to explain to him over, and over, just exactly why it is we can't operate. I swear, sometimes I wonder why I bother..."

Meredith laughed. "It can't be that bad."

He shrugged, taking the chart from her hands and flipping through the pages. "Well, the only positive aspect is that this was my third facial reconstruction this week. I've never had so many people smash their faces to pieces in the same time period before."

Meredith shook her head, but fought off the urge to laugh. It really wasn't that funny.

"So," he began. "How's the new cohabitation going?" He raised an eyebrow.

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over the chart, evenly meeting his gaze with a small shake of her head.

He scoffed. "Fine. Don't tell me. I'll hear it from him anyway..."

She shook her head. "No you won't. We both know you two are just starting to talk again. And we _especially_ both know that he doesn't talk about me." It was no secret to the hospital that Derek and Mark were slowly rebuilding their friendship. Whether it was loneliness during Meredith's two week absence, or maybe the fact that Addison was gone, nobody knew. But some time in the past few weeks, the two men had set aside their past and began to talk again. Or, maybe more accurately, Derek had set aside the past and began responding to Mark's adamant requests for friendship. He had become less hateful and more neutral following Meredith's drowning accident, but still resistant to actually doing anything with Mark. Meredith had thought the bachelor party thing had been a fluke, but when she had returned from her Hawaiian vacation, she had been surprised to spot Derek and Mark talking in the halls several times.

Mark narrowed his eyes. "Fine," he relented. "Maybe we don't talk about you yet, but we will. Soon. I still remember exactly how to get him to talk about anything I want."

Meredith forced herself to shrug and keep a relatively neutral expression, giving the impression that she wasn't the least bit worried, but on the inside she did, in fact, feel a small twinge of worry. Derek and Mark were closer now than she had ever seen them, and they really weren't all that close yet. But after practically a lifetime of friendship...well, she had to relent that Mark just may be right. She would have to talk to Derek. Soon. And make sure he realized the consequences of speaking about certain things that involved her. Then at least she would have the upper hand. She'd show Mark she was the superior former dirty mistress.

"So," Mark began again, his voice taking on a tone she couldn't quite place as he avoided her eyes. "I, uh, heard a rumour that there were some extra Shepherd's floating around in Seattle..."

Meredith glanced up, surprised. It hadn't occurred to her that Mark would care. But, by the expression on his face, she realized just how much he cared. From what Derek had told her, Mark had been family. "Yeah, his mother is here, and Anna and Natalie."

"Carol's here?" He questioned.

She nodded. "Yeah. They've all been here for a few days. I think they're flying home tomorrow."

He looked hurt. "Oh, okay." He glanced down, and made a few notes into the chart still in his hands. Meredith was sure he was using it as an excuse to take a moment to collect himself. After a few moments he looked back up, a hint of the normal Mark smirk across his features. "So, how are you doing with the Shepherds?"

"What?"

Suddenly his expression was a full fledged smirk. "How much progress have you made in convincing them you aren't a slutty intern who is vice president of the dirty mistress club."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm so not vice president. What makes you think you get to be president?"

Mark smiled back in good humour. "Cause, I make a much better dirty mistress than you. I have _years_ of practice." He raised an eyebrow as his lips tightened confidently.

She scoffed, but knew she couldn't argue. From what she had heard, he was absolutely right. She couldn't compete...not that she really wanted to compete in this particular category.

"But if it's that important, you can be vice president _and_ cofounder." He smirked.

She laughed. "Okay, deal," she relented with a joking smile.

He nodded. "Good, glad to have you on board." He jokingly held out his hand, to which she laughed, but shook. "But seriously, how have you been doing convincing them you aren't a slutty intern?"

She shrugged. "Well, the intern part is easy, seeing as I am a resident now." She laughed. "The slutty part...I'm working on it. I don't think they hate me, so that's something."

Mark's smirk faded. "They're good people, Meredith," he told her, his voice more compassionate than she could ever remember hearing it. "Just give them some time."

She smiled sympathetically back at him. "Okay," she told him, not knowing what else to say. She only knew a little of what it felt like to lose family, and her loss had only been after a few months of knowing them. Mark had lost a family he had known since he could remember. She may not know what it felt like to lose a long term family, but she definitely knew what it felt like to not have one. She could definitely sympathise with that. And she knew better than anyone that there just wasn't anything she could possibly do or say to make him feel any better.

Mark shrugged, clearly uncomfortable with her empathy. He closed the chart and passed it back to her. "Well, I have to be going, busy morning and all," he spoke quickly before escaping any further discussion by disappearing down the hall.

Meredith shook her head sadly, wondering if he even realized how stupid his excuse was when his morning surgery had just been cancelled. She shrugged, realizing there was very little she could do to help him. The only thing she could possibly offer at this point was to not comment on his slip-up.

"Mer," Cristina called out, appearing from behind her, causing Meredith to jump. She turned to face her approaching best friend, cursing under her breath.

"What's up?" Meredith questioned lightly, hoping to keep the conversation out of dangerous territory.

"It's not Martin. Have you ruled anyone out yet?" Meredith sighed. Apparently the conversation was well in enemy territory before it had even begun.

"Cris, it's been like fifteen minutes. How could I have possibly ruled anyone out yet?"

Cristina huffed. "Well, hurry up!" And then she rushed past Meredith and around the corner, before Meredith had a chance to respond at all. Meredith shrugged. That had gone much better then she had expected. If only her run-ins could stay like that, but she knew better.

She sighed and headed back down the hall to return the chart. She had been at the hospital for less than an hour, and Cristina had already confronted her twice about discovering who ranked first. That left her with no doubt that her best friend was confronting every second year resident in the surgical department. That meant word would quickly spread through the hospital that not only were the ranks out, but that some mystery person had ranked first. Meredith suddenly wondered how much access Derek had to that kind of information. She couldn't let him find out from another source.

After passing her chart back across the nurse's desk, Meredith made a bee line for the locker room. She glanced around to ensure she had privacy before she quickly opened her cubby and pulled the crumpled envelope out from the back corner. Pulling the edges to straighten the letter out, she regarded it for several seconds, a smile coming unbidden to her lips at the sudden swell of pride she felt. The events of the past few days had forced her thoughts away from her results, but now, thanks to Cristina, they would soon be out in the open, whether she liked it or not.

She took a deep breath, folded her envelope several times and stuffed it into her lab coat pocket. Then she closed her cubby and headed for Derek's office.

000

Meredith knocked hesitantly on the door, and slowly turned the knob and pushed it open when Derek's familiar voice called out for her to _come in_.

"Hey!" He greeted happily as he looked up from his paperwork, a smile on his face.

"Hey," she responded, quieter than him, as she gently pushed the door shut behind her. She definitely wanted privacy for this conversation.

He stood and came around his desk to hug her. "I'm so glad you're here. I haven't seen you in almost an hour," he joked.

Meredith laughed as she leaned into his hug, smiling at the sight of the three postcards she had sent him from Hawaii still pinned up on his bulletin board. He pulled away and tilted his head gently as he regarded her. "So, what do I owe this great honour?"

She rolled her eyes in good nature as he smiled at her. "Great honour, huh?"

He smirked and stepped side to side to shuffle closer to her, his hands landing on her hips; his fingers clutching at the hem of her scrub top. "Mmmhmm," he mumbled. "A _great_ honour..." his breath was hot against her cheek as he leaned in. "I assume you're here to continue what we started this morning..."

Meredith laughed aloud, realizing he had vastly misinterpreted her closing his door. But she couldn't resist sidling close to him, her arms reaching under his to skim along the back of his navy blue scrub shirt. "Derek, seriously, it's only been like two hours..."

He breathed against her neck. "You're one to talk." He brushed his cheek up and down hers gently, his always present stubble creating a wonderful array of friction and electricity. She groaned despite herself. "You came to me..." He whispered into her ear.

She sighed, knowing she had to either remove herself from the situation or commit herself to the project before the decision was made for her. And she knew what the result would be; she could never resist him for long. "I did," she conceded. "To talk, not to...do...other...stuff." He narrowed his eyes, causing her to giggle. "Not that I don't want to do other stuff, but we're only an hour into shift."

He smiled and kissed her quickly before making an overly dramatic show of sighing and releasing his gentle hold on her. He stepped to the side and leaned back against the edge of his desk, his ankles crossed in front of him, as he surveyed her, his gaze purposely scorching. Just so he made sure she knew what she was missing. Meredith smiled. This was one of those times she regretted dubbing Mark with McSteamy. Derek could definitely pull off both when he wanted to.

"So," he prompted when it became apparent she was sufficiently too distracted to remember she had come to him for some unknown reason. "What was it you needed?"

She shook her head, realizing she had spaced out a bit. Her cheeks blushed just so, but she ignored it, hoping he would follow suit and be good enough to not mention it, although his growing smirk told her he had definitely noticed. "I, uh, came to-"

She was cut off by the sudden chirping of a pager. Derek jumped just slightly as the small electronic box attached to his waistband began to vibrate. His fingers expertly sought out the pager and tilted it upwards, his eyes squinting as he read the tiny letters flashing across the equally tiny screen.

"Nine-one-one," he muttered. "I'm needed in the pit." He looked back up at her, his blue eyes meeting hers dead on as he shrugged. "Sorry. We'll have to put this on hold."

She shook her head. "It can wait," she told him. She could only hope she was right.

"Good." He leaned in to place a quick kiss on her forehead, his hands landing on her waist line once again as he gently manoeuvred around her small frame. "Close the door behind you when you're done." And then the door was swinging shut behind him as he rushed to save the life of an unknown accident victim.

The heavy wooden door landed back against the door jam, not quite hard enough to close and bounced back a few inches before hovering and becoming still, allowing Meredith a slit of a window into the serene hallway servicing the department head offices. The quiet stillness of the outdoor world gave her the confidence to hang around for a few minutes without the fear of being caught. She made her way around the large, oak desk and collapsed into Derek's chair. She toyed with the thought of playing with the settings to bug him, but shook her head, deciding against it. Derek had ranted about just how long it had taken him to get the chair just right. For a man who spent so little time at his desk, he was very picky.

She pivoted side to side several times, shaking her head at the framed picture he had of the two of them on his desk. It had been taken when they had first gotten back together. A rare day off together had sent them wandering through the park, hand in hand. An older couple, obviously tourists complete with matching fanny packs and cameras handing around their necks had requested their help in taking a picture. Meredith had smiled lightly as Derek had valiantly stepped forward, snapping several shots of the couple as they posed. When he went to return the camera to its owners, Meredith hadn't realized what he had been doing as he suddenly dug his hand into his pocket. And he had turned his back to her for several moments as he passed the mystery pocket item to the woman. Then he had turned back towards her and smiled as he approached. She had looked curiously at him and tried to turn as he slid around, to stand mostly behind her, but his arms wrapped comfortably around her middle, keeping her still. Then she had realised the tourist woman was now holding up Derek's phone, adjusting it as she tried to find the perfect frame for a photo.

The first shot showed her surprise and his laughter.

The second showed her struggling to pull away. He looked somewhat concerned.

The third was now framed and sitting before her on his desk. After a short stint of gentle coaxing, she had accepted his apology and consented to a photo. The snapshot had caught them flawlessly, the happiness and relief at their newly found reunion with each other evident in their smiles and posture. He had his arms wrapped loosely around her middle, her fingers weaved through his as they leaned into one another. And his chin was resting gently on her shoulder as he leaned his cheek against hers. His eyes were bright and shiny, matching the broad smile on his lips. He looked happy. Her expression was a little looser. He had said something funny, something she couldn't even remember now. But at the time it had made her normally suppressed smile break open in a torrent of light giggles as the photo was taken. They looked really happy. The horrible few months before them was over. They were back together, with no idea of the events to come in the following months. Back then they had had no idea just how easily everything would almost come loose around them. They had just been happy to be together again.

It was a feeling Meredith hoped would never cease. The joy she felt at being together was what she attributed to having kept them together long enough for the two of them to finally stop acting like they had, and set to developing a stronger relationship. And they had.

Meredith smiled despite herself and swung the chair all the way around, her eyes catching on the only other photo in the room. She stood and wandered over to the shelving units on the opposite wall, her hands reaching out to carefully pull down the framed keepsake. The family photo showed a much younger Derek, his frame lankier, his hair much less controlled and his shoulders lighter, as if the weight of the world had never yet settled on them for any amount of time. But his smile was the same. Light. Happy. Free. Very Derek. It made her feel good, that she could recognize some part of him from so many years ago; that she could see even a hint of the Derek she knew now.

When they had first been together, long before the name Addison rang any bells in her head, Meredith had wandered up to Derek's office after a long thirty-six hour shift. He had promised her dinner when she finished. It had been the first time she had been in his office and had immediately narrowed in on the single personal item he had graced his office with the presence of, that wasn't his med school diploma. She had pulled the photo down, much like she was doing now, and asked him if that was his family; anything to get more information about his past.

Derek had smiled and nodded, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms loosely around her waist as he pointed out the smiling faces in the photograph on by one. _That's my mom, Carol, and that's me, of course. This was probably taken in my senior year of high school.__ I was just starting to understand the importance of product for the hair,_ he joked._ And that's my __younger sister, __Anna,__ we're a little more than__ three years apart. And that's __Nat,__ she's only a year and a half older than me. __And then Nancy, _he pointed her out. _She's two years older than Nat. And there's Kathleen, she's the oldest, and that's her husband Simon, though I can't remember of they're married in this picture. They may just be engaged._ He had squinted, as if searching for a ring on Simon's hand.

_Wow, _she had responded. _You really weren't kidding when you said you had four sisters. _

He had laughed, his chin coming to rest gently on her shoulder. _Nope. And trust me. That's not something you joke about._

Back in the present Meredith smiled at the happy memory as she traced her eyes over the old photograph once again. The only difference was she now recognized all of the occupants except Kathleen and Simon. And from the conversation the day before, she was pretty sure she's be meeting them soon enough. And the three husbands who were absent. And the fourteen kids. And who knows how many aunts and uncles and cousins she didn't yet know about.

The previous day had gone well, Meredith had felt much more comfortable with the Shepherd clan, and Derek had been ecstatic that they had gotten along so well. But it seemed to her that Carol and her two daughters had conspired together, as the conversation commonly took turns to question when Derek, and Meredith, apparently, would come to New York. There had been talk about Thanksgiving. And Christmas. And March Break. And a big family gathering based around Carol's sixty-fifth birthday the following spring. And so on.

Derek, although he had rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders, had seemed pleased with the thought of going home and visiting. And she was pretty sure that flying across the country to spend the holidays, whatever holiday it was you were currently celebrating, including taking your girlfriend with you. So, whenever it was that he decided to concede to his mother's wishes and fly to New York, she was pretty sure she would end up accompanying him. And the thought made her...apprehensive. Dealing with Carol and Anna and Natalie was fine. In Seattle. She was on her own turf. She still had her job, and her friends, and her own space. And there were only three of them. In New York she would be isolated. The only outsider in a sea of Shepherds. And there would be a lot more. Twenty-three in the immediate family alone. And who knew how many aunts and uncles and cousins and second cousins and stuff he had. She wouldn't have anywhere to escape to. Which gave her every right to feel a little apprehensive at the thought.

Not that she wouldn't go. Of course she would go. The sight of Derek's cheerful face the previous day as he had watched her interact happily with his family had warmed her heart. Although their life had been amazing recently, the strained, unhappy events were only weeks old; still fresh in her mind. And if there was something she could do to keep that expression on his face...then she would do it. If she could make him happy, then she was doing something right in this relationship. And she was determined to do it right this time.

Meredith took a breath and returned the photo to its rightful spot above the dusty medical text on the shelf before her and made her way back to his desk. She had wasted enough time, and needed to get back to work soon. But it was nice to spend a few quiet moments alone in a place that was so him. She smiled to herself as she leaned over the desk and pulled a pen out of the old Knicks coffee mug being used as a pencil holder.

_Derek,_

_Hope your surgery goes well. Come find me when you__'__r__e__ done. Love you,_

_Mer._

She placed the short note on the center of his desk and stood, slowly making her way around the desk to the door. After one last glance around the room, Meredith pulled the door shut behind her and made her way down the hall to the elevators.

000

"So, any idea who it is?" Alex's voice cut through her concentration as she scribbled notes down on the chart in her hand. After Cristina had cornered her again in the pit, Meredith had opted to spend her morning in the clinic. The ratio of surgical to non-surgical cases was much lower, more often then not driving Cristina as far away as possible. And today that was a good thing. Meredith needed a safe haven.

"Hmm?" She asked, glancing up shortly before returning her eyes to the chart. She was determined to become the first doctor at Grace to have fully legible hand writing, and therefore needed to keep her eyes on the form.

"The lucky bastard who beat Yang."

Meredith's heart lurched as she realized exactly what Alex was talking about. She forced herself to act normal. Alex had this odd way of seeing through her much more often than she would have liked. And she wasn't so sure he would take it in his best interest to not tell Cristina if he so happened to discover her secret.

"Or maybe unlucky bastard is more like it," Alex continued. "Cause that poor guy is going to have to watch his back for the rest of his career." He laughed.

"What makes you so sure it was a guy?" Izzy asked, appearing beside Alex, a clipboard in hand. She had been quietly working alongside Meredith for about an hour.

Alex rolled his eyes. "Just going with the odds. More men. And Yang's already ruled out most of the women."

"Whatever," Izzy responded, obviously not accepting his explanation.

Alex narrowed his eyes. "What are you two both doing here? With the number of interns down here, you hardly need to be wasting two residents."

Meredith shrugged, glancing at Izzy. "My surgery got cancelled and I was here first."

Izzy scoffed. "It's my clinic."

"It's Bailey's clinic." Meredith countered.

The blond shrugged. "I paid for it. I get dibs."

Alex snorted.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Anyway," Alex stated, turning his attention back to Meredith, choosing not to respond to Izzy. "Back to my original question, the one that was so rudely interrupted." He glared at Izzy. "Who do you think it was?"

Meredith sighed inwardly, wishing she had found a better place to hide. It had never occurred to her she would be cornered by her other friends. Alex alone wouldn't be so bad, but Izzy loved her gossip. She hesitated, not sure of what to say. But she lucked out when Izzy butted in once again.

The blond laughed. "You know what's funny? Cristina thinks it was me. She keeps asking me, as if she's sure I'm lying. And she demanded I show her my letter as proof this morning, and doesn't believe me that I took it home. Like I would lie about that when we live in the same freaking house. I'm just glad I got that lock installed. Oh, and she's got some theory about Callie giving her fake study cards and George and I studying from the real ones. Seriously. Does she not realize how much work would go in to making fake, realistic, study cards? And why would someone do that anyway?"

"If she thinks you two had the good cards, what's her explanation for Bambi failing?" Alex asked.

Izzy paused, as if the question hadn't occurred to her before. "I'll have to ask her that next time she corners me. Seriously. Why would I lie? I'd be gloating if I beat her."

Alex narrowed his eyes. "How _did_ you do?"

Izzy hesitated, meeting Alex's eyes for several seconds as she debated answering him. Finally she sighed. "Fifth."

"Damn," Alex muttered. "I was Sixth."

Izzy smiled broadly. "Ha! I beat you."

"Shut up," he muttered, turning his attention to Meredith again. "Your turn, Grey. How'd you do?"

Meredith sucked in a breath, her mind reeling to come up with a suitable excuse. "Oh, well, I don't really want to...say..."

Alex smirked. "We totally beat her."

Izzy smiled. "Totally."

Alex made a big show of sighing. "That's something to put on the old resume; beating the daughter of Ellis Grey."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she debated allowing the assumption over her reluctance to vocalize her results go, or countering it. In the end she didn't have to make either decision.

"What are you fools doing?" Bailey's voice rang through the clinic, causing all three of her former interns to flinch. "_My_ clinic is not for socializing."

"Sorry, Dr. Bailey," Izzy responded quickly as they turned to face her. Alex and Meredith nodded their agreement. Meredith spotted Dr. Myers hovering behind the short resident, obviously uncomfortable with the situation.

"Fools," she muttered, striding forward, leaving Meredith's intern shuffling behind her. "What's more important to discuss than patient care in _my_ clinic?"

"Oh, well," Izzy said brightly. "We were wondering who, umpf." She cut off when Meredith elbowed her in the ribs. Izzy sometimes had trouble distinguishing rhetorical and non-rhetorical questions. And Bailey's was obviously supposed to be the former.

Bailey shook her head at Izzy before narrowing her eyes at the three of them. "Care to explain why there are three residents down here?"

Meredith glanced at her silent companions, both wide eyed at being caught. She stuttered. "I was here first," she mumbled, her mind unable to come up with a new excuse, so she went with her original one.

"That doesn't answer my question, Grey."

"We're sorry, Dr. Bailey," Izzy tried again. "But Meredith was right. She was here all morning. And then I came about an hour ago, and it was busy enough to warrant the two of us being here. Seriously. And we were doing really well until Alex came down here and distracted us."

Alex scoffed. "Seriously? You're going to blame this on me? Well, guess what? You can walk home tonight."

"You wouldn't dare..."

Bailey cleared her throat, causing Izzy and Alex to fall silent immediately. "You two are acting like children. Honestly." She glanced at Meredith. "You've been down here all morning?"

Meredith nodded. "Yes, my surgery got cancelled."

"And where are your interns?"

"Dr. O'Malley is in OR 3 with the Chief. Drs. Bradshaw and Howard are scrubbed in with Dr. Shepherd on an accident victim from the pit. And Dr. Myers is standing behind you."

"Right," Bailey said, her head pivoting to motion the young surgeon forward. "Dr. Myers did well in surgery this morning. You're doing a good job with them."

Meredith was taken aback. "Thank-you, Dr. Bailey."

Bailey nodded and her eyes flickered towards the other two. "Can either of you fools give me an accurate account of where your interns are right now?" She asked. "I didn't think so," she stated before they even had a chance to stutter a response. "Now, you two are going to spend the rest of your day down here with me, and work up every patient that comes through here with a smile on your face. And if I see either one of you so much as consider stepping out of line, you can spend the rest of your week here. Am I clear?"

Izzy and Alex nodded and quickly turned to grab new charts from the desk.

Bailey turned back to Meredith. "Grey, you've done enough for today. Go find yourself a surgery or something." She nodded, effectively dismissing her.

Meredith didn't hesitate to comply. She motioned for Myers to follow her and she hurried out of the clinic, not slowing her pace until she was out of sight.

Her intern fell into step beside her. "Sometimes that woman scares me," he admitted quietly, with a bemused smile.

Meredith laughed. "Me too. Just be glad you don't have her as your resident."

He laughed and shuddered, then paused as he met her eye. "Does that mean... Was she your resident?"

Meredith nodded. "Yup. And Dr. Stevens and Dr. Karev. And Dr. Yang." She wasn't sure why she kept George's name out of the list. She knew his secret was well out in the open now.

He whistled. "Wow. That must have been tough."

Meredith shrugged as they arrived at the elevators and she hit the button and began to wait. "Not as bad as you'd think, I guess. She made us work, but I guess she made us learn." Meredith shrugged, realizing she was socializing with her intern, but not caring too much for the time being. Dr. Myers didn't care who beat Cristina. And he wouldn't question her. "Her bark is much worse than her bite. I wouldn't have traded for another resident."

"Seriously?" He asked, causing Meredith to smile. The phrase was contagious. She wasn't sure if Izzy had infected the hospital, or had simply been the first of them to pick it up, but sure enough everyone who worked at Seattle Grace seemed to end up using the term seriously, at some time during their daily lives. Maybe they put something in the water.

She nodded. "Seriously."

He nodded, accepting her answer. And then hesitated.

"What?" She prompted.

He sighed and his cheeks reddened, but he met her eyes. "I'm just...surprised...that she was your resident and that you're so...well, less harsh. I mean Dr. Yang and Dr. Karev, I can see being her interns... And I guess I'm glad I got you as my resident. I wouldn't trade either."

Meredith couldn't help the smile that flittered across her lips. "Thank-you, Dr. Myers. I'm trying my best."

He nodded. "Not a problem. I mean, I'm...friends with Nicole Harold. She's one of Dr. Yang's interns. And she's terrified, like all the time."

Meredith narrowed her eyes at the reverent tone he had used to say the other interns name and she almost laughed, suddenly realizing there may be relationship drama between her and Cristina's interns. "I'm sure she is," she agreed lightly, as the elevator doors opened and they boarded quickly. It was crowded, so they remained silent while the elevator lifted them upwards and deposited them on the surgical floor.

"Meredith!" She flinched as she heard her name come out of her best friend's mouth as soon as she stepped foot on the floor. It felt like Cristina was stalking her today. Or had a Meredith-locator or something.

"Anyone to rule out yet?" Cristina asked after she hurried over. She glared at Dr. Myers, who averted his eyes and stepped back, distancing himself from the conversation, but remaining close to his resident until he was given new instructions.

Meredith hesitated. "Well, it's not Alex or Izzy."

Cristina blinked several times as she surveyed her. "Seriously? That's all you have to tell me? Meredith, I told you it wasn't Alex two days ago..."

"But you also said he wouldn't tell you his rank. I found out that he was sixth..."

"Sixth? Well, at least you're not completely useless," Cristina muttered as she pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket and scribbled something down.

"What are you doing?"

Cristina shrugged. "Keeping track. That way I can rule out who is left and catch people if they're lying. I really think it may be Izzy. Callie probably gave me the second rate cards and gave George the good ones. And if he and Izzy were all kissy faced back then, they would have studied together. It fits. She could have had access to the good cards. That's the only way she could have beat me."

Meredith hesitated, before choosing to let the comments go. For now. She didn't need Cristina questioning why she was so sure it wasn't Izzy. She needed some excuse to change the subject.

She spotted Mark over by the nurse's station, waiting for a chart, and made a beeline for him.

"Dr. Sloan," she greeted. "Are you operating on Mr. Connors?"

"Grey," he greeted and shook his head. "Nope. Still has a fever. And because there aren't any more exciting cases at the present time, I am currently on my way to remove a rather large mole from a woman's leg. Exciting, huh? Care to join me?"

Meredith laughed at his fake excitement. "No, but I have an intern who needs something to do."

Mark surveyed her before rolling his eyes and nodding. "Fine. I suppose a mole resection is safe enough to allow an intern to watch. It would be pretty hard to kill the patient."

Meredith rolled her eyes back at him and motioned her intern over. "Be nice," she hissed at Mark before turning her attention to Myers. "Dr. Myers, you'll be working with Dr. Sloan this afternoon."

He nodded. "Thanks, Dr. Grey."

Mark shoved the chart into his hands. "First rule, you carry the chart. I expect you to know every detail about the patient by the time we get to her room. Second rule. You follow me." And with that he nodded at Meredith and hurried off past the nurse's station and down the hall, Myers struggling to keep up and read the chart at the same time.

Meredith shook her head.

"Good job, you got rid of him," Cristina stated as she pulled Meredith away from the nurse's desk towards the nape of the hallway for some privacy. "Now, did Izzy mention a ranking at all? That way I can at least pencil her in and then confront her when someone else claims the same one."

Meredith sighed, seeing no way out of it. "Uh, she said she was fifth."

"Fifth, hmm," Cristina said as she pulled out her sheet once again and pencilled Izzy's name in. "Well, I don't have anyone else there yet. But I'll get her."

"Who are you going to get?" Derek's voice broke through the air behind Meredith. She turned to face him, her eyes wide as she realized just what could happen. He gave her a questioning look at her wide eyes, but leaned in to give her a quick kiss before turning an expectant look to Cristina.

"Oh, I'm going to catch Izzy in a lie."

"What kind of lie?" He asked. Meredith took a deep breath, forcing an outwardly calm expression as she reached over and took Derek's hand, trying to look casual. She squeezed, trying to signal him to stop asking questions. To her dismay he squeezed back gently and sent a happy smile her way. She sighed. They really needed to work on their undercover stealth communication stuff. Here she was trying her best to discreetly signal for him to stay off the topic because it could end horribly for her, and he was content, believing her to be doing the PDA holding hands in the hall thing. Seriously.

"I'm pretty sure she and O'Malley got the good cards from Callie, and left me high and dry with the second rate crap cards. And now she's lying about winning."

Derek blinked. Then blinked again as his mind obviously raced to make some sense of what his girlfriend's best friend was telling him. "Cards..." he muttered, as if that would prompt something. It didn't. He shook his head. "Sorry. Win what?"

Cristina scoffed. "Seriously. Like you don't know. What have I been talking about for three days?"

Derek shook his head. "Sorry. I've been kind of busy. I don't think I've even talked to you in three days."

She sighed. "The intern exam. Izzy won, and she's lying about it."

"How do you win an exam?"

Meredith stepped in. She squeezed his hand. "They released our rankings from the exam this week." She squeezed his hand again. "And Cristina came second, and is convinced it's Izzy who beat her." She squeezed his hand again. Hard.

"Oh, I'm with you now. Has it really been six weeks already? I forgot that was this week." He turned to Meredith, his eyes suddenly full of wonder. She met his eyes, hers pleading for him to not ask the question she knew was on the tip of his tongue. It only took one innocent question about her rank for Cristina to remember Meredith hadn't actually given her a ranking to go on. She used whatever ability she had at communicating through looks to beg him not to ask. And if that wasn't going to work, she widened her eyes and squeezed his hand again, even going so far as to dig her nails in to the soft flesh of his palm. Just a bit.

He stared back, his eyes narrowing just so at her odd behaviour. He opened his mouth. Meredith held her breath.

"Well, good for Izzy, then," he stated, returning his attention back to Cristina, acting nonchalant. He smiled and squeezed Meredith's hand; his way of telling her he had no idea what was going on, but he would do whatever he could to help her out. She sighed in relief.

Cristina narrowed her eyes at him briefly. "You don't happen to get access to that kind of information, do you?"

"What?"

"Well, you're an attending _and_ a department head. So, you probably get access to the list of ranks..."

Derek smirked and shook his head. "Sorry, Yang. Only the Chief knows for now. And even if I did, it wouldn't be ethical for me to tell you."

"Whatever," Cristina scoffed. She glanced at her watch, as if suddenly bored. "Well, I should be going." She glanced at Meredith. "Keep asking around," she commanded and turned to head down the hallway.

Meredith breathed a sigh of relief.

Derek dropped her hand to wrap his arm loosely around her waist. "Care to explain that to me?"

She laughed at his confused expression and nodded. "Yeah, just not here. Maybe we could go to your office..."

He smirked. "We can _always_ go to my office..."

She rolled her eyes and playfully pushed him away. "Seriously," she muttered, but Derek turned it on her.

"Seriously." He nodded, his eyebrows flashing up and down suggestively.

She laughed. "Do you think about anything else?"

He paused and pretended to think, and then he laughed and shook his head. "When you're around? Not really."

She shook her head as he released his grip and began to lead her towards the elevators. "What did you do with my interns?" She questioned as they boarded the first car.

"Post op. Two hours, at least. That gives us plenty of time."

She laughed, glad the car was empty besides them. It gave her a reason to not have to kill him.

Once they reached the floor, Derek followed her to his office, motioning for her to enter first, and then shut the door behind them, just like Meredith had that morning. The only difference, however, was he made a big, joking show of turning the lock.

She laughed and rolled her eyes, but allowed him to step forward and wrap his arms around her in a gentle hug.

"So," he started when he pulled away. "I assume whatever is going on between you and Cristina is what you came to talk about this morning?"

Meredith nodded, smiling up at him.

He narrowed his eyes. "Do I need to be sitting down for this?"

She laughed and shook her head. "No. It's not a bad thing."

He raised an eyebrow. "Not a bad thing? Then why did my poor palm have to suffer. I can still see the indents of the razors you call fingernails..." He pulled his hand away from her, jokingly shoving his palm in her face.

She laughed and pushed at his hand. "Derek," she chastised. "There's no mark." And there really wasn't. She barely had finger nails to begin with. As a surgeon, they had to be kept short at all times.

"Well, I can still feel it." He whined, a sparkle in his eye.

She rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand, pulling it closer to place a quick kiss on his palm, then laced her fingers through his and pulled their combined hands down to their sides.

"That's a little better," Derek muttered, though his eyes were now dancing with light and amusement.

She shook her head.

"So," he prompted.

"Yeah," she responded, knowing she had to say something, but had no idea where to start. It was like she was suddenly embarrassed or something. "Well, I, uh..." she trailed off and stuffed her free hand into her pocket to pull out the rumpled, folded envelope she had been carrying around all day. She stuffed it into his free hand. "Here."

He narrowed his eyes at her, clearly unsure, but dropped her hand to be able to unfold the envelope. He pulled it straight between his hands and stared at the letterhead. "What's this?"

"My results."

"Okay," he glanced at her. "Can I...?" he motioned towards the letter.

She nodded, giving him permission to read it.

He sighed and made a big production of pulling the single sheet of paper out of the envelope and slowly unfolding it. She waited silently watching his eyes flitter side to side as he scanned down the paragraphs of text. "Hey, we got third, that's good," he muttered as he read through Seattle Grace's results. His eyes continued to scan back and forth before they stopped suddenly. A smile slowly started to develop as he looked up at her. "Mer..." He trailed off as his McDreamy smile became full fledged. He dropped the letter onto his desk without taking his eyes away from hers. "You... I'm so proud of you."

She smiled back at him, her eyes filling with tears. She just couldn't help it when he was looking at her like that. She blinked furiously, suddenly unable to meet his powerful gaze. "I...uh..." She tried, but found she just couldn't speak.

He slipped his arms under hers, pushing them upwards as he pulled her in tight. She wrapped her arms around his neck in response as he held her. She buried her head in his shoulder. His face was resting in the crook of her neck and she could feel his breathing rustling her hair. He kissed the nape of her neck and pulled back just far enough to meet her eyes. His were bright. Bright and shiny and happy and dancing with light. His smile looked like it was going to burst off his face.

"Congratulations," he shook them slightly back and forth with every syllable of the word.

Meredith laughed as they swayed.

Then his smile turned into a smirk. "I told you."

She rolled her eyes good naturedly. "I know."

"I told you that you were amazing. And smart. And talented." He kissed her. "You should listen to me."

She laughed. "I did listen to you. But, seriously, Derek. Thank-you. You're the only reason I got through that day. I owe this to you."

He smiled and she could swear she saw his eyes well. "Meredith..." he spoke her name low and throaty. "I...you got yourself there. All I did was give you that final push. You really are amazing."

She averted her eyes, unable to accept his praise, but found her chin being gently forced back up to meet his eyes again. She couldn't take the intensity and her watery eyes overflowed.

"Oh, Mer," he rubbed his thumb under her eyes to remove the extra moisture. "I'm so happy for you. You deserve this. Hell, after the year you had, you _earned_this, more than anyone else."

She laughed, closing her arms around his neck to pull their faces closer. She leaned her forehead up against his, laughing as the tears continued to weave slowly down her cheeks. For the first time she could remember, she cried, and not out of sadness or hopelessness or a broken heart, but out of happiness, love, and hope for the future. Their future.

He laughed as well, his hands drifting lower to lift her up and he spun them around. Once. Twice. Three times. When he allowed her to rest her feet on the ground once again, he stumbled backwards, pulling them both down on the couch near the back of his office.

"Okay," he admitted as he pulled her in close from their position on the couch. "That wasn't my best idea," he said, clearly a little dizzy.

She laughed and pressed her lips up against his. It only took him a moment to respond. And two moments to deepen it. Meredith groaned as she felt his strong hands leave their supportive place on her back to work under the hem of her scrub top. She allowed him to lower her down onto the couch, and pulled his shirt over his head as he leaned in over top of her, forcing their lips apart as her lithe fingers worked the unwanted garment out of the way. He smiled down at her, his hand slipping under her back to raise her enough to follow suit in removing her top.

"That's better," he grumbled as he hovered lower over her, their bare skin meeting in an explosion of electricity.

"Mmm," she agreed as his lips found hers once again.

It wasn't until his fingers began to work methodically at the tie on her scrub pants that she realized what they were doing.

"Derek," she muttered into his mouth. He deepened the kiss, causing her to giggle. She pulled her hand out of his hair and gently pushed up against his chest. As much as he was into this, Derek was nothing if he wasn't a gentleman. And he would always stop if she asked him to.

He pulled his hands away from her pants to support himself and pushed away several inches, panting, his deep blue eyes staring quizzically down at her.

She smiled, removing her hand from his chest to return to his hair, where she wrapped his curly locks around her fingers. "Derek," she breathed. "We can't...do this here."

He smirked, his lips meeting hers for several seconds. "Sure we can."

She laughed. "We cannot have sex in your office."

"Why not?" The fingers of his left hand brushed up her neck and across her clavicle, running along the path of the thin chain still resting around her neck.

She paused, suddenly realizing she couldn't come up with anything resembling a good reason. "Because," she stuttered. "It's your office..."

"Yes. It is. And I give us permission. We need to celebrate."

She rolled her eyes. "Can't you wait until tonight?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Can you?" He shifted his leg, which was resting between hers, upwards, just slightly. She had to fight to keep her eyes from crossing. He smirked. "Exactly."

"Derek..."

He flexed his strong arms, leaning his body in closer, his lips only millimetres from hers. "Come on, Mer. I told you that you need to listen to me more..."

She laughed slightly, knowing there was no way she could say no at this rate, but right now, with his strong body covering hers, and his loving gaze focussed squarely on her, there was no where else she would rather be. "I love you, Derek," she breathed.

His lips fell onto hers in a feather light kiss. "I love you so much," he whispered.

Meredith smiled, and tightened her grip on his hair. He breathed, waiting for her to make the first move, his beautiful eyes blinked as he gazed down at her, never revealing anything but love and happiness. A year ago she would never have guessed she'd end up where she was now. In her entire lifetime of loneliness and unhappiness, she had never dared dream of what she had now. She had him. And they had plans. And the surprise visit by his family promised her a place in their future. And she was starting to create her own reputation at work, independent of her mother's status. And she, Meredith Grey, was happy. For the first time in her life, she was completely, one hundred percent. Happy.

She breathed, suddenly wanting to savour the moment. Then she arched her back and pressed her lips upwards against his. It was all the invitation he needed as he lowered himself back down, leaving his hand free to dance with the drawstring of her scrub pants once again.


	34. As the Walls Come Down

Derek sighed happily and pressed his lips against the back of Meredith's neck, right above the center point of her shoulder blades, for the umpteenth time in the past half hour or so they had spent snuggled together on his couch, only the thin blanket that usually rested over the back of the couch and each other to keep them warm. He smiled as the edge of his lips brushed against the cool, thin chain hanging gently around her neck. She never took the necklace off. Meredith responded by tilting her head towards him, her neck craning as far as it could. He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I love you so much," he whispered as she returned her head to face forward, and he laid his momentarily overtop.

"Mmm," she mumbled in response, pressing her check upwards against his. "I love you, too." She squeezed his hands evenly with each word.

He smiled, but his contentment with the situation faded as he felt her shiver in his arms. "You cold?" He questioned as he tightened his hold around her naked body, his limbs reaching out to wrap further around her, as if he could touch every square inch of skin at once if he tried.

"Getting there," she responded, but made no move to leave the comfortable confines of his arms. For the moment at least, the comfort of lying with him was outweighing the oncoming cold.

He smiled and pushed his face into the back of her head, breathing in the lavender scent he loved wafting from her hair. And for several more minutes he held her close, her gentle breathing matching his. Then she shivered again. He sighed and kissed the back of her head one more time before slowly disentangling his limbs from hers.

He sat up, bringing her with him and did his best to keep her covered in the small, thin blanket.

"I guess I'll need to invest in a warmer blanket for my office," he said, as he reached for his boxers and scrub pants. "And maybe some pillows."

She rolled her eyes. "What makes you think this is going to happen again?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Cause I know you can't resist me." He smirked as he expertly tied the draw string of his bottoms.

Meredith laughed, her eyes dancing as she shook her head at his antics, causing him to smile. After the many mini dramas that kept playing through their relationship, it was comforting that they could always fall back into the easy process of gentle banter. He tossed her the light blue scrubs that were strewn haphazardly across his floor, and then set to work pulling his top back on and adjusting the electronic communication equipment that sat along his waist; phone, beeper and sidekick needed to be on and aligned. Meredith dressed quickly, and smiled up at him as he turned to her and reached to even out the collar of her lab coat, and then made to smooth down her messy hair. Her fingers joined his and she sighed.

She turned a joking glare towards him. "Look what you did, Derek. Now everyone's going to know." Her fingers furiously dragged down the length of her dirty blonde strands as she struggled to untangle them.

Derek smirked, dropping his fingers to her waist. "I don't seem to remember you complaining at the time..."

She rolled her eyes and glared at him again, but she couldn't contain the smile pushing through her lips. "Whatever," she muttered, unable to come up with anything else to retort.

He leaned in and kissed her, smiling as her hands floated away from her hair and landed in his. "So," he stated when he pulled away and her hands drifted down from his hair to rest gently on his shoulders. "What are you up to this afternoon?"

"I'm scrubbing in with Dr. Hahn on a valve replacement."

He nodded. "Cardio, hmm? Not nearly as exciting as neuro, but I guess it'll have to do."

Meredith laughed. "Well, I have to take what I can get. I haven't been offered anything in neuro recently..."

Derek narrowed his eyes as he realized how long it had been since they had scrubbed in together. He made a mental note to request the services of his favourite resident on his next case. She had always demanded he treat her as if she was any other doctor, something that had only intensified since she had become a resident, and he wondered if, in his attempt to follow her appeals, he may be inadvertently keeping her out of his OR.

"Plus, Hahn kind of demanded I take this case. I think she's still doing whatever she can to keep Cristina out of cardio, even though Cristina's got Bailey on her side now." Meredith shrugged.

"What time do you need to leave?"

She glanced at her watch and sighed. "Soon. George was going to start prepping when he was done with the Chief. We're scheduled to begin in less than an hour. I should really go make sure everything is going well."

He nodded and leaned in for a quick kiss. "I'll miss you."

"Well, I still can't leave until I fix my hair." She mock glared at him.

He laughed. "You look beautiful."

She rolled her eyes. "I look like I have sex hair."

He smirked. "You do have sex hair. It's a good look for you. I think we should make it happen more often, or even make in a permanent thing..."

She snorted. "I'm sure you do." She dug her hand into her pocket, and with a triumphant, "aha," she pulled a hair tie out and set to work pulling her hair back into a low ponytail.

"You come prepared," he commented, his fingers brushing the wisps of her bangs that refused to be held back by the hair tie.

She smiled. "I do. I kind of have to with you around."

He snorted, but refrained from commenting. "What time do you think you'll be done this afternoon?"

She shrugged. "I hope by five. If I'm late, just go, and I'll meet you at the restaurant."

But he shook his head, his hands finding hers now that they were no longer occupied with her hair. "No, I'll wait for you."

"It's your last night with your family, Derek."

He narrowed his eyes and met her defiant ones. "Fine," he conceded. "But only if you're going to be really late. If it's just an hour or so, I'll wait."

"Fine," she relented, causing him to smile. Then she sighed. "Derek, I was...well...I thought that maybe..." She trailed off.

"What is it?" He questioned, ducking his head to meet her suddenly lowered eyes.

She sighed and allowed him to force eye contact again. "Look, I really don't want to ask you to do something you're not comfortable with, but earlier today I...and I just thought...I know things have been better, so maybe..." She scrunched up her face and he laughed.

"Meredith, I love you. And I'm normally pretty good at translating when you ramble, but I need a little more to go on here."

She met his eye and took a breath. "I'm going to ask you to do something. And if you don't want to, then that's fine. All I'm asking is for you to consider it."

He narrowed his eyes, suddenly anxious about her request.

000

Derek stepped out of the passenger seat of the luxury car, glancing at his watch as he did so. It was only a few minutes after seven, so they weren't that late. His family was almost certainly already inside, waiting. The Shepherd women had an annoyingly regular habit of being on time. And for some reason, he was nervous. Meredith's surgery had run into complications, and she was still scrubbed in at her scheduled leaving time of five. Derek had left the hospital and driven home to have a shower and get changed. They were going to a much nicer restaurant tonight, and needed to be a step or two above casual. He had dressed in dark grey slacks and a white button down, with a thin black sweater pulled over top. A quick glance at his watch confirmed there was no way Meredith would have time to get home to change and still show up at the restaurant at a decent time. So, after a few moments of indecision, he picked out what he hoped was an appropriate outfit for her.

Once he arrived back at the hospital, however, it was well after six, and she was still in surgery. He had left the change of clothes, his car keys and a short note in her cubby, hoping she would be off in time to meet them later. Then he had reluctantly called for a ride. It had taken Derek an hour or so of deliberation before he had realized the merit of Meredith's request and had decided to honour it. He just hadn't expected to have to deal with his 'favour' alone. He was apprehensive for some reason. But he was glad he had done it. And the restaurant hadn't had any problem changing the reservation from five to six.

"You sure you're okay with this, man?" Mark's voice called as they headed for the entrance of the restaurant.

Derek eyed his former best friend and current...something. "Yeah. I'm okay. Thanks again for swinging by the hospital."

"Not a problem," Mark responded, his voice oddly quiet as his fingers anxiously traced the buttons on his fall jacket. Apparently Derek wasn't the only one with reservations about that evening. In deciding to stop ignoring his feelings for his best friend's wife, Mark had effectively isolated himself from the family that had basically raised him. This would be his first meeting with them for some time. He had appeared shocked when Derek had asked him.

_Derek hesitated several times before he finally approached the __cafeteria __table where Mark was sitting alone, a chart sprawled out in front of him as he scribbled down notes with one hand, and shovelled forkfuls of salad into his mouth with the other. He and Derek had been roommates for several years during college. They had developed the same __healthy __eating habits._

_The cafeteria was quiet this time of day, and Derek had been unsurprised to find Mark here. He often spotted the plastic surgeon holed up at the table, his charts strewn across the top, while making afternoon coffee runs when he was either too busy or too lazy to go all the way down to the coffee cart in the main lobby._

_"Hey," Derek greeted as he set his coffee down on the table and settled into the chair. _

_"Hey, man," Mark nodded,__ quickly masking the surprised expression on his face. He even went so far as to drop his pen down on the table, giving Derek his full attention.__ The two had been moving forward with the whole being best friend's__ again__ thing, but it was no secret to either that any progress was made on Derek's terms. __And so far, almost all interaction between the two of them had occurred spontaneously during run-ins in the hall and such. De__rek__ never approached him. So,__ if Derek wanted to talk, about anything, then Mark was there to listen. __"How's your day going?"_

_Derek shrugged. "Good. __You?"__ His question could wait a few moments as he tried to find a way to fall back into the comfortable __conversation he and Mark had once been so good at._

_Mark shrugged his broad shoulders. __"Nothing exciting.__ My third facial construction of the week got cancelled. And then I spent two hours teaching an inter__n how to remove__ a mole."_

_Derek smirked. "Exciting," he commented, dryly._

_Marked sighed.__"Comes with the territory.__ Plastics __isn't__ all fun and games, you know."_

_"How late are you on?" Derek questioned, trying to keep his tone light, as if he didn't really care that much.__ The transition from the previous subject hadn't been quite as smooth as he had hoped, but it would have to do.__ This had once been so much easier. _You free tonight? Wanna grab some drinks? What are your plans this weekend, I've got tickets... _So much __easier.__ Why was it so hard now?_

_Mark shook his head. "I don't really have much more to do here. Just have to finish my notes," he nodded down at the chart on the table. _Why?_ He didn't__ ask it out loud, but Derek knew he was thinking it._

_"Well, if you're free tonight," he began as nonchalant as possible. For some reason the question seemed easier if he pretended he didn't care. __"As I'm sure you've heard, mom's in town.__And Anna and Nat.__ We're having dinner at that new restaurant on the water." He paused__, giving himself a last split second to back out if he needed it__. "And you're invited if you want to come."__ His tone was a little strained, but the words came out easier than he had expected._

_Mark's usually expressionless face had tightened. And he had nodded. "What time?" He had __asked,__ his voice very quiet, with a hint of wavering. _

_"Seven."_

_"I'll be there."_

_Then there was an infinitely long period of silence between them that, in actually fact, likely only lasted a few short seconds. "Good." Derek nodded__, and stood to leave. _

_"Derek," Mark called as he began to step away. Derek stopped and turned back. __"Thank-you."_

_Derek had stared for several seconds before nodding, unable to respond out loud. Then he had nodded once again, after a moment of hesitation and turned to walk way. _

They stepped out of the cool, autumn weather and into the upscale restaurant. The low lights and gentle music immediately gave away the ambience to be expected for the evening. The front lobby was highly decorated, from the intricately tiled floors and stitched throw rug to the highly set stuccoed ceiling. Derek glanced approvingly at quite a few breathtaking, framed paintings of the coastline. But, as he made his way closer to the desk, he caught sight of a very colourful painting. It contained what looked to be distorted stick figures, but may actually just be crossed brush strokes. Fluorescent colors raced across the canvas and back at all angles. Derek quirked an eyebrow at the artist's prominent signature on the bottom right corner. He didn't recognize the name, but expected the restaurant had paid a small fortune for it to display it so prominently in the front lobby. With one last shake of his head, Derek met Mark's eye. Mark gave him a look that said he thought even less of the 'piece of art' than Derek. It made Derek smile.

"We have a reservation under Shepherd," he told the waiter at the front desk.

"Absolutely, sir," the smartly dressed man in the tux responded, glancing down onto his leather bound reservation-seating book. "Half of your party have already been seated."

Derek nodded. "We have one more on her way," he added. "She'll hopefully be here within the hour."

"Not a problem, sir. We'll seat her when she arrives." The Maitre d' nodded curtly as he signalled for a waiter to lead them to their table.

"Thank-you," Derek responded as they were escorted through the main dinning hall and into the side room that overlooked the water. He held his breath as he spotted his family across the room, right by the window. He hadn't given them a heads up, and suddenly wondered what their reaction would be.

His mother looked up first, her gentle smile turning into something wider when she recognized the figure trailing behind him. Her eyes flicked back and forth from Derek to Mark and then back again. And he suddenly realized that she looked...proud. And she quickly stood to greet them.

"Derek," she whispered as she pulled her son in for a tight hug. "You brought Mark."

"Yeah," Derek responded, ignoring his sisters' reactions to Mark, as they stood to greet him, their voices high and surprised as they hugged the man who had once been a brother to them. The man they hadn't seen in over a year.

Instead of pulling away, or even speaking, Carol simply stared at him, her eyes piercing his until he just couldn't handle the intense, knowing gaze. He knew exactly what she was doing; what she wanted to hear. Derek glanced away for several seconds and shrugged. "It was time," he offered as his only explanation.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispered, her fingers running along the collar of his shirt as she pulled away from the embrace. And after one last, proud, smile at her son, Carol turned away to greet the man whom she had practically raised. The man who was practically a son to her.

"Mark, it's nice to see you," she greeted warmly as she opened her arms.

"You too, Carol," he responded, welcoming her hug as he wrapped his arms around his surrogate mother and hugged her tight, holding on for a moment or two longer than necessary.

"Where's Meredith?" Anna questioned, after she had greeted Mark.

"She was still in surgery when I left. Valve replacement. They ran into some problems."

She nodded to accept his answer. She was a surgeon too. She understood.

"So," Carol started as she released Mark and returned to her seat at the small rectangular table. She sat in the middle of the side facing the window, Mark to her left and Anna to her right. Derek sat across from her with Natalie to his left. "This seems like a very nice restaurant. Have you been here often?"

Derek shook his head. "Never, actually. It only opened about a month ago."

"A month? That should have been plenty of time." In New York, it had been expected that he had been to most new restaurants within the first few weeks of business. It had been almost a hobby for Addison to keep up with the new places to eat. And she had been very good at getting reservations.

He shrugged. "The hospital keeps us pretty busy." It had never even occurred to him to eat here before. Any time that he and Meredith had an evening off together to go out, they usually chose some place much more casual.

Carol nodded, and then turned to Mark. "And how are _you _liking Seattle?"

"Well, it's definitely much different from New York." Mark responded easily. "The city is much smaller, and traffic is nonexistent in comparison. And I'm sure the air is cleaner." He shrugged.

"How is it working for a hospital?" Anna asked. Mark had gone straight from his residency into a junior position in a private plastic surgery practice. And it hadn't taken the talented young surgeon long to step out on his own.

Mark sighed. "I'm still getting used to it. Apparently I'm not so good at the teaching thing," he glanced at Derek with a wry smile. "But overall, I think I will like it better than my practice. The patients are less stuck up and more interesting. And the staff is pretty good..."

Derek smirked. "The nurse's have formed a club against him."

Anna laughed. "Already?"

Mark glared at her.

"Yeah," Natalie added. "You've only been here, what, six months? It took at least a year during your residency."

Mark glared at her. "Yeah, well, I've obviously improved my tactics since then."

Derek laughed, glad the spotlight was off him for a change; and as he happily took part in the conversation happening around him, he realized how much he had missed the interaction. He missed talking with his family. And he missed his best friend; more than he had thought he had.

He still had a ways to go before letting Mark back into his life in a role he had held before, but he knew he was well on his way to forgiving him. Just like his family was well on their way to forgiving Derek for a year of almost no contact. _Because that's what family does_ Derek sighed as he realized the true merit of his mother's words. Mark was family. No matter how much Derek had hated him. No matter how much Derek's stomach had twisted and his heart had tightened at the mere thought of Mark for the first months after he had moved to Seattle. No matter how much Mark had screwed up, he was family. And just like that, Derek realized just how lucky he was to have a family like he did. No matter how badly he had treated them, they would always be there for him. Practically disappearing for a year would be an insignificant memory for them in a short time. Derek smiled as he surveyed his family as they laughed together. He was definitely getting his life back on track.

000

It was closing in on nine when Meredith finally made her appearance. He looked up from the ends of his entree to spot her being led towards their table by a slightly disgruntled waiter. Apparently the restaurant wasn't as 'fine' with one member of the party showing up late as they had represented themselves. He smiled warmly at her, his eyes glancing down her body as he prided himself on his outfit choice; she looked good in her simple top, light jacket, medium skirt and...sneakers. _Damn. _He knew he had forgotten something.

"Here's your party, ma'am," the waiter spoke, his voice solidly cold and professional. "I'm afraid it's too late for ordering from the dinner menu."

"Oh, that's fine," Meredith spoke quickly. "I know I'm really late. I'm sorry..."

Derek rolled his eyes as his girlfriend tried to make up for the fact that she was causing any rift in the restaurant's schedule. Regardless of the situation, she always tried to smooth over any tension, and never seemed to feel she should be treated any differently. He wanted to retort, but his sister beat him to it.

"Yeah, Meredith," Anna spoke sarcastically, her eyes on the waiter. "Shame on you for spending your evening in surgery, saving a life."

The over dressed waiter at least had the decency to look sorry before he nodded to his guests and turned to walk away. Anna snorted.

"Nicely done, sweetie," Carol told her daughter as Derek stood to greet his girlfriend.

"Hey," he spoke quietly, leaning in to place a quick kiss on her cheek before pulling back her chair. "How's your patient?"

Meredith said a quick hello to the members of the table as she sat and smiled as he plopped himself down beside her. "It was touch and go for a while, but he was in recovery and stable when I left," she said, as a response to Derek's question, but loud enough to include the entire table.

"Good."

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Did you want to order something?" He asked. "Cause I'm sure we can convince them..."

She shook her head. "No, that's fine. You guys are all done. I'm not that hungry." She smiled around the table, her eyes pleading for him not to argue when they met his.

He sighed, knowing she must be starving. They had enjoyed a quick breakfast together early that morning, but he knew she hadn't gotten anything to eat for lunch, as they had spent her spare time 'celebrating' in his office. But he knew that as much as she was getting along well with his family, she was still anxious about making a positive impression. She would hate forcing everyone to wait for just her. And she would hate making a scene in front of his family. So, he decided to let it go. "Not that hungry, huh?" He asked lightly. "Well, I hope you have room for dessert, at least. We were just about to order." He smiled warmly at her and passed her the stand up dessert menu from the center of the table.

"Dessert, huh? I guess I can't say no to that." She smiled at him. _Thank-you._

He reached over and squeezed her hand. _No problem. I'll always have your back. _

"How was dinner?" Meredith asked to the table as her eyes scanned the dessert menu with rapt interest. "Did I miss out?"

"The food was pretty good," Natalie offered.

"But the staff has no personality." Anna shrugged.

"Yeah, it's one we can safely scratch off the list," Derek said.

"Maybe not for Mark, though," Natalie cut in. "The waitress went all goo goo eyes for him."

Mark smirked and raised an eyebrow. "I gave her the patented McSteamy look."

Carol almost choked on her wine. "I'm sorry, what is a 'McSteamy' look?"

Mark shrugged. "You'll have to ask Grey, here," he jutted out his jaw in her direction. "She named it."

Across from him, Meredith sucked in a breath as she obviously tried not to laugh. "Thanks for that," she muttered. She glanced quickly and noncommittally at the three Shepherd women. "We have this thing...at the hospital, I mean. This thing, where we give people...and things...nicknames that start with Mc. I really don't know why. And I definitely didn't start it. It just...it was one of those first few weeks of internship, completely exhausted...things...that seemed funny at the time...and is now sort of a habit. A stupid, immature habit and...I didn't start it," she ended weakly. "And Mark was dubbed McSteamy."

Natalie laughed. "McNicknames? I like it. Does my brother have one?"

Derek shook his head. If there was one thing he didn't need his sister to know about, it was-

"Of course he does." Mark smirked. "And if I heard correctly, it actually started with him."

"What is it?" Anna asked, leaning forward. In fact, both of his sisters and even his mother looked aptly attentive.

"Don't do it, man." He pleaded.

Mark smirked, a gleam in his eye that Derek recognized all too well. "McDreamy."

Natalie snorted. "Oh, that's awesome."

"I can't wait to tell Nancy and Kath," Anna said, laughing.

"And the boys," Natalie stated. _The __boys _was the Shepherd women's term for referring to the combined four sons in law. "Oh, Derek, they'll never let you live it down"

Derek glared at Mark. "Thanks for _that."_

Mark shrugged. "Sorry, man. You gotta do what you gotta do."

Derek rolled his eyes, but let it go. The evening had quickly begun to feel like old times. With one very important new addition, of course, he thought as he smiled over at his girlfriend. She was smiling comfortably as she watched, and even sometimes took place in, the conversation as it left McNicknames and moved on to whatever they felt like talking about. As the discussion took on a more heated note, with Mark and Natalie arguing about the exact happenings of a particular Thanksgiving incident many years before, Derek discreetly passed his uneaten bun over to his famished girlfriend.

She looked as if she may reject his offer, but instead took it with a small smile. "Thanks," she whispered as her lithe fingers began to tear small, bite size pieces that she swallowed quickly, all the while trying to convince the rest of the table she wasn't starving.

He smiled back at her kissed the side of her head before returning to the conversation at hand.

"I did not swap the cranberry sauce for strawberry jam." Natalie argued adamantly.

Derek smirked. Surprising to most, Mark was quite competent in the kitchen, and often took to the position of head chef during family holidays that required large spreads. His sudden neuroticism and attention to detail was a trait that left him wide open to sarcastic comments, jokes and small pranks. The kids, and even the adults, had taken to sneaking into the kitchen and hiding his utensils, or moving ingredients from counter to counter. Mark would laugh and roll his eyes and take it all in stride. However, one year, the Shepherd family had banded together in a full scale, no holds barred, practical joke. The swapping of the cranberry sauce had only been the tip of the ice burg. And even though it had been a decade, Mark still had yet to suspect Derek's involvement.

"Oh, please," Mark retorted. "The cranberry sauce...the napkins...the wine..."

Derek squeezed Meredith's hand and smiled as a warm feeling came over him. The two halves of his life were coming together nicely. They fit better then Derek had dared to dream. A quick glance at his girlfriend confirmed she was content and relaxed with his family. And his mother and sisters seemed to really like her. They had been concerned when she had not shown up in time to order dinner, and had asked him about ordering something for her, but knowing she may never get out of surgery that evening Derek had declined. Anna seemed ecstatic to find another surgery buff, after losing Derek, Mark and Addison in one blow, she was happy to find someone new to talk slicing and stitching with. And every time the conversation turned to medicine, Anna was directing questions and stories towards Meredith.

Natalie was definitely warming up to her. Being older, but still so close in age made her and Derek very close growing up, while still retaining a sense of protectiveness. She seemed a little cautious of Meredith's presence, but not against it. Natalie had been quite close to Addison before their separation, as she was closest in age. But after his wife had jumped in to bed with his best friend, his older sister had shut down all communication with the red head. Every time Derek had talked to Natalie in the past year, she had practically cursed Addison's name. He was pretty sure it would simply take time for Natalie to trust Meredith and her relationship with her brother.

And then there was his mother. Derek was sure Carol liked Meredith and was accepting their relationship. He had expected some quiet comments referring to their age and career level differences, but they had never come. Since their first, awkward dinner, Carol had been nothing but positive comments and questions, and smiles to his girlfriend. And every time she looked at Derek, she looked happy, but there was something behind her eyes that he just couldn't read. It definitely wasn't a bad thing, but it was something he had never experienced being focussed on him before. And only time would tell what it was.

000

"Well, this is the place," Derek announced as he turned his key and swung open the door to his and Meredith's apartment, almost two hours after dinner. They had spent as long as they could on dessert and coffee, ignoring the glaring looks from their waiter. When they finally decided to pay their bill and bid an eternal farewell to the overly uptight restaurant, it had been decided that Derek and Meredith lead everyone back to their new apartment for the family's inspection. Even Mark had tagged along to see their new digs.

"It's a little... how should I put this?" Natalie spoke as she filed past her brother. "Empty."

Derek snorted. "Yeah, well, we've only been here for a week. Really haven't had a lot of time to shop. We've got the essential covered; bed, couch, food. We were going to get a TV this week, but didn't get around to it." They had decided to do their shopping trips on small scales. This week it had been planned to buy a television and stand. Next week they were supposed to look for dining room and kitchen tables and chairs. It was hard to eat when the only place in your home to sit down was two isolated couches. But a few late nights at the hospital coupled with the arrival of Derek's family meant they had not made it out that week. Their buying schedule would be forced back a week.

"You didn't have anything to bring with you?" Anna questioned as she wandered by the couches to gaze out through the window at the dark night.

"It looks like a beautiful view in the daylight," Carol spoke as she joined her daughter by the window.

Derek nodded to his mother and then turned to his sister and rolled his eyes. "Do you want to go back to the whole, Derek lived in a trailer, thing? Not a lot of space equals not a lot of stuff."

"That's right," she said and turned a questioning look towards Meredith.

"Oh, well, I left everything at my house," Meredith said. "It was mostly my mother's stuff. I didn't want the constant reminder, and my old roommate's are making use, so it's win-win." She shrugged.

"A reminder of what?" Natalie asked cautiously. She knew some things with her brother's girlfriend were off the table to discuss, but she wasn't driving, and a few extra drinks and having spent so much time with the woman over the past few days had opened her up.

"Nat," Derek spoke softly, about to warn her away from the topic, but Meredith surprised him.

"My mother and I...well, we didn't have a great relationship. I was kind of a..." she sighed. "I was like a constant disappointment to her."

"Oh, sweetie," Carol spoke gently, her voice full of nothing but compassion. "I'm sure that's not true."

Meredith offered her a sad smile, but shook her head. "No, it is true. And it took a lot for me to realize her opinion shouldn't mean that much..." She trailed off and met Derek's eyes briefly, and he was overcome with just how much he loved the brave woman in front of him. Saying it took _a lot_ to get over her mothers comments was putting it lightly. _A __lot _ had very nearly killed her. And him. He hated the hold Ellis Grey had over her daughter. And he hated himself for not immediately recognizing it for what it was. "Anyway, it's hard sometimes to not think of things the way she would have."

Derek felt his heart swell as she openly communicated with his family. A few months ago she barely communicated that much with him. It gave him a concrete sense of hope for the future. Not only was she okay with being around his family, but she was becoming comfortable interacting with them beyond a superficial level.

"How could any mother think their child was a disappointment when they have a medical degree?" Anna joked.

Meredith smiled wryly. "You'd have no idea," she said lightly.

Carol shook her head. "No, we wouldn't, Meredith," she responded. "And, as a mother, I can honestly tell you from the time spent getting to know you this week, there's no reason I can see that could possibly make you a disappointment."

Derek stood back, slightly in awe of the situation he suddenly found himself in as he watched Meredith visibly react to his mother's words. "Thank-you," she spoke softly, her voice uncharacteristically quiet and wobbly. It was all Derek could do to keep himself from striding forward and wrapping her into his arms. Anna stepped forward, and appeared to be on the verge of adding something to the reassuring conversation when the front door swung open behind Derek; hard. The door bounced off the stopper on the back wall and reverberated as it swung part way back.

Derek jumped and spun to spot his girlfriend's best friend. His girlfriend's very angry best friend, standing beside the still vibrating door, seething.

"Cristina," he greeted, his eyes darting from the younger surgeon to his silent, shocked family and back.

"Cristina," Meredith's voice rushed past him as she hurried to her friend. "What's wrong?" She asked quickly, her voice concerned.

"You." Cristina responded harshly, her hand coming up to point at Meredith. "You lied to me. Izzy showed me her letter and you...I asked everyone. Everyone, Meredith. And you're all who's left."

Derek saw Meredith tense as he realized at the same time exactly what it was Cristina was upset about. Before she had left his office that afternoon, Meredith had told him about her predicament with her best friend, and had him make a promise. Well, actually she had made him make two promises, though unrelated.

Promise one: Don't tell anyone, especially Cristina, about my ranking first.

Promise two: Do not, under any circumstance, tell your mother we had sex in your office.

"Cristina, I'm sorry..."

Cristina shook her head, cutting off Meredith protests. "You let me run around like an idiot, asking everyone. And you knew the whole time. You didn't say anything. Seriously, Meredith, how could you?" And before waiting for an answer, Cristina turned and disappeared from their doorway as quickly as she had appeared.

"Cristina!" Meredith called out. She turned back towards Derek and his family, wide eyed. "I, uh, I'm sorry. I'll be right back." And suddenly Meredith had disappeared out the door after Cristina.

Derek blinked and slowly turned back towards his shell-shocked family.

"Who was that?" Carol asked quietly.

"Uh, that was Cristina, Meredith's best friend," Derek offered.

"And is she always like that?"

Mark laughed. "Pretty much."

Derek rolled his eyes. "She's not usually that bad. She's a little short with people, but they have a surprisingly functional friendship."

"So, what was that about?"

"Yeah, what _was _that about?" Mark asked, his interest sufficiently peaked.

Derek sighed and eyed the door. Assuming Meredith could catch her before she reached her bike, it would likely take some time before Meredith could make her best friend calm down and see reason. He turned back to his family, uncertain. He didn't want to tell them, and have Meredith be upset, though the original purpose of not telling anyone was so Cristina wouldn't find out...so maybe he was off the hook now?

"Wait, was this about the intern exam?" Mark asked, and when Derek nodded, Mark turned to explain to the three Shepherd women. "They released the rankings for the intern exams this week. From what I hear Yang's been all over the hospital trying to figure out who beat her. To call her competitive would be putting it mildly. Apparently second place wasn't good enough. She even asked me if I get a list of the rankings a department head, and then stalked me until I swore I didn't have any access to that information."

"Okay," Natalie said, nodding. "But then, why is she mad at Meredith?"

Mark shook his head. "Don't know."

And suddenly there were four sets of questioning eyes focussed on Derek. He sighed and sent a silent prayer that Meredith wouldn't be upset; it wasn't as if they wouldn't figure it out quickly if they thought about it. "Because it was Meredith," he told them. "She beat Cristina, and didn't know how to tell her."

"Grey won? That's great," Mark stated.

"That's wonderful," Carol agreed. "But shouldn't her friend be happy for her?"

Derek sighed, wondering where his peaceful evening had gone wrong. "Cristina is just...well, winning is very important to her, and she comes by it honestly. She's very hard working and very knowledgeable. She's very strained with her family, and I get the impression she's never had any close friends before coming to Grace, and she lost her fiancé last month..."

"Oh, that's horrible, was he in an accident?" Carol asked.

Derek shook his head. "No, not like that. He left her at the altar...after forcing her into a huge wedding she didn't want." He sighed. "Don't judge her on this, really. She's a good person, and a good friend to Meredith. She's always been there for her."

There was silence as Carol, Anna and Natalie obviously tried to come up with something somewhat positive to say.

"Well, it's awesome that Meredith ranked first," Anna finally said, with a smile. "God, I remember writing that thing. It was horrible. I think I ranked fourth or fifth."

Derek smiled, proud of his girlfriend, and wishing she were here to hear his family's praise.

Mark nodded. "That's very impressive, especially after the week she had, with Susan passing away and all." Derek winced at the name, but knew it was too late to stop the inevitable explanation.

"Who was Susan?" Anna asked quickly.

"Her step-mom-" Derek tried to answer, but was cut off.

"Her step-mom?" Natalie asked, her eyes flicking back and forth between Mark and Derek. "I though it was her mom who died?"

Mark spoke before Derek could, and didn't notice his former, and hopefully future, best friend's subtle signals to steer clear of Meredith's life. "No, her mom died a while before her step-mom. And the exam was on the same day as Susan's funeral."

Derek shook his head, still trying to signal Mark to change topics, but his family was involved, solidly holding Mark's attention elsewhere.

"That's horrible!" Carol exclaimed. "She lost her stepmother and her mother?"

Mark nodded. "Her mom died a little more than a month before Susan, the same day that Meredith d-"

"Mark!" Derek said quickly, stopping him before he said something Meredith really didn't need to deal with explaining to his family. A short explanation and a request not to talk about it was enough to keep people off your back about the death of a family member. But, even with the best intentions, there was always a hint of wondering if they knew you were in an accident, or had been in as serious a condition as Meredith had been. And his family knew medicine, so the questions would be there. And Meredith definitely did not need that right now. Neither did Derek.

Mark spun his head around, his expression somewhat shocked as he nodded. _Sorry, man. __Didn't realize.__ I'm shutting up now._

"The same day Meredith what?" Natalie asked, her suspicious eyes glancing from Mark to Derek as she realized her surrogate brother was now done talking.

"Nothing," Derek answered quickly. "And please don't ask her about it," he pleaded. "It wasn't a good day."

"But-"

Derek shook his head. "Please, Nat. Just let it go. I'm sure you'll hear the story one day, but for now just let it go. It's not something we're ready to talk about yet." He felt his throat tighten at the mere memory of that fateful day. The day he had almost lost her forever. And even though they had talked it through, and he understood everything that had happened, the feeling of utter hopelessness still flooded him as he remembered finding her limp body in the cold, dark water. Carrying her blue form to the ambulance in a trance and performing CPR as if his life depended on it. Turns out, it had. He needed her. And he had horribly clear memories of being forced out of the trauma room. Not being allowed to help. Waiting for hours without news. The inability to transform the flat line that belonged to Ellis Grey into anything resembling a pulse. Sobbing as he called time of death and collapsing onto the floor. Ignoring the flutter of activity around him as the nurses unhooked and covered the still, lifeless body. The feeling of complete hopelessness as he sat, the only thing holding him up being the solid wall behind him. The utter grief at the realization he hadn't been able to save either one of them.

He let out a deep, shuddery breath and looked up to meet Mark's gaze.

"Everything worked out okay, man," Mark offered quietly.

Derek nodded as the hopeless, grief stricken memories dissipated. "Yeah." He flicked his eyes towards his concerned family. "Please. Please, just let it go."

Carol nodded at her son, her face taking on a concerned expression. "Okay, Derek. We'll let it go. Right, girls?"

Anna and Natalie nodded. "Of course," Natalie added.

"Thank-you," he said with relief, hoping they would steer clear of the topic when Meredith returned.

_**AN: Well, it wasn't as long as the last chapter, but still up there. Wow **__**am**__** I ever getting wordy. **__**Lol**____** Sorry that the updates are getting long again, **__**i**__**'**__**ts**__** just taking **__**me**__** more time to proof these longer chapters. I'd like to send out a huge thank-you to everyone who had reviewed so far, your feedback is awesome and helps me make decisions about where this story line is going. I will answer your wonderful reviews soon. Oh, and to everyone who is also reading **__**Where**__** You Belong, I am so sorry about the complete lack of updates, but I need to put that story on temporary hold for a few weeks to get this story winding down. I was having trouble keeping the storylines straight and separate, but will get back to it as soon as I can. Thanks for reading, as always. **_


	35. Building memories

Meredith hurried down the stairs, about a flight and a half behind Cristina. Upon reaching the ground floor, she hurried out into the lobby, only to catch a flash of dark hair as the door swung shut. Swearing quietly to herself, she caught the stairwell door on the close and shot into the lobby.

"Cristina!" She called out as she ran through the front door and into the cool evening air. Cristina was already on her bike. "Cristina, please talk to me," she called as she ran up to her friend, who was quickly fastening her helmet and preparing to take off.

"I have nothing to say to you," Cristina told her as she stuck her key into the ignition and turned her vehicle on.

"I'm sorry."

Her words caused Cristina to pause, her hand poised on the gear shift as she turned to meet Meredith eyes. But where Meredith expected anger and resentment she found...pain. "What are you sorry for, Meredith?"

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked cautiously.

"It's a simple question. You said you were sorry. Why?"

Meredith sighed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't know how. And I'm sorry I let you run around and ask everyone. And to be perfectly honest, I'm sorry I beat you."

Cristina sat, still and silent, for several seconds before she reached her hand away from the gear shift and turned off the ignition. "I don't want you to be sorry you beat me, Meredith," she scoffed. "I want to know why you didn't tell me. Did you know the whole time?" She asked, her tone much less harsh than before.

Meredith shook her head. "No. I didn't even know the results were available until you told me. And I was hiding from Derek's family, so I went and got them from the Chief."

Cristina snorted at Meredith's open admittance to hiding. "So, why didn't you tell me then?"

Meredith took a breath and shrugged her shoulders. "Honestly, I don't know. I freaked out for a while. And then Derek called me and I had to meet him and then go have dinner with his family..." she trailed off and shook her head.

"I bet you told him right away, though," Cristina said, not bothering to hide the contempt in her voice.

Meredith quickly shook her head. "No, I didn't tell him until today. We had a...thing during and after the first dinner with his family. So, I was kind of distracted for a while. Then we were away from the hospital and I just forgot. It really wasn't until today that I thought about it again. I swear."

Cristina nodded, accepting her explanation. "What kind of thing?"

"I, uh, a thing," Meredith answered. "A thing where we sort of talked and then went to bed and the next day was freaking torture to get through."

Cristina raised an eyebrow. "A fight?"

"No," she shook her head as her mind wandered back a few nights. "Not a fight. We didn't fight, or argue or anything. We just..." Meredith sighed. "I guess sometimes things can take you by surprise."

Cristina narrowed her eyes and swung her leg back over the bike, making it perfectly clear she was sticking around for an explanation. "McDreamy didn't go all weird that his family is in town and demand you act different or anything, did he?"

Meredith smiled and shook her head. "No." _He would never ask me to __do that_ "He...fine," she responded at Cristina's expectant gaze. "Can we at least sit down?" She motioned towards the front steps to her building, the ones she had flown down only a few minutes prior. Cristina nodded and followed her over, collapsing onto the second step and leaning against the railing as Meredith set herself down heavily on the third. She shifted and hunched over, resting her chin on her hands.

"You realize you're sworn to secrecy when I tell you this, right?"

Cristina nodded and waved her hand, dismissing Meredith's caution.

Meredith smiled. One thing she had never had to worry about was anything she told Cristina reaching outside ears. "Derek gave up Chief."

"What?"

Meredith sighed. "On the day of your...uh..."

"Non-wedding," Cristina supplied, rolling her eyes at Meredith's hesitation to say it.

"Right, on the day of your non-wedding, when the Chief was supposed to announce Chief Resident and Chief of Surgery, and we all thought he decided to stay...well, turns out he picked Derek. Offered him the job. And Derek turned him down."

"What? Why?"

"I guess a few weeks before, after my whole drowning thing, the Chief told Derek he wouldn't give him Chief because he wouldn't have time for me, and our relationship wouldn't last."

Cristina scowled. "That's stupid. Did he do the same thing to Burke?"

Meredith shook her head. "No, apparently it wasn't Derek he was trying to protect. It was me." She shook her head again, this time in anger at the man who seemed to have appointed himself her surrogate father crossing the line. "He told Derek he promised my mother he would watch out for me, before she died."

Cristina blinked, knowing the added stress Meredith felt with the Chief and his history with her mother. Meredith hadn't discussed it with anyone other than Cristina and Derek. "That sucks."

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, and it's completely absurd that she would have asked him to promise anyway. It's not like the woman ever thought to look out for me herself when she was alive and well," Meredith rolled her eyes as she cut off her own rant. "Anyway, it really got Derek thinking and freaking out, and I had just practically died a few weeks before..."

"So, then why did he pick Derek?"

Meredith shook her head. "I don't know. Maybe he didn't have a choice? Maybe the board chose him over Webber's objections? I really have no idea. But I do know that it got Derek thinking and by the time he was offered the job he claimed he didn't want it anymore. Too much paperwork and too many hours." She sighed. "Of course, I didn't know about any of this until three nights ago when his mother asked about it."

"What's his excuse for not telling you?"

"Well, it was right before he came to the church, and then you know what happened there. I practically spent the entire night with you, and then work the next day with the accident to keep us overnight, and then we went to Hawaii... He says he stopped thinking about it. I believe him."

"Were you mad when you found out?"

The question was simple, but her answer wasn't. "Not mad, exactly. More...frustrated. I hate that the Chief thinks he has a right to do things like that. And I hate that Derek let it affect him. I don't..." she trailed off and sighed. "I don't want him to regret giving up his dream for me, you know? A few years down the road he could turn around and tell himself he hates the way his life is going and resent me for it. And I won't have the power to prove otherwise."

Cristina seemed momentarily taken aback. "Well, if the Chief offered him the position anyway, then it's not your fault. He could have had both, but didn't go for it. If he regrets it, it's on him."

"He says he's happy with his choice," Meredith added. "Says he hates the paperwork, that department head is more than enough already. And I hate myself for being happy with his freaking decision. Because he's totally right. We barely see each other as it is. If he was Chief, I'd never see him. And being happy about it makes me selfish. And that makes me a horrible person. And if he wakes up in a few years and regrets this, I won't be able to make him happy." She let out an exasperated breath and buried her face in her hands.

Cristina listened quietly as Meredith ranted and paused to consider her response. "Okay, I'm going to tell you two things. One; stop whining about it. It's done. He made the decision and turned down the offer. There's nothing you can do to go back and change that. And two; he's not going to change his mind."

"What?" Meredith asked, looking up quickly as Cristina's last words caught her by surprise.

Cristina rolled her eyes, but behind her scowl were the hints of a smile. "Look, McDreamy is totally absorbed in his little Meredith world. The man loves you, Meredith. It's painfully obvious; disgusting really. Everyone can see it."

"But-"

"He's happy, Meredith." Christina used her best no-nonsense voice, one she had likely perfected on her interns. And, although she wasn't exactly the best at dealing with said interns, she knew exactly how to deal with Meredith, and exactly what Meredith needed to hear.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Meredith sighed as she allowed a small smile to flutter to her lips. "Me too," she whispered, causing her best friend to roll her eyes.

"Let me correct myself. It's disgustingly obvious to everyone that you two are _both_ pathetically in love with each other."

Meredith laughed. "We're not that bad."

Cristina tilted her head back and forth as she considered. "No, I suppose not. But you know who is? The freaking roommates you left me stranded with. They're bad enough at home, just imagine what they'll be like at the hospital when they go full blown."

Meredith laughed Cristina's, hopefully, exaggerated tale of George and Izzy's relationship. And then something clicked in her mind and she smiled. "You said home."

"What?"

"You called it home. Even when you were living with Burke, you called it his place, or your apartment. But you never called it home."

Cristina scoffed. "It never was home."

"But now..."

Cristina made a large show of rolling her eyes and expertly avoided Meredith's gaze for several moments. "Fine," she said as she glanced back. "I guess the freaking youth hostel you stranded me in is starting to feel like home."

Meredith smiled at her small victory. As guilty as she had felt for moving in with Derek and being happy when her best friend was shattered and struggling just to put the pieces back together and keep moving, she had done something right. Cristina had gotten a home out of the deal. That even made her feel better about letting Cristina listen to her rant about her issues. Derek was amazing, but there was something special about being able to talk to her best friend that made Meredith feel better; it was like they shared a unique understanding, a different perspective of the world. Derek had told her there may always be a little part of her that he didn't understand. Maybe that was the part that Cristina did, even if she didn't get a lot about Meredith that Derek did.

"You said years," Cristina's sudden accusation pulled her from her thoughts.

"What?"

"When you said you were worried about McDreamy regretting his decision, you said years."

Meredith nodded. "Yeah."

Cristina narrowed her eyes. "Seriously?"

Meredith nodded again, unable to hide the happy smile filtering through her expression.

"Have you actually talked about it?" She asked carefully.

"Yeah, we have. Which was huge and scary for me, but we did it. We spent hours talking one day. Hours. Talked about everything that's happened between us. And then everything was better." Meredith felt good opening up about her and Derek's recent steps. After Burke had left, she had stopped talking about her relationship when she was around her best friend as much as she could, in an attempt to do whatever she could to not hurt Cristina. But, if Cristina was making the initiative to talk, that hopefully meant she was moving on.

"Burke and I never talked," Cristina said. "I avoided. He forced the issue. I tried to stop it, or at least slow it down. And then he would make it happen anyway. He went to the Chief and told him about our relationship. He threatened to walk away if I didn't move in with him. He agreed to get married in city hall, and then invited our mothers out to plan a church wedding."

Meredith felt a small intake of air as she struggled to hide her surprise. She and Cristina had never talked about Burke so in depth, before or after he left. She had no idea what to say, but Cristina surprised her again by continuing.

"I guess Burke did me a favour by walking away." She shrugged. "We were too different, and we wanted different things. I can't imagine what would have happened if we were married and he suddenly decided he wanted kids." She shook her head. "Anyway, I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I really don't think a relationship should be like that. I didn't realize at the time, but he was holding all of the cards. And I thought I was happy, but right now I feel...relieved."

Meredith nodded, absorbing the information. "So, maybe it was a good thing."

Cristina nodded. "I'm really starting to see it that way, and not just in the bitter sense."

"Okay." There was nothing else Meredith could add.

"So, are you going to marry him?" Cristina asked openly.

Meredith surprised even herself when she didn't hesitate to nod. "Yeah. One day. Not now, though. I'm not ready. But one day."

Cristina nodded. "Good."

Meredith smiled as they lapsed into comfortable silence, the tension between them gone. Cristina looked uncharacteristically relaxed and maybe even content. They were slowly falling back into their normal rolls as best friends. Meredith no longer felt like bringing up her happiness in her strengthening relationship as something that had to be blacklisted.

"Do you want to come up and meet everyone?" Meredith asked quietly. It was late and starting to get a little colder. She was thankful she hadn't had a chance to remove her coat before racing out of her apartment.

Cristina scoffed. "Sorry, Mer, but you have to deal with the in-laws on your own. I've wasted plenty of my own life on the whole in-law front. Never again."

Meredith laughed. "They're not that bad, though you probably sent them reeling and now they think I have crazy friends and their opinions of me have dropped. So, thanks for undoing all my hard work."

Cristina rolled her eyes at her person's sarcasm. "Whatever. I'm sure McDreamy is talking you up." She sighed and stood, signalling the conversation was coming to a close as she made her way over to her bike. She was half way there when she stopped and turned back to face Meredith. "Why did you say you were sorry you beat me?"

Another complicated question.

"Are you really sorry? Cause that's stupid, unless it's a guilt thing, which makes it really stupid."

Meredith sighed. "I am sorry. And I'll admit that some of it's guilt. I can't imagine what you went through that week, and you deserved number one. You studied for months before. Everyone expected you to get it." Meredith told her, deciding honesty was best. "But apart from that...I guess I didn't want it."

"First of all, you had a tough week too, if you beat me, it was deserved. Second of all, why wouldn't you want it?" Cristina asked, as if not striving for number one at all times was simply unheard of.

"I hate that every time I do anything, I'm compared to my mother. If I do something bad, I'm a disappointment. And if I do something good, something like this, people think I'm living up to my mother's reputation. As soon as the hospital knows, everyone's going to be all 'ah, the young Grey is living up to her heritage' or whatever other crap is floating around their minds. I wish I could just live in a world where no one knew who Ellis Grey was."

"Normally I'd argue with you and tell you I would have killed to have Ellis Grey as my mother, and while that still may be true, I think I have a new perspective on the whole affiliation thing. Hahn hates me for a relationship I had with another surgeon. She thinks Burke carried me here. And when we were together and everyone knew, I felt this constant pressure to be extra good to prove I was good without him. I never realized that's how you felt about your mother."

Meredith smiled and nodded, silently accepting the silent apology. "Yeah. It sucks."

"And I have a chance now to prove otherwise. You'll never get that chance, will you?"

Meredith shook her head. "No." She shrugged. "Unless I moved away and changed my name," she smiled jokingly. "What do you think would go well with Meredith? How about Meredith Green? Then I at least still stick with the colour thing."

Cristina snorted. "Too generic. You want to stand out so people will remember good surgeries."

"Okay," she thought for a moment. "Meredith Graham?"

Cristina shook her head. "I was think more Meredith Flynn."

"Flynn?"

"Yeah. Its short and easy to remember. And different without being stupid."

Meredith laughed and shook her head. Only Cristina would actually think about the type of name a surgeon should have.

Cristina sighed. "If it's any consolation, I'm pretty sure the whole hospital knows what a bitch your mother was and gets that everything you've accomplished has been on your own. I don't think this will fall under the 'following her mother's footsteps' part of most people's minds. Well, maybe the Chief, but no one else."

"Thanks. That does help. And the Chief thing is something I just have no control over, as much as I just want to scream at him sometimes."

"I know." Cristina nodded and made to turn around before she caught herself. "Oh, and Meredith? If someone had to beat me, I'm glad it was you. Anyone else I'd have to hunt down."

Meredith laughed and waved as Cristina shoved her helmet onto her head and sped off on her bike. She stood outside for several minutes, thinking, before she headed back inside. The conversation had been surprisingly cleansing for several reasons. It was okay that she was first. It was okay that Derek had given up Chief. Cristina was doing well. And, most importantly, Meredith had fallen in love with a wonderful man. There had never been the kind of pressure there had been in Cristina's relationship. And just like Cristina, Meredith wouldn't have known enough to recognize it if it had been her. She was lucky.

000

Meredith turned the knob to re-enter her apartment, pausing only to take a breath before pushing open the door. She almost laughed as she realized she was expecting everyone to be in the same position as when she left, staring accusingly at her, demanding to know what had happened. Instead, she found a quiet, comfortable scene. The Shepherd family plus Mark were seated on the couches, talking animatedly about one thing or another. Natalie and Mark were sharing the loveseat, and across from them Carol was seated on the couch with Anna stretched out beside her, leaning her back against the arm rest. Derek was stationed on the floor, leaning against the outer wall of the apartment.

"Sorry about that," Meredith spoke to everyone as she made her way around the couch and collapsed onto the floor beside Derek, leaning against the wall as well, her shoulder gently meeting his.

"Apparently we are in need of more furniture," Derek commented with a wry smile as his hand found hers as if on its own accord and he weaved their fingers together. His expression told her the conversation had definitely crossed paths with the furniture issue at least once.

Meredith smiled. "Yeah," she agreed with a small laugh at the realization that he had been sitting on the floor talking to his comfortably seated family throughout her conversation with her friend.

"How's Cristina?" He questioned gently.

"Good," Meredith answered, her gaze leaving his to swipe across those of the four other people in the room. "I really am sorry about that. But she really needed to talk, and she's my best friend..."

"It's not a problem, dear," Carol said lightly. "It's good to be there for friends. Derek tells us that her fiancé left last month?"

Meredith nodded, and squeezed his hand when she felt Derek tense beside her. It was okay that he had told them. He had to have said something to explain. "Yeah. He left. It wasn't good."

"No, it must have been horrible for her. She's lucky to have a friend like you, especially after all the loss you have suffered as well."

Meredith felt her heart jump at Carol's words. "Loss..."

"Mer, I-" Derek began, but Mark cut him off.

"Sorry, Grey. My bad. I let it slip about Susan."

Meredith nodded. "That's okay, Mark." This time she squeezed Derek's hand for support. He didn't hesitate to squeeze back.

"Congratulations," Anna offered suddenly. "On the score on the exam. That's really awesome, especially at such a high scoring hospital. You should feel proud."

Meredith smiled. "Thanks, I think I do."

"Well, you should. And congratulations," Natalie added, echoing Carol and Mark.

Meredith thanked them all quietly and blushed under the sudden onslaught of attention. Derek laughed when she averted her eyes and he dropped her hand to wrap his arm loosely around her waist.

"I love you," he whispered as he leaned closer and placed a kiss on the side of her head, right by her ear.

Although Meredith usually hated these kinds of displays, especially in front of his family, she smiled happily decided that right now, she just. Didn't. Care. She was happy. And she was in love. And Derek was amazing. And that was all the mattered.

"I love you, too," she whispered quietly as she leaned her head against his shoulder and settled her weight more against him then the wall behind them, her hand finding his. And she sat there, a calm washing over her as she watched the conversation take part among the family before her. A family she was becoming more and more confident she would one day be a part of. Other than the occasional comments, she was quite content to allow herself to sit comfortably with Derek as he interacted with them. It was a wonderful feeling to be accepted. Her own family had never accepted her this much, and yet, already she felt okay being herself right now. Derek laughed beside her, his arms tightening as he held onto her while his body shook with amusement. And when the chuckles died down he squeezed her hand and kissed her head. The process repeated itself several times, in several variations until Meredith was surprised to feel Derek shaking her gently.

She blinked and glanced over to meet his eyes, realizing she had fallen asleep at some point. He smiled and kissed her lips, chaste and quick, but loving. "We're finally getting rid of them. You can sleep in the bed and not the floor now," he joked.

Meredith laughed, and a quick glance at her watch told her it was well after midnight. And even though they both had to get up the next morning and head in to work, she wouldn't take the evening back for anything. She was sure it was one of those firsts that she would want to remember one day.

Taking Derek's outstretched hand, Meredith allowed herself to be pulled onto her feet. She smiled as Derek said goodbye to his family. They were leaving before he got off work the next day, so this would be the last time he would see them.

"Goodbye, big brother," Anna said as she hugged him tightly. Then she surprised Meredith by releasing Derek to stride over to Meredith, who only had a moment to process the outstretched arms before she suddenly found herself in a hug. "Bye, Meredith. It was really nice to meet you."

"Oh, uh, you too," Meredith responded as quickly as her brain could process the novel situation.

Anna released her, but Natalie was next in line. Meredith had a slightly easier time adjusting this time. "Bye," she told Natalie.

"Bye," Natalie responded. She pulled her arms away, but remained close. "Make sure my brother is good to you. If he's not, just call me. I have tons of blackmail stories."

Meredith laughed. "Okay, I'll keep that in mind." Derek rolled his eyes as he hugged his sister and muttered something to her.

"Goodbye, dear," Carol spoke as she too pulled Meredith into a hug.

"Goodbye." Meredith cautiously patted the older woman's back as she received what she could only refer to as a motherly embrace. It was new, but it was welcome and warm, and wonderful.

Carol pulled away, but left her hands fleetingly on Meredith's shoulders, although the motion was anything but uncomfortable. "I'm very glad to have met you, Meredith," she said, meeting Meredith's eyes evenly. "And I want to thank you for making my son as happy as you do. I haven't seen him this way in many years."

Meredith gulped. "Oh, I...thank-you, but he makes me happy too."

Carol nodded and released her. "I'm glad."

"Night, Grey," Mark called, giving her a quick, friendly, but awkward, half hug, as if feeling the need to do something to say goodbye with all the hugging going on, but was uncomfortable touching her with Derek watching. "And thanks for convincing Derek to invite me."

"It wasn't-"

"It was all you, and you know it," he said quickly. "So, seriously, thank-you."

Meredith nodded, overcome by the sheer emotion in the plastic surgeon's eyes. He was getting his family back. And she was getting a family. She smiled as an understanding passed between them.

"Bye guys," Derek called with a wave as he stood beside Meredith and wrapped an arm around her. "Thanks for coming out here."

"We had better see you two soon, Derek," Carol spoke, her eyes narrowed.

"I'm sure you will, mom."

"Good." And with that she followed her daughters and surrogate son into the hall and pulled the door closed behind her.

Derek let out a sigh as the apartment went still and quiet. He turned and wrapped his second arms around Meredith, pulling her into a tight hug. "I think that went well," he whispered after several moments.

Meredith smiled as she pulled back far enough to meet his eyes, her fingers playing in the wisps of hair at the back of his neck. "That definitely went well."

"I told you they weren't that bad," he said with a smile.

"They hugged me," she commented. "I've never been hugged before. Not like that. And definitely not by family."

"They like you."

"I like them."

She couldn't have brought a bigger smile to his face if she had tried. "Good," he spoke through his grin.

"Yeah," she practically breathed as she gazed up into his blue eyes.

"What?" Derek asked lightly, his chin thrusting forward to emphasize his question.

"I'm just realizing how lucky I am," she told him evenly. "Cristina and I talked about some things and I never realized exactly what was going on with her and Burke. And I've never had to deal with that. So, I'm lucky." She smiled.

He quirked an eyebrow and leaned in, his mouth only millimetres away from hers. "Want to know exactly how lucky?"

She breathed through a laugh. "Oh, I already know." She licked her lips, practically tasting his hot breath.

"Maybe I should remind you anyway, just to be sure."

"I don't want you to go out of your way..." she joked.

"Oh, it's my job," he said. "It's what I'm here for."

"Well, if that's the case..." she trailed off as she closed the gap between them and pushed her lips up against his.

000

An hour later, Meredith lay in his arms. Exhausted. Naked. And more comfortable than she could ever remember having been. All of the lights were off, so there was nothing to add to the faint glow of light from the moon shining down through the unusually clear sky. She breathed in happily and snuggled closer to Derek's chest. He tightened his arms around her and she felt his lips against the back on her head.

"We have to get up in a few hours," Meredith spoke after several minutes. His breathing was relatively shallow, so she knew he was still awake.

Derek shifted to turn his head around to glance at the alarm clock on his night table. He groaned and returned to his original position and buried his face in her hair. "We should just call in sick," he muttered.

She laughed quietly. "We can't. It'll be too obvious if it's both of us. Plus, when Mark shows up and lets it slip that we were perfectly healthy, and stayed up late tonight..." she trailed off to let Derek finish the thought.

Derek groaned again. "Right. He's never been good with secrets." He paused. "I really am sorry he let it slip about Susan."

"It's not your fault," she answered quietly.

"I should have been more on top of things. It never occurred to me to tell him not to say anything. And then when he started talking...I couldn't stop him right away."

"Derek, it really is okay. It's not a bad thing that they know. How much did he say? Do they know about Thatcher?"

"No," he spoke quickly. "He said the exam was the same day as Susan's funeral. And they were confused when he said she was your step-mom. So, he explained she had died a month after your mother." He hesitated. "And he almost told them about your accident."

Meredith froze. "Almost?"

He sighed behind her and the strong hands resting along her middle were suddenly closing in on her fingers. "They know something happened the day your mother died, but not what."

"Okay," she whispered, not knowing what else to say. She had been okay talking a bit about her mother. And she was okay knowing they knew about Susan. But she wasn't ready to open up about what had happened that horrible day. Only Derek knew what went on between her and the water, and she intended to keep it that way.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"It's okay. As long as they don't know, it's okay. I just can't handle them knowing right now. Maybe one day, but definitely not now. I just...I liked them. And I'm okay talking about some things, but not this. Not now. I-"

"Mer," he spoke gently, effectively cutting her off. "It's fine. We don't need to tell them ever if you don't want to. I don't even think _I_ could handle it now."

Meredith paused and then turned in his arms to face him, her face scrunched up in confusion and concern. "Are _you_ okay?"

He smiled reassuringly at her. "Yeah. You're okay, so I'm okay."

"But you're all tense and upset."

He shook his head gently. "Not upset, just..." He sighed. "Mark almost told them, like really almost told them. And I had to cut in to stop him, so they were all expecting me to explain, which I didn't, but they knew something had happened and I kept remembering everything that happened that day."

She felt tears spring to her eyes. "Derek. I'm so sorry..."

He smiled at her and reached a hand up to tenderly wipe a tear off her face. "Stop being sorry. We've talked about it, and I'm okay. Everything worked out fine. You're here and you're perfect." He sighed. "I guess I just didn't realize how much of an effect that day had on me. I think I still have some unresolved emotions, but I'm working through them." His pained eyes were moist, but not overflowing and his arms were keeping her close to him, but he didn't feel tense anymore. She knew he was telling the truth. "I'm just so glad you're here right now," he whispered with a watery smile.

"I hate seeing you in pain, Derek. What can I do to fix it?"

He smiled and carefully shook his head. "You're already doing everything. I think I just need time." He hugged her close.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I know." And he really did know.

"How horrible was it?"

He sighed, his eyes flickering as they replayed the events. "Horrible."

_"Charge again!" Derek cried, long having lost count of the number of shocks he had administered. "Clear!" He paused, his eyes expertly following the leads across the monitor. No change. "__Damn__it! Charge again!" __Still no__ change.__ "Come on," pleaded, his fingers finding the carotid artery on Ellis Grey's neck, hopeful she was alive and well and the flat line was simply a product of malfunctioning leads and wires__ that just happened to occur at the same time__. "Come on, damn__it. I'm not losing you. Not today. Charge again!" He demanded. _

_He was aware of the nurses glancing at each other, but they did what he told them. It wasn't a secret to anyone in the hospital right now what he was going through. Everyone had heard about Meredith's mishap at the ferry site__, and anyone with any medical training at __all knew that her odds were extremely__ low after this long. So, if it took an excessive amount of 'extraordinary measure' for Derek Shepherd to give up and call time of death on his girlfriend's mother while his girlfriend lay dying in the ER downstairs, then the nurses would allow it._

_"Clear!" Still nothing; not even a blip on the monitor. He let out a frustrated sob as the fear he had been suppressing came bubbling up at full force. He wasn't__ going to get her back. "No. Not today!__ Charge again!"_

_"Dr. Shepherd," the most senior nurse in the room spoke gently. "It's been nearly an hour."_

_He shook his head, refusing to give in to the hopelessness and stream of tears that threatened to fall as soon as he stopped. "No. She's not going to die. Not today. I won't... She's not going to die. Now, charge again!"_

_The nurse nodded to h__er co-worker, who initiated the charge_

_"Clear!" He set the paddles down expertly on her chest, exactly where they should be to be the most effective. The charge was perfectly calibrated with the level of epinephrine he had ordered administered only minutes ago. Everything was textbook, perfect, exactly what was necessary for a code blue patient to come back. But Ellis Grey wasn't going to come back. No matter what he did, no matter how hard or how long he tried, there was nothing Derek could. He had failed her. And he had failed her daughter. _

_He paused, chest heaving with exertion and repressed emotion as he stared at the heart monitor, hoping for a miracle. __He let out a tortured gasp and shook his head, his hands going numb as he dropped the paddles, which fell one after another, clanging on the floor__, sending an array of ominous echoes around the small room__. "Turn off the monitor," he whispered._

_The nurse nodded and__ silence overtook the room__. The only sound Derek could hear was his own __laboured __breathing. He stared unseeingly at the lifeless body for several moments before lifting his watery eyes towards the clock. Barely able to see through his blurry tears, it was all he could to mumble a __time of death before he was stagger__ing backwards, his body getting lower with every wobbly step his feet made before his back finally met the wall and he collapsed into a pile of pain, anguish, fear. __Complete and utter hopelessness.__ He had failed. He couldn't save either one of them. _

_Derek didn't know how long he sat there, numb and unresponsive to the world around him, his eyes glassy and overflowing with tears he didn't know he was crying at they slid down his cheeks. The floor nurses worked quietly around him, packing up the equipment and covering the body. He didn't even realize how slowly they were completing their task__s as an excuse to keep a worried__ eye on the grieving surgeon. _

_"Dr. Shepherd," he heard a worried voice and felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He forced his eyes to focus. "Dr. Shepherd, is there anything I can do?"__ It took him several seconds to process the question and he met the eyes of the sympathetic nurse whose name he would usually know. _

_"I couldn't save her," he whispered, his voice raw._

_"You did everything you could. There was nothing else you could do."_

_He shook his head, very lightly. "I failed her."__He was losing focus._

_"No, you didn't. You did nothing wrong. T__here was nothing anyone could have done__."_

_"I failed her," he barely managed to repeat before the interactive world fell away and he became a simple, abstract viewer as he observed everything through numbed senses and blurry eyes. The nurse had continued to try to get him to talk to her, but he couldn't make himself aware again. It hurt too much. Eventually she gave up and left him on the floor. In his situation there was only one thing anyone could say to make any of his life better. And there wasn't much of a chance of that happening. _

_Derek lost track of time as he floated, his mind numb on an overload of pain. Time ceased to exist. Happiness, hope and the future ceased to exist. The only things he knew were pain, hopelessness and the solidity of the floor and the wall holding him up. Footsteps came into the room several times, but he never looked up. And__ even though__ a few wisps of conversation __entered his limited conscious, but he couldn't make sense of them._

"Is Dr. Shepherd okay?"

"No. No one would be okay right now."

"What can we do?"

"Pray."

"Any word of Dr. Grey? The other Dr. Grey, I mean?"

"No change last time I checked."

Heavy sighs.

"That poor man."

_Derek knew he should be feeling something at their comments, but he had no idea what. His pain saturated mind could only produce one question. How?_

_How had things come to this?_

_How had he lost so much so fast?_

_How had this happened?_

_How had he failed her?_

_How could he possibly live like this?__ How could he possibly live without her?_

_How had this happened? Everything had been fine. They had been happy the previous morning, enjoying some time together in bed when the phone had rung. And they had been fine the evening before when he had apologized __for yelling at her and they had discussed the criticism given by the dead woman laying only feet away from Derek now. And even that morning things hadn't been that bad. Things were tense, but they were both alive; they were both breathing. There had been hope for improvement. __And now..._

_There was nothing._

_How had this happened?_

_Derek was overcome as a wave o__f new, harsh, unchecked emotion__ rolled over him, crushing him against the floor until he couldn't breathe.__ It felt like his rib ca__ge was collapsing__ as he shuddered to expand his lungs. A fresh batch of tears began their way down his cheeks, following the path laid by the many before them. _

_"Oh, God..." he sobbed. "__Mer__..." An even stronger wave hit and he could swear he didn't breath__e__ for over a minute. The pain was excruciating. He had failed her. He had promised her he would always be there. And he hadn't been there when she needed him the most. He had wasted so much time without her. He had put her through so much pain. And now he had lost her because he wasn't good enough. He had failed__ her_

_The pain began to branch out and take separate forms; loss, guilt, longing, love._

_"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry, __Mer__..."_

_Another wave hit and he almost cried out as the pain became too much._

_"I love you so much..."_

_The strongest wave yet hit and suddenly it was too much. He gave in and let it crush him down, the external world disappearing around him as his mind and body became__ once again__ numb to everything. He couldn't handle the pain anymore. He needed to just stop feeling._

_"Derek!" He heard the vaguely familiar voice call his name several times before he finally consolidated enough strength to force his dead, glassy eyes towards the face in front of him. _

_He blinked several times as Miranda Bailey came into focus. He opened his mouth, but there were no words ready to escape. He knew what she was here to do. He swallowed, dreading the soon to be worse memory of his life. _

_"Derek," she scoffed. "Let's get you off the floor."_

_He tried to shake his head, tried to tell her to just leave him on the floor to the waves, but he couldn't coordinate his body in time. And suddenly there were two sets of hands pulling him up._

_Once he was standing, albeit wobbly and still leaning against the wall, his eyes landed on Richard's solemn form. He barely even noticed Miranda's fingers searching out a pulse on his neck. _

_"Your pulse is weak," she chastised. "What do you think you were doing?"_

_He blinked. Low pulse meant something...shock. "I-," he swallowed. _

_Her expression turned sympathetic as she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Derek. We didn't know how to find you until a nurse came down and found us."_

_"We tried to page you," Richard added. _

_Derek breathed, his mind lagging behind the comments as he recognized the last phrase and his hand went to his waist line on his own. There was nothing there. But there was a reason for that, if only he could remember... "My pager got wet," he mumbled, suddenly remembering Bailey forcing him to go and change__ earlier__He had stripped out of his wet scrubs and tossed the water logged pager and cell into the laundry bag with them._

_He met Richard's sad eyes, suddenly realizing __that his old mentor had also lost the woman he loved today.__Also Derek's fault.__ "I'm sorry," he whispered__, glancing at the still form under the sheet across from him__. "I tried everything. I couldn't get her back." Simple sentences were becoming easier to produce. His mind was coming out of the fog. _

_"It wasn't your fault, Derek," Richard reassured him. "The floor nurses said you did everything by the book. Don't blame yourself."_

_Derek shook his head, a few small tears welling in his eyes. "I failed her," he barely managed to utter as his throat tightened. He had promised... _

_"You didn't fail anyone, Derek. You were a hero today."_

_"I couldn't save her."_

_Richard sighed. "No one could have. But you saved Meredith, Derek. And if we could only save one, she was the right one."_

_Derek __blinked,__ his heart thudding as he shook his head. __"I...Meredith...I...what?"_

_"Didn't someone tell you?" Bailey exclaimed. "Derek, I'm so sorry. We thought you had been told. Meredith's alive."_

_His heart had jumped at her words and his chest heaved as his hand came up to his mouth in a fist. "She's...alive?"_

_Bailey nodded. "Yes. She's alive because of you, Derek. It took a hell of a lot, but we got her heart beating again. We got her breathing on her own."_

_He breathed, his chest still heaving as he absorbed her words. A small light was beginning to ward off the mass of pain__ and darkness__. "But she..."_

_"It took a long time, but we never gave up, and neither did she."_

_He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and he fought not to collapse again. He felt __a hand reach out and squeeze his free one, the one not currently balled into a fist and stuffed against his teeth. "She's alive," he repeated, getting used to the words. _

_"Yes."_

_And reality began to set in. She had been down for a long time. And a heart beat and spontaneous breathing were nothing without..._

_"S__he's awake," Bailey continued. "And she's been asking for you."_

_He opened his eyes, the tears still obstructing his view, but not so much that he couldn't tell Miranda and Richard were both crying as well. "She's awake?"_

_"Yes. She woke up, and was talking. She followed a conversation with Cristina for a while before falling asleep. She's going to be tired for a while, Derek, but she's going to be just fine. And that's because of you."_

_He let out a breath of relief, and for the first time that day, tears of happiness and hope rolled down his cheeks. "She's awake," he repeated quietly to himself. "She's awake."_

_"Why don't we get you cleaned up so that you can see her?" Bailey asked gently._

_He nodded. __"Yeah.__ Yeah, I need to see her." He released his fist from his teeth and wiped his face with his hand. He breathed. "I can't believe she's awake."_

_"It was a miracle," Bailey agreed. "But she was a fighter. We wouldn't have gotten her back otherwise."_

_He savoured her words, hoping he had been way off base about his assumptions regarding the accident. "__I just..." He shook his head, suddenly not caring who he was speaking to. "I just love her so much. __If she didn't... if she... died...__ I just don't know what I would do. I can't..." _I can't live without her.

_"I know, Derek," she told him supportively. __"I know. But you don't have to find out. She's okay."_

_"Yeah," she spoke quietly. "I need to see her."_

_Bailey smiled at him. "I'm sure you do. I'll take you to her."_

_He had sniffed and allowed Bailey to lead him to the bathroom where he had splashed his face with cold water and dried off, ef__fectively ridding himself of__ hours of dried tears. Then she had taken him to the room where she lay asleep, her small frame all the tinier in the hospital bed.__ She was pale now, but not blue like the last time he had seen her.__ Bailey had patted him on the back and left him at the door. He had remained there, mesmerized by her even breathing, but hadn't entered until she had woken up. And after a short conversation, she had grown tired, her eyelids drooping, so he had smiled his best McDreamy smile, helped her to roll over to her side, and had kicked off his shoes and crawled into bed __beside her. And with his arm wrapped securely over her torso and __the overwhelming__ feeling of her lungs expandi__ng within his arms, Derek fe__ll__ asleep._

_**AN: **__**So, I decided that I need to start at the beginning and read the whole story to make sure everything is accounted for, and in doing so fixed a surprising number of typos and changed some wordings and took the AN out of the middle of that one cha**__**pter... Anyway, I am in the process of re-uploading**__** every chapter with a**__**n**__**, hopefully, error free version.**_


	36. Healing Together

Meredith wandered through the small display dining room, nodding her head in appreciation at the craftsmanship of the design. The table, chairs, hutch and china cabinet were darkly stained and beautifully shaped; large, smooth, intricately carved. The table seemed to be carved by hand, the edges wavy and layered, but perfectly symmetrical from all sides. The feet met the ground before curving back on themselves, matching the feet of the chairs. Light, powder blue pillows rested on the seat of each chair; and the backs curved inward, and then back out, before it too curled back on itself.

The small corner hutch was large and smooth, but much more discreet, obviously supposed to fade in the background, while still matching the set. And the large, upright china cabinet was tall and wide, boasting an array of drawers on the bottom and small cabinets on the top, each door holding a small, stained glass window.

Meredith slid her hand over the smooth surface of the shiny table and turned to smile at Derek, who had his back turned towards her, focusing on the list of features and prices posted on the tall china cabinet. She sighed and wandered up to him, her hands reaching out on their own to wrap around his waist. He shifted slightly at the contact, and then his left hand found her fingers. Meredith smiled into his back as she leaned into his warmth.

She remained silent and still while he finished his assessment of the posted stats, his fingers brushing over hers as his eyes shot back and forth across the paper. Then he sighed and leaned back into her embrace, turning slightly to survey the full display. Meredith turned with him, barely allowing her grip to loosen as she did so.

"It's nice," Derek finally spoke, his deep voice vibrating through his back. She revelled in the feeling and pulled herself a little closer. She could almost see him smiling as he slid his free hand back to rest at her hip.

"It is nice," she agreed evenly.

He snorted, his finger hooking through a belt loop of her pants. "Do you make all of your assessments without being able to see what you're assessing?" He asked, sarcasm heavy in his voice. "I'd hate to be one of your patients..."

She laughed against him. "Ha ha. I've already looked at it, while you were distracted with the poster."

"It's good to read the poster," he countered. "Then you know what you're getting into."

"Except you've read the poster on every display set, even the ugly ones. It's a waste of time on the ugly ones."

"I'm being thorough."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, you have your way, I have mine. I look first, and then read. It's more efficient," she told him, and then added, "Just like my way of house hunting."

He muttered something incomprehensible to her, but she let it go, knowing he was stumped for a comeback. She kept the fingers of his left hand weaved through hers, but released the added grip of her right hand to open it, and rub her palm up and down his lower torso. "It _is_ nice," she repeated.

"But..." He prompted, intuitively knowing there was more to her assessment.

Meredith pressed her face into his back and breathed deeply before releasing her embrace and slid around him, making sure to keep her right arm around his back. He accommodated her move by draping his arm over her shoulder and allowing her to lean against him. "But... I think it's too nice," she said gently, not wanting to say a firm no if her liked the set. "It's really fancy, maybe a little ostentatious," she explained. "I'm just not sure it's us."

He nodded his agreement and pressed his lips down on the top of her head. "I was thinking the same thing."

"Really? Cause if you like it we can-"

"Really," he reassured her.

She smiled to herself. In the dozen or so display sets they had looked at that afternoon, Meredith had tried to convince him at every one of them that if he liked it, they could get it anyway. She wanted him to be happy with their choice more than she cared about their choice. And she knew he was getting tired of her inevitable question, but was tolerating it for her.

The warehouse store was large and open, boasting rows upon rows of sample rooms of all different sorts; kitchen, living room, dining room, office, bedroom. Derek and Meredith had already spent their entire morning in the store, and the time was now moving slowly into early afternoon.

They wandered together to the next display set, Meredith refusing to allow any distance to accumulate between them. He tried to make a bee line for the poster, but she stopped him, her arm tightening around him, and her hand even going so far as to clutch a fistful of his shirt to ensure he couldn't escape her hold.

"Just try it my way once, Derek." She turned them to face the eight-person, cherry-stained rectangular table with matching sleight chairs and a corner hutch.

"But it's better to read the poster first," he countered, motioning his head towards it, his fingers tightening along her side.

She smiled at his tenacity. "Why?"

"Because, what if you like it, and then the stats are horrible? Then you've made an attachment to a bad piece of furniture."

She snorted and turned to eye him, her own eyes dancing with laughter. "Are you seriously warning me about the dangers of making an emotional attachment to a dining room set? Seriously, Derek, it's furniture. You're not supposed to fall in love with a freaking table."

He laughed with her. "That's not exactly what I meant," he muttered.

"Derek, if we buy a really nice table, will you love it more than me?" She smirked and raised an eyebrow.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head at her humour. "You're twisting my words."

"And you're avoiding my question," she countered immediately.

He sighed, realizing he was, once again, going to lose the argument. "It would have to be one hell of a table," he said easily, his eyes sparkling.

She huffed and reached her hand around to smack him across the chest. "That's not nice, Derek."

He laughed and turned to pull her into a hug. "I could never love a table more than you," he stated, making it sound like a large feat, and then he sighed. "Truth be told, Meredith, I could never love anything or anyone as much as I love you." And suddenly his tone was back to normal; honest, open, dreamy.

Meredith was surprised to find herself fighting off tears at his honest words. "You too," she responded easily as she hugged him close.

It had been a little more than two weeks since the last night his family had been in town; the night they had stayed up until dawn discussing his experience the day she had drown. Although she knew it had been him who had pulled her out of the water, and she knew it had been him who had called time of death on her mother, Meredith had never thought to wonder what he had gone through that horrible day. She had never thought to wonder what anyone else had gone through that day. Her own experience had been so remarkable that all other thoughts about that day had simply paled in comparison. But when Derek had cried as he told her how useless and hopeless he had felt, and how he had collapsed after her mother had died and hadn't been able to function or interact again until Bailey had found him, she had realized just how much of an effect her drowning had on him.

Denny had told her that if she didn't go back that it would change him forever, but she had never realized that living without her for four hours had been fours hours too long for Derek. He had already changed, just not in the way he would have if she had never come back to him. And the clinginess and hovering he had suffered from after her accident was nothing to the way she was feeling now. Ever since that night when she had cried while he told her, and held him while he cried, she had been inexplicably clingy. Any time she was in the same proximity as him, she had to be touching him. If his hands were free, she was holding them. If his arms were free, she was hugging him. She couldn't help it. It was as if knowing how devastated he had been by losing her had made her realize just how close she had come to losing him. If she hadn't fought her way back, she wouldn't be here right now; wrapped in his arms. Shopping for furniture. Furniture for the apartment they had shared for almost a month now.

She knew Derek had noticed her sudden reluctance to be away from him, but he hadn't mentioned it. He hadn't needed to. He understood. He was actually quite welcome to it; closing his fingers around hers at every opportunity, resting a hand on her back while they walked together, wrapping his arms around her whenever he found her in close proximity. They were on par with each other's emotions now. They were healing. Together.

"So," Meredith finally spoke up. "What do you think." She turned them so that they could both see the set without having to let go of each other.

He shook his head. "I think it's too big."

She nodded her agreement. "Yeah, and it doesn't even have any of those slider things to make it smaller."

He laughed at her term, but didn't bother correcting her. He was the one who read the posters. She was the one who wandered the display and made fun of him. It made him smile.

Releasing his tight hold on her, Derek turned them so they could wander to the next display.

"This is really nice," Meredith commented immediately at the mahogany table and matching chairs. The oval table came with two 'slider things,' as Meredith called them, and a choice of four, six, or eight chairs. The set was elegant, but simple, the edge of the table lightly carved, but not the least bit pretentious. Six chairs sat with the display; the ends with arm rests, but the middles not. Each chair was a perfect match with the table; simple, curved in for the spine, light beige cushion on the seat. And the matching corner china cabinet and side hutch would sit perfectly on their outer wall at home.

Derek nodded his agreement and wandered over to the poster while Meredith went to work running her hands over the smooth mahogany surfaces and pulling open every drawer and cupboard. They met back at the table, her arms running across his abdomen as she leaned into his chest. He ran his hands up and down her back and sighed.

"What do you think?" He asked quietly.

"I love it."

He smirked. "You know you shouldn't make emotional attachments to furniture, Meredith," he jokingly chastised.

Meredith snorted at the role reversal. He had probably been waiting for her to say something like that to finally get her back. "Well, it is one hell of a table."

He laughed in full.

"So, does it get your stamp of approval?" She asked him, motioning towards the poster.

He nodded, closing his arms around her and resting his chin in her hair. "It does."

She smiled into his chest. "Good. And it'll match the living room stuff." They had finally gotten out to buy a television the previous week, and in the process had found a small entertainment unit and coffee table, both also mahogany.

"Yeah, it will," he agreed. "It's like we were thinking ahead."

"Mmmhmm," she agreed, losing herself in the comfort of his arms. "So, what else are we still lacking?" They both had the whole day off work, and needed to take advantage of the opportunity to shop while they had a chance. Upon putting together the entertainment unit perpendicular to the outer wall and lining the couches up, they realized just how large their living room area was. So, that morning they had had already picked out an arm chair, a recliner, and some small side tables. Their additional living room set, new dining room set, and the small kitchen table and chairs they had also picked out earlier would all be shipped to their apartment the next day, so anything else they wanted needed to be picked out now to be sent with the load.

Derek sighed, his grip loosening as he began to run his hands along her back again. "Well, let's see. Living room and dining room are done."

"And the kitchen," Meredith added. The apartment had, of course, come with large appliances, and they had either brought or bought all of the necessary small appliances. And a quick shopping trip after work one evening had rewarded them with a new set of dishes, and pots and pans.

"And the kitchen," Derek agreed. "Do we need anything for the bedroom?"

Meredith thought for a moment, and then shook her head. "No, I don't think so. Do you want to maybe start looking for a desk?" They had decided, as their landlord Ron had suggested, to turn the second bedroom into a home office.

"Yeah, we can have a look," Derek agreed easily, suddenly releasing Meredith so he could turn to flag down a salesperson to have the dining room set added to their ever growing list.

000

Meredith dropped her tray down onto the cafeteria table beside her boyfriend before dragging the chair closer to him and plopping herself down. She said a quick hi to Mark before bumping Derek playfully with her shoulder. "Did everything arrive okay?" She asked excitedly. She had been in early that morning, but Derek had only been scheduled for an afternoon surgery, and so had been available to be home for the delivery truck. They had spent the rest of the previous afternoon selecting not just a desk, but an entire office set, along with a futon, so that the room could be used by a guest should they ever have one. And right as they were about to leave, Derek's eyes had landed on a section of small tables, so they had picked out a simple wall table to sit next to the front door. Needless to say, their bill was well into the four figures. But it was worth it, because they were pretty sure they were done. Soon they would be completely moved in.

Derek nodded; a large smile on his face to match hers. "Everything was accounted for. And Mark, here, was just offering to come over and help us put the office stuff together." Along with a desk, the set included a filing cabinet, a shelving unit, a printer table and bookcase.

Mark narrowed his eyes at his friend, stopping mid chew on a mouthful of lettuce. "Excuse me? When did I offer to do anything of the sort?" He paused, and swallowed. "What are we even talking about?"

Meredith smiled and spoke up before Derek had a chance to. "Derek and I picked out a bunch of furniture yesterday and it was delivered today. Apparently the office stuff comes in pieces and you have to put it together."

Mark raised an eyebrow as he shifted his eyes towards Derek. "And you think I'd want to come and help with that?"

Derek scoffed. "Right, I forgot how horrible you are building furniture." He turned his attention to Meredith. "You should have seen him in college when we moved out of rez and into an apartment off campus. He used the box his desk came in as his desk for months."

Mark shook his head. "Not true, Shepherd. It was like a week. Maybe two. And it wasn't my fault. That piece was missing!"

"What piece?"

"The little hooky thing that went under the..." Mark trailed off, glaring at Derek. "Don't look at me like that. I'm a surgeon. I can put people back together. A desk is nothing."

"Great, so you'll come over and help," Meredith said brightly.

Mark paused, mouth half open as he realized he had been tag teamed into this position. "Very Socratic, Grey, I'm impressed," he glared at her. "Fine. I'll come over and help."

Meredith laughed at his expression. "It'll be fun," she commented. "You two boys can do the building thing, and I'll feed you."

Mark appraised her thoughtfully. "You cook?"

Derek snorted and responded before Meredith had a chance. "Nope, but she's got all of the take out numbers memorized."

"That's not true," she countered.

He smiled at her. "Are you kidding? We've been there a month, and you're already on a first name basis with the pizza guy."

"Yeah, well," Meredith started, knowing he was right. "I'm just friendlier than you."

Derek laughed aloud and wrapped his arm around his girlfriend. "Whatever," he mumbled, snatching a fry off her plate.

Meredith smiled and leaned her head onto his shoulder. She turned her attention back to Mark. "So, what did you do with my intern? I haven't even seen him today." Ever since Mark had allowed Myers to scrub in on the mole resection, and Myers had managed to not kill or permanently disfigure the patient, Mark had allowed the young surgeon to scrub in on quite a few of his surgeries. At first he would only let the intern observe, but after a week of grilling questions, he started to let him assist.

Mark shrugged. "He's in post op now. And sorry I stole him this morning, but come on, the kid brought me a cappuccino, without even being asked. Just showed up with it. He's obviously a fast learner. Your buddy Karev never figured out the finer points of being an intern." Alex was, of course, pissed off that Mark was allowing an intern to do what he himself had spent months attempting.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "The finer points of being an intern?"

Mark nodded. "Tell me you've never brought a drink for your superior."

Meredith scrunched her face, wanting to prove him wrong, but a memory of bringing Bailey a latte early in her own internship flashed through her mind. "Whatever," she said, deferring the question. "It's still not what being an intern is for."

Mark smirked. "It is for my interns."

Meredith was about to retort when a familiar beeping erupted from the other side of the table. Mark sighed and reached for his beeper. He pursed his lips and nodded. "Good. My OR has finally opened up." He looked up at Derek and Meredith. "What time did you want me over tonight?"

Derek shrugged. "Maybe around five? It'll give us a chance to get some work done before dinner." He glanced at his watch. "My OR should be clear within the hour, and my surgery should be quick. I should be home, and if not," he glanced at Meredith, "Mer will be."

Mark nodded, a small smile gracing his face at the realization that Derek was comfortable with him and Meredith alone together, but he didn't mention it. "Okay. I'll see you then."

Meredith smiled and bumped Derek's shoulder gently with hers as the plastic surgeon left the table. "I'm glad you're inviting Mark over."

He turned towards her and smiled back. "Me too. I think... I think I've missed him. He was like my brother growing up, you know? He's always been there."

Meredith nodded. "Have you forgiven him?"

He met her eyes and tilted his head as he thought. "I'm not sure," he answered honestly. "I'm definitely forgiv_ing_ him, but where is the cut off? When do I know the process is over?"

Meredith wasn't sure if he was actually asking her, or simply wondering aloud. Either way, she shook her head. "I don't know."

"It's weird, you know? For the first few months, I couldn't think about him without feeling nauseous. And then, when I caught him talking to you, I just couldn't handle it. I think I saw red."

"The time you punched him, you mean?"

He laughed. "Yeah, that time." He bumped her shoulder. "I've never punched anyone before, not like that, I mean. It was definitely an experience."

Meredith laughed.

"Anyway," he continued. "I thought I'd never even be able to look him in the eye again, but... I guess it's been easier than I thought. It takes a lot more effort to hate someone than to forgive them. And I spent so much of last year wallowing in myself and _my_ unhappiness, and hating so many people that I..." he regarded closely. "I almost missed seeing what I did have."

She smiled at him, her hand reaching out to squeeze his. "I'm glad you've figured things out."

He smiled. "Me too."

000

Meredith strode down the hall and dropped off her charts at the nurse's station. Her shift was quickly nearing its end, and it was looking like she was actually going to get off on time today. Her interns were accounted for, she had checked all of her patients, and there was no reason to believe she may be asked to scrub in on anything that evening.

"Grey!" She turned to catch the sight of her Chief Resident heading her direction. She cursed under her breath at herself for believing she would be leaving on time.

"Dr. Bailey," she greeted with a curt nod.

"I just had a conversation with the Chief," Bailey said quickly. "You care to explain anything to me?"

Meredith blinked. This was definitely not what she had expected. And she wasn't even sure what _this_ was. "I'm sorry, what?"

Bailey narrowed her eyes at her former intern and motioned for them to wander down the hall for privacy. "The Chief made me aware of something I'm disappointed I didn't hear first hand from you."

Meredith blinked again. Having spent a year as the woman's intern, she had become relatively good at reading her expression, and she didn't really look mad, just... something. Something Meredith couldn't put her finger on. Something she had never experienced before. Her mind raced as she tried to come up with something that Bailey would want to know. She and Derek had been living together for a month, but that was common knowledge throughout the hospital. Plus, she knew it wasn't something Bailey would care to know. If Meredith had gone running up to Bailey when Derek had agreed to move in with her, Meredith would most likely received a lecture on appropriate conversation at work. And she'd taken more than enough slack about her relationship in the past year, especially from her former resident. So, that definitely wasn't it. And she couldn't come up with anything else.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Bailey, but I really have no idea what you're talking about."

Bailey cracked a small smile. "I'm talking about your test results. Chief says they've been out for three weeks."

Meredith inhaled sharply. "Oh, yeah three weeks..."

"And, apparently, you ranked number one."

Meredith couldn't help the smile that swept across her face. "Yeah, I did. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I guess I didn't think about it."

"Well, I'm very proud of you, Grey."

The words took her by surprise, but Bailey was already continuing before Meredith could speak.

"Though, I am surprised about one thing. Ranking first means bragging rights, Grey. And yet, I haven't heard any mention of it. Have you told anyone?"

"Derek. And Cristina, because she was going insane trying to figure out who beat her. And Sloan, because he was there when Cristina yelled at me." She shrugged. "Cristina placed second, by the way."

"I figured. I heard she was harassing other second years for something, but I never realized what it was." Bailey paused for a moment, her eyes narrowing at Meredith. "Do you know about the other two?"

Meredith nodded. "Izzy and Alex were fifth and sixth."

Bailey smiled proudly. "Four in the top sixth, not too shabby."

Meredith nodded. She had never thought about how the results reflected their resident.

"You know," Bailey said, turning her attention back to Meredith. "The day the preliminary results were released, the Chief called us all in one at a time to tell us whether our interns passed or failed..." She trailed off, regarding Meredith through narrowed eyes. After a few moments she nodded to herself, having obviously made a decision. "The Chief called me in and told me someone had failed and I'm sorry to say that for a horrible second I thought it was you."

Meredith was silent, unsure of how to respond to that.

"And don't get me wrong, Grey," Bailey continued quickly. "It's not because I didn't think you were good enough, far from it. But after the week you had, with Susan passing away and then having to write the test on the afternoon of the funeral... I didn't think anyone could handle that. I petitioned the Chief to give you at least another day, but he said his hands were tied, that the test was standard and he couldn't change anything." She shook her head. "I don't know how you did it."

Meredith exhaled. "Yeah, I don't really know either. It could so easily have gone badly. My... Thatcher saw us, at the funeral, Derek and I. We made a point to go in late and sit in the back, but he spotted us leaving, and he pretty much chased me to the car. And he yelled. And..." she sighed, suddenly wondering why she was telling all of this to Bailey, but the older surgeon looked concerned and interested, so Meredith continued. "Well, let's just say I've effectively lost a father as well." She shrugged. "And I just sort of broke down or something on the drive back to the hospital. I was trying to study, but I couldn't make sense of any of the words. I couldn't think. And I was terrified, you know? Cause I knew how important the test was, but I couldn't seem to communicate that to whatever part of my mind was numb to the pressure.

"Anyway, Derek stopped the car before we got there and he managed to talk some sense into me." She paused for a moment before continuing. "He's the only reason I was in any state to write that test."

Bailey nodded. "You two have done well together," she agreed. "I know I wasn't exactly supportive at first," she said, causing Meredith to laugh, "But I must say you've handled your relationship very professionally. It's never interfered with work. You've never used it to get special treatment."

Meredith shook her head in agreement. She and Derek had always been careful to keep their relationship as separate from their work as they could.

"I'm proud to say you were my intern, Grey. And that's not something I would normally find myself saying to the intern I found naked in the backseat of an Attendings car in the first month."

Meredith felt herself blush at the statement. "Yeah, that was... that wasn't good. We don't like... that's not a regular thing for us," she found herself saying quickly. "That was definitely a one time thing. I was drunk, and-"

"Grey," Bailey said, holding up her hand. "I don't need to hear about it."

"Right, sorry, you just got me going, and I have a hard time stopping sometimes if no one stops me."

"So I've noticed."

Meredith shrugged and bit down on her lower lip with her upper incisors. "Yeah..."

"You weren't an easy intern," Bailey said suddenly. "Actually, you were probably the most frustrating intern I've ever worked with."

Meredith was taken aback. Even if she'd been given time to respond, she had no idea what she would have said.

"I mean, come on, Grey. You're the only intern of mine I've ever had to actually bring back to life. And that was the second time I'd worked on you."

"It's not my fault my appendix chose that day to-"

"I'm not finished, Grey," she snapped. "I've treated you twice. You almost got yourself blown up. Your mother was a patient many times. Your sister and your niece were patients. And Susan. And your best friend. And then what Shepherd did to you. Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep track of what stresses may be affecting you? And still, you found a way to be there for your friends. You are annoyingly loyal, do you realize that? Most interns will confess all with minimal pressure, but not you. You covered for an unauthorized autopsy. You helped Stevens after she cut the LVAD. You helped Karev study. You helped transfuse a brain dead John Doe. You were the only intern Sloan would let near his patients for some unknown reason. You pushed every boundary. You broke the rules. And yet..." Bailey trailed off.

"And yet I've never been prouder of any intern I've ever had. You may have been the most frustrating, but you were definitely the most rewarding." Bailey nodded, having come to the end of her rant. "It's been a rewarding experience working with you, Meredith." She stuck out a hand.

Meredith was shocked at her former resident's sudden revelations. "I, uh...Thank-you, you too," Meredith finally found some words and shook her hand. "Thank-you, Dr. Bailey."

"Miranda," she corrected gently.

Meredith felt her jaw drop slightly at the name, or more the meaning behind it. She swallowed. "Miranda," she said lightly, nodding her appreciation.

"Well," Miranda said louder, as if suddenly realizing she had spent the better part of ten minutes complementing a former intern. "Congrats on the test score. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

And then she disappeared down the hall, leaving a stunned Meredith in her wake.

000

"Mark, did you want a refill, or are you okay with your drink?" Meredith called as she set three plates and sets of utensils down on the brand new dining room table.

"I'm fine with this, Grey," Mark responded as he and Derek made their way over to the table, leaving the half dismantled desk behind in the living room. Apparently the two world class surgeons had failed to measure the doorway, even though she had suggested it, and had put the desk together perfectly. In the living room. And when they had tried to lift it into the office it hadn't fit. By many inches it hadn't fit. Many. They had grumbled and sworn and blamed the desk and blamed the doorway and blamed each other. And Meredith had laughed and rolled her eyes and told them they were both idiots, and then she had gone back to constructing the front hall table. That had been about an hour ago. Since then Meredith had finished putting together the table. And the kitchen table. And she'd set the dinner table, and made a salad. The boys were still working on distinguishing which screws could be undone to break the desk down enough to fit through the door without losing its stability or not being able to put it back together afterwards.

The pizza had shown up several minutes ago, effectively signalling a temporary time out in the construction zone. It was already sitting on the table, lid closed to conserve heat. Meredith went back to the kitchen and grabbed the large, full salad bowl.

"Here we go," she said as she set it down on the table and then collapsed onto the chair next to Derek, with Mark sitting across from them. "Wow, I feel so domestic," she said suddenly.

"Hmm?" Derek prompted.

She smiled, glancing between him and Mark. "I feel so domestic," she repeated. "With the setting of the table and the making of the food while the men work," she said with a low voice.

Derek scoffed. "Ordering pizza is not making food."

"It's the same thing."

He shook his head, a large smile on his face. "It's so not the same thing."

"She did make the salad," Mark commented as he reached for a slice of pizza.

"Yeah!" Meredith said quickly. "Thank-you, Mark."

Derek rolled his eyes. "She didn't make salad. She made lettuce with salad dressing on it. That doesn't count."

"That's what salad is, flavoured lettuce," Meredith fought, causing both Derek and Mark to laugh.

"The lettuce is supposed to be a more neutral thing," he told her. "Like bread is for a sandwich."

"But bad bread makes a crappy sandwich."

He nodded. "Just like bad lettuce makes a crappy salad. But good lettuce by itself doesn't make a salad."

She glares at him. "I put vegetables in."

He looked surprised. "What kind?"

"Cucumber."

"And."

She smiled. "Cucumber."

He laughed and shook his head.

"The only other thing in the crisper was red peppers."

"Red peppers are good in salad," Mark said.

She shrugged. "Yeah, but they're hard to cut."

Derek laughed loudly, his arm finding her waist as he pulled her in close for a quick half hug. "What would I do without you?"

"Probably eat less pizza," Mark answered for her.

"What is wrong with pizza?" Meredith demanded. "Of all the fast food, it's definitely not the worst."

"And definitely not the best," Derek countered.

She rolled her eyes. "I gave in to the salad, didn't I?" They'd made a deal that on nights where they ordered pizza, they would have a salad. It was the best middle ground they could agree on.

Derek smirked. "It still doesn't make the pizza healthier."

Meredith shook her head and turned towards Mark for support.

But Mark shook his head. "Sorry, Grey, I have to go with Derek on this one."

"How do you not like pizza?"

He shrugged. "It's not that. I love pizza, but not often. You can't keep this figure," he motioned to himself, "And eat junk all the time."

Meredith laughed as Derek cut in to counter that it wasn't a look thing, it was a health thing. And they argued about the benefits of each. And they argued about their lives back when they had been rooming together in college and had set to making healthy meals. And they argued about exercise plans. And they argues about whose room had been bigger in college, though Meredith wasn't sure how they had made that jump. She just sat back and watched in awe as Derek and Mark seamlessly fell back into an old routine. They were arguing because it was fun. Derek was animated and quick and witty, and they obviously touched on some old disagreements that she was sure had deeper meanings, but she was far too enthralled by their interaction to cut in and ask. They spent a good hour working on the pizza and salad, before moving back to the desk, still arguing about whose fault it had been that it didn't fit.


	37. Three for Three

Derek was minding his own business, other than the fact that he was curiously surveying a particular conversation occurring at a table across the cafeteria, when a series of thuds resounded beside him. He turned his attention away from the intriguing interaction of the other table to find Cristina and Izzy setting their trays down beside him.

"Hi," he greeted cautiously as he discreetly glanced behind them for Meredith. There was no sign of his girlfriend.

"Hey," Cristina said as she sat down across from him.

"Hi, Derek," Izzy greeted warmly as she sat beside him.

There was still no sign of Meredith. Derek was somewhat taken aback by the fact that her friends were sitting with him, even though she didn't seem to be anywhere around. This had definitely never happened before. And it wasn't as if the cafeteria was full and his was the only table with space. There were plenty of free tables.

"So," he cleared his throat. "Anything interesting going on today?"

Izzy shook her head. "Not really. I scrubbed in with Dr. Bailey this morning."

Derek nodded and shifted his eyes over to Cristina, who shrugged.

"My interns are getting on my nerves."

Derek smiled, and then laughed when Izzy rolled her eyes at her friend.

"Who's that sitting with Dr. Sloan?" Izzy asked. She too had obviously noticed the conversation that had held Derek's attention before.

Derek shook his head. "I don't know." He smiled. "But I want to know." He turned and shifted his eyes in time to see Mark smile at the woman he was sitting with. Derek didn't think he recognized her, but he could only see the back of her very blonde head, so he couldn't be sure. Mark obviously said something funny, because she laughed and reached out to lay her hand on his and he smirked. Derek definitely recognized that look.

"Who ever she is, she's definitely getting McSteamied," Cristina commented.

Derek snorted, but had to nod his agreement.

"Hey, what are we looking at?" Alex asked as he, too, joined the table.

"Trying to figure out who the woman with Sloan is," Izzy filled him in.

Alex glanced across the cafeteria and shrugged. "Don't know, don't care." He glanced at Cristina. "Yang, I hear Hahn finally let you scrub in with her."

Cristina nodded emphatically. "Yeah," she glanced triumphantly at Izzy before continuing. "She let me scrub in yesterday. And I'm still working on her patients today."

Izzy scoffed. "Just because you have Bailey on your side."

"And she's obviously recognizing that I'm better than you."

Izzy rolled her eyes. "Think whatever you want."

"I will."

Alex shook his head and exchanged a quick look with Derek. A look that said, _women, I wish I hadn't brought it up._ Derek was surprised at how easily the exchange occurred, as if they had lunch together every day, as if they regularly interacted outside of work when Meredith wasn't involved. Derek smiled and nodded to himself as he realized he was being accepted as one of them. His family was accepting Meredith, and hers was accepting him.

"What about you?" Izzy asked suddenly, causing him to blink as he tried to understand the question.

"I'm sorry?"

"Any interesting surgeries today?"

Derek shook his head. "No. Did a small nerve graft this morning. Then caught up on some paperwork. More paperwork this afternoon."

"Anything else scheduled for this week?"

Derek almost smiled as he realized he was being questioned out of interest for him, rather than hope for an interesting surgery. "I have to repair a shunt tomorrow morning. It was supposed to be this afternoon, but there were no free ORs, and it's nowhere near critical yet. And I have a BDS case scheduled for Friday. Other than that it's supposed to be a dull week."

"That's too bad," Cristina said.

He shrugged. "You may think so, but once you've been doing this for a while you'll start not to mind some down time."

Cristina scoffed and he knew it was to signify that she never expected to end up like that.

"Oh, hey," she said suddenly. "Do you know where Meredith is?"

He shook his head. "I haven't seen her since she left this morning."

"Hmm," Cristina muttered. "She must be scrubbed in somewhere. I looked for her for like an hour."

"Do you need something?"

"I have to tell her something."

"Do you want me to get a message to her?"

Cristina shook her head. "Nope. It can wait if I don't find her today." She smirked to herself, and Derek narrowed his eyes, knowing she had something important to tell Meredith. He contemplated pushing for an answer to satisfy his curiosity, but decided against it. He was being included, and he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize his current standings.

000

"Honey, I'm home!"

Derek laughed as he stepped out of the kitchen to greet Meredith as she arrived home from work. He hadn't seen her all day. "What did you say?"

She smiled. "It's the traditional greeting. I'm getting used to being domestic." She laughed. "I've wanted to say that since we moved in together, but I kept forgetting."

"It took you six weeks to remember?" He questioned, shaking his head at her proud expression. "Plus, I think to be traditionally domestic, it's supposed to be the man saying it to the house wife."

She scrunched up her face. "Whatever, it's the effort that counts. Either that, or this makes you my house wife."

Derek snorted. "I am not house wife material."

"Neither am I."

"I never said you were. You're the one who said you were trying to be domestic."

She narrowed her eyes at him as he stopped waiting for her to respond and pulled her into a tight hug. "Hi," he offered quietly as a delayed greeting.

"Hi," she responded, turning her head to kiss him before he pulled away. "I haven't seen you all day."

"I know." He released her as he motioned that he had to head back to the kitchen. She pulled her shoes off and followed suit.

"Can I help?" She offered as she wandered up to the counter.

He placed the large salad bowl down in front of her, along with a bottle vinaigrette dressing. "You can mix the salad." He smirked.

"Hmm," she mumbled as she stared down into the bowl. "There's a lot more veggies in here than when I make it."

"That's what makes the salad," he responded evenly as the timer dinged behind him and he turned to pull the chicken out of the oven.

"Derek, no offence, but the whole cooking dinner to be ready when I get home thing, well that seems pretty house wifey to me."

He scoffed and came up behind her as she used the tongs to mix the dressing through the salad, his hands finding her waist and his lips finding the side of her neck. "Except that I went to work for the day, and then came home to make dinner. Plus, I'm not your wife."

She laughed. "No, you're definitely not my wife. And you don't get to complain about working and then making dinner. I started before you, and you left before me."

He released her with one final kiss on the back of her head. "Hey, I've put in my time." He stepped away to pull two plates down from the cupboard and scooped a piece of chicken onto each before heading into the dining room to set them on the table. Although they had planned to eat most of their meals in the kitchen, they had quickly realized it was much nicer sitting in the dining room with the windows overlooking the water right beside them.

Meredith carried out the salad and cutlery while Derek came back for drinks. After a month and a half of living together, they were quickly getting into a routine so that nothing was forgotten.

"So, how was your day?" Derek asked as he joined Meredith at the table and passed her a drink.

She thanked him for the glass. "Good. Busy. I was in the pit for fifteen minutes when a surgical case came in. Car accident. The poor guy was a mess. The Chief and I worked on him for hours, but we eventually managed to stabilize him. And the Chief managed to salvage one of his kidneys. The other was gone."

"That's good, that he'll keep one."

She nodded. "And then I scrubbed in with Mark on a large area burn graft. It was pretty routine, but he let me help a lot. And he let Myers help." She shrugged. "I'm surprised he's still so intent on using Myers. It's definitely got all of the rest of the interns jealous. But Mark's been in a surprisingly upbeat mood lately, have you noticed? He was humming during surgery. Humming, Derek. "

Derek laughed at the thought. "He has a girlfriend."

"What?"

"He has a girlfriend. I saw them today, she came and had lunch with him. I cornered him afterwards and he told me. Her name's Michelle. She manages some upscale clothing store downtown. He met her a couple months ago when he treated her father, and I guess it took him this long to convince her to go out with him. They've been dating for a few weeks."

"Well, that explains it. Does he really like her?"

Derek nodded. "He said he did. And it doesn't seem to be a shallow thing. I mean, you know Mark. For him to be happy with having a girlfriend, well, that's saying something. He's not exactly one for the whole exclusivity thing."

Meredith shrugged. "Or maybe he's just relieved to find someone who'll sleep with him after the hospital wide nurses ban."

Derek laughed as he nodded. "Maybe," he agreed. "That would definitely explain it, though he really does seem happy."

"Well, good for him. Maybe he's growing up."

"It's about time."

Meredith laughed at his light tone. "So, what were you up to today?"

"Did a small nerve graft this morning. And then my shunt replacement got bumped to tomorrow morning. But I did have lunch with your friends," he told her with a smile.

She looked up, surprised. "You sat with my friends?"

He nodded. "They sat with me, actually. Izzy, Cristina and Alex."

She smiled widely, which made his heart swell. "That's good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she reassured. "I was worried that they..." she trailed off.

"That they what?" He prompted.

She sighed and took a breath, but shook her head gently. Whatever it was, she didn't want to tell him.

He reached across the table for her hand and tilted his head as he nodded. "It's okay, Mer, I can take it."

She hesitated, but nodded. "It's just...I was worried they would never accept you again. I mean, you and Izzy have been making progress, but that was away from work, when you two were practically living in the same house. And Alex is surprisingly loyal. George is pretty forgiving, but he'll sort of follow the trend in doing so," she shrugged. "And Cristina...well, lets just say that if she was serious about half of the things she threatened to do for me for revenge, you would have lost a lot."

Derek narrowed his eyes. "Like what?"

"Well, there was a plan in the works about destroying the trailer... and your car... and your hair..."

"My hair?"

"Yeah... there was a lot of scheming about your hair in the first few weeks after you went back to Addison. We decided your hair was your prized possession. There was talk about cutting it, or shaving it... or dyeing it." She laughed. "Most of the planning was tequila influenced. I was never serious about any of it, of course, it was just a good way to vent, but Cristina...well, let's just say I always wondered if she was serious. It would have been interesting to see what happened if I had agreed to any action..." Meredith trailed off with a smile.

Derek laughed. "Knowing Cristina...well, I'll know to watch my back from now on."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "She'll only attack if she feels a reason to," she joked. "But seriously, I think she's really accepting you again. I'm glad. I don't want to keep you separate from the other half of my life."

Derek felt his heart tighten at her honest words. "Me neither. I don't want to be separate from anything in your life." He squeezed her hand. "And I... I won't ever give Cristina any reason to hate me ever again."

She smiled warmly back at him, squeezing back as she nodded. "I know."

"Really?"

"Really. I really do know, Derek. It's..." she shook her head. "I don't know how I know, or why I know, but I do. Know. Maybe it's the faith thing."

He smiled warmly at her. "Maybe." Derek felt his heart constrict as every fibre of his being seemed to call out for her at the same time. _She knew._ It was something he had feared he would never here from her, that she trusted him, that she knew he'd be around, that he'd never leave her. But here she was, saying it, and looking at him with those heavy, trusting eyes. He swallowed as he felt his temperature rise. She smiled at him as her upper incisors found her lower lip. He shook his head just so, back and forth several times, and then he suddenly found himself out of his chair, marching around to meet her. She was already on her feet. Their lips met without any hesitation. They didn't say anything more. They didn't need to.

000

Derek ran his hand up and down along Meredith's spine, smiling when she shifted against him, burying her face further into his neck. He tilted his head to bury his nose in her hair. Sighing happily, he let his mind drift back to their dinner conversation. She knew. She knew he wasn't going anywhere. She knew he wasn't going to hurt her again. Two months ago, when they had their talk, she had told him she believed he wouldn't hurt her again. But now she _knew_ he wouldn't hurt her again. In Derek's mind, there was a significant leap between the two. And he couldn't be happier. He finally felt like he was going to be able to fully repair the damage he had done to her with one, stupid, decision.

He breathed in the intoxicating scent of lavender wafting through his nostrils from her hair. "I'm glad you know, Meredith," he whispered, and he could feel her smile against his neck.

"I'm glad to, Derek." She sighed and lifted her head off his shoulder, meeting his eyes. "It's a good feeling."

Derek smiled at her and lifted a hand off her back to cup her face. "Are you happy?"

She smiled warmly at him, leaning into his hand. "I am," she responded easily. "Happier than I've ever been, than I ever expected to be." Not only was she being honest, but she was being open; offering additional explanation to him.

He lifted his head off the pillow to press his lips into hers. "Yeah?" He asked breathlessly when he pulled away.

"Yeah." She sighed and gently lay her head back down on his shoulder. "I love living with you," she mumbled. "I think it's really helped with the whole permanence thing; gives me faith that this is going to work, that we're going to make it."

Derek forwent his hand's lazy path up and down her back to pull her flush against him in a tight hug. "I love you, Meredith, so much."

"I love you, too, Derek." She wrapped her arms tightly around his upper torso. The excessive clinginess of the past few weeks was slowly starting to fade into comfortable closeness. They had never discussed her sudden need to be touching him all the time, but he understood exactly what she was feeling. He had fully allowed, and welcomed, the behaviour; taking part in it. They had both needed it.

With a final kiss planted firmly on the top of her head, he released his tight hold and sighed as she resettled against him. "I'm happy too," he said gently. "Happier than ever. Happier than I knew was possible."

Meredith bent her arm at the elbow to bury her fingers in his hair. "Good." She laughed. "God, I can't believe we're here. If some had told me even three months that we would be here now, that we would be happy... That I would be..." She trailed off, but he knew exactly what she was trying to say.

He allowed a small laugh himself. "I know. I think we surpassed even our own expectations."

She nodded. "I never thought I'd be doing this." She scoffed. "I never thought I'd be able to do this."

"What do you mean?"

She sighed. "I just... after everything that I've done in my life, and everything I've been unable to do... I just didn't think I had the life skills, or whatever." She shrugged, which came out as an awkward shuffle seeing as she was laying half on top of him. "The whole relationship thing always seemed so natural... so second nature for everyone else. I always felt like I had missed out on some important life lesson... like I would never be able to learn, like I'd never be able to do it. But now... Now I feel like I actually have a chance. A really good chance to do it, to be in a real relationship."

Derek paused his hands, splaying his palms against her lower and upper back. "You don't just have a chance at doing it, Meredith, you _are_ doing it. You're _in_ a real relationship, and you're doing a wonderful job."

"Derek-"

"I mean it," he cut her off.

She scoffed. "Fine. I'm doing it, but I still have so much more to learn." She did the awkward shuffle-shrug thing again. "But I'll get there. I know I'll get there."

"Mer, I'm telling you. You are there. There's nothing you're missing."

She didn't respond verbally, but he could practically feel her rolling her eyes. "Seriously," he prompted.

"Exactly," she muttered. "Seriously."

He snorted. "Seriously," he said again. "What exactly is it that you think you're missing?"

"The rest."

It was his turn to roll his eyes. "There is no _rest_, Meredith. This is it. We're happy, and living together, and we're talking..." He shook his head, allowing his hands to begin their process of rubbing along her spine once more. "All the relationship thing involves is communication, support and love." He pressed his lips against the side of her head. "And we're three for three."

She snorted. "You sound like one of those love-yourself-self-help-books."

He laughed. "Well, that may be so, but it's true."

"But-"

"It's true," he repeated. "What else do you think we're missing?"

"I... the... well..."

He smirked. "I rest my case."

"There has to be more."

"Why?"

"Because. There are more steps."

"What kind of steps?"

She hesitated. "Well, there's the whole... marriage thing."

He smiled. "Meredith, marriage is only a big change for those who don't live together before hand."

"But, it's this huge step..."

"It is," he agreed. "But more of a symbolic step than anything else."

"But it's huge. And scary. And... huge."

He laughed. "But it doesn't have to be," he told her gently, and then continues before she could cut him off. "Look, I know you're not ready. But one day, hopefully, we'll be ready. I know this day and age marriage isn't nearly as important as it once was, you know? A lot of couples spend their lives together without ever actually getting married," he sighed, hoping she would be okay with what he was about to say. "And I want more than anything to spend the rest of my life with you, Meredith." He smiled when her hand tightened its hold on his hair. "But I want for us to get married. One day. There's no rush. And I know I'm contradicting myself here, because it really wouldn't change us or how we live , but being able to call you my wife would be..." He trailed off when his throat tightened. "It would be the most amazing thing."

"Really?" She asked quietly.

He wrapped his arms over her back. "Really."

She sighed and buried her face into his neck, and was silent for several moments before continuing. "What else will change?" She asked. "When we get married, what else will be different?"

He almost choked up at her choice of words. She had said _when_ instead of _if_. "Well, you'll be my wife, instead of my girlfriend. And I'll be your husband."

"Husband," she mumbled quietly into his neck, and he felt a chill run through her body.

"And you have to check a different box when you're doing your taxes..." He said, causing her to laugh.

"I don't know, Derek, that may be asking too much..."

He laughed. "Well, you asked."

"What else?"

"Well, there's the stereotypical joint checking account. And you could change your name, but only if you want. And according to all four of my sisters, as soon as a couple gets married, the man is automatically always wrong..."

Meredith laughed. "I like that, but you're right about one thing, that won't be much of a change..."

He huffed. "I'm right a lot."

"Yeah, when you agree with me."

He huffed again, but was secretly pleased she could still joke and mock him during this particular conversation. Other than vague mentions of the future, they had never talked in depth about marriage before. And she wasn't running or avoiding the subject. It showed exactly how much they had progressed in a few months. "It's not true," he muttered.

She scoffed, and then sighed. "Do you want me to change my name?"

He was slightly taken aback. "Only if you want to."

She nodded. "I get that it's my choice, but I've never really thought about it before. Is it important to you?"

He was silent for several seconds as he thought. _Meredith Grey-Shepherd. Meredith Shepherd. _He breathed. "It would be an honour," he said truthfully. "If you took my name, it would be an honour, but you are a very independent woman, and I respect that completely. And we work together, so I understand that it may become confusing."

"Thank-you."

"For what?"

"For answering the question. For being honest." She sighed. "I don't know how I feel. I'll have to think about it."

He nodded. "Again, there's no rush."

"I know. So, is that really all that will change?"

"Well, we already live together. We already share the expenses. You are, apparently, already right about everything." He smiled when she laughed. "Some terms change, and the outside world realizes we're in this for the long haul." He shrugged. "It does open us up to some legal choices, not that they can't be done without marriage, but it means we'd be responsible for making decisions for each other should the need arise. And we could actually do the power of attorney thing. That would give us complete control."

Meredith nodded. "Hey, that's something I've actually done before."

"Right, sorry," Derek said quickly, having forgotten she had gone through the process for her mother. He also knew how much trouble she had had trying to make the decisions she had been expected to make. "But the difference will be that we'll talk about what our wishes are, so that there will be no decision."

She nodded. "Good."

He smirked. Closing his arms around her small frame once again and pressing her lips against her head. "Look at you," he said lightly, his eyes sparkling. "Meredith Grey, actually looking forward to talking."

"Shut up," she mumbled, but her voice was light.

He laughed. "I'm serious."

She pushed up against his arms and raised her head off his shoulder, meeting his eyes. She looked as if she were about to say something, but instead she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.

Derek smiled into her mouth as he deepened the kiss and pulled her body up further along his.

Without breaking their contact, or removing her hand from his hair, Meredith ran her free hand over his shoulder to use as leverage as she manoeuvred her body so she was practically straddling him, her legs draped over his lower torso, and her upper body flush against his. She pulled away, panting. Her eyes were sparkling. "Are you ready for round two?" She asked breathlessly.

He smirked and expertly flipped them, pinning her beneath him. He straddled her leg and raised his knee to press against her. She gasped. "I'm always ready..." He trailed off as her hand pulled his lips back down to hers.

000

"That was..."

"Amazing," Meredith finished for him as they lay together, panting, revelling in the after effects.

"Yeah," he agreed breathily as he pulled her closer to him. He was laying on his side, with her pulled tightly against his chest, her face resting in the crook under his chin, which was resting against the crown of her head.

Meredith sighed in his arms and kissed the nook at the bottom of his neck before she pulled back far enough to lay her head on the pillow in front of his. She smiled at him and leaned her forehead in so it was almost touching his.

He smiled back at her and pulled the covers up to cover her shoulder before he expertly sought out her hand to lace their fingers together. "So," he prompted gently. "Did you have any more heart to heart talks with Bailey this week?"

She laughed. "No. I'm thinking that was a one time thing." Derek had been shocked when Meredith had come home a week before to tell him about her talk with her former resident, but he was glad for it. It probably meant more than Meredith would ever admit, or Bailey would ever understand, for Meredith to hear those words of praise. "Oh!" Meredith said suddenly, her head jerking back a bit and her eyes widening.

"Cristina had something very interesting to tell me. She caught up with me just as I was getting changed to come home."

"That's right. She mentioned she had something to tell you."

Meredith nodded, a smile appearing on her lips as her eyes sparkled. "Well, she was talking to Edith, you know, the floor nurse who's been working at Grace since she was like nineteen?"

Derek nodded. "Yeah, she's been around for at least thirty years."

"Yeah, meaning she was around when my mother was an intern. And, apparently, she had heard that Cristina was upset about placing second. And, in an effort to console Cristina, mentioned that it was okay to some in second, because..." She raised an eyebrow. "Are you ready for this?"

Derek narrowed his eyes and nodded.

Her eyes were sparkling as she continued. "Apparently, Ellis Grey placed second on her intern exam."

Derek felt his jaw open as he stared into his girlfriend's sparkling, albeit slightly watery, eyes. "Really?"

She nodded. "Really. Interesting she never mentioned that..." Meredith trailed off as she rolled her eyes. "She never admitted to being anything less than the top at anything."

Derek smiled. "No, I don't believe she ever would have. Who beat her? The Chief?"

Meredith shrugged. "Don't know. And to be perfectly honest, I don't care," she told him, with a smirk.

He laughed. "No, I guess it really doesn't matter." He smiled proudly as he met her eyes and squeezed her fingers. "You beat her."

She sighed and gently rolled her eyes. "The tests are different every year..."

He shook his head. "Doesn't matter. You did better than her, even though she thought you were unfocused. You're already surpassing your mother... on more than one front."

Meredith bit her lower lip as she stared back at him for several seconds, her expression thoughtful. "I really don't care to beat her professionally," she finally told him. "I want to be a surgeon, and I want to be a great surgeon, but..." She sighed. "It's not important for me to be better than her. It's not important for me to, I don't know, invent a new technique and have my name forever immortalized with it. I remember when she started getting all that praise for the 'Grey Method.' I was probably around ten or so, and she would leave me with a house sitter for a week at a time and travel to all of these conferences, spreading her namesake. And she was always so happy to go. I eventually asked what was going on, and she told me what she had done. She told me about her new technique. I mean, I didn't really get it at ten years old, but it made some sense, and I tried to be supportive to make her think she could talk to me..." she trailed of for several seconds. "But when I told her I was happy for her, that it was good that she was helping her patients, she... she just sort of stared at me. And then told me the most important thing in medicine was to be at the top of your game, to be the best.

"And don't get me wrong," Meredith said quickly. "My mother wasn't a bad person. She helped a lot of people, and she didn't do it for the money. She did it because she was good at it, and she was very competitive."

Derek nodded.

"Anyway, I asked why helping people wasn't the most important thing about medicine and..." Meredith rolled her eyes. "Well, that was the first time she told me I wasn't cut out to be a doctor."

Derek laughed. "She actually told you that you weren't cut out to be a doctor?"

Meredith nodded. "Many times. And they got more and more frequent as I got older and closer to college. I did my undergrad, and came out with pretty good grades, despite not doing a lot in the studying area," she shrugged. "Anyway, I told her the summer before my senior year that I was serious about wanting to be a surgeon, and she told me I would never make it. We had a huge blow out and didn't really speak to each other for months, until I showed up at her office with four acceptances," she smiled at the memory. "She was stunned at first, but within a week or so she called me and told me the only reason I got in anywhere was because of my name, that everyone knew who my mother was. She was so freaking proud of herself. She told me that she had people to impress and I had better make her look good, that she expected me to be top of the class and study all the time. Oh, and she demanded I go to Dartmouth, when I wanted to go to NYU."

"You wanted to go to NYU?"

She laughed. "Yeah, ironically enough, I did. But, after her lecturing me about being the best, and that was all medicine was about and everything for months, I decided against med school all together. I guess I kind of got disillusioned; started to believe everything she had told me about medicine and my place in it. So, I ran away to Europe, and when I finally called home, I found out my mother was sick. I came home and it was the end of July, so I called Dartmouth, even though I had declined their acceptance. And after some begging and..." Meredith rolled her eyes. "Some name dropping, they let me back in. I guess the only reason I ended up going to med school was her. I thought that maybe, if I made her proud, I could bring her back or something." She became silent and pursed her lips.

Derek felt his heart go out to her. "You wanted to make her proud," he repeated quietly.

She nodded as her eyes welled and she pulled herself closer, once again burying her face in his neck. "When I finished my sophomore year though, I remembered how much I wanted to be a doctor, for the right reasons. And I came to Seattle in the hopes that she would be comfortable back in her home town, and... I guess a little for the same reason as me choosing Dartmouth. It's stupid..."

"It's not stupid. She's your mother. It's okay to want her to be proud." He paused. "And I, for one, am infinitely glad you decided to come to Seattle, regardless of the reason."

Meredith sniffed, still not quite crying, but close. "Me too." She smiled gently at him. "I guess in the end her influence didn't matter that much. I ended up becoming a doctor because _I_ wanted to, but there was still this small part of me that wanted her to know and to be proud. But..." she shook her head as her voice cracked.

"Is that why her words had such an effect on you?" He asked quietly, no judgement, just general wonderment.

She took a shuddery breath and nodded. "I think so. It's just... I went to med school, the one she wanted me to. I got into the same surgical program as her. I'm good at what I do. But... It just wasn't enough for her."

Derek sighed. "Maybe it was too much for her," he said gently.

She took a breath and slid back again, meeting his eyes with confusion lining hers. "What?" She asked quietly.

He sighed and cupped her cheek lovingly. "Maybe she was intimidated by you."

Meredith shook her head. "Derek, there's no way she could possibly be intimidated..."

He smiled warmly at her, running her hand down from her cheek to rest on the side of her neck. "I'm serious, Meredith. You are an amazing, wonderfully competent and independent woman. And she obviously did what she could to keep you from becoming something. And then she woke up after five years, and there you were; with a med degree from Dartmouth, and a position at one of the best surgical programs in the country. The very same surgical program she herself completed at your age."

She sighed. "But she was years ahead of me. I was only an intern. There's no way I intimidated her."

"That's not what I meant, Mer," he told her gently. "You told me that she got mad when you told her about me. She was an amazing surgeon, but it's no secret she didn't have much in the sense of a personal life. But suddenly the daughter she ignored and didn't expect much from was, quote on quote, following in her professional footsteps." He smiled at her. "And you've already exceeded her in your private life."

"I-" Meredith began before cutting herself off.

"Do you think your mother was ever this close to anyone? Do you think she ever let anyone get as close to her as you've let me?"

She blinked twice and shook her head. "No."

Derek pressed his lips against hers for several seconds before pulling away enough to lean his forehead against hers. "Maybe she was jealous," he whispered. "She yelled at me, when I talked to her. I told her who I was to you, and she yelled at me, accused me of 'happening to you,' and told me to get out. Maybe she'd just never had anyone 'happen' to her before. It couldn't have been easy for her to know that you were getting both; the surgical career and the relationship."

She breathed deep. "You think?"

He smiled and kissed her again. "I do. Do you think she could ever have survived the year you had?"

"She probably wouldn't have cared much," Meredith said honestly. "She wouldn't have gotten involved in any of the friend and family stuff."

"Exactly. And do you think she would have forgiven me and taken me back? And been amazing and supported me while I freaked out about everything I've done all year?"

Meredith smiled. "No."

"You have it all, Meredith. You're a wonderful surgeon and an even better girlfriend."

Meredith laughed. "Is that a fact?"

He pressed his lips against hers again, quickly, like a habit. "It is."

"Thank-you," she said quietly as she pressed her forehead against his again, and he knew she wasn't just talking about the last comment.

"It's what I'm here for."

Meredith laughed. "Good. And me too," she said quickly. "I'm here, for you, I mean. If you need help or whatever, with anything."

"Good," Derek responded happily. He sighed and wrapped his arms tightly around her, pulling her head back down to his chest. They fell into a comfortable silence and Derek closed his eyes and began breathing evenly, waiting for her breathing to lull him to sleep.

"Derek," she whispered quietly. "Thanks, for talking about relationship things without any pressure."

"There's nothing to thank me for," he answered quietly. "We both have to be ready for any step to be worth anything."

She nodded against him. "I know, and just for you to know, I definitely don't want to be your girlfriend forever." She took a breath and he could practically feel her smiling. "Suddenly the marriage thing isn't nearly as scary as it was before."

Derek inhaled at her words and closed his eyes as he tightened his arms around her. "Good."

She sighed happily and nuzzled into his neck. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too."

_**AN: Ah, just the kind of chapter I like writing; happy, open, progress being made. I'm hoping to wrap this story up by the end of February, good thing it's a leap year, I'll **__**prolly**__** need the extra day... **__**lol**___


	38. McBlackmail

"So," said the platinum blonde as she forked a single piece of lettuce into her mouth. She chewed and swallowed. "Mark tells me you two practically grew up together?"

Derek nodded to Michelle as she lifted another single piece of lettuce from her large, vinaigrette dressed, salad. It was all she had eaten the entire evening; having declined even a single bite of an appetizer; and coupled with the salad and sparkling water, Meredith was pretty sure she wouldn't be up for dessert. "Yeah, Mark and I were like brothers growing up. I have four sisters, so I needed some back up."

Michelle laughed. Derek cringed. Meredith laughed inwardly at his reaction. They had only met Michelle a few times, in the hospital and at Joe's, and none of them for any length of time, but there had immediately been something about her that Derek just didn't appreciate. It wasn't that he didn't like his best friend's new girlfriend. She was rather nice. And polite. And calm. And a host of other positive things. But there was just something about her that rubbed him the wrong way. But not Mark. The plastic surgeon was smitten. Meredith could practically see his pupils turn into hearts every time he looked at her. "That must have been tough. I have two older brothers, so I can commiserate. Tell me you weren't the youngest?"

Derek smiled. "Second youngest. Though it didn't really make a difference. They still ganged up on me."

"They were a tightly knit group when they chose to be," Mark agreed. He looked at Michelle and their eyes locked, seemingly lost to the outside world.

Derek choked back a laugh as he glanced to Meredith, who was seated beside him at the rectangular restaurant table. She offered him a small smile and rolled her eyes in good nature. He smiled back and leaned over to place a quick kiss on the side of her head. When Mark had originally suggested the double date, Meredith had been apprehensive at the idea of a novel couple-y thing. She and Derek barley got a chance to go just the two of them; they had definitely never gone out with another couple. But they all seemed to be surviving it well.

Mark and Michelle had yet to come up from their lovey-dovey staring, so Derek wrapped an arm around Meredith's shoulders and leaned his mouth to her ear. "I don't think I'll ever lecture you about eating salad ever again after this."

Meredith laughed before she could help herself and rushed her hand up to cover her mouth. It obviously hadn't escaped Derek's notice of Michelle's leaf by leaf consumption of the especially boring salad. And it wasn't like the woman was remotely fat. She obviously took very good care of herself. She was thin, and curvy in all the right places. Meredith didn't get it. She glanced down at her large plate of pasta and shrugged. Eating was supposed to be fun. Leaning into Derek's embrace, she sighed. "Glad to see you're coming over to my side," she whispered.

He snorted and released her with a quick kiss on the forehead.

"So," Michelle said, having finally pulled herself away from the quick round of eye sex she had been having. "How long have you two been together?" She was smiling at Meredith.

"Uh..." Meredith hesitated. She glanced at Derek, who seemed equally taken aback. No one had ever asked them that before, and she didn't have a good answer. "I'm not really sure what to say..."

Michelle raised an eyebrow. "Surely you haven't forgotten."

"No, it's not that, just kind of a loaded question. We met, what, close to a year and a half ago?" She glanced expectantly at Derek, who nodded. "But we haven't been together the whole time. About two months the first time and seven this time, or eight depending on where you count from."

"Why did you break up in between?" The question was innocent, but it caused the other three occupants of the table to tense at the same moment. Neither Meredith, nor Derek, knew whether Mark had told Michelle of his entire past with Derek, and one glance at the plastic surgeon's face said he hadn't. So, letting Michelle know that Derek had left her for his estranged wife who had slept with his best friend... probably not the best dinner conversation.

"Uh..." Meredith decided to take the reins on this one. "It was complicated. But it's all good now."

Michelle narrowed her eyes, taking in the mood change of the table. She was obviously suspicious, but nodded and let it go. "Okay. And how long have you been living together?"

"Almost three months." Meredith smiled when she felt Derek squeeze her hand. It had only been yesterday that she had glanced at the calendar hanging in their kitchen and realized they'd have been living together for three months the following week. She couldn't believe it. That was a quarter of a year.

"That's great. I always say that if a couple can make it through the first month and still want to be around each other they have a good chance of making it."

"That's good," Derek said with a laugh, his arm finding Meredith's waist. "Cause we definitely still want to be around each other." He pressed his lips against the side of her head.

Meredith laughed and happily leaned into Derek's warmth.

Mark rolled his eyes. "Seriously, dude, you can't McDreamy your girlfriend in public, there should be rules."

Michelle raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow. "What does it mean to McDreamy someone?"

Mark smirked. "Nothing to anyone but them. It's Derek's nickname. The whole hospital calls him that. He's Dr. McDreamy."

Meredith laughed as Derek glared at Mark.

"Dr. McDreamy?" Michelle laughed. "Sounds like a very professional hospital."

"Oh, it is," Derek joked, before his expression turned and he smirked right back at his best friend. "But you haven't heard Mark's McNickname."

Mark inhaled from across the table and shook his head. He obviously hadn't thought through his decision to out Derek. "No, dude, please."

Derek shook his head. "Sorry, just think of this as payback for telling my sisters."

Mark groaned. "I'd take it back now, if I could."

"I'm sure you would." Derek smirked.

"What is it?" Michelle asked quickly.

"McSteamy."

"McSteamy." She tested the name. "McSteamy and McDreamy. That's awesome, and they rhyme!" Michelle laughed. "Does everyone have one? Do you?" She turned to Meredith.

"Nope, Grey started them," Mark added before Meredith could respond.

She glared at him. "I did not. It was Izzy who did most of it. And if I remember correctly, it was Cristina that named Derek, albeit she was being sarcastic." She glared at Mark before turning to Michelle. "McDreamy was the first McNickname bestowed. And I know it all sounds stupid, but you have to understand. The first few weeks of internship are hell. The first day is a forty-eight hour shift, and trust me, you don't get to make up the sleep you miss in that shift alone for the rest of the year. My friends and I were sleep deprived, and I guess it just seemed funny at the time. Then the hospital got a hold of it... and now it's common place."

Michelle nodded. "You don't have to convince me. I think it's rather funny. And you probably need something to take the edge off all the sick and dying people, right? There's just no way I could deal with anything like that."

Meredith shrugged, but nodded. "I guess."

"So, we're dining with McSteamy and McDreamy." She laughed.

"You know," Mark stated. "We could give her a McNickname. I'd only have to drop it a few times for it to catch on in the hospital..." He glared evilly at Meredith.

Meredith glared right back, not missing a beat. "How about instead, we tell her about the club at the hospital." If he was going to threaten her, she wasn't above resorting to blackmail. She definitely didn't want a McNickname of her own. Derek and Mark were already Attendings; were already department heads. She still had a lot to prove, and she definitely didn't need to be known eternally as McDaughter-of-Ellis-Grey, or McSlept-with-her-married-boss, or McCoufounder-of-the-Dirty-Mistress's-Club. And knowing her luck, she would definitely end up with something bad, especially if it came from Mark.

Mark met her eyes as his widened. It didn't even matter which club she was talking about. Both were bad. The nurses ban against Mark Sloan club, or the dirty mistresses club. Either wouldn't do well to keep Michelle looking at him in a favourable light.

"You know what? I don't think Meredith really needs a Nickname," Mark said, not willing to call and hope she was bluffing. As his fellow ex-dirty mistress, he wasn't about to underestimate her.

Meredith smirked, revelling in her victory.

"What club?" Michelle asked, but she was answered with silence. "Oh, come on, what club?" She glanced at Mark, her eyes pleading.

Mark hesitated, looking as if he was going to give in to her before he ripped his gaze away and turned to Derek. "So, I was telling Michelle that we were planning on going home next month, for Thanksgiving. Do you think Carol would mind if Michelle came with?"

Meredith blinked at the sudden topic change. Derek had come to her the week before and asked whether she would be interested in flying to New York for Thanksgiving weekend. Christmas was already looking bad regarding getting time off, and his family could only really get together for any period of time at major holidays. Meredith had agreed easily, knowing she would have six weeks to get used to the idea. It wasn't that she didn't want to become part of his family, it was that she was still a little terrified at the prospect of being isolated from anything familiar with a huge, new family. It would be a lot to take in, and she was sure as hell she would need Derek to be there to calm her down at least once. And she was glad they were going to do Thanksgiving this year, and not Christmas. Christmas meant longer than a weekend. Christmas meant more relatives. Christmas meant sugar and excitement and hyper children. Christmas meant presents and hugging and closeness... and a host of others things Meredith was sure she hadn't even thought about. And it was terrifying, because she had no idea how to do any of it. So, Thanksgiving was a good bridge to the whole family holiday thing. As far as she knew, it involved one day of close family time, turkey, and football. She could definitely handle that. And she was actually looking forward to a quiet Christmas with Derek. She'd never really had a Christmas.

"No, I don't think mom would mind at all. You know her, the more the merrier."

Mark smiled and took Michelle's hand. "I'll book two tickets then."

Michelle smiled and leaned into Mark, but Meredith noticed her smile didn't quite meet her eyes.

000

Meredith plopped down into the seat between Cristina and George, fresh drink in hand. Izzy smiled up at her, and Meredith just knew something was going on.

"Say you're busy," Cristina hissed under her breath as discreetly as she could having already had several drinks, resulting a louder than-a-whisper warning. All five surgeons had found themselves with the same evening off, and had taken to drinks at Joe's. Meredith couldn't remember the last time it was just the five of them.

Izzy clicked her tongue and glared at Cristina. "Shut up, it won't be like last year."

"Oh, you mean Meredith won't be sulking at work, George won't be kidnapped and forced to murder a turkey, evil spawn won't be secretly studying and I won't be wishing I were drunk watching you and Burke perform surgery on our dinner?"

"They performed surgery?" Meredith asked, having immediately recognized the subject.

Cristina nodded and slugged a few mouthfuls of her rum and coke, as if the mere memory made her want to drink. "Joe, Walter and I took bets." She shrugged. "Walter is surprisingly insightful. He would have made a good surgeon."

Izzy scoffed. "We weren't that bad. And this year will be great. I've already checked, so I know none of you are working. We are _all_ going to have a Thanksgiving dinner together."

"Seriously, Izzy, last year the only reason we had dinner was because Burke was there to bail you out, how are you expecting to cook this year, cause he's obviously not coming."

Izzy only paused for a moment at Cristina's comment. "I've helped cook the turkey once, I can do it by myself now."

"Seriously?"

Izzy nodded. "It's just like being an intern. It's how you learn."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "I so hope there's a big disaster that day."

"That's such a horrible thing to say!" Izzy exclaimed.

"Whatever, saying it won't make it happen, and if it does, it's just coincidence."

Izzy huffed and turned her attention away from Cristina, her eyes passing expectantly over everyone else.

Alex shrugged. "Home cooked meal, I'm in."

George nodded. "I'm obviously not going hunting with my dad. I'll be there."

"George," Izzy said softly as she lifted a hand to squeeze his shoulder. They had taken some sort of break or something in their relationship, but it didn't mean Izzy was going to let him be if he was in pain.

"I'm fine."

Izzy nodded and turned to Meredith. "I was thinking we could invite Lexie, since you two seem to be on pretty good terms, and obviously Derek..."

Meredith shook her head. "Well, you're free to invite Lexie, but Derek and I won't be there."

"Come on Meredith, if I'm going to let the spirit of Thanksgiving here," she motioned towards Izzy, "force me into this dinner, you have to be there." Cristina begged.

"We already have plans."

"Just drag yourself away from your romantic dinner for a few hours-"

Meredith shook her head and laughed. "I can't. We're going to New York."

There was silence. Four sets of unblinking eyes were staring at her.

She glanced around uneasily. "What?"

"You're going to New York?" Izzy asked.

Meredith nodded.

"Like, the New York his family lives in?" George clarified.

Again, she nodded.

"And you're going to interact with his family? Actually go be part of the Shepherd family Thanksgiving?" Alex this time.

"Yeah. Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Cause you hate families. And you're an avoider." Cristina.

Meredith scoffed. "Hey, that's not true. I hate _my_ family. I don't hate all families, I just don't know what to do around them. And Derek's family is okay. I was fine when they came to visit."

"Yeah, but there were three of them. Doesn't he have, like, a dozen siblings?" Alex asked with a smirk.

"Four. He has four sisters. And I've met three of them."

"And one of them hated you," Cristina pointed out.

Meredith glared at her.

"And they're all married, so he's got four brothers-in-law," Izzy added. "That's eight siblings. Plus a million nieces and nephews."

"How many nieces and nephews does he have?" George asked.

Meredith cringed. "Fourteen."

Alex laughed. "Seriously? I gotta warn you Meredith, families like that expect kids. Lots of kids."

Meredith felt her breathing quicken. "Thank-you. For that. Thank-you for helping me to not freak out about this. Seriously, all of you, thanks."

"Oh, come on Mer, Thanksgiving is still three weeks away. You have time to calm down."

She glared at Izzy. "I was calm! I was fine with it, and calm. Very calm. And I need to stay calm, and you guys are being decidedly unhelpful. You're making my not calm."

"What's the big deal?" Cristina asked. "You said you were going to marry him anyway. You should be fine with the family thing."

Meredith froze as three sets of shocked eyes turned their full attention to her. Cristina barely seemed to notice. She had definitely not drawn the short straw for DD tonight. And alcohol had made her particularly unsympathetic to Meredith's problems.

"You're engaged?" Izzy exclaimed. "And you didn't tell me?"

Meredith exhaled. "No. I'm not engaged," she said quickly. "All I said was that we would get married one day. Not any time soon."

"But you've talked about it?"

She nodded. "Yeah. We've talked about it. But I'm not ready yet, and Derek is fine waiting until I am. When we do get engaged, I promise I will tell you."

Izzy was smiling broadly, her eyes almost watery. George was also smiling, and he leaned over to playfully bump Meredith's shoulder. Even Alex looked happy, albeit surprised.

"What!" Meredith exclaimed when she finally couldn't take it anymore. "Why is that such a surprise for you people?"

"Cause it's you," Alex said simply. George and Izzy nodded their agreement.

She scowled. "I'm not that bad."

"Mer, eight months ago you were dark and twisty," George told her.

Alex nodded. "And you ran from everyone."

"And avoided."

Meredith shook her head and looked to Cristina for support, but her best friend shrugged. "They've got a point, Meredith."

Meredith scoffed. "Fine. I was somewhat avoidant. But I'm working past all that. I'm moving forward. And part of my moving forward plan involves being able to do the family thing, so I am going with Derek to New York for Thanksgiving weekend."

"Please tell me you're at least staying in a hotel," Alex said.

Meredith shook her head. "Nope, we're staying in his old room at his mom's. Apparently she has this huge house on the outskirts of the city."

"So, you're staying in the same house, in the same room, that Derek spent eleven years sharing with Addison?" Cristina raised an eyebrow.

Meredith glared at her. "Thank-you so much for that little reminder. Cause I won't have enough on my mind."

Cristina laughed. "Hey, think of it as me giving you some warning. You don't want to realize that at a bad time, like when you're in the room, in the bed, under-"

"Cristina!"

Her best friend laughed, but stopped talking and motioned Joe for another drink.

"Yang's got a point," Alex added with a nonchalant shrug. "You definitely don't want to be having sex and thinking about him having sex with the ex-wife in the same bed."

"It's not that big a deal," Izzy said before Meredith could retort. "What do you think it's like when they go to the trailer?"

Meredith made an non-descript noise and buried her face in her hands.

"And it's not like they'll be having sex anyway," Izzy continued. "Fourteen children in the house? I wouldn't risk that. You definitely don't want to be the girlfriend who is always remembered as the-"

"Izzy!" Meredith cut off her friend as she uncovered her face. "Seriously. Not. Helping."

The blonde rolled her eyes. "Fine. How can we help?"

Meredith sighed. "Just tell me what normal families do on Thanksgiving so I don't look like a moron who grew up under a rock somewhere."

"You wouldn't look like a moron if you'd bothered to show up last year," Izzy muttered.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I did show up. I volunteered to work to get my mind off Derek, and somehow ended up working _with _Derek on a coma patient that woke up after sixteen freaking years, and then he died, which only made me even more depressed. Then I went home, and met Alex on the front porch, and you people looked so freaking happy through the window, that I couldn't bring myself to go in and bring down the mood. So, I went to Joe's."

"You did show up?" Izzy turned to Alex. "And you knew? And you just let her leave? On Thanksgiving?"

Alex shrugged. "I'm not her baby sitter."

Izzy rolled her eyes. "And you didn't lose sleep that night when the string of one night stands began."

Meredith sighed. That month had definitely not demonstrated her best decision making skills. "Can we please not talk about this? What are real Thanksgivings supposed to be like?"

Izzy shrugged. "I don't know. I grew up in a trailer with only my mother as company on holidays. And we could never exactly afford a Thanksgiving feast."

Alex shook his head. "Don't look at me, Grey. My father would get drunk and push around my mother, and then leave. And then my mother would get drunk and barricade herself in her room, leaving my sister and I to fend for ourselves."

"Well, you know what my Thanksgivings were like," George said. "My father and brothers would drag me out hunting for the day, while my mother took a day off and spent it with her sister."

Meredith sighed and turned to Cristina.

Cristina narrowed her eyes as she looked around the table. "You can't seriously be saying I'm the only one with a remotely normal Thanksgiving memory?" She sighed. "My mom and my step-dad would always drag me out to a fancy restaurant. That was it. Nothing special. Definitely no home cooked turkeys."

Meredith shook her head. "Great, now I'm wishing I had gone in last year."

"What were your Thanksgivings like growing up?" Izzy asked.

Meredith scoffed. "You really think Ellis Grey had time to think about Thanksgiving? She worked. I did whatever the hell I wanted with a long weekend. We never recognized it."

There was silence for several seconds before Alex spoke up. "Well, we're all very screwed up people."

Meredith laughed along with everyone else. At least they had something in common. And their clinked their glasses in recognition.

000

Meredith managed to unlock the door after only two attempts and let herself into her apartment as quietly as possible. Derek had gone home after his shift ended, and it was quite late now, so he had to be fast asleep. And, as he had pointed out to her, he was a light sleeper. She stumbled up the stairs and into bedroom, tiptoeing through to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and stripped out of her clothes in the bathroom, re-entering the bedroom naked as she flailed blindly around her side of the bed, searching for the shirt she knew was close by.

"There's a sight I like to wake up to," Derek's groggy voice called from the other side of the bed.

Meredith flinched and turned to face him. "Sorry I woke you. I was trying to be quiet."

"Hey, any time you want to wake me by walking around naked is no problem."

She rolled her eyes in the dark and finally brushed her foot over the crumpled shirt lying on the floor. She picked it up and pulled it over her head before settling herself in bed.

"You have a fun night?" Derek asked as he shifted closer, his head by her shoulder and his hand resting over her abdomen as she lay on her back.

She nodded. "Sort of. I mean, it was fun, but it also wasn't fun. My friends have me freaking out, which is stupid, because I know they were only joking around with me. I mean...it's what we do. We all do it, to each other, all of us. Joking around, I mean. We all do it. It's fun. Unless you're on the receiving end, which is not so fun. And now I'm freaking out."

Derek laughed. "You're drunk," he accused lightly as he dipped his head in the kiss her neck.

She laughed. "I'm only a little drunk. But it's okay, cause I took a cab."

"And you're freaking out."

She nodded. "And I'm freaking out."

He sighed, his breath hitting her bare collar bone and making her shiver. "About what?"

"Thanksgiving. I've never had a real Thanksgiving. And, apparently, neither have any of my friends. I don't know what you're supposed to do, or say, or act like. And I'm going to make a fool of myself."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, Derek, yes I am. I'm sure there are, like, things that you're supposed to just know. And I don't know. And your family is going to think I'm a moron."

"No, they won't. They loved you."

"They didn't love me. They were okay with me. Three of them were okay with me. One hated me. And there are at least nineteen more still waiting to judge me. That's not good odds."

Derek laughed. "Meredith? You're a little drunk. And you're freaking out."

"You're sure as hell right I'm freaking out."

He snuggled closer to her, his hand wrapping over her frame. "Look, someone gets up early to get the turkey in the oven. The only ritual is basting the bird every hour. The women cook. The men watch the game."

"There you go. I can't cook. I'm already screwing it up."

"Then you can learn, or you can watch the game."

"But you said the women cook."

He sighed. "Most of them do, but there are no laws. Kathleen always watches the game with us. And the rest come in and out of the living room. The only person who never leaves the kitchen is Mark. He'll barely let you help with anything anyway. I suspect that most of what goes in that kitchen is gossip related anyway."

"But what about during the actual dinner? What's different there? What do I need to know?"

"Well, we eat early, usually around four. And we have a huge meal, and spend hours afterwards complaining about how full we are, which you may need to fake seeing as you apparently have a bottomless pit for a stomach. And then we stuff our faces with pie later on."

"That's it?" She asked, having only smacked him once for his comment about her appetite.

He nodded. "Other than playing practical jokes on Mark."

She laughed. "Fine. And we're not having sex."

"What?"

"I am not having sex in your mother's house, Derek. I will not be the girlfriend who gets caught by one of the fourteen children, or eight siblings, or even worse, your mother. It's not happening. I'm not giving it the slightest chance of happening."

"Meredith-"

"Nope. Not happening. We'll be there four days. We can hold off."

Derek laughed. "We'll just see about that." He dipped his head to kiss her neck.

She scoffed. "I'm serious, Derek."

"We wouldn't get caught."

She nodded, ignoring the feel of his stubble against her skin as his lips roamed around the front of her neck. "Yes. Yes, we would. It's exactly the type of thing that would happen to me. Those things always happen to me."

He grumbled, deep in his throat and she closed her eyes at the feeling as a very familiar tingling starting to build.

"Derek..."

He paused, his breath hot against her chest. "How about we talk about this later?"

The only response she gave was to pull his lips up to hers.

_**AN: **__**Okay, so I guesstimated**__** how long they've together both times, let me know if it's different.**__** Do we actually know how long the season**__**s**__** were individually**__**, I take issue with the 2:5:5 **__**month**__** split up**__**? And, very random, but since I was writing the gang at the bar, does anyone know what Cristina drinks? I've never paid attention... Oh, and I thought it would be funny to mention that I've now had to add **__**McNicknames**__** and **__**McSteamy**__** to my spell check list, along with McDreamy (already there) because I just couldn't handle all the red underlined words... LOL!**_


	39. Leaving on a jet plane

Meredith pulled her suitcase behind her as she followed Derek across the busy drop off route along the front of the airport. They had opted to drive and leave the car parked for the weekend in the long term lot, and so had been wheeling their bags from the lot. Derek expertly manoeuvred through the throngs of travellers saying their goodbyes to friends and family. The large, sliding doors opened on their own accord and suddenly Meredith found herself inside the airport. This was it. This was real. She was going to New York. She was going to do the family thing. And there was nothing she could do about it now.

Derek had been annoying happy and upbeat for the past few days, obviously happy to be going home to see his family, but also ecstatic about bringing her along to meet the rest of them. It was like there wasn't a doubt in his mind that everything would go fine and Meredith would immediately be accepted as the shiny new daughter/sister/aunt to all involved. And theyd all live happily ever after. To say Meredith didn't exactly hold his beliefs was an understatement.

And it wasn't that he wasn't fully aware of that. He had been supportive and calm and encouraging and... dreamy... for every one of her near freak outs all of the past week. But his glass-is-half-full, enthusiastic reassurances that the world was a magical place, and she was his queen, and his family would adore her, and Thanksgiving would make up for all of her past Thanksgivings was getting a little old. And a little bit ineffective. She had never seen him so enthusiastic and happy for such an extended period before. It was driving her crazy. And it made her hesitant to fully trust his opinion.

He turned his head as they entered the building to make sure she was still behind him and smiled broadly when their eyes met. She rolled hers as he turned back around and made his way towards the check in. She knew he loved her. And she knew he loved his family, and that his family loved him. And she definitely knew that she loved him. And the short visit of his mother, Anna and Natalie had gone much better than she had expected. But, as much as he wanted her to believe it, that didn't mean everything was going to automatically be kosher in the Shepherd house. A lot could have happened in the months since she had made progress with any of them. A lot could have changed. Opinions could have drastically changed. The realization that their son/brother was actually serious about his dirty mistress could have set in. Plans could have been enacted. Interventions could be scheduled. Seriously. Interventions could be planned and laid out, just waiting for their arrival.

On a rational level, Meredith knew she was going overboard. She knew the worst that could happen was an awkward weekend where she just didn't fit in. And it wasn't like she had never fit in before. She knew that no matter when happened, she and Derek would still fly home together Sunday afternoon. She knew nothing would change between them. But the irrational side, which was gaining strength and decibels, was screaming that this was a bad idea.

Meredith would be completely out of her element. She didn't know how to do the family thing. She didn't know how to do the holiday thing. She didn't know how to do the kid thing. And she definitely didn't know how to do the cooking Thanksgiving dinner thing. Or the football thing. And, apparently, those were her only options. And she would be stuck. In the big house. With the big family. There would be no familiarity. There would be no home ground advantage. There would be no friends to bail her out, or hospitals to escape to. There would be no where to run. No where to hide.

She sighed as Derek dodged a family who had stopped in the middle of their path, and she followed suit. He turned his head again to check she was still there. And he smiled. Again. She shook her head. The man was far too happy about this. He slowed as the throngs of people began to lighten and waited for her to catch up, immediately reaching out for her hand. He smiled again, his eyes sparkling. And she couldn't help but smile back. His enthusiasm was contagious when he was in close proximity. And she hated him for it. He was cramping her anxious and stormy style.

They reached the desk for their airline and quickly made in through the short business class line. Meredith let Derek do most of the talking as they got their tickets and checked their bags, choosing instead to silently freak out a little longer. She blinked as Derek lifted her bag onto the conveyer belt, where the attendant tagged it. And suddenly it was drifting away from her...

Her heart raced as the small suitcase disappeared through the opening on the wall. It was just... gone. She wouldn't see it again until she was in New York. Her throat was dry. What was she doing? What could possibly have made her think she could handle this? She had been distracted by being glad it was Thanksgiving and not Christmas Derek had chosen for their first visit. But now, actually being in the airport, knowing there was no way out of it, she was unsure. She was unsure and she was freaking out. Christmas would have been worse, but it would have at least given her an extra month to prepare for. She was unprepared now. She was unprepared and she was freaking out. There was a silent voice screaming at her that she couldn't do this, that she'd never be able to make it work, that she just wasn't good enough. And the voice sounded oddly like her mothers.

Derek gave her an odd look as he gently tugged her hand and began to lead her towards the security check. She numbly followed him. The entrance into the secure area was ominous; large, but mostly blocked with only a few small walkways, security guards and airport personnel everywhere. It was only for travellers with tickets. Tickets to get on planes and go places. Travellers who had planned to go somewhere. Travellers who were not currently struggling just to put one foot in front of the other in the fear of collapse if unsuccessful.

But suddenly, they were veering away from the entrance, to a quieter spot on the side. She blinked as Derek slid her carryon off her shoulder and set it on the ground beside his. Then he wrapped his arms around her.

"You're freaking out." It wasn't accusing or disappointing, just a simple statement.

She wanted to respond, wanted to shake her head and smile and say it wasn't true; to convince him she was fine, and normal and capable of doing the family thing for a weekend. She wanted for it to be true. But all she could do was nod and bury her face into his chest as tears welled in her eyes.

"Oh, Meredith." He held her while she clutched the front of his jacket in tight fists and shuddered, trying to get her emotions under control.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she finally managed to vocalize as the ability to control her diaphragm slowly began to return.

"Hey, it's okay. You're okay."

"No, Derek. It's not okay. Okay? I'm not okay. I'm a freak. I've never done the family thing, or the Thanksgiving thing, or any... thing. I don't know what to do or say. And I'm going to screw up. And you're so excited about this. And I'm going to ruin it."

Derek sighed and kissed her on the forehead before tightening his grip around her waist. "You're not a freak."

"But I have no idea what I'm doing here."

"That's allowed. The fact that you're worried is a good thing, Meredith. It means you care."

She scoffed and pulled back to meet his eyes. Hers were still watery, but had yet to overflow. "I'm going to ruin this whole weekend for you. You deserve to see your family. You deserve to be happy."

He smiled the smile she just couldn't resist and tilted his head just the way he did so well. "Meredith," he cupped her cheek. "I _am_ happy. I love you. And my family will love you. I promise you won't ruin the weekend for anyone."

She groaned and buried her face into his chest again. "Derek, just because you love me, doesn't mean your family will."

"Mom already does. And Anna and Nat."

"They don't _love_ me, Derek. They tolerated me for a few days."

He shook his head and forced her away from him so that he could meet her eyes again. "Do you not remember their visit? They loved you, Meredith. They didn't _tolerate _you. They liked you. They liked spending time with you. They like you with me. The first thing mom asked when I told her I was coming for Thanksgiving was whether I was bringing you." He reached a hand to gently brush a stray piece of hair out of her face.

She sniffed, still effectively not crying. "That may have been in hopes that I wasn't coming."

He scoffed. "She likes you, Meredith. She wants you to come. She was impressed by you, don't you remember? She said nice things to you, and about you. She said there was no way you could be a disappointment to anyone."

"She hugged me," Meredith whispered as her heart rate and breathing slowed, still not normal but on their way.

He smiled that smile again. "Yeah, she hugged you. And she only hugs people she likes."

Meredith inhaled a long, shuddery breath. "I'm freaking out," she finally agreed.

He nodded. "You are, but for no reason."

"I feel completely useless," she told him quietly. "I have no idea how to act. I have no idea how to talk to anyone."

He kissed her. "You are not useless. You are absolutely amazing. We've gone over all the family names, and all the expected Thanksgiving stuff. The rest you just have to experience. And I promise you it'll be much easier than you're expecting it to be."

She closed her eyes for several seconds, her hands still clutching his jacket for dear life. "But you're so excited," she finally whispered when she opened her eyes, a single tear now making its way down her cheek. "You're excited and you have expectations, and I'm not going to meet them. And I'm going to ruin your family time. You should be going by yourself. You deserve to see them without having to baby sit me."

Derek tenderly wiped the single tear off her cheek. "Meredith, I would rather spend my Thanksgiving with just you, than my entire family and not you. I am excited about this. And I have expectations to see my sisters and my nieces and nephews because I do miss them, but I don't have expectations on how you should act. I won't be disappointed. You can hole yourself up in the bedroom the whole time if you really want. Or we can always stay at a hotel, that is, if we can get one this late." He kissed her forehead. "And if you're really not ready, we don't have to go. We can stay in Seattle."

She shook her head. "You deserve to be with your family."

"I won't go without you. But I promise there will be no hard feelings if we stay."

He sighed and continued when she failed to speak. "Look, Meredith, last Thanksgiving was hell. I spent the entire day wishing I could spend it with you." He smiled. "I mean, we spent a lot of the day together, but not _together_. And I want to spend Thanksgiving with you. There's no way I'm missing out two years in a row."

Meredith gazed into his honest blue eyes. She believed him. He wanted to see his family; he was at the airport, ticket in hand, bag already checked, but he would turn around and go home with her if that's what she wanted. He would wait for her to be ready. But he looked so freaking hopeful.

"I don't want to disappoint you."

He shook his head. "You won't."

"What if I do something completely stupid?"

He shrugged. "We laugh about it. Plus, there will be lots of alcohol, people probably won't remember."

She actually felt herself laugh at his comment.

"Meredith, you're overreacting, making way too big a deal out of this. There's no special club, or family dynamic thing that you need to know about. The Shepherd family holidays are busy, but not structured. No one expects anything special from you. There's no newcomers initiation you need to look out for. My mom already loves you. Anna and Natalie love you. Kathleen will side with mom, and Nancy will get over herself. And their husbands are all whipped and will take the opinion of their spouse. And the kids will all love you. I'm their favourite uncle, so they'll immediately love you."

"Favourite uncle, huh?" She asked quietly at the proud expression on his face.

He nodded. "I've worked hard since the first one was born. I may have some ground to make up, but even since I moved here I've made sure to send cards and gifts, and call on important days. Mark had always tried to edge me out, but he's been completely out of touch for over a year, so I have the edge."

She couldn't help the smile that came to her face. "I don't know how to act around kids."

"You're great with your patients when they're kids."

"That's different. You smile and reassure, and make a nice comment about their drawings, or toys or whatever."

He smiled. "That's really all there is to it. If they show you something, ooh and ahh over it. For the girls, you compliment their hair, especially if they have colourful clip things. And for the boys, talk about how tall they are. Or, if you're out of ideas, ask about school, what grade their in, who their friends are. And for the older ones, commiserate on how annoying mom and dad are."

"That's all?"

He nodded. "That's all. There's fourteen of them, the only time they really take a time out from playing with their cousins is to go to their parents. You won't see them too much."

"And there won't be any other relatives?"

"My aunt Abby may come over for dinner. She's my dad's sister, but was always really close to my mom. She never had children of her own, and her husband died years ago. So, she usually spends holidays with us."

Meredith nodded. "Just one aunt?"

He nodded. "Everyone else has big families. It'll just be her, and I don't even know if she's coming."

Meredith sighed and finally released Derek's jacket to wrap her arms around his upped torso. She sighed as his arms closed around her frame. "I just wish I could be normal for you."

"I told you before, Mer, if you were normal, you'd be boring. I love you for _you_."

She nodded against him. "Okay. I think I'm ready."

He pulled back and smiled at her. "You sure? Cause I'm serious about not going..."

She shook her head. "No. We're going. I just needed to freak out first, I think." She met his eyes. "You promise it won't be as bad as I think?"

He nodded. "I promise."

"And you'll be there to help me?"

"Absolutely."

She nodded, more to herself than him. "Okay."

"Did you want me to try to get a hotel? It'll give you some space."

She shook her head. "No. That would just make me the girlfriend who couldn't handle staying there. I don't need to start out as being avoidant."

"Okay, but if at any time..." He trailed off, purposely leaving the comment open for her.

"Thank-you."

He smiled and pressed his lips against hers. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"You ready?"

She nodded. "Yeah. As long as you're here, I'm ready."

"Good, cause I'll always be here."

000

They passed through security with almost half an hour to spare until their plane was expected to board.

"Do you want a coffee or something?" Derek asked as they passed a Starbucks on their way to their gate.

Meredith shook her head. "I think it's probably better that I don't have caffeine. It definitely won't help keep the anxiety down."

He laughed and pulled her closer to wrap an arm around her waist as they strolled down the corridor. "Good point."

She sighed and allowed herself to fall into the feeling of being close to him. The utter despair she had suffered from only minutes earlier was settling into a much more tolerable sense of apprehension. Her throat was no longer bone dry, her breathing had calmed, and her heart no longer felt like it was going to leap right through her ribs. She was still worried about the weekend, still nervous, but she was suddenly confident that everything really would be okay. She really had made a good impression on his mother and Anna and Natalie. And Derek had told her his brothers-in-law would take the opinion of their spouse, which gave her at least five supporters; Carol, Natalie and Phil, and Anna and her husband Spencer. And if she also included Derek and Mark, it gave her 7 supporters. And that was pretty good. That was majority, discounting the kids, of course. She was going to be okay. There would be no interventions. There would be no shunning.

They finally neared their gate and paused to glance across the rows of anxiously waiting travellers for a glimpse of Mark and Michelle. However, instead of finding the happy couple, all that awaited them was a dejected plastic surgeon bent over his open laptop.

"Hey, Mark," Derek called as they approached. Meredith chimed in her own greeting.

Mark looked up and greeted with a terse "Hi,' and a nod before turning his attention back to his screen.

Derek glanced questioningly at her and she shrugged, her eyes processing the single, empty laptop bag on the seat next to Mark. There were no other bags or belongings in his proximity. He was definitely not holding the seats while Michelle was off in the bathroom at one of the shops.

"Where's Michelle?" Derek asked lightly.

"Not coming," was all Mark said, barely slowly the incessant typing of his fingers across the keypad.

"Oh," Derek answered, hoping for a further explanation, but none came. "Okay, then. I'm just going to go the bathroom before we have to board."

Meredith nodded and took his bag as he turned and headed back up the hall. She sighed and sat down on the seat next to Mark. He still didn't break his concentration. One glance at the screen told her he was working on a case study.

"Mark," she said gently. "What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Not even with your co-founder?"

He apparently couldn't help the smirk that came to his lips, and he paused, his fingers still, hanging over his keys. "It was apparently too fast for her."

Meredith sighed and laid a supportive hand on his arm. "Maybe that's okay. Seriously, Mark, I had a near nervous break down outside security. Why do you think we were so late?"

He finally turned to look at her. "You don't have to make me feel better, Grey."

"I'm serious. Ask Derek. I was moderately freaking out as we wheeled our suitcases in and got our tickets, but the second my bag disappeared through the wall on the conveyor belt..." she shook her head. "I couldn't breath. I couldn't think. It took Derek twenty minutes or more to calm me down. It's scary, going to meet the family, being on their turf. It's scary, and Derek and I have been together for a lot longer than you and Michelle. And I've met some of them already. Maybe Michelle just needs time."

Mark met her eyes and smiled. "I wish that were true, Grey. But it wasn't that this weekend was too fast for her. Apparently _I_ was going too fast for her. And, apparently I'm not what she wants or needs in her life. So... she dumped me. Last night, she dumped me."

"Oh," was all Meredith could think to say.

"Yeah." He sighed.

She exhaled loudly. "I'm sorry, Mark."

"Me too. I thought-" He abruptly cut himself off and shook his head.

"What?"

He eyed her. "Co-founder confidentiality?"

She laughed and nodded.

"I was just looking forward to showing up to one of the Shepherd family get-togethers, and for once..." He sighed. "I grew up with this family. Like since I was in Kindergarten. I grew up with them. I've been to every wedding. I was there the day every kid was born. They've all grown up, but I feel like I haven't. I had my lifestyle, and they got that, and it was never a problem, but then I crossed a line, and slept with Addy. And I just really wanted for them to see that I was finally growing up, that Addy wasn't just another conquest. That I eventually want to settle down too. But now? Michelle just proved that I'll never be able to compare to them."

Meredith was taken aback. She had never seen this much vulnerability behind Mark confident smirk. "But they're your family."

He sighed heavily. "Yeah, they are my family, just not my _family_. Like your friends are your family. As much as Carol was a mother to me, and Derek was a brother. And Kath and Nance and Nat and Anna are sisters, there will always be that little bit missing."

Meredith nodded. She understood.

He glanced at her expression. "That's why I like you Grey, you get me. We have a lot in common."

"What was your family like?" She asked gently.

He shrugged. "Never really had one. My parents were wealthy; very, very wealthy, multi generation money types. My dad had an affair and then he and his mistress left for Europe. My mom remarried within six months, another family money type. They started a new family." He shrugged. "He had kids from a previous marriage, and they had two more together, but I was never expected to be a part of the family. I was just the extra kid, left over from my mothers past. My step dad hated me. My mom didn't care. I started spending more time with the Shepherds. The last time I saw my mother was when I left for college; when the Shepherd's drove me and Derek to our dorm. She's never tried to contact me."

Meredith offered a small, supportive smile. "What about your dad? Did you ever see him again?"

"He'd take me out to dinner once a year or so, when he was in town. He was more of a here-have-some-more-money parent. I still get a check every year for my birthday, although he always sends it at least a month afterwards. I doubt he remembers the actual date."

Meredith laughed. "At least it's something. My father disappeared when I was five. And the next time I saw him, it was because I looked him up and knocked on his front door. He wouldn't even let me off the front porch. Little did I know he had a new, bright and shiny family behind the door."

Mark shrugged. "But what can you do? You don't choose your parents."

She shook her head in agreement. "No. But you can choose who becomes your family."

"The Shepherds are a good family to join."

"Oh, I meant-"

"I know what you meant, but I'm saying the Shepherds are a good family to join. Carol was really impressed with you. She said she was glad Derek had moved out here; that she hadn't seen him so happy in years. She's glad he found you."

She smiled at his words. Most didn't realize there was a human being in Mark Sloan, but Meredith was one of the few he had let in. "That's good, I guess. I want them to like me. I want this to be easy for Derek."

"You're good for him," Mark commented. "Addy was too... she grew up more like me, with the money. She expected certain things, certain lifestyles. And Derek was content to go along with it, but he wasn't happy. Not like he is now."

"I kind of figured, with the whole trailer thing."

Mark snorted. "I still can't believe he spent a year living in that tin can." He shook his head.

"So, the Shepherds," Meredith prompted, trying to get them back to their original topic. "You feel like you're not a full fledged member?"

Mark stayed silent, but nodded.

"Derek told me you would go home with him at every break in college."

Again, Mark nodded.

"And they would get together to celebrate your birthday, just like everyone else?"

Another silent nod.

She furrowed her brow. "That sure as hell sounds like you're part of the family to me."

He sighed. "I always feel like I'm looking in..."

Meredith shook her head. "Mark, you slept with Addison; Derek's wife. You were effectively the straw that destroyed a Shepherd marriage... okay, maybe not the straw, because I'm pretty sure _I_ was the straw, you were, like, the straw before that or whatever. Point is, you did this horrible thing that a lot of people would find unforgivable. But they still want to see you. You mean so much to this family, that they still want you around. Carol still sees you as a son. The sisters all miss you. Even Derek, the guy who should hate you the most, wants you there. Because they see you as part of the family."

He narrowed his eyes at her, but even that couldn't hide the smile in them. "You should advise yourself, Grey."

"What?"

"You're right. I did a horrible thing, and they still forgave me, are still welcoming me back. And yet, you're terrified of them. There are only five to impress. And you've got three solidly on your side. And you're still terrified? Come on, Grey."

"But... I'm the new one. They didn't know me before."

"Before what?"

Meredith paused, suddenly unsure of her next words. "Before everything that happened this year. I slept with Derek, even though he was married. And I know they know that."

"They know you didn't know he was married."

"Well, I knew he was married when I slept with him at the prom."

"But you were already in love with him."

"So? That's still no excuse. I've had my fair share of one night stands. I was terrified of the relationship thing, so I got by the only way I could, but I never went after a married guy. They were off limits. I was shocked when Addison showed up. Did you know she was the one to tell me? Just walked up to us, and introduced herself as Addison Shepherd. And I was so mad. Because I had always been so freaking careful. And somehow I had let my guard down twice; I had actually let someone in _and_ he was married. But it eventually became acceptable, because they had been separated, and I honestly hadn't had the slightest idea. But I definitely knew what I was doing at the prom."

"I think you're being a little hard on yourself-"

"That is not for you to judge. He was married. I knew it. And we had sex. We had sex in an empty exam room for crying out loud. How does that not scream dirty, freaking, adulterous mistress?"

Mark smirked. "Okay, Grey, seriously. You are being far too hard on yourself. They were long over before prom, hell, they were long over before I slept with Addy. You were in love with him. He was in love with you. That absolves you. You need to forgive yourself. One time does not constitute an affair."

Meredith huffed, but finally sensed the merit in his words. "Have you forgiven yourself?"

Mark sighed. "I don't know."

She nodded. She understood. They really did have a lot in common. She glanced at her watch and sighed. The dirty mistress club was fast running out of time to finish their therapy session. "Look, Mark, I really am sorry about Michelle. But you just can't push these things. One person can't be moving faster than the other. But it's good that you're trying. You just have to find the right person."

He sighed. "I know, at least I think I know. I don't think I exactly saw a picket fence in our future, but I definitely saw an opportunity."

"You'll find someone, Mark. But you can't rush it. And I'm sure the Shepherds will be happy to see you. I doubt they'll judge you for it."

He nodded. "Okay, I'll believe that if you believe that you're not walking into a lion's den. They're good people, and they want Derek to be happy. They definitely won't hate you."

Meredith smiled and nodded. "Okay. Okay, we have a deal."

Mark smirked and held a fist out to her. She laughed and knocked her fist against his. "Deal," he agreed.

He closed his laptop and put it back into its carrying case as Meredith began to glance around for Derek. He was no where in sight. She scowled and turned back to Mark. "So, Derek says the house is about an hour from the airport?"

Mark nodded. "A little less if we get good traffic. It's on the outskirts of the city, so we just get right on the highway from the airport; pretty straight forward."

She nodded. "That's good. That gives me an hour for my final freak out once we land."

Mark laughed. "Hey, no more freaking out. We have a deal."

"I agreed not to expect them to hate me. I never said I wouldn't freak out. That's not something I can control."

He shrugged. "Suit yourself."

She was about to respond when their flight number was called to start boarding. And, as business class travellers, they were being asked to board first. And Derek wasn't back yet. She turned to Mark, who simply shrugged and gathered his bag and jacket.

Meredith followed suit, swinging her shoulder bag up her arm, and hooking Derek own laptop bag over the crook of her elbow. She followed Mark to the line, but knew she couldn't board before Derek returned, as both tickets were tucked into the side pocket of his bag. She pulled them out and glanced around worriedly.

It wasn't until they were almost at the front of the line that a warm presence appeared beside her and the weight of the handle against her forearm lifted.

"Hey," Derek said breathlessly, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "Sorry. I ran into a guy who was in my bio lab in undergrad. Lost track of time. I heard them announce the flight and I ran."

Meredith snorted and shook her head as he pulled his wallet out of his pocket to fish out his ID.

Even Mark laughed. "We were beginning to think it would just be the two of us."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Never. I made a promise to someone that I would be by her side the whole time, and I will." He hooked an arm around her waist and pressed his lips against her cheek. "You good?" He asked quietly, his eyes showing the concern he must have felt when he had realized he had left her alone for so long after her freak out.

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine." And for once, she meant it.

He narrowed his eyes at her expression and she rolled hers. "Seriously, Derek, I really am fine. Good, even." She kissed him for good measure.

"Good," he responded as she passed the attendant their tickets, and then they followed Mark down the tunnel to their plane.

000

After a few hours of drifting between light sleep and groggy awareness, Meredith finally gave up on the concept of sleeping while airborne. She had no fears of flying; she had just never been able to sleep comfortably while doing so. She lifted her head of its resting place on Derek's shoulder and sat up straight, stretching her spine.

Sighing, she settled back against her seat. A glance at her watch told her they were more than half way through the five and a half hour flight. Derek was slumped beside her in the window seat, fast asleep, his head turned towards her. She smiled and gently brushed his bangs off his forehead. It was amazing what she had discovered she could do without waking him. Four months of living with him had been very educational. He claimed he was a light sleeper, but that was apparently only regarding noise. There were few places on his body that contact would actually cause him to awake.

She thought back to her conversation with Mark. It had definitely done wonders to calm her nerves. Mark was right. If they were forgiving him, they should accept her place in Derek's life. And Mark's admittance about the family aspect had made her realize that maybe that was part of her anxiety as well. After Derek's reassurances a few weeks before, Meredith had really come to believe that marriage was definitely something she could handle. And sooner than she had originally believed. She no longer foresaw years being spent getting ready. That made it especially important that she made a good impression on the rest of the Shepherd's this weekend. The next time Derek mentioned the possibility of going back again was spring, for his mother's sixty-fifth birthday. And she didn't need to sit in Seattle for six months and wonder if she would be able to make up for a bad impression.

Glancing at the slumbering man next to her, she was comforted by the fact that she didn't have any doubts. This was the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with. She didn't think anymore; she knew. This was the man she was one day going to marry. This was the man who was open about wanting to marry her. She would be part of his family, and not like she was right now, but part of his actual, legal family. The thought sent chills down her spine. Family. They would be a family. The kid thing was still up in the air. She wasn't sure whether she could handle having kids; whether she could trust herself with the responsibility. But the once completely out of her grasp concept of life-long commitment and marriage was now well in her reach. If he proposed tomorrow, she would definitely say yes. And the thought of starting a family with him was... not completely out of the question. He would be a marvellous father, she had no doubt. And he would be there to help her.

And she knew how important family was to Derek. She knew how much he wanted her to be a part of his. Thus, it was important she fit in. It was important she get over her fears and find a place among his mother and sisters and their families. Because it was important to him. And she loved him. And there wasn't a thing in the world that she wouldn't do for him.

"What're you thinking about?" The soft question drew her out of her thoughts as she blinked and met his eyes, realizing she had been off in her own thoughts, looking towards him, but not seeing him. But he was definitely seeing her.

She smiled. "This weekend. Family. You."

He returned her smiled. "You seem calm."

She nodded. "I am. Mark and I talked while you were gone. I think it helped."

"That's good." He reached out to take her hand. "Is he okay?"

She nodded; glancing across the aisle to ensure the plastic surgeon was still asleep. She was jealous of the ability they both had of sleeping through an entire plane ride. But, as top notch surgeons, both Derek and Mark were called on distant consults a few times a year, often taking the red eye to conserve time. They had to learn how to get their sleep while they could. But she was still envious, having come off a twenty-four hour shift in time to shower and change before heading to the airport.

"Yeah, he's okay. Michelle broke up with him. And he's..." she trailed off, not wanting to say too much of what they had talked about when Mark had asked for confidentiality. "I think he's a little apprehensive about this weekend as well."

Derek nodded. "That makes sense. I'd be nervous if I were him." He shrugged. "But, he's family, so he'll always be welcome."

"That's awfully big of you."

Derek smiled. "What can I say? He was practically a brother to me. We grew up together. And Addison and I were way past the day we should have called it quits." He smiled at her. "And in the end, what he did and when led me to you."

She smiled back, squeezing his hand, and then leaning in to kiss him. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you more."

She laughed and playfully smacked him on the shoulder. "Are we really going to start this again? I thought we agreed I loved you more."

He shook his head. "I never agreed to that."

"Well, then, I thought you said I was always right."

"No, I said you would always be right when we get-" He cut himself off suddenly, his light and playful expression becoming dark and worried.

She raised an eyebrow and laughed. "When we get married?"

He nodded. "Yeah, sorry. I wasn't sure if..." He trailed off. They hadn't talked about marriage again since their late night chat.

"You weren't sure if that was a one time thing?"

He chuckled. "You're being awfully clairvoyant today."

She laughed at his expression and kissed him again. "Let me set the record straight. It wasn't a one time thing. I'm doing okay with the talking and everything, better than okay." She looked him square in the eye. "I don't want you to feel the need to censor yourself around me. Even if some things are still scary, I can handle them. As long as they're with you, I can handle it."

A full fledged McDreamy smile made an appearance. "Okay."

"Okay." She smiled and couldn't stop herself from kissing him for a third time, this time longer.

"You seem much calmer," he commented again when she finally pulled away.

She breathed happily. "Yeah. I'm actually looking on the bright side, hoping for a good outcome. Which means I'll be crushed if everything goes to hell this weekend, but you said it'll be okay, and I believe you. So I'm deciding to go with the flow and make a good impression, and have a good first Thanksgiving."

The McDreamy smile made a second appearance. "Good. And I promise you won't be crushed."

"I know."

He laughed. "I should send you to Mark more often. It's certainly more effective that what I was doing."

The comment was made as a joke, but Meredith could sense the small tinge of unease behind it. "No. You are definitely my go to guy. Mark is just... we have a lot in common. He told me about his family, and I can totally commiserate with the absent parents."

"He told you about his family? Wow, he never talks about them."

She smiled. "Like I said, we have a lot in common. It gives us a certain understanding. He was nervous, and I told him that if they could forgive him and want him there after everything, then he was definitely part of the family. He told me if I could be so sure about their forgiveness towards him, that I should have more faith in their reaction to me."

Derek nodded. "That's true."

She sighed and met his eyes for several seconds. "I..." She trailed off and he squeezed her hand, offering the support and time she needed. "Look, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but Mark made me realize something and I need to tell you that I regret what we did. I hated you for not telling me you were married. I hated that I slept with a married man. But... I get it. You were separated, and in your mind it was over. And that's okay. I'm okay with that now. Really," she said to his look. "It's just... the prom. I-"

He nodded. "I regret it too."

"Really?"

He nodded again. "Absolutely. I never wanted to be that guy. The guy who cheats on his wife, or the guy who forces the woman he loves into that kind of situation."

"Derek-"

"No. You don't get to be sorry. It was my fault. I was so wrapped up in myself and wanting to be close to you, that I didn't see what I was doing to you. I just wanted so much to be with you. And I was so jealous when I saw you actually starting to move on. And that night..." He sighed. "I should never have let that happen. I think it's the thing I regret the most with you. I sunk to her level. I cheated on my wife. And I forced you into something that you were actively avoiding."

"No. You don't get to take all the blame. It took two to do what we did. Half of the fault is rightfully mine."

"If I had never lied to you, or forced you into that friendship-"

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. At that moment, I knew you were married. I was sober and completely in love with you, but I knew you were married."

He sighed and nodded. "And I was sober and knew I was married."

"And we let it happen."

He nodded. It was the first time they had ever discussed their actions that night.

"It didn't change anything," Derek finally spoke up. "It was only a matter of time before I gave up pretending to try with Addison and landed on my knees on your doorstop, begging for you to take me back."

Meredith laughed at the visual. "That would have been something to see."

"It's what you deserved. You deserved a thousand apologies. And flowers and chocolates and absolutely anything else you wanted."

She smiled as tears came to her eyes. "All I wanted was you."

He nodded as his eyes also welled. He dropped her hand and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close and pressing his lips against the top of her head. "It should have been magical, when we finally got back together. It should have been gradual; I should have taken my time getting you to trust me again. There should have been dinners, and dates, and walks in the park. There should not have been a bitter ex-wife and hospital gossip and staring and controversy."

"Thank-you," Meredith whispered against his shoulder as she felt two tears slide over her lower lids.

"I feel like it will always mar the beginning of our relationship."

"Mark told me I needed to forgive myself, and I think he's got a point. We've forgiven each other, but we still need to forgive ourselves."

"How do we do that?"

"I don't know. It's weird, because I know you've forgiven me, and I know I've forgiven you. But, there's still that little part of me that won't let it go."

"I know exactly what you mean."

"You cheated on your wife. I was the other woman." She had no idea why it was suddenly so important to be talking about, but she wasn't about to hold back. She lowered her voice and continued. "I met your eyes across the floor, and it was so wrong. You were dancing with your wife. And I was with Finn, and he had literally just finished telling me he had plans. And I met your eyes, and I just knew what was going to happen. It was like I had a flash or something. I left and raced down the hall, but I knew you were following me before I could hear you. And you followed me into that exam room, and all of the things I was yelling at you meant nothing, because I knew I loved you. And I knew what was about to happen. And I knew that I wasn't going to stop it."

Derek nodded. "I knew too. I followed you, I couldn't help myself. I still couldn't believe what I had said to you. And I couldn't stand that you were in pain and it was all my fault... again." He sighed. "And you were in pain and you were yelling, and I have to admit, I don't think I processed half of your words. And then I just couldn't stand it anymore. And the moment you were in my arms again I knew there was no going back. It was like I had this horrendous headache from the moment I agreed to give it another try with Addison, and the second I kissed you it just disappeared."

She sighed as he trailed off. "Me too. But it was still wrong."

"Yes, it was."

"Would we feel less guilty if you had left Addison first?"

He paused. "I don't know. But there was definitely no guilt free way out of the situation, which, of course was my fault."

"Derek, even if you had signed the papers the first time, there still would have been guilt. You would have left your wife. I would have felt guilty about that too."

"But it was still my fault for putting you in that situation."

She raised her head off his shoulder and shrugged. "The only way you could have not put me in that situation was to never have come to Seattle. And that's definitely not something I wished had happened."

"Me neither."

"So, maybe there just wasn't a way to get from there to here without the guilt. Maybe it's just something we have to live with."

"I think you're right," he agreed.

"Of course I am; I'm always right."

He scoffed, but laughed anyway. "Not yet you're not."

"But I will be one day." And the meaning of her words was definitely not lost on either party.

_**AN: Okay, so I very rarely plan things before I write them, but I was trying to loosely map out the days of their thanksgiving trip, and I need some **__**help!**__** I am Canadian, and celebrate Thanksgiving on a Monday. I know American Thanksgiving is on Thursday, but I need to know what a typical thanksgiving weekend is like in the US. **__**Football on Thursday?**____**Only Thursday?**__** Anything else special I should know about for Thanksgiving **__**day**__** or the rest of the weekend? And is Friday a holiday, like a day off work? Thanks ahead of time for your **__**input,**__** I can't finish the next chapter till I know some things.**_

_**AN2: With regards to Michelle... **__**lol**__**, I think **__**it's**__** funny how many people seriously did not like her. She was supposed to not be liked, but not exactly disliked**__**, so that she could disappear relatively easily**__**. But even as I was writing her, I found it hard not to make her more a**__**nnoying; I actually kept erasing things. It's like she was just not meant to be liked at all. **__**Anyway, she was never supposed to go to New York, but the concept of her was important to produce this chapter. She was always just Mark'**__**s rebound, and in my head**____**the type of girl someone like Mark would go for when he was hurt and trying to find a relationship, though I'm not Mark, nor am I a guy, so I'm just guessing here. **__**Lol**______**He'**__**ll get a real girlfriend**__** eventually... I have a loose picture in my head of who it should be.**___


	40. It's been a long time

**AN: A big shout out to everyone who filled me in on Thanksgiving, thanks a bunch. It was funny, as I was writing for a character ****who**** had never done the Thanksgiving thing, and suddenly I realized I didn't know what I was writing, it was like, hey, I'm Meredith. ****Lol**** This chapter was already written, so it won't be affected by your feedback, but the rest of the weekend will. I already have most of the family stuff planned, but the external events you filled me in on are important.**

**OH, and to the anonymous reviewer who**** wrote** **'****I'm glad Michelle is history, Mark is too good for her. Did I just say that?****' ...**** I freaking love you. I laughed so hard I was in tears at the thought of being surprised to be thinking Mark was too good for someone.**

Derek expertly manoeuvred the rental car up the familiar driveway towards the large house his parents had built when they had first been married. Although the house was impressive, and sat on a good chunk of land, his family had never been overly wealthy, even though their address was in the neighbourhood of a number of gated communities. His father had inherited the land when he was young, and as soon as he married Carol Maloney, had set about building them a home to build a family in. The thought made him smile. And one glance in his rear view mirror to the woman fast asleep in the back seat reminded him of the beautiful land in Seattle, and the promise of one day building them a house to build a home in. Even though he had very few concrete memories left of his father, he still had a solid picture in his mind of what the man had been like, and he hoped that somewhere, somehow, he would be proud of Derek. He would be proud his only son was following in his footsteps.

Derek reached the house and parked the car beside Kathleen's SUV. She was the only other sibling who was expected to arrive that day, as she owned her own practice and could easily give herself the time off. The rest weren't as lucky. Nancy and Natalie would come in the following morning or early afternoon, and Anna, working in a hospital, would make it after her shift late the next evening. But it would ensure the whole family would be together to wake up Thanksgiving morning.

He took off his seat belt, but paused before moving to exit the car. Mark did the same beside him. There was silence as the two men surveyed the house that held so many memories for the both of them.

"It's been a long time," Derek commented.

Mark nodded. "Yes it has."

He sighed heavily, trying to conjure the memory of the last time he had been home. He had left for Seattle in June, so probably the previous Christmas, though he couldn't be sure. That was still almost two years. He couldn't help the sudden wave of homesickness wash over him, which was especially disconcerting seeing as he was only steps away from the front door; if he would only get out of the car.

The light came on in the front hall and the door swung open, revealing a small child who was definitely nowhere near as small as she had been the last time he saw her. Derek smiled and stepped out of the car.

"Uncle Derek!" She screamed as she ran down the steps and across the walkway, barely slowing as she flung herself into his arms.

"Little Stephanie!" He exclaimed, hugging her tight. She wrapped her legs firmly around his lower torso and he let her lean back against his arms. "Look at you! You must be a foot taller!"

She nodded emphatically, and Derek caught his sister wandering towards them. "I am taller, Uncle Derek. I'm eight now!" She told him proudly.

He smiled. "Did you get my birthday present?" Her birthday had only been a week earlier, but Derek, unwilling to risk his place as number one, had sent the present by courier instead of waiting the extra week to deliver it in person.

She nodded. "Yup. I loved it!"

"I knew you would." No matter how embarrassing it had been scavenging every toy store in town for the new Barbie, or putting up with Meredith's laughter when he finally found it, it was worth it to see her face.

"Hi, stranger," Kathleen greeted him, a wide smile on her face. "It's been too long." She pulled him into a tight hug, her daughter laughing as she got caught between her mother and her uncle.

"I missed you, Kath," he told her as he kissed her cheek. She released her hold and he followed her as she wandered around the car as Mark was opening the back seat, where Meredith was still, apparently, fast asleep. She hadn't been able to take any more time off, and they had planned to fly in on the Wednesday, but there had been absolutely no flights available, so they had been forced to book a late morning flight on the Tuesday, which had only given her enough time to get home after a twenty-four hour shift, shower and change. It was why he and Mark had decided to travel separately to the airport, in case Meredith hadn't gotten off in time. And even though she couldn't sleep well in a plane, she could definitely sleep in a car. She had immediately passed on Mark's offer of the passenger seat, claiming she was just going to curl up and sleep. And she had. And evidently, still was.

With Stephanie still in his arms, Derek watched Mark say something, and then stick a hand in to shake her shoulder. He laughed and turned to Derek and Kathleen when there was no response. "Come on, Grey," he stated as he ducked his head into the doorway. Another strong shake, and there was movement.

"Are we there?" Meredith's groggy voice filtered out to Derek. She stepped out of the car, and Mark caught her elbow as she stumbled slightly.

"H-hi," she offered when she caught sight of Kathleen, her eyes wide in surprise.

"Hello," Kathleen offered brightly as she stepped forward to offer Meredith her hand. "You must be Mark's girlfriend?"

Before Meredith or Derek could correct her, Mark went into action. He not only let go of Meredith's elbow, he actually pushed her away from him, himself stepping to the side. "No. No. Absolutely not!" Meredith stumbled again, but caught herself on the car door. "I'm not touching this one with a fifty foot stick."

Derek snorted as Mark's worried eyes met, and then quickly avoided, his.

"Hundred foot stick," Mark corrected himself. "I am not touching this one with a hundred foot stick."

"Mark-" Derek tried to intervene, but it was no use. The plastic surgeon was stepping even further away from Meredith.

"One hundred and fifty foot stick!" Mark exclaimed.

Derek laughed at his wild expression, and Meredith's amused one. And even though he could only see the back of his sister's head, he knew she would be laughing to. "Steph, why don't you go say hi to your uncle Mark?" He gently set the small girl down and she ran towards Mark, completely unaware of the meaning behind his odd behaviour.

"Uncle Mark!" She called out, running towards him, just as she had Derek only minutes earlier. Mark was a little slower on the uptake, though. She crashed into his legs, effectively breaking him out of his trance. He shook his head and scooped her into his arms.

"How's my favourite niece?"

"Uncle Mark, we're all your favourite nieces," she chastised gently.

"Did you have a good birthday?" He asked. "Did you get my present?"

She nodded. "It was my second favourite. Not as good as Uncle Derek's."

Derek smirked as he stepped forward and wrapped a loose arm around Meredith's waist, turning them both to face his sister. "Mer, this is my sister, Kathleen. Kath, this is Meredith."

Kathleen laughed. "I figured from Mark's reaction." She stuck her hand out. "Let's try this again."

Meredith smiled and shook her hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too," she said easily. "Though, I'm disappointed I'm the last to do so. I would have come out with mom in the summer, but I couldn't get someone to cover all my patients. I'll try to make it out some time next year."

Derek rolled his eyes. "You just want to see the trailer."

She smiled brightly. "You know me well, baby brother." Even Meredith laughed.

"So, what have you been feeding this thing?" Mark asked as he finally stepped back towards the group, still taking caution of staying far away from Meredith.

"I know, she's getting huge! She's not my baby anymore." There was a touch of sadness in her eyes. She had married her college boyfriend, Simon, and had given birth to the first grandchild, Andrew; which had given Derek hope for the next generation. However, Andrew was now thirteen. And had three younger sisters; Caitlyn, Stephanie and Megan. And Nancy, barely a year younger then her older sister, had followed suit with three girls of her own. To say Derek was disheartened was an understatement.

"Uncle Mark, why weren't you going to touch her with a stick?" Stephanie asked, innocently in a way only a child could. She pointed towards Meredith.

"Uh," Mark froze. "I'll tell you when you're eighteen."

Stephanie giggled as Mark set her back down. She stepped to the side and leaned against her mother's legs, staring up at the new face. "Hi," she said quietly, suddenly shy.

Derek felt Meredith tense slightly as she bit her lip. But then, she surprised him. She pulled away from his familiar arm and crouched down to be eye level with Stephanie. "Hi, I'm Meredith."

"Are you my Uncle Derek's new girlfriend?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, I am." She paused for several seconds. "I really like your hair clip. It's really pretty." She motioned towards the colourful clip in the young girl's dark hair. It was pink, with a large, colourful flower glued to the top.

Stephanie lit up. "Thank-you. I got it for my birthday. It came in a set. Do you want to see the rest?" She grabbed Meredith's hand without waiting for a response and began dragging her towards the front door.

Derek felt a swell of gratitude towards his young niece, and laughed as Meredith glanced back, a confused but not unhappy expression on her face as she struggled to keep up with the excited eight year old. Kathleen helped him and Mark grab the bags out of the trunk of the car, and they caught up to Meredith in the front hall. She had taken her shoes off, but was standing quietly, still, waiting for something to happen.

Derek set the suitcase down beside him and grabbed her hand. "Did she ditch you?"

Meredith turned to him, only somewhat wide eyed and shrugged. "She said she'd be right back. I think she went to get them."

Derek smirked and leaned in to kiss her quickly. "I guess you weren't fast enough for her."

Meredith laughed. "Evidently not."

"Here they are!" Stephanie called as she ran into the front hall, a shorter clone of herself following closely on her heels.

Meredith took the package from Stephanie's small hands and was forced to crouch down again, as she now had two kids staring intently at her. "They're all very nice, but I think I like the one you're wearing the best."

Stephanie nodded. "Me too. It's my favourite."

"Stephie said I could wear one on Thans-givin," the younger clone spoke up. She was in her pyjamas, a stuffed dog tucked securely under her arm.

"That's very nice of her. You must be her sister."

She nodded. "I'm Megan."

"And how old are you, Megan?"

"Six."

"Okay, girls, I said you could stay up until your uncles got here. Say goodnight, cause it's time for bed." There was only minor complaining as Kathleen rounded up her two youngest and followed them through the hallway, leaving Meredith, Derek and Mark alone.

"Well, I've had to go to the bathroom since we landed," Mark stated and wandered down the hall to their right and into a door on the side.

Derek wrapped both arms around Meredith, breathing in deeply as she welcomed the embrace, her arms finding their way around his torso. "You doing okay?" He asked, somewhat concerned that she hadn't had a last chance to prepare herself, having woken up with new family members in close proximity.

She nodded against his chest and pulled her head away to meet his gaze. Her eyes were sparkling. "I interacted with short people."

He laughed. "You did very well. They definitely love you, but why wouldn't they?"

She giggled. "Kathleen seems really nice."

Derek nodded. "She is. She's technically the oldest, but she and Nancy are so close in age that it was more of a shared thing. And she was the nicer one."

Meredith laughed. "They couldn't have been that bad."

"They were horrible! Four, Meredith. Four sisters. Why couldn't just one of them have been a brother?"

"Derek," Carol's voice gently chastised as she appeared in the doorway to their left. "Don't tell me you're complaining about your sisters again."

Derek laughed and pulled away from Meredith to hug his mother. "Again? Mom, I've never stopped."

"We got you a dog," she offered as she hugged him tightly.

Derek scoffed. "Yeah, and even the dog was a girl."

"Well, we though it was a boy." Derek's parent had brought him home a puppy when he was six. But Rover's name had quickly been changed to Nala when the puppy had begun growing and the realization hit that she was female.

"It's the thought that counts, Derek," Carol told him as she finally released him and turned to Meredith.

"It's nice to see you again, dear." She gave Meredith a quick welcoming hug.

"You, too, Mrs. Shepherd."

"Meredith, how many times do I have to tell you? Call me Carol."

Meredith smiled and nodded.

"And what have you done with Mark? And his new girlfriend?"

"Uh, Mark's just in the bathroom. And Michelle... isn't here." Derek answered, trying to motion that it was a sensitive subject, as he heard footsteps from the hall behind him.

"Oh," Carol said before smiling and turning to greet her surrogate son.

"Mark, it's good to see you."

"You too, Carol," Mark responded as she hugged him too.

"Well," Carol stood back, surveying the weary travellers. "I have dinner keeping warm in the oven. Are you kids hungry?"

The answer was a unanimous yes.

"Why don't you just leave your bags here for now, you must be starving."

Carol led the way, with Mark right behind her. Derek smiled at Meredith and reached for her hand as they travelled through the doorway, and into the large living room. The front door was well to the right of the center of the house, the other thing to its right being the garage, laundry room, bathroom and stairs, which were all down the hall Mark had gone down. The large front foyer led to the left into a large living room, and through it the dinning room, which was placed at the back of the house. To the front was an opening into a dark hallway. To the right of the living room, right along side the dining was the kitchen, which jutted out from the back of the house.

"Wow," Meredith commented as they wandered through the living room towards the kitchen. "This is really nice."

Derek nodded. "Mom and Dad designed it well. There are a bedroom and a small den and office through there," he pointed to the hallway across the room near the front of the house. "There's also stairs to the top floor and the basement at both ends of the house, one through there, and one back near the front hall. Most of the bedrooms are upstairs. Nancy has the room on the ground floor, and Mark used to sleep upstairs, but took over a basement room when the number of children started adding up, so that his room could be used to stash the younger kids. The older kids sleep downstairs. There are three bedrooms and a second living room and big play area down there."

"It must have been great growing up here."

Derek smiled as she glanced appreciatively around the kitchen as he led her towards the large table, which was situated in a bulging half circle jutting out from the back of the house. "It was, other than the sisters, of course."

She smiled and met his eyes, and for a second, they had an understanding. She knew his parents had designed the house. And she knew he wanted to do the same with her. She squeezed his hand.

There were already plates on the table, and Carol quickly set a warm pot down in the center. "I made lasagne, figured it was a good dish to sit and keep warm.

"It's great, mom. Thanks."

Carol smiled and pulled a salad bowl out and a bottle of wine out of the fridge.

They made quick work of serving themselves, and Carol sat herself down to join them.

"Okay, I finally got them down," Kathleen called as she entered the kitchen. "They were so excited you two were here." She smiled as she plopped herself down beside her mother. "Oh, and I tried to wake Simon, but he mumbled something that may have been 'tell them I'll see them in the morning,' but I can't be sure." She rolled her eyes. "He and Kaitlyn were at a skating competition all weekend, and only got home in time to drive here." She turned to Meredith. "Kaitlyn is my oldest girl. She's almost eleven and going through a stage where she plans to be the next American skating sensation."

Meredith laughed. "At least she has a goal. How did she do in the competition?"

"She was third." Kathleen shrugged. "I wish I could have been there, too, but I just couldn't ditch my practice twice in one week."

"I remember when you were skating," Carol spoke, her eyes glistening as she recalled the memories of her very grown up children's early years.

Kathleen laughed. "Mom, I sucked."

"Yes, honey, but you didn't know that."

Derek snorted. "I remember being dragged to so many competitions with you and Nance."

Mark nodded. "And if I remember correctly, she tried to train you to be her pairs partner, because she was doing as well as she wanted in the singles."

Kathleen rolled her eyes. "I thought I was good. I couldn't figure out why I always came in last."

"But you were enthusiastic, and that was all that mattered."

"Yeah, so enthusiastic that you tried to teach Nala how to skate," Mark added.

Derek laughed and turned to Meredith. "She and Nancy were so gung ho about skating that one year dad made a skating rink in the back yard, and found Kathleen and Nancy trying to strap skates to Nala's feet."

Meredith laughed.

"That poor dog," Mark said. "She took so much from them, and never complained. They dressed her up, cut her hair, made her a beauty pageant contestant once..."

"Nala should have had a friend, you know, another dog," Derek added. "A boy dog."

Carol clucked her tongue. "Honestly, Derek, do you really need to bring that up again?"

"You promised me a boy dog," he said with a smile. This was an argument he had been having with his mother since he was seven.

"And we thought we had gotten you one."

"Why couldn't we have gotten another dog?"

"Derek, with five children, it was hard enough to care for one."

Derek huffed. "Still..."

Carol smiled. "Honey, you're all grown up now, why don't you get a dog?"

"I had a dog," he said before he thought about it.

"When did you have a dog?" Mark asked.

"Well," he glanced at Meredith. "We kind of had a dog."

"Again, I'm forced to ask when?" Mark added. It hadn't been long that Derek was in Seattle without him.

"Before you moved to Seattle."

"And, what, you ditched it?"

"He died." Meredith spoke up. "He had cancer, and it metastasized to his brain. We had to put him down."

"Oh," Mark said, but he narrowed his eyes. "How did you two have a dog before I moved to Seattle?"

Derek understood where he was coming from. He and Meredith hadn't even been back together yet when Mark had shown up at Seattle Grace with a contract. He was about to explain when Meredith surprised him.

"Well, he started out as my dog. Izzy and George, my roommates," she told Carol and Kathleen, "And I, we got him from the pound. But after a few weeks we just couldn't care for him anymore. We were all interns, so we weren't home enough. So, Derek and... Addison were nice enough to take him."

There was an awkward silence as everyone processed the fact that the new girlfriend had just spoken the name of the ex-wife. Derek placed a reassuring hand on Meredith's knee.

"What was his name?" Kathleen asked, effectively breaking the silence.

"Doc," Meredith answered before he could. He smiled in fond memory of the dog.

Kathleen snorted. "Doc? Very original."

Meredith laughed. "Well, three surgeons living under one roof..." She shrugged. "It just kind of fit."

Carol smiled. "It sounds like a very fitting name for a surgeon's dog."

Derek nodded his agreement. "He was a good dog."

"I'm sorry you had to put him down," his mother said quietly.

Derek squeezed Meredith's hand. "Me too, but at least we had some time with him." She squeezed his hand back, and Derek smiled softly at her. When the she had admitted to her experience during the hours she had been clinically dead, she had told him that Doc had been her lifeline, and it made Derek infinitely grateful.

"So, have you got Stephanie skating as well now?" Mark asked, choosing to go back to a proven topic when the atmosphere around the table was suddenly tense.

Kathleen nodded. "Of course, anything Kaitlyn does, Stephanie can do. And Megan, though Megan isn't at all competitive. She's just happy to be out there, doing what her big sisters do."

"I bet she's already better than you were."

Kathleen glared at her brother. "I wasn't that bad."

"No, you just weren't good." Mark added.

She scoffed. "Whatever. I was good at other things, like soccer. I kicked both of your asses in soccer."

"You were at least a foot taller than us. We couldn't keep up! Especially when you'd knock us over and then run with the ball."

"Oh, don't give me excuses." Kathleen rolled her eyes and turned to Meredith. "Did you ever skate?"

"Uh... I think maybe once when I was four..." She shrugged. "I'm pretty sure I remember falling. And I'm certain I remember it hurt."

Kathleen laughed. "What else did you do growing up?"

"Well, my mom put me in a lot of stuff, swimming, dance, a couple sports. None of it stuck. I quit it all as soon as I was old enough to stay home by myself."

"Was she a little ambitious trying to find you a hobby?"

Meredith shrugged. "She was more looking to unload me for as many evening as she could."

"I'm sure that's not true," Kathleen said with a gently smile, missing her brother's subtle look to not push the issue.

"No, it's definitely true. She wasn't exactly maternal." Meredith shrugged noncommittally.

"Oh," Kathleen was slightly taken aback by her answer, but more by her simple honesty than anything else. "Well, what about your father?"

Derek wanted more than anything to intervene; to keep the subject far away from Meredith's family, to shield her from any negative thoughts for the entire weekend, but she seemed to be doing okay right now, and he knew she wouldn't want him to make a scene.

Meredith shook her head. "He wasn't around. My parents divorced when I was five. My mom and I moved to Boston and I didn't see him again until this year." Again, she shrugged.

"Oh," Kathleen said. "And, are you two talking now?"

"No, definitely not." She shook her head with a sudden flash of emotion.

"That's too bad. Are you trying to get to know him at all?"

"No. He doesn't want anything to do with me anymore." Derek reached a hand out to supportively squeeze her hand. She was still doing okay with the subject matter, and he was in awe that she was so comfortable so fast talking with his sister, although his sister was a shrink, so she did this for a living. She had originally planned to go into internal medicine, but her easy nature and welcoming persona had caused more than one supervisor during her fourth year rotations to strongly suggest she change her goal.

"Anymore?" She prompted gently.

Meredith sighed and squeezed Derek's hand, taking support from his love. "We were, kind of, working on getting to know each other, trying to have some sort of relationship. And he was married. Her name was Susan, and she was really amazing. She really helped the process. But she..." Meredith trailed off and swallowed. "She died. She came into the hospital for a really simple procedure. And she got sick... and there was just nothing anyone could do."

"I'm so sorry."

Meredith pulled her lower lip between her teeth and nodded. "Thanks." She was still for several seconds and then she squeezed her eyes shut and breathed. Derek sighed and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close and leaning his head into hers.

"It's okay," he whispered comfortingly. She nodded and stayed where she was for several moments before she sat up.

"I'm sorry," she spoke quietly, wiping her face, even though she hadn't let any tears fall. Her complexion was flushed, and all Derek wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and never let go. He had promised her a happy weekend with positive memories, and already things were falling apart. "I'm sorry," she repeated.

"There's absolutely no problem, Meredith. I've lost a parent as well. It's a horrible experience."

Meredith smiled a weak smile. "Yeah. It was... horrible." She agreed. "Susan and my mom, and one of my best friend's dad. All in the same, what," she turned to Derek, "Two months?"

Derek nodded. "Not even."

Kathleen sighed. "Three? All at once? I can't even imagine what that must have been like."

Meredith nodded, but all Derek could think was three. Not four. And he wouldn't have traded all three for the fourth.

Carol smiled. "Now I understand what you meant when you told us things had been hectic, Derek." She said, referring to his excuses during their visit in the summer, and obviously trying to lighten the mood and prevent her daughter from diving right into a therapy session that was just second nature to her, leaving a number of psychiatrists and clinical psychologists envious.

Derek smiled back. "You have no idea," he said, keeping his voice light. "So," he said, changing the subject. "When are Nancy and Nat expected tomorrow?"

"Oh, I didn't realize you hadn't heard. Nat isn't going to make it. Phil's mother isn't doing too well, so they decided to take the children there instead." _In case it's their last Thanksgiving_ The words were unspoken, but not unheard. Derek knew his sister's mother-in-law had been sick for several years, in and out of remission.

"That's too bad. How is Phil taking it?"

Carol shrugged. "As well as can be expected, I guess. But you know his family... it will hit them all hard."

Derek nodded. Phil was the only brother-in-law to boast a larger family than the Shepherd's. He was the middle of nine children, all who now had growing families of their own. At the last Derek had heard, his parents had more than thirty grandkids. Phil and Nat had been a match made in heaven, and already had five children, the youngest being almost two, so they may not be finished.

"Anyway, they won't be making it this year. But Nancy said they were leaving around ten, so they should be here in time for lunch. And Anna, of course, won't be here until late."

"At least she'll get here before Thanksgiving."

Carol nodded. "At least. You three are sure lucky to be able to get so much time off for the weekend."

Derek nodded. "Well, we both worked it last year."

"And I'm not exactly necessary." Mark shrugged. As an Attending level plastic surgeon, most of his surgeries were scheduled. There were rarely cases that couldn't wait for a few days, or that a resident couldn't handle.

There were footsteps in the living room and Derek turned his head in time to catch sight of Kathleen's oldest two children entering the kitchen.

"Uncle Derek!" Kaitlyn called as she hurried towards him.

"Katie, look at you. You're growing up so fast!"

She smiled as he pulled her onto his lap and gave her a hug. "I missed you, Uncle Derek."

"I missed you too. You mom tells me you were at a skating competition last weekend?"

She nodded. "I came third, which was really good, because I almost fell."

"That is good," he agreed.

"Hey, Uncle Derek," Andrew greeted after he had said a quick hello to Mark. He came around the table and shook Derek's hand.

"Hello, Andrew, it looks like you're finally getting that growth spurt." He clapped him on the back.

He nodded happily and set himself down in a free chair beside Carol. "Finally." His eyes flickered towards Meredith and then back to his uncle. The teenager was one of the few from the third generation who actually had some understanding of what was going on. To the younger children, Addison would be a distant memory, if that, in no time at all. They had seen her so infrequently that she had never made a solid impression in their minds. And having their Uncle Mark around was great, but they wouldn't have missed him for long if he stopped showing up. But Andrew knew he had lost his Aunt Addy, and he knew enough to know why.

Derek offered his nephew a gentle smile. He had always felt a sense of camaraderie with the boy. They both knew what it was like to grow up in a family of only sisters. "Andrew, this is Meredith. Meredith, that's my oldest nephew, Andrew. And this is his sister Kaitlyn," he motioned towards the young girl on his lap who evidently wasn't making any move to get her own chair.

"Hi," Meredith greeted him, as Kaitlyn turned on Derek's lap to face the newcomer.

"Hi!" She said brightly.

Meredith smiled and offered her a greeting as well.

"I was wondering if your parents had forgotten you. What have you been up to?" Derek asked.

"We were watching a movie," Kaitlyn explained.

"And you couldn't pause it for two minutes?" Mark asked with a joking glare.

Kaitlyn laughed. "No. It was good."

"And more important than saying hello to the uncles you haven't seen in over a year?"

Kaitlyn just laughed and nodded her head. Mark smirked and turned a joking glance to Andrew.

Andrew, however, was in no mood for joking and simply glared back. "We all have our priorities."

Derek frowned at his tone. This definitely wasn't the nephew he remembered.

"Andrew, I was only joking," Mark said, but the boy wouldn't look at him. "Andrew," he called again.

"What, Mark?"

"Andrew," Kathleen chastised. "Don't speak that way to your uncle."

He muttered something under his breath.

"What was that?"

"He's not my uncle."

An uncomfortable silence fell over the table.

"Andrew..." His mother spoke quietly.

"What? He's not." He glanced quickly at Derek and then back to his mother.

"He's your uncle, Andrew. He was there the day you were born."

"So?" He glanced at Derek again.

"Andrew, what's the matter?" Derek asked. Andrew glanced back at him and met his eyes for several seconds, looking as if he was going to say something. Instead he shook his head, glancing at Mark, and then to his mother, before meeting Derek's eyes again. "Nothing. He's just not actually my uncle, that's all." He stood up quickly. "I'm tired, I'm going to bed."

"Okay, honey," Kathleen said, an odd expression on her face. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight mom, Grandma." He glanced across the table. "Night Uncle Derek, Meredith, Katie." Then he looked over at Mark. "Night, Mark."

There was silence as he left the room.

"I'm sorry, Mark," Kathleen said with a sigh. "He's tired and going through an odd stage..."

Mark shook his head and offered her a nonchalant shrug, but it was obvious he had been affected.

"What's wrong with Andrew?" Kaitlyn asked.

"He's just in a mood honey," her mother told her.

Kaitlyn giggled. "Why wouldn't Uncle Mark be an uncle?" No one seemed quite sure how to answer when Mark spoke up.

"Because, technically your uncle should be your mom or dad's brother. And I've known your mom and your aunts and your uncle for my entire life, but I'm not actually related."

"But he's as good as," Derek added quickly. He purposely avoided Mark's eyes as Kaitlyn turned on his lap to face him.

She gave him a confused look and then shrugged, as if to say _I don't even see the issue here. _Derek smiled at her. Children could be wonderfully naive, and he loved them for it. "Why don't you go give your Uncle Mark a hug?"

She smiled and slipped off his lap to head around the table and pulled herself into Mark's lap. "Andrew is weird," she stated.

Derek smiled at the thankful expression on Mark's face. Meredith reached for his hand again.

"Well," Kathleen said suddenly, breaking her gaze at her brother. "It's well past time you went to bed, missy." She motioned for Kaitlyn to say goodnight.

Kaitlyn sighed heavily, but did as she was told. "Goodnight, Uncle Mark." She hugged him again and jumped off his lap. She said a quick goodnight to everyone else and followed Kathleen out of the kitchen.

"I'm, uh, going to go to bed, too," Mark announced. He said a quick goodnight and headed towards the front hall for his suitcase, leaving Derek alone with his mother and his girlfriend.

"I'm proud of you, Derek," Carol called when Mark was out of earshot. "What you're doing here... no one would blame you if you had simply cut ties. But you've stepped up, and I've never been prouder."

Derek was somewhat taken aback by her words and gently shook his head. "Mom, it's like I said. He's as good as my brother. It just took me some time to realize that."

"Well, I'm glad you did." Carol yawned. "I think I'm off to bed too. Are you two kids staying up?"

Derek glanced at Meredith's tired face and shook his head. "No, it's been a long day." They helped Carol clean up the kitchen, said their goodnights and headed for bed.

000

Derek shuffled the suitcases along the hallway to the end and stopped to push open the door and motion for Meredith to enter first. She rolled her eyes at him, a gentle smile on her face, as she passed him, carrying only her shoulder bag and his laptop. He had not allowed her to carry her own suitcase up the stairs and she had made fun of him for being melodramatically gentlemanly. Apparently opening doors and allowing her to go through first fit along in the same category.

He flicked the light switch as he followed her through the doorway, effectively lighting up the room he hadn't set foot in for almost two years. Although it was the room he had grown up in, once he had moved out for good, the majority of the furniture had been replaced so that it could be used as a guestroom, and so that he would have a more adult room to stay in when he visited. The desk he had used for his high school homework was still present. But the twin bed had been replaced with a queen bed, boasting matching nightstands. And his old, small dresser set had been updated. And a small arm chair had been added to the corner by the window. However, the walls were still the same light shade of blue it had been since he was twelve. And many of his old knickknacks still remained, including his little league photo, his soccer trophy and small stuffed bear his grandmother had given him the day he was born. He smiled at the familiarity of the room, and his eyes caught on the three graduation photos lined up above the dresser; elementary school, high school and college. His mother kept all of their med school photos framed and up in the living room; she had originally tried to have them all, but once all of her children began amassing more diplomas than she had expected, and were marrying, which added more photos for Carol to be proud of, she had taken to putting their earlier ones in their rooms. He froze suddenly as he wondered whether there were ten or eleven framed photos hanging up on the graduation wall downstairs. He hadn't noticed when he had passed it. His throat went dry as the realization crashed into him that his wedding photo had also been hanging up in the living room. He spun his head around towards the space on his bedroom wall that had once boasted a photo of him and Addison, and he was relieved to see an old family picture hanging in its spot. His mother must have been way ahead of him. He sighed in relief as he realized she had most likely removed their wedding photo from the living room, along with Addison's graduation picture, that had once hung between his and Mark's.

"Wow," Meredith said appreciatively. "This is huge. You actually grew up in here?" She dropped the two bags in her possession onto the bed and turned around to admire the room.

Derek smiled and stepped into her space, his hands finding her hips. "Most of the furniture is new."

"Still. So much space. And..." She paused as she surveyed the half open door across the room. "An on suite bathroom? Seriously?"

He laughed. "Yeah, this room was supposed to be a guestroom, but when my parents planned the house they obviously didn't expect such an unbalanced daughter to son ratio. When I was six, and horrified by constantly being surrounded with my sisters, they let me move in here." The room was situated at the back corner of the house. It was quieter than his previous place in the middle of the hall, and he had never had to share a bathroom with his sisters again.

She giggled. "They couldn't have been that bad..."

He scoffed. "Oh, they most definitely were. And it was years before Mark was around all the time. I was out numbered four to one until I was eight or nine at least."

"They must have been jealous you had the best room."

He laughed and nodded. "They were." He shook his head at the memory. "Kath and Nance were so mad they wouldn't speak to my parents for three days. And it was over a week before they'd speak to me, though that wasn't exactly punishment." He smirked.

She laughed and shook her head. "I'm sure you don't really believe that."

"Oh, I do."

She smirked and lifted a hand to place against his chest. "Derek, you love your sisters, I can tell."

He made a show of sighing, but nodded and smiled down at her as he pressed his lips against hers. "I do. It's just easier to admit that to myself when they're not around all the time."

"You were lucky to have someone around all the time." There was no sadness in her tone, it was just meant as a gentle reminder.

He kissed her again. "I guess you could see it that way..." He wrapped his arms around her tightly, shifting side to side to bring his body closer.

She pulled back to meet his eyes and narrowed hers. "Derek, I told you..."

He laughed and tucked his hands under her shirt, for now just resting them against the bare skin of her lower back. She tried to speak again, but he cut her off, pulling her into a deep kiss, and then trailed his lips down her chin to her neck.

"Derek," she groaned. "I said..."

"I know... what... you said..." He muttered as he worked his way along to the side of her neck. She squirmed when he reached the sensitive spot where her neck met her shoulder.

"I'm not doing this here," she whispered, but the threat wasn't very effective, as one hand was buried in his hair, and the other was clutching the fabric covering his shoulder and pulling him closer.

"You don't have to do anything," he told her, breaking away from her skin to meet her mouth again. His hands began roaming towards her sides, his fingers slipping under her waistband and beginning to pull down...

"No," Meredith spoke into his lips, her hands disengaging themselves from him and clutching onto his arms. She panted as he pulled away. "Not here. Someone will catch us."

He narrowed his eyes at the sudden strong resistance to his advances. He hadn't believed she was actually serious, but the look in her eye told him to consider the possibility. "But-"

She laughed and pecked him quickly on the lips. "No buts, Derek. There are children in the house. And your sister, and your mother."

He tilted his head, removing one hand from her side to gently cup her face. "And they all know to mind their own business, they won't come in. And we can be quiet."

She rolled her eyes. "And what happens when your six year old niece wakes up and decides to go and see her favourite Uncle Derek? Seriously, Derek, I wouldn't be able to stay here, and I'd definitely never come back."

He sighed heavily. "We can lock the door."

"Cause that won't be obvious."

He laughed. "Look, Mer, it'll be okay. And tonight would be the best night, there's barely anyone here. And everyone's tired."

She shook her head at him and fought a smile. "You're very persistent, do you know that?"

"How do you think I won you over the first time?"

"I think that was tequila..."

He snorted. "I meant after that."

She sighed and released both of his arms to cup his upper neck, right at the bottom of his cheeks. "Look. It's not that I don't want to. It's that I have to make a good impression this weekend, and being caught having sex within hours of arriving is definitely not the way to do that."

He looked into her pleading eyes and sighed. He knew if he really pushed she eventually wouldn't be able to hold her resolve. But this was obviously important to her, even if he couldn't understand it. He sighed and kissed her forehead. "You're very bossy, do you know that?"

She smirked. "It keeps you in line."

He made a big show of sighing heavily, but smiled down at her. "Okay. We'll do it your way."

"Thank-you." She smiled and kissed him.

"Okay," he said as he released her. "I need to have a shower before bed."

"I thought you showered before we left?"

He turned to her, one eyebrow raised. "I did, but I'm suddenly finding myself in need of a cold one." He turned back towards the bathroom, the sound of her gentle laughter following him all the way.

_**AN: Another long chapter... not as much **__**MerDer**__** interaction as previous chapters, but they can't all be only fluff, as much as I wish they could. The original idea of Michelle actually came from the joke at the beginning of this chapter of Kathleen thinking **__**Mer**__** was Mark's girlfriend and Mark's subsequent reaction. **__**After the thought hit me, I couldn't not write it.**_

_**Anyway, I'm chapters behind in review responses, but seriously, to everyone who had reviewed, I owe you all a huge THANK-YOU! **__**Especially on the response to the last chapter.**__** You're **__**what's**__** keeping me so motivated to write and update as fast as I am.**_

_**Lastly, it's come to my attention that Meredith did her undergrad at Dartmouth, when I have written in this **__**fic**__** that it was her med degree. Do we actually know where she did go to med school? I think I'm just going to leave it how it is, but I'm curious if we've ever actually been told.**_


	41. Spaces on the Wall

Meredith awoke to the sound of at least two sets of small feet pounding past the door. She blinked and breathed as she became aware of a set of strong arms holding her securely to an equally strong chest. And, by the relatively shallow breathing of the man behind her, she knew he was already awake.

"Morning," she mumbled as she pulled his arms tighter around herself.

He shifted closer, his chin reaching as far forward as hers. "Good morning."

"I don't even remember you coming to bed last night." As soon as Derek had headed into the bathroom for his shower the evening before, Meredith had dug her pyjamas and toothbrush out of her suitcase, got changed, barged into the bathroom to use the sink and was in bed before the water was off. She hadn't been conscious enough to realize he had joined her in bed, but it was evident that even though he wasn't allowed certain privileges this weekend, he wasn't about to sleep on his own side.

He chuckled, the sound rumbling from his chest through her back. "You were out cold."

"I was tired."

"Hmm," he pulled his head back and buried his nose into the pile of dirty blond hair that had accumulated at the base of her neck.

Meredith sighed contentedly. This was definitely the best way to wake up in the morning. "How long have you been awake?"

"Not long," he said into her hair.

She gently rolled her eyes. That was always the answer she got, leaving her with no idea whether he spent minutes or hours holding her while she slept. It had bothered her before, but ever since her revelations regarding his experience during her drowning, it no longer troubled her. In fact, she welcomed it. And on the rare occasion she found herself awake when he wasn't, she did the same thing. She had discovered a peaceful sense of intimacy in the behaviour.

"What time is it?"

He groaned and pulled away to roll over to consult the clock radio on his side of the bed. "Almost nine," he told her when he rolled back and resumed his original position.

She yawned and took advantage of the fact that his hold was a little looser and turned to face him. "We should get up."

He smiled and weaved his fingers through hers. "We should."

She giggled when neither of them made a move. "It's a comfy bed," she commented.

He nodded. "It is, though it's too bad we won't be able to fully try it out." He raised an eyebrow.

She snorted. "Are you seriously still on about that?"

He nodded. "Absolutely. I'll be on about it until we leave."

Meredith laughed out loud and kissed him. "That's for being supportive," she told him sarcastically.

"Hey, just because I'm complaining does not mean I'm not being supportive. I love you, and I'll do anything you ask, but it doesn't mean I have to like it or agree with it."

She kept laughing. "You're such a man."

He nodded quickly. "I am a man, and you're denying my needs."

"I'll make up for it when we get home. I promise."

He leaned close, his lips barely a hairs width away from hers. "I'll hold you to that."

"I'm sure you will..." Anything else she was going to say was cut off when he finally closed the gap and pulled her into a long kiss. His arms found spaces on either side of her, and he lazily pulled his body over top of her, straddling her leg. There was no urgency in his moves, as if to tell her that even though she had placed a sex ban, it didn't mean he wasn't going to touch her.

"It's really too bad we won't be able to try out the bed," she said when he eventually pulled his lips away, and she laughed when he groaned at her words.

"That was cheap," he told her, smiling downwards.

She smiled back up at him, but was hit with a flash of a memory.

_So, you're staying in the same house, in the same room, that Derek spent ele__ven years sharing with Addison?__ You don't want to realize that at a bad time, like when you're __in the room, in the bed, under-_

Meredith stiffened at the realization that, regardless of the warning her best friend had given her, she was still being struck by it, in exactly the position Cristina had foreseen, albeit Cristina had likely meant something slightly different.

"What?" Derek asked quietly, having obviously noticed the change in her demeanour. He held his head up and cocked it slightly; listening for something she may have heard from the world outside the closed door.

"It's nothing," Meredith told him quickly, attempting a smile.

He raised an eyebrow and lowered his head to peck her on the lips. "I don't believe you."

"It's not important."

"Meredith..." He spoke gently.

She sighed, for once wishing he couldn't read her so well. This wasn't exactly something she wanted to discuss with him; here, now, in this position. "It's just... It's stupid. Really, it is. But my friends warned me, and they were right. Because it does bother me, suddenly. And I don't know why, because it really is stupid. And it shouldn't bother me, because I know I love you. And I know it's this insignificant little... thing. And I guess it bothered me at the trailer, but we barely ever stayed there after we got back together, so it wasn't ever something I had a chance to think about. But now... five nights... that's a lot. And... I'm thinking about it."

Derek, still situated directly above her, blinked twice and then rolled off of her, coming to rest on his back and pulling her towards his chest. "Mer, sweetie, I do love you, but I have no idea what you're ranting about this time. You need to tell me what _it_ is."

She sighed. "Addison. And the fact that you two shared this bed for more than eleven years."

His breathing caught. "Meredith-"

"No. It's okay. You don't have to say anything. I know it's stupid, and there's nothing you can do about it, it's just on my mind suddenly. I was so tired last night that I didn't even think about anything before I went to bed. And it just sort of hit me now, and it's a little disconcerting."

"Meredith," he spoke again. "You're right. There's nothing I can do about it, other than to tell you how much I love you... and mention that the sheets and pillows are new."

"That actually helps a bit," she admitted.

"Which part?"

She smiled. "Both, though the new sheets thing more so, cause I already knew about the other thing."

He laughed. "When I told mom we were coming out here, she said she was going to replace everything, so that you'd feel more comfortable."

Meredith smiled at the thought. "Really?"

"Yeah. She wants you to feel at home here."

She smiled, but couldn't respond.

"How uncomfortable do you feel at the trailer?" He asked quietly.

She sighed. "Not that uncomfortable. And I guess I had never quite put my finger on what it was that I didn't like anymore."

"Anymore?"

"Yeah, you know, when you first started taking me out there, before everything went to hell for a while, it was like a sanctuary or something. It made me feel close to you, knowing that I was the only person you'd ever shared it with. And I can remember waking up a few nights, and it was so quiet and peaceful; all I could hear was the wind and you breathing. It was ... special."

He smiled at the thought. "It was really peaceful out there, wasn't it? It stopped being peaceful when she moved in. I hated sharing it with her, and I kept wishing it was you, regardless of the snoring. She just didn't get why it was special."

"It was special." Meredith chose to ignore the snoring comment.

"And I ruined it for us."

Meredith sighed. "It's not ruined. It's just different. And it's not like we don't have a new spot that's all our own." She smiled at the thought of the apartment they had now shared for over four months.

"Yeah," he agreed. "I guess, but the trailer was still..."

"Special."

"Yeah."

She shrugged. "We could get a new trailer," she said jokingly.

He laughed. "Cause that wouldn't give my sisters even more ammunition."

Meredith laughed. "It was just a suggestion."

"You know what? I can take whatever they throw at me. We _should_ get a new trailer."

She hadn't expected him to take her seriously, and still wasn't sure if he was being serious. Regardless, she rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say."

He laughed.

"Were you unhappy, when we got back together, and you stayed in my bed?"

"Maybe a little," he admitted. "But you took me back, and really, that was all I was focussing on. It wasn't really an issue until we moved."

"Hence the new furniture."

He nodded. "Exactly."

She sighed and pulled herself up his torso to kiss him. "See, it's really a non-issue."

He nodded. "You're right. And I promise you, that other than here, I won't ever make you sleep in a bed that I've shared with anyone else."

She smiled. "Me too. You're definitely the only person I ever want to share a bed with for the rest of my life."

Derek beamed, obviously taken by surprise at her comment. She had been making more and more gestures regarding their future, but really only when he was the one to bring up the subject. "Good, because I never want to share a bed with anyone else ever again, either."

"I think that's fair."

He smirked. "You know what's not fair?"

She shook her head, knowing he had a comment planned. "What?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Sleeping in new sheets without christening them."

Meredith laughed out loud and pressed her lips against his before rolling out of the bed, leaving her grumbling boyfriend behind.

000

Hours after breakfast, Meredith found herself seated beside Derek on the short end of the large, L-shaped wrap around couch in the living room. A loveseat and two arm chairs completed the arc that subtly faced the entertainment unit against the wall. A second, smaller, semi-circle of lounging furniture was set up by the front windows. Carol, Kathleen and Megan were squished together on the shorter couch, which would have made a good picture of the three generations together; matching eyes and hair, the only difference being age and height. The other three kids shared the long end of the couch, and Mark sat in one of the arm chairs.

Kathleen's husband, Simon, sat in the other arm chair. He was barely taller than his wife, with slightly greying brown hair, but there was laughter in his eyes. After a quick introduction, Meredith found she liked the man very much. He was quiet and unpretentious, and obviously adored his wife and kids. As a writer, he had time and flexibility in his schedule to be around his kids as much as he could. She had come to learn that his exhaustion induced coma from the previous evening had been the result of pulling double time while at the skating competition with his daughter. He had been at the rink all day, and spent his evenings, and most of his nights, working away at an article so that he could finish before Thanksgiving and be free for family time.

"So, Andrew," Derek was saying to his nephew. "Are you still into football?"

"No. Baseball now."

Derek nodded appreciatively. "Baseball is a good sport to follow. But, please, tell me you're a Yankee's fan."

Andrew laughed and rolled his eyes. "Of course, Uncle Derek, who else is there?"

Derek smirked. "He's a good boy," he told his sister. "You did good."

Kathleen laughed and shook her head at her brother. "I know," she told him. As she had basically shared her position as oldest with Nancy, there had been competition for the stereotypical niche. In the end, Kathleen had taken to being more of a tom boy growing up, following and playing various sports, while Nancy had stuck to fashion and boys and such.

"How are you liking high school?" Mark asked. Andrew had been somewhat short with him all morning, but it wasn't stopping Mark from talking to the boy, trying to win back his affection.

Andrew regarded Mark darkly and shrugged. "It's fine."

"Are you having any trouble with your courses?" Derek questioned.

His nephew turned to him and shook his head. "No, not really. It was hard at first, having to switch rooms every period, and it's way bigger than my old school, but I figured it out. The classes themselves are actually really easy. I barely get any homework."

"Have you met any girls yet?"

Andrew scoffed at Mark's question. "That's none of your business."

Meredith felt Derek tense at Andrew's obviously tense words towards Mark. Derek had assumed the teen's angry reactions the night before were based on his and Mark's extended absence, but Meredith had a growing feeling it was something else. Andrew was clearly only mad at one of his uncles.

"Andrew has a girlfriend," Stephanie piped up.

"Steph!"

She giggled. "He looooves her."

"I do not!"

Meredith laughed at the sibling interaction, which resulted in Andrew huffing and leaving the room, two of his sisters right behind him, leaving only the youngest, Megan, who was evidently quite content between her mom and grandma.

"Ah, those were the days," Carol said through her laughter. "I can't even count the memories I have of you kids acting exactly like that."

Kathleen rolled her eyes and turned towards Meredith. "See, this is where you were lucky to be an only child. There was no way any of us could keep a secret for any length of time."

Meredith laughed.

"I can remember my first boyfriend," Kathleen continued. "I think I was twelve, and it was one of those holds hands at recess and brag to your friends type of relationships." She shrugged. "We 'went steady' for about three days before Nancy scared him away."

"And you were so crushed," Carol recounted. "You cried yourself to sleep that night."

Kathleen laughed. "Hey, at the time it was traumatizing."

"Yeah, it's a wonder she ever found love again," Simon piped up with a smirk.

Kathleen snorted and responded with a wry, "A wonder is right." Simon rolled his eyes and huffed good naturedly at his wife.

"I can remember Derek's first girlfriend," Carol said with a smile, which caused both Derek and Mark to groan in unison.

"Come on, mom, we don't need to hear the story," Derek spoke.

"Why? What happened?" Meredith asked, her eyes darting between Derek, Mark and Carol. This was definitely a story she wanted to hear.

Carol clicked her tongue. "You mean you haven't told Meredith? Then we definitely need to tell her."

Kathleen nodded her agreement, smirking at her younger brothers. "Oh, she definitely needs to know."

"It was the first time you two had any sort of rift between you," Carol told Derek and Mark.

"You see, Meredith," Kathleen explained. "Mark saw her first, and Derek swooped in and stole her."

"There was no swooping," Derek tried to argue. "She came to me-"

"And Mark was so crushed. They didn't speak for nearly a month." Carol ignored Derek's protests.

Kathleen laughed. "They had this huge fight at school, and Mark swore he would get his revenge, no matter how long it took him..." she trailed off suddenly as she processed her own words. Everyone was silent, the unspoken thought on everyone's mind. She cleared her throat. "It was very melodramatic, really..."

"What is it?" Megan asked. She had been loosely following the conversation about her uncles, but didn't understand the sudden silence. And she was too young to recognize the tension.

"Nothing, sweetie," Kathleen quickly shushed her. "Anyway," she continued, quickly changing the subject. Mark's actions with Addison had obviously not been revenge from the ninth grade, but she had accidentally brought up the subject and felt the need to change it. "Meredith, any interesting stories from grade school?"

Meredith shook her head. "Not really." She smiled as even Derek turned to her in interest. This wasn't something they had ever discussed. "I guess I had a few holding-hands-at-recess-relationships early on, but that was really all."

"Waited until high school for them?"

Again, Meredith shook her head. She was somewhat uncomfortable, but determined that she was going to do the open, talking, communicating family thing if it killed her. And if this was what families talked about, she would do it. "No. I never did the normal high school sweethearts thing."

"Too busy with class?"

Meredith snorted before she could help herself. "Definitely not. I barely went to class; just enough to get my attendance and write all the tests and stuff. My teachers hated me. They kept calling my mother in for meetings, or tried to anyway..."

Kathleen laughed. "Definitely not something I'm looking forward to. How did she handle it? Was she mad?"

"Only at the teachers for wasting her time. She went to the first meeting, and was enraged when they told her I barely went to class, but my grades were straight As." Meredith laughed at the memory. "She told them they had wasted her afternoon, and were evidently trying to waste my days, which shouldn't be spent in class if I could do it without them. Then she basically called them useless and stormed out. She didn't go to any meetings after that." It was one of the best memories she had growing up. Her mother had furious at the school, and had ranted _with_ Meredith on the way home, telling her she agreed with her decisions to skip class, and that if they should mention another family meeting, that Meredith had her permission to tell them to go to hell.

Everyone laughed, and Derek wrapped a loose arm around her. "That sounds like Ellis," he said as he pressed his lips against the side of her head.

"So, no high school romances?" Kathleen asked.

Meredith shook her head, her demeanour darkening. "No. I was far to disillusioned by that age. I was raised to believe those things were frivolous and a waste of time."

"That's horrible," Carol spoke. "They may just be frivolous things at that age, but they're an important part of growing up."

Meredith nodded her agreement. "Not according to my mother."

"How did she expect you to ever find someone?"

She sighed inwardly. The conversation was approaching that point again. The point where she was uncomfortable. She felt Derek breathe beside her and knew he was about to step in. "She didn't," she told them quickly, effectively cutting Derek off. As easy as it would be, she couldn't keep letting Derek shield her from things with his family. It may help in the present, but she knew enough to know it would always keep her to the outside. She had learned that not talking meant not fully connecting. And she was being offered a one time opportunity to be part of a family. There was no way she was going to let it pass. "Men. Relationships. Family. They were all a waste of time to her. I was supposed to learn from her _mistakes._"

"I'm sure that's not true," Carol said immediately. "Having a family is a joy."

Meredith felt tears pricking the back of her eyes, but she fought them off quickly. She had already almost cried once in front of these people. She wasn't about to do it again. "Look, I'm sure that's true to you. And to a lot of people. And, trust me, I'm slowly being drawn to your way of thinking," she glanced quickly towards Derek, who offered her a supportive smile. "But according to my mother, it was all a waste. She was completely devoted to her job, and my father and I were just things that got in her way; things she regretted."

"I'm glad you're changing your mind, dear. I can't imagine life without family. I didn't get nearly enough time with my Sam, but I wouldn't change that little time for anything in this world. And becoming a mother was the single best decision I ever made. I'm sure your mother felt the same way."

Meredith sighed. The pricking behind her eyes was back. "My mother was... sick. She was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's right after I finished my undergrad..."

"I'm so sorry, dear," Carol comforted, and was quickly joined by her daughter and son-in-law. "That must have been difficult. Please tell me she at least recognized you?"

Meredith shook her head. "Not for very long. It progressed very quickly. But she was admitted to Grace early in my internship for about a week. And she did her residency there, and even though her current ability to remember anything was gone, she could still remember everything about her years in Seattle. And because she didn't know me as her daughter, she had no trouble telling me everything." Meredith broke off for a moment and swallowed. "She relived her residency for months. And I had to listen to her repeatedly tell me how much she regretted getting married; regretted having a child." There was suddenly a blur of sympathetic expressions facing her. She bit back a sob and shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. "Anyway, those were her beliefs. And they're what I was raised with. But not what I believe anymore." Her voice only wavered a bit at the end of her last statement, but it was enough for Derek's arm to tighten around her. She gripped onto the loose fabric of the knee of his jeans and breathed. She would not let herself cry. She was supposed to be making a good impression. She was supposed to be integrating.

"I'm glad you're realising there's more to life than career, Meredith," Carol spoke softly. "A job won't ever be there for you, but a family always will." She smiled. "That's our motto, anyway. And it's a good motto to live by. You'll always be welcome here, Meredith."

The last line and its implications were too much for Meredith. She barely managed to choke out a quiet, "Thank-you," before the first tear overcame the threshold and spilled over her lower lid. She shuddered as she fought back an overwhelming wave of emotion. She couldn't do this. She couldn't make a scene in front of Derek's family. For a second it was too much, and she seriously considered running; and the only thing that stopped her were the pair of strong arms wrapped around her torso as Derek hugged her.

But, to her surprise, there was no staring. There were disdainful glances or rolling of eyes. After a gentle smile, Carol changed the topic, and everyone easily followed suit, leaving Meredith in a small, isolated bubble of privacy that only included herself and Derek's comfort. She wasn't being singled out as the girlfriend who couldn't cut it. She wasn't even getting any attention by anyone other than Derek, who other than his embrace and a few soft words, was also contributing to the new conversation. It was as if they were stepping back and allowing her to take as long as she needed to collect herself, and was welcome to rejoin whenever she wanted. Suddenly the pressure of not being able to breakdown was gone, and Meredith revelled in the feeling of Derek's warmth as she breathed silently for a few short minutes. She sighed and smiled to herself at the lack of judgement; she had expected to feel judged the entire weekend. But this was... very non-judgmental.

Derek smiled at her and loosened his hold, so that she was only enveloped in one arm. He kissed her forehead and whispered that he loved her.

"I still can't believe Andrew is in high school," Carol was saying. "I can remember the day he was born; my first grandchild."

"It won't be long before he's off to college," Mark said.

"Oh, don't remind her," Simon said quickly, but it was too late.

Kathleen clutched a hand to her chest, tears welling in her eyes. "I just can't believe how quickly he grew up. I mean, he's a teenager. When did that happen?" She shook her head. "I can't fathom that in a few short years he'll be out of the house."

"Is he still thinking pre-med?" Derek questioned.

Simon nodded. "Of course. He told us when he was four years old that he wanted to be a doctor. And he's never wavered."

"It's in his blood," Carol spoke. She smiled at Meredith. "Not only are most of his aunts and uncles on this side doctors, but Simon's brother is in internal medicine."

"Pretty soon you'll have another picture for your bragging wall," Mark joked.

Carol smiled and nodded as she glanced across the room to the wall where all of her children's graduation photos hung. "It's not a bragging wall, Mark," she told him, but it was common knowledge that Carol was infinitely proud of her family. And it didn't hurt to let the rest of the world know that. Starting at the far left was Kathleen at her med school graduation and then Simon with his Master's degree in journalism. And then Nancy, and Dean. And Natalie, and Phil. And Derek. And a space. And Mark. And Anna, and Spencer. Meredith sighed, not needing to be told what used to hang between Derek and Mark. She did, however, smile at the shot of Derek. Some of the other photos were obviously taken by professional photographers well before the actual date of the ceremony. She could remember the posters up in her school, and she recalled her friends dressing up and going to have their photos taken. But Derek's wasn't one of those. It was the day of the ceremony, with a blur of people behind him. It looked to her as if he had just walked off the stage and paused for the camera, most likely in the hands of his proud mother. He looked carefree and ecstatic; his brilliant blue eyes shining. And she was pretty sure that if she looked closely enough, she would recognize Mark as the blurry individual stepping down the stairs behind him. Meredith didn't know what types of degrees Dean or Spencer had, but she definitely recognized Dartmouth colours in the background of Phil's med school graduation photo. She was pretty sure Natalie had said he was a GP.

Carol sighed. "I'm going to have to do some rearranging, won't I?" She stated more than asked. "I can't imagine what it would look like in ten or twenty years. I'll need another living room." She laughed. "And can you imagine when they all start to get married?" She turned to look past where Derek and Meredith were sitting towards the shorter wall by the front furniture that boasted the wedding shots. Meredith craned her head towards the wall she hadn't noticed before and caught sight of five silver frames; Carol and Sam, and their four daughters and their respective husbands. And again, there was a conspicuous blank space. It made her wonder if Carol had held onto the thought of Addison for as long as she could, and had simply taken the photos down prior to their arrival. Hell, they could just be tucked away under one of the couches or something, ready to be replaced after they left.

Kathleen laughed. "You'll definitely need a bigger living room. Or you'll just have to choose you favourites."

"Nonsense," Carol gently chastised, although she had a happy glint in her eyes. "I don't have favourites." It was infinitely obvious that she was proud of her family, and her admittance to Meredith about family being a joy was in no was untrue to her. This was what the woman lived for.

"Well, at least you have a few years to find a solution yet," Simon spoke. "You'll be able to fit the first few to graduate before you need to make changes."

Carol nodded, and glanced at the grad wall again. "Oh, that reminds me," she turned towards Meredith with a smile. "Meredith, I'm going to need a picture from you medical school graduation."

Meredith blinked. "W-why?"

"To put on my wall, of course," she told her as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Meredith blinked again. Carol, Derek's mother, wanted a picture of her, Meredith, Derek's lowly girlfriend. To put on her wall. She actually wanted to have a picture of Meredith on the wall along with her children. Meredith glanced over at the empty space beside Derek's frame and realization hit that Carol hadn't waited until now to take down Addison's photo. She had purposely kept the space open. For Meredith. She swallowed. Hard. "I, uh, don't have any photos," she whispered as her mind whirled to process what was happening. Carol had kept open a space on her bragging wall for Meredith. She breathed. It made her suddenly think about the empty space on the other wall, and of what would one day be filling it.

"You can't say that," Simon spoke up. "If Carol wants a picture, she'll get it, no matter how bad you think it is. Spencer told her he didn't have any, but she called his parents and had them courier it here." He laughed.

Meredith smiled. "I'm sorry, but I really don't have one. I thought the professional photo thing ahead of time was stupid and... there was no one at my graduation from med school." She shrugged.

Carol paused, but apparently took Meredith's words for what they were. "That's okay, dear, I can live with your college photo."

Meredith shook her head. "Sorry, I don't have one of those either. My mother and I weren't exactly on speaking terms." She swallowed.

Carol looked sympathetically at her. "High school?"

Another head shake. "She, uh, was going to come, but got caught up at work." Meredith could remember taking her diploma and looking out over the crowd, in hopes that her mother had just arrived late, but there was no sign of Ellis Grey in the crowd of proud parents. She had blinked back tears and instead of returning to her seat, had left the ceremony. After spending a good ten minutes crying in the parking lot, she had driven to the hospital to find her mother in her office. She hadn't even been in surgery.

_"You missed it," Seventeen year old Meredith said as she barged through the half-open office door and tossed her diploma on top of the chart Ellis had in front of her. _

_Ellis looked up with a start and glanced at her watch. "I'm __sorry,__ Meredith, but I have an important job. I don't always have time for-"_

_"You never have time! It was my graduation, and you missed it. Could you not have taken a__n__ hour out of your precious life__ to remember you're a mother__?"_

_Ellis sat upright and shook her head at her emotional daughter. "Meredith, I apologized__ already__, but you need to understand that I have a responsibility here. It was__ just high school;__ that hardly means anything anymore. I'll be there for the next one."_

But she hadn't been.

"Well, I'm sure we'll figure something out," Carol spoke, pulling Meredith out of her memory.

She shook her head. "Really, don't worry about it. You don't... I don't... there doesn't need to be a picture."

"Nonsense," Carol said with a wave of her hand. "I have a picture of everyone else. There will be one of you."

"We could get Spencer to photoshop one," Simon suggested with a grin. He turned to Meredith. "Spencer never graduated from college, and after his parents sent Carol his high school graduation photo, he photoshopped himself into a med school graduation ceremony as a joke."

Kathleen laughed. "But mom didn't notice and he forgot to replace it with the real one when they left. It must have been a month before mom had a party and it was one of her friends who pointed it out. Nancy was the only one of us here, and said mom was _mad_."

"I wasn't mad, dear, only surprised."

"Surprised enough to call Anna and Spencer as soon as the party was over."

Carol laughed at the memory. "Well, he deserved it." She turned her attention towards Meredith once again, and looked about to say something when the sound of the front door swinging open reached the living room.

"Haley's here!" Megan cried as she launched herself off the couch and sped off towards the front hall.

There was a series of muffled voices and stomping as the newly arriving family set to dropping bags, and removing coats and shoes. No one made a move to get up; it seemed that the norm was simply waiting for them to present themselves. Meredith inhaled, deep and shuddery. She had been doing well with Carol and Kathleen and her family, but she knew things wouldn't go as well with the sister who already didn't like her. She and Nancy had gotten off to a very bad, and very short, start. And Meredith was about to have to deal with Nancy and her husband and their three daughters, as well as Carol and Kathleen and her family. She felt Derek tighten his hold on her. He knew she was nervous, and he was showing his support.

"Grandma!"A small girl with curly, light brown, hair flew into to the room, Megan right on her heels. She jumped onto the couch and flung herself in Carol's arms.

"Hi, Haley," Carol said animatedly. "How are you? I haven't seen you in too long."

"It's been a week, mom," Nancy said as she entered the living room, two older girls flanking her. The family had, of course, all congregated the week before for Stephanie's birthday.

Carol rolled her eyes at her daughter. "Well, it feels much longer than that..." Haley giggled.

Nancy's two older girls recognized their uncles and immediately ran to greet them. Derek was, of course, annoying perfect and dreamy with both girls. He seemed to know exactly what to say and do to get the happy smiles. Meredith met Nancy's eyes briefly and offered the older woman a terse smile, and was surprised when Nancy approached her.

"It's nice to see you again, Meredith," she greeted, holding out her hand.

Meredith jumped up and shook. "You too, Nancy." There was tension, but there didn't seem to be hatred or unease or anything.

"Where's Dean?" Carol asked, finally releasing her granddaughter.

Nancy smirked. "He can't find his cell; went back to the car to look. I swear that man can lose anything..."

One of the older girls laughed. "Daddy lost the remote last week, and it was in the fridge."

Nancy shook her head with a gentle smile. "Haley, sweetie, go say hi to your uncles," she told the young girl who was gripping against her legs, staring at the people seated across the room. She shook her head. Nancy crouched down and placed a supportive hand on her daughter's back. "Do you remember them?"

Haley made a small head move that could have been a nod or a shake, or any combination of the two.

"That's your uncle Derek, and your uncle Mark."

Haley nodded, the names obviously meant something to her. And, with a small push from her mother, she approached slowly.

"Hi," she said quietly as she approached Derek first. With her older sister seated on the couch beside him, he was apparently the less scary choice.

"Hi there, Haley," Derek said softly. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes that his niece didn't outright recognize him. "I haven't seen you since you were three years old. How old are you now?"

"Five," she said with a proud smile. She lifted her arms and Derek scooped her into his lap.

"Five!" He said animatedly. "No wonder you're so big! Have you started school yet?"

A small nod. "I'm in junior kindergarten. I go to the same school as Jess and Tina."

Derek smiled. "That must be fun."

Nancy smiled at the sight of her brother and her daughter and turned to Meredith. "That's my youngest, Haley, obviously. And that's Jessica," she motioned to the girl sitting on the other side of Derek. "She's eleven. And Tina is nine," she said towards the girl who had said hello to her uncles and wandered over to her grandmother. The door opened in the front hall again and a slightly flustered man came through the doorway. "And this it my very forgetful husband."

"Ah, spreading lies about me already," he chastised as he stepped past his wife.

"Don't believe anything she says," he told Meredith as he stuck out a hand. "I'm Dean."

"Meredith," she offered as she shook his hand.

"Derek, glad to see you again," he said, shaking Derek's hand around his daughter.

Derek smiled. "I see she's still the same."

Dean laughed. "Your sister is a very difficult woman." Nancy scoffed behind him, but he expertly ignored her. "Mark," he said brightly as he shook hands with Mark as well.

"Where did you find your cell?" Nancy asked when he finally turned to face her again.

He regarded his wife and muttered something in response.

"What was that?" She asked, an eyebrow raised.

He sighed. "It was in my pocket," he admitted. "But it was in my left pocket, and I don't know how that happened. I always put it in my right pocket..."

Nancy shook her head and covered her face with her hands.

Dean laughed and hugged his wife. He planted a kiss on her forehead before releasing her making his way over to the long arm of the couch.

"I swear," Nancy muttered as she followed suit. "You lose everything."

"I don't lose things, I misplace them. There's a difference."

Nancy laughed.

"Hey, I'm allowed to be a little scatterbrained. It's not easy living with four females."

"I here you, man," Derek spoke up, causing Dean to nod his understanding, and his mother and two sisters to shake their heads. Simon and Mark laughed.

Meredith smiled at the family dynamics in process.

"Well, kids, your cousins are downstairs," Kathleen announced, which caused her youngest and Nancy's three to all leave the living room and race down to the basement. She laughed and turned to Meredith. "Now that there's this many of them, you won't see any of them much for the rest of the weekend. They keep each other occupied."

"How was the flight yesterday?" Dean asked. "Was the airport packed?"

Derek nodded. "Flight was good; on time and everything. The airports weren't too bad, though I think today is really the busiest day. We originally looked for a flight today, but there was nothing available."

Dean nodded and then narrowed his eyes, glancing at Mark, and then at Derek and Meredith. "Wait, weren't there supposed to be four?"

Nancy nodded. "That's right. Michelle, right?" She smirked at Mark. "Where are you hiding her?"

Mark sighed. "Seattle," he responded dryly. "She, uh, something came up last minute and she couldn't make it."

"That's too bad."

Mark shrugged and almost pulled off a believable look of nonchalance, but Meredith could see past it. She knew how much he wanted to show the Shepherd family he was growing. She sighed sadly; they were both striving to fit in with the same family, although he obviously didn't recognize he was already a member. And she almost hated him for his ignorance. He didn't know how lucky he was.

"Anyway," Kathleen spoke up, effectively pulling the attention away from Mark. "We were just telling Meredith about the time Spencer photoshopped himself into that fake graduation photo."

Nancy laughed. "Oh, I remember that. Mom was furious."

"I was not, dear."

"Oh, you were. When Lisa Edelstein came up to you and asked 'does you son-in-law really have a triple medical degree from Harvard, Yale and John Hopkins? I didn't know that was possible...'" She trailed off laughing. "You were stunned. And then you had to explain..."

Carol huffed. "He could have at least made a believable one, then it wouldn't have caught anyone's notice."

"But the point was to catch notice, mom. Hell, he even gave himself a crown. He was getting you back for calling his parents."

"I had every right to call his parents. All of my kids go on my wall, no matter how bad they think their photo is."

000

It was a few hours later that Meredith found herself alone in the living room. After a long, comfortable, family chat, the Shepherds had dispersed. Nancy and Dean had taken their bags to their room. Kathleen and Simon had disappeared to check on the kids. Carol had just disappeared. Mark excused himself citing some time alone to work on his case study, though Meredith was pretty sure he just needed some time alone. And Derek had just headed for the bathroom.

It was quiet, and Meredith wandered along the wall behind the television, staring up at the family photos. If there was a grad wall, and a wedding wall, this was obviously the family wall, boasting an array of frames of all sizes and colours artfully arranged. There were group shots of all of the families, along with singles and combinations of many Meredith recognized and many she didn't. She smiled at a young picture of Derek and Mark, likely in high school or early in college. They looked close, and Meredith could only hope they could get back to that one day.

An older photograph caught her eye, placed centrally in the collage, high off the ground. A small boy, who could only be Derek, stood wide eyed and excited, fishing pole in hand. An older man, who looked so close to what Derek looked like presently, knelt behind him, his arms around his son to expertly guide him through the process that would one day be so natural. Although his face was turned most of the way away from the camera, you could just see the hint of a smile on the corner of his lips.

"That's the last picture taken of Dad and Derek, before Dad got sick."

Meredith jumped at the voice that was suddenly so close. She spun and came face to face with Nancy. "You scared me," she stuttered, her hand on her chest.

Nancy offered a small smile. "Sorry. You seemed a little off in your own world."

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, I, uh, do that sometimes. Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize."

Another _sorry _died on her lips as she nodded. "It really is a great picture," Meredith stated. It seemed like a safe topic.

Nancy nodded and stared off at the frame for a few moments. She sighed. "We didn't know he was sick, until he was really sick. No one knew. He spent so much time with us... I guess he ignored symptoms. They must have been there. We were all too young to fully understand, but he must have deteriorated for a while without anyone noticing. He took Derek fishing one weekend, with his brother Cliff and his sons, our cousins," Nancy added. "It was a boy's weekend. We don't even know who took the picture." She shook her head. "When he died... it was horrible. I can't imagine what mom went through. I only have three kids, but anytime I begin to think of life without Dean... I can't imagine what she went through. She was so strong. And life changed really quickly, and for a long time. It was like all the happiness of being home was sucked out of our lives. But then, about a year after he died, mom found the camera stashed in the back of his closet. And she had the film developed and..." Nancy shrugged. "That's what was on it. I was with her at the store when she picked it up. She opened the package and then closed it and dragged me out to the car. And then she sat and cried for close to an hour. She showed me the photos and I cried too. Things were better after that. It was like a sign from him that we needed to be okay." Nancy had tears in her eyes when she finished.

Meredith breathed and was surprised to find her eyes watery as well. "Wow," she said quietly as she wiped her hand across her cheeks.

"Yeah," Nancy agreed. "It really helped Derek, too. Dad was all he had. We bug him all the time, but really, he had to become the man of the house when he was eight years old. It gave him something to hold onto." Nancy paused and surveyed her for several seconds. "I, uh, heard that your mother passed away," she said quietly. "I'm really sorry."

Meredith was surprised to have the subject brought up so openly, although with the context of their conversation, maybe it was normal. "Thanks, but really, we don't have to do the thing..."

Nancy nodded her head. "Yes, we do." She took a breath. "Look, Derek kind of demanded I be nice to you and apologize and-"

Meredith wanted to laugh. Of course Derek would do that and think it okay. "Really, Nancy, it's okay. Derek is... I can take care of myself. You don't need to do this for him."

"I'm not," she said simply. "Well, okay, I am, but not because he asked." She paused and met Meredith's eyes. "He's my little brother. And he was married to one of my best friends. And I knew he wasn't exactly happy, but he was successful..." Nancy sighed and shook her head. "One day I got a call from mom saying she had just spoken to Derek, who had up and moved across the country. He gave up everything in the blink of an eye; his family, his marriage, his practice. And when we found out what happened between Addison and Mark... it was like we just didn't want to deal with it, because they were family too. And he had a ton of pressure from us to make it work again. But after, when I came out to Seattle..." Nancy trailed off and took a moment to collect her thoughts. "I owe you an apology. You didn't deserve to be treated that way. But you have to understand that we were getting so little information from Derek, that in all likelihood he was just..."

"Having a midlife crisis?" Meredith suggested.

Nancy almost laughed and nodded. "Yeah, and I'm sorry that we thought that, but-"

Meredith smiled. "Look. I get it. I really do. He left overnight and all you heard was he had given up Park Avenue, his perfect wife and a private practice for a trailer, a hospital job, and a slutty intern."

Nancy returned her smiled. "Don't let Derek hear you say that. He takes great offence, believe me." She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I was surprised when I left Seattle at the brother I had found there. It was... unexpected. And not in a bad way. So, I'm sorry for the way I treated you."

Meredith nodded. "Thanks, but it's really not necessary. You were looking out for your brother, and you have a loyalty to Addison, I get that."

"Had," Nancy corrected quickly. "I had a loyalty to Addison. We didn't know... when we pushed so hard for Derek to forgive her, we didn't know the full story. All we had heard from Derek was he found them together one night. And believe me, we were thinking alcohol and coincidence and everything. But when Derek told me that they'd spent months together before she followed him to Seattle..." Nancy huffed and shook her head. "Believe me, we would never have even told her where to find him. One time is maybe forgivable. She had an affair. That's not forgivable. I haven't spoken to her since then."

"But, I thought you were good friends?"

"I'm not friends with people who do that to my brother, even if we were close, and even if we were in the same field. Someone does that, you cut ties. That's it."

"I don't think it's that black and white."

Nancy raised an eyebrow. "You want me to be friends with the woman you basically replaced?"

Meredith sighed. "Look, I love your brother, a lot. And I hate Addison for hurting him, but I don't hate _her_. She's not a bad person. She doesn't deserve to lose everything. And you've forgiven Mark."

"I forgave Mark because Derek did."

Meredith smiled. "Derek forgave Addison, too."

"He wasn't even speaking to her when I was there."

"I know, but talk to him. He's forgiven her."

Nancy regarded her for several seconds. "You're very surprising, you know that?"

"You mean very surprising for a slutty intern?"

"She's not a slutty intern," Mark's voice called as he entered the living room from the stairs by the front hall. "She's a dirty mistress."

"Former dirty mistress," Meredith corrected.

"Whatever you say," Mark said with a wink, causing Meredith to roll her eyes.

"Seriously," she muttered.

"She's my VP and cofounder."

"VP and cofounder of what?" Carol asked as she appeared in the kitchen doorway.

"Uh," Mark stuttered. "Nothing important; hospital stuff."

Carol shook her head, used to her children thinking they were pulling things over her head. "How about instead of standing around, you kids make yourselves useful and help me make dinner."

Meredith smiled and followed Nancy and Mark obediently into the kitchen. Kathleen was already there, cutting vegetables at the center island.

"Where are the boys?" Nancy asked.

Kathleen exhaled and glanced at her sister. "Where do you think? Downstairs watching the pre-game stuff."

"Of course, how could I be so stupid." Nancy laughed.

"Mark," Carol said. "Why don't you go join them, and leave us girls to chat?"

Meredith inhaled as she watched Mark nod and shoot her an encouraging glance before he disappeared. She was alone, isolated from her familiar Seattle crowd, and surrounded by three Shepherds. One on one she was fine. And in a group she was fine if Derek was there too. But she was by herself now.

"I, uh, don't cook," she stuttered as Nancy joined her mother, leaving Meredith caught awkwardly in the open.

"It's never too late to learn, dear."

"No, I mean I'm not allowed to cook. Derek... he doesn't let me cook... anymore. I burn things... and ruin things... and set off the smoke detector... a lot."

Kathleen snorted. "Come help me with the salad, then. It would be pretty hard to set off the smoke detector that way."

Meredith smiled. "I probably could," she mumbled as she took the second knife Kathleen was offering and began chopping through a stalk of celery.

"It's too bad Nat couldn't make it," Nancy said as she started mixing some spices into a bowl. "It would have been the first time the whole family was together in years."

"It is too bad," Carol nodded. "But hopefully we'll pull it off in the spring."

"Oh, are you guys coming in for mom's birthday?" Kathleen looked up, meeting Meredith's eyes with an excited smile.

"Derek's already requested the time off. He's really determined to make up for lost time or whatever."

"And you're coming too, right?" Carol asked.

Meredith inhaled and numbly nodded at the realization that it was expected she would accompany Derek; that it was a common fact that she was a permanent figure in his life and would, without a doubt, still be around in June.

"What about Mark?"

Carol sighed. "I'm not sure if Derek has said anything to him. I don't want to not invite him, but I also don't want to invite him and have Derek be upset." She glanced worriedly at Meredith.

"I think Derek expects him to be there," she told her. "He's not waiting for you to ask permission."

Carol nodded her appreciation. "They seem to be doing really well. Derek actually called me and told me he was inviting Mark this weekend. But I don't want to push things when they seem so delicately balanced. This is just not a situation I ever expected to be in. I'm not sure of what to do. Mark is like a son to me."

Meredith smiled, wishing Mark could hear what Carl was saying. "And he's like a brother to Derek."

"Is he really letting it go?" Carol asked, having forgone helping her daughter to turn and face Meredith. Nancy continued kneading whatever it was she was kneading in the bowl, but had turned to watch Meredith as well. And Kathleen had paused, a knife half way through a carrot. Meredith swallowed. She definitely had the undivided attention of the room.

"It took a while," she said gently, trying not to react to the hopeful faces. "But he let it go. He's forgiven them both. He's sees Mark as family, and he wants you to as well."

Carol sniffed, and then tears flowed over her lower lids.

"Mom," Kathleen said softly as she set down her knife and turned to hug Carol.

"I'm so glad," Carol said as Kathleen pulled away from the supportive embrace. "I'm so proud of him. I was so worried that he would suffer from not having a father, but I'm so proud of the man he has become. And I'm so happy he still sees Mark as family. Because he is family. He's a son to me."

Meredith nodded her agreement, simultaneously wishing Mark were here to hear what Carol was saying. It would put some of his fears to rest.

"Thank-you," Carol said, speaking towards Meredith.

Meredith blinked and shook her head. "I didn't do anything."

"Yes, you did. Mark told us you made Derek invite him to dinner when we were visiting. That led to this weekend and..." She trailed off.

"Oh, I didn't make Derek do anything. All I did was suggest he think about it, that's all. It was really all Derek-"

"Derek values your opinion, Meredith. You brought Mark back into this family."

"No, I-"

"Meredith, you brought our family back together."

"No, I don't bring families together," she stuttered, shaking her head. "I...don't do families. They don't like me..."

"Meredith-"

"No. No, I didn't do this."

"Why are you so determined not to allow us to thank you?" Carol asked softly.

Meredith stood almost stalk still, but on the inside she felt like she was flailing just to keep her balance. "Because. Because, you can't thank me. I'm not..." Her world was spinning. "I didn't do this. I don't deserve your thanks. I don't fix families. I get in the way, that's all I've ever done. Families don't like me, they don't want me."

Carol regarded her softly for many moments. "This family wants you," she said quietly, and the utter honesty and integrity in her voice was too much for Meredith.

"But... I ..." She couldn't even manage to string a few words into a single sentence before the emotional waterfall she had been fighting for two days pushed past her threshold with surprising force. She squeezed her eyes shut, but it proved very little obstacle for the tears already streaming down her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she managed to squeak out as she wiped furiously at her cheeks with shaking hands. "I'm sorry."

"Meredith, dear," Carol spoke softly as she approached pulled Meredith into a hug.

Meredith tried to protest, but between her struggle to breathe and control her sobs she didn't have a lot of energy to protest, so she clutched her arms across her chest and allowed Carol to hold her.

"You don't need to cry, dear," Carol said softly. "Family is a joy."

Meredith swallowed. "Not for me," she stuttered. "I... no family has ever wanted me before."

"Well, we do."

She inhaled a shuddery breath and shook her head, gaining enough control to pull out of Carol's embrace. "You don't understand. You don't want me, I'm just... me. I'm not good with families. I destroy families."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"My father didn't want me, my mother hated me. She thought having me destroyed her chance of having the guy she left my dad for. All I ever did was disappoint her. And the last things we said before she died..." Meredith shuddered. "And my father hates me. He thinks I killed Susan. I was there, when she died, I was there and she was so scared and she reached for me, but there was nothing I could do. And when I told him, he yelled and he blamed me and..." Meredith trailed off as he hand came unconsciously to her cheek. "He hit me," she choked out. "And he practically chased us out of the funeral. He yelled and said I wasn't ever welcome and he... he told Derek to run for the hills."

"Meredith..."

"No," she stepped even further back, avoiding any contact with Carol. She didn't deserve it. "I can't even... my sister started at the hospital. My half sister, that I hadn't known about before. And she's actually really nice. And she keeps trying to get to know me and I can't... All I see when I look at her is the life I never had. I won't let her in. I don't do the family thing. I don't. I... you don't want me anywhere near your family." She shook her head again, trying to calm down, but she was well out of control. She had no idea how she had gotten this hysterical, or why things kept tumbling out of her mouth, but she just couldn't stop.

"Just because you've had bad luck with another family, doesn't mean anything."

Meredith wanted to scream. Carol was far to calm. And quiet. And supportive. Just like Derek. It was an annoying quality in another human being when you were freaking out. People were supposed to yell at you and leave. That's the reaction she was used to. That was the reaction she expected. If Carol would just yell or scoff or turn away, it would give Meredith the route to run.

"It's their loss and our gain."

Her breathing was gradually falling under her own control again, but her mind still whirled; her world still spun. "No, it's not. You think I'm helping, but I'm not. Derek's a good person. He'd do the right thing without me. That's what he does. But not me. I've hurt people. I've hurt him."

"Sometimes that happens in a relationship..."

"No, I mean I really hurt him. I almost changed him. Forever. I made a stupid mistake. And I died... I died. And he saved me. But it was really close. And they wouldn't let him help. And he couldn't save my mother either. And he was just all alone on the floor... and if I hadn't come back..." A fresh batch of tears sprung to her eyes. "If I hadn't come back you'd be stuck with a different son. He would have changed. And then you would have lost Derek and Mark." She was no longer shaking so violently, but she still clutched her arms tightly to her torso, gasping as the odd tremor coursed through her tense body. Her eyes were firmly set on a spot on the floor. She couldn't make eye contact with anyone in the silent kitchen.

"Meredith, dear, I don't know what you're talking about. But regardless, you're here now. You came back. And you came here. And you are a good person. I'm a mother, I can tell."

Meredith swallowed and shook her head, but stayed silent, still staring at the spot on the floor.

"I was worried when Derek moved so far away so suddenly. I was so afraid he was throwing away his life. But, Meredith, he's happier than I've ever seen him. He has a new life. And a wonderful woman to share it with. He loves you so much, and it's obvious you love him too. I'm grateful for that; for you."

Silent tears streamed down her flushed cheeks as she finally found the courage to look up.

"Meredith, you've reconnected me with my son, and now you're responsible for bringing Mark back as well. I understand that you're not used to a supportive family, but you're a good person. And you deserve to know what its like to be part of a family; our family. You're always welcome here, Meredith. You've brought our family back together. And you make my son happier than I ever could have hoped. Don't you see it? You mean so much to so many people. And you're here. Meredith, you're already family."

There was no hint of deception or exaggeration or even a radical attempt at reassurance behind Carol's words. And this time when she stepped forward, Meredith allowed her to gently pry her arms open and pull her in tight. After only a moment of hesitation, Meredith closed her arms around the older woman's frame. She breathed a last shuddery breath as a few stray tears made their way down the well worn path of her cheeks. It was the first time in her life that she had ever experienced something so comforting and relieving and... maternal.

"Thank-you," Meredith whispered.

"It's what I'm here for, dear."

Meredith took a deep breath and almost laughed at Carol's choice of words. They had more of an effect on her than the woman would ever know. She felt calmer and lighter than she had felt in as long as she could remember. She was doing the relationship thing. And she was doing the family thing. And, apparently, she was doing them both well. She wanted to shake her head at her earlier anger towards Mark. She had inwardly chastised him for his ignorance regarding his place in this family; all the while she had been ignoring hers.

She breathed easily and there was a short period of calm before footsteps entered the kitchen. Meredith looked up and caught Derek's worried gaze over Carol's shoulder.

"What did you do to her?" Derek demanded as he swiftly dodged his sisters. "You promised me you'd be nice to her if I left you alone."

"Oh, Derek, honestly," Carol chastised as she released her hold on Meredith.

"Are you okay?" He asked worriedly as he took both of her hands in one of his and used his free hand to cup her face. "I'm sorry I went downstairs. I know I said I'd be here, but you were talking to Nancy and I thought you were okay."

She smiled up at him and squeezed his hand. "I'm okay. I had a family... awkward... thing. But I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

She pulled one hand out of his grasp to clutch the collar of his shirt and leaned her forehead against his chin, breathing in the comforting scent wafting from the crook of his neck. His hand slid around and down to rest on her upper spine, right between her shoulder blades. "I'm sure," she whispered. "I've never been more sure."

He kissed the top of her head and pulled away to meet her gaze. His eyes silently questioned hers, looking for a reason for her emotions.

She smiled at his concern and leaned up to kiss him. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too," he responded with a small smile, only serving to momentarily block the confusion.

She took a breath and glanced over at the three women who were quietly working on dinner, giving them space. The unknown substance Nancy had been kneading was now being scooped out in reddish blobs and flattened into small patty-cakes. _So that's how you make homemade hamburgers. _She looked back into Derek's eyes and nodded. "You can go back downstairs."

He narrowed his eyes. "But..."

She almost laughed at his expression. He probably thought she was going crazy. He had left her alone with his family for all of a half hour, and then walked in on her in tears. And now she was telling him to go back downstairs and leave her in the same situation as before. Maybe she was going crazy, but this was something she could do; this was something she wanted to do. "It's okay, Derek. I'm okay. Go back downstairs," she commanded gently.

He looked about to protest, but the look in her eyes stopped him and he nodded. "Okay. I'll... okay." He leaned down and met her lips one more time before he squeezed her hand and excused himself from the room.

Meredith smiled and breathed, and then returned to her spot beside Kathleen, silently cutting up vegetables. Kathleen offered her a short, supportive smile. A new conversation was born out of a random subject with absolutely no emotional connections, and Meredith took an equal part, no inhibitions about speaking after her scene. And there she was, a girl with abandonment issues and family issues and belonging issues, standing in the kitchen with Derek's mother and two of his sisters preparing a freaking salad. And yet, there was no where else she'd rather be.

_**AN: **__**Twenty-five freaking pages later... It's like a disease, I just can't stop writing. This is the longest chapter yet. I know there's a horrendous amount of dialogue, but I need to get through so much, and I really don't want a hundred chapters dedicated to Thanksgiving alone. **__**Regarding Nancy, I know**__** from reading other **__**fics**__** that the general consensus is**__** everyone really hated her (or not so much her, but her reaction to **__**Mer**__**) from the episode she was in. But, to be perfectly honest, I don't completely share the sentiment. The sister the show portrayed was loyal to the sister-in-law and surrogate brother she had known for so long, but she obviously loved her brother, and we didn't get to see her interact with Addison or Mark after hearing of their affair. And, in the context of this **__**fic**__**, I think she was perfectly justified. For all she knew, Derek was having a midlife crisis, and Meredith was a **__**slutty**__** intern looking to get ahead or whatever. It's not like Derek gave her a chance to interact with Meredith.**__** So, anyway, my point; I don't hate Nancy. In this **__**fic**__** at least, she's not the bad guy.**__** Thanks everyone for reading this far!**___


	42. Touchdown!

For the second time in two days, Meredith awoke to the sounds of small feet speeding past the door of the unfamiliar room. Although, there seemed to be more feet involved in the small stampede than the previous morning. She breathed happily as the warmth of Derek's grasp around her middle seeped into her consciousness. She smiled happily at the deep, even breathing she could feel emanating from the strong chest pressed flush against her back. He was definitely not awake before her this morning.

A glance towards the large window beside the bed showed her hints of sunlight streaming through the curtains. It was well into the morning hours. They should get up soon and join the fray of Thanksgiving preparation she had been warned about the previous evening. But she was hesitant to leave the warm and fuzzy feelings of absolute...perfection just yet. The previous few days had been a whirlwind of emotion; from extreme anxiety and terror to comfortable happiness and, for the first time in her life, a sense of belonging. He had promised her a lifetime. He had promised her a family. And he had promised her happiness.

And he had delivered.

It wasn't that she hadn't believed him. They had been working on the trust thing, and she found herself relying on him and trusting him to be there more and more with each passing month. It was amazing what some consistency in her life had finally allowed her to do. But when he had promised her a place in his family... she hadn't expected this. She had expected being accepted as Derek's girlfriend, and maybe one day more, but this was... She hadn't expected to be accepted as a person. They actually liked her. They were interested in her. They wanted her. _Her_. Meredith. No one had ever wanted her before. No one. Not even the people who were supposed to want her. But one fateful evening, sixteen months prior, a cocky, handsome man with a dreamy smile and a red shirt decided he wanted her for the night. And even though she had long since promised herself no more random one night stands, she had been unable to resist his charm. _Just this last time_, she had told herself. And the following morning, even though the obvious effects of the alcohol had worn off, the handsome man from the bar still smiled at her with the same dreamy smile from the night before.

And it turned out he hadn't just wanted her for one night. And it hadn't just been about the chase. And he hadn't wanted her as a just a friend. He wanted her as a partner. He wanted her forever. And now, his family wanted her. And not just because she was Derek's girlfriend. They actually wanted her for her.

And that was freaking amazing.

She sighed happily and revelled in the feeling of being in his arms. It was a good feeling; to be wanted. Derek shifted slightly, burying his face into the back of her neck and closing his hand around her fingers, almost as if he was unconsciously reminding her just how much he wanted her. And even though she knew there was no way he knew what she was thinking, it made her smile anyway. Because even in his sleep, he wanted her.

Derek shifted again, his legs pulling away from the backs of her knees as they stretched downward, the front of his shins brushing along the backs of her heels. He sighed against her and pushed his right leg between hers, and hooked his ankle over her foot before settling. She smiled to herself as his breathing slowly became shallow and less regular.

"Morning," he eventually muttered groggily into the back of her neck.

"Morning," she whispered back.

He tilted his head slightly, so that his chin pointed up from the base of her neck instead of right into her smooth skin. "How long have you been awake?"

"Not long."

He snorted at the role reversal, but didn't comment. "Sleep good?"

She smiled and pressed herself into his body. "Wonderfully. You?"

He groaned at her position and kissed the side of her neck. "Almost perfect."

"Almost?"

"Too much clothes. And too much pent up... stuff..." His breath was hot against her skin.

She giggled. "You know the rules."

He growled slightly. "Rules were meant to be broken." He ran his lips and teeth along the side of her neck.

Meredith gasped and closed her eyes, unable to muster the energy to counter his advances. "Derek..."

He smirked against her neck and gently pulled her over, onto her back. He kissed his way along her jaw line.

"Der..."

His hand found her hemline and expertly eased itself under the ratty old _Dartmouth_ tee he loved so much on her. "I knew you'd break," he mumbled as his hand wandered higher.

Meredith huffed and brought her hand down over top of his, grabbing onto his fingers through the thin material. "You knew you'd break me?" She asked, an eyebrow raised.

He met her eyes and smirked. "Figure of speech."

She snorted and lifted her head to kiss him. And then pushed his hand out from under her shirt and slid out of bed.

"Whah... no. Where are you going?" Derek stared at her with wide eyes.

It was her turn to smirk. "You had your chance, and I gotta tell you, you almost pulled it off. But seriously, Derek, thanks for reminding me not to 'break'."

"Come on, Mer. I didn't mean it that way." He grumbled.

She shook her head with a smile. "Rules, Derek."

He mock glared at her. "Mer..."

"Der..." She countered.

He sighed.

She rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Derek. It's been like two days."

"Seriously, Meredith. It's been like _three _days. You worked before we flew out here."

She laughed at his tenacity. "Fine. Three days."

He nodded emphatically. "And I've had to spend practically the entire last two days with you."

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry. You had to spend it with me?"

He laughed. "That's not what I meant." He rolled out of bed and hooked his hands around her waist. "I meant I've spent the past two days with you, around you all the time, without being able to...have you." He leaned his face in close to hers, his lips barely a hair's width from hers. "Let me show you how much you mean to me..."

Meredith felt her heart jump. The situation was quickly getting out of hand. "I think I already know how much I mean to you." She pecked him on the lips. "And I definitely know how much you mean to me." Another peck. "Which is why it's so important for me to be able to come back here again."

He grumbled and kissed her quickly. "I swear, if I didn't love you so much..." He trailed off good naturedly and kissed her one more time. "Poor sheets, though. They really thought this was their time..."

Meredith laughed out loud as he smiled down at her. "Seriously," she muttered.

"Seriously," he said with a straight face and a nod. Then a smile broke out and he kissed her one more time. "Now, if you'll excuse me, it seems I'm in need of another rather cold shower..."

000

Dressed comfortably in jeans, a tank top and a light, zip up sweater, Meredith made her way down the back stairs, through the front hall and living room to join the crowd of people in the kitchen. By the time she had blow dried her hair and dressed, Derek had already been gone. The majority of the house was unusually quiet, albeit for the hum of activity behind the swing door before her.

The previous day had been simply wonderful. The expected conflict and tension with Nancy hadn't been there. The potential awkwardness with Kathleen hadn't been there. Any possible attempts on Carol's part to distance her home or her family hadn't been there. And even though Meredith had nearly cried several times, and then completely broken down in front of the Shepherd women, she hadn't felt embarrassed afterward. If someone had told her at the airport that she would do such a thing, Meredith was pretty sure she would have taken Derek up on his offer to stay in Seattle for the holiday. But the evening had gone well. Derek had gone back downstairs and she had rejoined the dinner making effort. Carol and Nancy had even shown her how to make the hamburger patties. And even though she did everything exactly how they did and hers still turned out oddly shaped and lumpy, it hadn't mattered. Because she was being included. And dinner had gone well. The boys had been called up to barbeque and the whole family had eaten together. It was an experience unlike any she'd ever known. And the most amazing part was the complete normalcy of the situation to everyone else. Grabbing a burger and a bun and stopping by the table to apply all combinations of toppers and sauce, before wandering around the kitchen and back deck as you ate and talked, was normal for them. They got together often. And this was what they did. And it was amazing. Because she loved it. And she was confident she would be doing it again. Many times.

With only a short pause of hesitation, hoping the previous day hadn't just been a dream, Meredith pushed open the door, and joined the fray. She was greeted with a chorus of smiles and nods, 'good mornings' and 'Happy Thanksgivings.' Kathleen and Simon were standing along the counter preparing breakfast foods and coffee. Mark was bent over, staring into the oven, at what Meredith could only presume was the turkey. Derek and Nancy were leaning up against the far side of the island, and the rest of the family was seated at the table. All of the kids must have been downstairs.

"You did bring her," a familiar voice rang out and Meredith smiled as she recognized Anna at the table, looking frazzled and exhausted as she clung to a steaming mug. It had been after midnight when Meredith and Derek had gone to bed the night before, but Anna and her family still hadn't arrived.

"Of course I brought her," Derek countered. "I'll never go anywhere without her."

Anna set her mug down on the table and jumped up, striding over to Meredith in three quick steps. "It's good to see you again," she said brightly as she pulled Meredith into a hug.

Meredith smiled at the greeting method she was slowly becoming accustomed to. "You too. How late did you get here?"

Anna sighed and pulled away, stepping back and reaching for her coffee. "You mean how early did we get here?" She corrected with a wry smile.

"Oh," Meredith flinched. "That bad, huh?"

Derek's younger sister nodded. "But, that's life as a surgeon," she smiled.

Meredith nodded. "I totally understand. I worked a twenty-four hour shift, drove home, showered and then we left for the airport to come here."

Anna shook her head with an understanding smile. "Oh," she said suddenly as her eyes darted across the table. "That's my husband Spencer."

Meredith stepped over to the equally tired looking man. He stood to shake her hand, revealing he was relatively tall, but not overly built; supported by toned arms and legs. Definitely the body of a runner. He smiled welcomingly at her, despite the exhaustion. His face was warm and friendly, a hint of a smile in the corner of his eyes. "It's nice to me you," he said warmly.

"You too," she responded. "I've heard so much about you."

Spencer narrowed his eyes and glanced at his wife and then back to Meredith. "What about?"

She smiled. "I've heard you're pretty good with photoshop."

Anna snorted. "You guys told her that already?"

"Hey, it was one of my better achievements," Spencer countered. "No one else in this family has a triple doctorate..."

"No one is this family has a doctorate period, dumbass," Nancy muttered with a teasing smile. "A doctorate is not a med degree." Meredith laughed as she strolled over to Derek and leaned up beside him along the counter.

"Then why is it called a _doctor_ate?"

Nancy shrugged. "It's a PhD; doctor of philosophy."

"That's stupid."

Nancy laughed. "Maybe so, but I didn't make it up."

"But you brought it up."

"Cause you were wrong-"

"Children!" Carol chastised with a gently smile. "Honestly, you'd think you belong downstairs _with _the children." She laughed and met Meredith's eyes. "They're together for minutes and suddenly they're regressing decades."

Meredith laughed.

Spencer laughed. "We're not that bad. I'm sure Meredith does the same thing."

Anna shook her head. "No, Meredith is lucky. She was an only child."

"I was an only child too, once upon a time," Spencer told her. "Until this lot corrupted me."

"Oh, you've done your fare share of corrupting," Simon stated as he slid around the counter, two mugs in hand. "Here you go, Meredith," he said as he thrust one into her hands and then stumbled over to collapse at the table.

"Th-thanks," she managed to respond through her surprise. Derek's brother-in-law had given her coffee. Just because. She dipped her nose and inhaled the addictive scent wafting up from the warm mug. Derek's hand looped around her waist and his lips found purchase right above her ear.

"Good shower?" He asked quietly.

She smiled. "Probably warmer than yours."

"That was a cheap shot," he mumbled as he pressed his lips against the side of her head, causing her to laugh slightly.

"Sorry."

He sighed and inhaled deeply, breathing the fresh scent of lavender. It was always strongest after she had just showered. "Happy Thanksgiving," he whispered.

She smiled. "Happy Thanksgiving."

"This is _so _much better than last year."

"Derek, it's only the morning."

"And already it's better."

She shook her head.

"I'm serious."

"Because you're not working? And you're here?"

He shrugged. "Mostly because you're here."

She smiled and reached out for his hand, which she squeezed tightly when she found. "And you're here," she whispered back. It hadn't fully hit her until now, what Derek had tried to explain at the airport. She'd hard his words, but the level of anxiety she had been feeling at the time had prevented her from processing them. The previous Thanksgiving had been horrible. They had spent it together, but not _together_. And she hadn't had a whole hell of a lot to be thankful for.

But all that had changed. Even though the past year had been horrible and heartbreaking and exhausting, here she was a year later, with a hell of a lot to be thankful for. And most of it was because of the man standing right beside her, holding her hand.

"So, Meredith, are you up for a game?"

Meredith's eyes shot over towards Simon, who was looking expectantly her way. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Touch football. You up for a game?"

Meredith blinked. "Football."

"Yes."

She blinked again. "Like the sport?"

Kathleen laughed. "Don't tell me you've never played."

Meredith choked back a laugh and shook her head. "That would be a definite no."

"How can that be?" Spencer asked. "Football is an institution on Thanksgiving. How can you not ever have played it?"

Meredith shrugged. "I guess I've never really celebrated Thanksgiving before."

"Well, today, that all changes," Spencer announced. "You can be on my team. We always win."

"Not true, man," Mark called from his guarding position by the oven. "We took you down in oh-three."

Spencer snorted. "You cheated."

"You do what you gotta do. And we won."

"You did not."

"We did too..."

Carol shook her head. "Spencer, you claim we corrupted you, and yet you always seemed to be involved..."

Spencer laughed. "It's not my fault. They gang up on me."

Carol smiled affectionately at her youngest son-in-law. "What ever you say, dear."

000

An hour later, Meredith found herself outside on Carol's back lawn, swathed in a green jersey, with a strip of green material hanging from her waist like a tail, actually participating in a huddle. Spencer, true to his word, had ensured she was on his team, along with Kathleen and Anna. Derek, Simon, Nancy and Dean were dressed in red, and were engaged in a similar huddle across the large stretch of grass. Meredith hadn't been outside other than during the barbeque the night before, but in the sunlight, it was beautiful. A grassy hill dropped off lightly away from the house for several hundred feet, before levelling off onto an expansive, flat area they were now playing football on. There was a foresty bit in the near distance to the right, and to the left, a path led down a hill towards a small pond. Random trees and small groupings scattered the landscape. It was breathtaking, really. She couldn't imagine having grown up here.

"Why isn't Mark playing?" She questioned, suddenly concerned Mark was being left out, or was actively uninvolving himself in fear of being left out. It's what she would have done.

Kathleen snorted. "Mark doesn't play anymore. Not since he beat Spencer."

"Allegedly," Spencer cut in.

Kathleen rolled her eyes. "Fine, Mark hasn't played since he _allegedly_ beat Spencer. Something about remaining undefeated. Although we all kind of think he prefers tending to the turkey, and it gives him an excuse to watch the parade with the kids without being made fun of."

Meredith laughed. "Okay, so the point is to wait for you to say hut, get the ball and run past the other team?" They had gone over the rules with her in the kitchen before making their way down the hill to the field, but she just wanted to clarify things before she made an ass out of herself.

Spencer nodded. "Yes. You need to try to get open, so run past the other team and catch the ball."

Meredith shook her head. "How will you be able to throw it to me?"

"You just run and look up."

"But if I'm moving...?"

Spencer laughed. "I threw junior varsity in college. I'll get the ball to you. You just worry about catching it."

Meredith wasn't sure what he meant, but she nodded. "Oh, I am, worried that is." They had practiced a few throws, and she had managed to catch a few, but they were all stationary and slow. And no one was trying to chase her down. "And I need to take these things," she reached around to pull a sliver of material from the belt around her waist, "From the other team."

Spencer nodded. "Yes. We don't tackle, because people get hurt. And we tried just touching, but people cheat..." He glared up at the house, where Mark was busy in the kitchen. "We implemented these after the two-thousand-three disaster."

Meredith laughed.

"You got it?"

She shrugged. "Only one way to find out, though, seriously, you'll regret having me on your team."

"Not a chance."

Meredith allowed Kathleen and Anna to position her between them, facing Simon, Dean and Derek. It Nancy stood back, behind her team-mates, as did Spencer. It seemed to Meredith that you faced off individually, which meant that all she had to do was get by one person. And her person appeared to be Dean, who she was told was rather clutzy. She could do this.

There was a pause, and then Spencer said some things that sounded like complete jibberish in Meredith's head, and then he said hut and she ran... right into Dean. She felt a whoosh of air rush out of her lungs as they collided. She reacted on instinct, spun, pulled the tag off his belt and ran. Sure enough, the ball was flying seamlessly through the air towards her. She slowed and raised her hand, the red band still wrapped around her fist and watched as the ball bounced right off her fingers.

"Damn it!" She exclaimed. "So close."

Derek approached her with barely contained laughter. "Mer, honey, that was very impressive, but you're only supposed to take the other teams tags if they have the ball."

Meredith paused and looked down at the length of red fabric in her hands. She glanced back up to see the other six also laughing at her. "But..." She looked to Spencer. "But you said to take them."

Spencer laughed. "You're right. I did. I didn't realize Derek wasn't properly educating you in sports. If the other team has the ball, you take these to stop them. It ends the play."

Meredith huffed and passed the strip of fabric back to Dean. "Well, you could have told me that before."

Before she knew it, they were lined up again, in the same order. This time, however, she didn't get past Dean. And Spencer never managed to throw the ball. And somehow, by the time she turned around, it was all over, and Nancy was holding the ball with a triumphant smirk.

"Okay, so now I try to get the tags?" She questioned as she lined up again. She was now on the outside, but still facing Dean.

"Yes."

The first time the ball was thrown it hit the ground, only feet in front of Derek, who had gotten past his sister untagged.

The second time Nancy sent her team away from her, Dean pulled a similar move she had, and got past her. Meredith turned and raced after him, and successfully pulled the red fabric from his belt once again. As she slowed, she caught a flash in the air above her before something solid slammed into her torso. Reacting instinctively, she staggered backwards and was surprised find herself clutching at the ball. She blinked, and then smiled. "I caught it!" She exclaimed as she looked up to see her team-mates yelling at her. They were motioning for her to run. She blinked again and took a step forward, right as a familiar form crashed into her.

"Good catch," Derek whispered as he kissed her cheek.

"Wha-" she cut off when she felt his hands at her back, pulling the tag off of her belt.

"Derek!" Kathleen criticised with a light smack on her brother's head. "No distracting our team-mate."

Derek smirked and pulled his arms away from Meredith, triumphantly holding her green tag up in his hand.

"I don't understand..."

Kathleen rolled her eyes at her brother and snatched the fabric back from him. "Put this back on," she told Meredith, as she passed it back to her. "Derek's being an ass."

"I still don't understand."

Kathleen smiled. "You're supposed to run when you catch the ball."

Meredith nodded. "But Nancy threw it, for the other team."

"But you intercepted. That gets us the ball back. Any time you catch the ball, you run."

"Oh..." She trailed off and glared at Derek. "So you ruined my first chance to score a point?"

"It's actually seven points," he corrected.

"That's even worse."

He smirked. "Not my fault I'm better than you."

"Oh, it's on, Shepherd."

Apparently having caught the ball meant it was back to her team again. After several valid attempts, Simon managed to intercept the ball and get halfway across the field before Anna caught up and pulled the tag from his belt.

"Okay, we're really close to their end-zone," Spencer said, as they had a quick team meeting. "So we need to get the ball back."

Meredith nodded and lined up. Derek smirked at her from his position one over, facing Kathleen. Meredith glared back with sudden determination. When Dean charged her, he barely got past her before she had ripped out his tag. And Simon had gotten past Anna, but Meredith was already on her way. She managed to cut in front of his trajectory, pause and pray as the ball flew through the air towards them. Simon had obviously misjudged the distance, because he had gone too far and was backtracking now. Meredith only had to take a few steps to the right... and suddenly she was reaching up and the ball was in her hands. She only hesitated long enough for a heartbeat before she was running towards the opposite end of the field, Simon on her trail. She was pretty sure she could out run Simon long enough to reach her end-zone when Derek's hurrying form swept into her periphery. She shortened her stride, closed her eyes and ducked to the left right as she was almost at him. There was no impact. She heard an oompf behind her, but she was still on her feet, and her team-mates were screaming. She ran freely through the invisible line between the spikes marking her end-zone.

She laughed out loud as she slowed and turned in time to see Derek and Simon sprawled out on the grass together.

"Meredith!" Anna called as she ran into her. "That was awesome!"

Meredith laughed and returned the hug. Soon Kathleen joined them. And then Spencer.

"What did I tell you, Meredith? You're a natural!" Spencer exclaimed.

Kathleen was near tears. "Oh, Meredith. I wished you'd seen it." She motioned to where her husband and her brother were now still sitting on the ground, shaking their heads, as Nancy stood over then, hands on her hips, yelling. "They didn't see each other. Derek ran right into Simon. Took them both out..." She trailed off in laughter. "God, I wish we had that on tape."

Meredith, now free from her group hug, collapsed onto the grass beside Derek, smirking. "We won," she panted as she struggled to catch her breath after her exertion.

He glared at her. "You didn't win. You just got the first points."

"What? That didn't mean we win?" Spencer shook his head. "Crap," she panted. "I don't think I can do that again."

Kathleen laughed as she collapsed beside Meredith. "Come on, girl, how much cardio do you do?"

Meredith blinked. "What?" Anna and Spencer joined the movement of sitting down for a break, and were soon following by Nancy and Dean, creating a lopsided circle.

"Cardio." Kathleen prompted. "How much do you do?"

"Like... exercise?"

Derek snorted. "Are you kidding? She doesn't exercise."

"Shut up," she told him, swiping at his chest.

He laughed and caught her hand.

"You have to do something," Nancy said.

Meredith shook her head. "Not really. I tried running...once..." She shook her head. "It didn't end well."

"Then you must not eat to keep a form like that."

Derek snorted again. "Oh, she eats. She eats more than me."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you- Hey!" He exclaimed when she wrenched her hand out of his.

Kathleen rolled her eyes. "Regarding food," she glanced up at the house, and then back at her siblings, her eyes sparkling with conspiracy. "What are we going to do to Mark this year?" She turned to Meredith. "Did Derek tell you about our annual practical jokes on Mark?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, that you switch things; wine with cranberry juice, cranberry sauce with jam, gravy with chocolate syrup..."

"That wasn't out best idea," Anna mumbled. "Turkey and chocolate syrup..." She shook her head. "At least the kids liked it."

"Good, you're on board then," Kathleen nodded at Meredith. "So, what are we doing this year?" She glanced around.

"We could try to replace the timer again," Dean suggested.

"No, he doesn't let the thing out of his sight anymore," Anna countered.

"We could glue the cupboards shut," Spencer suggested.

"Yes, honey, cause my mother wouldn't mind at all..." Anna rolled her eyes.

"Do you have any of those child safety locks?" Meredith spoke up. All eyes were on her. She swallowed. "George, my roommate, old roommate, and I...we were going to lock the cupboards as a joke once, because our other roommate liked to bake at all hours...so we were going to trick her..."

"That's freaking brilliant," Nancy said. "There must be some around. We'll have to ask mom. What happened when you did it to your roommate?"

"Oh, well, we never... I mean, we were going to, but then...well, let's just say it was her therapy and she really needed to bake..." She knew she was getting rambly, and it was earning her a few odd looks. She took a breath, realizing she was avoiding for no reason. "Her, uh, her fiancé died. So, she really needed to be able to bake."

"That's horrible."

"Yeah, it was," Meredith agreed, suddenly realizing Derek had reclaimed her hand when he squeezed it. "He was a heart patient. And he had a transplant and was doing really well, and then had a stroke..." Memories of Izzy lying across the bathroom floor fluttered through her memory. It seemed so long ago, and yet it had been far less than a year.

"This isn't the same friend who yelled at you?" Anna asked.

"What?"

"When you two showed us your apartment, and your friend showed up and yelled because you beat her. Derek told us she had lost her fiancé, but that he'd left..."

Meredith shook her head. "No, different people."

"That's some bad luck," Spencer commented. "Any of your friend's actually get married?"

"George did," Meredith said with a shrug. "For a few months at least."

"A few months?"

"His dad died. And he was crushed. And he and his girlfriend went to Vegas and came back married. It didn't last long." _Because he slept with the friend whose fiancé died,_ she thought wryly. She and her friends really did have confusing and intertwined love lives now that she thought about it.

"That's too bad."

"Yeah." She sighed as Derek squeezed her hand.

"Well, obviously you two will be the first with the happy ending," Anna said brightly.

Meredith bit her lip and blushed slightly as everyone smiled and Derek dropped her hand to shuffle closer and wrap his arm around her waist. "That's the plan," he said.

"Well, you got my vote, bro," Spencer spoke up. "She's one hell of a football player."

Meredith snorted. "I scored one touchdown thing."

"That's one more than anyone else. And you managed to tag one, and take out two, of the opposite team in one play. And that was freaking awesome."

"Wasn't awesome," Simon muttered. "Freaking painful is more like it."

Derek laughed. "Definitely going to hurt in the morning." He put his free hand to his ribs and winced slightly.

Meredith laughed. "You deserved it."

"Says who?"

She faced him, smirking. "Says me."

He chuckled and kissed her for several moments before she remembered that his sisters and brothers-in-law were right there. She pulled away and blushed again, but no one seemed to care.

"Meredith, I have to ask," Kathleen said, as she leaned in close, her gaze landing somewhere below Meredith's chin. "What's the pendant of?"

Meredith brought her hand unwittingly to the chain around her neck. It was long enough so that it was usually covered by her scrub top, and she rarely wore anything with low neck lines, so it was barely ever noticed. But today, with the simple tank top and zippered sweater, it was hanging in plain view. "Oh, it's, uh, a scalpel."

"A scalpel, really?" Anna crawled forward for a better look. "It is too. That's so cool. Where did you get it?"

Meredith smiled and leaned into the warmth beside her. "Derek," she said simply.

Anna sat back beside Spencer. "You got that for her?"

Derek nodded. "As a congrats for becoming a resident."

Anna's expression softened for several seconds. "That's so sweet." She turned to her husband and swiped a hand across his chest. "Why don't you ever do things like that for me?"

Spencer looked flustered. "I... do... I..." He trailed off and glared at Derek. "Thanks man, you're making me look bad." He turned back to his wife. "I give you lots of things."

She met his eyes with a mock glare.

He raised an eyebrow. "Lots of things," he continued. "Things that you really, _really_ like..."

"Spencer!" She exclaimed as she shoved him away from her. "So inappropriate."

He smirked. "Inappropriate, maybe, but true."

Anna huffed and glared at her husband. She turned back to Meredith. "Have you chosen a specialty yet?"

Meredith shook her head, suddenly nervous. "No, not yet. I, uh, I'm trying but it's hard... to choose. Cause there's no going back. But I will... choose, that is. I will. Soon. Very soon..." She felt Derek exhale and pull her a little closer. He knew exactly why she was uneasy. _Have you chosen a specialty yet? Cristina's already chosen __Cardiothoracic__s__ You're waiting to be inspired? Are you freaking kidding me?_

Anna laughed. "It's no rush, right? I didn't choose until the end of my second year." She shrugged, very nonchalant. Like it really wasn't a big deal.

Meredith breathed. "What did you choose?"

"General. I just really like the variety. And there's always room for improving techniques. Always new laparoscopic methods and less invasive ways. I guess I liked the challenge."

Meredith nodded. "I like general, for the same reasons, I guess. And I really like neuro," she didn't have to look at Derek to know he was smirking. She rolled her eyes. "And Mark is pushing me towards plastics..."

"Can't choose plastics over neuro," Derek stated. "Seriously."

Meredith laughed. "I just don't want to choose the wrong one for the wrong reason."

"So, you don't want to chose neuro, and have everyone assume it was because of Derek, and you don't want to not choose it just to avoid that problem."

Meredith nodded. "Exactly."

"Well, there's a simple solution, then," Anna said with a bright smile. "Choose general, then it'll give us something to talk about."

Meredith laughed. "Cause that wouldn't be for the wrong reasons..."

Anna shrugged. "It was worth a shot."

Meredith sighed. "Yeah. I like it, but I don't want people to think I was destined into it, or that I have some path to follow, just because of my mother."

"Who's your mother?"

"Ellis Grey."

Anna nearly choked. "Your mother is Ellis Grey? That is so cool. That is... wow! Ellis Grey. Wow. I..." She trailed off to collect her thoughts. Even Kathleen and Nancy looked interested; they may not be surgeons, but they knew the name. "Wow," Anna repeated. "I've read everything your mother ever wrote. She's amazing. I... I'd love to meet her..."

Meredith blinked and tried not to smile. "Well, I'd love to introduce you, but she died..." She said gently.

"Shit! Sorry. I knew that," Anna said quickly, looking apologetic. "I knew that, and I..." She sighed. "I'm sorry."

Meredith waved a hand. "It's no problem. It happens."

The conversation moved on to topics more interesting to the non surgeons of the group, who apparently held majority and were getting bored. It was well over an hour before Spencer suggested they get back to the game. Derek had peeled himself away from her and staggered to his feet before offering her a hand and pulling her up. She smiled as his hands came to her waist and she leaned into his warmth, hands automatically finding his shoulders and his hair as she kissed him. He held her tightly when she pulled back, resting his forehead against hers. Meredith closed her eyes and felt a shock of something new and unknown run through her body; not unlike the electricity bolts that normally wreaked havoc on her while she was in his arms, but stronger, and clearer, and more... familial or something. He evidently felt it to, because he tightened his grip on her and sighed. "I love you," he whispered.

Meredith didn't know what she was feeling, only that something had shifted, and she loved it. She had just spent an hour sitting on the ground, talking to his family. And now she was in his arms, as he whispered wonderful things to her. "I love you, too."

"Okay, lovebirds," Spencer's voice broke into her reverie. "We have a game to finish."

Derek laughed and glared at Spencer over her shoulder.

Spencer huffed and rolled his eyes. "Come on, Derek, let go of my little MVP."

Meredith laughed and kissed Derek once more; quick and light, like a habit. "Okay, Shepherd, I have to get back to helping kick your ass now."

"That's the spirit," Spencer said with a nod. "I'm telling you, Derek, I like this one."

"I do, too," Derek responded. "Most of the time, at least." He released her with a mock glare and she slowly slid her hands back down his chest. "You watch yourself, Grey, we won't be going easy on you anymore..."

"Is that a threat?"

He smirked. "When it's a threat, you'll know it..."

She laughed and followed Spencer to their side of the field for a quick round of strategizing.

They played uninterrupted for the better part of the next hour, Meredith going so far as to learn new plays, where she ran behind Spencer for the ball. And even managed to fake Derek out once by pretending to have the ball.

_'You're a tease,' he had said when he caught up to her__ 'I thought that behaviour was reserved to the bedroom.'_

_'Derek!' she had exclaimed, even though she was sure no one had heard. _

_'Just speaking the truth.'_

_She had grumbled some form of answer, but laughed despite herself as his arms snaked around her. 'I'm having fun,' she had whispered._

_He had smiled brightly towards her, going so far as to lift her in his arms and spin them half way around a circle. 'Me, too,' he whispered. __'Me, too.'_

The green team was solidly in the lead when Carol and the kids wandered down the hill, which evidently signalled the end of the adult only game.

"The parade is over," Carol called as the kids divvied themselves up in a fashion Meredith couldn't fathom. She was quickly introduced to Anna and Spencer's kids Kimberly and Spencer, jr, which was apparently a family name. Kimberly was almost five and quite happy just to be out with her cousins, while Spencer was only three and sat on the hill with his grandmother watching the game. And Meredith spotted Mark wandering down the hill to sit with Carol and little Spencer.

No one specifically told her, but Meredith immediately realized that the rules of the game had changed. The point now seemed to be to pass the ball off to a child as soon as possible. The kids made many successful plays that were 'missed' by the adults, and she took part in the cheering for both sides. She watched as Kathleen's youngest, Megan, get a hold of the ball, but only make it a few feet before her older cousins intercepted. After the third or forth attempt, the poor girl looked like she was near tears, but to her surprise, when Derek next got a hold of the ball, he passed it to his young niece, scooped her up and ran towards their end-zone, Megan laughing and screaming as she was sped past her cousins.

Meredith realized they were coming right for her, so she put up an act of trying to stop him. She chased after them, and managed to catch a hold of Derek's arm. He slowed and placed Megan on the ground. "Run, Megan!" He exclaimed as he released her and she ran as fast as her six year old legs would take her. Derek locked his arm around Meredith, as if to stop her from going after the young girl, and they watched together as she made it past the goal line.

"I did it!" She yelled and made a show of spiking the football to the ground and came running back towards her uncle.

Derek left her side and met Megan half way, scooping her up high into the air as her family cheered. "Touchdown!" He exclaimed animatedly as he spun her around.

"Touchdown!" Megan repeated.

Meredith's throat was sudden dry as she watched Derek interact with his niece. She'd seen him interact with young patients before, and she'd watched him over the past two days as he'd greeted and talked to his nieces and nephews, but this was... She breathed. This was him going out of his way to set up a good memory for one of them. This was... She swallowed hard, as her eyes welled under no effort from her. This was... She had a flash. A flash of a future. A flash of something she knew he wanted; of something she was unsure of. But for a moment, for a single, perfect, moment, she forgot to be afraid. And what she saw was... astounding. They could have that. They could have the perfect moments. She breathed and blinked her eyes dry as Derek came back towards her, a beaming Megan still in his arms.

"I did it!" Megan exclaimed.

Meredith smiled brightly at the young girl. "Great job, Megan. But you watch out next time, I almost caught you..."

Megan giggled in response. Derek set her down and she went racing off to her mother, while Derek turned and went back for the ball. Meredith breathed, realizing her moment had gone completely under everyone's radar. She breathed again. And suddenly she had a new perspective. Ellis Grey had surely never played touch football with Thatcher's family on Thanksgiving. Ellis Grey never had moments. But Meredith Grey definitely did.

Derek ran back with the ball, slowing for a quick kiss as he passed her and rejoined his team. Meredith felt that new feeling again and turned back to the game, realising it hadn't even been forty-eight hours since her mini panic attack in the airport. And now she was perfectly comfortable, out in a beautiful field surrounded by people who had mostly been strangers before she had come here. And yet, forty-eight hours after she felt like she was going to fall over from the effort of getting on the plane, she knew what it was like to have a family.

_**AN: I'm sure I've made some mistakes, but I think I've played touch football once, a very long time ago. So, if anyone has some insight, I'm happy to hear it. Also, I'm finally beginning to work backwards and catch up with my review responses. Thanks for the pa**__**tience. Oh, and I'll give a shi**__**ny gold star to whoever catches the **__**hidden reference to Dempsey movie...**_


	43. Giving Thanks

Derek twisted his back side to side as he made his way down the stairs to the living room. After the game had ended, he had been one of the last to escape upstairs to shower and change for dinner. He had traded his jeans and old sweatshirt for slacks and a sweater over a button-up. Thanksgiving dinner at the Shepherd household wasn't overly formal, but attire needed to be a tad bit of an upgrade from the rest of the weekend.

He had barely seen Meredith since the kids had joined the game hours earlier, but any worry he had faded away as he caught sight of her on the couch, dressed in dark grey pants and a simple blouse, squished between Kathleen and Spencer as they explained the full rules of football to her as they watched the game. She looked up as he entered the room and smiled brightly at him. He smiled back, shaking his head slightly. He had never seen her so...radiant. She was happy and relaxed and looked completely at home with his family. He felt his heart swell as Spencer made a joke about one of the players and she laughed. God, how he loved that sound.

Ducking into the kitchen, Derek found Nancy, Anna and Dean sitting quietly with Carol at the table while Mark flittered around by the oven.

"What are we doing?" He asked.

Nancy widened her eyes and glared at him, and Derek inhaled, realizing they were waiting for Mark to try one of the cupboards. How they had gotten him out of the kitchen long enough to install the locks was beyond him.

He motioned that he understood with a smirk and took a seat between his mother and Anna. No matter how old they got, playing practical jokes on each other, especially Mark, never felt too immature.

"Meredith seems to be doing well, dear," Carol commented.

Derek smiled and nodded his agreement. "She is. I..." He shrugged. "I was afraid she was going to be uncomfortable, but she's really not."

Carol nodded warmly. "She just had to know she was welcome."

Derek nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah, but you have no idea how hard it is for her to feel welcome, to feel accepted..."

"I think I do, Derek," she told him honestly. She regarded him for several seconds, before standing and motioning for him to follow. He stood and followed, right in time to hear Mark cursing as they left the kitchen. No one took notice as they crept through the back of the living room, past the graduation wall, and through the hallway to the small den. It was quiet and isolated, and perfect for private talks.

"What are we doing?" Derek asked suspiciously.

Carol smiled at her son and motioned for him to sit in one of the worn arm chairs that furnished the peaceful room. She sat across from him.

"Mom..." He prompted gently.

"Don't rush me, sweetie. I want to talk to you, and I need a moment to sort out my thoughts."

"Okay," he agreed, still confused. He couldn't remember the last time his mother had pulled him away like this.

Carol sighed and met his eyes. "Firstly, Derek, I want to tell you how proud I am of you."

"Mom-"

She shook her head. "No. I talk, you listen. Derek, I'm proud of you. And your father would be proud of you. You've always been such a pleasure to have around, and you grew into such a wonderfully kind man. You've given so much to this family."

"Mom, this isn't necessary..."

"Yes, it is. Because I also need to apologize. You have been such a joy to this family, but when you needed us, we weren't there for you."

"You've always been there for me."

"No, we haven't. Not like we should." Carol sighed. "You've been through so much in the past year and a half, Derek. And when we found out that you left, and then what had happened..." She shook her head. "I couldn't believe it. I still can't fully believe it. And instead of supporting you regardless and letting you make your own decisions, we pushed you to take Addison back."

"Mom-"

"I know that you felt obligated to her, but we were a big part of that. And even though you basically disappeared and barely spoke to us, we shouldn't have judged you so quickly. And we should have let you make your own decision." There was no anger in her voice about his leaving. There was no left over tension or sense of upset, just pure honesty.

"You're my family," Derek stated quietly. "Of course you're going to be annoyingly over involved and pushy. That's what mothers and sisters are for," he said, happy to hear his mother laugh. "And as annoying as you people may be, I love that you're always there for me."

"But Derek, when you really needed us to be there, we failed you."

"I don't understand."

She sighed heavily and met his eyes and for the first time in his life, Derek recognized guilt in his mother's expression. "What we did, the pressure we put on you, the sense of obligation you felt to us, it made you choose Addison over that amazing young woman out there." She motioned towards the living room.

Derek wanted to argue, but in the end he answered with a simple nod. He had never been able to lie to his mother.

"We didn't know anything about your life other than that you lived in a trailer and worked at that hospital. And it's not all your fault. Addison told us she was flying out after you, and then she told us you had a girlfriend. And that's all we heard, all we knew. And we took everything she said at point value, and failed to see anything from your point of view. After what happened, you shouldn't be expected to put all the effort in. We should never have let ourselves believe you were having some sort of midlife crisis and throwing everything away. That's not you. I should have flown out there a year before I finally did." She sighed. "I'm so sorry, Derek." She blinked and there were tears in her eyes. "Because we couldn't fathom what had happened. We couldn't accept that we could lose you, Mark and Addison all in one moment. And it wasn't your fault at all. You didn't do anything wrong. We should have been on your side, instead of pushing for you to forgive Addison and Mark."

"I'm not completely innocent in all this. Addison and I were going down hill for a long time."

"That's still no excuse for what she did. No excuse. And there's no excuse for our behaviour. We were selfish, Derek. We wanted everything to go back to the way it was before, without any thought of your feelings." She smiled at him through teary eyes. "She's perfect for you," she said quietly.

"Meredith?" He smiled.

Carol nodded and sniffed. "She's absolutely perfect for you. I never... I knew you and Addison weren't...well, I knew you didn't have what your father and I had, but you seemed content enough at first. And you were successful, and she may not have been your match, but she was pleasant and fit in. And it was easy."

Derek nodded. "It was too easy. I don't think it's worth it if it's easy."

Carol breathed, still not allowing a single drop to fall from her eyes. "I suppose you're right. I know I don't know the whole story, but from what you've told me, and from what she said last night... it couldn't have been easy on either of you."

"What did she say last night?" Derek had been shocked to find his girlfriend sobbing in the kitchen when he had ventured up to check on her. And he had been even more taken aback when she had sent him back down with so little hesitation. But by the time they had gone to bed the night before, there hadn't been any time to talk.

"Just some things, Derek. Obviously not anything you don't know about. And she told Nancy that you had forgiven Addison, and then she..." Her voice cracked for just a second. "She told us that you see Mark as family and that you want us to see him so."

Derek nodded, not understanding his mother's sudden emotion. "I do." He sighed as a tear finally slipped its way down her cheek and he leaned forward, reaching for her. "Mom..."

"No," she waved a hand. "No, Derek, I still have things to say." She sniffed and continued. "Derek, that girl stood in my kitchen and told us about you and Mark, and I know she was the reason you invited him out to dinner when we were in Seattle. I know she was the influence that got you talking to him again. And she's the reason why he's here now. And I've seen them together, Derek. They're obviously close, and yet that doesn't seem to bother you."

He smiled. "I trust her. And I'm starting to trust him again."

She nodded. "I just... Derek, that girl has brought my family back to me. She's brought you back. And she brought Mark back. There was a hole in my family, and she fixed it, Derek. She fixed it."

Derek nodded his agreement. "She did," he said with a smile. "She's amazing."

"And yet, even after all she's done for us, that girl stood in my kitchen last night, in tears, claiming that no family had ever wanted her, that they hate her. She wouldn't accept my thanks."

Derek nodded. "Yeah, she's not good at realizing when she's done something good. I'm working on that. She's not good at accepting thanks."

"No, Derek, you don't understand. She cried when I told her this family wanted her. She cried, Derek. And she countered every good thing I tried to tell her. She said she destroys families, that her father blames her for killing his wife? That he hit her? That he told you to run away?"

Derek inhaled sharply. He definitely hadn't expected that to come out of his mother's mouth. "I can't believe she told you that," he whispered.

"She countered everything, Derek. Everything. As if she was trying to keep herself from getting involved and getting hurt again."

Derek felt tears spring to his eyes. His mother was nothing if she wasn't perceptive. That was exactly what she did. She shut herself off to avoid future heartbreak. "Yeah, I'm working on that too," he said quietly. "It took her a long time to trust me again, to let me in, but..."

"But that's just it, Derek. You should never have left that girl in the first place. She's absolutely perfect for you. But you were a good boy, and you did as you family asked. You gave in to our pressure, our opinions, and you went back to Addison; for us."

Derek laughed out loud before he could stop himself. He had been right when he had identified guilt in his mother expression. "I'm sorry, mom," he chuckled. "I'm sorry. I... Now I know where I get it from. I did exactly the same thing. For so long, I felt guilty about what I did to her. And I bottled it up until I felt like I was drowning." He sighed and shook his head gently. "Mom, it wasn't your fault. You may have expressed an opinion. But I'm the one who made the decision, and yes it was very wrong, but it's not your fault, and it's not anything that you can fix. It took me a long time to realize that."

"She was broken, Derek," Carol whispered. "Last night, she was broken, like no human being should ever be. Like no one's ever loved her before."

Derek nodded sadly as the tears welled in his eyes again and he breathed deep. His mother had hit it bang on. His heart constricted. "None of this is your fault," he repeated. "And contrary to what I choose to believe some times, very little of it is my fault. Her parents divorced when she was five. She didn't see her father again until this year, because he wasn't man enough to stick around. Her mother basically ignored the fact that she had a daughter. She didn't celebrate holidays. They didn't have family get-togethers. She's never been trick-or-treating. Never believed in Santa clause. And she was conditioned for years and years not to get close to anyone, not to seek attention or affection or love, and not to let anyone in.

"And Ellis wasn't an evil person, which maybe makes it worse because you can't blame it on any particular trait. She just cared far more about her job than her daughter. And then she got sick, and Meredith spent five years of her life taking care of her mother, alone. All the while she completed medical school, alone. She's amazing. If only she could see it. But her mother scarred her. And she had to listen to her sick mother rant about her regrets on having a daughter. And when she finally looked up Thatcher, he wouldn't even invite her in off the front porch." Derek sighed. "And one day he showed up at the hospital with his wife and adult daughter, who was pregnant with his first grandchild, and all Meredith saw was the father she had never had. And after Ellis passed away, Susan and Thatcher came forward to try to get to know her. Well, more Susan than anything, but it was something. And she had hope. And then Susan died. And it was tragic."

"And he blames her?"

Derek sighed. "Yeah. Why; I have no idea. She wasn't even in the OR with her, she was sitting with Thatcher in the waiting room during the initial procedure." He shook his head. "She didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes these things just happen."

"Did he really hit her?" Carol asked softly.

Derek nodded, the unwanted memory flashing through his mind. "Yeah, he did, right in front of me. I wanted to beat the crap out of him." He sighed and felt his fists clench involuntarily.

His mother surveyed him quietly for a moment. "And I assume you won't be taking his advice?"

"Hmm?" He questioned, his gaze meeting hers once again.

She offered a gentle smile. "Meredith said he told you to run away from her. I take it you won't be doing that."

Derek's eyes softened and he shook his head. "Not in a million years." He sighed. "I looked over the entire hospital for her that night. She ran after he hit her, and I didn't react quickly enough to follow her, and when I finally found her, she was curled up against my car, fast asleep in the pouring rain. You think _you've_ seen her look broken..." He trailed off.

"So, she's pretty much lost three parents this year, and because of us, she almost lost you."

Derek shook his head with a gentle smile. "She never lost me. No matter how hard I tried with Addison, and I actually did try, it was just no use."

"Because it was the wrong decision."

He nodded. "Yes. But that still doesn't make it your fault."

Carol sighed. "Maybe not completely, but I played a big part. And then, after you'd spent months trying to make up for everything, I show up in Seattle and yell at you, right in front of her."

Derek smiled at the memory. "Mom, you were within your rights to yell. You were right. I didn't tell you anything about my life. And, had I done so from the beginning, maybe things could have been different, but I can only assume we'd still be here now." He tried to reassure her.

"You tried to tell me there had been a lot going on, but I wouldn't accept it."

Derek sighed. "Look, mom, I don't know what you're looking for here. If you want my forgiveness, you've got it. It you want hers, you've got it, even though she'll have no idea why."

"How are you so calm about all of this?"

He smiled. "Because life is too short to be constantly living in the past. We've all made some mistakes, but we're moving forward. Meredith and I have gone over everything that's happened between us, and we're past it. We've forgiven each other and we've moved on. We're not stuck on it, so you shouldn't be either."

"Thank-you, Derek." She nodded appreciatively at him. "I... Derek, I don't want to pry, but she said that...she said that she died."

Derek blinked in utter surprise. She really had opened up. He nodded, somewhat numbly.

"And I know that something happened the day her mother died. And I... I don't want to pry. But I want to know that you're okay. Because you reacted so badly when we were in Seattle."

Derek nodded and sucked in a breath. The memories had become much less traumatic after he had talked them through with Meredith. "I'm okay. I'm getting past it. We're moving past it." She nodded and looked as if she wanted to ask for more information, but was hesitant. He sighed. "Please don't tell anyone else about this yet. She... we don't need to talk about it yet."

Carol nodded. "Okay, Derek. Okay. We don't need to talk about it."

"I drowned," Meredith's soft voice came from the doorway.

Derek's head shot around to see his girlfriend standing timidly in the entrance to the room.

"Meredith, dear, I didn't see you," Carol said quickly.

"I'm sorry. They sent me to find you two. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, really..." Her eyes widened as the rambling started and she shifted her weight back, ready to leave.

"Nonsense, dear, you're welcome anywhere. Derek and I were just talking about the two of you. I'm sorry if touched onto something I shouldn't have."

"It's fine," Meredith said, her eyes glancing over to Derek's, looking for his assurance that it was okay for her to be there.

He smiled reassuringly at her and motioned for her to approach. She stepped forward lightly and sat on the arm of his chair, but offered little resistance when he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her onto the seat beside him. She closed her fingers around his, and leaned into his warmth. "I drowned," she repeated.

"Meredith, you don't have to..."

She nodded. "It's okay. You deserve to know. Your son saved my life," She said, very matter-of-fact. She offered a small smile and took a breath. "We were on scene at the ferry crash in the summer, and I got knocked off the pier and I..." she trailed off for several seconds. "It was cold. And it was terrifying. And it apparently only takes a second for it all to be over." She breathed and Derek held her even tighter. "But Derek found me. He pulled me out, and got me to the hospital. And it took them several hours to get my heart started again. But, thankfully, they did. And I'm still here, because of Derek."

Derek buried his face in the side of her head, inhaling the lavender as he swallowed the lump in his throat. This was one of those times he simply couldn't fully comprehend the amount of love he felt for her, or the amount of bravery she showed. And he was more thankful than ever that she was who she was, and that she was there with him, and that he had found her.

"I don't even know what to say," Carol spoke softly, and although Derek wasn't watching, he could hear the tears in his mother's voice. "That's... I don't even know what to say, other than I am so glad that you're here. And I'm so glad my son found you. I'm so glad he moved out to Seattle. Meredith, I can't express how happy I am that you've come into his life, into our lives. And I'm so sorry we almost got in the way of that, even if Derek here claims it wasn't our fault."

"Got in the way?" Meredith's confused voice rang out so close to him, as he breathed against her, his eyes still blinded by her hair.

"We pushed him to give Addison another chance. We pushed him. And without that push, he would never have made the wrong choice."

There was a pause. Derek finally found the strength to look up. He found his mother and his girlfriend staring thoughtfully back at each other, realization and understanding passing between them. And then, to his surprise, Meredith shrugged. "There were a ton of factors, Carol," she said softly. "And it sucked at the time, but now at least we know there are no regrets. You son is a good man. He always tries to do what's right."

"He does," Carol agreed. "But I still-"

"Don't," Meredith said simply, waving a hand. "It's water under the thing, or whatever. We've let it go. There's no way of knowing anything for certain. Who knows what would have happened if things had been different, really."

"Thank-you, Meredith."

Meredith shook her head. "There's nothing to thank me for."

Carol smiled warmly, her eyes darting to Derek. "You're right, sweetie, that does need work."

Derek laughed and nodded as he pressed his lips against his confused girlfriend's cheek.

"Anyway," Carol continued. "I'm sorry to bring up bad memories at a time like this, but it's Thanksgiving, and when I sat and thought about what I was thankful for this year, you were at the top of my list. And I had to say my piece."

"I'm thankful, too," Meredith said quietly. "I... Trust me, I'm gaining a lot more out of this than you are."

"Oh, sweetie, I think that's all relative. Seeing my son so happy again is the best gift I could ask for." Carol smiled warmly. "Now, what was it they sent you for?"

"Oh, right, uh, your sister-in-law is here. Abby?"

Derek smiled. He hadn't seen his aunt for years.

"Wonderful," Carol spoke happily. "Perfect timing, we should be able to sit down for dinner in less than an hour." She stood and paused to smile at Meredith and Derek before she nodded and left them alone.

Derek shuddered as the effects of the conversation dissipated. "I love you so much, Meredith," he spoke quietly. "So much."

She turned to him with a gentle smile and met his lips. "I love you more."

He snorted and shook his head. "Not possible."

"Is too, possible. And true."

He kissed her again and sighed when they finally broke apart, but remained close, Meredith resting against him, their hands intertwined and her head against his chest, tilted so that it rested right under his chin.

"You doing okay?" He whispered.

She nodded against him. "Perfect."

"I'm sorry we were talking about you. I never expected that she would feel guilty..."

She sighed. "It's okay. Really, it's okay. You have every right to tell her about us, and I'm the one who let it slip about the drowning thing." She paused. "Are you okay that she knows?"

He breathed. "Yeah. I think so. I'm okay with it. I'm past it, but every once in a while, something just..." He shook his head. "Once in a while it's hard to remember that everything worked out fine."

"I know the feeling."

"But it did work out fine, better than fine."

She nodded. "Much better than fine." She shifted and turned herself so that she was crouched half in the chair, half on him, her eyes sparkling as she leaned forward, her hands supporting her body against the headrest behind his head. "It's Thanksgiving," she whispered.

He raised his hands to her hips for added and smiled. "It is."

She brushed a hand lovingly over his cheek and smiled brightly. "You know what I'm thankful for?"

He shook his head.

"You."

He smirked. "Well, do you know what I'm thankful for?"

She laughed and shook her head.

"You." He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers.

She sighed when she pulled away, her eyes sparkling. "Seriously though, Derek. I am thankful for you. More than I can begin to tell you. A year ago, I had a job and a house and a few friends. But now..." She swallowed and her eyes welled. "Now I have a career, and wonderful friends, and a _home_. And most of all, I have you. And you're helping me to do things that I never thought I'd be able to do, much less want. But I do, want it; everything. You've made me want everything. And you're right there beside me at every step and I..." Her voice cracked. "I just can't believe that all of this is actually happening. I never thought that I'd have plans for the future, and a wonderful man, and a..."

"A family?"

She nodded and closed her eyes as a single tear squeezed out of each one.

He pulled her down to him so that she was basically in his lap, her upper body pressed flushed against his chest. "It's pretty amazing, isn't it?"

She buried her face in the soft fabric of his sweater and nodded. "I didn't think it would happen like this. I didn't think is _could_ happen like this. I actually feel like they like me."

He rested his chin on her head and tightened his grip on her. "They do like you, Mer, they love you."

"I didn't think it could happen this fast."

"It just shows how well you fit in."

She exhaled a shuddery breath. "I like them," she told him softly. "And it's not..." She trailed off.

"Not what?"

She sighed and lifted her head to meet his eyes. "It's not scary. I have no idea how you did it, Derek, but it's not scary anymore. The family thing. I'm not afraid to talk to them, or to be alone with them. It's strange."

"Why is it strange?" He questioned gently.

She shrugged. "It's like I don't know how to live without being afraid."

Her simple honesty was almost too much for him. All he wanted to do was pull her close again and just never let go. "Oh, Mer..." He lifted a hand to cup her face. "I'm glad you're not afraid anymore. You never have to be afraid again."

She bit her lip and nodded. "I know."

He pressed his forehead against hers and sighed before pulling away to press his lips against the space just vacated by his brow. "Do you want to get back to everyone?"

She smiled and nodded as she carefully backed off of him and reached a hand out to pull him up. He stood and refused to let go of her hand as he led them back to the living room.

000

"Aunt Abby," he greeted warmly as he stepped into the kitchen, where his aunt was talking away with their master chef.

"Derek," she spoke kindly, stepping forward and hugging him close. She pulled back and held him at arm's length. "I'd forgotten just how much you look like my brother," she shook her head at the memory. She reached a hand up to run through his hair. "You're hair is longer," she commented. "But you look good."

"So do you, barely any older."

She scoffed. "No one likes a wiseass, Derek."

He laughed. His aunt Abby had always been a favourite of his. Not only was she a link to his father, but she had a certain quality about her that always made him feel special. "Aunt Abby, this is Meredith," he introduced, slinging an arm around Meredith's waist.

"Meredith, it's nice to meet you, dear. I hope Derek hasn't told you too many bad things."

Meredith smiled. "Only a few," she played right along without missing a beat. "But mostly they were good things."

Abby laughed. "I like her, Derek, very on the ball. Good choice."

Derek laughed. Abby was notorious for simply speaking how she felt about just about everything.

"So, Meredith, I hear you're a doctor as well?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, I'm a surgical resident."

"Good for you. That's what I like about this family," she said, glancing at Carol. "Helping to destroy the stereotype that medicine is male dominated."

"What about me and Derek?" Mark asked. "And Phil?"

"I see you three men out numbered by five girls." Abby countered.

Mark scoffed, but remained silent, choosing instead to turn back to the dish he was working on as an excuse for having nothing to say.

Abby rolled her eyes in good nature. "So, how did you two meet?"

Derek blinked. This could be awkward. He definitely didn't need his seventy year old aunt knowing that he had picked Meredith up in a bar. "We, uh, work together."

She narrowed her eyes. "That's not an answer."

Derek sighed. He could see Mark smirking at him over Abby's shoulder. "Well, there was a mixer for the new interns... and we met that night..." He trailed off and prayed she wouldn't dig any further. He hadn't technically lied yet. He didn't specifically say they had met at the mixer...

"Hmm, that's a little better. And now you're what? Dating? Getting married?"

"We're living together," Derek answered easily, happy to be away from the subject of their first encounter. And it wasn't until after he had responded that he realized Meredith hadn't even tensed at the marriage question. He glanced at her to see that she was smiling and content. She really wasn't scared any more.

"The table is set," Spencer called as he stepped into the kitchen, smiling at Abby. "Did Meredith tell you she's a star football player?"

Meredith snorted. "I'd hardly say that..."

"Spencer knows what he's talking about, child. If he says you're a star, you're a star."

"I missed more throws than I caught."

Spencer waved his hand. "Have you ever watched a football game?"

She smirked. "Part of one, about an hour ago."

Derek laughed, but before anyone could respond, Mark was ordering anyone in the kitchen to start taking food dishes out to the table. The kids were already seated downstairs with their own share of the food, leaving the adults to eat in peace.

"Isn't Andrew eating with us?" Carol asked Kathleen as they were taking their seats.

Kathleen shook her head. "No. He said he didn't want to, even though he did last year." She sighed. "I just don't know what's gotten into him. He's been doing the teenager thing for a while, and that's fine, but lately there's been something else. And I know not to push, but he's not talking."

Carol smiled reassuringly at her psychiatrist daughter flummoxed by her teenage son. "Just give it time, sweetie, these things have a way of working themselves out."

Derek furrowed his brow as he listened to the conversation across from him. Andrew had always tried to spend time with the adult crowd, being so isolated by age and gender, he was a good two years older than any other cousin, and six years older than Natalie's twin boys.

"I know you're right, mom, but I feel like I should know what to say."

"When the time comes, you will know."

"Hey," Meredith said as she slid in next to him, jokingly bumping his shoulder.

He smiled and bumped back. "You ready for your first real Thanksgiving dinner?"

She nodded. "Am I ever, I'm starving after playing football for so long."

He snorted. "It wasn't that bad. You're just out of shape."

She scoffed. "I get exactly the same amount of exercise as you." She raised an eyebrow.

"Which, this weekend, is precisely none." He countered.

She laughed and kissed him quickly. "What am I going to do with you?"

He smirked. "Well, I can think of one thing..."

She shook her head at his antics, but didn't have a chance to respond.

Mark set the carved turkey down onto the table, and went to sit, but hesitated and remained standing. He cleared his throat. "I, uh... I just want to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone." There was a chorus of 'Happy Thanksgivings' from everyone at the table. Mark nodded. "And I just..." The suddenly apprehensive plastic surgeon sucked in a breath and sighed. "I just wanted to say that I'm so thankful for all of you. I've made a series of bad decisions that strongly affected this family, and yet... and yet I still find myself here today; I still find myself welcome. And for that I will always be thankful." Mark nodded awkwardly and sat, avoiding eye contact with anyone at the table.

"Well, Mark, we're thankful to have you here," Carol spoke. "We're thankful to have you in our family."

"Thank-you." He spoke quietly.

"And we're thankful that Meredith has joined our family," Carol continued.

Spencer nodded. "Especially me. I already have dibs on you for next year," he said to Meredith. "You make an excellent wide receiver."

Derek laughed and wrapped an arm around Meredith, as his family groaned.

"What?" Spencer asked. "I'm thankful for football. And I'm thankful that I'm getting some better players. Come on, she took out Derek and Simon in one move."

"How did she do that?" Mark asked, suddenly interested.

"Oh, no one told you yet?" Kathleen asked, a sparkle in her eyes as she smirked across the table at her brother. "Mark, you should have seen it. She had the ball, Simon right on her tail, and somehow managed to duck in front of Derek, who crashed right into Simon..." She laughed. "I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. They both went flying."

Mark smirked and Derek glared back at him. "It was the sun," he said weakly. "I couldn't see him..."

Kathleen scoffed. "Whatever, baby brother. I'm definitely thankful for that memory."

"Oh, me too," Anna piped up.

"Honestly, can't you come up with something better to be thankful for," Carol chastised. "I raised you people better than this."

"I'm thankful that I have such a wonderful mother-in-law," Dean said.

Abby scoffed. "No one likes a suck up, Dean."

Nancy laughed as her husband huffed. "I'm thankful for my family. We've had a good year."

"That's only marginally less of a suck up ploy than your husband's," Abby said with a laughing smile. "I, for one, am always grateful to be invited here to spend my holidays with my brother's family. I know he would be thankful to see everyone so happy."

There was a moment of comfortable silence as the Carol and the four Shepherd descendents seemed to smile as one.

"Okay, so how was that not sucking up?" Nancy countered with a smile after the moment had passed.

Abby shook her head at her niece. "I never said it wasn't."

"Well, I'm sorry that Nat and Phil couldn't join us this year, but I'm thankful that they're getting a chance to spend time with Alice," Simon said. His mother had passed away two years prior, very suddenly, so he understood the importance of Natalie's family having the chance to say good bye to Phil's mother. "And I'm ever thankful for my family." He kissed Kathleen's cheek and she smiled and squeezed his hand.

Derek smiled and opened his mouth, but was surprised when he was cut off by the woman leaning up to him.

"I'm thankful for the opportunity to be part of a family," Meredith spoke quietly. "Especially such a wonderful one."

There was a second pause.

"Okay, now that's sucking up if I've ever seen it," Abby said with a laughed.

Derek smiled and raised his glass. "To family."

000

Derek made his way down the stairs and into the second living room, on the basement level. It was late, and the younger kids had all gone to bed, leaving only a few awake, upstairs with their parents. Mark had gone down to change and had returned with a worried look, telling Derek that Andrew was alone in the basement, not speaking to him.

He spotted his nephew on the couch, leaning against the arm rest as his eyes focussed wearily on the television.

"Hey, Andrew," he called cheerfully.

"Hey, Uncle Derek," he responded with a small smile, turning the volume down.

"What are you watching?" Derek asked as he collapsed onto the other side of the couch.

"Just an old movie," he responded with a shrug. "Nothing else on."

"Hmm. We missed you at dinner. Why didn't you want to sit upstairs?"

The young teen shrugged. "Just didn't feel like it."

"Why not?"

"No reason."

Derek sighed. "I think there is a reason," he pried gently. He had always had a soft spot for his first nephew, and they shared an important understanding of what it meant to be the only brother in a sea of sisters.

Andrew huffed. "I just didn't want to, okay?"

"Andrew," Derek said softly. "If you don't want to sit with your family on Thanksgiving, it means there's a problem. And that's not okay."

"I just don't want to be part of all the pretending," he answered after a pause.

"What pretending?"

"That everything is okay. That nothing is different. Except that a lot is different."

Derek nodded. "Things change."

"Things change? That's all you have to say?" Andrew scoffed.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Why is he here?"

Derek didn't have to ask to know who Andrew was talking about. "Because he's your uncle."

"He'd not my uncle," Andrew snapped back. "He's not related. He shouldn't be here."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Andrew."

"What I don't get is why you _don't _feel that way."

"What do you mean?"

Andrew sighed. "I heard mom and dad talking. I know what he did to you. I know he had sex with Aunt Addy. And then you two got divorced. And she's gone, but he's still here."

Derek sighed. He didn't feel old enough to have nieces or nephews who knew what sex was. It surprised him to realize just how grown up Andrew was. "You're right. He slept with my wife."

"And you got divorced."

Derek nodded. "Yes. But it doesn't mean Mark's not still a brother to me. I've known him since kindergarten. That doesn't just go away."

"How can you just forgive him?"

Derek sighed and shifted so he was facing Andrew head on. "It didn't happen overnight. It took me a long time. Almost a year before I'd talk to him. Hell, the first time I saw him in Seattle, I punched him."

"You punched him?"

Derek nodded. "Yeah, I did. And I won't lie. It felt good. But eventually I started to miss my brother."

"How can you call him that?"

"Because it's true. And it's part of being a family. Sometimes the other members do things you don't agree with, and maybe you don't talk for a while, and maybe you're mad. But eventually, you move on." Derek sighed. "Andrew, I was mad at him for a very long time. I thought I'd never speak to him again. But he's like my brother."

"I still don't like it."

"That's your right. If you don't want to see him an as uncle, Andrew, that's for you to decide. You're at an age where you get to decide your family."

Andrew nodded and remained silent for several moments. "How come you forgave him, but not Aunt Addy?"

"I have forgiven Addison."

"Then why isn't she here? Why did you still get divorced? Why do you have a girlfriend?"

Derek sighed. "What happened between Mark and Addison isn't something that just happens. Addison and I weren't happy for a long time. We had drifted apart, but just hadn't realized it yet. We tried to make it work again, after what happened with Mark. But we both knew it was time to say goodbye."

"But you never seemed unhappy. At all the family things, you were fine. How can it just be over?"

Derek narrowed his eyes as he caught a tone in Andrew's voice. "We weren't necessarily unhappy, just not happy."

"But you never fought or anything."

"Sometimes fighting is a good thing, it means you still care. We never fought because we didn't have anything left to fight for."

"But-" He cut him self off.

"Andrew, what is it that you're worried about? You parents?"

He shook his head, but avoided Derek's eyes, causing Derek to sigh. He had been the only member of the immediate family to get divorced, but he hadn't ever thought about its effects on the kids. "Andrew, Addison and I were never half as happy as your parents. And they've been married for, what, almost twenty years?"

Andrew shrugged. "They still fight sometimes."

"That's normal, it's a good thing. As long as they aren't fighting all the time."

"They aren't."

"Then, Andrew, I don't think you have anything to worry about."

His nephew nodded. "It's weird, not having her here."

"Who, Addison?"

He nodded. "It was weird, watching the parade. She'd always watch because she hated football so much. But she's not here. But you are, and..."

"And Meredith's here."

Andrew nodded. "Are you going to marry her?"

Derek smiled and nodded gently. "One day."

"I like her. She seems really cool, it's just..." He sighed.

"Change is hard," Derek supplied.

Andrew nodded. "The rest of them don't seem to remember Aunt Addy, or at least don't care that she's not here."

"Do you miss her?"

Andrew hesitated. "I'm not sure. It's just weird being the only kid who seems to know she's missing."

"Do you want me to give you her number? Or her e-mail? I'm sure she'd love to hear from you."

He hesitated again.

"Look, Andrew. Addison and I parted on amicable terms. No one is going to think badly of you for wanting to stay in touch. She was a big part of your life. She came with me the day you were born."

Andrew sighed heavily. "I don't know."

Derek offered a gentle smile. "Well, how about this; I'll give you her number and e-mail and you can keep it and decide later."

"Okay."

"And I mean it, Andrew, you feel free to contact her."

"Okay."

Derek smiled. "Okay, I'm going to head back upstairs. You going to come up and join the family, or stay down here and do the brooding teenager thing?"

Andrew laughed. "I'll come up."

000

It was hours later that Derek followed Meredith up the stairs to go to bed. It was well after midnight, effectively making it no longer Thanksgiving, but he found himself on a Thanksgiving high. He had never been so thankful for his family before. He truly could not have a more supportive or more understanding group of people to have grown up with. And watching his girlfriend today as she gave in to their acceptance and found her own spot in the family had been...

It had been enough to make his heart swell at every thought, enough to make his breath catch, and his eyes well. She deserved the stability of a family, and she was getting it. And that was what he was thankful for the most.

He reached the landing as Meredith quietly pushed open the door, and strode forward to wrap his arms around her waist from behind as they stepped through the doorway together. She laughed and closed her hand over his. The door swung shut behind them, but he made no move to release her.

"Derek, what are you doing?" She whispered.

He rested his chin on her shoulder, rubbing his cheek against the side of her neck, and sighed. "Being thankful."

She sighed and leaned back into him. "What are you thankful for?"

"You. And every single thing about you."

She laughed and turned in his arms to face him, her hands expertly hooking behind his neck. "Like what?"

He smiled and pecked her lips quickly. "Like... your lips." He kissed her again. "And your hair." He ran a hand lovingly through her dirty blonde-brown locks. "And your toes." He gently nudged her sock clad foot with his own. "And everything in between. And the way that you're ticklish right here." He ran his hand lightly along her side, right where her ribs stopped and smirked when she shivered and grabbed at his hand. He spun his hand in her grip so that he was holding hers and brought it up to place a kiss on the back, "And your tiny, ineffectual fists."

She laughed.

He released her hand and returned his to her lower back. "And the way that you fit so perfectly against me." He kissed her again, longer this time, and smiled as her hand found its way back over his shoulder to his hair. "And the way you always smell like lavender," he continued, ducking his head to sniff her hair. "And the way that you like simple things." He ran his hand along the chain on her neck. "And the way that you keep me in line."

"Someone needs to," she mumbled.

"And the way that you're a surprisingly good football player."

She mock glared at him. "Why is that surprising?"

He laughed and ignored her question. "And the way that you're a good doctor. And the way that you get along so well with my family. And the way that you love me, even though I can be an ass."

"Derek-"

"No, I get to say this. I'm not being self-deprecating, I'm just being honest. You've forgiven me for a lot. And I'm thankful for that, that you have such a big heart. And that you're such a wonderful person. And that you're always there for me. And that you have an amazing spirit. And that you're very, very smart, and I don't have to cheat on the crosswords anymore, because I have you to help me."

She laughed and he kissed her.

"And you're a good kisser," he mumbled as he finally pulled away. "And because I love you. And because you're breathtakingly beautiful." He tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and sighed. "And because you'll fly across the country with me to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family." He sighed and tilted his head just so as he smiled his best McDreamy smile at her. "And because you put up with me. And because I love you, which I know I've already said, but I just wanted to make it clear." He kissed her again, much longer this time. "And because when I'm with you, it feels like time stops." He pecked her lips twice. "And because you're so strong. And because I love you."

Meredith snorted.

"I'm just making sure it's out there."

She smirked. "Either that, or you're running out of things to say..."

He mock glared at her and shook his head. "I could never run out of good things to say about you," he whispered, his lips only a breath from hers.

"Well, I think you're forgetting one very important thing about me."

"That I love you?"

She smirked and shook her head. "That I'm always right."

He exhaled with a laugh. "Not yet, you're not."

"I'm as good as..."

He was momentarily overcome and pressed his lips against hers in a sudden need to feel her. His arms tightened to bring her as close to him as he could. He wanted to feel every square inch of her body at once as he could. Her hands tightened in his hair and she moaned deep in her throat, and deepened the kiss.

When he finally pulled away, panting, he opened his mouth to continue, but she stopped him by placing a finger against his lips.

"Derek, do you want to know what I'm thankful for?"

He closed his hand around her fingers and kept them by his mouth, kissing every digit. "That I'm so dreamy?"

She laughed aloud and shook her head, before leaning in conspiratorially and grinning.

"What are you thankful for, Meredith?"

She smirked. "That rules are meant to be broken," she whispered.

He groaned and kissed her again as her hands found the hem of his sweater and began working it upwards. He moved them backwards towards the bed and sat as he was forced to break the kiss so she could slide his sweater over his head. And then her lips were right back against his as they manoeuvred up the bed together. She straddled him when they came to a stop, her deft fingers making easy work of the small buttons up the center of his shirt. He moaned against her lips when her hands ran against the hair dusted bare skin of his chest.

"Mer, Mer," he sputtered when the kiss finally broke. He somehow managed to find enough coordination to capture her hands in his. "Are you sure? Cause there won't be any stopping soon."

She giggled and expertly shifted her body against his. "I'd say there already isn't going to be any stopping."

"Evil," he muttered, releasing her hands to find the hemline of her shirt. "You're an evil woman... And you're wearing far too many clothes."

She laughed as he pulled the top over her head, revealing his favourite black bra.

"That's better," he mumbled as his hands found her bare skin.

"You know what else I'm thankful for?" She whispered as she leaned over him.

"What?" He brushed back the wave of hair that cascaded down from behind her ear when she leaned over him.

"Doors that lock."

He snorted. "Is that a hint?"

She raised an eyebrow, and he laughed, before carefully disengaging himself from under her to head for the door. He pulled off his shirt and tossed it towards the suitcase as he walked by and quietly turned the lock. When he turned back towards the bed, he felt his heart jump at the sight of her, sitting, waiting, with only her bra and panties. Derek made quick work on removing his pants and joined her again on the bed, coming down on top of her.

"You're making the sheets very happy," he mumbled as his mouth found her clavicle.

She giggled. "I think I'm making someone else very happy."

"Mmmhmm," he agreed against her.

"You make me happy, Derek," she whispered, causing him to pause in his motions and look to her eyes. "You make me so happy," she repeated. "And today has been the perfect day. And all I want is to end it on a perfect note."

There was nothing he could say to add to her sentiment, so he raised his lips to hers and showed her that he felt the same.

"You know what I'm thankful for?" He asked quietly.

She stared up at him, love and trust and desire shining in her eyes. "What?"

"That you're unpredictable."

She laughed and pulled his lips back down to hers.


	44. Seventeen

Even through the deep, all-consuming haze of sleep, Meredith knew she was being watched. A vague dream floated along her subconscious, enough to keep her active brain occupied during her body's need for replenishment, but not enough to keep her completely oblivious to the external world around her. And her sixth sense was slowly seeping into her subconscious, telling her she was being watched. Derek was fast asleep behind her, his chest heaving against her back with each deep, even breath he took. But, she would have known it wasn't him anyway. It wasn't his eyes that had settled on her sleeping form. He did enough night time staring that she had long grown accustomed to his soft gaze. This was someone else.

She sighed and shifted in his embrace and slowly opened her eyes, blinking twice to reduce the blur as three sets of familiar blue eyes came into focus, and for the second time in six months she found herself being scrutinized while waking in Derek's arms. Meredith exhaled sharply as the numbness of sleep dissipated immediately into the realization that Derek's sisters were all in their room, and for a vague, suspenseful second, she hoped that she was simply dreaming. She blinked again, longer this time, but they were still there, staring down at her.

"Wha-" Was as she could manage to verbalize as shock washed over her. Was this something families normally did?

"Out of bed, sleepy-head," Anna called. "You're coming with us."

The haze of sleep washed over her again as the shock began to wear off. It was early. There was no sunlight streaming through the window. Why would they get up in the early hours of the morning while on vacation? Was this some sort of newcomer initiation thing? _Crap._

"Come on, Meredith," Kathleen wrenched her arm away from Derek's grip and gave it a gentle tug. "Up and at it."

"Where are we going?" She mumbled as she stretched her legs downward along Derek's and yawned. It was far too early to be awake. They hadn't headed to bed until after midnight, and she and Derek had definitely broken the rules twice before curling up together to sleep.

"Shopping."

"Shopping?" Her sleep muddled brain spun to make sense of what was happening. Seriously, there was a good chance she was dreaming.

Nancy nodded emphatically. "Black Friday. Now, get your ass out of bed."

Meredith blinked in confusion. Nothing was making sense. Really, they needed to let her sleep for a few more hours before they started using words like _shopping_. Meredith didn't go shopping. Meredith didn't like shopping. And she definitely didn't get up at god-awful early hours of the morning to go shopping.

"Okay," Kathleen stated. "Time for extreme measures." Meredith didn't have a chance to process her words before Kathleen had grabbed fistfuls of the comforter covering her and Derek, and flung it off of her.

As the cold morning air hit the bare skin of her arms and legs, Meredith became infinitely grateful she had demanded they cover up for their activities that night. Before going to sleep, she had tidied the piles of clothing flung suspiciously over the floor, and had pulled on a pair of sleep shorts and one of Derek's old tees that she loved to sleep in. Expertly ignoring his mumbling about her having far too many articles covering her body, she had tossed boxers and a tee shirt at him and refused to get back into bed before he dressed.

_"You're far too paranoid," he had told her as he o__bediently pulled on the clothing._

_"And you're far too lax. You're seriously lucky I relented."_

_He had smirked and pulled her close as she settled in bed beside him. "You weren't calling me lax half an hour ago."_

_"Dere__k!" She chastised with a laugh__ and swiped at his chest in the small space between them. But really, he was absolutely right. Even in her commitment to be perfectly quiet his han__d and lips had __both __come down on her mouth__ many times to prevent someone else in the house from becoming aware of their activities_

However, even though she was infinitely grateful that Kathleen had not pulled the covers back to reveal her brother and his girlfriend naked, Meredith was suddenly self-conscious of the fact that she was wearing a shirt that obviously belonged to him and every limb of their bodies were intertwined. "I, uh..." She trailed off, but none of them seemed to so much as blink at the sight. She tried to pull away, but Derek's grip closed around her waist and he buried his face into the back of her head and sighed as he resettled. Any other time, it would have been comical, and she would have laughed at his unconscious possessiveness, but this time his sisters were staring down at her. And she really needed him to let go.

"Derek, seriously..." she mumbled as her face turned red and she struggled to wrench his hands away from her middle. His hands came away with relative ease, but instead of releasing her from his hold, his fingers expertly twisted to find hers, and he re-closed his grip, effectively trapping her. "Crap..." She muttered as she struggled to pull her hands free. "Derek. Let go." Obviously deep in sleep, Derek mumbled something unintelligible and shook his head slightly. "Derek. Seriously." She had her hands free again, but he wasn't letting her go.

Kathleen laughed at her struggle and suddenly there was an extra set of hands prying her out of his grip. And as soon as she was free, she was pulled out of bed. Derek reached out for her body, swiped the empty sheets and few times, and eventually came upon her pillow. He pulled the still warm item to his chest and resettled. Meredith almost snorted at the sight. Apparently she was replaceable.

"Okay," Nancy announced, pointing to the open suitcase along the wall. "Clothes. Dressed Shopping."

Meredith nodded and obediently complied. It was far too early to be resistant. She pulled jeans and a simple top out of her suitcase, along with fresh underwear, and after a short pause, she realized she wasn't going to be left alone, so she turned and disappeared into the bathroom.

After brushing her teeth and changing, she stepped back out into the bedroom, smiling gently at Derek's still form, fast asleep and still clutching tightly to the pillow. One of his sisters had been nice enough to replace the blanket. "What do I need?" She asked quietly.

"All you need is a credit card," Nancy told her.

Meredith laughed and grabbed her purse and jacket off the chair by the door. "Should I tell him?"

Anna shook her head. "He'll know where you are. Come on, you're safe with us."

She followed Derek's sisters down the back staircase and was surprised to find Carol and Abby waiting in the front hall.

"Excellent," Carol said as she smiled at Meredith. She passed her a steaming travel mug that Meredith took happily.

"Thanks." She inhaled the wonderful scent of coffee bean and sighed. "I still only feel half awake; like I just fell asleep."

"Nonsense, child," Abby spoke up, surprisingly awake and clear minded. "You had at least four hours to sleep. That's more than enough for Black Friday."

Meredith felt her cheeks redden slightly and she only hesitated for a moment. "It feels like less," she said quickly, and looked away in the hope that her blush wouldn't be noticeable in the dark light of the hall.

Abby, thankfully, did not press the issue. Meredith swung her jacket on and slipped her feet into the sneakers she had worn from the airport and followed Derek's family out into the cool, damp morning air to the car.

000

It was several hours later that Derek became aware of the bands of sunlight slowly encroaching on his eyes. He blinked at the insult and buried his face into what he had assumed was the back of Meredith's head. But instead he found his nose buried in a soft, pluffy... thing, that only smelt vaguely of lavender. He blinked groggily and closed his arms, testing his grip, only to confirm that his girlfriend was no longer in his arms.

He rolled onto his back, leaving the pillow beside him, and stretched.

And winced.

He was definitely sore. His hands came to his upper torso and felt along the line of his ribs. The site that had impacted with Simon the previous day felt bruised. He moaned and rolled awkwardly out of bed, flinching with every step it took to get to the bathroom. His calves and hamstrings were crying out in agony. In previous years, it hadn't taken much out of him to spend a few hours playful touch football in his mother's backyard. But in previous years, he had always been in better shape; he'd jog a few times a week, and had a gym membership for lunchtimes. He'd given it all up, however, when he had moved to Seattle, and subsequently fell in love with a woman who despised all organized exercise plans. All Meredith had to do was smile at him in just that way and tell him that they got more than enough exercise together, and he'd find himself shedding his body of his jogging suit and falling back into bed with her. Apparently his new exercise routine was not quite as well rounded as he had been made to believe.

After a long, hot shower, he walked back into the bedroom in somewhat less agony than before. His muscles were slowly loosening up, allowing him to tenderly stretch them out. He pulled a fresh set of clothes out of his suitcase and shed his towel to dress. After drying his hair as best he could and hanging his towel in the bathroom, he glanced at the clock and wondered how long Meredith had been up. It was a little after eleven. She often woke up early, claiming it was her internal intern alarm clock, which she was still unable to shed after several months of being a resident, but it was unlike him to sleep so long. It was unlike him to sleep longer than her, period. His body would often refuse to go back to sleep without hers beside him.

He stepped gingerly down the stairs, his legs protesting with every increment, and shuffled into the kitchen. All three brothers-in-law and Mark were seated at the table. He nodded a weary 'good morning' and made a beeline for the coffeepot. Quickly filling a mug, he shuffled over to an empty seat and collapsed onto a chair between Mark and Dean. He groaned in relief as the chair took to supporting most of his weight.

"I hear you, man," Simon said with a nod and a gently smile. "I feel like I've been hit by a truck."

"Yeah, and that truck would have been Derek," Spencer said with laugh.

"Shut up, Spence," Derek found himself saying in unison with Simon.

He groaned. "I've never hurt this much before."

"That's because you're getting old," Mark said with a smirk.

Derek glared at him. "I'm younger than you."

Mark scoffed. "By a year."

"Fourteen months." He countered.

Mark laughed. "Always a competition..."

There was a scraping sound, and Derek looked forward to see Simon sliding a bottle of ibuprofen across the table. He reached thankfully for it and popped the top. "Thanks, man. I kind of love you right now."

"Sorry, bro, I'm taken," he countered, making a sweeping movement with his left hand and motioning towards the gold band around his fourth finger.

Derek shook his head and swallowed two pills. He groaned again and winced as he forced his legs to move. "This is what I get for not exercising. I really need to start jogging again."

Spencer smirked. "All the pain, and the added bonus of knowing we kicked your asses..." He laughed and got up to refill his mug, making it painfully obvious to Derek that he wasn't feeling any negative effects from the previous day's activities. Damn Spencer and his daily runs. Damn him.

"Whatever, we'll get you next year..." Spencer scoffed in response, and Derek sighed, knowing it was an empty threat. "Where are the girls?"

"Where do you think?" Dean said with a laugh. "Black Friday, man, they're out spending all our money."

Derek nodded. "Did Meredith go with them?"

"I assume so. They left before it was light out. I didn't exactly get up to check."

Derek snorted.

"What?" Simon prompted.

"It's just... Meredith doesn't shop."

"Nonsense, Derek, all women shop."

He shook his head. "No, really, she doesn't shop. Hell, it was all I could do to get her to come with me to any of the freaking toy stores I had to visit looking for _your_ daughter's birthday present."

_"So, this is what a toy store looks like from the inside..." Meredith had trailed off as she followed Derek through the double automatic doors of the large box store, staring wide-eyed at the rows upon rows of chi__ldhood items she had never seen, clearly taken by the vast variety, seemingly infinite quantity and brilliant colours. _

_He smirked and grabbed her hand to pull her along with him. He had been shopping in these stores for thirteen years now, and he knew the best strategy was to get in, get what you came for and get out. Hours could be lost if you got off track. _

_Meredith followed him passively, letting him __lead__ while she took in the sights. "This place is..." she exhaled. "Wow. It's freaking huge. I always wondered why they looked so big from the outside. Why are the shelves so high? Isn't this supposed to be kid-accessible?"_

_Derek snorted. "No, it's supposed__ to be parent-with-credit-__card__ accessible__."_

_"__Ahhh__..." She laughed. "I get it now." Two young boys ran by, obviously brothers, toys in each of their hands, and smiles lighting up their faces. "I can see how this place would be cool for kids, though."_

_He nodded. "Ellis not much of a toy store frequenter?"_

_She laughed. "Are you kidding?"_

_Derek dropped her hand and wrapped his arm around her waist. "Don't feel too bad about missing out. They didn't have stores like this when we were growing up."_

_She snorted. "When _we _were growing up?__ Maybe not when _you _were growing up..."_

_He rolled his eyes. __"Ha ha.__ I'm not that much older than you. And I doubt they invented box stores in __those __eight years."_

_She shrugged, her eyes sparkling with laughter. "You never know."_

_He simply shook his head gently and brought them to a stop, his eyes expertly flashing across the shelves, taking in and disregarding numerous __Barbies__, Barbie mansions, Barbie horses, Barbie cars... He sighed when he came across the sign regretfully informing him, the __customer, that__ the new model was out of stock. "Damn," he muttered._

_"Derek, don't take this the wrong way, but this place is a freaking maze. I'm a little concerned that you knew the direct path to Barbie land."_

_He mock glared at her before breaking out in laughter. __"Nine nieces, Meredith.__ And I've been here for almost a year and a half. Trust __me,__ I've had reason to be here before."_

_She laughed. "Well, whi__ch one are you going to get her?__"_

_"They don't have the new one."_

_She shrugged. "Then get her another one. __How about one with a horse?"__ She picked up a large, pink box housing a white horse with a long, silky mane and tail.__ "Girls like horses. Hell, I liked horses."_

_He shook his head. "No, I need to find the new one. Someone in this town has to have them."_

_"What's the big deal?" She returned the horse to its spot on the shelf, to wait for another chance to be purchased. "They're just dolls, right?"_

_He shook his head. __"No, apparently not."_

_She furrowed her eye brow in concentration as she swept her gaze across the varieties. "Other than accessory things, I'm not really seeing a difference."_

_He kissed her cheek. "And that is why I love you so, but to Stephanie, there's a difference. And if I want to keep my spot as favourite uncle, I have to find it." _

"Well, she's shopping now." Simon said with a laugh, pulling Derek from his memory. "I'm telling you, Derek, they'll corrupt her. I wouldn't even be surprised if they stole your credit card. They definitely got mine." He offered a wry what-are-you-going-to-do grin and shrugged good naturedly.

Derek laughed and sipped his coffee. He had always enjoyed the day after Thanksgiving in previous years. The men were always left alone with the kids while the women shopped, and the house seemed quieter. It allowed him to spend time with his brothers-in-law that he didn't normally get. And he hadn't realized just how much he had missed their presence until now. It had been nice when his sisters had started getting married, finally adding to the male ratio of the family.

"So," he prompted. "Anything new and exciting that I...we," he corrected, nodding towards Mark, "Have missed out on?"

There was a pause, but not an uncomfortable one, as Dean, Simon and Spencer thought back to the last two years.

"I don't think so," Simon said. "Though last Thanksgiving wasn't as good as this one. Without Mark here, it left Nance, Nat and Carol fighting over head chef duties." He shook his head. "Wasn't pretty. And the food wasn't as good."

"Thanks, man," Mark said proudly.

Derek laughed.

"And last Christmas was quiet," Simon said. "We were the only one's here." Each Shepherd family took turns between years of which in-laws to spend the holidays with. It wasn't however, an exact science, with trades and last minute things. But Anna and Spencer always spend the holidays with Carol. They weren't close at all with Spencer's family.

"Are you guys coming this year?" Dean asked.

Derek sighed and shook his head. "Mer and I aren't. Can't get any time off."

Mark nodded beside him. "Same. I've been there less than a year, apparently I don't get any special favours." He shrugged, as if mostly indifferent, with just a hint of resentment, as if the hospital should offer him time off. They were lucky to have him.

"That's too bad. But, we'll see you in June, right?"

Derek nodded with a smile. "Mom's birthday? Of course. It'll be the first time everyone is together in, what, three years?"

"Close to," Dean responded.

"So, anything else new?"

Spencer and Dean shook their heads.

"Oh," Simon said with a laugh. "Carly is pregnant again, if you hadn't already heard."

Derek laughed. "That'll make mom mad." Carly was Derek's first cousin. His mother and his Aunt Joyce had been in friendly competition about the number of grandkids they had ever since the first one was born. Joyce was a few years older than her sister, and had six kids, who together had granted her thirteen grandkids thus far, with fourteen apparently on the way.

Spencer snorted. "She was beside herself. She's managed to hold onto the lead for so many years..." There had been quite a few years where Carol would be up one, and then Joyce would tie, and Carol would get one more, and then Joyce would tie. "And she's, of course, lain into me and Anna. _When are you two going to give me more grandbabies?" _ He rolled his eyes. "And _you've only given me two, look at Nat__, she's given me five. She's a better daughter."_

Derek joined in the laughter of the table at Spencer's attempt to mock his mother.

Spencer huffed. "Honestly, man, it's not cool having your mother-in-law push for things like that. It's creepy."

"Hey, she's on me and Nancy, too," Dean said. "Apparently three kids in this day and age isn't enough." He shook his head and turned to Derek. "Be careful, man, I'm sure she'll start on you again soon enough."

Derek couldn't help the small smile that played across his lips. It had been years since his mother had stopped bugging him about grandkids, but the realization that he was closing in on a point where she would feel the need to start up again made his heart flutter, even if he knew kids were up in the air at the moment.

Simon caught the smile. "Have you talked about having kids?"

Derek exhaled and shrugged, internally warning himself not to say too much in this company. It was no secret that anything said to any of the brothers-in-law would reach his sisters, immediately followed by his mother. "Not really. Mer's really... hesitant about things like that. It may take her a couple years to make a decision."

"A couple years, huh," Dean spoke up. "So, there's been talk about other things..."

Derek smiled and nodded.

"You guys going to get married?" Spencer asked.

Derek almost laughed at the interested expression on all three of their faces. He almost felt like he was talking with his sisters. "Yeah," he said with a smile and a short nod. "We will."

"You're not engaged, are you?"

He shook his head. "Not yet."

"But soon, right?"

Derek simply shrugged and bit back a smile.

000

After he had gulped down two cups of coffee and made a small sandwich for breakfast, even though it was after noon, Derek sat on the front couch in the living room and reached for the portable phone resting in it's charger on the table beside him; saving himself from the effort of heading back up the stairs for his cell. The ibuprofen was doing a pretty good job, but he didn't want to risk anything. And the stairs were definitely off limits until it was time for bed.

He dialled her cell number from memory and smiled up at the empty space on the wall in front of him as he listened to the phone ring. One day soon there would be a picture there. The talk with his brothers-in-law had made him almost giddy. They loved her, and were quiet clear that his sisters loved her. And now, all he wanted was to hear her voice.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hey, it's you," she said happily. "I didn't recognize the number." He smiled at her light tone, and he could hear a rush of noise and static from her background. It was certainly busy.

"Where are you?"

"I'm in a mall," she said with a giggle.

"A mall?"

There was a burst of static and he knew she was nodding. "Yeah, your sisters kidnapped me."

He smiled as he heard a series of argumentative statements in the background from his sisters. "Kidnapped you, huh? What time did you leave?"

She groaned. "Early. Too early. Seriously, normal people don't get up before dawn to go shopping."

He laughed.

"I'm so tired," she complained.

He smirked to himself. "Well, whose fault is that? You're the one who broke the rules."

She exhaled, but remained silent, her breathing creating a hiss of static with every exhale. "And they're standing right there, so you can't argue with me, aren't they?" He laughed.

"Shut up, Shepherd."

"Hey, I should take advantage now, of all the things I can get away with saying that you can't counter."

She huffed. "You know I'd find a way to get you back."

He laughed. "I'm sure you would. Are you having fun?"

"Yeah, surprisingly enough. I am. I mean, I'm shopping, but I don't think it's really about the shopping..."

He smiled at her confident tone. "No, I've always suspected that."

"Mmm," she responded somewhat distractedly. There was a shuffle and a bang, and the sounds of a shuffle. And he definitely heard a familiar 'owe' in the background.

"Derek, you're interfering with girl time," a voice told him when the line became clear again.

"Kath?"

"There's no communication allowed during girl time. She's ours right now."

Derek laughed. "I just wanted to check in, make sure she was actually with you."

"She's here and she's fine, Derek. And you'll see her again when we get home. Goodbye now." And the line went dead. He laughed and didn't bother calling back.

000

It was dusk when the sound of the front door opening filtered into the living room where Derek found himself drifting off on the couch, along with Simon, Dean, Spencer, Mark and nine kids. Instead of cooking something for dinner, they had opted to order pizza, and the kids had come up and convinced them all to watch a movie together. Spencer was sprawled on his back on the short end of the L-shaped couch snoring, his legs dangling over the edge and his three year old son asleep on top of him. Derek was at the other end of the couch, leaning against the arm rest, Megan in his lap, with Stephanie tucked in beside him, and Andrew on her other side.

Dean sat in one of the recliners, wide awake, with his five year old daughter, Haley, blinking off to sleep. Mark and Simon were sharing the short couch, with Anna and Spencer's daughter, Kim, between them, her head resting on Simon's knee, while her feet dangled over Mark's. Every few minutes, Mark would run his finger up her toes and make her laugh. And Tina, Kaitlyn and Jessica were squished together on the other recliner, giggling as they spoke through the movie in hushed voices and giggles. At nine, ten and eleven, they made up the closest subgroup of cousins present.

"Ahh," Carol said as she entered the living room first. "I see we've had a productive day."

"Hey, the kids are all clean, fed and alive, what more could you want?" Simon asked with a laughing smile.

Carol laughed as she and Abby headed through the room towards the kitchen.

"Look at my boys," Anna said softly as she wandered over to where Spencer and Spencer, jr, were fast asleep together, her expression soft and loving as she ran her hand over her son's back.

Derek smiled at the sight and glanced over to see Meredith in the doorway, also staring at the scene, her eyes taking on an unfamiliar expression. "Hey," he greeted softly when her eyes travelled over to him.

"Hey," she smiled warmly, her eyes tired but portraying a gentle happiness he was slowly becoming accustomed to seeing. She wandered over to his side of the couch and leaned in for a quick kiss, careful not to disturb the young girl in his lap. "I would have called you back, but they stole my phone," she said with a laugh. "And they still haven't given it back."

Derek laughed. "I'm telling you, Mer, they're mean sisters. You have to be careful with them."

Kathleen snorted as she entered the room. "Shut up, Derek."

"Mommy, that's not a nice thing to say," Megan called from Derek's lap.

Derek laughed. "Thank-you, Megan. Now, tell your mommy she needs to be nicer."

"Mommy, you need to be nicer."

Derek smirked at his sister.

Kathleen rolled her eyes. "How very mature of you."

Derek laughed as Meredith's hand found his shoulder and he covered her hand with his own, squeezing tightly. "You have a good day?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah. I did."

"Did they sucker you into buying a ton?"

She laughed. "A little," she admitted with a slightly embarrassed smile.

"Meredith," Stephanie said suddenly, pulling away from Derek's side. "Do you want to sit with Uncle Derek?"

Meredith looked surprised and then shook her head. "No, it's okay, Steph, you can stay there."

Stephanie smiled and stood up. "There's plenty of room."

"I, uh... okay," Meredith agreed and released her hold on his shoulder to walk around to his other side and take a seat between Derek and Andrew. Derek had barely closed his arm around her when Stephanie plunked herself down on Meredith's lap.

Derek smiled at her expression as she hesitated before gently wrapping one arm around the girl for support. She glanced at Derek, her eyes wide with surprise. He couldn't help but smile even wider and lean his head over to kiss her. "I love you," he whispered when he pulled away.

She swallowed and nodded. "I love you, too." She yawned and leaned into him, sighing with content when her head found a rest on his shoulder. "What are we watching?"

"I have no idea."

She giggled and snuggled closer, her body softening into his.

Derek tightened his grip around her waist and smiled as her breathing began to even out. He kissed the top of her head before resting his cheek against her and closing his eyes.

000

"Wake up, Uncle Derek!" The tiny voice was saying. "Wake up. The movie's over." The pressure in his lap shifted as his niece turned to face him. Her sharp six year old knees found the tops of his thighs and he jolted. Even her light weight was enough to send shock waves of pain through his devastated quadriceps. "Uncle Derek, you were sleeping!" Small hands found his face and he opened his eyes.

Blinking groggily, Derek met Megan's bright eyes as she laughed at him. He cleared his throat. "Megan, honey, you need to move your knees, you're killing me."

She laughed and did as she was told, shifting into more of a sitting position, still facing him. "Is that better, Uncle Derek?"

"Much." He smiled at the young girl. Glancing to his left, Meredith was still curled up beside him, tucked under his arm, fast asleep. Andrew had evidently vacated the couch at some point, and Stephanie had stretched out, half on the couch and half draped across Meredith's lap. "What time is it?"

Megan shrugged, her eyes sparkling.

He narrowed his gaze. "Megan..."

She bit her lip. "I think it's late."

"When did the movie end?"

"Which one?"

Derek groaned. "How many have there been?"

"A few."

"If it's late, why are you still up?" He tried another tactic.

"Cause Mommy went to bed hours ago, and Daddy fell asleep on the couch." She pointed over her shoulder, and sure enough, there was Simon, curled up on the short couch.

"That can't be good." He eyed his niece. "Why didn't you wake someone?"

She shrugged. "Cause I wanted to watch the movie. And I never get to stay up."

Derek shook his head and carefully dislodged his arm from his slumbering girlfriend. One glance at his watch told him it was well after midnight. _Why hadn't someone__ woken them?_ He caught sight of Mark sleeping on the recliner the three girls had obviously vacated at some point. And, at the other end of the couch, Spencer was still fast asleep, with his son on his chest, but Anna had tucked herself into the corner, and pulled his head onto her lap beside her daughter. They were all fast asleep. That answered that one.

"Where's everyone else?" He asked, suddenly finding himself whispering.

"Gramma and Aunt Abby went to bed. And mommy, and Aunt Nancy and Uncle Dean. And Andrew went downstairs when the last movie ended."

"And your other cousins?"

Megan shrugged.

Derek bit back a laugh as he wiped his hand over his face. "Okay. We need to wake everyone up so that they can go to bed."

She laughed. "That's funny, Uncle Derek."

He made a face. "What's funny?"

She laughed again. "That we need ta wake them up to go to bed."

He smiled. "Well, we can't let them sleep here."

"Why not?"

"Cause it'll hurt in the morning."

She shrugged, and Derek chose to take that as an agreement.

"Okay, why don't you go and jump on your dad and wake him up?"

Megan smiled widely and her body seemed to tense as she nodded and sprang from Derek's lap. He laughed as she ran the few steps between the couches and jumped onto her father's sleeping form.

"Daddy! Wake up! It's time to go to bed!"

Simon made a series of unintelligible grunts, groans and grumbles as his hands expertly came up to support his daughter as she sat over him. "What time is it?"

"A little after one," Derek answered.

"What? Why are you still up?" He asked Megan.

"Cause you and mommy was sleeping!"

Simon sighed and gingerly rolled into a sitting position, forcing Megan to jump off the couch the face him.

"You're not mad, are you daddy?"

Simon smiled at his daughter and held his arms out. "I'm not mad, sweetheart," he told her warmly. "Just don't tell your mother."

Derek snorted. "Hey, Megan, why don't you wake up your Uncle Mark too?"

Megan bounced. "Okay!" And she ran across the room to launch herself onto her uncle as she had just done to her father. There was grumbling from the chair.

"Mer," Derek kissed her head and then gently shook her. "Mer, wake up."

"Nnnnn," was all the response he got as she burrowed her face into his shoulder.

He laughed. "Come on, Mer. You just need to wake up for long enough to crawl up the stairs. And I'd love to carry you, but I doubt I'll be able to get myself up the stairs without crawling..." He grimaced as he stretched his leg out in front of him.

She didn't respond verbally, but she sighed against him, and then slowly began to shift.

Stephanie awoke when the surface under her upper body moved. She blinked wearily at Derek.

"Hey, Steph, we all fell asleep. Do you want to wake up Anna and Spencer?"

She nodded silently and manoeuvred so she could crawl across the couch to her aunt and uncle.

"Well, the system broke down somewhere," Mark stated as he staggered into Derek's central vision.

Derek nodded.

"Well, I'm going to bed," Mark mumbled and turned for the back hallway.

"Me too," Simon said, and with a big effort, managed to push himself up. He winced and staggered a few steps. "Megan, are you going to sleep upstairs? Or downstairs with you sisters again?" She was just at the age where she was beginning to crave sleeping in the basement with the rest of her cousins, but not every night.

"Downstairs," she answered.

"Okay, come give me a hug, both of you."

Derek carefully pushed himself into a standing position, pulling his groggy girlfriend with him. She tucked herself under his arm and sighed. "Sleep..." She mumbled, being the first remotely coherent word since her awakening.

He laughed and kissed her head. "That's the plan."

Simon released his girls from a bear hug. "Okay, now say goodnight to your aunts and uncles."

"Goodnight Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith," they said in unison. "Goodnight Uncle Spencer and Aunt Anna."

"Night girls," Derek joined the response as they left the room. Anna and Spencer, sleeping kids in each of their arms nodded a goodnight and headed for the stairs, Simon right behind them.

"Okay, stairs," Derek mumbled, turning for the back hallway. It meant less walking distance once he had gotten up the flight. With Meredith tucked securely against him, he stumbled through the living room.

"Are you okay?"

"Just a little sore."

She snorted. "Seriously? That game took that much out of you?"

He huffed. "It's not my fault my controlling girlfriend doesn't let me exercise..."

Meredith laughed. "Controlling, huh? And here, all this time, I thought I was offering you a better alternative. But don't worry, I'll make sure and stop."

"On second thought..."

She shook her head and pulled away from him as they entered the front hall. She picked up her purse and a number of shopping bags.

"I thought you said you only bought a little?"

She blushed slightly and shrugged. "Compared to your sisters, this was a little."

Derek laughed and couldn't help but smile at the expression on her face; apprehension and a touch of embarrassment at the revelation that she had been sucked in and spent some money. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. "I'm glad you had a good day. I didn't know you were going with them."

She laughed. "I didn't know either, until I woke up with them staring at us this morning."

"What?"

"I knew I was being watched and I opened my eyes, and there they were, all three of them, staring down at us."

"Hmmm. I don't remember that."

She scoffed. "That's because you were dead to the world. Hell, Derek, Kathleen had to help me unlatch your arms so I could get up, because you refused to let go."

He laughed and closed his arms around her again. "I guess it was a good thing you demanded we get dressed."

"You think?"

He shook his head and kissed her. "I do love you, Meredith Grey."

She smiled up at him and kissed him one more time. "I love you too, Derek Shepherd."

He sighed and released her, letting her go first as he began the monumental task of making it up an entire flight of stairs.

He staggered through the door to his room and quietly shut it behind him. Meredith had already dropped her bags on the floor and collapsed onto the bed. He followed suit, but winced as he landed on something hard. He reached underneath himself and pulled out a small object.

"Here, I guess they gave it back," he passed Meredith her cell phone.

She laughed. "I can't believe they took it. I mean, seriously, they attacked me and stole it."

He nodded. "Yeah. They do things like that. I should have warned you."

She shook her head. "Okay, I gotta get ready for bed," she said as she placed the phone on her nightstand and rolled off the bed. After disappearing into the bathroom for a few minutes, she re-emerged and went to work pulling her pyjamas out of her suitcase.

Derek groaned and decided he too should make a trip to the bathroom.

When he re-entered the room, Meredith was sitting up against the headboard, legs stretched out under the covers, scrolling through her phone. He crawled into bed beside her, his head coming to rest against her side and his arms slinging around her waist. "What are you doing?"

Her hand came to rest in his hair, but she shook her head. Derek closed his eyes and shifted closer.

"Seventeen," she finally stated, dropping her phone wielding hand to her lap. "Seventeen."

"Seventeen what?"

"Numbers. They added seventeen numbers."

"What?"

She lifted her phone back up to eye level, and began reading off. "Anna cell. Anna home. Carol cell. Carol home. Dean cell. Dean work. Kath cell. Kath home. Kath work. Nat cell... seriously. They're all there, Derek. Seventeen numbers.

Derek smiled into her side. "Are you okay with that?"

The hand in his hair began intertwining his locks again. "Yeah. Yeah, I am, just... surprised."

He felt a wave of gratitude to his sisters at the tone of her voice, like a child at Christmas. _I can't believe this is real._ _I can't believe this is happening.__ I can't believe this is all for me._ "Lie down," he said gently, pulling downward with his arm as best he could from his flat-out position.

She did as he requested, sliding down in his arms. Derek adjusted to the difference and pulled her in close when she was still. "Pretty amazing, isn't it?"

She nodded, and he heard the faintest sniff.

"Meredith..." he shifted and kissed her cheek.

"They called me Aunt Meredith," she said quietly.

"Who?"

"Stephanie and Megan, when they said goodnight, they called me Aunt Meredith."

Derek blinked as he reached back in his memory banks. "Yeah, they did. I didn't even..." _notice._ He hadn't realized. "That's..." He trailed off.

"Yeah..." She agreed, knowing exactly what he was unable to verbalize.

"Yeah." He smiled.

She breathed in his arms. "Thank-you for bringing me here, Derek. And thanks for calming me down enough to actually get on the plane. I'm so glad I didn't miss out on this just because I was scared."

Derek smiled at her words, knowing that she meant more than just this weekend when she said she was glad not to have missed out. He felt a familiar welling of his heart and tightened his hold on her, sighing happily. "That's what I'm here for."


	45. Reading between the lines

For the second time in just a few days, Meredith found herself seated in an airport waiting room, with only Mark for company. Derek had disappeared in search of something to read on the plane, and being the Sunday after Thanksgiving, it was very busy. Though, the check-in had been much smoother for Meredith this time. She had trudged along with Derek and Mark to the front desk after they had returned the rental car, and hadn't felt like her heart was going to give out when her suitcase disappeared down the conveyor belt. And there had been no breakdown outside of security. Surprisingly, she actually found herself somewhat sad to be leaving. For the first time in her life she felt like she had a family; and she was hesitant to give that up.

The Shepherd's had spent the previous day sleeping in and relaxing around the house to recover from their holiday. And that morning, when she, Derek, and Mark had said goodbye, everyone had hugged her, including the children. And she had been startled to feel the beginnings of a familiar stinging behind her eyes. But they would be back in the spring, hopefully for at least a week. And she was already looking forward to it.

"The weekend went well," Mark commented with a wry smile.

Meredith nodded, unable to control the smile that came to her lips. "Really well."

"You were right," he said quietly. "I guess they really are my family. I thought that I would be..." he sighed. "I thought it would be awkward, but it was okay."

"They really do love you, Mark. Especially the kids. They definitely missed their Uncle Mark."

He smiled. "I got my family back."

She nodded her agreement.

"And you got a family."

She breathed. "I think so."

"I know so. They really like you, and Carol's particularly taken with you. You're definitely on the inside now."

Meredith smiled. "Thanks. I guess neither of us had anything to worry about."

Mark nodded his agreement. "No. We should have just listened to each other. It would have saved some anxiety."

"Like you practically shoving me off my feet because of a misunderstanding?"

He glared at her. "I just wanted to make everything clear."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Well, I think you went a little overboard, but whatever."

"Hey, I was just making sure they knew I'd never cross that line again," he smirked at her. "No matter how much you beg me."

Meredith scoffed. "No matter how much I beg you? When have I ever begged? Wait, when have I ever shown any interest at all?"

"I know the signs; it's all about the unsaid things. Very discreet. I know you've wanted me."

She snorted. "Yeah, you just keep thinking whatever you want..."

He smirked. "Oh, I will."

"You're an ass."

"And I have a nice ass."

Meredith laughed. "So, apparently nice, easy to talk to, human Mark only lasts for a few days?"

He shrugged. "He comes and goes."

"Whatever. You're still an ass."

"What's he doing now?" Derek asked as he appeared beside her, collapsing into the chair with a new magazine in hand.

Meredith smiled as his arm immediately found her waist. "He's just being an ass."

"Ah, so nothing new, then?"

Meredith laughed as Derek smirked, causing Mark to glare and go back to typing into his laptop.

"So, you get your reading material?"

Derek nodded and lifted his copy of _Discover_. "Last copy. And I stood in line forever. It's far too busy."

"I guess it's always like this, although I've never traveled Thanksgiving weekend before, but I hear it's always busy."

"Mmm-hmm," he agreed absently, leaning into her and sighing. "I'm tired."

"And whose fault is that?"

"Yours."

She scoffed. "Seriously? You're seriously blaming last night on me? You're the one who can't go four days without having sex."

He laughed. "It's not my fault I can't resist you. So, I blame you, for being irresistible."

She rolled her eyes as her mind wandered back to the previous night.

_Meredith ducked her head under the stream of water flowing from the shower head above her, rinsing the suds out of her hair. It had been a long, pleasant day filled with doing very little. She and Derek had slept late together, forgoing a shower in the morning. And as the day had worn on into the evening the kids and their parents began to disappear. Everyone was tired and craving sleep. Meredith had eventually excused herself to have a shower so that her hair could dry before bed._

_She ran her fingers though her hair before ducking her head under the stream once more, and jumped when cold fingers found__ purchase on__ her hips. _

_"Derek!" She exclaimed in surprise, sp__uttering as she tried to turn__ in his grip. But he held her tightly, his lips landing on the sensitive area where her neck met her shoul__der. She moaned. "I didn't __hear you come in."_

_"__Mmm__, I was hoping to surprise you."__ One hand wrapped firmly around her lower torso, holding her firmly against him, and the other roamed upwards towards her breasts. _

_"Derek... Rules..." She said weakly._

_"I thought rules were meant to be broken?" His lips ceased their attack on her neck and his ch__in came to rest on her shoulder, his cheek pushed up against her__ neck_

_"Not all the time."_

_He shifted, and she could tell he was smirking. "Oh, don't __worry;__ they are...all the ti__me, actually__. We've already broken them once, well actually twice, what's a third, and forth?"_

_"But..." She trailed off when she realized she didn't have an argument. The hand holding her to him drifted lower and she gasped as he made contact. "Derek..."_

_"Tell me to stop," he challenged._

_She moaned again. "I can't."_

_His lips continued their assault. And both of his hands were doing wonders to her body. He really was very talented with his hands; professionally and non-professionally__ speaking__. Her hands reached__ behind__ her, one running along his side and the other finding his hair and gently directing the movement of his lips. There wasn't much else she could do if he wouldn't let her move._

_"You know what?" She asked after several minutes._

_"What?" He mumbled against her skin._

_"Rules are stupid."_

_He laughed against her. "I'm glad you're finally coming over to my way of thinking."_

_She sighed, wishing she could disagree, but he was absolutely right. "I guess you are right sometimes, albeit very rarely."_

_Derek smirked. "That's allowed some times. You're going to have to let me be right every once in a while."_

_"How about once a year?"_

_He scoffed. "I'm right more than that." His grip loosened and she too__k__ the opportunity to face him, her arms hooking__ securely__ around his neck. _

_"Whatever," she mumbled as she pulled his face to hers and kissed him. Her hands __buried in his hair, and his__ roamed her body. __"Derek," she murmured as he left her lips to trail down her chin, grazing his teeth gently over the front of her neck. __"That feels..." She trailed off with a groan._

_Derek guided her backwards, until she was pressed up against the wall of the shower, the stream still flowing down on them. The feeling of being caught between the hard wall behind her and the solid feel of Derek's body against hers did wonders for her already heightened senses. _

_"__Mer__..." He moaned her name as he pressed into her. His lips broke contact and he stared into her eyes, his dilated pupils matching hers. "You'__re so beautiful.__"__ His__ palm ran along her cheek and he leaned in to kiss her for several moments. "I love you so much."_

_"I love you, too," she mumbled as she kissed along his jaw line. She pulled away and smiled. "Let's see how many time__s__ we can break the rules."_

_Derek hadn't resisted when she pulled his lips back to hers and deepened the kiss. And they had proceeded to break the rules for a third time. __And a fo__u__rth.__ And even a fifth, before falling asleep in each other's arm. Needless the say, Meredith __was __grateful they hadn't been woken up in the morning__ by his family again as__ she hadn't had the energy to crawl out of bed to get dressed this time._

000

Meredith sighed as she pulled her headset off. The in-flight movie she had been watching on the personal television in front of her had ended and she had no desire to watch the next one. They were about half way home, on the five and a half hour flight. Derek was beside her, his eyes skimming the text along the last few pages of his magazine. She stuffed her headphones into the seat pocket in front of her and leaned her head up against Derek's shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her waist and she closed her eyes.

She lost track of the time she spent in the drifting state, Derek absently kissing the top of her head or running his hand along her side every few minutes. Eventually there was a shuffling sound as he put his magazine down and sighed, his head coming to rest against hers. "Another two hours to go," he commented.

Meredith groaned. "I wish we were already home."

He smirked. "Me too. I already have an idea of what we should do when we get there..."

She laughed at his suggestive tone. "Last night wasn't enough for you?"

"I still have Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday to make up for."

She raised her head off his shoulder to shake it. He met her gaze evenly, his eyes sparkling and an eyebrow raised, and as much as she tried, she couldn't help but smile. "Seriously, Derek, do you ever think about anything else?"

He smirked. "Very rarely."

"Seriously," she muttered as she shook her head.

"Hey, like I said last night. It's not my fault you're irresistible."

"Then whose fault it is that you can't control yourself?"

"I can control myself just fine. I don't seem to remember you being able to ask me to stop..."

Meredith set her jaw, knowing she couldn't talk herself out of this one. He was smirking at her, his dimples evident and his eyes sparkling with that cocky, loving, scorching expression he had long since perfected. She sighed inwardly, as the familiar chills ran through her body and she reached out for his shirt collar and pulled his lips to hers.

Derek was obviously surprised by her sudden onslaught, and it took him a second or two to respond, but once he did, he deepened the kiss. Meredith's fingers remained tightly wrapped around his collar and her other hand came to rest on his thigh, while his hands found her sides.

An announcement by the pilot, informing the passengers of their estimated arrival time and the weather in Seattle, broke Meredith out of her trance. She pulled away, breathless, as she remembered they were on a plane. Derek was panting as well, and his bright blue eyes met hers with a look of understanding.

"I love you," he said gently, leaning in to peck her lips.

"I love you, too." Meredith copied his moves by kissing him quickly.

Derek smiled and instead of releasing her, his arm wrapped securely around her waist and pulled her snugly into his side. She sighed contentedly at the warmth of his body and rested her head on his shoulder. "Derek," she began quietly.

"Hmm?"

"I was thinking..." She trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

"About what?"

"Well... I love our apartment, but I was wondering how long it takes to build a house?"

Derek kept his arm around her side, but released her enough to meet her eyes. "What?" He asked with a smile.

Meredith bit her lower lip, wondering why she had butterflies in her stomach when it wasn't a secret they were going to build a house one day. "It's just, your mother's house is so beautiful, and I know she and your dad designed it, and I know how much you want to build a house with me. And I want it, too. And our lease on our apartment will be up in mid summer, so we'll either have to have somewhere to move then, or wait another year. So... I was wondering how long you think it would take, seeing as we'd have to have plans made and then actually build it and everything..." She trailed off, her upper incisors recapturing her bottom lip.

"You're ready to build a house?" He asked softly, his eyes no longer simply sparkling, but misted and took on a softer quality.

Meredith nodded gently. "I think I am. I know we were going to wait to move out there until I stopped having interns, but I assume at the earliest it'll be ready by the end of next summer, and by then I'll be a third year resident, which means, hopefully, I'll be doing more teaching than trying to teach and learn... And I guess I didn't get it before. I didn't get what made it so special, the idea of building a house together. Just decorating and buying furniture and stuff was awesome, and I really do love our apartment, but actually _building_ a home with you, Derek, would be..." She trailed off and inhaled a shuddery breath. "It's something I really want to do, and sooner rather than later."

"You're ready to build a house?" He repeated, his eyes and tone still taking on that same soft quality.

"Yeah, Derek. I am. I really am."

"Mer..." He trailed off and pulled her in for a deep, emotion filled kiss. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against hers and breathed. "Just when I didn't think this weekend could have gone any better, you go and say something like that."

Meredith giggled. "I assume that means you're ready too?"

"I think I've been ready for...ever."

She smiled and closed her eyes, her forehead still pressed against his. "So, how long do you think it would take?"

"I'm not sure." He sighed and pulled away. "We'd probable have to wait until spring to put a basement in, so that would give us four or five months to have the plans drawn and everything. But the actual building... I have no idea. It would probably depend on how big the house will be, and whether or not we can get a construction team to start right away."

"How big a house do you want?"

He breathed. "Not huge, but definitely not small."

Meredith snorted. "How very decisive of you."

He laughed. "I mean I want a big house, but not a mansion."

"Okay. That sounds good."

"How about you? What do you want?"

She smirked. "Are we taking turns again? Regressing to preschool?"

Derek laughed and kissed her cheek. "It worked last time."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Fine. I want a big living room, like at you mom's. Big and open, with enough room for more than one seating area if we want."

He nodded his agreement. "And lots of windows."

"Mmm-Hmm," she nodded. "And, of course, a Jacuzzi tub."

"In a big, fancy, on-suite bathroom?"

"Attached to our big, fancy master bedroom."

"With a view," he finished.

She laughed and nodded her agreement. "And a king size bed."

"Of course." And they were both silent for a few moments, simultaneously lost in thought. "It's your turn," he finally stated.

"No, it's your turn. I said king size bed."

He nodded. "Which is not part of the building process, so it doesn't count."

She laughed. "You really are annoying sometimes, do you know that?"

"But you love me for it." He kissed her.

Meredith rolled her eyes when he pulled away. "Whatever."

"It's still your turn."

She huffed. "Fine," she paused as she thought for a moment. "A big porch, maybe to wrap around part of the house, so we can sit outside and admire the view."

"With a hammock I can sleep on when the snoring gets too loud."

"Derek!" She hissed as she swiped a hand across his chest. "More like a hammock you can sleep on when you're an ass and get kicked _out_ of the house."

He laughed and managed to grab a hold of her hand and squeeze tightly. "For both, then."

She huffed, but let him keep a hold of her hand, unable to prevent the small smile from flittering to her lips. This happy-go-lucky, free, joking Derek was relatively new. She had seen hints of him when they had first been together, but she hadn't been exposed to the full blown version until the past few months, and he was showing himself more and more. And she loved it. It made her feel like he was comfortable enough around her to just be him. There was no weight on his shoulders, no hesitancy about what he was saying to her and no uncertainty about their future. It was a version she was looking forward to seeing more and more as their time together progressed.

"It's your turn," she told him. "The hammock doesn't count, because it's not part of the 'building process.'" She made quotations with her free hand.

"Are you mocking me?"

"Absolutely."

He laughed. "Fine. We'll need lots of bedrooms, so my family can come and visit." He smirked. "Or we could build a guesthouse, so that when they do come, we don't have to deal with them all the time..."

"Derek, that's mean."

He shrugged. "Just putting it out there."

She laughed. "So, tons of bedrooms..."

He nodded, suddenly showing a flash of uncertainty. "For when my family comes to visit."

Meredith hesitated, her eyes locked on his, knowing they were both thinking the same thing. "And maybe for more then just when they visit?"

He breathed. "That's... I..." He trailed off and sighed. "Look, Mer, you know where I stand on the kids issue."

"You want them." It wasn't a question.

He nodded. "I do. But I want you more. I'm trying not to pressure you. And I won't resent you if the answer is no."

Meredith nodded. She believed him. But after the family weekend she had just experienced, her opinion had shifted, and she still wasn't sure where she stood. And discussing it; her thoughts, her fears, her uncertainty... It wasn't something she was sure she could do. She blinked several times before she closed her eyes and breathed. And when she re-opened her eyes, he was still there, still gazing at her with that same, loving, expression. And his hand was still wrapped tightly around hers. The intensity was almost too much for her. She took a shuddery breath and met the eyes of the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with. And suddenly it wasn't as scary as before. She could say anything to him. She squeezed his hand, and he squeezed back.

"I'm not against the kid thing," she admitted quietly. "I mean it's kind of terrifying, but I'm not set against it."

"Okay."

"And after this weekend..." She smiled. "Derek, you're wonderful with kids. They all love you. And if we have kids, you could teach me."

"Oh, Mer, it would come naturally to you. You wouldn't need me to teach you. You did great with them all this weekend."

She nodded, grateful for his ever-present faith in her abilities. It gave her more faith in herself, now that she had learned to trust it, that is. "Maybe," she consented. "But it's still terrifying. But...after this weekend, I think it's less terrifying. I'm still not sure..."

He smiled dreamily at her and squeezed her hand. "That's okay. We don't need to decide on anything right now."

"Thank-you, Derek, for being so understanding."

He smirked. "That's what I'm here for."

She laughed and kissed him. "Anyway, I just want you to know that I'm thinking about it. It was terrifying, and now seems a little less terrifying, and after this weekend, I..." She trailed off, trying to gather her thoughts into something sensible. This was one of those times she needed to be able to express herself properly. "I'm suddenly less sure of where I stand on the issue. I'm dealing with a lot of new, and conflicting thoughts suddenly, and I don't know how long it will take me to figure it out."

"Take all the time you need."

She smiled at him. "Okay, but I want you to know that I think my opinion has shifted. Instead of being terrified and trying to convince myself it would be okay, I think I..." She swallowed. "I think I'm leaning towards wanting it, and trying to convince myself it won't be the disaster that annoying voice in my head is convinced it will be."

Derek considered her words. "So, what you're trying to say is..."

She inhaled a shuddery breath and met his eyes. "What I'm trying to say is I think I'm leaning towards yes."

Nothing could have prepared her for the brilliant smile that broke out on Derek's face at her words. "Really?"

Meredith nodded. "Really. And when I manage to organize and deal with my thoughts, I'll let you know."

"I love you so much," he whispered as he pulled her into a tight hug.

"I love you more." Her hand found its way over his shoulder to his hair, where she buried her digits and held on tight.

He laughed against her shoulder. "Not true."

"It is so true."

"Nope."

She nodded and pulled away to meet his shining eyes. "You're wrong. And I'm right, just like usual."

He grumbled. "You choose to believe whatever you want. I know the truth."

She shook her head at his antics and kissed him again. "Okay," she said as she pulled away. "I don't want to break the mood, but I was thinking about what we talked about on the way to New York, about feeling guilty..."

Derek nodded. "About the prom?"

"Yeah. I think I know what we need to do..."

000

Meredith sighed as she released her seatbelt, but made no move to exit her vehicle. The large, familiar building across the parking lot seemed unusually intimidating, making her want to simply restart her jeep and drive home. But she and Derek had made a deal, and they each had a very important conversation to have. So, she had to do this.

But the idea, which had seemed simple and innocent enough when she and Derek had discussed it on their plane ride home from New York the previous Sunday, suddenly seemed horribly awkward and complex and...not something she particularly wanted to do. But she needed to do it. She needed to be able to forgive herself. And this was the path to doing so. All she had to do was get out of her car.

It was already Friday, and she hadn't been off work during business hours all week, which had allowed the knowledge of what she had to do to fester and grow and become this huge, scary, intimidating thing. The only person other than Derek that she had told was Cristina, and her best friend definitely thought she was going insane. But Meredith was determined. She was growing and maturing and learning to do the relationship thing and the family thing. And she could do the apology thing.

With a heavy sigh, Meredith reached for the handle of the door and stepped out, walking swiftly towards the front door before she lost her resolve. As she pulled open the heavy wooden door, a spiffy Jack Russell bounced out, attached to a thin blue leash. The owner offered her a nod as they headed to their car. Meredith took a deep breath and stepped through the doorway.

It was nearing the end of the work day, and the waiting area was empty. The friendly receptionist looked up, her eyes narrowing in vague recognition. "Hi Lola," Meredith greeted. She had spoken with the woman many times when she had come in to sit with Doc or meet Finn. "Is Dr. Dandridge in?"

"Meredith," Lola spoke in greeting. "He is, just finishing up with his last patient. Did he know you were coming?"

"Uh, no. I was just hoping I could speak with him."

"I'll let him know you're here as soon as he's done."

"Thank-you." Meredith sat on the couch along the wall, pulling a pet magazine into her lap to pass the time.

"Did the knitting ever get any easier?"

Meredith laughed in the memory of her first meeting with the receptionist. "No, not really. I kind of gave up on it. I was so bad my roommate was knitting herself and trading her pieces for mine, to make me think I could knit."

Lola laughed, but the door to the exam room opened before she could respond. A large Retriever cross ambled out, his tail wagging slowly back and forth. An elderly woman followed behind, leash in hand and made her way to the desk, handing her credit card to Lola, who eventually passed her a receipt to sign. The dog stood up, his large, furry front paws finding the counter ledge as he stretched his head and nose across the counter. Lola smiled and passed him a cookie. "Goodbye Rex," she said happily, patting the dog affectionately on the head. She turned her attention back to the owner. "Bye Mrs. Anderson. We'll give you a call when he's due for his next check."

"Thanks, Lola. Come on Rex," the owner said as she headed for the door.

"I'll go talk to Dr. Dandridge now," Lola said, turning her attention back to Meredith. She disappeared through the door for several moments before coming back out with a gentle smile. "He'll be out soon."

"Thanks."

Lola proceeded to shut down the computer and gather her things. "I'm off for the day," she announced. "It was nice to see you again."

"You too."

Lola stepped out the front door and the waiting area fell silent. Meredith stared unseeingly down at her magazine, her earlier nervousness returning in full at the anticipation of what was to come and the complete lack of control at the realization that Finn held all the power in when their conversation would take place. There was no getting out of this now. She took a deep breath as footsteps approached the door across the room.

"Meredith," Finn greeted warmly as he walked through the lobby towards her.

"Finn. Hi," she stuttered, feeling stupid for not having something better to say when it was her that had come to see him. She stood and they exchanged an awkward, half hug.

"So," he said with a gentle smile. "What do I owe this pleasure?"

Meredith breathed. "I, uh, I came because I owe you an apology."

"No, there's nothing you need to apologize for..."

"Yes. Yes, there is, because I hurt you. I led you on. And I danced with and listened as you told me you had plans, and then I..." she sighed. "You said you didn't want to know what happened that night at the prom. But I think it was pretty obvious."

"Meredith-"

"No, Finn, I need to do this. You deserved better. I was trying to move on, and you really are a great guy. And a ton of women would be lucky to have you. And you knew I was scary and damaged, but you didn't push me, and you didn't make me feel bad about myself. You were helpful and supportive and you... you told me you had plans. And I cheated on you. You didn't deserve that. You're a good guy, and you deserved so much better."

Finn sighed, and motioned for her to sit down, and he joined her, sitting kitty corner on the seat by the couch, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees. "It's okay, Meredith, like I said before. We never said we were exclusive."

Meredith shook her head. "No. That's no excuse for what I did. We never said it, but it was assumed."

"You're really intent on this, aren't you?" He asked with a wry smile.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, I'm kind of working through a ton of issues and things that I need to get passed to move on with my life. And I'm not avoiding anymore. And I regret hurting you. I'm here to apologize. So, Finn, I am so sorry for what I did to you. I'm sorry for hurting you. You're a wonderful man, and you deserved better. I'm sorry."

He nodded. "Thank-you, Meredith. And your apology is accepted in full."

Meredith smiled. "Thanks."

He smiled. "You know, the week after we broke up, I met someone."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I got called out to see an injured horse, and she was a new boarder at the stable. The horse had a fractured proximal sesamoid, so I was out quite a few times that week, and she was there every time. And I finally got the courage to ask her out, and we've been together for almost eight months now."

"You're happy?"

He nodded. "Very happy. It's not always easy, but I'm happy."

"Do you have plans again?"

"I do."

"Good," she responded as a wave of relief washed over her. "I'm so glad, Finn. I'm glad you're happy. And I've come to realize that it's not supposed to be easy."

He nodded. "I think you're right. If it's easy, it's not worth fighting for."

"Yeah, and with you and me..."

"It was too easy." He said, completing her thought.

"Yeah."

"You're not a bad person, Meredith. I don't think badly of you. I understand why you chose him."

"Thank-you," she said with a slight nod. "That means a lot to me, especially coming from you. And I really am glad you're happy."

He smiled. "Her name's Ashley. And we're starting to talk about moving in together."

"And she likes horses." Meredith added with a smile.

He nodded. "She has a wonderful warmblood cross gelding, named Vince. They complete on the dressage circuit. I got to watch her compete a few times this summer. And she has two dogs. So, she's definitely an animal lover."

Meredith laughed. "That's important."

He smiled. "It is."

"And you're happy."

"I am." He nodded. "Are you?"

"I really am," she told him. "I'm finally finding myself able to be happy; to not be constantly afraid the other shoe is going to drop. It's a good feeling."

"And you're...with Derek?"

She nodded. "Yeah. We didn't get back together right away. It was a couple weeks after I got my appendix out. And it was...okay for a while, like we were happy on the surface. And life kept piling on the negative things, and suddenly we weren't so okay anymore. And it was time to make a decision, so we buckled down and learned how to talk, and how to communicate, and actually get through things." She smiled. "And it seemed to work, because we're pretty solid now. And we're happy. I can't imagine what life would be like right now if we had given up..."

"I'm glad you're happy too, Meredith."

"Thanks, Finn." She hesitated. "You were wrong about him, you know?"

"About what?"

"You told me he was going to hurt me again. And you were wrong. I mean, obviously there is always some hurt in a relationship. I think it's inevitable. But he'd never hurt me like _that_ again. He really is a good guy. And he goes out of his way to make things better for me. And even though I was far from ready to make any real commitments when he was, he let everything go my speed, and he never pushed me too fast. He's a good man, too," she repeated.

Finn smiled warmly at her. "I'm glad I was wrong, Meredith."

"Me too."

000

The phone rang several times in Derek's ear before a receptionist finally picked up.

"Oceanside Wellness Group. How can I help you?" A young male voice greeted.

"Hi, I'm looking to speak to Addison Montgomery."

"Are you a patient?"

"No, I'm...a friend."

"Can I ask for your name?"

"Derek Shepherd."

"Please hold and I'll see if she's free." The receptionist clicked off and a stereotypical montage of quiet musical filled in the background.

Derek sighed and paced back and forth along the window line, staring out at the magnificent view from his and Meredith's living room. As much as he knew he had to do this, he wasn't looking forward to it. But he had made a deal with Meredith, and knew she was over at the vet's, carrying out her half of the agreement.

"Mr. Shepherd?" The voice came back on line. "Dr. Montgomery is free. I'll put you through to her office."

"Thank-you."

There was a click and a ring before his line was picked up again.

"Derek?" His ex-wife's voice filtered through the phone.

"Hey, Addy."

"It's nice to hear from you. I had a good conversation with your sister this week."

"Which one?"

"Nancy. And Derek, thank-you so much, for talking with her. I've really missed talking to her."

Derek paused. "I didn't realize you weren't talking to her."

"Oh," she said, and breathed before continuing. "She, uh, hasn't spoke to me since she visited Seattle...after you told her Mark and I had lived together before I followed you there. I got the impression you had talked to her. She said you were there for Thanksgiving and that she found out you had forgiven me, and that you thought it was okay for her to talk to me..."

"We didn't talk about you. I don't..." he trailed off with a laugh.

"What?"

"It must have been Meredith."

"She went with you?"

"Yeah, the three of us went."

"Three?"

"Mer, me and Mark."

There was silence. "You...you took Mark?"

"Yeah. We've come a long way with moving past everything. He and Mer are friends, so it was kind of hard to ignore him. We're not back to where we were, but we'll get there," he stated confidently.

"Derek, I'm so..." she trailed off and he heard her sniff. "That makes me feel so much better about everything that happened. I never wanted to ruin your friendship. That was always what I felt guilty about the most."

"You didn't," he reassured her.

"Good. Thank-you, Derek." She breathed. "So, what were you calling for?"

"Actually, I was calling to apologize..."

000

Meredith stepped in the front door and slid her shoes and coat off. She didn't spot Derek right away, but the television was on, so that gave her a clue. She padded across the living room, and spotted him sprawled across the couch, mostly on his back, but tilted just so towards the entertainment center, his arms resting on his chest.

"Hey," she greeted as she paused to observe the television, but a commercial was playing. "What are you watching?"

"Hey," he responded warmly. "Football."

"Oh, I can actually watch that now. I know the rules." Instead of taking any one of the empty spots on the couch or chairs in their living room, she lay herself down along Derek's body, coming to rest between him and the back of the couch, her head and upper torso lying across his chest.

He laughed. "I could have taught you the rules before." He closed his arm around her frame, holding her to him in a loose embrace.

She shrugged. "It's not the same. It would have been boring before, but now that I've beat you at it, it's more interesting."

He scoffed. "Why do I put up with you?"

"Because you love me," she responded without missing a beat.

"Oh, that's right. I knew it was something..."

She swiped her hand across his free shoulder lightly. "Don't be an ass."

Derek closed his arms around her and held her tightly, pressing his lips against her head. "How did it go?" He asked quietly.

"Good, I think. We talked for a while. He met someone else about a week after my surgery, and they've been together ever since. And he says he's happy, and that he has plans again." She shrugged. "All in all, I think it went well. And I definitely know I'm glad I did it."

"You feel better?" His grip loosened and one arm stayed wrapped securely around her torso, while the other captured her hand in his, and their joined digits rested together on his chest.

"Yeah, I feel a lot better. How about you?"

"Same. We talked for a while. She's doing well, glad she moved. And she said that Nancy called her this week; first time since she visited. Said that Nancy told her she had found out I had forgiven her. And Nancy and I definitely never talked about Addison last weekend..."

"Oh," Meredith said, unsure of what to say. "I, uh, yeah. We talked about her, Nancy and I. All I said was that you had forgiven Addison and Mark. I'm sorry if I overstepped, or whatever..."

Derek grumbled. "Mer, I'm not upset, at all. You can talk to my sisters about whatever you want. I was surprised, that's all."

"Okay."

His one-armed grip tightened. "Really. I'm glad. I never realized Nancy had cut ties. And I'm glad she's...uncutting those ties."

Meredith snorted. "Uncutting ties?"

He laughed, his chest reverberating through hers. "I didn't know how else to phrase that. But I really am glad for it. Addy doesn't deserve to lose everything."

"You're really not upset?"

"I'm really not upset. I promise."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay. Good."

They lay in comfortable silence for several minutes. The football game returned to the television only feet away from them, but neither paid it any attention.

"Do you feel better?" Meredith finally murmured against his chest.

"Less guilty? Yeah, I think so."

"Me too." She sighed. "I'm glad we apologized. I feel lighter."

He nodded his agreement. "Yeah, me too. It makes me feel better about us; like we didn't start out on such wobbly ground anymore."

"You mean we're like a house, and our foundation is stable now?"

He laughed. "Exactly."

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because you're cute."

Meredith huffed and raised her head off his chest to glare at him. "Seriously, why are you laughing at me?"

He met her eyes with a mischievous grin. "I just found some humour in your choice of metaphor..."

"What's wrong with my metaphor? It was good."

She could tell he was biting back further laughter. "What ever you say, dear."

"Oh, don't you whatever-you-say-dear me, Shepherd," she grumbled. "You understood me just fine."

"Because I've adapted, kind of like evolution, with the forced adaptation; learn to interpret Meredith speak or be permanently unable to understand half of what she says..."

"You think you're being funny?" She asked, trying to appear serious, though her eyes were sparkling.

He nodded and lifted his head up to kiss her. "I am being funny, and honest, at the same time."

She scoffed and rolled off of the couch. He sat upright, still grinning at her as she stood, hands on her hips, glaring down at him. "Funny and honest, huh?"

He nodded. "Yup. It's a talent of mine, along with being able to interpret Meredith speak."

"And what exactly do you mean by Meredith speak?"

"Come on, Mer. You ramble. You construct very odd and vague metaphors. And you say a lot without actually saying anything, leaving a lot to be read between the lines or through body language."

Meredith scrunched her face, wanting to defend herself, but knowing he was absolutely right. She had never perfected getting her point across easily, and seriously doubted she ever would, but he was very good at reading her. "Oh, and you're Mr. Perfect?" She retorted, choosing to defer the focus of their conversation.

"I'm your Mr. Perfect," he countered.

She laughed, but fought to keep a stern expression. "Why can't you just-" She began, but he cut her off.

"You know, you're very sexy when you're bossy."

"Don't even think about it..." But it was too late. Derek launched himself up from the couch and she was in his arms before she had a chance to react. "Derek!" She shrieked, as he headed for the stairs, quickly taking them two at a time before entering their bedroom and depositing her on their bed. "What are you doing?" She asked through her laughter as his weight settled down on top of her.

"Interpreting Meredith speak," he responded. "You totally wanted me. I read the body language..."

She laughed out loud as his lips found her clavicle. "You know what, Derek? You are good."

He laughed against her skin, causing his lips to graze her.

She moaned and pulled his head up to kiss him.

When Derek finally pulled away, he lifted his head several inches from hers, his arms supporting his weight on either side of her shoulders and met her eyes. "It was a good idea," he said softly. "To apologize. I'm glad we did it. I feel..." He smiled and moved one hand to brush a few stray strands of hair out of her eyes. "I feel so much better."

Meredith smiled up at his honest expression. "Me too. So much freer." She ran her hand up his chest and found a handful of his collar to pull him back down to her.

He relented, only coming to a stop a few millimetres away. "It was never a cheap thing," he admitted softly.

She smiled, he hand hooking around his neck to his hair. "I know."

"I never should have left you in the first place."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know."

Derek raised an eyebrow, refusing to close the short gap between them.

Meredith laughed. "And I love you, too."

"That's better," he mumbled and pressed his lips against hers.

_**AN: Second last chapter... I've already started the final chapter in my forty-six chapter, two hundred thousand **__**word**__**, supposed to be a one-shot **__**fic**__**, and I found myself very sad. I'm really going to miss this story. However, there will be a sequel. I would love to already have a title for you, but I've only come up with three; one is funny, but stupid and gives away the entire plot of the story, one is somewhat corny but possible, and one is the same as an episode title. Anyway, when I do post the sequel (**__**prolly**__** at least a month from now) I will leave a message in an **__**AN**__** in Where You Belong (which I will get back to as soon as this **__**fic**__** is done**____**, and possibly on my author's page.**_

_** I just want to thank everyone who has been reading**__** and**__** leaving feedback, it's a major incentive to get motivated and write more often. For those of you who were also reading **__**Where**__** You Belong, I hope you will forgive me from my long absence and return to reading it. I thought I could handle both, but I was wasting too much time reading back to keep in the proper story line. Also, I posted a one-shot (Life **__**Without**__** Tequila) a few weeks ago, and it didn't get many hits. For anyone interested, I was trying something new for me. It's supposed to be about the idea, not so much the actual stor**__**y. But it is post 4.11 and it do**__**es have hope! **__**Lol**______**If you read it, just stick with it until the end. **__**Thanks for reading!**_


	46. What I'm Here For

Meredith set her tray down beside Derek's, joining her boyfriend, Izzy and Cristina at the cafeteria table. She had been in surgery since early that morning, and it was only now, well into the afternoon, that she was able to spare a few moments for some much needed refuelling. It no longer surprised her to catch Derek and her friends eating at the same table, but it still made her heart jump every time. She really didn't want to keep the two most important parts of her life separate, but it was evident she wasn't going to have to. Even Cristina was warming up to him again, regardless of the fact she had lectured him for 'destroying her person' after she had come back 'soft' from their Thanksgiving weekend trip a few weeks prior.

"Hey," Derek greeted warmly, leaning in for a quick kiss.

"Hey," she responded when she pulled away, extending her greeting to the rest of the table.

"I shouldn't be talking to you," Cristina stated.

"Why not?"

"Cause you were in surgery all morning, while I was stuck in the pit stitching up psychotic middle aged men who seriously need a new hobby in life. Seriously, you think you'd be embarrassed to be in public looking like that."

"Come on, they were in costume. I think it was cute," Izzy countered.

"Yeah, you would."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Stop!" Meredith commanded, effectively cutting into the argument. "Can you fill me in before you continue this?"

Cristina rolled her eyes and motioned for Izzy to explain.

"A group of skaters who put on a children's Christmas play every year got into a bit of a fight during practice," Izzy said with a shrug. "And apparently a group pile up isn't such a good idea when you're wearing skates... Lots of wounds, lots of blood and lots of stitches."

"And they all showed up in creepy elf costumes," Cristina added.

"They weren't creepy," Izzy countered.

Meredith laughed as they began arguing again. Ever since Izzy had taken such a firm interest in Cardio, the two squared off about all sorts of topics. But they didn't seem to actually hate each other, just determined to beat the other at something, regardless of the subject matter. "Yeah, they're gone again," she said lightly, turning to Derek. "You do anything interesting today?" Christmas was less than two weeks away, so there had already been a multitude of unusual holiday related maladies and patients.

Derek smirked. "Well, I scrubbed in with a sexy resident on a tumour resection this morning..."

Meredith laughed and playfully bumped his shoulder. "Really?"

He nodded, successfully keeping a straight face. "She kept making eyes at me across the table."

"I did not!" She scoffed.

Derek's expression broke. "Okay, maybe I was the one making eyes," he admitted. "But I can't help it if I find my favourite resident irresistible."

She felt a familiar fluttering in her chest at his words and leaned into his shoulder, smiling when his arm found her waist. His head came to rest over hers and she sighed happily as she let his sturdy frame keep her upright for several moments. It had been a long couple weeks, filled to the brim with double shifts, and instead of relaxing in her spare time, Meredith found herself being dragged Christmas shopping. She had relented to accompanying Derek to shop for his mother and his sisters and brothers-in-law. And he had guilted her into joining him on several toy store runs.

_If you're going to be Aunt Meredith, you have to pull your own weight._

But really, she was happy to go with him. He seemed so free and happy lately, and there was nothing she wanted more than to spend time with him, regardless of the task or environment. She sighed happily.

"Tired?" He asked gently, lifting his head off of hers.

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to this weekend." After barely any time off for several weeks, and very little in the coming weeks, they were both scheduled off work for Saturday and Sunday. Their bags were already packed and loaded into the trunk of Derek's car, and they planned to drive out to the trailer that evening after work and spend the weekend doing nothing but resting and spending time together. And she was looking forward to it. Not only had they very little time to spend together lately, but they hadn't been out to the trailer in over a month, and she missed the intimate solitude.

"Me too," he responded, but his tone portrayed more than just agreement and anticipation of a relaxing weekend. There was something else...

She lifted her head off his shoulder and met his eyes. They were sparkling, and his lips were curled up in the corners. "What are you up to?"

"What do you mean?" He asked in mock surprise and innocence, his smile widening.

Meredith narrowed her eyes. He was playing with her, baiting her. And he was enjoying it. "You know exactly what I mean. What are you planning?"

He raised an eyebrow. "I may have a surprise for you."

"What?"

He scoffed. "If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise."

"What if I don't like surprises?"

"You'll like this one."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because, I know you. And trust me, you'll like this."

"Derek..."

"Meredith..." He countered with fake exasperation, causing her to giggle.

"Seriously, you can't just tell me there's a surprise and not tell me what it is."

"Really? Because I think I just did."

She scoffed. "Come on, at least give me a hint?" She cocked her head to the side and stuck her bottom lip out just a bit.

He narrowed his eyes and pretended to contemplate her request. "I'm not sure. I think I need to be convinced if I'm going to give you a hint..."

"What kind of hint?" She asked quietly, her tone showing she knew exactly what type of hint he meant, as she leaned in closer to him.

"Surprise me," he breathed.

She pressed her lips up against his, engaging him in a deep kiss for several moments before pulling away. "So?"

He opened his mouth, only to be cut of by his pager. His fingers expertly found the device on his waistband and tilted it up so he could read it. "My OR's free. I have to go." He stood to leave, but she snaked her hand out to grab his sleeve and pulled him back down to her level.

"I get my hint first," she demanded.

He laughed. "You'll like it."

"That doesn't count," she complained as he dislodged the fabric of his lab coat from her fingers. "You already said that."

"You never stipulated I couldn't reuse it."

"Well, it's stupid anyway. It's too subjective, not a real hint."

Derek laughed. "Well, it's all you're going to get for now." He kissed the top of her head and strode away through the throngs of tables, hospital staff and patient's family members.

Meredith huffed and turned her attention back to her friends.

"You two are seriously nauseating; you do know that, right?" Her best friend stated.

"That's not true," Izzy countered. "I think it's sweet. What do you think the surprise is?"

Meredith shook her head. "I have no idea, though he has been acting odd the last couple weeks, ever since we got back from New York. He's definitely been planning something." Her mind spun in reverse as she narrowed in on examples of his odd behaviour as of late. There were at least two instances where he let his phone go to voicemail in her presence, he'd shut his laptop and refused to let her see what had been on the screen one day, and he'd been out 'Christmas shopping' for hours once, and had returned without anything to show for it, other than an excited smile.

Izzy's smile lit up and her body tensed, and Meredith knew exactly what she was thinking.

"And it's obviously something to do with his land," she said quickly, preventing Izzy from voicing her thoughts. It was all Meredith needed for any of the nurses to hear and the rumour would circle the hospital before the day was over. "I suggested heading out to the trailer two weeks ago when we had a day off together, but he came up with a hundred excuses not to." She shrugged. "And really dumb excuses. You'd think a brain surgeon would be better at lying."

Cristina snorted. "Maybe he bought you your very own fishing pole."

Meredith laughed as Izzy rolled her eyes. "Maybe," she humoured her best friend's sarcasm. "But do you fish this late in the year?"

"_I_ don't fish ever."

"Ah, right, of course."

"Maybe he built you a house?" Izzy said excitedly, ignoring Cristina's contribution to the conversation.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "First of all, I was out there in September, and no house. I sincerely doubt you can build one that fast. Second, we just started talking about building a house. He wouldn't do it without me..." She trailed off at the realization that she hadn't mentioned that particular tidbit of information to her friends yet.

Izzy looked ready to explode, and even Cristina looked surprised.

"You're going to build a house? Seriously?! Meredith, that's awesome. What kind of house? How big? When?"

Meredith exchanged a look with Cristina. "I don't really know how to classify 'kinds' of houses, but a nice one; fair size, but not huge, with a view. And we're meeting contractors in the New Year."

"This is so exciting! How soon will you be able to move in?"

"Uh, they said that if we get the plans drawn pretty quickly and everything goes well that it could be finished by this time next year."

"A whole year? That sucks."

Meredith shrugged. "Well, the point was to get started now, so that when we're ready, it's there."

"Your point or _his_ point?" Cristina asked. As much as she was accepting Derek's position in Meredith's life, she was still uncertain of his intentions at times. Although, Meredith was pretty sure that had more to do with her own experiences, rather than anything specific to Derek.

"Our point," Meredith clarified. "It was actually my idea."

"Ah, I'm so proud of you," Izzy gushed. "Look how much you've grown. A year ago you were avoidant, dark and twisty. And now you're actually implementing steps. Seriously, Meredith, the fact that _you_ can do this gives us all hope."

"Thanks for that."

Izzy laughed. "But seriously, you brought up building a house?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, I mean we'd talked about doing it one day, but I was the one to start the ball rolling on the whole building it now thing."

Izzy smiled. "And you asked him to move in with you, right?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah...so?"

"It means McDreamy is a pansy," Cristina cut in with a smirk. "Too afraid to make any moves on his own."

Meredith laughed. "No, it means McDreamy is dreamy, and waits for his _avoidant, dark and twisty_ girlfriend to be ready for the next step." She put extra emphasis on the description Izzy had given her.

Izzy rolled her eyes as Meredith's tone. "I so didn't mean it that way."

"Yes, because that can be taken so many ways."

"Whatever," she waved her hand. "Back to my original point. You've instigated a few big steps lately."

Meredith shrugged. "This isn't really a step...more of a sub-step. Moving in together was the big step, building a house is like...an upgrade."

"Are there going to be any more big steps soon?"

Even Cristina seemed interested in Meredith's answer.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Other than building a house?"

Izzy scoffed. "Yes."

Meredith shrugged. "I instigated the house building. The next step is up to Derek."

"Have you talked about it?"

"What is this? Twenty questions?"

Izzy sighed. "Come on, we're your friends. We want info."

"We're building a house, that's all the info I have at the moment. But I'll make sure you're the first to know," Meredith added with a sarcastic smirk.

000

Meredith jolted awake as she was shaken gently. But when she opened her eyes, she didn't see anything. Her hands flew up and locked around the barrier between her eyes and her surroundings.

"Close your eyes," Derek's familiar voice commanded.

"What?" Meredith managed to ask, as she realized her fingers were wrapped around his right wrist and hand. But why he was intentionally blocking her view was beyond her. "Where are we?" She was sitting upright, with Derek to her right. A breeze was coming from his direction and she shivered involuntarily.

He leaned in close and she could feel his warm breath by her ear before he kissed the side of her head. "You fell asleep on the drive here. Now close your eyes so I can remove my hand." He had obviously taken a chance that she would stay asleep while he exited the car and made his way around to her door, where he now crouched.

"Derek..." She protested. She had been on her feet all day, and barely remembered getting in the car after she found him waiting for her in the lobby after her shift.

"Are they closed?"

She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut. "Yes."

His hand didn't move. "Do you promise to keep them shut until I say to open them?"

She laughed. "Yes." If he wanted to truly surprise her with whatever he had planned, he was going to do it. She may as well play along.

He kissed the side of her head again. "Good." His hand left her face and reached across her lap to unlatch her seatbelt, before gently guiding her out of the car to her feet.

"Derek..." she said unsurely as he pulled her forward and she staggered, unsure of her footing.

His arms wrapped around her waist from behind and his chin appeared on her shoulder. "Trust me," he whispered as he slowly pushed her forward.

After a few unsure steps, Meredith began trusting his guidance and began stepping more surely. "How far do we have to walk like this?"

"Not much further." And true to his word, he pulled her to a stop a few steps later. His arms seemed to reach further around her middle as his chest pushed up snugly with her back. "Okay, open your eyes."

Meredith slowly opened her lids, blinking twice to focus in the dim light of the setting sun. But there was no mistaking the object he had taken so much care to hide from her knowledge over the past weeks. Her hand flew unbidden to her lips and she choked back a laugh. "Seriously?" She finally verbalized. "You..." she trailed off as her body shuddered. "You seriously bought..." She laughed freely as the tears streamed down her cheeks. "Wow, Derek, wait until I tell your sisters. You're going to take so much heat for this."

He nodded, his chin still resting on her shoulder. "Like I told you before, I'm okay with it."

She turned in his grasp, her hands hooking around the back of his neck. His eyes were sparkling and she couldn't help but smile back. "Why?"

He smiled down at her. "Because I promised you that you'd never have to share a bed with me that I've shared with anyone else. And I'm keeping my promises now."

"Derek..." She was overcome when the emotions she was feeling shifted suddenly at his honest words.

"Hey," he said gently, leaning down to press his lips against hers.

"I didn't think you were serious," Meredith said. "I thought you were joking when you said you were going to get another trailer."

He shrugged. "Maybe I was, but I thought about it, and it seemed like a good idea. This way we can have our untainted memories again."

Meredith closed her eyes as she leaned her forehead into his chin and breathed in his comforting scent. "Thank-you, Derek," she whispered when she lifted her head away from his support. "You don't know what this means."

He smiled reassuringly. "I think I do."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Meredith sniffed, and smiled when he reached his hand to catch the single tear falling from her eyes. "Well, are you going to show me the inside?"

He kissed her one last time and disentangled their limbs before stepping several feet towards the trailer and turning to hold out a hand to her, much like she had done for him so long ago.

Meredith laughed and took his hand, allowing herself to be led towards the new trailer sitting in the spot of the old one, lined up with the same deck. The trailer itself seemed about the same size as the old one, but a little darker, and less shiny. And she couldn't help but smile at the bow he had taped to the wall by the door. He opened the door and motioned for her to step in first.

To the right of the door, was a seating area, much like the old trailer, but this one seemed wider, with an extra section of couch. And the kitchen table was larger and hosted chairs instead of permanent benches. And the kitchen set up seemed much the same, though she had never paid too much attention, so there may be differences her un-practiced eye didn't pick up. Derek guided her through the kitchen and in between the shower and the bathroom.

At first glance the bedroom seemed smaller, but at second glance she realized the bed was larger. New, crisp, blue linens covered the queen size bed, and a manila envelope sat by the pillow on her side. She glanced at Derek, who only smiled and motioned for her to open it.

Meredith smiled back and dropped his hand to crawl across the bed. She picked up the envelope and turned to face him, sitting cross-legged, motioning for him to join her. He sprawled himself out in front of her, his legs bent and his elbow resting on the soft mattress to support his head.

"What's this?" She asked as she pulled the papers out of the envelope.

"Read it."

Her eyes narrowed as she skimmed the legal document. "I don't under... What is this?"

He met her eyes and smiled. "The deed to the land. I had it redrafted; figured it was important if we were building a house _together_."

Meredith swallowed as the text next to **LAND OWNER(S)** now made sense. _Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey._ "Derek...you..." Tears sprung to her eyes. "I can't believe you..." She couldn't even finish her sentence. Her hand flew to her mouth as the tears overflowed her eyes and the sobs shuddered through her body.

Derek was upright in a flash, his arms finding her body and pulling her to him. "Hey, don't cry..."

Meredith sniffed and shuddered and tried to control her sobs in order to speak, but the onslaught of emotion was too much. She grasped the collar of his sweater with one hand, and the other arm wrapped securely around her neck and she let him hold her until her crying had diminished. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she repeated several times.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not, cause you go and do this wonderful thing and I can't even thank you before I'm sobbing like some hysterical person who...sobs."

He smiled and tenderly wiped his thumbs under her eyes, catching the stray tears.

"Derek, thank you, but you don't have to...it's your land, I don't need..."

He shook his head. "It's not my land. It's _our_ land. To tell you the truth, Meredith, in my mind, it's been our land since the first time I brought you out here. I just wanted to make it official."

"Derek..."

He smiled. "Our land," he said with a smile. "With _our_ trailer, and soon, _our_ house."

"Our house," Meredith couldn't help but repeat quietly. "I like the sound of that."

Derek smiled broadly. "Me too."

She sighed and looked down at the papers beside her. "Are you sure about this?"

He smiled that perfect McDreamy smile and nodded. "Meredith, I've never been surer of anything else in my entire life." There was no wavering in his gaze, and she knew he wasn't talking about just the land anymore.

She smiled back at him and nodded. "Me neither."

He kissed her. And she let him guide her back onto the mattress, pulling him down on top of her.

"I love you," she whispered when his lips left hers to travel down her neck.

"I love you more," he stated between kisses.

"'s not true," she countered as he pulled her top off, and his lips found new territory.

"It is true," he replied as he stopped his motions to reach under her to unclasp her bra. His hands travel back up her sides and over her breasts as he disposed of the bra in one easy, practiced move.

Meredith held her hands up to his chest to prevent him from continuing his exploration of her body momentarily. "You're wearing too many clothes," she mumbled as she pulled at the hem of his shirt and he helped her by shedding the garment. "That's better," she whispered as he returned to her, and the electricity of skin against skin increased ten fold. She reached for the zipper on his pants, and before she knew it, they were both naked.

"I still love you more," Derek whispered as he returned his lips to hers.

"Nuh-uh," she uttered when his lips left hers for air.

"It's true," he told her, a certain gleam in his eyes as his hand roamed down her body.

"Not, it's not..." she said weakly. Legible words were becoming more and more difficult to string together.

"Yes, it is. I love you more," he responded, right as his fingers found her most sensitive spot.

Meredith gasped and arched under him. "That's...not...fair... Cheating..."

He leaned over her as she stared up with hooded eyes. "Rules were meant to be broken."

000

Wrapped in a sheet, Meredith found herself sitting comfortably at the new table, smiling across her dinner at Derek, seated across from her in only his boxers. After christening the new bed, Derek had pulled on his boxers and jacket to bring their bags in from the car. And then he had made dinner. And she couldn't help but smile at him when he was being so perfect and dreamy.

"Where did all the food come from?"

He looked up from his soup and smiled. "I may have told you I was Christmas shopping yesterday when I came out here to stock the kitchen and drop of the deed."

She shook her head. "So, you lied to me?" She smirked and raised an eyebrow.

He nodded. "It's allowed in these situations."

She clucked her tongue.

"Or, call this an early Christmas present and I didn't lie at all."

Meredith laughed. "Always thinking on your feet, aren't you?"

He nodded emphatically. "With you, I have to. You keep me on my toes."

"In a good way?"

"Of course."

Meredith sighed happily, revelling in what her life had become. An Amazing man, who was always doing wonderful things for her. Good friends. A career she was actually confident in. A home. The beginnings of a family. And, as she smiled at the man across from her, a future.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked gently.

She smiled warmly at him and shrugged. "Everything. All the things I have, that I didn't a year ago. Everything I have to look forward to. You."

He reached across the table for her hand. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." She squeezed his hand.

"You happy?"

"More than I ever thought possible," she responded honestly, and she could swear his eyes misted at her words, and his smile took on a new dimension. "I just never thought I'd be capable of doing this. But you've been here the whole time, and you've been supportive and taught me how to do the relationship thing. And I was right; you are the one who is teaching me how to handle the steps past just dating."

He smirked. "You do like pointing out when you're right."

She rolled her eyes. "You just don't like being wrong. And there's nothing wrong with me pointing out when I'm right."

Derek laughed. "Well, I for one am glad you were right about that one particular point. I definitely benefited from it."

"Really? You don't think I was too much of a hassle to guide to this point?" She spoke lightly, but there was a hint of vulnerability in her tone.

"You could never be a hassle, Meredith. And really, you've done most everything on your own; I was just there to calm you down when you got overwhelmed." He squeezed her hand.

Meredith broke a smile. "Yeah, well, that happened a lot."

"Only at first. You settled in, and as you learned to trust me again, you carried on naturally."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

Meredith sighed and tilted her head as she smiled at him, revelling in the feeling of being sure. This man was her future. He loved her, and he was doing everything he could to make up for her past and give her everything she never thought she'd be capable of having. The new trailer and the land were proof of that. Even though he had technically promised her never to have to share a bed with him he had shared with anyone else, except for at his mother's, she had never stopped to realize that included the trailer. But sitting here, now, in a brand new trailer, with no negative memories, only the promise of new memories together, she realized just how much it meant to her to have this spot back in his life. She was, once again, the only person he had ever shared it with. The only memories were theirs. And that realization took a weight off her shoulder that she hadn't even known had been there.

"What are you thinking about?" His gentle prodding voice broke through her thoughts.

She beamed. "I like it here," she said lightly. "I never realized how much I missed it. It feels exciting again, like when we used to come out here, before."

He smiled. "Good."

"Thank-you, Derek, for realizing it was important. I didn't even know."

"That's what I'm here for."

000

"Meredith..." Derek's soft voice invaded her dream world. "Meredith, wake up..."

"Nnn," she mumbled into the pillow as she buried her face. She had ignored the fact that it was morning when he had pulled his limbs away from her body some amount of time ago. At the time, he hadn't requested that she get up with him, so she had cocooned herself with the covers to conserve the warmth that had previously been supplied by his body and went back to sleep.

Her mumbled protests were met with his gentle laughter and his hand slid under the covers to rub along her bare spine. She sighed at the contact. "Come back to bed," she muttered.

"Can't. We need to get up."

"No," she said as she finally rolled to face him. She furrowed her brow at his attire. Instead of being dressed for lounging, he was dressed for outdoors. "Why are you wearing that?"

"Cause I want to take you somewhere."

"Oh, god," she muttered, suddenly apprehensive that Cristina's sarcastic guess the previous day would come true. "We're not going fishing, are we?"

Derek snorted. "Definitely not."

"Good," she replied and hooked her fingers on the neck of his sweated and pulled him down to her. "Now, come back to bed."

He kissed her lips several times before planting a final kiss on her forehead and sitting up again. "As much as I'd love to join you back in bed, it's after eleven."

"So? Someone kept me up most of the night..."

He smirked. "I don't seem to remember any complaining at the time."

"Derek..." she whined, trying to pull him back down again, but he resisted.

"I made coffee..."

She sniffed the air. "Coffee?"

"Mhh-hmm," he nodded. "And I may have one of those chocolate croissants that you like..."

Meredith sighed and stretched her stiff limbs. "Fine. You got me with the chocolate croissant." She sat up and swung her legs out of bed, pulling the sheet with her for warm as she searched her bag for a warm outfit. "Where are we going, again?" She tried again as she pulled on her jeans and a long sleeved tee and sweater.

He smirked. "It's a surprise."

She couldn't help but laugh. "You and your surprises this weekend..."

000

Stomach full and decked out in her warm winter coat and new lavender coloured hat, mitts and scarf that she had purchased on Black Friday, Meredith trudged along the uphill path, her hand securely in Derek's as he led the way, smiling over at her every few steps. All attempts to ascertain a destination were shot down, but he wasn't making her close her eyes this time, so she wasn't going to push too hard. Regardless, it was a nice day for a walk. It was unusually sunny, bringing some warmth to the cool December afternoon.

"We're almost there," he said excitedly and steered her across the path to cut through a line of trees. Confident that he would lead her to something worthwhile, she followed him silently, smiling at his exuberance. In the near year and a half that she had known him, she had never seen him so excited.

Stepping out into the clearing behind Derek, she gasped at the breath-taking view of the city and the harbour. "Wow," she whispered in admiration as she moved further away from the trees and into the light. "Derek, this is...wow. Totally worth the hike. I had no idea you could see so far from here."

Strong arms wrapped around her torso from behind. "This is the place that made me fall in love with the land when I first moved out here. This is what made me buy it. And I've never brought anyone here before."

Meredith covered his hands with hers and leaned back into his warmth. "It's gorgeous."

"Yeah." He breathed, his chest expanding into her back, and she could feel his heart beating fast. "I was thinking that we could build the house here. Can you imagine waking up to this view every morning?" He held his breath.

Meredith breathed and shut her eyes for several seconds. The view was still spectacular when she re-opened them. "Wow," she repeated. "I...absolutely, this is where we should put the house. No question about it."

"Can't you just see it?" He asked excitedly as he released her and turned to motion towards the clearing around them. "Our dream house, with our porch and our windows and our master bedroom. Can't you just see it?"

Her eyes watered as she nodded. "I can." She stepped forward and took his hand.

He squeezed her hand tightly and leaned in to kiss her for several seconds. "Meredith, I've never been nearly as happy as I am with you. I love you more than anything else in this world. And there isn't a doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, making you as happy as you make me."

"Derek, you do make me happy. So freaking happy, I can't always process it."

"Good, and I plan to keep you that happy forever. Here. This is it, Mer, this is where we're going to live, where we're going to spend the rest of our lives. Together." His eyes were shining.

A few tears spilled onto her cheeks at the sheer intensity of his words. "I love you so much, Derek."

"I love you too, more than I can ever express." He kissed her again. "Do you feel it?" He whispered when he pulled away, his face close to hers.

Meredith didn't have to ask what _it_ was. She could feel the electricity in every cell of her body. "I do." She sniffed as Derek's bare thumbs dried the moisture under her eyes. "I really do. Derek, I can't wait to wake up every morning to this, and go to sleep every night. Here. With you."

"Good." He leaned his forehead against hers for several seconds. Meredith closed her eyes and shuddered, the emotion enough to make her shake. "Good," he repeated and kissed her again, quickly, like a habit.

"Yeah," she responded breathlessly.

His eyes landed over her shoulder to the view behind her and he sighed.

Meredith couldn't help but release him and spin around for another long look. But when he didn't join her and she turned back around, his eyes weren't where she expected. Instead of looking up to meet his loving gaze, she found herself looking down. And her hand flew to her mouth as she processed what was in front of her. Derek. On one knee. A small, ominous box in hand.

"Derek..." she mumbled, but any further words were lost when he reached for her free left hand, and gently pulled off her mitt.

"Meredith, when I come up here, and I look into my future, I can see myself here. I can see the house and the life. But most of all, I can see you. Every time. Every variation. It's always you. And coming up here with you, all I can see is _our_ future. And all I want is to spend the rest of my life with you." He paused, and there was a quiet creaking sound as the box was opened. Other than a vague sparkle from the sunlight, Meredith couldn't see anything through her tears. "Meredith," he said softly. "Will you marry me?"

Her body shook and she fell to her knees with a simple, "Yes."

Derek may have tried to put the ring on her finger, but she forwent the formality and wrapped both arms tightly around his neck, shuddering into his shoulder, needing to be close to him. "I love you," she whispered, unable to control her words. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."

There was barely a pause before both of his arms were wrapped securely around her, holding her in the warmest hug she had ever had. "I love you, Meredith," he whispered into her hair when she was finished.

When she finally gathered the strength to pull away, she saw that he had been crying as well, and raised a hand to cup his cheek, her thumb running under his eyes for the tears. "Derek," she said, her voice hoarse with overwhelming emotion. "I didn't... I had no idea..."

He smiled and captured her hand in his. "That was kind of the point. Now," he smiled at her. "First thing's first." He pulled the ring out from the box and Meredith held her breath as he met her eyes and slid the beautifully simple platinum ring onto her left ring finger. It fit perfectly, and she had never had something so new feel so comfortable before. So perfect. So natural.

"Wow," she whispered as she closed and opened her fist, testing the feel. Still felt perfect. "Wow," she repeated.

"Wow is right," Derek whispered and pulled her into a long, deep kiss, full of the passion and emotion and love they both were feeling.

She was breathless when they finally pulled away. "Wow," she said again. "Engaged kisses are so much better."

He laughed and stood, pulling her up with him. "Let's get you off the cold ground."

"Trust me, Derek, I'm not feeling the cold."

He smiled brightly at her and ducked to pick up her free mitt. "Still, let's make sure you don't." He reached for her left hand, his fingers purposely grazing the ring, and slid the mitt back on. He brushed a lock of hair out of her face, and she leaned into his contact.

"I can't believe this is happening," she admitted quietly.

He smiled warmly at her. "I know the feeling." She shook slightly from the left over emotion. "Are you cold? Do you want to go back?" He asked in concern.

She shook her head. "Let's not go back yet. I want a few more minutes up here." She turned to face the view once again, looking forward to a time when she would wake up to it every morning in Derek's arms. As if on cue, her pulled her back to his chest once again and held her tight, sighing as his chin found the crook of her neck. This was definitely a moment she never wanted to forget.

Meredith felt a swell of emotion towards the man she loved so much more than she ever thought possible. "I'm happy, Derek. You make me happy."

"That's what I'm here for."

**The End.**


End file.
